


Convictions and Captivity

by realfakedoors



Series: Convictions & Captivity [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort/Angst, Guilt, Homeworld (Steven Universe), Homeworld Gems - Freeform, Homeworld Hierarchy (Steven Universe), Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prison, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 232,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11685378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realfakedoors/pseuds/realfakedoors
Summary: Canon Divergent after Storm in the Room. After escaping the Human Zoo, Steven's ready to meet the challenges of Homeworld, but before he and the Gems can ready themselves for the Diamond's next move someone is captured. Relationships will be tested in this story of coping, loss and forgiveness. All of Steven Universe content belongs to Cartoon Network/Rebecca Sugar. Rated T for mild violence and dark themes.





	1. Prologue

Steven laid down in the soft sand, looking up at a blue sky. It was a _true_ blue, elegant as it stretches for miles, disrupted only by regal, puffy white clouds. The way these creations of nature, cotton in appearance, massive in size, but ecologically natural to the order of Earth, was awe-inspiring. The way each cloud folds in on themselves, embodying textures and patterns of all shapes and sizes, and the way they danced through the sunlight and cast shadows on the ground made Steven feel small.

It was, by all standards, a beautiful day.

Peaceful. Beach City resonated with the soft sighs of the wind along the water, an occasional giggle from the boardwalk carried down to the sea. Seagulls could be heard in an impromptu song all along the coast, harmonizing with the swish of the waves as they came up just to reach the young boy's toes. In spite of the beauty of it all, Steven was finding it very hard not to cry.

The clouds reminded him of his Temple room, of the time he spent in there with Connie while they remade the ending of _Unfamiliar Familiar_ , of Amethyst eating a cloud and dealing with the hilarious consequences, of Pearl's training on the top of the Sky Arena, and when Garnet caught him as he fell from jumping after Blue Diamond's ship. He smiled in spite of himself, those memories floating to the surface, reminding him of all he had to lose. His fingers tingled as he continued to gaze up, flooded by the memories, remembering the last time he entered his Temple room, how he so gently but with a twinge of desperation, tried to hold onto his mother the night he returned from the Zoo…

It always came back to the Zoo, these days. Steven had lived through a fair amount of troubling, even traumatic, experiences at this point in his short life, but there was something especially haunting about the time he spent at the Human Zoo. Being separated from the Gems, the bizarre outfits, the commanding earrings that were somehow gentle and demanding at the same time, the apathy of the humans themselves, unconcerned with their entrapment, his Dad's complacency with it all, the terror he felt when he was surrounded by at least hundreds of bubbled Rose Quartz, the mourning of Yellow and Blue Diamond… It was all too much.

He released a sigh. A nice, deep breath, trying to release his frustration out onto the winds. The world outside continued on its peaceful trance, unaware of the monstrosities of the universe that care so little about their lives. If the air from Steven's lungs released any of the turmoil bubbling in his chest, the world gave little notice.

Steven shifted in the sand, leaning up onto his elbows and gazing outwards towards the sea. He tried to focus on the things he could feel around him, distancing himself from the nagging in the back of his mind. The sand protested slightly as he shifted his weight, turning from soft to gritty as his elbows dug into the ground. Steven decided that of all the things he loved about Beach City, it was days like these that he loved least.

Connie was spending the day with her mother, doing some sort of family errand. The Gems weren't out from their Temple rooms when he woke up this morning. He thought about going to see his Dad, but he's felt a little awkward around him since the day Stevonnie fell from the Sky Arena.

Now that he was trying to be more… _transparent_ with what bothered him, he felt he wanted to talk to his Dad about _everything_ whenever he saw him, to the point where it was overwhelming. The whole thought of spilling his heart out over a pizza or while his Dad tried to make music just felt… wrong. Sometimes he wanted to cry to his Dad, sometimes he wanted to yell – do you really not know about Mom's past? Are you just trying to protect me? Why were you _so_ okay with the zoo? Part of you seemed like you… wanted to stay. Did you know Blue Diamond was mourning someone Mom _murdered_ when you approached her? Did you notice all of the Rose Quartz bubbled in that room? What do you think it means?

Most of the time Steven just ended up sitting silently, watching his Dad and responding half-heartedly, not wanting to cause his Dad anymore trouble. After everything that happened at the zoo…

Steven took a deep breath. He really needed to stop thinking about the zoo. He couldn't wait forever for the Gems to show up, and sitting here only made his stomach squirm uncomfortably. Just as he prepared to brush himself off and head back to the Temple, Steven jumped and rolled awkwardly onto his side as he heard footsteps quickly approach. A thud, followed by some giggles. He held his breath and turned around, wondering who (or what) gave rise to these sounds.

His heart swelled with feeling when he saw a familiar straw hat and brown hair – it was Connie. The tightness in his chest relaxed and he was about to get up to greet her, but he stopped when the girl turned to face him fully. It was just another girl, maybe a year or two younger than Connie, wearing a similar hat, but had light skin and sunglasses. It was not Connie, just a stranger, another human walking through the sand that gave the town its' namesake. Steven looked down in front of him and noticed a Frisbee while the girl approach. She looked at Steven somewhat quizzically and expectantly.

_Oh. She probably wants me to throw it back to her._

Steven complied, giving her a smile and a small laugh as he tossed back the plastic toy. She shouted "thank you," and returned to her friend a little way down the beach. Steven watched her turn and run back, as she called to her friend, "Now this time, I mean business!"

Steven's heart sank at the words. He remembered not long ago he heard those same words on this same beach in the company of someone he thought could be another friend. Bismuth, her graceful rainbow of hair that so contrasted her rough and determined outlook. Steven shuddered when he thought of the orange hue that had tinted her hair, her eyes, her gem the last time he saw her. The way the tear fell from her cheek… If only she had listened to him. He had only wanted her to listen! But she couldn't move past the idea that he was Mom. That he was Rose Quartz.

As soon as the thought bubbled to the surface, another voice sounded deep in his memories. The mocking anger of Eyeball Ruby swelled in his thoughts uncomfortably as he buried his head in his hands, fighting back tears.

_You're despicable! We're gonna die out here, and you're just gonna… make fun of me until we do!_

_You're even crueler than Rose Quartz._

At this point, Steven laid back down on the sand again, trying to relieve tension by focusing on the feeling of the sand and its softness on his skin with his hands resting on his eyes. He pushed the palms of his hands gently onto his shut lids, trying to massage out the tension.

Garnet's mindfulness techniques had certainly helped stablize, so much that whenever he embodied one half of the fusion he could feel their focus and technique improving with each training. Now, Steven was trying to transfer those lessons over to his individual consciousness, trying to make sure he was ready to tackle his demons alone, if he ever needed to be.

_Breath in. Breath out. Listen to the waves. Let the thoughts pass you by…_

Steven sat there for what felt like a long time, eventually removing his hands from his face and resting one on his stomach and another on his gem, and looked back up at the clouds. He left his phone in the house so he couldn't check the time, but he found he didn't really want to. The meditation was… helping? He at least wanted it to. He felt like he wasn't crying as much these days, or when he did, it wasn't as intensely. He listened to the giggles carry down from the Boardwalk to the water, and he managed a smile.

Steven tried to prepare himself for whatever was coming. Forgiveness, compassion, independence, flexibility, love and trust, he felt ready to move. Maybe not move _on_ , but at least _move_. Any direction was an improvement from feeling trapped.

He knew the next phase in this intergalactic game of chess was on Homeworld, and he sat up and looked out at nothing in particular. A soft hum of a melody floated through his mind, remembering that Pearl taught him to be strong in the _real_ way. He thought of Smoky Quartz, and how he and Amethyst had overcome so much of their own self-doubt by working together. He thought of Connie, and Dad, and Lapis and Peridot, and Uncle Andy, and the Earth. Steven even thought of Rose Quartz. By releasing all of these swirling feelings into another shuddery breath, Steven stood up and turned towards the Temple. He felt a small flow of tears slide down his cheek, but he didn't brush it off. Steven wanted to feel these feelings, so he could let them go. He began to walk, and then found himself running, towards the steps of the Temple. He finally felt like he was ready for whatever Homeworld had in store.

He wasn't.


	2. Curiousity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven is visited by a green snowman and enjoys brunch.

The house crafted around the midsection of a giant, stone-carved woman, was quiet. Steven burst through the front door with a genuine smile on his face, which felt refreshing after so much has happened. He felt a bit exhilarated with his new found resolve and wanted to do _something_. He thought about asking Amethyst to join him at the Big Donut, or maybe the Gems and him could have a regular 'beach day' (Volleyball, swimming, snacks, the works!)

Steven wasn't necessarily surprised to find the house empty, as he guessed if the Gems had entered the house at some point they would have gone outside to see him on the beach and would have come to join him (or, in the case of Pearl, yelled for him to have some breakfast). Nevertheless, a growing boy has got to eat, so Steven fixed himself breakfast.

Cereal, he thought, would be enough to wade off the pangs of hunger he was having since he had hadn't eaten yet today, but still small enough to leave room for donuts if Amethyst shows up soon. Grabbing his plastic stool, Steven climbed onto the counter so he could reach the bowls. Much to his surprise, however, he found a note inside of his signature Cookie Cat cereal bowl.

_Steven,_

_We had to leave early this morning to go on a mission. We wanted to bring you along, but we are going underwater. I predict we will be home a few hours before dinner, so try to enjoy your day without us. We love you._

_Garnet_

_P.S. I left this note in the bowl so you would see it after you had a chance to relax this morning. Cereal is always a good choice._

Smiling as he re-read the note a second time, and then a third, it made Steven feel sentimental to see the message. Of course, he knew the Gems loved him, but there was something about reading it that made it feel special. He didn't have a lot of handwritten things from the Gems, especially from Garnet, so he took down the bowl, set it on the counter, and leaped up the stairs to his room. Floating gently down and landing on his toes, Steven leaned over his bed and set the note down next to his picture of Connie on the shelves. He tried positioning the small piece of paper so that it would stand up on its own, but eventually resorted to leaning it slightly against Connie's frame, so you could see most of the note if you looked straight at it without obstructing the photo.

Pressing his knee into the mattress as he leaned over, he smiled thoughtfully down at the sight. He was going to do whatever it takes to stop Homeworld from hurting this Earth, his family, and the people he loved.

As the seconds became minutes, Steven snapped out of his stupor when he saw something moving in the corner of his eye. Out the window, on the beach, was a green snowman flying towards him at a startling speed. Steven did a double-take, thinking there was more than a dozen reasons that this was horribly wrong.

_Snowmen aren't green. They can't move. We're on a beach, how could it snow? Why is it coming towards me? Are those wheels? Wait…_

As it got closer, he squinted and realized it wasn't a snowman at all. It was…

"Peridot?!" Steven jumped down the bed and turned the corner out of the beach house to confirm his thoughts. It _was_ Peridot, and she was wearing some sort of… ice, garment? Ice? But that would mean…

"Steven!" Just on cue, Lapis Lazuli descended from above, retracting her water wings and breaking into a big smile. She landed gracefully next to Steven on the front porch of the house.

"Lapis! What are you doing here? And what's, uh, _with_ Peridot?" Steven asked, trying and failing to mask his confusion as she wheeled herself closer to us. She came to a stop at the bottom of the steps and angrily bumped her wheels into the bottom.

"Ugh, this is exactly why I needed to come here." Peridot grumbled to herself. She quickly jumped out of the odd mechanism, which Steven realized now was more like a Segway with a vest that bound the thing to the rider.

"Steven, your favorite Crystal Gem has arrived!" Peridot practically leaped up the steps and gave Steven a hug. Steven shivered once she did and, realizing her mistake, pulled back.

"Um, Lapis. Could you…?" Peridot gestured at her torso.

"Oh. Right." Lapis said simply. She flicked her hand gently and the ice flew off, onto the sand near where Peridot parked her contraption.

"It's so good to see you both! What _is_ that thing Peridot?" Steven gave Lapis a quick hug while looking over at the odd mechanism.

"I'm glad you asked, Steven! This is my newest creation, to help me to travel around. Lapis has her wings, so she can go virtually anywhere she pleases. But I'm stuck at the barn with just the warp pad, and sometimes I just want to explore a bit. Not that I don't want to go with you, Lapis," Period added the last part defensively. Lapis merely raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

"I just, you know… Sometimes, you go by yourself places and I thought I could use it to get around. I got here much quicker than walking, approximately 5.5 times faster, if my calculations are correct." Peridot smiled proudly while Steven looked down at the strange machine. It was like a cross between a bicycle and a Segway, with wheels on the bottom and a seat with a cubby that reminded him of the drill, suspended by two rods. It was made from mismatched parts of what looked like Gem tech from the Hand Ship and odd pieces of equipment from the barn.

"It's really cool!" Steven said honestly. He felt so happy when Lapis and Peridot had shown him the meep-morps the first time, seeing them express their creativity. Now, Peridot was returning to her engineering roots and making gadgets to make her life on Earth more comfortable.

"It _is_ cool, thank you, Steven. But it's incomplete. Which is part of the reason we came today." Peridot explained, obviously pleased with the compliment.

Lapis couldn't help but stifle a laugh, causing her to snort slightly. She blushed a deeper shade of blue, surprising herself with her laugh, and then just couldn't stop.

"What's funny?" Steven said, turning to Lapis.

"I'm sorry, Steven. It's nothing." Lapis stopped herself from laughing as suddenly as she started.

_That was odd? I wonder…_

But before Steven could think much further, he felt another pang of hunger in his stomach.

"Oh. Well why don't you tell me more about it inside? I was just going to have some breakfast… erm, lunch? Brunch? Yeah, brunch."

"Brunch? What is this _brunch_?" Peridot began inquiring as she followed Steven's lead into the house. Lapis came in behind her, sitting down on the steps near the door. Lapis gazed outside while Steven educated Peridot on the difference between breakfast, lunch, and brunch.

"So, since it's three in the afternoon, it's really more of a brunch than a breakfast, but it's a breakfast food for lunch. Get it?" Steven explained while he sat on the couch while Peridot sat cross-legged on the floor across from him.

"Yes… I think so… It's just a different naming convention, used to distinguish time differences in relation to the meals of the day rather than the rotational position of the Earth relative to the Sun?"

"Uh, yeah. That sounds right." Steven slurped up the milk at the bottom of the bowl and glanced over at Lapis. She was watching him with a curious smile.

Lapis hasn't said much since they've been over, Steven realized. This wasn't totally unlike Lapis, as she was a bit more introverted than the rest of the Gems (except maybe Garnet), but she kept giving him odd looks that were making him somewhat self-conscious. And that weird bout of laughter earlier, what was with that? Steven tried to clear his mind of the unnecessary worries – he realized both of these things he was worried about implied _positive_ changes for Lapis. Maybe she really was just settling into Earth.

"Steven," Peridot said seriously, placing both hands on the table. This broke Steven out of his train of thought and he lowered his bowl into his lap.

"Brunch aside, I came here to ask a favor. I know – " she stopped for a second and glanced over at Lapis, embarrassed. Steven was only more interested as she paused.

"I know that you recently had an… experience, in space. In the presence of, um… the Diamonds." Peridot began, measuring her words carefully, knowing Steven was still a bit on edge from the whole episode. 

Steven felt the same pit of discomfort that he felt this morning on the beach. He was trying to forget about this and move on. What did Peridot need from him? Was she contacted again by Yellow Diamond? He pushed that thought away, hoping beyond hopes that it wasn't that.

Peridot continued when Steven said nothing.

"Yes, um. Well. You know, maybe it was a bad idea to bring it up. Forget it! Do you want to accompany us to the barn, Steven? We can play with Pumpkin…" she became frazzled and started speaking quickly, and her growing embarrassment was increasingly obvious. She started to stumble over her words and suddenly stopped speaking altogether. Lapis had stood up and taken a seat next to Steven.

_Okay, this is getting really weird. What is going on with these two?_

Peridot stood up and opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but shut it again. Instead, Lapis turned towards Steven with a bemused expression on her face.

"Steven, what Peridot is trying to say is that she wants to see if there's anything from the Ruby ship or that you brought home from space that she could bring back to the barn. But only if she has your express permission, first." Lapis held a completely straight face until she reached the very end of the sentence, and then she started laughing again like earlier. Steven just wore a look of plain confusion.

"It's _not_ funny, Lapis!" Peridot turned towards them and she was blushing dark-green. Now that the jig was up, Peridot put her hands back on the table and leaned towards Steven.

"Steven. I'm sorry. I don't miss Homeworld, please, believe me. I just miss having something to do with my hands. The time we all spent working on the drill? Despite the fact that I was fearing for my life, it was important to me. It made me _feel_ important. I want to be helpful to the team too, and I have been practicing my metal powers, but I thought maybe I could try to make some defensive mechanisms for the Temple and the barn? In case Homeworld, you know, _comes around_? I know it's probably stupid to ask and I know you just got back but I… – why are you laughing?" Peridot's words spilled over like a waterfall, only to be cut short as Lapis and Steven both started laughing together. Peridot just looked at them indignantly. _Now_ it all makes sense.

"Peridot! You don't have to be sorry! I'm sorry for laughing, really…" Steven said as he rubbed his nose to wipe away some of the giggles. "I just didn't know you felt this way. Why were you so nervous to ask me? Of course you can have whatever you can find here at the Temple that might be useful."

"R-really?" Peridot stammered, still blushing but now she was smiling. Lapis was just smirking and watching the two.

"Of course! I'm just, phew, relieved!" Steven slapped his forehead gently, leaning back into the seat cushions and chuckled again. "I just thought it was going to be something horrible. I didn't know you were so worried."

"Well, I… I just didn't want anyone to think, you know, that I wanted to access this stuff because it reminded me of Homeworld. That's _not_ it." Peridot added firmly.

"I just…" she twiddled her fingers together a bit nervously, a habit she had no doubt picked up from Pearl.

"I just wanted to build something with Lapis so I could feel important to her like I was important to you all!" Peridot was practically yelling by now, so flustered that she starred down at the table with a miserable expression on her face. Steven was just shocked, he couldn't believe Peridot was so sensitive about this sort of thing.

Steven got up from the couch and put a hand on Peridot's shoulder.

"Peridot, really, it's okay. I think it's sweet that you want to make a difference. It shows you care about us." Steven glanced up at Lapis who was smiling down at the two of them.

"You knew?" Steven guessed from the way she had been acting that afternoon.

"She gave me the same speech this morning. Then she showed me that," Lapis used her thumb and pointed somewhere in the direction of the beach, implying she meant the odd locomotive Peridot had used to get here. "It was supposed to be her first prototype, proving that she could make herself useful."

Peridot said nothing but peeked over at Steven to make sure he wasn't upset. Lapis let out a small sigh and smiled at Peridot again.

"Peridot. I told you not to be so worried. I know you think we're jumpy about Homeworld. You're not exactly wrong…" Peridot squirmed a bit as Lapis spoke. "But there's no need to feel bad for trying to do good. No matter what happens, you were just trying to help. And I think it could be fun, for both of us." Lapis stood up and offered Peridot a hand. The green gem looked dumbfounded at Lapis' hand, like she had never seen a hand in the entirety of her existence. Steven just beamed at the both of them, thinking how much they've grown.

Peridot seemed to recover her confidence after Lapis helped her up, and turned to Steven with her familiar mischievous smile.

"Well, if you don't mind, could we start with the ship?"


	3. Trial and Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven pops a bubble and reads some text messages.

Leaving his dishes in the sink, Steven couldn't help but feel a tad bit guilty. He didn't want the Gems to come back and have to clean up after him, but he knew Pearl enjoyed tidying up when the opportunity presented itself. Ultimately, Steven settled on filling up the bowl with water, so it might be easier for Pearl to clean later. Besides, he might beat them home, in which case he could finish cleaning up after himself. They aren't going to be home for another hour or so, anyways.

As the trio approached the warp pad, Peridot stopped suddenly.

"Wait…" the green gem thought to herself, rubbing one of her hands against her chin. "What about my transportation vehicle? Is it okay to leave outside?"

"It should be fine, but if it would make you feel better, we can bring it into the house?" Steven suggested, shrugging. Peridot nodded at the suggestion, likely not wanting all of her hard work to be possibly mangled by some reckless human child. Lapis stood in the kitchen area and waited for the hybrid and the short, green gem to retrieve the machine and bring it into the house.

"So what is this 'missing', anyways? You said it wasn't complete? It looks good to me." Steven asked as he set the strange machine down on the floor, inspecting the glowing buttons that hovered on the surface of what could only be the control panel.

"A fair question. One of the things I mis—I _appreciated_ most about modern Gem tech is its responsiveness to conscious commands. Sure, you humans have some impressive voice activated technology for your species, but my limb enhancers could respond directly to my thoughts. If I wanted to bring up a defense drone, I just had to think the command and it would activate. It could be prove to be very useful for defensive situations…" Peridot trailed off, her thoughts turning over the possibilities of incorporating Gem tech into her life on Earth.

"Oh," was all Steven could manage. The direction of this conversation reminded him of the time Pearl tried to build a ship and take him to space… a thought that made him wince when he thought how close they both were to dying that day.

Lapis was standing on the warp pad by now, looking a bit impatient. Peridot seemed to notice this and quickly approached the warp pad.  
"Are you sure it's okay for you to come, Steven? I feel like we should at least tell the Gems we're leaving…" Lapis suggested tentatively as Steven approached the warp pad.

"Oh, right…" Steven glanced behind him and looked at the clock on the microwave. It was already 5:30, and the Gems said they would be home before dinner time, which was vague. It could be within a few minutes or it could be upwards of an hour.

_Should I just wait? Should I leave a note, like Garnet did this morning? Her future vision would probably tell her that he was with Peridot and Lapis anyways…_

Steven bit his lip nervously, thinking he'd best wait for the others, but he could see how excited Peridot was to start this project.

"I guess… why don't you guys just go to the barn? The ship is back there anyways… That way you can get started, and I can bring some of the stuff from the Temple once the Gems come back." Steven watched both of their expressions deflate a bit, which just served to make him feel worse. He quickly added, "I'm sorry. It's just…"

Peridot stopped him. "No, it's okay. I wouldn't want to make them worry, with you just disappearing without an explanation! I'll have my screen," Peridot gestured towards her arm, where she sometimes strapped the gift Steven had given her "on me. Literally! So you can send me a message when you've got permission to come over." Peridot smiled at her own genius. Lapis had her arms crossed in front her, wary to leave Steven alone, but fixed her face into a believable smile and a gave him a nod.

"Don't worry, Steven. We'll see you soon." Lapis said, reaching down and grabbing Peridot's hand before they disappeared into the white light of the warp stream.

Steven was, once again, alone. He knew he shouldn't feel guilty about not joining Peridot and Lapis, but he couldn't help it. He went back and stood in the center of the room, looking around at nothing in particular. His chest was starting to ache, a familiar mixture of worry and loneliness creeping through his insides. Not sure what else to do, Steven sat back down on the couch where he had just been with his friends only a short time ago. Looking around for something to do to pass the time, Steven's eyes ultimately fell upon the painting of his mom. Rose Quartz… she looked so magnificent and important, captured in that regal position that was somehow commanding and beautiful at the same time. He felt a bit unsettled gazing up at the portrait, thinking of the night he returned from the zoo…

Steven tried to manage a deep breath again, emptying his mind of the negativity.

 _No more thinking about that place. I can't go back in time and I can't change what's happened_. He repeated it in his head again, and again, and _again_ while he tried to calm himself down. More than anything, Steven just wanted the Gems to warp in from wherever they were. It was harder being alone now more than ever, and he felt helplessly small sitting here.

Thinking about his conversation with Peridot and Lapis, Steven closed his eyes and returned to the comforting feelings of friendship. He thought of the blush that crept up Peridot's cheeks when Lapis revealed how nervous she was… Why was Peridot so self-concious?

_She just wanted to be helpful. Everything she was told she was supposed to be, everything she was expected to be from the moment existed, was taken from her. No wonder she was nervous – trying to return to everything you wanted to be, but afraid that it would ruin everything you are now. Seeing Lapis, and the Gems fight and win… She must feel…_

There was a particular word floating somewhere on the back of Steven's tongue, but he couldn't quite grasp it. It was more than a word, truly, but a feeling. A feeling he, Steven, knew all too well, and he wanted so deeply for it to be untrue. He re-opened his eyes, looking again at the loveliness that _was_ Rose Quartz, before he existed.

"… inadequate." Steven whispered, barely audible. There was no one to eavesdrop, but the word felt dirty in his mouth, like something to hide away.

The tears came quickly, too fast for Steven to execute his mindfulness techniques. He was really becoming tired of crying.

"I just wish… I could be helpful. Like you." He added the last part as an afterthought, unable to help himself when his only company was the painting of his mother.

As suddenly as he vocalized the thought, Steven's navel began to glow underneath his shirt. Surprised, Steven lifted the hem of his shirt and glanced down at the illuminated Rose Quartz gemstone. His Temple room opened for him.

"Just like that night…" Steven glanced back and forth between his room and the painting on the wall. The last time he entered his room it hadn't gone very well, to put things lightly. He was nervous – he didn't really _want_ to go into his room, but he felt like he had to, now that the room had opened at his call. Could he even close the door from the outside? He's never tried before. He slid off the couch and edged towards the room. Without stepping inside, Steven tried to vocalize a command to see if he could control it from outside. Standing between the warp pad and the room felt safer than entering the room, completely alone.

"Room, I want to see the tiny floating whale who gives me fin." Steven said in an even tone, waiting to see what happened.

The room simply stared back at him expectedly, but nothing changed. He glanced around at the clock. It was already almost 6 PM and the Gems weren't home yet. A few minutes in the room wouldn't hurt, right? He shuffled his feet, the nerves and curiosity spilling out of him. He stepped into his room and the door closed mutely behind him.

"Hi, room. Nice to see you again. I know… things got out of hand before." He managed a small chuckle and cleared his throat. "And, I don't want to stay very long. Could you make a little window to the Temple, so I can know when the Gems return?" As quickly as he wished it, a cloud poofed and in front of him appeared a large glass screen. It reminded Steven of the operating room windows from _Under the Knife_ , where tense families would stand watching their loved ones in the operating room. He couldn't help but smile at the thought.

The Temple was still empty, the sunlight peering through the windows in a kaleidoscope of oranges and reds as the sun began to shrink in the sky, over the horizon. He let out a small sigh and turned back to the room.

"Okay, room. I, um…" Steven began to think of a request, and stopped himself. After what happened last time, he wanted to be very specific and wanted to avoid anything that might be tied to his emotions.

Clenching his fists, Steven spoke to the room. "Room, is there any _material_ objects that came back to Earth that could help Peridot with her _current_ inventions, the one she _just_ mentioned to me before I came in here?"

Steven waited patiently for a moment. Was that too specific? Or did no response translate to a "no?" Without a conscious, the room wouldn't really be able to respond. The room _couldn't_ have a consciousness, right? That thought made Steven uncomfortable, and after a few moments he was about to ask for an exit when a bubble appeared in front of him. He gasped in surprise, his reflexes telling him to look for a Gem, but he was only surprised as he reached on his toes to grab the bubble.

The coloration of the bubble, whitish blue, suggested it belonged to Pearl. Steven was very gentle with it, unsure if the room summoned it from the Burning Room or if it was merely an illusion of clouds. If it was the former, he wasn't sure he wanted to pop it.

Inside the small sphere were two sets of purple, oblong earrings, which Steven recognized immediately. These earrings were part of the bizarre ensemble that was thrust upon Steven and his Dad when they were taken to the zoo. The oddly hollow, but definitively feminine, voice still rang in his ears at the memory, "encouraging" him and the others to eat, sleep, or play.

The whole commanding presence was unsettling to say the least. Upon a brief inspection from Pearl, it didn't appear that the earrings had any sort of microphone or transmitter embedded in the refined accessory. The discovery of this led Pearl to acutely bubble the mysterious piece of Gem tech and send it away. A resonate memory of Garnet crept into Steven's mind. _We're facing an enemy we don't know, with technology we don't understand_ …

Just as Steven was about to ask his room to remove the bubble (real or imaginary), he thought about his resolution this morning. It felt like days had passed since he had just rested in the sand, his palms pressing into his eyes. His emotional state felt like it was slowing down time.

_I want to be helpful, like Peridot wants to be. I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to help._

Steven squeezed the bubble and it popped in his hands. It _was_ the real bubble – the room must have known what Steven wanted before even he had. That, he thought, was not exactly comforting.

The earrings fell into his palms with a gentle clink. They weren't so scary, once he looked at them up close. Sure they were alien (literally) to him, but they were inactive. They didn't have the same shine that was present when they spoke to him or his Dad back in space. These were just dull, purple earrings. If these could help Peridot on her project, and by extension, help the Gems, there was no reason not to re-tool them for a better purpose than just being stuck in a bubble.

Steven stuck the earrings into the pocket of his jeans and took a final steadying breath.

"Room. I want to return to the Temple. The _real_ Temple." Steven emphasized the last part for safe measure, but he was pretty sure the room wouldn't send him into a fake Beach City again.

The window that had materialized earlier changed shape, returning to the familiar shape of the Temple door before glowing and opening for him.

Feeling obligated to say something back, Steven muttered a small "Um, thanks," and stepped back into the beach house.

Walking back into his tangible half of his home, Steven's attention couldn't help but be drawn to the jingling in his pocket. Though the physical mass of the pair of earrings were infinitesimal, the weight they added to his mind was a different story. He wondered if he should put them in a bag so he didn't lose them? Maybe one of the inside pouches of his cheeseburger backpack?

Walking towards the cupboard under the stairs, Steven found he was grateful for something to do. He carefully put the earrings into the backpack and closed the pack. He placed it outside of the cupboard, leaning up against the stairs, so he wouldn't forget it later. Looking at the clock, Steven was shocked to find it was already almost 7 PM. Where were the Gems? This was normally the time Pearl would have him eat dinner ("Not too early, not too late!") and it was unlike them to be late… especially when he considered Garnet's future vision. Frowning, Steven went to check his phone. If they were in the ocean, it was unlikely (nigh impossible) that they could have sent him a message, but he couldn't help but wonder.

He unlocked his screen to see a missed text from Pearl and 4 missed text messages and a call from Connie. Steven read the message from Pearl first.

_Going to be home late. So sorry. Please be careful!_

Steven's face fell into a frown. He couldn't help it – he knew it wasn't their faults, probably something with a corrupted Gem, but it worried him nonetheless. Thinking of Garnet's note, he glanced over the shelf on his bed and thought.

 _Garnet must have written it according to the most likely future… What changed?_ This did little to make him feel better. He continued to read the messages on his phone, now moving to Connie's.

_1\. Hey! My mom got called to work. Did you want to hang out today? 11:38 AM_

_2\. I'm going to be studying until dinner time. If you want to hang out call me. 1:02 PM_

_3._ Connie sent a few emojis, some stacks of books and a heart. _1:02 PM_. The heart made his own flutter slightly.

_4\. You must be on a mission or something. Just let me know when you get this so I know it went OK! 4:50 PM_

_5._ Connie's missed call. No voicemail. _6:35 PM_

Oh. Steven only just missed her call – he must not have been able to hear it from inside the room. He thought about texting her an apology – what should he say?

_Hey Connie! Sorry, Lapis and Peridot came over and…_

Then, Steven backspaced all of that out. That didn't seem right.

_Connie, I am so sorry. I hope studying went OK. I got caught up…_

He stopped again and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. That didn't seem right either. He hadn't really done _anything_ all day, so why was it so hard to explain?

Giving up, Steven flopped down on his bed and decided just to call her. Hearing her voice would make him feel better anyways, and the whole whirlwind of his day would be easier to explain.

The phone rang twice and went to voicemail; she must've ignored the call. Almost immediately, he received a quick text from Connie.

_Sorry. Eating dinner. No phones at table. Will call you back_

Steven let out a small sigh of relief at the message. He knew Connie wouldn't 'ignore' him on purpose, but it was still nice that she sent the message at the risk of getting in trouble with her parents.

He looked at his contacts in his phone absently, really thinking about the Gems and when they would get home. He landed on Peridot's contact and thought he should let her know that it would be awhile.

 _Hey Peri – The Gems said they will be home late. Can't get ahold of them so no permission. But I found something in the Temple – I think it might be just what you need!_ Steven picked out a few emojis to match, a wide smile and a few shining stars. He turned his head towards the kitchen as he lay in bed, gently flinging his phone off to the side. The sun was setting further, the room emblazoned with a million hues of oranges, yellows, reds, pinks and even some purples at the right angle. It was quiet in the beach house once again.

It had taken awhile to realize what exactly it was about silence that was so discomforting. Of course, there was the absence of something to do, but that never stopped Steven from finding a show to watch, someone to call, something to eat… Looking at the picturesque glow that basked the house in innumerable shades of the warmest tones in the rainbow, Steven examined the colors as they shifted every few minutes as the sun's angle continued downwards in the sky. Silence on its own may be bad, but the warmth of his home, his bed, these colors, Beach City… despite the lack of sound, Steven found he did not lack in security.

These thoughts made Steven's eyelids grow heavy, so he turned over more comfortably on his bed. He wasn't particularly tired, but he thought if he rested a bit the Gems would likely be home by the time he woke up. He and Amethyst could have a midnight movie party… Steven chuckled lightly to himself, imagining Pearl's disapproving scowl and Garnet's small but divisive compliance to his plan. She wouldn't object, so Pearl would be three to one…

And just like that, Steven Universe was asleep and alone.

Unfortunately, he would not be alone for long.


	4. Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beach house has company, and Steven realizes he hates breathing.

A thud and a swoosh jolted Steven from sleep, and he sat up from his bed in a daze. There was a glow coming from the beach, basking the sand and water in a soft, blue light. It oddly reminded Steven of those scripted investigation TV shows, when the detectives use a black light to see traces of evidence hiding in plain sight. Rubbing his eyes at the sudden brightness and dispelling that obscure train of thought, Steven grumbled for his caretakers.

"Pearl? Garnet? What's going on? Amethyst?" Steven reached for his phone to check the time. It was just past 11 PM.

_Wow, I slept longer than I meant. Where is everyone? What's happening?_

Steven was about to yell louder for the Gems, but stopped short. The color drained from his face in realization – the last time the beach was coated in a light like this, a familiar stillness saturated the air. It was the Hand Ship, and the light was green…

He resorted to a whisper instead. " _Garnet? Pearl? Please… are any of you there?"_

It was terrifying, he realized. All he could see from his side window was the blue beach, the blue side of the statue, the cliff face that supported his home, coated in the same eerie blue… He could tell the general direction from which the light came, but the source was beyond his vision. To be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted to see where the light was coming from.

_Homeworld._

_Oh no, oh no oh no oh no. It's them. It's Homeworld. They're here, already. Where is everyone? How can there be no one here? Now of all times?_

Groggy from sleep, Steven's mind wasn't moving fast enough to come up with any sort of plan. Practically on auto-piolet, he frantically began to call Connie. She would be asleep by now, and maybe annoyed with him for not returning her call and texts after dinner, so she might not even answer. He tried to dial her anyways, hoping beyond hopes…

But her phone did not even ring – straight to voicemail. It was either dead (which was unlikely – Connie never let her phone battery below 20%) or the Maheswaran's confiscated her phone and turned the power off (which, Steven reasoned, was more likely. He had probably gotten her in trouble earlier). Stifling a groan, Steven was about to type a message when he stopped dead.

"Look at this, Apatite. How disgraceful." A haughty voice, not unlike Holly Blue Agate's sounded throughout the night. Steven froze and listened hard. _Apatite?_

"Cross-gem fusion, certainly. So tasteless these rebels..." The voice was growing louder, obviously approaching the beach house. Steven was in a total panic now, trying to remember to breath, to calm down, to exhale…inhale…

But it was no use. He needed to get up, to run, to warp… something, _anything_. All Steven could muster was to look down at his phone, frozen with fear, and called the first number that his finger landed on.

A ring passed, and two… Steven thought about getting up and hiding, but where? The steady ringing of the phone was actually providing some comfort, some steady footing to lean on in his panic. Looking around, trying to figure out a plan, Steven felt hiding wasn't exactly a great option; the open floorplan of his room that led into the rest of its home would be a hinderance.

_Beep. This is Lars, missed your call. Leave a message, or don't._

Steven was ready to throw his phone in frustration, but decided now might not be the best time for a tantrum. Looking around wildly for a place to hide, a small voice in the back of Steven's mind instructed him to hide under the covers. Shaking his head at his own childlike instincts, he acted quickly and hide in the most viable area – above. Silently, Steven stood from his bed and leapt upwards, gripping his phone for dear life, and managed to land softly on one of the highest beams in the house, praying that the Gems would warp in and intercept this mad situation, or the strangers wouldn't come inside, or they at least wouldn't look up…

As if in response to Steven's fears, the door burst. The poor, flimsy front entranceway to Steven's home had seen its fair share of abuse with all the Gem activity he was involved in (and his generally enthusiastic nature), but this time the door was completely smashed. Flying from its hinges, the tattered piece of wood and screen launched straight forward into the house. It skidded across the floor and stopped when it hit the edge of the warp pad.

If his heart could beat any faster, Steven was certain it would send him into cardiac arrest. He could feel the blood pumping in his brain, in his hands, his ears. His face felt hot while his body went numb. He laid down on the beams, trying to use the intersections in the supporting structures of the house to block as much of his body from sight. For once, Steven thanked his lucky stars that he had the body of a ten year old.

 _Please…please don't look up. Don't look up. Don't look up…_ was all Steven could think. This was… really, really bad.

"Where are they? They are supposed to behere." The same voice said flatly as they entered the home. Steven didn't dare steal a glance at the gem that spoke in spite of his curiosity. Now that they were only a few meters away, Steven was certain the voice did not belong to Holly Blue Agate, but there was a familiar sneer that emphasized each word that reminded him of the commanding blue gem. This voice, however, was a bit more feminine and authoritative.

"Apatite, the signals. To sooner get off this sad excuse of a colony." The same gem commanded coldly to her partner. The other – Apatite, apparently – said nothing.

The way the more talkative gem spoke, her intonation emanating disapproval and dislike for this planet, only added to the growing pit in the young hybrid's stomach. Why did Homeworld Gems hate the Earth so much? What was it about this place that turned everyone into enemies?

Steven knew the longer he was here, the more danger he was in. Hiding while stranger gems ransacked his home, with no plan and no allies, would not last for much longer. He needed to come up with some sort of strategy, some way out. Did he dare trying to call or text someone from his phone, or would the light of the screen give him away?

After debating with himself for several minutes, Steven settled on trying to text someone. As long as the duo below didn't look up, they shouldn't notice any activity. Very, very carefully, Steven lifted his phone to face him. His hands were clammy and his mind was racing.

_Now just got to unlock it…carefully, now, and I can text Pearl. What do I say? "911" would probably be fastest and to the point, but would she know what to do? Maybe Connie would be better?_

"Look at this. The nerve of these _Crystal Gems_... They sicken me." The same gem that spoke earlier broke his reprieve, her words coated in layers of distaste when she spoke the group's name. Although the tone of the voice did not surprise him, Steven was unsure of what exactly they were speaking about. What could they be looking at?

After several long moments of silence, Steven was about to return to his phone, but was surprised when he heard a new voice enter the conversation below. The voice was very quiet, so quiet Steven could barely hear it at first. It almost didn't sound like a voice at all, more of a crackly whisper that oddly reminded Steven of poor quality TubeTube videos.

"Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. _Wrong. Wrong. WRONG. WRONG._ _ **WRONG**_." After many moments, the voice kept growing louder, stronger and with a weight that reverberated deep in the ear drum. It was soon matched by a thumping that synchronized with each computerized syllable, growing in magnitude until the very foundation of the house began to shake. It was as if a thunderstorm had begun to rage within the very walls themselves, smashing atoms together in a hopes to bring the entire structure down, releasing a new wave of unbridled fury with each reverberation.

Then, as suddenly as it began, the pounding stopped. The voice stopped. It felt like the very Earth stopped in its rotation. The beach house became completely still and quiet again, to which Steven was relieved – if the foundation continued to shake like that he was confident the beams would break and send him tumbling down with them.

The voice, which could only belong to Apatite, Steven reasoned, returned to its original, robotic pitch. " _Rose Quartz…"_

The words took roots in the silence, rising with pain and blossoming into a maelstrom of emotions that saturated the very air. Steven didn't need to see the gems below him to know that something had changed – was it sadness he sensed? No, it was worse than that – more like agony. A particular sort of pain – _loss_ , that was it – pierced the near-darkness that surrounding the two gems and the half-gem, turning the air into a poisonous gas of grief. The very presence of oxygen felt to Steven like an ever-suffocating purgatory, constricting with each breath that passed through his half-human lungs.

It was unclear to him exactly if this was his own emotions or if was a product to his empathetic connection to others, but the tears were manifest all the same.

There was a silence that stretched on below for several minutes. Steven had no idea what the gems were doing – were they staring at the portrait of Rose Quartz, much like he did just hours ago? Were they moving around, silently? Had they left already, and through his ragged emotional state he had somehow failed to notice?

Gingerly picking his phone up off his chest once again, hands shaking worse than ever, Steven did his best to hide his screen within his shirt while fumbling through his messenger app.

 _Just one message… to anyone… doesn't matter._ Steven finally managed to type out "SOS HOME" and sent it to who he was pretty sure was Connie. Then, immediately after, he turned his phone off completely, in case anyone tried to contact him and caused his phone to vibrate.

Steven sat for another few minutes before he risked any form of movement. He still heard nothing from below and had no way to tell if they had left his home. He even strained his ears, hoping one of them would let out even a small breath, only to remember that gems do not need air.

 _If only I didn't need air._ Steven thought miserably. _I could have gone on that mission earlier. Everything would be different_. _I would be with the Gems, I wouldn't be alone, Garnet would have a plan and we would work together…_

Steven broke from his inner monologue when he heard a beeping. It was soft, similar to the pulsation of the radars that were used by official military people in all of those movies his Dad liked. It didn't seem to be coming from anywhere in particular, but the sound filled home.

Listening hard, Steven tried to locate the source of the sound. Perhaps it was just the way the beach house was shaped, but the way the sound bounced from wall to wall made it nigh impossible to trace. The sound just existed and it rang softly like a sonar.

After maybe a minute passed, a voice finally spoke and the beeping subsided.

"They were certainly here, it seems." It was the more talkative gem; apparently they had not left. There was some shuffling below and Steven heard the tearing of fabric. Absently, he made a note to apologize to Pearl for letting the house become a mess.

"Well go on, then. Search the perimeter. They're _human_. Find them." The unnamed Gem said. There was no exchange of words between the two as one pair of lithe footsteps moved out to the porch and down the stairs.

There was silence for what felt like a long time. Steven had no idea what time it was, but it felt like it has been hours since he woke from his bed, and he noticed he was starting to grow hungry.

 _Ugh, not now. I can't seriously give my hiding spot away because my stomach growled, right? Just think of the news headlines, 'Local Boy's Stomach Growls, then Brutally Murdered by Aliens."_ _Just got to wait a little longer…_

After several more minutes, the commanding Gem spoke into the oppressive silence that has ensconced them for what felt like ages. To Steven's surprise, her voice was much gentler this time.

"Why, Rose Quartz? Why didn't it matter to you? Why didn't _she_ matter to you?" No one needed to explain who "she" was.

Steven heard a slight nudging sound against the wall near the portrait but wasn't able to tell what had caused it. Perhaps it was coming from outside, where he guessed Apatite's must have gone to "search the perimeter?"

That thought made Steven's heart sink. _What am I doing?_ Realization crashed down on him so violently he would have smacked his own forehead, if not for his current situation. _There's a Gem – a Homeworld Gem – out there, roaming Beach City, and I'm just sitting here, doing nothing. What sort of Crystal Gem am I? I'm supposed to protect them, and I can't even do that…_

As Steven's thoughts began to spiral in another panic and his pulse began to quicken to alarming levels, there was an insidious _crack_ followed by the sudden splintering of wood. Startled, and reflexes shot from stress, all Steven's brain could manage as far as a reaction was _move._ Unfortunately, given that he had been lying on a beam suspended in midair, there was nowhere to go but down.

Steven fell unceremoniously from the beam with a gentle _plop_ onto the ground. He might have been able to land softer had he been better prepared to use his floating powers, but he was thankfully unscathed from the fall. He brushed his hands onto the sides of his jeans out of instincts, wiping away some of the sweat that had made his hands sticky and uncomfortable. Then, he froze.

He made eye contact with a tall, orange Gem. Her height was comparable to that of Jasper, but her frame was much closer to Pearl's. She was wiry and had a long face, dark eyes and an orange gem on her torso, a little lower than Amethysts and a bit higher than Steven's own gem. She wore an intricate geometric dress that went down to the floor and crossed at her shoulders, forming the diamond symbol on her back. Her hair was very short, practically a buzz cut, in a shade that Steven thought was a lighter shade of orange than her own skin. The whole situation had a mystical, surreal element to it as the entire house was still bathed in the glowing blue light from outside, so he couldn't be sure.

The gem standing counter to the young boy stared back, face betraying no trace of emotion. She studied him intently, eyes unmoving as they appraised him. Gems did not need to blink, which made the entire stare that much more uncomfortable, her eyes scavenging his small frame, taking in every detail. Without any idea what to do and having so totally failed in his attempt to hide, Steven just looked back at the gem without a word.

One set of eyes gazed, another feared, each wondering the intent of the other. They stood there locked in a wordless, motionless dance for several minutes, before finally, the gem knelt down. She didn't kneel down in front of Steven, however, but knelt down and placed a small device on the ground. It wasn't much larger than a toaster and was equipped with a simple dial and one large yellow button. The Gem adjusted the dial and pressed the button, causing the device to beep in a regular pattern for several seconds. After perhaps ten seconds of beeping, a yellow light burst from the device and swept over the house like a laser. The line of light moved over anything and everything visible, descending the walls in a soundless display. It itched over Steven's skin without hesitation, stopping finally when the light reached the warp pad behind him. Flashing suddenly, the light disappeared and the warp pad began to glow – not the familiar glow that indicated that someone was traveling, but the very stone itself began to shine. If Steven hadn't been so terrified, he might have thought it was beautiful.

Then, the light gently faded into nothingness, followed by a sickening _crack_. The elegantly carved stone that had been central to the Temple – and indeed Steven's home – was broken into three slabs of rock that each jutted awkwardly in opposite directions. Vaguely, Steven remembered some image of tectonic plates that Connie had shown him in a book once, but he didn't think this looked the same.

The light display and consequent crack had interrupted the staring for a short time, but Steven found his eyes returning to the threatening presence that stood in his home. On the ground at her feet, Steven saw the portrait of his mother and couldn't help but gasp. The portrait, frame and all, had been crushed into a small heap of wood and canvas.

The reaction from the fragile boy was met with movement from his opposite; the unnamed gem began to slowly prowl towards him. His instincts told him to back away, further and further into the Temple and away from this unknown figure. In his feeble retreat, he backed into one of the dislodged slabs of the warp pad and stopped moving. His mind screamed at his legs to get up, to move, to fight, to do something, to do _anything_ , but he found he could do nothing but sit there and stare as the gem approached.

She was just in front of him now. She stood so tall above him that she cast a long shadow over the scene, the floor littered with broken pieces of wood, stone, debris from the door… All Steven could do was return her piercing gaze in muted terror.

She lowered her body gracefully, her movements reminding Steven so much of Pearl, resting on her feet while she bent her knees into a squat, almost to his eye-level. Leaning threateningly over Steven, her face looked down from only about a foot away. Her mouth opened naturally, revealing sharpened teeth in a wicked grin.

"Tell me, human. What makes you so special?"


	5. Half-Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven tries his hand at lying and suffers the consequences.

"Now, now, there's no need to be afraid."

Steven simply stared, his eyes wide and his heart thumping violently at the terrifying orange gem that was only inches away. Despite her words that Steven needn't fear, her lethally calm voice and malevolent smile suggested otherwise.

The Gem looked down, like a predator cornering its prey, meeting the wide-eyed stare of a horrified human child.

"Tell me, child. Why are you here?" She looked around, her face set in stone that was both elegant and terrifying, waving a thin hand to gesture around the temple. Then she returned her gaze to Steven, her head tilted innocently to one side.

Steven opened his mouth to answer, but found the words caught in his throat. He had never been so scared in his entire life. There was something about the presence of his Gem, his absolute loneliness, the blue light, the broken warp pad… it all made him feel powerless.

"Answer me." It was a simple command, but Steven could sense the threat lingering behind her voice… _or else._ His mouth had gone dry and he found it challenging to speak, so he cleared his throat gently and answered carefully.

"I… live here." It barely sounded like his own voice, raspy and anxious, a harsh breath of air that scratched against his windpipe.

"Good. Where are the Crystal Gems?"

Steven did not know what to say this time, but he felt powerless in the presence of this towering stranger. He tried to think of a lie, something that would satisfy her and protect the Gems. The orange gem said nothing, watching the boy plainly, eventually narrowing her eyes at the extended silence.

"Do not make me ask again." She delicately brushed a hand against his face, a touch that dared to be comforting, but it only made his stomach lurch as the icy fingers traced across his cheek. He shivered and drew away from her hand instinctually, only to regret his choice a moment later. He looked at her, expecting anger, but found only a blank stare.

"I… don't know…" Steven managed to choke out, his mind racing.

"You're lying." It wasn't a question. Her voice dripped with venom as she stood up to full height, towering over the human child. As effortlessly as she had regained her posture, she lifted a stone-smooth leg from an open hem that slit halfway down her dress, raising it out towards one side and slammed into Steven's comparably tiny frame. He flew to the left, slamming into the wall and felt a flurry of pain rush through his body. His head had smacked into the wall from the force of the impact, leaving him in a daze; his left ribs ached from the force of impact with her foot, and his left ankle had turned at an unnatural angle under his body weight. His vision swimming, Steven struggled to watch the orange gem approach him a second time. Though she was not built like a Quartz soldier, she was still a gem, an adversary, and she could certainly hurt him.

"Where are the Crystal Gems?" She asked again. The false delicacy that had masked her earlier words had vanished. Now, her entire presence radiated menace.

"They… are gone. Left. Earlier today. Maybe the ocean? Please… I really, really don't know." Steven tried his best to play up his humanity, praying that his answer would be satisfactory.

At first, the Gem said nothing. She simply started at him blankly once more.

Standing at his feet, the gem finally answered. "Hmm. I sense your honesty, child. Come." The last statement was not a command, but an afterthought she spoke mostly to herself. She grasped Steven by the collar of his shirt and effortlessly lifted him off the ground. Her arm extended at a ninety-degree angle away from her body, holding Steven far from her body but firmly, like he might infect her with a disease if she held him too close.

"Wait! Stop, please!" Steven struggled in her grasp helplessly, grabbing at his collar and her hand to try to pry himself free. He was really panicking now – what did she want with his caretakers? Why did they need humans? He was weak from being hurled into the wall earlier, however, and found his grip to be useless against her iron grip.

The Gem ignored his pleads outright. Instead, she grabbed at something attached at her waist and walked towards the porch of the beach house. It had a yellow, blue and white insignia embedded in the front and glowed at her touch. It floated in midair, a few inches from her mouth.

"Apatite. To me – I have one of them." Her tone did not leave room for questioning.

She looked over at Steven while she patiently waited for Apatite to return.

"Why did they do it?" the tall gem asked. She wasn't looking at him, but into the distance of the ocean, eyes betraying no emotion. Steven was unsure if the question was directed at him, but he felt obliged to answer.

"Um… I don't know… what y-you're talking about." The words came out as gentle whispers, eager not to upset the gem but answering honestly. His mind moving a million miles a minute, he desperately tried to think of what he could do to get away. Once the other gem arrives, his already low odds of escape would become infinitesimal. The gems lips pressed into a thin line at his response, glancing at the human dangling from her outstretched arm, but she said nothing and looked away.

Steven continued to struggle hopelessly, not wanting to give up but he recognized how futile his efforts were. No noise exchanged between them for several minutes aside from Steven's regular intake of breath and occasional grunt as he wriggled in the tall gem's grasp. Steven did his best to turn in her grip, however, and managed to make out what must have been the Homeworld ship. In size, it was only a bit smaller than the Hand Ship, but the shape was more geometric. With curving edges, the massive blue object was simply a rectangle, wider than it was tall, sleek and enigmatic. The blue face of the vessel shined slightly in the reflective light of the ocean, suspended gracefully above water and absolutely soundless. Outside, the beach was coated in a darker blue that had filtered in through the windows of the beach house.

The longer Steven looked at the ship, the worse his headache was becoming. Eventually, he stopped struggling against his captor's grip entirely once the ache had become a painful throbbing on the back of his skull. He stopped resisting and hung there limply. It was useless.

 _He_ was useless.

With nothing left to do, Steven shut his eyes and listened to the stillness around him. The only breathing was his own, and the only sounds were the waves and the slight breeze. If he wasn't acutely aware of the throbbing in the back of his head and the uncomfortable grip the Gem had around his shirt, Steven would almost be tempted to say it was peaceful.

 _Just like this morning. How did everything go so wrong? I wanted to be ready. I HAD to be ready. To protect my friends… the Gems, my family… Connie…_ Involuntarily, he felt warm tears roll down his cheeks. He couldn't even save himself, how was he supposed to save anyone else?

Steven cried silently for a minute or so before the other Gem arrived. Steven felt like this whole ordeal has gone on for hours, and judging by his physical exhaustion, he suspected it to be well past midnight.

"The child," was all that was said by the orange gem who held him aloft.

Steven blinked away his tears as best he could, trying to make out the details of Apatite.

She was not nearly as tall as the orange gem, but she was still plenty taller than Steven. His best guess would have been the height of Pearl, but the proportions and coloration were all wrong. She was a pale blue with very pale orange hair and her clothes were varying shades of deeper blues. Steven noticed a diamond symbol on her chest that reminded him of Peridot, but the area was cut out to reveal her skin underneath. She had long hair, not unlike Sapphire's, but no bangs. She was shaped like a taller Ruby, wide but not beefy in the same way as the "Famethysts" that he met at the Human Zoo. Perhaps most startling of all was the placement of Apatite's gem – her mouth. Steven has never seen a Gem that covered the bearer's mouth, and it made Steven uncomfortable to look her in the face. Where there should have been a frown, a smile, a grimace or _anything_ that portrayed some sort of emotion was just an oblong blue Gem.

Steven looked away, trying and failing to turn in the grip of his holder so that he might face away from them both.

The same robotic voice that spoke earlier, crackled and distorted, sounded again.

"Where is the adult?" it asked. Steven was surprised to say the least, looking down at Apatite to realize she had a screen pulled in front her that greatly resembled something that had once belonged to a certain green gem he knew.

"I don't – who?" Steven managed. He suspected he knew where this was going, but he didn't want it to be true.

The blue gem lifted up his mangled cheeseburger backpack, and held out two pairs of glowing purple earrings. They released that same steady radar-like beep that had sounded earlier in the temple. A small voice in his head couldn't help but note the tragic condition that had befallen his beloved novelty pack, but he pushed the thought away. He had much bigger, more life-threatening worries at this time.

Finally, when no one spoke, the blue gem's screen sounded again, vocalizing words unavailable to Apatite. "The adult human male that escaped with you. Where is it?"

And there it was. Steven had a sickening suspicion that it was those horrid earrings that caused this – it was too convenient that he popped the bubble and _that_ night Homeworld gems showed up. He shouldn't have disturbed those stupid earrings, he should have been more responsible, he should have waited for the Gems to come home, he should have asked Peridot about the risks… So much he should have done and failed to do. And then there was the matter with his Dad. Steven knew that if they came for him, one of the humans who donned the futuristic earrings, they must also be searching for their other bearer. Steven's father.

"I don't know!" Steven answered finally, with a little too much enthusiasm given the situation. He wanted desperately for them to leave his Dad out of this, and if he could just stall long enough for the Gems to return…

"I- I don't know. The Crystal Gems just took us. I've been here since and don't know where they took the older guy. I don't really understand what's going on." Steven tried to lie convincingly, playing up his childlike voice to sound especially helpless and confused.

Neither gem said anything at first. They just stood there, Apatite looking into her screen and his orange captor looking at him. All of this staring and silence was making Steven incredibly uncomfortable.

Finally, with a jolt, the orange gem flung Steven down into the sand below. He slide painfully backwards through the sand, but was nowhere near as hurt as when he was kicked inside the house.

"Child," The orange gem said dangerously. "Look around you." She gestured upwards at the giant woman that was so emblematic of his home, shining in the blue glow that came from the ocean.

"Do you honestly expect us to believe that? We know all about these Crystal Gems…" The orange gem was standing right before Steven once again. He stared up at her in horror as he felt fear creep up through his stomach and seize his heart.

"We know of that they are _disgusting,"_ she said, followed by a swift kick to the chest. Steven groaned in pain and rolled over in the sand.

" _Unforgivable_ ," another kick, this one to the back of his legs. He was crying now, the pain between his head and his bruised body becoming too much.

" _Traitors!_ " This time, the orange gem did not harm him. Steven tensed as he prepared for the flash of pain somewhere along his body, but it never came. Instead, he weakly opened his eyes and to his own dismay found himself inside of his bubble. He had tried to suppress the instinct to defend himself, but his body couldn't help but react as the pain became paramount with each hit.

Covered in sand, badly bruised, head aching, a few ribs likely broken, Steven rolled onto his back as gently as he could and began to shrink away from the pair. They both looked down at him, genuine shock painted on their faces.

This time, the blue gem approached him cautiously, and he tried to push the edge of his bubble backwards through the sand. He could have even smiled, remembering when he and Connie tried to push their way across the beach in his bubble the day they met. _Connie…_

He felt the world sway, head feeling heavy as he tried and failed to put distance between himself and the approaching blue gem. The bubble fell just before Apatite could even challenge the bubble. In a small, shuttering sigh, Steven exhaled deeply into the Beach City air, releasing the last strings of tension that bound him to consciousness.

Then, everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading so far, I hope you're enjoying! The next chapter will be longer and, hopefully, will offer some insight into the whole mess that is unraveling.


	6. White, Blue, Green and Black All Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally uncover where the Crystal Gems have been, revisit our favorite barnmates, and Steven wakes up.

_White_

"Ruby, would you _please_ wait!" Pearl shouted through the swirling waters. She was fatigued and distressed, trying to keep the group together in spite of a difficult battle. The ocean had not been an ally this day – the waters jostled them all apart, and despite their best efforts, it only took one small mistake… one unexpected clash of gem against gem and…

She shuddered and pushed the thought from her mind.

_There is no way that Garnet is… gone. They just couldn't find Sapphire's gem, that was all. Yes, we will find her any minute now. She was just poofed, certainly, and was floating around on the sea floor. Once we find her, I can go back home, and if they were lucky, Steven might not have gone to bed. Oh I hope he isn't staying up for our sake, but it would be nice to hug him good night._

Added to her list of emotions, now Pearl felt guilt swell in her chest, thinking about her baby being alone all day. Steven was strong, but he was sensitive. This was supposed to be a standard mission – go in, poof and bubble the corrupted gem, go home. She had no way of knowing if Steven had tried to contact her, her mobile phone securely stored away in her gem, not wanting to ruin it in the depths of the sea. She looked upwards through the water, too deep to make out the surface, but she suspected it had grown dark outside.

Shaking her head, Pearl forced herself to focus. Amethyst swam past her angrily, taking the form of a shark as she scoured the waters for Sapphire. Ruby was swim-walking furiously in a different direction, causing the water around her to boil and disturbing the aquatic ecosystem. The plants wilted strangely in the water, too damaged to live but their danced continued with the shifting of the waters. Pearl frowned, reminded of the crude marionettes that were once popular as a form of human entertainment: lifeless yet animated, a paradox.

"Please, Ruby, if we just make a plan we might find her faster!" Pearl shouted hopelessly after her, running along the bottom of the ocean as fast she could. Ruby only screamed behind her.

" _No!_ I have to find her _now!_ She's alone down here!" Ruby pushed ahead faster, talking to herself furiously, leaving Pearl far behind her.

Pearl sighed. She didn't need to use her lungs, but sometimes she found the human reflex comforting. It helped to stabilize her in moments of duress. Standing still, Pearl turned her head and gazed along the sea floor in every direction.

 _We could be here for hours… days, even. Honestly, we should just wait for her to reform and she can come back to us. It's foolish to stay down here…_ but Pearl couldn't say the words aloud, especially to Ruby. Truth be told, Pearl was fearful for Sapphire's safety as well. If she was… _gone_ (Pearl found she couldn't muster the word 'shattered'), what would become of the Crystal Gems?

Pearl realized it was selfish to think this way, but what would _she_ do? She never had the level-headed nature of a leader, none of Rose's confidence or Garnet's composure, but Amethyst and Steven would certainly look to her for guidance… And if they do manage to find her, what will they find? Her gem… or shards? The word made Pearl tense, the lean gem rubbing her cheek as she thought to herself. If the latter was true, and even if Steven found a way to heal shattered gems, could they ever find all of Sapphire? They would never be able to search the whole ocean for countless shards.

_The whole ocean…_

"Amethyst! Wait, please!" Pearl shouted for the purple gem to stop, and much to Pearl's relief, she stopped and turned towards her.

"What, P?! Get off my case – I'm searching as _fast as I can!"_ Amethyst was immediately defensive. It was impossible to tell surrounded by water, but there was a redness in her eyes that made it look like she had been crying…

"Amethyst… I'm sorry." She placed a hand gently on the purple gem's head (which, Pearl noted, was somewhat awkward given her shapeshifted form).

"I need to go back. Not – " she raised a hand when Amethyst looked furious.

" _Not_ because I think we should stop. But this could take forever. We have an ally who might be able to help. Her specialty _is_ the ocean after all." Realization dawned on Amethyst's fishy face as Pearl spoke, and she nodded in understanding.

"Go. Now! I'll tell Ruby." Amethyst swam away quickly, wasting no time to catch up with the fuming red gem. Pearl turned back and swam hastily to shore, making her way to the nearest warp pad as fast as she could. Mask Island was only thirty minutes away…

_Blue_

Lapis was reclining on some pillows and blankets on the second "floor" of the barn, which was really more of a makeshift balcony than anything, wrapping up the fourth episode of the fifth season of Camp Pining Hearts. Peridot, she was vaguely aware, was working on her new projects somewhere below. Besides the occasion whirl of a drill, a thoughtful _hmm,_ or the steady clang of a hammer, it was quiet in the country. The sun was almost gone from the sky, some of the horizon giving way to the deep blues and purples that would encapsulate the Earth for another rotation. It wasn't the same as seeing the breathtaking, infinite stretch of the cosmos from Homeworld, a billion stars always in view, but Lapis had to admit, the sky here was beautiful in its own way. The descent of the sun, ever-yielding to the encroaching presence of the moon, sliding gracefully out of view to give its celestial complement an opportunity to reign. And without fail, the sun would return, fruitlessly chasing the moon as if begging it to stay, to share in a dance. But they inevitably drove the other across the horizon, painfully dependent yet irrevocable adversaries.

And then there were the colors that stretched across the planet Earth. The way the sun stained the vista with a million tears, leaving streaks of reds and orange, yellow and magenta, never the same, but never quite new. The moon would eventually overpower their counterpart, evading the chase for another orbital rotation and would wipe away the tears that stained the horizon, replacing them with stars and darkness for miles. The sun and the moon – there were billions of stars and cold dwarfs out there, Lapis knew, but this particular pairing… It was something to admire.

As she sat, looking out into the stars, Lapis was reminded of something Steven had said to her, many months ago: _Nothing is_ still _on Earth. Everything's always changing._ And, clever like Steven was, he was right. No single night since she began to call this place home has Lapis noticed the sun set quite the same way, the stars come out at quite same time or in quite the same fashion. Sometimes, the sun made the skyline bleed crimson reds, other days were painted in calming greys the whole way through. She would never get that constant, perfect view of galaxies that were ever-present on Homeworld, but Lapis was pretty sure she didn't want the sunset to be perfect. It was… special, this way.

She watched the sun go down for a while longer, peacefully lost thought, thankful she met Steven. If he hadn't been so kind to her, she would never have been able to sit here, free to hate or love, pity or respect, leave or stay as she chose. This was, for the first time in her life, _her_ life. She felt ownership of the way she talked, where she went, how she acted – and all thanks to a simple 14-year old boy, whose heart was always so full and kind.

While thinking of that particular human – her beach summer fun-buddy – Lapis wondered why he hadn't come by yet. He said the Crystal Gems would have been home around "dinner time," which Lapis has noticed is before the sunsets for Steven, usually. She had a bit of a knot in her stomach when she last saw him, her instincts telling her not to leave him alone. It was something she couldn't explain, just an irrational fear – she tried to shake away the feeling.

Leaning over the side of the balcony, Lapis spotted Peridot knelling down outside the Ruby Ship with an indiscriminate pile of parts.

"Peridot – have you heard from Steven?" Lapis called down, trying not to sound worried.

Peridot, who had obviously been deep in thought, jumped a bit at the sound of the blue gems voice and dropped whatever piece of technology she had been holding.

"Ah. Yes, only a bit ago. He sent me a message – allow me." Peridot cleared her throat. Lapis flew gently down in front of the green gem who was fidgeting with her arm-rectangle.

"Hey Peri – The Gems said they will be home late. Can't get ahold of them so no permission. But I found something in the Temple – I think it might be just what you need!" Peridot put a proud fist to her chest and finished by saying "So once the Crystal Clo—Gems. Once the Crystal _Gems_ return, Steven said he will come over. I could actually use his help with a few of these things…" Peridot looked down at her pile of technology thoughtfully.

"Mmm," was all Lapis could manage.

 _Why am I worrying so much? There's nothing wrong. I_ just _saw Steven and he was his usual, bubbly self. I'm just being paranoid._

"Did you want my help with anything?" Lapis asked, looking down and the gem. Peridot seemed flustered at the suggestion and started to pick up random things off the ground.

"Well, um. No, not right now. Actually, well, maybe… No, no. Maybe…?" She kept picking stuff up and setting them down again, a green blush creeping up her face.

_Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on her? Better let up…_

"Well, if you need me..." Lapis gave her a shrug and flew atop the silo at the other end of the clearing, facing away from the sunset, studying the blackness that battled for dominance across the sky.

_Green_

Peridot watched Lapis soar away from her to rest on the silo, a sight she had become familiar with by now. Unless there was company, Lapis tended to gravitate towards the TV, to playing with Pumpkin, or sitting on the silo – usually the choice architecture corresponded with her barnmate's mood, Peridot had noticed. The short gem crossed her arms and looked after her blue companion and was thoughtful for a few moments.

_Why am I such a… 'nerd', is that what Amethyst called it? Socially unsuccessful, erudite and preoccupied? None of those qualities seem inherently negative to me, but I am confident Steven informed me of the undesirable connotations associated with being a nerd. Was it this "nerd-like" behavior that always pushed Lapis away?_

Snapping back into reality, Peridot was surprised to find her face warm. She rubbed her cheek, studying the are all capable of humility, embarrassment, and mistakes (aside from Diamonds, who are objectively unable to make mistakes). But there was something about the patterns of the warmth on her cheeks here on Earth that was unfamiliar to Peridot. In fact, it was illogical; there was no one here but her, gazing after her blue friend, so what was the utility of humility at such a time?

_My ability to emote appropriately must be affected by this planet. Steven would be able to explain this disruption in my expressive reactions,I imagine. Like he had once explained rain, and thunder, and music…_

Scratching her chin, Peridot returned to the task at hand. She made a mental note to ask Steven about this phenomenon when he arrived, which must be soon. The sun had almost completely set, which the small gem found surprising. The air had a crisp quality to it at nights around the barn, a stillness that was somehow peaceful and exhilierating. The way the hills rolled gently in the darkness, free of sound and distraction, save what came from the barn, a small enclave in the middle of nothingness… The entirety of it all just exuded _potential_. The possibilities in such a place were endless, this place made _her_ feel endless, a million opportunities for the next day, the next hour, even the next minute. Here, Peridot felt unstoppable.

Using her gem as a light source, the green engineer studied the parts in front of her, considering the most practical application for such equipment.

_Weapons are always useful, but all of the others are pre-equipped with weapons. Transportation was somewhat of an issue, unless the destination was immediately within travelling distance of a warp pad. Maybe modifying and re-scaling the Ruby Ship to a ship that would suit the needs of cross-fusions, and a half-human… Or defense mechanisms? That may be best – but what? Blast shields around the temple? Warning drones when something enters the atmosphere?_

Picking up some parts, Peridot smiled as she settled on her first project. She would need pieces from the hand ship and some components from the inside of the drill primarily, and she was sure she could find sufficient screws and bolts around the barn. The trick to something like this was the same as her vehicle, unfortunately – reaction time. Without conscious command, defense equipment might be difficult. The green gem frowned down at the parts she had begun to move to a separate pile, most of which were small sensors and a few securing mechanisms.

 _No. I can't just give up. There has to be another way…_ It took some time, fiddling with first a band that covered her wrist like a human watch, but eventually Peridot felt she had come to a compromise. No voice activated nonsense here; with some clever implementation and some seamless and straightforward handiwork, the green gem swelled with confidence as she climbed into the Ruby Ship to find exactly what she needed.

Perhaps another hour of this activity passed, and Peridot was thrilled to already have 7 simple prototypes. The mechanics at this point were crude, all imitations of her own wrist band, all in varying sizes. Besides, the concept was sound – with some aesthetic adjustments and troubleshooting, these could be ready for each of her teammates within a week. The only caveat, to Peridot's displeasure, was that something of this small scale would need to be customized, which would require at least a half-hours time with each gem.

This would be a good place to break in her work, Peridot decided. In fact, the green gem couldn't help but smile when she thought of something Steven once said to her.

 _Working hard is important, but feeling good is important too._ Maybe she would use this time to work on her morps, or even practice her music.

Humming a tune, Peridot scanned the dark skies for her blue companion. There was no trace of the person she sought in the air or on the silo and there was no sound from the T.V. Peridot glanced around for Pumpkin, certain the creature was with her moments ago. Looking behind her, as she suspected their little orange companion was rolling aimlessly in some torn fabric that littered the ground.

_Not with Pumpkin, either. Did she leave again? I didn't hear the warp pad activate, but that never stopped her… I wish she would have at least told me where she went…_

A tinge of worry entered Peridot's mind, as it always did when Lapis disappeared without a trace. After everything that happened with Jasper, Peridot felt uneasy about Lapis being completely alone. She understood, of course, that Lapis needed space and to _be_ alone, but to be physically gone was another matter.

Just as Peridot was about to yell for Lapis, however, the nearby warp pad activated. The slight swish that disrupted the natural wind swept towards the barn and was accompanied by a familiar flash of light. Wherever Lapis had gone, she had just returned. A bit overly excited with relief and propelled by her general enthusiasm, Peridot rushed over the small hill that separated the barn from the warp pad, only to stop short in surprise.

Where Peridot had expected to see the lithe blue gem stood another gem of similar height and frame, but was white with pointed hair and a graceful poise that never failed to make the green gem feel just a _bit_ smaller.

"Pearl? What are _you_ doing here?" The green gem asked, not intending to sound rude but unable to disguise her genuine surprise. After all, Pearl rarely made an appearance at the barn without Steven, and almost never without the company of Amethyst and Garnet.

"It's nice to see you too, Peridot." Pearl said, a bit too sharply. Pearl frowned a bit at herself – she didn't intend to be adversarial towards Peridot, but the stress and panic of the day had frayed her nerves.

"S-sorry. It's an emergency. We need Lapis... if you think she'll help us." Pearl made no attempt to mask her emotions, simply needing answers, quickly.

"An emergency? Is Steven okay? He was waiting for you – wait, Lapis?" Peridot was now thoroughly confused, and she was becoming more anxious by the minute. It has been many months since Pearl has looked this frantic, during a time Malachite stilled roamed the seas and the Cluster was untamed. Here stood Peridot's most rational ally on Earth, looking defeated and desperate. That was unsettling.

Then there was the other problem to consider… the others had never particularly made amends with Lapis, with the obvious exception of Steven.

"I- Steven – we haven't gone home." Pearl's stomach twisted with guilt at this, but she continued. Now was no time for weakness.

"It's Garnet, well, _really_ it's Sapphire. Look, it's a long story. Garnet became unfused, we think Sapphire got poofed while underwater, Ruby is inconsolable, Amyethyst is blaming herself and now… we can't find her gem. And I'm sure the others won't leave until we do, which is why I haven't gone home." As Pearl concluded the cheap summary of the challenging day, her voice cracked and tears welled in her eyes. She _really_ did not have time to be giving a recap, her heart aching with the possibility that Sapphire was… _Garnet_ was… and Steven, still alone, but there's no _time_ , there's never enough _time…_

Period needed a moment to process this information, her head whizzing with a million questions but Pearl seemed in no mood to answer them. After another minute of silence, Pearl walked lightly from the warp pad towards the green gem and placed a delicate hand on her shoulder.

"Peridot? Where is Lapis?"

"Oh. Well, um… I was just looking for her myself, actually. I – I thought that maybe you were her, when I heard the warp."

The green gem was still struggling to make sense of Pearl's story, and she couldn't help but linger on all that was left unsaid. _How did they become unfused? Why was Amethyst blaming herself – what happened? Why were they underwater? Were the others still fighting, or had the threat been neutralized? Where was Lapis? Would she even want to help them?_ All of these thoughts just increased Peridot's worries by degrees; she had really come to like The Garnet, and the thought of her being gone caused an uncomfortable lump to form in her throat.

Pearl, exhasperated, simply said nothing and began walking towards the barn, hoping beyond hopes that Peridot had simply overlooked the hydrokinetic gem's presence. They _really_ needed Lapis right now…

_Black All Over_

Steven sat in darkness for a long time. _Pain_. _Hunger. Pain. Hunger._ It was a taunting mantra, flickering on-repeat like a record that reached its final rotation, spinning and spinning and _spinning_ like it was begging to be relieved from turning, but no merciful hand appeared. Each sensation flared through his body in waves, sometimes the pain subsiding as his hunger grew uncomfortable, but the waltz continued until the other took the lead. It was an agonizing harmony that filled the blackness and silence, but only just.

When he first awoke, Steven groaned at his own discomfort. His first instinct was to open his eyes like he might have woken from a pleasant nap, only to blink and realize there was nothing there. Just blackness, complete nothingness. It was as if he was floating through space once again, but this time without his bubble, and he was certain he had gravity here. Just to be certain, Steven groped around his body to make sure the ground was real. Indeed, he found it icy to the touch, but solid.

The more his hands explored, the closer he came back to full consciousness. His mind was regaining awareness, but not the same way you do when you awake from sleep a restful sleep, where dreams and reality gently untangle in the haze of the morning. No, this was just transitioning from nothingness into existence again. He had not rested – at least, not in the traditional sense – but he must have been asleep for awhile. The pangs of hunger that itched through his stomach told him that several hours had passed.

His body felt heavy, _so_ heavy, and he was pressed against the floor on his left side. At first, the cold floor was a relief to his aching muscles and bruised body, but cool became cold and the comfort became shivers. A part of him told him he should get up, but he couldn't find the will right now. Instead, he settled on readjusting very slightly, slowly, stretching his midsection across the floor while using his arm to support the majority of his body weight. At least at this angle, Steven's ribs did not ache as horribly.

For a long time, Steven just laid unmoving in the endless darkness. His eyes were open, but it made no difference. He lifted his free hand, the one not supporting his weight, in front of his face but saw nothing. He couldn't tell where he was and he was struggling to remember how he came to be here. The more he tried to think, the more his head pounded.

What time was it? How long since he had that bowl of cereal? It all felt like ages ago.

 _I was at home… there was something about a bike? And there was Peridot and Lapis… breakfast, I think? I called Connie? Or was it Lars? Then…_ and reality came rushing back to him in a flurry of emotions and reflexes. He flew up from a laying position and stared hard towards the void, hoping his eyes would come to focus on something if he tried long enough, but it was to no avail. There was no trace of light in the room whatsoever, only making Steven realize how he had absolutely no sense of space. He felt like he should be claustrophobic, but even the extent of the nothingness was unconfirmed. All he knew is that he was sitting on a cold floor in the darkness, hungry, in pain, and painfully alone.

Now, the hybrid was in a leaning position, trying to piece together what little information he had. His jeans provided a bit of comfort, separating his skin from the cold floor, but his arms were cold. Hugging himself for warmth, Steven didn't know exactly _where_ he was, but he knew exactly _why_ he was here: the Homeworld gems. He had gone unconscious on the beach, at their mercy, and he thought about those last moments. He had been in a lot of pain then, so he tried to inspect his body as best he could without light. Gently, he felt the back of his head and felt a strange crumbling in his hair, which he rubbed tenderly and returned his hand in front of his face. He smelled the particles, although he was pretty sure he already knew what it was. He grimaced.

 _Blood_. Not good.

Next, he inspected his ribs, which were feeling a bit better after the cold treatment and readjustment of his weight. As for the rest of his body, he didn't need see to know that it was bruised and cut in random places. In spite of how bad things might seem, however, Steven could not help but feel a bit relieved that none of his bones seemed to be broken. _Broken…?_

He gasped and reached down to feel his gem. His heart beat painfully in his chest but relaxed as his fingers gently rubbed the smooth surface of his gemstone, carefully running his finger along the outside where it connected with his flesh. He wasn't cracked, his gemstone was still attached to his body… but there was still much to worry about.

First off, where was he, exactly? The perfectly smooth floor suggested that this was Gem tech. The crisp, seamless floors felt just like the Hand Ship had when he awoke in his holding cell, but without any source of light here there was no way to be sure. His best guess was the blue ship he had seen above the water, but that was only a guess. And even if that were correct, where was the ship? Was he still on Earth, or had the ship already left the atmosphere? He leaned his head back and tried to remember details about the other times he was in space… When he was thrust out into space by the Rubies, it had been cold – even colder than this. The Hand Ship and Pink Diamond's base had more regular temperatures, unlike his present holding place. The closest he ever felt to this sensation was when he got pushed from the warp stream by a robonoid – there was air, but not much, and it was chilly, but not as miserably freezing as drifting through the void of space. There was no way he was trapped outside of a warp stream, he was almost certain, but he patted the floor beneath him against just to reassure himself. Yes – solid ground. Not outside the warp stream. Last time, he was caught by Garnet… Steven gasped.

_The Gems! How could I be so stupid?_

What happened to _them_? Did they get captured? What happened after he passed out? Did Connie ever get his message? What if they were hurt? If only he hadn't fallen from that beam… His eyes overflowed in warm tears as the thoughts of his family and friends rushed back into his brain and he wrapped his body inwards upon itself carefully. Pulling his knees to his chest and placing his head down, Steven tried his hardest to control his crying. He feebly tried to calm himself, rationalizing that he couldn't waste his tears: the water supply within his body might soon become a scarce and valuable resource.

 _Garnet. The note. She loved him. The way she rescued him outside of the warp stream, the way she wiped a tear from under her visor when she found him, hugging him close. He thought he was going to die that day, but only moments later he was snuggled close to Garnet's chest, her soothing voice, her strong and comforting embrace. Where is she? Where is Pearl and Amethyst? Peridot, Lapis? Connie? Dad? Had they taken his Dad,_ again? _Did anyone even know he was gone? Would he… ever see them again?_

And Steven sat and cried anyways, his head beginning to pound. He thought the whole episode might be making him dizzy, but any sensation in this suffocating blackness was all wrong. He couldn't understand space, or time, or anything, really. What felt like hours could have been minutes – what could have been an endless room might only be a few meters wide. The only thing he knew for sure is that he was alone with his memories and the warm comfort of his tears.


	7. Half-Gem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven explores his prison and looks directly into the sun.

Waking up and finding no change in his vision, Steven was starting to wonder if he had gone blind. Or had he been poofed? He always imagined retreating to his Rose Quartz gemstone would be… refreshing? Surprising, certainly, but whenever his caretakers had to retreat into their gems they seemed to come back in a better condition than they had before being poofed. In a way, Steven always imagined the whole regeneration process was like human sleep – come back, refreshed, ready to face the outside world again.

But, he wasn’t like Pearl or Amethyst or Garnet. His “organic” body… he wasn’t sure what would happen to it if he was badly hurt. He had thought about it of course (it was impossible not to when constantly under threat), but it never crossed his mind that it could be like this. Cold nothingness. Empty darkness. Hunger, pain and loneliness.

_No, I’m being ridiculous. If I was in my gem, I would rather be healing or… gone. I would be turning back into mom, and I probably wouldn’t be able to think or feel anything._

Again, blindness was an option, but Steven oddly found that even more unpleasant of a thought. He would still exist, could maybe return to his old life, but could he ever go on missions again? Would he never see a sunset, or the way his dad’s face lit up when he would surprise him at the car wash, or Connie’s hypnotizing smile, ever again…? Unhappy with this train of thought, Steven tried to distract himself.

He was feeling somewhat better than before, but his head still ached and he was even thirstier now than he was hungry. Instead, he felt around the floor to see if he had his cell phone, and was surprised when he found it a few feet off from where he had just been laying for hours. He immediately tried to unlock the screen to provide some reprieve from the darkness, maybe check the time… or at this point, the date. To Steven’s dismay, however, no matter how many times he pressed the familiar buttons around the small, cold device, nothing happened. He ran his hand over the back of the phone, then again over the front, realizing the problem. Steven’s phone was badly cracked, a million hairline fractures spreading in every direction, crisscrossing into a web of glass and jagged edges. Instinctively, the boy reached down and touched his navel for the second time since he had been here, flooded once again with relief that his gem had not suffered a similar fate.

In spite of its condition, Steven was ecstatic to discover his phone. His pockets were all empty, but this was tangible evidence that he hadn’t gone into his gem. Not only would his phone, of all things, be a weird object to take with him, it wouldn’t make sense that it was sitting nearby and only the screen had been broken. No, Steven was sure, this damage was as real as the world around him.

Taking a deep breath, Steven put his phone carefully into one of his jean pockets and rested his head in his other hand. The pain that radiated from the back of his head was stinging, but he didn’t want to inspect it again. The blood he had felt earlier was completely dried, and if he moved around too much he was worried it might start again. Releasing another long, steadying breath, Steven braced himself as he tried to stand for the first time since he had been here.

All of his muscles stiff from the cold, Steven struggled with this feat for a while, awkwardly trying to readjust his weight from one side to the other without putting pressure on his ribs. Eventually, slowly, the boy managed to stand, although he was breathing hard now and winced when he put his weight down on his right ankle. It hadn’t hurt so badly when he was laying, but now he was sure it had been sprained.

Standing there in darkness, the steady inhale and exhale of his lungs the only disruption to the stillness around him, Steven closed his eyes and hunched awkwardly in a position that proved to be least painful on his midsection and his ankle. It took several minutes for his heart rate to calm and his breathing to normalize after the strenuous act of standing, but eventually the hybrid began to limp around the blackness. It was frightening in a way Steven hadn’t expected, thinking that he could accidentally tumble off a ledge or into a wall if he moved too quickly.

“Hello? Is there anyone there?” Steven was surprised by the weakness of his own voice, but he listened hard for a response.

Nothing.

Continuing his trek, Steven was certain he would have to find a wall if kept moving. There was a slight echo against his footfalls in the room, and although they were faint, their presence was reassuring. He had to be in an enclosed space, he figured – otherwise the sounds he made wouldn’t return to him, bouncing from wall to wall. After what felt like 20 minutes of sluggish movement, hobbling in one direction without meeting any kind of surface, or even change in the texture of the ground, Steven turned ninety degrees and hoped to find a shorter path.

With nothing to do while he staggered painfully through the inky abyss, Steven figured he would try again to get someone’s attention.

“Hello? Please, at least can I have some water!” His last words echoed faintly in the nothingness, the silence filled only by the hammering against the back of his skull and the rise and fall of his chest.

Finally, just before Steven resumed his slow exploration, there was a sudden blinding light and a jolting movement that knocked Steven down onto his knees. He squinted upwards, ignoring the shooting pain in his ankle when he went sprawling, looking into the perfect square of light, his eyes burning at the intensity of this remote sun. It took him a moment to realize, his eyes watering at the drastic change, that the mysterious light source had begun to illuminate the darkness that had been his prison, revealing an empty, absolutely massive room. It must have been at least 100 feet in each direction, a perfect square, the walls a powdery blue and the floor beneath a darker, oppressive navy.

Blinking away tears, Steven’s brain tried furiously to study his surroundings, approximately how close he was to each wall, eyes scanning for a door, a touch screen panel or _anything_ he might be able to use before plunging back into the blackness. There was, however, nothing but blue chromatic metal covering all surfaces. Looking back up at the light, his eyes adjusting slightly, Steven realized the light was not growing brighter, but _bigger_.

Just as a panic started to set in, Steven felt a snap of unexpected coldness push against his feet, and then quickly following his right arm. Surprised by the sudden touch, Steven lurched away from the cold only to realize he hadn’t found the walls, but the _walls_ had found _him_. They were closing in on each other, the light growing larger from above, and Steven realized the walls were angled inwards, the room shrinking as the walls came closer together. Scurrying towards the center of his narrowing confinement, the claustrophobia that Steven had thought about earlier was _now_ settling in, his eyes growing wide as the room became smaller and brighter, his head spinning from the pace of it all.

And then in an abrupt flash of colors, the floor that had begun to lift Steven upwards crossed a threshold. Everything changed there was shapes and voices that moved in and out of the boys vision. Disoriented, the back of his head flaring in pain, shivering, Steven realized he was in the center of a room, surrounded by gems he didn’t recognize. It was, in a word, overwhelming. Unlike the Hand Ship, which was manned by just Peridot and Jasper, there were dozens of figures of all colors moving about, many occupied with a task, but many more were staring at him.

His brain struggled to keep up to speed with the present, as if lagging behind in a sort of odd slow motion as the world changed before he could grasp what was in front of him. Eyes were staring, then bodies were moving, someone dragged him to his roughly to his feet. There was plenty of talking, chatting, sly whispers and even some hostile shouting, but Steven couldn’t make out a single word. It was warmer here, he realized, but not by much.

Between the pressure in his skull and being overloaded with sensory information, Steven found he was unable to focus on anything. A ridiculous voice in the back of his mind was cheering, relieved he wasn’t blind, but that part of his brain was quickly silenced by the one that told him to be afraid. He was trying to catch up to reality, but he was seized in a panic, and he was in no position to practice his mindfulness exercises. Instead, his body reacted in quite the opposite fashion, his heart rate increased wildly and his breathing becoming erratic and forceful. At this point, Steven’s ankle was white hot with pain, his ribs protesting violently against the pushing and prodding, and his head flared angrily at all of the chaos. His eyes just gazed forward at it all, trying and failing to process what was happening.

Finally, Steven managed to return to the present when a gem that oddly reminded him of Pearl, her eyes determined and her voice reassuring took up his entire vision. Her face, a delicate shade of pink, was only inches away from his own. She looked at Steven seriously and asked him a question so simple he didn’t understand it at first.

“Do you know who you are?”

“W-what? I’m…” he bit his lip, but couldn’t be bothered to lie right now.

“I’m Steven.” The words came slowly but evenly, the speaker very aware of his panic and trying hard to subvert it.

This was obviously not the answer she was looking for.

“ _Drop the act!”_ the gem demanded sharply. She lifted up his shirt and pointed accusingly at his gem.

“ _Who_ are you?” the gem asked a second time, still holding up his shirt. Steven was dimly aware that the room had gone quiet, but he didn’t dare break eye contact with the gem in front of him.

“Oh,” was all Steven could say at first. What did they expect him to do, admit he was Rose Quartz, arguably one of the most hated gems in the universe, in front of a swath of unknown Homeworld gems? His brain raced, trying frantically to come up with something to say.

The pink gem shook him roughly, causing him to wince.

“Answer the question! We don’t have all day.” Her voice was growing shriller now, obviously feeling the pressure of the gazes boring into her back.

“I’m… half-human.” Steven said carefully, thinking about the last time he lied in the presence of a Homeworld gem. His body ached involuntarily at the memories.

“…and half-gem. I never knew my mom.” All of this was honest at this point, which made him feel a little safer. He started to cough harshly after he spoke, realizing how dry his throat had become during all of the madness. Before he could be asked any more questions, he used this opportunity of silence to make a request.

“Please, I’m thirsty and hungry… I’ll tell you anything, just… I am half-human, really. I need to eat.” He was about to add, “or I’ll die,” but he was fairly sure most of the people in the room _wanted_ him dead, so he decided to stop while he was ahead.

The pink gem with whom he had spoken looked down at him, this time her face had softened and she opened her mouth to speak. However, she was suddenly thrust away from the half-human, half-gem and was replaced by a threatening, familiar voice.

“You humans and your insufferable whining. If my lustrous Diamond hadn’t asked for you directly, I would kill you myself.” It was that commanding, annoying voice he recalled clear as day, a voice he knew from his last time in space.

Steven gasped in realization, but before he could say anything he was swept off the ground and was held painfully by his wrist. Her grip was tight, crushing his wrist from the force, and Steven couldn’t help but let out a cry. His wrist was surely broken now, and it felt like his hand was going to detach from his body.

“That is the _last time_ you will ever make a fool of me,” the gem spoke, and threw him roughly back into a wall. The last thing he saw, his vision swimming, was the enraged face of Holly Blue Agate, before everything faded into blackness once more.


	8. Blood and Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie skips breakfast and runs into someone unexpected in Beach City.

Stepping out of the shower as she readied herself for another day, Connie thought about the absolute stupidity of cell phones and, in particular, cell phone ownership. The human girl busied her hands with her morning routine, but internally she was still fuming from the night before.  She couldn’t see fathom why everyone had one and never answered them, why she bothered to ask her parents to buy her one when all they did was confiscate it, why Steven didn’t think to use his stupid phone to let her know about any missions…

At this point, the thirteen year old was withdrawing her sword training bag from her closet, hidden carefully behind some winter coats. Her mom and dad both knew by now that she trained with the Crystal Gems, but still, she felt it best to hide the bag in case her parents decided to snoop around. Unzipping the bag to examine its contents, a ritual she had grown accustomed to, Connie thoughtfully began to stock the appropriate materials: bandages for her calloused hands, two water bottles, an extra set of clothes to change into post-training, a travel size bottle of acetaminophen, and, of course, Rose’s sword. She rested a hand along the scabbard, hard and resolute, and took a deep breath.

Closing the bag, Connie turned back to her routine and to her thoughts. Much to her frustration, she had resorted to using the home phone of the Maheswaran residence to call Steven twice this morning, to confirm the time for their training, only for the line to go straight to his voicemail. This wasn’t unusual, as sometimes Steven would fall asleep without plugging his phone in to charge, but the whole thing was irritating. Today of all days, she had wanted to be _sure_ of the agenda for training and the agreed upon time, but she after the second unsuccessful call to Steven’s cell phone, she was forced to rely on her instincts.

Usually, Connie and Steven trained on Saturdays with Pearl, but her mother had specifically planned to visit some relatives halfway across the state for a cousins bridal shower. Normally, Connie might have tried to protest, but she had been trying to ease up on her relationship with her mother since coming clean about Steven, the Gems, all of the magic and adventures…

So, yesterday, Connie had agreed to go out with her mom, only for her mom to be called into work at the hospital and her plans for the day cancelled. At home all day with just her Dad, who was just a _tad_ less strict then her mother, Connie had convinced him to let her hang out with Steven during the day _and_ go to her rescheduled sword training with Steven the following day.

Absently, the girl pulled her soft, long hair into an intricate braid and checked her room one last time. The clean sight of her things, organized in the way she liked it, only disturbed by the presence of her training bag, made her feel somewhat more at ease. Connie really didn’t _want_ to be in a foul mood, especially with Steven, and she was sure there was a good reason he hadn’t answered her yesterday, but _still_ … She had sent him a few texts, trying not to be too obvious in her disappointment that he wasn’t texting her back, but she missed him. It was an embarrassing thought that made her stomach flutter, but she found it silly to deny it. The time they spent together (and the time they spent _together_ , if she included Stevonnie) were some of the most special moments in her life. The world seemed to move in slow motion when Steven was with her, days and nights filled with laughter and teamwork, the way he made her feel so confident in herself, the way he sometimes held her hand when he was stressed or upset…

Blushing suddenly, Connie paused with her hand on the door that would bring her outside. What was wrong with her? Steven’s not even here and just thinking about him is making her cheeks warm and her heart beat loudly in her chest. She really needed to get a better grasp on her emotions, she decided.

 One hand on the door, Connie called to her parents who she heard speaking in the kitchen. “Mom, Dad! I’m going. Bye!”

“Be back by 9:00, please. Be safe!” She heard her mother’s voice carry as she shut the door behind her.

Just as Connie began to walk down the road, however, the girl smacked her forehead and turned back around, jogging to the front of her house.

_Duh, Connie. You forgot to ask for your cell phone back. Mom might not let me have it, but it’s worth a shot..._

To her surprise, as she approached the door, her Dad was just exiting the house. He smiled as his daughter approached and she gave him an suspicious look.

“Forget something?” Her father reached into his pocket and held out her cell phone.

“Dad! Thank you!” Connie gave her father a quick hug, squeezing to show her gratitude.

“Just don’t tell your mother… Whenever she notices, I’ll never hear the end of it.” He gave her a quick wink. Connie nodded, turned and ran towards bus that would deliver her to boardwalk of Beach City.

Smiling happily after that surprising interaction with her father, Connie glanced at her watch. 9:49 AM. She would likely be a bit early, given that Pearl began practice promptly at 11 AM. But maybe she would have a chance to catch up with Steven and figure out what had preoccupied him all the day before.

Her phone buzzed to life as she approached her stop, sitting comfortably on the bench, enjoying the warmth of the morning on her skin and the gentle wind that drifted through her hair. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck, too small to capture in the braid, tickled her slightly as she gazed distractedly into the street. She grimaced slightly, knowing those same hairs will be matted down against her neck in a few hours, sweaty but accomplished.

Readjusting her bag to set across her lap, Connie thought it best to not unnecessarily weigh down her shoulder – she would be sore enough after practice anyways… She kicked her feet absently, the tips of her shoes grazed the pavement as she listened to the cars pass. Though she liked her neighborhood, and she was certain there was a number of biases involved, she loved the energy of Beach City even more. The call of seagulls, the distant music from Funland, the waters on the beach all mixed harmoniously with the enthusiasm of the friends she's made there… it was a place that she never failed to be happy.

Bringing her back from her thoughts, Connie’s phone began to buzz. She saw she had a missed call and text from Steven, which must have just come through since her phone had been shut off. She looked at the time of the missed call, 7:10 PM, and realized it was the call she ignored at dinner. The text, however, had the timestamp 12:21 AM, which surprised her.

_Steven is almost never awake that late, unless he’s had a nightmare… But he usually calls me when he does, never texts. Mmm…_

Opening the text to investigate, Connie’s heart sank through her stomach, down through even the bench she sat on and all the way into the cement below. There were only 7 letters spelled out on the screen, in all caps, and her heart clenched in dread.

_SOS HOME_

Steven would never send a message like that as a joke, Connie knew. This was serious.

_And he wasn’t answering her calls this morning…_

Connie jumped up from the bench and wanted to start sprinting Beach City, desperate to make sure he was okay. However, just as suddenly as her feet began to propel her away, she stopped. It would be stupid, she realized, to run all the way there – the bus would be arriving any minute and would surely be faster and less strenuous than running.

Returning to the bench, the young girl fiddled uncomfortably, her mind racing with possibilities.

 _What if he’s hurt? Maybe his phone is just dead, or busted, from whatever mission he was on yesterday? Surely if it was something to worry about, Pearl would have called her… or at least sent her a message. Yes, that’s right…_ Connie was practicing her breathing, remembering how to release her stressful thoughts and watch them go by from a distance, just as Garnet had taught her. Her hands were shaking, but the steady breathing was making her stomach unknot slowly, so she continued to sit there in silence and tried to stay calm.

Connie was vaguely aware that she wasn’t alone at the bus stop and that the people around her must have been staring, her odd behavior and outfit not exactly typical for a Sunday morning in the suburbs. She didn’t care if they stared, though, right now she needed to stay focused. If she loses control, especially if this was all for nothing, it could affect her performance as a swordsman. She clenched the bag as it laid across her lap, the familiar weight of Rose’s sword a comforting reminder that she did not have time to be afraid.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, the bus to Beach City arrived. Connie fumbled in her pocket for the exact change and deposited it in the money slot and beelined for the farthest seats towards the back. She was anxious, her foot tapping impatiently, even though the ride usually took no longer than 15 minutes. With nothing else to do, Connie pulled out her phone and stared into the accursed screen that had become her undoing. She studied the seven, cryptic letters, hoping that something would click in her mind if she read it enough times.

_SOS HOME. SOS HOME. SOS HOME._

Coming up with nothing, Connie fingered randomly through her other contacts. She landed on Pearl, whom she very rarely sent messages to except in rare cases of emergency. This qualified as an emergency, right?

 _Pearl would understand. Of course she would – Pearl worries about Steven even more than I do, so she wouldn’t be upset if I contacted her and it turned out to be nothing. Yes. This qualifies as an emergency._ Connie repeated the thought a second time as listened to her phone as it dialed Pearl’s number.

Connie was a bit surprised but tremendously relieved as Pearl answered.

“Yes, Connie?” Pearl’s voice sounded strange.

“Oh, Pearl! I’m so glad you picked up.” Connie’s words stumbled out, emotions overflowing as she thanked the stars nothing was wrong. She realized as she spoke that she didn’t know what _exactly_ had happened yesterday that had made her worry and did not want to sound foolish, so she tried to be as vague as possible. “I’ve been worried sick because of… well, yesterday.”

“Oh, yes. Yesterday was quite the roller-coaster.” Her teacher really didn’t seem her usual self, Connie noted. Her answers were short and her voice sounded impatient. Not sure of what else to say, and fairly sure Pearl was not going to contribute further to the conversation, she chuckled nervously and tried to quickly wrap up the call.

“So, um. We are still on for sword training, ma’am?” Connie managed, trying to recover her composure while speaking to her teacher.

“What? No! We still need – wait, Connie, how do you know about yesterday?” Pearl’s voice had changed midway through, shifting from exasperated to confused to something… darker.

“What? Oh, um, I’m sorry, ma’am. I just called because Steven hadn’t answered his phone, and I saw his text from late last night and I was worried. I’m sorry to have called your line, I know it is reserved for emergencies, ma’am.” Connie spoke seriously, trying not to be scolded by her teacher.

Pearl said nothing on the other line for a moment. Finally, sounding confused again,

“But, Steven shouldn’t know about what happened to Garnet…”

Now it was Connie’s turn to be confused. “Something’s happened to Garnet, ma’am? Is she okay? All Steven said to me was ‘SOS Home’.” Connie repeated the phrase, but now her heart was beginning to beat painfully in her chest, her conversation with Pearl no longer reassuring.

“Connie. Did you speak to Steven yesterday or this morning?” Pearl’s voice had turned sharp.

“No, ma’am. That is why I called you.” Neither of them said anything for a long moment.

Unable to keep with her usual etiquette when speaking with her teacher, Connie practically whispered into the phone. “…Pearl, he’s okay, right?”

Pearl ignored her question. “Connie. Where are _you_?”

“I am about to arrive in Beach City. I am approximately five minutes away from the Temple.” Connie answered, gritting her teeth. She would have been a bit hurt that Pearl dismissed her question, but Connie found that she was too caught up in the stress of the moment.

“Connie. Meet me at the Temple, immediately. You might beat me there,” she added the last part quickly and hung up the phone.

Using every ounce of her will power, Connie suppressed an urge to punch the siding of the bus. Her conversation with Pearl had not only failed to calm her nerves but it was now sending her brain spiraling into a million worst case scenarios.

The final minutes of the commute dragged on for an eternity. Finally, as her steel prison rolled to a stop, Connie bounded from the bus wildly and began sprinting towards Steven’s home. She started to rationalize a list of questions for Pearl when she arrived, re-ordering and re-prioritizing the list countless times. _Where’s Steven? Is he hurt?  What had his text meant? Where had Pearl been, if not at the Temple? Why hadn’t anyone told her what was happening? Where was Garnet – what happened to her? Why did Pearl sound so strange on the phone?_

The Temple was starting to come into view, the beautiful arms of the stone woman on the side of the cliff-face, so masterfully crafted, were now visible as she made her way around the bend in the beach that would soon reveal Steven’s house. Connie looked around desperately while she ran, looking for any sign of a pink shirt and dark hair, scanning the sand, wary she might find a gemstone, praying that she didn’t…

And then, just as she turned and took the corner sharply, she flung herself painfully into something hard. Connie held her head and reached for the cliff-face, trying to steady herself, thankful she had chosen to leave the frames of her glasses at home.

“Connie?” The voice was nearly as surprised as the young girl, although it did not share in her pain despite being hit at full-speed. A blue blob started to form as Connie regained her composure, expecting to see Pearl and surprised when it was Lapis Lazuli that stood before her.

“Lapis? What are _you_ … where’s Pearl?” Connie managed as she rubbed her forehead gently, thankful she had only run into Lapis and not stumbled and tripped over her as well.

Lapis looked at her, confused and concerned by Connie’s tone. The blue gem did not know the human girl well, but the panic in her voice was plain as day.

Pointing towards the sky, Lapis said “I have no idea about Pearl. I only just got here,” Connie realized the blue gem still had her water wings outstretched.

When Connie said nothing, Lapis spoke again. “I needed to get away for a bit, and I wanted to ask Steven something, so I just got here… Why are you looking for Pearl?”

Connie shook her head at the question Lapis posed. “Wait, no, there’s no time. Just, come with me!” Connie began to run towards the Temple again, grabbing Lapis by the wrist, remembering Steven’s text, and something had happened to Garnet, and Pearl’s strange voice on the other line…

“Hey. _Don’t_ touch me.” Lapis pulled her hand back angrily, grabbing her wrist with her other hand and rubbing it.

“I’m – ugh! I’m sorry, there’s no time! It’s Steven!” Connie was already running again, this time not bothering with the gem that was staring and vaulted herself up the stairs to Steven’s house.

Her hand flew out to throw open the door, only for Connie to stumble a bit on her feet and lurch forward into the room.

She had no words for what she saw, but pain broke across her face as she felt tears well in her eyes. There was wood and dust everywhere, the framed portrait of Steven’s mother was mangled at her feet, glass from the picture littered the floor. Her eyes followed a line of scratches across the dirty floor to see the door she had just tried and failed to open was in a heap against the warp pad, the relic of gem technology broken into huge chunks, jutting out from the floor.

Connie’s chest was tight with fear, a fear unlike something that she had ever known. She bounded up the stairs to Steven’s bedroom to see an empty mattress, sheets and covers mostly made up, just a little uneven. Connie’s eyes scanned the room below her, looking for something that might explain the chaos she had just disturbed. Then, all of the color from Connie’s face drained, her eyes resting to the left of the broken warp pad. Pooling on the floor, there was an indent in the wall that was spattered with blood.

Connie jumped from the second floor onto the couch, not caring about manners at the moment, and inspected the horrifying scene. There was a medium-sized pool of blood, mostly dried, meaning it had been here for several hours. In the sticking, dry mess that made her stomach churn, Connie spotted a loose piece of pink fabric, stuck to an enclave in the wall.

The girl crumpled at the sight.

 _No. It’s not possible. He’s can’t be gone, he can’t be. Where is he? Steven, you can’t be…_ She was crying outright now, hard and heavy sobs as she knelt down and grabbed a piece of the pink shirt, squeezing it in her hand desperately. Connie felt like she was going to die, kneeling there, holding the piece of Steven’s iconic shirt.

_I was supposed to be there for him – his knight, his partner, his friend… I was supposed to protect him!_

Connie screamed while the hot tears rushed down her cheeks like a waterfall and she spun around, anger and anguish spilling out, her legs pushing her out of the house without thinking. She headed for the door to go, just to go anywhere, somewhere that wasn’t _here_. Just as she was about to cross the threshold to the outside, however, Connie felt the weight of a hand on her shoulder her, placid but firm enough to stop her from running. Not caring who it was, Connie flung herself towards the presence and wrapped her arms around whoever it was, crying into the cold stiffness that could only belong to a gem.

Lapis placed one arm around Connie and another on her head, holding her close. Her eyes scanned the floor for gem shards, hardly relieved when she saw none, her eyes resting on the blood and eventually out to gaze at the sea. Lapis had surprised herself with her desire to comfort the human girl, as she herself wanted to explode in fury, or tears, or perhaps both – but Lapis knew that this little human cared for Steven and was being ravaged by the same hurt and fear that was tearing her apart.

The two stood there and exchanged no words, the silence interrupted only by Connie’s sniffling and shuddering breaths. Lapis and Connie remained frozen in the middle beach house, a place located at one of the most wondrous part of Earth where the water became sand and sand became soil and soil became life. But there was no life in this house, only a suffocating despair that drowned them both.

Lapis and Connie just held each other, human and gem, blood and water, each heart broken, each swearing revenge.

 


	9. Thankfully Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven wonders what it's like to get a tattoo and learns some valuable information.

As time went on, Steven became less hopeful of ever seeing his family again, but time was a difficult thing to measure anymore. He was sure he had been gone at least three days, probably longer, but his sleep was irregular and the hours stretched into eternity. He had nothing to do here but sit and stare, waiting for his next meal to be dropped through a strange tube into his cell.

Off-planet, the Homeworld Gems had little they could provide in way of food and water, but they did have some minimum rations that they must have had originally intended for Steven and his Dad before things had gotten so messed up.

The first time Steven ate was the first day he was moved to a more standard holding cell, similar to the one he had first been confined in on the Hand Ship, but this one did not have the an electric barrier. It was a bit smaller, outfitted entirely in seamless blue metal with a diamond pattern interlaced with the varying shades of blue. Thankfully, this room was well lit.

It was cold here too, but not as insufferable as the solitary confinement he had first been trapped in. When Steven had been transported here, he had been struggling to remain conscious, being dragged back and forth between collapsing from exhaustion, hunger and dehydration, only to be painfully pulled back to reality by the tenderness of his body.

Time stretched endlessly, with no visitors and no company but a lone mural on the North wall (or, what Steven had decided was North). He couldn’t really tell what was going on or it might have been more interesting to him, but he was at least sure it had something to do with Blue Diamond; he recognized her geometric shaping from the mural on the moon base. It looked like she was pointing down at an envoy of triangles, but that was all Steven could make of the alien image.

On the rare occasions where the latch would appear in the ceiling, a transparent blue tube would shoot down to the ground almost instantly. Steven thought the eeriest thing about this ritual was the fact that it did not produce a single noise. No change in air pressure when the hatch opened, no clink of metal on metal as the tube hit the ground, no sound as the strange food (very similar to the symmetrical fruit he had eaten at the Zoo) and water were deposited neatly on the floor.

Most of the time, Steven would just lean against a wall and stare at the ceiling, waiting for the tube to appear. Meal time here had quickly become his favorite time, as it was the only time he had free range of his hands. About a minute after his sustenance was delivered and the tube disappeared, his futuristic handcuffs would _clink_ and slightly loosen. They really weren’t much of handcuffs in the traditional sense, but Steven really didn’t know what else to call them – they kind of looked like those fuzzy poofs that women wear in the winter that cover their entire hands, like a huge Chinese finger trap.

Though the cuffs only slackened a bit, it was enough. It was exhilarating the first time he had his hands back since being moved to his holding cell, so much so that he didn’t even care of the agonizing pain that flared from his wrist. That time, Steven had rushed to his food and ate and drank so quickly he nearly vomited. Smiling anyways, so relieved to finally have something in his system, he walked around the room and tried to feel for any sign of an exit, any inconsistency in the metal, the slightest nudge of a panel here or there…

But, he had learned that this was a mistake. After aimlessly running his good hand along the flawless cage for ten minutes or so, his bad wrist began to sting painfully. This pain was different than the aching and stabbing that he had been nursing since Holly Blue Agate crushed his wrist – no, this was a sting, almost like a burn, that flared up through his skin. When Steven turned his arm over to inspect the area, thinking he might have somehow broken his wrist further, he was shocked to see a diamond flaring under his skin. It was the same electric yellow of barriers from the Hand Ship, and it started to hurt unbearably as it flared brighter. Frantically, Steven yelled upwards, hoping someone would answer.

“What –stop! Stop! _Please!_ ” Steven was crying now, kneeling and clutching his wrist in agony as the mark simply continued to burn, increasing in intensity as the seconds dragged on. No one answered from beyond his prison.

This pain was simply too much, Steven realized, thinking that if he was going to be tortured every time he was teased with freedom and with the pleasure of food and drink, he would rather starve to death.

Face contorted with pain and his heart racing from the intense sensation, Steven heard a wild buzzing nearby. His discarded hand cuffs were rattling along the floor, the inside of the strange device glowing the same yellow as his arm.

Desperate, Steven flew forward and tried to put his hands back into the cuffs, hoping, praying the pain would stop… And, with a delicate click, the cuffs tightened again and the pain vanished. Steven’s muscles relaxed and he staggered backwards into a wall, panting horribly, sweating and shivering violently.

Now, several days later (he was pretty sure), he had gotten used to the routine. When food would come, his cuffs would become undone, he would eat steadily and then would immediately put his cuffs back on. He hadn’t experienced that pain since the first day, and he hoped he would never again.

In some ways, Steven didn’t even mind the cuffs. His hands and wrist were totally immobilized within the tiny chamber, which did more good than anything – his fingers remained warm and his wrist was stable, a dull background pain as the bone slowly mended.

The only haunting thing about his meals was the insignia that was now pressed on his wrist. Studying the marking while he ate, Steven found the thing disturbing – it was just a simple outline of a diamond, with none of the points quite meeting. Steven’s skin was raised in the shape but there was no color. It kind of reminded him of a faded scar, like the one Sadie had under her eye, except her mark skin that had healed flat against her cheek. He was vaguely able to recall a story Lars was telling him and Sadie about tattoos and how they were bumpy at first – was this what he meant?

Either way, when Steven studied the symmetric lines that rose beneath the surface of his swollen wrist, he felt a deep pit in his stomach; he must have been unconscious long enough at some point for them to do _something_ to his body, whatever this was. It was unsettling. He felt like he had been branded, violated, targeted…

Just as these thoughts buzzed around his head, Steven felt tears starting to form in the corner of his eyes.

_Just how long will I have to live like this? I wonder what the Gems did after they came home from their mission… Garnet must have already known I’d be gone, that must have been a tough conversation for Pearl and Amethyst. And Connie and I were supposed to train the next day, I hope she wasn’t too disappointed. I’m glad I left her with Mom’s sword, though, it really wouldn’t be helpful sitting in Lion. Maybe the Gems will take her out on missions instead? I hope so, she’s so strong and so smart… I just wish I could have said goodbye. What ever happened to Lion, anyways? He would be able to take care of himself, but I hoped he would keep the Gems and his Dad company._

He sat there, calm despite his deep sadness, thinking of the one’s he left behind, happy that they were still on Earth. No matter how grim his own circumstances, at least everyone else was safe, far away from this nightmarish place.

The whole alone-and-abducted thing had become easier to deal with since he found out it was just him on the ship. Of course, Steven didn’t _want_ to be a prisoner, but it was comforting to know he was alone in his misery. In fact, the conversation in which Steven found out he was alone had been his last form of interaction with anyone, gem or human. The pinkish Gem that had interrogated Steven before he faced Holly Blue Agate had indeed turned out to be a Pearl. However, his vision had failed him with the rush of sensory information, as this Pearl was not pink. She resembled his own Pearl in so many ways – tall, graceful, and intelligent – but in so many other ways, the two were nothing alike.

First of all, this Pearl was more of a lilac color, almost like Opal, and her gem was on her palm. She had light blue hair about as long as his Pearl, but it was flat whereas his Pearl styled hers upwards. But the _real_ differences between Homeworld Pearl and his Pearl, however, were largely in behavior. Lilac Pearl was meek, always looking frantic and fearful. Her eyes were always wide and darting in every direction, and even though both Pearl’s had perfect posture, there was something special about the way his Pearl stood. His Pearl wasn’t just poised, but confident. This Homeworld Pearl had none of Pearl’s agency.

Still, Steven couldn’t help but want to be kind to her. She was a Pearl, a gem with thoughts and feelings, and she didn’t deserve to be made to feel weak. Their conversation was brief, but he remembered it clearly…

_“Here will do. Secure him, Pearl, and come.” It was the orange gem that had caused him all of his problems in the first place. He scowled at the sign of her voice, but didn’t protest. He wasn’t really in much of a position to bargain._

_“Right away.” Lilac Pearl replied with a delicate curtsey._

_The orange gem, whose name had still somehow alluded Steven at this point, walked down the corridor, her footfalls echoing as she disappeared from view._

_The Homeworld Pearl got down on one knee, so she was eye-level with Steven. She touched his upper arm gently, and then drew back her hand when he flinched._

_“I must,” was all she said._

_“I- I know. Sorry.” Steven lifted his arms carefully in front of him, gritting his teeth against the pain in his wrist. Without hesitating, the Pearl retrieved a strange set of handcuffs, white with some hi-tech patterns all around and very smoothly secured them on Steven’s wrist. At first, nothing happened, but the cuffs shined to life a moment later and compressed downwards to fit his tiny human hands._

_Steven was surprised that the process hurt very little, and he looked up gratefully at the Pearl. She might have been rough with him when they first met, but it did not seem like she wanted to hurt him._

_“Thank you.”_

_The Pearl just looked at him, confused. “I- I do not deserve your thanks. I am following orders.”_

_“Well, then thank you for being a Pearl.” Steven gave her a small smile._

_The Pearl stood from her kneeling position and said nothing, but she had a strange expression on her face. Confusion, fear, and something else…?_

_“In here.” She raised her hand and gestured towards an opening in the wall. Steven stepped forward to see a beautiful, small blue room. It was about the size of his bathroom at home, he’d wager._

_Not sure what else to do, the Pearl just staring at him, he tried to think of something to say._

_“Bye. Maybe I’ll see you again?”_

_“That is… unlikely.” And just like that, the Pearl began to walk away, only to stop again. She turned towards Steven, that same ambiguous facial expression._

_“You’re alone, you know. We did not recover any other beings from your planet.” Steven looked at her, absolutely stunned, his mouth agape. Before he could think of something to say, Lilac Pearl turned briskly and walked away, closing the door behind her._

 

Day four would be coming soon and food would not be for a little while, Steven guessed. Having nothing else to do, Steven thought he might reserve his energy and try to sleep. Though the floor of his holding cell was not especially comfortable, Steven Universe had no trouble falling into a peaceful sleep, thankful to be alone.


	10. Tick, Tock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst meets a crab, Connie finds a ruined sandwich, Peridot tinkers with various things, Pearl struggles with her feelings, and Ruby is mad.

  **6 hours**

Amethyst had a lot of bad days since Rose had gone away, but this one was near the top of the list.

In the past 24 hours, the short gem was trying to tally all of the ways she had royally messed up.

_Let’s see… I ate the rest of the pizza that was supposed to be saved for Steven, broke one of Vidalia’s favorite easels, caused Garnet to split up, ended up losing Sapphire’s gemstone at the bottom of the frickin’ **ocean** , snapped at Pearl (literally – shark-style), lost track of Ruby and… Am I missing anything? Nope, that sounds right. That’s me, Amethyst – your local screw up._

She was no longer swimming – she had come to the surface at least an hour ago – and had just come up to the shore of Mask Island. Sitting in the sand, the sun had already started to rise for the next day.

_Man, how did everything go so wrong?_

She felt a tug at her side and was surprised to find a little crab had crawled up to her still form, taking a keen interest in her right boot.

“Yeah bud, I don’t think so.” The crab had tried to claw at her heel, pincers no match for her rock hard form. She thought about pushing it away but decided not to.

_Maybe it just wants someone to play with, like when I was just a feisty little loner, back at the Kindergarten._

Sitting there, Amethyst let out a groan and flopped backwards, staring into the sky as it began to brighten. Her tiny companion scurried backwards in fear, but ultimately came back, too captivated for its own good.

The fight that had driven the Crystal Gems apart was playing like a movie reel in her head, making her body feel like it weighed 1,000 pounds. The corrupted gem had been straight-forward enough, a big ugly thing with green spikes coming out of its mouth, opaque yellow eyes and a nasty underwater screech. The plan had been simple: Pearl would draw its attention by shooting beams and throwing some spears, Amethyst would wrestle it down to the surface with her whip and Garnet would go straight for the gemstone, pulling rather than punching. It was too difficult to get the normal force that a punch would pack in water, where everything felt slower and heavier, which had turned out to be their downfall.

Pearl had, of course, executed her role perfectly. Amethyst had been struggling, however, unable to get proper footing on the sea floor. In her rage, the purple gem tugged her whip too hard, sending the corrupted gem reeling upwards in pain as the spikey grip constricted around it. Amethyst felt her feet lift off the ground, her whip reacting to the sudden movement, and was flung directly into Garnet. Somehow, Garnet had managed to catch her and held her whip, trying to keep to the plan. But just as Amethyst had reached out to grab her whip from Garnets hands, the fusion’s face confident face turned into one of fear as her body began to glow.

“Garnet?”

Completing forgetting her whip and the battle raging around them, Amethyst’s arms went dead as she watched in horror as Ruby and Sapphire flew apart, drifting in opposite directions through the shifting waters. Ruby was holding the whip and Sapphire looked frantic, trying to get a sense of direction in the currents of the sea, reaching her hands out to Ruby.

The red gem looked furious, wrapped the ends of Amethyst’s whip around her arm to secure it.

Sapphire tried to stop her, her fear paramount. “No, Ruby – we have to _go!_ ”

Ruby, hesitant to let go of the beast screeching and trashing below, reached a hand out to Sapphire so they could re-fuse. But at that point, the fight was a loss. The corrupted gem had thrown Pearl into the distance, the skilled fighter unable to hold it off on her own. Amethyst had completely let her guard down and just watched the madness unfold, drifting weightlessly away from the red and blue gems. As Ruby stretched her fingers further, trying to interlock them with Sapphire’s own, the blue gem froze up and her hand fell.  The temperature dropped around them and her face went blank, her future vision taking her attention away from the fight.

“Sapphy? C’mon! It’ll be okay, just, just grab my hand – ” But it was too late. The gem monster had used that opportunity to get the upper hand, coming hard at Ruby, the only one putting up a fight at this point. Skilled in combat, Ruby had prepared for this and quickly summoned her gauntlet and reared to strike. This creature was clever, however, and as the red gem reared her fist, the corrupted gem turned sharply and headed straight at Sapphire, who it determined to be the weakest link.

The two gems, one green and enraged and the other blue and elegant, flew downwards into the shifting sea floor. There was a massive poof as the two crashed, and bubbles and sand rose and clouded everything, tickling Amethyst’s skin. At first she was about to laugh at the sensation and congratulate Sapphire on poofing a gem single-handedly, but the look on Ruby’s face…

Amethyst leaned up in the sand, flaring in anger at the fresh memories. She looked out over the water, cursing herself for losing focus, for not being strong enough to hold the corrupted gem in the first place. The purple gem noted that the curious crustacean that had been her lone source of company had disappeared.

_Ruby won’t say it, but I know she blames me. I would, too. And what if Sapphire really is…gone?_

The longer she sat stirring in her thoughts, the worse Amethyst felt. Garnet was so strong and level-headed, reassuring and confident. The fusion always knew what to do and what to say, and that made this whole thing that much harder. Amethyst had _no_ _idea_ what to do right now – continue searching hopelessly for Sapphire? Go find Pearl? Sit here and wait? The three split up hours ago and now she was alone, Ruby was alone, Pearl was alone, and Sapphire was alone, at the mercy of the sea below.

Standing up, the purple gem took no effort to brush herself off or untangle her hair. Having spent so long beneath the miserable water, the gritty sticky quality of the sand was a welcome relief. A reminder that she was real, alive, and here – but she didn’t want to be _here_ anymore. She wanted to go somewhere safe, where the water wouldn’t hurt her and where she wouldn’t be constantly reminded of her mistakes.

So as the small gem turned her back to the sea, a single tear fell into the sand, soon to be engulfed in the ocean with the coming of the tides.

 

**12 Hours**

Connie had read her survival handbook (a must when she went on exploration missions with Steven) front-to-back at least a dozen times. One of the cardinal rules was on the subject of missing persons.

_In the event that someone in your group goes missing, it is important to act quickly. The first 48 hours immediately following an absence is the most likely timeframe in which you will find a lost or missing person unharmed. In particular, this rule applies to children under the age of 16. If you have electronic communication device with you, call 9-1-1 and notify police…_

She didn’t need to recall the rest of the passage, gritting her teeth and as she gathered a few things from the kitchen and stuffed them hastily into her training bag.

“Pearl, please, get up. I know you’re… we are _all_ worried. But we have to act quickly!” Connie had moved over to Pearl and rested a hand on the gem’s shoulder, who sat numbly in front of the pile of dried blood that Connie dared not look at again. Blood had never made Connie feel ill, but this was a different case entirely.

Lapis had already been gone an hour at this point, and Connie was abundantly thankful for her headstrong behavior in spite of the circumstances. The blue gem, who had always seemed shy yet dignified to Connie, had become determined and her face a stone mask, revealing no emotion. When the girl and the gem had unlocked from their hug, they agreed that Lapis should go tell Peridot about what happened and wait at the barn, the only suitable meeting place given the Temple’s condition, and Connie would wait for Pearl. The gem in question had shown up about 20 minutes after Lapis departed, and that twenty uncomfortable minutes felt like some of the longest in Connie’s life.

She had started by going up to Steven’s room, thinking as she sat on the edge of his bed that this space was the most appropriate place to wait, not wanting to disturb the scene below. But as she ran her fingers along the sheets, tracing the slight imprint left by his body, she found she couldn't stand to stay inside his house alone. The pain was still too raw in her chest and she couldn’t break into tears again.

Instead, Connie turned to leave the beach house and stand outside, hoping the fresh air would give her some relief. So the human girl stood there in her training uniform, eyes scanning the breadth of her vision, searching for any sign of her teacher coming around a corner, or from above, or even from the sea…

Mercifully, Connie’s reprieve had helped to calm her, the first 10 minutes passing uneventfully. Looking below at a sharp angle, her eyes eventually found something that made her stomach crawl. She saw a deep skid and something stuck in the sand. Bolting down the steps, Connie was surprised as she got closer that she hadn’t noticed it before – the mangled remains of his cheeseburger backpack, half-buried in the sand, a few drops of red decorating the scene in quiet menace.

There was no other traces of life here beside the blood and the backpack, but it was enough to confirm Connie’s suspicions.

The girl had been attempting to piece together what might have happened the night before while she waited for Pearl, trying to make sense of a senseless situation. She returned to her post on the porch and headed for her training bag. It almost dared to be funny, Connie thought numbly to herself, that she was so mad at Steven only a few hours ago and now... She placed the tattered reminder of him into her bag along with the shredded piece of his shirt and zipped the bag securely.

By Connie’s best guess, Steven could not have been gone for more than 15 hours. It was now 11:45 AM, just shy of 12 hours from when Steven had texted her. There’s no way he had texted her the _moment_ he had disappeared, she figured, because he wouldn’t have been able to type. He could have texted her after, if he was within range of a satellite, but he wouldn’t have included “HOME” in the message. Furthermore, she had to consider the state of the house – there was obviously some sort of struggle. The people who took him did not just waltz in and grab him in his sleep, in which case he wouldn’t have been able to text her at all. And then there was the matter of his room– it was conspicuously undisturbed, so whatever struggle happened was limited to the downstairs part of the house. Something about that didn’t seem right, though – if Steven met them head on in the middle of the house, why hadn’t he also called someone and left a voicemail? That would have recorded a lot more information, and he could have left it running when the fight broke out. No, Connie thought it was more likely that he had tried to hide in the main part of the house (possibly the kitchen?) and was found, then there was a fight that carried outside, and then… she didn’t finish the thought.

Though there was no way to know for sure that Steven was… _unharmed_ , to use the term from her book, Connie had a strong feeling that he was at least alive. If they had wanted to kill him, there would be a lot more blood and of, er, shards? That sounded right.

Connie shook her head, trying to stay focused. If she was right about her 15 hour timeline, they only had 33 hours until their odds of finding Steven would fall dramatically. She _really_ needed Pearl’s guidance on a plan, or some idea of who would have taken him, or why the Gems had been gone in the first place – just _anything_ would be useful at this point.

Unfortunately, Pearl was being, well, _useless_. It pained Connie to think badly of her teacher, a courageous fighter who she deeply respected, but the usually confident gem had turned feeble, her hands grasped around a piece of Steven’s t-shirt, much like the one Connie tad tucked away in her bag.

“Pearl, _please…_ We don’t have much time. We have to act quickly if we’re going to find him.” Connie tried to force some confidence into her voice, although she was pretty sure it wasn’t convincing.

Pearl, to her surprise, acknowledged the human girl’s warm hand on her shoulder and placed her own cold, slender one on top.

“I—I’m just – no, you’re right…” The gem stood up.

Pearl’s voice shook as she tried to wipe away the tears. “You’re right, I just… he can’t… he’s my _baby_ … I failed him… Rose, I’m sor—sorr—” Whatever little composure Pearl had gathered faltered when she said the words aloud and she broke into sobs again. Connie was aghast, wanting to be comforting and supportive but acutely aware of the ticking of the clock that could mean Steven’s life.

Lapis and Peridot would be waiting for them both at the barn by now, Amethyst was god knows where, and _something_ had happened to Garnet – an absence that did not go unnoticed by Connie. She had to try a different tactic if she ever hoped to get Pearl out of here and back to reality.

Grabbing the taller gem by both shoulders, Connie turned Pearl to face her directly, and thankfully Pearl did not protest. Her body was mostly limp, her head hung and tears streaming down her face.

“Pearl, listen. I know you are worried. _I’m_ worried. And I’m not… I don’t know you like Steven, but I know that you’re the only one who can make this right. Whatever hell you went through in the war, the chaos, on the battlefield… that’s what _this_ is.” She lifted a hand off her shoulder and turned to face the warp pad, motioning towards the ground. Pearl’s crying had become sniffles but she still looked hopeless.

“But you survived. You protected everyone who mattered to you, with nothing but your strategy and a sword.” Connie repeated her teacher’s own words back to her, hoping they would have the intended impact.

“Now, we need a strategy to save him. Only you can do that. Please, Pearl… We have to go to the barn.”

The two stood there for awhile after Connie’s speech, to the point that the human had begun to feel awkward. She knows she probably stepped over so many lines, personal and in her teacher-student relationship, but she needs the self-assured, determined Pearl right now. Steven needs her.

 

**24 Hours**

Peridot, Pearl, Steven’s human companion Connie, Amethyst and Lapis were now gathered at the barn. The sky had become that familiar blackness as it did at the end of every day on Earth, but Peridot was too busy to bother with time right now. She was standing on a stool next to Pearl, who was sitting very still with a dead look in her eyes. Though Peridot was proud of her invention, she had never hoped to use it so soon.

Peridot hadn’t said very much since Lapis had arrived and told her what had happened, but she knew things must have been really bad from the blue gem’s explanation. Her wide eyes, disheveled hair, and slumping shoulders did not match her voice, which was rushed. The green gem was certain there were details her counterpart had omitted, but she didn’t press her for details. There was so much pain in her expression… all Peridot could do was nod along.

First, there was the waiting, which was excruciating. Lapis couldn’t sit still, flying back and forth from the silo and the barn, constantly scanning the skies but saying very little after her initial explanation. Peridot had wanted to go to investigate herself, to do something useful, but Lapis refused to let her go. She grabbed the small gem’s hand when she headed towards the warp pad, and she was surprised when Lapis pulled her into a soft hug. Not only did the blue gem tend to avoid physical contact, but surprised Peridot with a small whisper

“Please, just… I can’t be alone right now.” The green gem hugged her back, trying to show comfort, an expressive emotion she was still somewhat unfamiliar with.

Finally, Peridot untangled herself from the taller gem’s arms, but kept a hold on one gentle blue hand. “Wow, thanks.”

Eventually, Peridot returned to her technological works-in-progress, trying to make as many adjustments as she could without the Gems being present, putting each sensor through various tests and making adjustments. Since Lapis was here, Peridot started with fitting hers, which turned out to be rather complicated due to her gem placement and her water wings. Regardless, both gems were happy to have something to occupy their time while the sun moved through the across the sky.

Now, it was night again, and Peridot was writing down some numbers on her tablet as she measured the bandage she had temporarily placed around Pearl’s.

_Hmm, Pearl uses her gem to store items, which is something I hadn’t accounted for. I will have to make adjustments… some kind of activation setting, whereas everyone else will have automatic responses…_

Though the green gem did not speak except to weigh in when asked, there wasn’t much conversation going around amongst the others. No one seemed comfortable, despite the many days spent working here together months ago, trying to prevent the destruction of Earth. This time things were different, tense, the absence of Garnet and Steven making it all the more obvious. The barn was Peridot’s home, sure, but this wasn’t just _the_ barn now. This was a strategic location being used to plan not one, but _two_ recovery missions, the latter of the two making Peridot extremely nervous.

Not only had she and Homeworld separated on bad terms (she was pretty sure calling Yellow Diamond a clod, to her face, was much worse than “bad terms”) she wasn’t fearful for her own safety. Steven had given her life again – a place to live, a barnmate, her pet, and a hundred other reasons to be thankful she stayed here. This place was her home, and she owed it all to him. The others were busy, fueling themselves with anger and determination, but Peridot’s couldn’t join on their enthusiasm. She was too aware of the way her stomach squirmed as she thought about Steven, alone, with Homeworld gems.

Sure, she had taken him once under a similar context (although, that was more of Jasper’s doing – she had a different agenda). But Peridot wasn’t like Jasper, hateful and aggressive, but she knew that the number of combatant gems far outnumbered the passive ones. She knew firsthand what gem technology was capable of, what sorts of sickening tactics they would do to even high-order gems who defied them. And Steven? He was an anomaly, a hybrid gem, who had all of the powers of a gem but all the weakness of a human. Not only would his existence be despised in theory, there was the entire other issue of his heritage, the offspring of Rose Quartz. If the Crystal Gems ever caught up with them… would he even be alive? And if he was, she couldn’t imagine the trauma… Peridot suddenly became very preoccupied with the technology she was attaching to Pearl’s physical form, trying to ignore the horrible train of thought.

Everyone else was trying to prepare, discussing where Lapis should strategically focus her hydrokinetic powers, and when they would meet up, what Connie should do in Beach City… They were all in agreement that finding Sapphire’s gemstone should be a quick fix if Lapis and Amethyst worked together, trying to scout back to where they last saw her. If they were lucky, they could be back within a few hours, Sapphire and Ruby in tow (or perhaps they would be Garnet by then). If they had Garnet back, not only would her leadership be a relief to everyone, but her future vision is the key to finding Steven. He could be anywhere – in space, on Homeworld, back at the Zoo, on an unknown ship, even still on Earth, taken and being held somewhere far away.

“Peridot?”

She leapt, so lost in her thoughts she did not realize that the human Connie was speaking to her. She stumbled backwards off of the stool and landed gracelessly on her backside, causing Pumpkin to yelp at the sudden noise and leap into Lapis’ arms. Everyone was silent for a moment, Pumpkin’s soft growl the only thing disturbing the stillness, when Peridot started to laugh. She suspected it was because her nerves were wound so tightly, but once she started laughing, she couldn’t stop. Then, Lapis started to laugh too, so hard that she snorted. Then Amethyst and Connie and even Pearl broke from her stasis, laughter filling the barn – they all realized that none of them had laughed since Steven had been gone. It was so refreshing, dispelling the horrible tension that had bound them for so many hours. The green gem laughed, laughed and laughed and _laughed_ until she cried, and then there were tears, so many tears, happy and miserable and relieved and terrified but they felt _good,_ so _good_ to just let everything out.

 

**48 hours**

Many of them sat in silence, trying to sleep, but they were all very restless. To everyone’s surprise, it was Peridot who suggested they try to settle down for the night – sleep if they were able, rest their bodies and their minds if not. At first many of them wanted to protest, but the green gem raised a hand.

“ _Working hard is important, but feeling good is important too._ It’s something Steven once told me. If we tire ourselves out… we might not perform at our best. And Steven needs us at our best.”

No one argued after that. Connie slept in a sleeping bag that Mr. Unvierse let her borrow; Peridot offered her usual resting place on the second floor to Amethyst and Pearl, and the green gem and blue gem shared the hammock.

It was now the second day since he had been gone, and they had managed to find Sapphire and Ruby, but not Garnet. At first, everyone was so happy to see the little red gem that tears flowed and hugs were given but not returned. The red gem just cradled the blue one, looking at no one, eyes downcast as her partner rested against the red gem in her palm.

Greg had come earlier in the day with Connie, who had explained what was happening. By the time he arrived at the barn, the wetness from his eyes had gone and he had calmed significantly. He considered staying and trying to help, but the longer he lingered the more awkward he felt. The green gem, Peridot, was working with Pearl inside of the very same Ruby Ship that had brought him back to Earth not long ago. Amethyst and Lapis Lazuli were nowhere to be seen and Connie had walked off to call her parents. He knew enough about cars to fix a handful of problems, but this gem technology was way out of his league. Eventually, he called Pearl over and the two spoke briefly, exchanged a quick hug and he was on his way back to Beach City again. Greg had at least agreed to speak to the people around town, ask if anyone saw anything unusual that night or if anyone had heard from Steven.

For all of the confidence Connie had at the start of this crisis, it was quickly fading. She hadn’t been sleeping well and ate only enough to stave off hunger, and it was starting to weigh on her. Part of her hoped silently, as she rested her eyes for another night, that Steven would try to come to her in a dream, but all of rests so far had been brief and unsatisfying. The window to find Steven was almost over, the 48th hour creeping upon them all like a predator in the night. Connie knew Peridot was right, that everyone needed rest to be at the top of their game, but it was difficult to stay still. Every second she was on Earth was another that Steven was gone, out there somewhere. She wondered if he missed her. Connie felt tears form under her lids and squeezed them tighter, not wanting anyone else to notice her moment of weakness. A few cries escaped her anyways, frustrated with her inability to control her emotions.

 _I wonder if he misses me too. Is it as hard for him as it is for me? Or what if all of this is for nothing and he’s already dead by now? It’s been 48 hours…_ A bit selfishly, Connie couldn’t help but think of her own loss in this situation. It was not only losing Steven, but Stevonnie, too. The fusion had become a part of her identity, part of her existence. Now she hadn’t only lost Steven, but a part of herself.

Amethyst was grateful Pearl agreed to share Peridot’s sleeping space with her. Even though the purple gem had tried to act nonchalant, it was a huge relief to not be alone. Both gems missed their Temple rooms, and the last time they had slept in such close company was the night Steven “hosted” a slumber party. The purple gem was exhausted from the past few days – the battle, the beach, the Kindergarten, all of the crying – it was too much. She wanted to sleep and never wake up, but she knew she would have to eventually. At least the universe was beautiful up here, Amethyst thought as she gazed out towards nothingness. The horizon was scattered with a thousand stars shining in every color, each having so much meaning – greens, pinks, oranges, reds, blues, whites and purples, all shining vibrantly through the oppressive night sky.

She was about to roll over and ask Pearl something when she noticed a stream of light coming from the sleeping gem, projecting an image into the wall beside her. It was an projection of Pearl and Steven, but it looked like it must have been 10 years ago. Pearl had her old outfit, but the obvious part of the scene was Steven. He was so small, and Pearl was walking with him along the beach. She had to bend over nearly half of her height for Steven to hold her hand, which must have been uncomfortable for her, but the dream version of Pearl was all smiles. Steven was giggling as the water approached and washed over their toes. Then, the waves receded again, this time Pearl lifted him gently into the air before the water could reach him, and he absolutely burst with glee. Eventually, after several minutes of their teasing water game, Steven turned towards Pearl and reached his hands up, opening and closing his fist. Amethyst remembered when he would do that, the universal symbol for _pick me up!_ Dream Pearl happily compiled, holding Steven close in her arms, and the two walked down the beach as the peaceful dream continued.

Watching something so personal made Amethyst feel sort of guilty, but she couldn’t help herself. She felt a few tears slide down her cheeks, watching how peaceful the two were together, how happy Steven looked, pleased by the smallest things. Even though it wasn’t her dream to imagine, this was much more refreshing to Amethyst than any sleep she could have hoped for, so instead, she watched Pearl’s dream like an old movie, projected onto one side of their private space, feeling emotional and proud and a million other things all at the same time. She had felt helplessly worried about Steven and guilty about Sapphire and Garnet, but watching Pearl’s dream unfold before her and knowing Sapphire was safe below (although not yet reformed) was so uplifting. Amethyst swore in the silence that she was going to bring Steven back to them, no matter what.

Ruby, the gem who perhaps needed rest the most, refused to sleep. She was furious with herself for letting this happen. Not only had someone hurt her Sapphire, but now Steven was gone. Garnet should have seen this coming, should have been more careful, shouldn’t have left Steven alone… The grass nearby had already been sizzled away, so the dirt beneath Ruby just became red-hot as she sat there, fuming.

When she felt the waters pull away from her, she had been fearful at first. Had the corrupted gem, who gemstone had also never been recovered, come back to taunt her? Although Ruby was mighty, she was also small and alone. If she could _just_ find Sapphire… But the water that shifted away from her had begun to change, the natural movement slowing and becoming still. Then, the red gem realized she was moving, moving up – up up and then she was above the water, but, no that wasn’t right – she was still _surrounded_ by water…

“Lapis? And – what? Amethyst?” Ruby was utterly confused at the sight of them, one floating and another flying nearby, a purple pelican, hovering over the water.

The red gem’s confusion didn’t last, however. “Wait, no, you can’t make me come back! I have to find her – what if she’s hurt down there? I need to…” and then the fatigue, emotions and hopelessness crashed into her all at once, her voice cracked along with her spirit. She started to cry, sob terribly as the tears rolled down into the water bubble that held her body afloat.

“Ruby, stop it, man. Just take a breath. Lapis is going to find her.” The pelican spoke, trying to calm Ruby’s angst. Again, Ruby was taken by surprise – she knew Lapis wasn’t exactly an enemy anymore, but she never went out of her way to be kind, either.

That was all _before_. Before Lapis found Sapphire, buried deep in the sand beneath the ocean and her heart sang with joy, before she noticed the splintering crack that ran across her beautiful blue gemstone, before she cried and accidentally burned Amethyst as they retreated to the warp pad, before they reached Rose’s fountain, before she felt the relief wash over her as the precious blue stone mended perfectly, before the others had told her why they had been acting strangely, before she tried to warp home and the Temple warp pad wouldn’t activate, before she learned what happened to Steven…

That was before, and this is now. Ruby was tired, _so_ tired, but she couldn’t do anything alone. She needed Sapphire, and she could feel everyone’s need of Garnet. She wasn’t a leader, she wasn’t _anything_ without Sapphire, just another Ruby guard, who couldn’t even protect the two things that mattered most to her.

 

**72 hours**

Now the Crystal Gems were really feeling the pressure. Connie had become undone after another dreamless night, anxious and distant the entire next day, pushing herself through training drills with watery clones provided by Lapis. The aquatic versions of herself provided a welcome challenge, an opportunity to take out her anger and frustration and they were a refreshing change of pace from holo-Pearls. Amethyst had taken the form of an owl and flew back to the Temple for the first time since they all came back together, tasked with collecting a few things that they were to need while stationed in the country: food and drink for Connie (and herself), a change of clothes for Steven if – no, _when_ they find him, Pearl’s favorite sword, a few things from her own room, and to check on Greg. Pearl had begun to help Peridot with her project, once the concept had been perfected, glad to be able to focus on something.

But all of that was that morning and barely took up their afternoon, and it was now night again. They were all running out of things to do, waiting for Sapphire to reform. None of them wanted to admit it, but they felt helpless without Garnet. They would never be able to scour the entire planet, nigh the universe, looking for Steven without her.

Pearl couldn’t stop replaying horrifying images in her mind from the war. Public executions. Torturing gems for information. Shards, everywhere, no matter where she went. The terrifying renegade though she once was, Pearl felt a fraction of herself. Back then, she had Rose, and Rose would make sure everything was okay in the end. As long as she had Rose, she was ready to face anything. Now, she didn’t have Rose, and she didn’t even have Steven. His gentle smile, his forgiving nature, his infectious laugh, and those stars in his eyes…

She felt the emotions welling in her that usually triggered her tears, but she had no more tears to spare. Instead, her eyes just gazed lifelessly forward, re-living a life 5,000 years ago while her present self hardly existed.

The first hour had been the hardest. Connie had been trying so hard to get her to focus on the big picture. But all she could do was sob, her face in her hands, only looking up when Connie grabbed her and forced her to face her problems. From the moment she heard Connie on the phone that morning, Pearl knew something had been wrong. She had felt guilty all day for leaving Steven alone and now she was being punished for it – they took him. The others tried to reason with her that it could be anyone, even human kidnappers, but Pearl knew. It was Homeworld. This was her punishment for the rebellion, thousands of years later. They let her come to love freedom, fusion and her life, only to have the thing that made her life worth living stolen away from her.

The others were hurting as the hours dragged by, each occasionally leaving the group to grieve in private, but Pearl did not seek privacy cry because she found herself unable to even grip her own emotions. She was just finally getting what she deserved, after so many years of defiance – just a Pearl, put in her place.

It wasn’t fair, though. She had done bad things – horrible, unforgivable things – but Steven was innocent. So, so innocent. He saw beauty in everything, kindness in everyone, and radiated happiness into the lives of those around him. And now, he was gone, because she had been too weak to protect him, too preoccupied with corrupted gems to make sure he was safe.

Pearl had shattered gems before, although the memories pained her. She never wanted to, but it was a war. She couldn’t help but shudder when she saw the pained expressions of gems who were shattered while still in their physical form; the act of watching someone’s consciousness split into a million pieces, tiny parts of their essence ripped away from the fibers that bound them into a single person. The way she had to drive a sword through chest, navel, forehead, arm, and leg for her cause, watching the life leave the eyes of dozens of gems…

Pearl was moving and talking and acting within her own reality, at the barn on the outskirts of Beach City, her gem intact, but she thought she understood the pain those gems had experienced now. Her gem had not broken, but her heart had been shattered.

So, when another day without her Steven came to an end and some of her companions worked through the night, she surprised herself with the urge to speak to Connie. The two had not spoken directly to each other since the first day in the Temple, and Pearl’s zombie-like state brought her to the spot where Connie had established her sleeping bag. The girl had been working relentlessly all day, pushing herself harder and harder and _harder_ against whatever Lapis would throw at her, and her behavior had not gone unnoticed by Pearl.

_Oh, Connie…_

Connie, who had been texting someone on her cell phone, was surprised when she realized Pearl was standing in front of her. Her teacher had been noticeably absent from the group – she was here, physically, but she wasn’t really _here_. Her mind was elsewhere, but no one wanted to ask where.

“Ma’am?” Connie began to get to her feet as the graceful gem looked down at her.

Pearl raised a hand to stop her. “No, it’s okay. I wanted to talk to you before you sleep.”  
Connie complied, going back into a sitting position but not withdrawing to her sleeping bag.

Pearl looked at the human girl, a pillar of resolve, beautiful and fierce and determined. It was beings like Connie that helped Pearl to understand why the Rose had felt the Earth was worth protecting. She had changed so much in the short time they’ve known each other and the teacher couldn’t help but feel proud of her student. She smiled, the first time since the ridiculous laughter had swept her away days ago.

“Connie. I know you care for Steven… Maybe as much as I cared for Rose.” The girls cheeks flushed with color, but Pearl continued.

“I just… I wanted to say thank you, for what you did for me the first day. You handled this better than any of us, and we’re only a few thousand years older than you.” Pearl let out a small chuckle at her own joked and sighed. Connie was beaming at the compliment, and that Pearl was acting a bit more herself, but remained silent.

“Whatever happens when Garnet comes back to us, I want you to know I’m proud of how much you’ve grown. A part of me is… ashamed of the way I’ve behaved,” Connie looked like she wanted to say something, but she bit her lip, not wanting to interrupt.

“But in another way, I’m glad I did. Though it was irresponsible of me, it gave me a chance to step back and watch you masterfully handle such a horrible… situation. It has given me a chance to remember what it was like to fight for someone I loved. So... actually, that was all. I’ll let you sleep now.” Pearl was about to get up and walk away, but was surprised when Connie flung herself forward into her arms, squeezing the gem appreciatively. Pearl had not expected the sudden touch, so she didn’t hug back, just received the warm embrace of the human child. It was not the same sort of hug she was used to from Steven, which were always soft and cuddly even since he was an infant, but the hug was warm and comforting all the same.

Connie began to pull back, a tear in her eye, and opened her mouth to say something, but she was stopped by a sudden scream.

“ ** _It’s happening!_ _She’s reforming!”_**

There was a clatter of odd sounds and voices as the various gems and the single human clambered from their individual enclaves around the barn. They all stood and stared as the gemstone that Ruby had held so tightly floated, casting a cooling blue light in every direction, illuminating the rolling hills and the trees of the countryside. The light grew brighter and brighter until it started to take shape. Ruby was crying, tears of joy, and soon everyone was crying with her.

Sapphire, small, beautiful and wise, landed gently on the ground in front of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for your comments and for reading. A special thanks to TheBlade17 and Mustangsarah10 for being loyal followers!


	11. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven counts 190 diamonds and a door finally opens.

A week has passed, or maybe two, Steven decided. He realized it was pointless to try to track Earth days anymore, but the instinct was deeply embedded in his brain. He was still in the same room, and he’s hasn’t talked to anyone, seen anyone, or done anything besides eat, sleep, and study the mural on the wall.

He could hear the smooth voice of Buck Dewey in the back of his mind: _Time is just an illusion_.

That might be true, Steven thought, but that didn’t make the passage of time any less boring. Steven wouldn’t believe there was anyone else out there in the ship, or whatever he was in, if they hadn’t continued to send him food. In fact, his food sometimes told him bits of information about the outside world. At one point his meals had grown even more meager, less water and smaller geometric fruits. This had worried him at first, but then he started to receive even bigger portions and cold, refreshing water after several days(?) of the smaller portions. Gems aren’t exactly ones to make calculation mistakes, so Steven assumed there was some reason behind the change.

When he first received smaller portions, he considered rejecting the food entirely. Maybe he would just starve or die of dehydration – at this rate, he would at least die of boredom. But he continued to eat and drink, wanting to see what would happen if they completely ran out of rations; he figured someone would be forced to come see him, maybe kill him since they had no more food, or move him somewhere with more food. But that hope was squashed, along with most of his other hopes, after a few days. His portions came back, larger at first, and returned to the same predictable size.

Without a mirror, or any sort of bathroom, Steven was sure he looked and smelled horrible. He was still in the same tattered clothes from the day he was grabbed, and he had resorted to using a corner to deal with his human bodily functions at mealtime when his hands were free, before returning his palms to their own tiny prison. His body was starting to recover as he noticed his pain gradually getting better, but he could tell his wrist was not healing properly. When Connie had hurt that kid at school – Jeff, maybe? – his arm had been hurt severely enough that he needed a cast for it to heal properly. Steven’s cuffs were the closet thing he had to a cast, but they were a poor substitute for medical treatment.

On days when Steven was feeling a bit bolder, he would study his body when his hands were freed. His finger and toe nails had grown longer and his hair felt a shaggier (it might have just been from not showering), but those were about the only things that had grown. The rest of his body felt like it was shrinking: his jeans felt looser and his T-shirt became baggier by the day. The meals were regular and enough, but not nearly the same as his eating habits on Earth. His stomach was much leaner now, and if he pressed into his side he could feel his ribs. He couldn’t see them, thankfully, but if he continued like this it would only be a matter of time.

Leaning against the West wall, Steven was absently trying to count the diamonds that decorated the blue room, to compare them with how many he had counted on the East wall earlier.

 _187, 188, 189, 190…_ The numbers increased steadily, predictably, for what he was sure just another day in solitary confinement.

But then, something new happened.

Steven fell backwards through the wall, thinking at first he was having an out of body experience. Then, he blinked several times to see a face looking down at him. The wall behind him had opened abruptly and he had fallen through the doorway.

“Get up, _you_.” It was Holly Blue Agate, and to Steven’s surprise, Lilac Pearl. The former had a wicked smile traced across her lips.

Steven scurried away from her, back into his cell, although he did not envy the idea of being closed in again. He couldn’t use his powers in his blue room (a fact he had learned ages ago) and he wasn’t sure about the rest of the ship. Very aware of his cuffs and of the raised diamond insignia on his arm, Steven struggled onto his knees and eventually to his feet, doing as he was told.

It felt odd to stand, he realized – he never stood much in his cell. Maybe it had been longer than two weeks? He couldn’t know for sure.

“Good. Not so talkative now, are we?” She mocked him, but Steven said nothing. He was used to saying nothing by now.

Obviously, Steven’s silence was not what Holly Blue Agate had come here for. In fact, quite the opposite – this was going to be her last time with the filthy human alone. She wanted one last moment of revenge, and she wanted to enjoy it.

“Listen to me. There is nothing more disgraceful than you, you miserable half-gem.” Steven stared up at her, angry that his first interaction in forever was with this horrible gem, trying to intimidate him, insulting him while he was defenseless. Lilac Pearl just stood off to the side, head looking forward into the wall, not acknowledging the interaction in front of her.

“And if you think the little stunt you pulled at _my_ Zoo was any sort of victory, you will soon learn how wrong you are. My Diamond has finally decided what to do with you.”

And that had done it. Holly Blue Agate had wanted a reaction, and now she got one. Steven thought, in some small corner of his mind, that the Gems would be showing up given all the time that had passed, or maybe had shown up and negotiated his return, or would be the people breaking his door down. Not only was he terribly wrong, but his wishful thinking set him up for disappointment. No, this was the haughty, angry presence of Holly Blue Agate, telling him that some sort of decision had been made about his fate. He stared up at her, horrorstruck, not sure what to say, but his face betrayed his fears. Holly Blue Agate smiled.

“Did you and your little band of _defects_ really think the Diamonds would not hear of this?” She was advancing into the room now, squatting to be at his level.

She continued, smug. “Well, _I_ do not respond to the threats of traitors like you.” She lifted a hand to smack him and was pleased when he flinched. Instead, she grazed a hand along his cheek and cupped his small face in one hand.

“Do you like that? I learned that little trick from your little cross-fusion friend. Make them fear you, then hurt them in a way they don’t expect.”

Steven didn’t know what to do, but he knew he had to do something. Holly Blue’s words made his skin crawl, fear gripping his chest. His eyes looked around the room, praying for some sort of respite, but he knew no such opportunity existed. After all, he had studied the room at least a thousand times.

Holly Blue Agate turned her head, but did not take her eyes off the boy. “Pearl?”

“Yes, my Agate?”

“Can you remind me of my Diamond’s _exact_ orders? I wouldn’t want to defy her, after all.”

“Yes, my Agate. Our luminous Diamond instructed that you, the respected Holly Blue Agate to have captured Rose Quartz, to her, alive. She desired to see the gemstone in question herself, intact.” Lilac Pearl relayed the information quietly, eyes moving quickly to Steven and away. She looked scared, Steven noted, but probably not nearly as scared as he was.

Holly Blue Agate spoke again, still studying Steven’s terrified face. “And Pearl, one last thing. Please remove his security monitor.”

“At once, my Agate.”

The Homeworld Pearl stepped between them, her face acting as a barrier between Holly Blue and Steven’s own. It was a small relief, but Steven was grateful to have the authoritative blue gem’s gaze interrupted, if only for a moment. As Lilac Pearl undid his cuffs, she gave Steven one last pained look – she must already know what was about to happen? All she could do was mouth _I’m sorry._

The only benevolent gem Steven had come in contact with was hesitating, gazing at the small boy as he hugged his own, newly free, arms. She had a regretful look on her face. Steven thought that it was nice that Lilac Pearl looked like she wanted to help him, despite her status in the terrible Homeworld class system. He didn’t hold it against her that she did nothing, though; an act like that could cost her her life, and Steven didn’t want that.

“Yes, Pearl, that will be all.” Holly Blue Agate snapped at her for stalling. The gem in question gave Steven a final fleeting glance and then briskly walked away.

It was just the two of them now, himself and Holly Blue Agate. She was standing at her full height again, at least twice Steven’s own, looking down at him thoughtfully. Her face hadn’t turned concerned, exactly, but more inquisitive and curious. Steven had backed up as far as he could go into the room, standing opposite Holly Blue, her frame blocking the doorway. He thought about trying to run past her, but he didn’t imagine he could outrun her and whatever sort of guards might be on the outside. He decided to simply stand there and wait, hoping Lilac Pearl would come back, or better yet, his own Pearl…

In a quick flash of motion, the towering blue gem had grabbed Steven’s small one in her own. Steven was so surprised that he couldn’t react, so she twirled him gracefully and dipped his tiny frame in a ballroom style pose. Then, the Rose Quartz gemstone and the Agate began to glow beautifully, the colors reverberating off the small space in a brilliant flash of color.

Steven felt sick with… _power_? No, wait, this was all wrong, why was he… they… _laughing_?

He grabbed their head, confused and amazed and laughing in the scariest voice he had ever imagined could come from his mouth.

First, there was pulling and pain and rejection _rejection rejection_ and there was glowing as they fought, but eventually Opalite stood alone in the blue room, horrifying and deadly.

 _Come, we have business to attend to_.

_No, what? We… I… let me go! Stop!_

Opalite faltered for a moment as she placed one of her arms against the wall, but Holly Blue’s presence in the fusion was too strong.

 _We will show_ you _what Homeworld does to traitors_.

The beastly fusion then dashed down the hallway, its speed surprising both of them.

_Like a Sapphire…_

They stopped, looking at the reflection of their combined selves, one part pleased and the other part revolted. Opalite was a bit taller than Smoky Quartz, but not much. Their skin pale blue but their face was affixed with two eyes and two mouths, all wicked with Holly Blue Agates’s menace. The fusion had Steven’s nose and it donned a tattered pink dress with three stars going down the middle. The hair was dark and curly, but it expanded outwards from the head into two pigtails. The worst of it was the arms, though – Holly Blue Agate’s arms were directly connected to the shoulders, but Steven’s smaller human arms dangled from them at the elbow; they were too short to really do much of anything, and their legs weren’t much better. Steven’s short frame supported the fusion, accounting for their small stature, with just a few inches added from Holly Blue Agate’s presence. Their body was thick like Bismuth, but their legs were supple like Opal’s, accounting for their impressive speed. Opalite’s arms were so long they grazed the ground as they stood.

They stood there studying themselves for a while, almost certain that they was the first of its kind. The two that raged within them for dominance both fell out over the fusion’s own terrifying personality. Aggressive and vindictive like Holly Blue Agate, but irrational and reckless like Steven, the entity bounded down the hallways, knowing exactly where it was supposed to go.

Internally, Steven was crying. Now he understood how Lapis (or perhaps Jasper?) must have felt. It was sickening, your body moving against your will, your mind clouded with the presence of another, pulling and pushing you and just want it all to stop stop stop _stop._

_I thought you all hated cross-fusion? This is… wrong…please, just stop…_

_That’s true, boy, but there are forces at play here larger than you know._

He continued to try to resist, but there was something about being trapped in this that was far worse than his cell – even worse than the days he spent in the darkness when he first arrived. It was something he had never experience with Stevonnie or Smoky Quartz. In both fusions, Stevonnie in particular, Steven didn’t feel like himself, but like _more_ of himself than he could ever be. With Connie or Amethyst, they brought out better parts of him that he didn’t know he had; with this, Steven felt nauseating and bubbling with hatred. So much rage, at his captors, at Homeworld, at the lousy Amethysts, at himself, at the Diamonds, and the filthy humans, and the Crystal Gems and it all swirled into a nauseating mixture of feelings that Steven had never had.

He hated it, but the worst part of it was, there was a small, shameful voice in his mind that couldn’t deny that part of him liked it, too. Steven was mortified at the thought, but the feeling was undeniable– he felt so _strong_ in this form, like he could destroy anything that stood in their way.

And that is exactly what Opalite intended to do, without Steven having much say in the matter.

 


	12. Storm in the Barn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone adjusts to Sapphire's return, Amethyst eats dirt, Greg wears a something plastic, and Connie finds someone unexpected.

Future vision is complicated enough when trying to make sense of a million crisscrossing possibilities that are right in front of you – it’s that much harder when the track of time skips ahead three days, and every one of the million possibilities have changed, each now paved with hopelessness, pain, and death.

The last thing Sapphire remembered from _before_ was a shift in the path of fate, something distant and nearly impossible jumping to the forefront of her visions: it was an image of Steven, lying in the sand outside of the beach house, terrified and badly beaten. The vision, visceral and devastating, tore at the blue gem’s heart. Horrified, Sapphire was so overcome with emotion that she was forced apart from her Ruby. The usually inseparable duo flew apart in the water while each potential future from that moment began to branch out into countless horrific paths of fate. Ruby, she could tell, was hurt that a vision could come between them, but she would understand if she knew what had followed.

Then, things went black and the blue gem she contemplated her life, her responsibilities, her world and all that was important to her… And, in what felt like no time at all, she returned to find herself outside of the barn on the outskirts of Beach City.

Usually lovely and patient, the Sapphire that returned to them was immediately tense, freezing under the pressure of each vision as it collided with her mind in the present. It took Ruby several hours to calm her down, the blue gem crying and yelling hysterically as she tried to come back to speed with the past. It was almost ironic – someone who could see every possible future laid out before her, yet she felt like she knew nothing of what had been her life before. How could so much change in just three days?

The whole thing made worse by the fact that she could see every likelihood that her partner wanted ask to form Garnet, and it none of their possible attempts at fusion could hold right now. They were simply at disharmony; one living too far ahead, the other too far behind. And being apart like this was just _awful_ – Sapphire wanted to be re-fused, to feel safe and strong in the comfort of Ruby’s warmth, and she could tell that Ruby wanted it even more, but she could not burden her partner with this right now. The visions were all deeply, deeply disturbing, each playing out like a theatrical movie and each ending with some variety of their little Steven hurting and crying, each possible rescue mission failing. In some of them, the others were shattered, while in others no one but Steven died. But there was not a _single_ possible future that ended with Steven living for much longer, no matter how far ahead the path of time she searched. Sometimes it was Yellow Diamond personally, finally having her vengeance for the revolution; other times it was a Quartz soldier, torturing him until his heart stopped or his gem shattered; other times it was from lack of water and food, a skeleton of his old self going unconscious just to never wake again. And still more possibilities branched out like an endless maze, each turn making things more dizzying and every path leading to another dead end.

By the time the next morning had come, Ruby and Sapphire had gone on a walk. They held hands which comforted them both slightly, but there was a canyon between them that neither could traverse. Ruby had managed to fill in Sapphire of all they were able to gather in the past few days, and Sapphire shared some small details, but not much. Steven was alive, off-planet, hurt but not fatally. She really couldn’t get into the specifics right now, no matter how much she wanted to. By the time that dawn had passed, the pair returned to the barn and relieved all the others when Sapphire announced to them that Steven was alive.

But that’s where the relief ended. Pearl immediately began a line of questioning that neither blue nor red gem had prepared for, still preoccupied by intimacy of their long and emotional night.

“Thank the _stars_. Where is he? How do we get him back? How soon can we get him? Is he hurt?” There was a general hum of agreement as Pearl laid out her questioning, others adding suggestions to the queue and a few crying a relieving tears, only for Ruby to step protectively in front of Sapphire. The ground had begun to freeze beneath the two small gems’ feet.

“Listen. Please, just, not right now. Sapphy is…not ready. A lot has changed.” Ruby glanced wistfully at Sapphire, who said nothing but looked down at her feet.

 //

Another day passed, and another, and another, and they still didn’t have Garnet back. Steven has been gone for 6 days – that’s 144 hours, 8640 minutes, and 518,400 seconds since he’s disappeared. It was horribly frustrating to everyone at the barn but each tried their best to hide it, for Sapphire’s sake. Connie realized that the blue gem must be feeling an enormous amount of pressure right now, and the only direct question she would respond to was the same that was posed to her every morning and every night: “Is he still alive?”

And the blue gem would only exchange one word with anyone besides Ruby. “Yes.”

Sleep came easier after Sapphire returned, one thing at least she was grateful for. Knowing that Steven was alive was a huge milestone in and of itself, but Connie also wasn’t naïve. Everyone saw how Sapphire reacted when she returned, so things must be very bad, even if he was alive. What could be happening to him? What could be so bad as to make Sapphire react that way? Why were they just sitting around?

 _Ugh, stop it Connie. Just calm down. It’s not going to help if we get mad at each other. Ruby is confident Sapphire will open up… she just needs time_. _But do we really have time to spare?_

Connie experienced some satisfaction now that she had returned to a regular sleeping pattern and was staying at the barn. Her parents would be coming to see her tonight, just to check in, but promised not to try to drag her home. The girl had been diligently giving her parents updates and calling twice a day to ensure that she was safe and that she would notify them if her plans changed anytime soon (like heading off-planet, she thought ruefully). At night, Connie was dreaming again, not falling into the weighty unconsciousness that had troubled her for the first few nights, but she was still disappointed each morning when she woke. Some of the dreams were pleasant, but most were not, and all of them featured Steven. None of them featured the _real_ him, though. She was desperately hoping that they would cross each other in their dreams, knowing that Steven had dream-related powers after Malachite and an episode with his friend Lars, but she could tell none of the Steven’s she met in his dream were really him. He was always far off, distant, behind a veil that she couldn’t phase through no matter how desperately she tried. Other dreams, her favorites, were them dancing on the beach again, taking turns playing an instrument while the other tried a creative new move – each dream like this ended with them fusing as Stevonnie, laying in the sand as the water washed over their feet.

Connie began preparing herself for another day of training with Pearl, who was now acting much more herself and embodied a newfound determination. She did not attempt to sleep the night Sapphire returned, instead she stood waiting for them at the edge of the barn door. Once she heard Steven was alive, her teacher had a passion in her every movement that inspired Connie to push herself even harder.

But right now, it was breakfast time. It had become routine. Amethyst would be outside waiting for her to start eating, something that the purple gem had been shy to at first. Once Connie assured her that she didn’t mind sharing food, Amethyst and her would eat together every morning. Then, after calling her parents for the first time that day, she and Pearl would begin with Holo-Pearls as a warm up, moving to technique training and finishing with endurance drills.

So Connie retreated behind the curtain Pearl had thankfully put up for her, in an attempt to give her some privacy in the otherwise open barn. As she began to secure her hair into a ponytail, she walked outside to smell eggs and toast being prepared by a tag-team effort of Peridot and Amethyst. The green and purple gem had a lovable camaraderie that Connie had grown to appreciate the more time she spent here, both eager to find pleasure in even the most mundane activities and to put forward a happy face despite the difficulties of another day on Earth without Steven.

“Morning!” Peridot greeted her cheerfully as she came out of the barn and approached the food.

“Connie, check out what Peri can do!” Amethyst was excited, encouraging the green gem who looked proudly at the human.

“Behold, my metal powers! _Hnngg_ …” And after a moment, there was a _pop_ as toast shot from the toaster high into the air, obviously enhanced by Peridot’s ability to manipulate metal.

Connie gave her a smile. “Wow, Peridot, nice!” She was really starting to understand why Steven considered all of these people family. They made her feel welcome, even though she was so different.

The toast fell lazily to the ground, the extent to Peridot’s manipulative powers ending once the bread flew from the toaster. Amethyst flew into action.

“I got dibs.” She immediately scooped the bread off the ground (along with some dirt, but she didn’t seem to mind) and shamelessly dropped her winnings into her mouth.

“Amethyst!” It was Pearl’s voice, which had regained its usual sharpness.

Pearl grimaced down at the purple gem. “Really, the food is supposed to be for Connie.”

Amethyst, too relieved to have the old Pearl back, not the shell of herself that had haunted them for days, didn’t mind the chide.

“Oh c’mon P, you know that toast is too _unhealthy_ and _void of nutrition_ for a swordsman like Connie.” Amethyst had made her voice a mocking of Pearl’s, which caused Connie to stifle a laugh. Peridot didn’t execute the same restraint, however, cackling at the joke as Amethyst shapeshifted into a doppelgänger of Connie and brandished a fake purple sword.

Sighing in defeat, Pearl sat on the ground next to the real Connie. Peridot and Amethyst had started goofing off again.

Quietly, her teacher leaned to her and said “I may not have future vision, but even I knew that argument was a loss before it even began.” Connie laughed heartily, thankful for the lighter atmosphere around the barn. Each day it became easier to feel normal, but in many ways time just turned their worries into guilt. They all wore manacles around their hearts, grateful to be in the company of each other but still trapped in a suffocating cloud of guilt, each one of them painfully aware that they were here instead of him.

Every night before Sapphire had returned, Connie had tried not to think about the possibility that Steven was _really_ gone. There was so much she still wanted to say to him, to thank him for bringing her so much happiness, for giving her friendship when no one else would, for sharing his universe with her. More than anything, she felt regret at the pit of her stomach, thinking that she would never get to tell him how she felt. How did she feel, anyways? It was a loaded question, one that continually made her bite her lip but caused her stomach to erupt into butterflies. These weren’t the same sort of butterflies that plagued Stevonnie, but a fluttery, happy sort of presence that made her heart pound in her chest. Somehow, this emotional rollercoaster only made the original panic worse, fearing that she would never get to tell him about her feelings, to see him react, to hope he blushed with the same intensity she might, to grab his hand...

But the human girl pushed the thought away as she was passed a serving of eggs and no toast. She didn’t need to think about that now. Now that Connie knew Steven was alive, she vowed to tell him when he was back.

 //

Another day passed, now marking a full week since Steven had gone. Lapis was finding it very hard to join in the amity of the others, but she was trying. She couldn’t help the instinct to retreat to the silo each morning to watch the sun rise, filled with a deep sadness as she wondered if Steven too was looking up at the sky, somewhere out there. Everyday had begun this way, except today. Her ritual had been disturbed the previous morning by Peridot who had interrupted her pensive thoughts. She started by calling for Lapis, but when the green gem received no answer, she lifted herself up to the top using a piece of sheet metal from the barn, and Lapis couldn’t help but note how much her metal powers had improved.

Lapis remembered the conversation for yesterday morning with a pit in her stomach, but it was important that she re-lived the exchange. It was a painful discussion between the two of them, ruminating on imprisonment and Homeworld and Steven’s fate. The blue gem hadn’t expected it, but once she opened up about her worries, she found that she couldn’t stop. There was a million fears racing in her mind, knowing firsthand how they he might be treated if Homeworld had been the ones to take him. After venting for awhile, Lapis turned to Peridot and was surprised to find her head in her knees, crying.

Lapis placed a comforting hand on the green gem’s back, feeling guilty for burdening Peridot with her frustrations and melancholy. The green gem spoke in response to Lapis’ touch but did not look at her.

“It – I’m sorry, just, I thought I was the only one thinking about what was happening. I know it sounds terrible but I’m glad you’re sad too. Sure we know he’s alive and Sapphire is back, but if he’s been taken by _them_ , I know what they’ll do to him. It’s the same things _I_ would have done to him if I had been told to.” The green gem released some more tears and raised her head, looking directly at Lapis.

Shocked, the blue gem wanted to say something but found she didn’t have the words. A small, tiny voice in the back of her mind still blamed Peridot for what happened to her, even though they’ve come so far. To see her barnmate so explicitly take ownership of how horrible she had been when Homeworld had been pulling the strings was disarming to say the least. After a long pause, she blue gem managed as small smile as her own tears welled in her eyes.

Flicking her hand lightly, Lapis pulled away the tears from the Peridot’s cheeks with her powers. She removed her hand from her back and placed it on top of one of the smaller green hands in front of her and said nothing, hoping her silent comfort was enough. Eventually, Peridot stood up to make her way back to the barn, but she turned to Lapis and spoke one more time.

“Don’t blame yourself, Lapis. And try not to feel too sad. I know… I know it’s not what Steven would have wanted.”

Then the green gem turned back, hopped down to the metal she had prepared for herself like a futuristic skateboard and floated off towards the barn.

Shaking her head, Lapis was trying to act on Peridot’s advice. She knew it was the truth – Steven had wanted so badly for her to be happy here on Earth, but _he_ had been her reason to stay, to seek happiness in the first place. More than anything, she just wanted to hear him laugh, to lift him up onto on her back and fly all over the skies again. They could joke, tell stories and debate on some drama that had happened in Camp Pining Hearts… if he was here. But he wasn’t here. So on the day marking a week since he’s been gone, Lapis tried to force herself to be in the company of the others, imagining it’s what he would have wanted.

Sitting atop the silo as dawn faded to morning, she gave the horizon a final fleeting glance. It was light grey with some tinges of orange, and she guessed it would rain. She thought about the never-ending waltz of the sun and the moon, even though they were both obscured from her vision by the clouds. Maybe her life was like that, too – coming so close to everything you could have ever asked for, only for it to slip away, like water escaping your fingers when you cupped together your hands. And now, the dance was made even more difficult, the source of guiding light obscured by a threatening, oppressive darkness.

 //

Ruby had finally begun to unravel what Sapphire had told her, but she could still tell her partner was leaving out some key pieces of information. The red gem didn’t push her, though, and instead let her heart be content by simply looking at her beautiful blue face. Ruby ran her fingers through her hair as it approached mid-day, all of the gems and Connie gathered in the barn for once. Usually they were scattered in various places nearby or inside the barn in groups of two or three, but the rain had driven them all inside. This is the first time they have all been together since _before_. All of the gems were resigned to partaking in Pearl’s training with nothing else to do; none of the gems minded getting wet of course (this all started at the bottom of the ocean, after all) but it wouldn’t feel right for them to go about their business outside while Connie was forced to be alone. They all knew from their many experiences with Steven that humans preferred not to be wet, and with Connie here it was reminiscent of staying in on a rainy day with their happy little guy. The exception to that being today, there were no board games or hot cocoa, no smiles or melodies from a ukulele, only grunts of effort in response to intense sparring and the occasional exchange of words.  
Ruby and Sapphire were the only ones who did not join in on the activity – they were perched peacefully above the others, sitting in the rafters that supported the barn. Ruby was sitting with her legs dangling, her partner reclining with her head on the red gem’s lap. She had separated her bangs, but she was not looking up, her shining blue eye closed against the world.

 _Maybe she’s listening to the rain? It is peaceful, after all. Or maybe it’s a vision…_ Ruby had become accustomed to having access to the visions too, so it was a bit frustrating not knowing what Sapphire saw but she respected her too much to pry. No matter who they were – Ruby and Sapphire or Garnet – the ability to see the future was a right reserved for Sapphire, a kindness that the blue gem shared with her as she saw fit. As Garnet, Sapphire could reign in her thoughts if she so chose, but the two never kept secrets so there had never been a need. Ruby couldn’t help but assume that Sapphire was keeping something from her, and that’s why they hadn’t re-fused, but there was no way to know for sure.

At this point, Ruby had gone over every detail that Sapphire had shared with her a hundred times. Sapphire couldn’t see the past so there was no way to know exactly what happened the night that Steven was taken, save that she saw him bruised and bleeding in a heap on the sand right outside of the beach house – the vision that had caused them to separate. Ruby hadn’t managed to experience the vision before, their separation happening too fast in the rush of activity, so Sapphire eventually clued her in. But as each day receded into another, the path of possibilities became a bit clearer for the immediate future, but then it split off again with too many variables at play.

As much as it pained everyone to wait, it was their best option as their many paths became a bit clearer; Homeworld must not have reached a decision with what to do with him, and until they did, Sapphire said there was not a single future she could see in which they infiltrated the ship he was on and made it to him before each and every one of them had been killed. The ship in question was the Arm Ship of Blue Diamond, occupied by its owner and she was, at minimum, in the company of Yellow Diamond. Some futures included White Diamond, too, but those paths were not as likely. Otherwise, Sapphire told her that Steven was being fed and given water, though not very much, and that he had some injuries that were healing.

So, despite every urge to ask questions, Ruby waited. And waited. And _waited_. The red gem was a ball of rage by the time Sapphire had finished sharing what information she did, wanting to tear at her own hair and beg the blue gem to tell her more. Steven was just… he was their little guy, coming into his own gem and person. He didn’t deserve this – he would never hurt anyone, and now he was completely at the mercy of the gems who threatened to shatter them both thousands of years ago for becoming Garnet. She wanted to grab Sapphire by the shoulders and shake her, reminding her that they can change the future – they had done it before, hadn’t they? But before she could even utter the thought, Sapphire had raised a cold hand to stop her, saying she had thought the same thing.

“But, this is different. This is Steven’s life we’re talking about… I want to change the future, I do, but what if we… fail?” Sapphire didn’t need to clarify what she meant by that. So, Ruby was resigned to sit and be a warm comfort to Sapphire and nothing else. It was difficult, Ruby not usually known for her patience, but she could tell her Sapphire was hurting and it would hurt her even more to talk if she wasn’t ready.

Lost in thought, Ruby absently untangled her fingers from the pale blue hair of her partner and rested the hand gently on her face. In response, a brilliant blue eye fluttered open and looked up at her.

 //

As the two sat peacefully with nothing but the sounds below of swords, the occasional voice, and the pitter patter of rain. Sapphire was staring at her, and even after all this time Ruby still flushed a deep crimson.

The blue gem spoke, resting a hand on the one Ruby had placed on her cheek. “Ruby… Would you mind if I spoke to Lapis and Connie? There’s something… I need to…”

“Sure, do you want me to get them?” Ruby spoke a little too quickly, obviously excited at the prospect of Sapphire speaking to the others. It would be the first time in the four days she’s been back, and she knew everyone would feel hugely relieved to hear some news. There was a trace of confusion in the red gem’s tone, as she considered that Lapis and Connie would be a strange first audience.

“No, I will go. Greg will be here in a few moments. I would like to speak to them both in the van, for some privacy.” Sapphire was studying her partners face, although she didn’t really have to. The hurt was plain as day, something that absolutely broke the blue gem’s heart. Ruby was hurt, her suspicion confirmed that the blue gem was hiding something. And to add insult to injury, she was preparing to share that information with _Lapis_ and _Connie_ , of all people?

“I promise… I will tell you more when the time is right. Please, Ruby…trust me?” Sapphire managed a small smile, squeezing Ruby’s burning hot hand in her icy cool one.

“I… yes. It’s okay, Sapphy. I’m just worried about you… About Garnet, too.” It was the first time either of them had verbally acknowledged the fact that they had not attempted to fuse.

At this, the blue gem shifted to a sitting position and turned to face her Ruby. Then, taking the firey gem by surprise, she tackled her off of the beam above and they landed hard on the ground, neither caring as the usually dignified gem smothered the protective one with kisses. They did not glow in a light, but there was laughter for the first time from the two of them as the rest of the barn stood in a stunned silence, looking at the scene before them.

Finally, Ruby and Sapphire stood up and the blue gem leaned close to her companion. They were both blushing, and Ruby grabbed her hand sheepishly.

“There’s my laughy Sapphy.” Her hand was warm, and it cooled the icebox of Sapphire’s heart. In response, Sapphire tightened her grip of the red gem’s hand before addressing the others. “Don’t worry, Garnet will be back soon.”

And with that, the blue gem made her annoucement.

 //

Connie was more than a little shocked at Sapphire’s proclamation. The blue gem repeated herself, knowing that the human girl would need a moment to catch up.

“Greg is here. He will be walking in any moment. Connie, Lapis, please, will you come with me to the van? I need to speak to you both.”

Lapis had already stood up and approached the smaller gem, her mouth pressed into a thin line nervous and suspicious. Connie just stood and stared for another moment when she was nudged by Amethyst.

“What? Oh yes, right. Of course…” She was just about to move towards the other two blue gems when there was a knocking at the barn door. A moment later, Mr. Universe appeared in the entrance, smiling. He had heavy bags under his eyes that betrayed his attempt to look cheerful. He lowered the hood of an ugly, plastic-like rain poncho as he walked forward.

“Hey folks, just thought I’d…” he trailed off when he noted the tense stares of all the others.

“Uh, bad time? I can go, if,” he began again, only to be stopped by Sapphire. The small gem approached him and looked up.

“Hello, Greg. Please, make yourself comfort for a moment. May I borrow the van?”

Greg said nothing at first, surprised and taken aback by the strange request. After a moment of processing, he nodded his head and pulled the keys from his coat pocket. He trusted Garnet enough to put his son’s life in her hands, so he could certainly trust one half of her with the van.

“Uh, sure. It’s a little messy, maybe I should…” He said sheepishly, turning to go to back outside.

Sapphire didn’t let him finish, still on edge despite the show of affection from moments ago. She was not exactly happy about the conversation she was about to have.

“Please, Greg, don’t worry. You know we don’t mind.” She even managed a smile, but her eye was hidden behind her bangs.

Greg just continued to look confused, but shrugged and handed over the keys. “Sure thing, just be careful?”

Sapphire took the key and gestured for Lapis and Connie to follow. “Of course. Thank you, Greg.”

The three of them quickly made their way to the van that was parked just outside the barn, closer than usual (probably because Mr. Universe didn’t want to walk very far in the rain, Connie guessed). Not bothering with an umbrella, Sapphire led the way, followed by Lapis and Connie taking up the rear. Connie was looking up at slight angle at Lapis’ gem, wondering what could be happening, her stomach turning over as she tried to prepare for the worst.

_No, it can’t be something bad with Steven, could it? If he was… gone, she would have to tell everyone. And she would probably tell Pearl first, if not Ruby. Why me and Lapis? I’ve never been alone with these two, and I never considered… they’re both blue… Do they have a history? Do all blue gems know each other? No, don’t be stupid Connie, you’re brown, do you know all brown people?_

Her mind was moving a million miles a minute by the time the three of them settled into the back of the van. Lapis scooted aside some garbage and sat on the floor, Sapphire simply floated above the mess elegant and intimidating, saying nothing, and Connie closed the door and sat on a pile of blankets that were usually Steven’s favorite for a quick nap if he could manage at the car wash.

Realizing she was the only one dripping water all over Mr. Universe’s things, Connie hopped up onto her feet again. The two flinched at her abrupt reaction.

“Ah, oh no, oh no, my bad…”

Lapis gave her a shy smile. “No big deal,” and with a quick hand motion all of the beads of water flew off her body, out of her hair, and off the pooling floor of the van. The blue gem played gently with the small orbs she collected, threading and swirling them into shapes instead of dispelling the element entirely.

Then there was a silence. A long, sad, uncomfortable silence. Lapis and Connie were obviously waiting for Sapphire to say something. The blue gem was just frowning, eye hidden, tense. So they waited for another five minutes, Connie trying to focus on Lapis’ hydrokinetic manipulation to calm her own nerves, the temperature drop in the van noticeable. Some of Lapis’s water had turned to slush, and Sapphire was breathing hard, something Connie knew she didn’t need to do as a gem.

“I’m sorry. There’s just so much going on in my head right now, it’s just so difficult to…” and she trailed off again. There was another extended silence as Connie and Lapis said nothing.

“Something is about to happen to Steven. Something… very bad. He is not going to die,” the blue gem tacked on the last part quickly, seeing the reactions of the two spiraling in her future vision if she did not present the information carefully. Instead, Connie’s mind and body went numb while Lapis looked like she was carved of stone – not moving and not breathing, eyes narrowed.

“I know I haven’t shared much with you all. There is a good reason, although it might not seem like it right now. I would not blame you if you resented me.” Sapphire prefaced what she was about to reveal, hoping to soften the blow. Neither Lapis nor Connie said anything, but the human at least shook her head in acknowledgment.

The gem continued. “It was Homeworld, although you’ve both probably figured that out. They took him, I’m not exactly sure how they figured it out but they learned he has the Rose Quartz gemstone. They recognize, however, that he has human needs and that his body… is more _impressionable_ than that of a gem.” Each word was measured carefully, trying not to unnecessarily worry her audience. Sapphire had chosen these two for this conversation carefully, both having the lowest likelihood of becoming irrational with fury, she hoped. If ever there was a time the team needed to stay focused, it was now.

Connie winced at the meaning behind Sapphire’s words. She figured, along with most of them, it had been Homeworld that had been behind this, but everyone had hoped that he was just a prisoner, a hostage for some greater plan. For them to know his body was different than gems… Connie shivered, but said nothing, waiting with baited breath for whatever came next.

Lapis gave no reaction whatsoever.

“Tomorrow I believe the track of fate will change considerably. I see almost every road leading to a single possible outcome at this point. Before, it had been too far away before for me to be certain, but there is almost no avoiding it. Now a decision has been made with what will happen to Steven, so the possibilities are converging into a handful of more likely scenarios.

“Steven will be… That is, if the future I see comes true, the Diamonds… they want to be sure that he’s really a gem. They know he has her bubble and the physical gemstone, but it’s obvious that he’s organic. The only way for them to be certain it isn’t some sort of trick is… fusion. They are going to force him to fuse Holly Blue Agate. He won’t see it coming and won’t be able to prevent it. I… I’m sorry.” Sapphire had begun to cry as she spoke, her sobbing mixing with the fall of raindrops outside the car. Lapis had stopped playing with her aquatic orbs, evaporating them with a clenched fist. Connie said nothing, staring into the wall opposite of her in the van but not really seeing or hearing anything. Her mind was a film reel, replaying every special memory she’s shared with Steven together, particularly as Stevonnie, how safe and happy she felt to be connected to him, to experience the world together. Garnet’s words echoed in her mind.

_You are not two people, and you are not one person. You are an experience – make sure you’re a good experience._

Whatever was about to happen could _not_ be a good experience, and after what had happened with Lapis and Jasper…

Connie’s attention snapped back to blue gem sitting opposite her in the small space of the van, who had wrapped her arms around herself and looked vacant. Her lips were no longer a thin line, but had dipped into a frown with her eyebrows furled.

They all sat there in a muted state, each heart filled with worry and questions that were unanswerable.

Finally, Lapis spoke. Her voice was a small, sharp whisper. “How long?”

Sapphire didn’t understand, but Connie did. She had been prepared to ask the same thing.

“How long will he be fused?”

Sapphire seemed dismayed by the question, which did nothing to ease the mounting rigidity in the car.

“I… I don’t know. It depends on how hard he fights. It could be over as quickly as it starts, and he’s able to unfuse once he realizes what’s happened. But that’s… not likely. It could stretch on… for hours, maybe days. It depends on what the Diamonds make of him he is presented to them.”

Lapis stood up at this, anger flashing across her face. The rain had stopped falling on the car at this point, so it had become quiet.

“He is going to be forced into a _fusion_ and then put on display in front of the _Diamonds?_ He will be _killed_! Why didn’t you say something? We could have stopped this! What’s the _matter_ with you?”

Sapphire did not seem surprised by the outburst, but she looked at the floor, hurt that this was the path Lapis had chosen. The tall gem threw open the doors and flew off, out of sight, away from the barn. Connie just sat there, still numb, her brain unable to process what all of this meant.

Eventually, Sapphire spoke. It was raining again, getting the edge of the van wet. “Connie. Things are not going to get better, not anytime soon. This… it would destroy the others, do you understand? They cannot know what I have told you. I will have to tell Ruby eventually, but I don’t think Garnet can bear this right now. I can tell the others some of what I have shared with you, but not this piece. Fusion is… well, I don’t need to tell you. You are the only one who has fused with him besides Amethyst, and Stevonnie is much more than a regular fusion. You will need you to be strong for everyone’s sake. Can you do that?”

Connie said nothing, so Sapphire repeated her name. “Connie?”

The girl glanced at Sapphire, who had revealed her eye behind her bangs. She looked like every word was causing her great pain to share, anguishing over what would become reality. Finally, Connie gave her a nod but still said nothing. She slid herself from the back of the van and walked off, not going anywhere in particular, just wanting to be alone.

The skies were grey and the grass was wet against her bare feet. It felt fitting for her mood; she wanted to be angry like Lapis, or driven to strageize by the future like Sapphire, but all she could feel right now was emptiness. So many questions were answered when the blue gem had shared what she knew, and she was grateful for answers, but at what cost? There were a thousand new questions that flashed through her mind, each causing her to second guess her every move.

 _Could_ she be strong for them? For Steven? She wanted to believe she could, but this was a hurt that ran straight through her heart, digging talons into very core. It felt like a small part of her had just died, like Steven himself was slipping through her fingertips. Forget about forming Stevonnie again, what would happen to their friendship? Would he even want her anymore? What would something like this do to him? Will he still want to fight with her? What would he think of her, unable to protect him from something so horrific? Would he end up like Lapis, cringing at the very thought of fusion, distant and angry at everyone? Would he even _survive_ something like this? He could fuse with Amethyst, but that was a willing action. What if the strain is too much for him, what if he…

By this point, the girl was completely soaked and had wandered towards the warp pad, not knowing what else to do. Her legs simply guided her mindlessly along the path of fate, and she sat down and curled into herself on the smooth rock face, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. She felt a wetness slide down her cheeks, not sure what was tears and what was rain, what was real and imaginary.

An unexpected sound made her look up as she realized she wasn’t alone. At first, she worried that she really had been walking the line of reality and fantasy and that she had reached her breaking point, hallucinating like Stevonnie during their struggle atop the sky arena. She looked around for the source of the noise, only to see a familiar pinkness approach her. _Steven?_ She considered the possibility that she had gone insane and that this illusion was just a projection of her desire to be reunited. Insane or not, she flung herself towards him, content with an imaginary Steven if it meant she could hold him one more time before tomorrow. Half-expecting to fly through the presence like a puff of smoke, she was surprised when the hug was received, a _real_ warm hug, not like hugging a gem or phasing through nothingness. She withdrew in shock, turning her head.

_Lion?_

He had been missing for as long as Steven, and he was here now, comforting her, licking her face. Connie cried and laughed at her own foolishness. _Of course it’s not Steven. His fate is sealed. Tomorrow is about be the worst day of his life, and I’m stuck here, unable to do anything about it._

Lion nudged her gently as she released another shuddering sob, likely trying to get her to calm down. He always had a way of showing up when he was needed, and right now she needed him more than ever. He wasn’t Steven, but he was a part of his universe, something special and personal that belonged to him.

The two walked back to the barn after the rain had slowed down, the human girl’s feet squishing in the mud of the sopping grass. She didn’t care. She knew what she had to do now.

Everyone turned in surprise when she had returned. Everyone was present except Lapis. Mr. Universe was still there, and Sapphire had returned to the group. She stood with Ruby, smiling knowingly. Everyone rejoiced at the sight of Lion, a presence forgotten but so refreshing when he appeared beside Connie. Even Pearl, usually stand-offish in the beast’s presence, couldn’t help but nuzzle him affectionately. He was a symbol of Steven, living, breathing, pink and magical, just like him. Soon, everyone was a mess of hugs and wetness and warmth and coldness as they each came to accept what was happening. Connie had already accepted it, and she was ready to act.

She _would_ be strong for them. For Steven.


	13. Mourning Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven comes in contact with some orange, some white, some purple, and a whole lot of blue.

The fusion turned down a series of hallways, each a different shade of blue on a spectrum from dark to light. It was like a symphony of color, every shade perfectly moving from section to section in perfect sync; every crescendo was another antechamber, every rest was another turn, and the instruments all tuned to the same pitch, the same tone of blue. It was breathtaking to behold, but it all zoomed by too quickly for Steven to appreciate. Plus, there was the problem of being trapped inside of a fusion, in the presence of murderous Homeworld gems, and the boy having absolutely no idea where he was going.

As the colors melted by, Steven considered the shifting in shades as an indicator of location. That being the case, as dark gave way to light, he figured his holding cell must have been located towards one end of the…ship?

 _Yes, a ship._ Opalite knew where they were, even if he didn’t.

There – yes, Steven’s holding cell was located towards one end of the ship, but with their legs moving impressively fast he was unable grasp how massive the place really was. It _felt_ big for sure, as they continually moving through a maze of chambers and hallways. Everything passed in a blur of color – navy and indigo, admiral and aegean and eventually cobalt. By the time Opalite had arrived at their desired location, the hallways had become a true royal blue. Somewhere near the middle of the ship, he guessed.

A sense of nerves creeped up through them as they stood outside a single door. The door was shining white and glowed dimly, a welcome and conspicuous change in the sea of blue that enveloped the rest of the ship. It was marked by two triangles of blue coming from above and one yellow from below, where they met in the middle to form a small green diamond. The most noticeable part of their arrival, however, was the size of the entrance. Relative to the fusion, it was at least four or five times the height. Steven’s best guess was the height of Sardonyx, maybe even bigger. That made Holly Blue grimace.

_Don’t compare this marvel of My Diamond’s greatness to any of your horrible Crystal Gem cross-fusions._

_Horrible cross-fusions? We’re really not one to talk, though._

They approached a side panel on the door, annoyed that there was no Pearl present to unlock it for them.

_A door? There’s… someone behind it? Yes. No, wait — a group of people. Who…?_

That thought was not accessible to Steven’s half of the consciousness, though if he tried hard enough he could probably come up with an answer. He was too preoccupied with resisting every urge that moved his body, to untangle his mind from the spiteful consciousness that was Holly Blue Agate, hyperaware of his own weakness as he continuously failed to resist.

The fusion had driven him into an unspeakable sort of madness, and it reminded him of something Garnet had once told him about corruption: _It’s sort of like if MC Bear-Bear didn’t tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind._

The fusion laughed condescendingly at the memory, amused with his childish thought of _MC Bear-Bear_. Steven didn’t care, trying to ignore the automatic sneer that appeared at their lips. That’s _exactly_ what this felt like, or as close as Steven could possibly fathom. The whole tangling sensation was as unsettling as the teacups ride had been to his sensitive stomach, but this time it was his brain that felt sick. The whole experience was like web of interconnectedness that shackled his own thoughts to someone he absolutely despised – he imagined the same thing probably occurred with Stevonnie and Smoky, but he must have never noticed. Now, as the ache of resistance wore against the fetters that bound them to each other, the presence of the disturbing web was clear and intense. Their minds were unified into a single channel that was embodied by conflict, held together by sheer force of will. The harder Steven tried to the resist, the more it felt like he was ripping his own mind in two; he knew that couldn’t be right, because his mind was _his_ , but that didn’t make the experience any less painful. It was self-inflicted torture – staying together was uncomfortable and made him feel like every ounce of his privacy was being violated, but trying to leave was like searing his brain with electrical wires. The harder he tried to pull away, the hotter the wires burned, sending him scurrying back into the lesser of two evils that was Opalite.

Despite their internal turmoil, the blue fusion had crossed all four of her arms into a very awkward diamond salute just as the door opened and stood as tall as possible. The shapes that decorated the door in yellow and blue rescinded into the ceiling and floor respectively, revealing a dimly lit room with a single spot light, inviting them forward. Opalite was gripped with a nerves, and… what was it? Excitement? No, more like anticipation, maybe? Yes – that seemed right. Pulled through the doorway despite Steven’s every instinct to run, the fusion’s face fell into a frown as they were washed over with his mounting dread that disagreed with their pride and nerves.

_Do not ruin this for me! This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for!_

_I don’t even know what ‘this’ is._

_You really don’t know? We can tell you’re lying. We all know what this is. It’s your time to own up to the wrong you’ve done._

_It’s time to answer to the Diamonds._

There was nothing but the sound of their footsteps as the fusion entered the room, but an eerie tingle ran up their spine, sensing dozens of eyes watching them without really knowing from who or from where. One set of their own eyes darted around the room nervously as they held the diamond pose, the other looked straightforward into the spotlight.

The air was colder here, Opalite noted the unfamiliar sensation (although, there was nothing about their existence that really was _familiar_ ). It was accompanied by an uncomfortable stillness that felt oppressive and maniacal at the same time, as if daring the fusion to do something but hinting at the deadly consequences that would follow.

Standing under the spotlight, they studied the details of the room as best they could. The floor beneath them was a similar navy tone to the floor of Steven’s holding cell, but it stretched into blackness. The room must have been large, given the door frame and the echoes of their footfalls when they approached. Opalite was pretty sure the room was circular or canonical, but they weren’t sure how exactly they knew that. Perhaps from Holly Blue’s familiarity with the ship? It reminded Steven of the pits that Romans would fight in that he had seen in movies.

Eventually, there was a commanding voice that made the fusion quiver in fear, the first time they felt at harmony. “Present your gemstone and your weapons.”

Yellow Diamond that spoke down at them, her voice ringing from above. There was no ounce of amusement in her tone.

“Yes, My Diamond.” The words felt dirty on his tongue, but Steven found some satisfaction in the notes of sarcasm in their strange voice.

Opalite snickered slightly but complied with the command. She turned around to reveal the gem on the back of neck and withdrew a whip, electricity tingling the part-human fingertips that gripped its base. The weight was familiar yet troubling, Opalite not sure what to do with the strange weapon in her hands. There was a desire to punish, yes, but something didn’t feel right.

_Wait, punish?_

“Holly Blue Agate, My Diamond.” Opalite dipped their head to better reveal the gemstone to the room.

The demonstration continued before Steven could grapple with their earlier cryptic thought. Next, Opalite formed a brilliant pink shield in spite of all Steven’s resistance. It was two against one, really, Opalite’s own presence growing strong with each passing minute. There was a low gasp in the room followed by chattering, a reaction they expected. The Rose Quartz shield had gotten Steven in trouble multiple times, although never quite like this.

They lowered the shield to their side and gestured at a tear in the fabric of their dress, revealing their naval. “And… Rose Quartz.” Their voice was hard and flat.

The room erupted into suspicious chatter, watching the abomination before them draw not one weapon but two, and to brandish _that_ symbol in _this_ place…

“I am Opalite, My Diamond.” Then, their arms came together in a flash of light.

The air crackled with electricity, hushing the chatty room, the atrocity of gemstsone and human and Rose Quartz having expected some outrage but, needless to say, no one had expected this. Whoever was in the room surely knew of the rebellion’s disregard for Homeworld’s rules about cross-fusion, but seeing something like this in-person was an entirely different story.

Opalite said nothing, simply standing under the spotlight, squinting in an attempt to make out their audience to no avail. The shield and whip had disappeared, replaced by a lethal morning star in their hands. The base was blue and longer than the grip of Holly Blue’s whip with a pink electric current connecting the base to a deadly spiked pink. It was top-heavy, the ball and spikes as large as Steven’s shield, but it more greatly resembled his bubble in this form with the Rose Quartz symbol engraved in blue beneath the spikes. Though Opalite had chosen to adopt a noncombatant stance, arms at their sides, the spikey end of the morning star crackled violently with electric energy against the floor.

There was nothing but the hissing of electricity-against-floor as the fusion looked outwards at nothingness, a stunned room staring down at them beyond their vision, intrigued and disturbed and unsure of what to make of their scandalous presence.

A familiar voice finally broke the stretching silence. “Well, are you satisfied, Yellow?” It was Blue Diamond, and she sounded absolutely furious, her voice seething. It was void of all the somber and lamenting qualities she had used when speaking about Pink Diamond the last time Steven had been in her presence.

“No… There is one final thing. As a reward for the loyalty shown by this Agate, I have agreed to grant her a special request. Guards, come forward.”

There was a shuffling sound but no one spoke. At first, Steven had been prepared to be hauled off somewhere once again, thankful that he would at least be released from this fusion – any physical prison would be better than this, but he had been mistaken. Instead, another beam of light appeared from the above, illuminating more of the room and revealing a long line of gems standing next to each other, cuffed in the same fashion he had been only an hour before and chained together at the ankle.

Opalite gasped, too overwhelmed by Steven’s surprise to stifle the instinct. There was at least a dozen Amethysts, Jaspers and even a few Carnelians standing about twenty feet in front of them. They all looked downcast, not looking at each other, not looking at Opalite, not looking at anything but their feet and the ground beneath them. There was such a sickening surge of emotions within the fusion at the sight of them, so sudden and intense that they almost became undone. They grunted in pain, Opalite shining brightly under the spotlight, but Holly Blue Agate forced them back together with her brute strength. Though stable, the emotions still made all three of them sick – companionship, hatred, trust, contempt, bloodlust and rage, appreciation,… it was even worse than when they first stood up and even when they saw their reflection. _Now_ Steven understood what was happening, and his inner self began to cry and struggle with renowned might as the fusion raged internally.

Holly Blue’s charade, the parts of her mind she kept tightly under lock and key, had broken at the sight of those that stood before them. It should have been obvious – why draw a weapon? Why had they felt the urge to punish earlier? Steven’s heart would have beaten out of his chest if their body were able.

_I am going to shatter them all._

“After all, Blue, we know how much Rose _loves_ shattering. Almost as much as she loves Earth. Dealing with these traitors should be a breeze for her, compared to a Diamond.” Blue Diamond could be heard releasing a small sob but did not protest. They could not be seen from beyond the two lights, but the edges of a raised platform could now be seen. Something told them that the Diamonds were seated above, perhaps the way their voices carried in the room, looking down at the show like a disturbing display at a carnival. This was just an act, a game, the Diamonds onlookers and Steven their puppet.

_No, no. Please stop this! I’ll do anything, please… Just don’t. Don’t hurt them._

A stream of tears flowed from Opalite’s many eyes, overcome with the boy’s grief. Their mind flashed with earnest memories, hearing the way his Amethyst laughed when they picked her up, the way they made her feel confident and like she belonged – like she _really_ belonged for the first time. The way all of them had helped them to escape, kind and goofy. How _mad_ he been, how deep his denial had felt, when he heard his mother had shattered Pink Diamond. When Bismuth tried to force him to shatter her… then, the way she turned the Breaking Point on him, prepared to end his life… just, _please,_ he thought. Anything but shattering, this was wrong. So, so wrong.

_We will be the one’s shattered to against the orders of a Diamond._

_Fine, go ahead and shatter me then! I don’t care! Just stop this!_

_Don’t you see by now? It’s not that easy. It doesn’t matter if you beg. They want this. They **want** you to suffer._

No one spoke, all eyes on the fusion as they madly gripped their head and tried to keep themselves from coming undone.

“Enough!” It was the ringing voice of Holly Blue Agate coming from his mouth but the tears kept flowing, rolling unceremoniously from their cheeks. The urge to protect was ultimately outweighed by the urge to attack, so the blue figure beneath one spotlight slowly picked up one foot and then another as she approached the stretch of gems that had slighted her and saved him.

Gritting their teeth, Opalite kept moving until they were right in front of the Famethyst.

“I’m… sorry… it’s – ” was all that they managed before violently bringing their morningstar down upon the first in line, a Skinny Jasper, who had just shut her eyes and braced herself as her form was crushed under the ball and chain’s mighty weight. She poofed, electrical currents buzzing as a gentle _pop_ and a puff of smoke released her from her physical form.

The whole group of Jaspers, Amethysts and Carnelians were looking at them now, too curious and horrified to look away. Many of them had all only seen a cross-fusion execute their impressive power once (Garnet, when she had punched Holly Blue). Now everything to them was backwards, this fusion that was half Holly Blue Agate, using its force against them. While the others watched on, Opalite rested a small foot upon the top of the gemstone as it clinked onto the ground in a sick sort of victory position. Then, a moment later, the Jasper exploded into dust and shards, flinging outward in every direction.

_No. No no no, this can’t be real, this can’t be happening._

Every part of Steven’s being wanted to bend down and bubble the shards, send them back to the Temple, keep them safe, protect them from these monsters. But now wasn’t he a monster, too? Maybe he could one day heal her, apologize for everything, reunite her with the others that stood in front of him now. A childish part of himself tried to reason out how he would explain _this_ to the Crystal Gems. That he had poofed Bismuth, so important to them, because she wanted to shatter gems… and now _he_ was the one shattering gems. They would be so disappointed, he knew. He pictured them all standing in the Burning Room, his hands shamefully wrapped around a bubble filled with iridescent orange shards, trying to somehow explain that he didn’t have a choice, he didn’t mean to, he never wanted this…

Steven continued to do the only thing he could, trying desperately to splinter the connection that bound him to Holly Blue Agate, only for her to hold him back twice as hard. Is _this_ what Malachite had been like? He couldn’t help but think of Lapis and how she cringed at the mention of Jasper’s name, after all this time.

Things had reached a breaking point for them now, the legs of Opalite quivering while Steven struggled for his freedom. The boy’s identity may as well have been the shattered gem at their feet, not knowing what to think or feel or believe anymore. The world around them moved in slow motion, as if his brain wanted to carefully catalogue everything that was happening, not wanting to miss a single detail of the worst moment of his life: trapped in a body he couldn’t control, his emotions and thoughts at the whim of this thing they had become, his existence totally at mercy of the Diamonds, who loomed threateningly just behind his vision, puppeteering them around as they smashed gems beneath their feet, as if Skinny Jasper hadn’t even been worthy of a second blow from their weapon…

Opalite was sobbing openly now, shaking violently and body shifting hideously as face eyes and torso melted in opposite directions, but their arms were stable enough to raise the weapon a second time.

_Please… just… no more._

With another sickening crack, the morning star came crashing down upon an Amethyst this time, her eyes _so_ much like the Amethyst he loved back home, making contract directly with gemstone embedded in her cheek. The poof and shattering were simultaneous as Opalite ravaged another victim.

“No!” a voice echoed in the silence of room, Opalite dropped their weapon and clutched their head in agony. Steven felt like he was ripping up his own skin, daggers digging into his brain and cattle prods burning his eyelids. Then, there was a brilliant flash of light and the boy flew opposite of Holly Blue Agate and collapsed weakly onto the floor. Opalite had vanished, but their pain and hopeless had melded into Steven’s body as he slipped quickly into unconsciousness, looking up at the amazed faces of the Amethysts and other guards that looked down at him, teary eyed and stunned.


	14. Checkmate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven plays metaphorical chess with a worthy opponent.

Steven was legitimately surprised that he woke up. Not that he was _necessarily_ surprised by where or what was going on when he opened his eyes (that would come later), but that he woke up at all. His final thought before blacking out was that he would definitely, _definitely_ be killed as soon as he hit the floor, probably by Yellow Diamond, her malice and hatred for him clear as day. It was very bright as he blinked into awareness, trying to get a sense of his surroundings. There was no noise except the shifting of his body as he raised himself up into a sitting position.

The memories of before he passed out came rushing back, hitting him hard. He looked around desperately at the floor, looking for any sign of a shard, lifting his hands to his face to make sure they were his own. Small, pale peach-colored fingers waved in his vision, not blue, and only two. As he continued to study his hands, lingering on his engraved wrist, he realized that it was unusually bright, not like the sun through his window at the beach house or the soft blue glow that bathed his holding cell. No, this light was white and sharp, so bright that he couldn’t see the floor beyond his private little circle, like a spotlight…

_Oh no. No, no, no…_

He hadn’t been hauled off to his cell, or shattered, poofed, thrown into space or sent to some sort of Homeworld torture room. No, he was in the very same room, but this time, there was no one here except for him. No voices muttered secretively in the background, no Amethysts quivering in front of him, no Holly Blue Agate in his brain, no Opalite, terrifying and deadly and… The thoughts made his stomach turn, and he grasped his head and pulled himself into a little ball.

_I shattered two gems. The Skinny Jasper, from the Beta Kindergarten… and an Amethyst. Just like his Amethyst, silly and kind-hearted… Gone._

Every essence of his being hurt thinking about it and his body caught up to speed with his tortured thoughts. Breathing accelerated and eyes filling with tears, Steven’s heart sank deep into his stomach. He wanted to throw up, but his stomach was too empty to sacrifice any food or liquid to accommodate his gag reflex. With no ability to really physically react, Steven coughed up bile from his stomach as he gripped himself harder. How could this have happened?

 _Why couldn’t I fight back, why am I so weak…_ He felt like a ghost had reached out to examine his fingers, flexing them one by one, remembering the tingling of the handle of the morning star, electric but not harmful to their hand. They had – he, _he_ had felt that sensation before, when he walked through the gates of the Hand Ship or through grabbed Peridot’s destabilizer.

_I’m Steven. My memories. Not Opalite – Steven._

Unable or unwilling to move, he sat and buried his face into his knees, crying and occasionally coughing up more bile, not sure what to do, not sure where to go. This would be the best time to try to escape, he wagered, but he didn’t know where he would go. Even if he could escape, could he ever go home? How could he face the Gems, or his Dad, or Connie again? Why didn’t they just kill him when they unfused?

Each breath felt like acid against his dry throat as Steven sat there heaving, and he thought about the possibility of throwing himself into space, if he could only find an exit…

“You’re awake.”

Steven yelped in alarm, not expecting anyone else to be here. It had been quiet for so long that he couldn’t believe someone had been sitting there with him, patiently waiting for him to wake up. How long had he been out? On top of the surprise, it was a voice they knew – _he_ knew, but he was too delirious to place it at this moment. He was Steven, not Opalite. Steven, not Opalite. He was breathing heavily now, in the throes of a panic attack as his eyes darted around the room wildly.

 _Steven, not Opalite. Steven, not Opalite_. He kept repeating the phrase in his head, raising his hands to his face again to be sure. His chest heaved as he struggled to take in adequate air, shivering in the isolation that was his well-lit island in the sea of darkness.

“It’s Steven, right?” The voice said again. It echoed in the room, soft but knowing. It had been phrased as a question, but there was too much knowledge behind the melodic voice for it to have been real curiosity. Whoever it was, they were just baiting him to speak.

Fully aware that Homeworld gems do not react to silence or lies very well, Steven resolved to simply nodding his head while he continued to study his hands, making sure it was really just him and his own mind.

It felt like he had a cold, but one that had nestled its way into its brain. Every thought was his own but he didn’t feel like himself anymore, so that offered little comfort. It sounded like _his_ voice in his head but each thought echoed with the presence of Holly Blue Agate, vengeful and angry. But he wasn’t angry, was he? He was Steven, wasn’t he?

“I thought so. Do you know who I am?” The voice was speaking to him gently, soothing. There was also something else there – suspicion, maybe?

He felt around his navel, checking his gemstone, and felt the back of his neck, too. The sensation was all wrong, where there was supposed to be a gemstone on his neck was nothing but flesh, sticky from sweat and poor hygiene.

_No, that’s right. I’m Steven, only one gemstone. Not Opalite, Steven._

At this point the struggle was becoming overwhelming, coughing violently into the nothingness. His feelings were impossible for him to describe because he couldn’t even trust his own mind. But he was incredibly aware that he was being spoken to, and he was desperately trying to focus. If he was going to come up with an answer to the question, he needed to put his emotions in check and set them aside, at least for now.

Racking his brain, he came up with another memory of Garnet explaining how Sapphire and Ruby first met.

_Because of Ruby's impulsive gesture, she suddenly jumped the track of fate, and everything from that instant on was wrong, and new. She couldn't see, she couldn't move. She was... frozen._

When Ruby and Sapphire descended from the sky arena, how the blue gem was too transfixed with the future unfolding before her, watching it all be rewritten… Steven thought this was like that, sort of, but instead of a world of new possibilities, his world felt like it was shrinking. The past felt tainted, uncomfortable, not him anymore. And his future? That felt like it had been erased, rather than replaced. What future could he have, someone who was too weak to stop Holly Blue, someone who shatters gems…

_Breath in, out. You’re Steven, not Opalite. Focus, Steven._

Trying to fixate on one sensation at a time, Steven started with the obvious ones: pain. First, he noted the ache in his throat from dehydration – a sensation he has come to expect, just made worse by the coughing. Still curled in on himself, he traced the inside of one wrist with his fingers, not looking but _feeling_ the diamond insignia on his raised skin. In addition to the general pangs of soreness he felt all over his body, Steven realized he felt hot and he was covered in sweat despite the room being cold, probably feverish from what just happened and what would happen next. To think that the Crystal Gems and the others were out there somewhere, probably trying to find him or working on a rescue plan. He didn't _deserve_ to be rescued, not after this. Maybe that was all the torture Homeworld had planned for him, maybe he would be dead soon… Maybe he would never have to think about Holly Blue Agate again.

The voice repeated itself, a bit more sharply this time. “Do you know who I am, Steven?”

The hybrid had almost regained enough composure to speak, but not quite. He just needed to be able to focus _a bit_ more and he knew he could find the answer the question…

While the silence continued to stretch on, Steven thought about what he _did_ know. He was aware that his shirt was entirely shredded at this point, the star insignia that he once so proudly sported barely recognizable. His flip-flops were gone, probably abandoned in his cell. He wasn’t alone, and he was Steven, not Opalite. Yes, Steven, not Opalite. Finally, running quickly out of things he knew at this point, he returned to the question, thinking hard. He _knew_ he recognized that voice, but who…? Suddenly, his head flew up in recognition, looking around for the speaker.

He nodded, gulping hard on the lump in his throat.

“Good.” It was the icy voice of Blue Diamond, melodic and deadly, bouncing off the walls and making it impossible to trace. They… he… was sure the Diamonds had been in front of him on a raised platform, but now his sense of space extended outwards into nothingness, lost in the black room. What had been in front of them might as well be behind him, for all he knew.

“Do you know why you’re here?”

His first reaction was to shake his head, reverting to his disbelief that he was still alive, but after a moment he paused. No, he knew exactly why he was here.

He nodded and spoke for the first time. It was so weak, barely a whisper, his mouth dry and sticky. “Pink Diamond…”

As suddenly as he answered, a metallic clanking sound resonated throughout the room. He tensed in response to the sudden noise, only to yell in fear when something grabbed his ankles. At first he thought they were cold hands, the remains of an Amethyst or Jasper crawling up to him, begging for him to stop.

It wasn’t hands, though, but advanced-looking blue chains. Steven normally would not be relieved by the thought of his legs being shackled together, but anything was better than what he envisioned; fresh tears had sprung to his eyes at the mental image. The chains did not feel like metal, but they were cold, like everything else in this never ending nightmare.

The room was silent as he studied his bondage. It made him feel like he really was in a zoo this time, secured so he couldn’t hurt the guests but on display enough to be entertaining. The longer he thought about it, he wasn’t sure if he was truly alone with Blue Diamond, or if there were other onlookers, staring at him, studying him like a science experiment gone wrong, like an abomination that needed to be contained, like a cross-fusion, like Opalite…

_No, you’re Steven. You’re Steven. Steven, not Opalite._

The voice in his head wasn’t fully reassuring, so he lifted a hand to feel the back of his head. What had once been a bloody, sticky mess had dried and become greasy, but he could feel the scabbing that formed under his hair where he had made contact with the wall in his home.

_Human, blood. See? Calm down… Gems don’t bleed, you’re not trapped anymore…_

Blue Diamond spoke to him again, bringing Steven back to the conversation. Her voice was thick with sorrow. “Yes, Pink. My sister. My best friend… But that’s not what I meant.”

Steven just looked around for the massive ruler, unable to see anything beyond the small shadow casted by his light. Thinking it best not to probe as to what _exactly_ she meant, he just continued to sit and wait.

There was another oppressive silence before Steven heard some shifting fabric in the silence. She raised the lights to reveal an oval-shaped room, countless shades of blue around the walls. The half-gem’s eyes squinted as they adjusted to the fully lit room, trying to make sense of, well, wherever he was. It was the first time he had a moment to study what was around him that weren’t just the walls of his cell. His attention at first was drawn to the tremendous array of blue that patterned the every surface except the floor in tiny diamonds, stretching up the walls and columns like a blue-tinted rainbow. Every color of blue you could imagine decorated the space, beautiful and calm as it spread up the walls and to the ceiling. He also noticed that the room was completely flat, and what had once felt like a pit at the bottom of arena was now just long plane of navy beneath him, with one giant exception.

Blue Diamond was seated about 30 yards to his left with the appearance of utter royalty, and she was seated in a massive chair that could only have been a throne. It was as geometric as the rest of Homeworld’s technology, but it framed her dignified presence perfectly. Steven grimaced at the sight of her, but if she noticed, she did not react. Her head was simply tilted to one side, resting her chin on the palm of her giant yet delicate hand. At her feet was a wisp of a Pearl, blue and pensive, eyes hidden behind her bangs, and another gem… Steven squinted as he studied the figure, only to realize it was the same orange gem that he had encountered on Earth. Tall (although a dwarf to Blue Diamond) with long features and a nearly-shaved head, she was poised and her pale orange skin stood out in the surrounding depths of blues. It felt like eons ago that he was hiding in the rafters from her, waiting for the Gems to warp in any minute.

Steven jumped backwards as Blue Diamond raised her other hand, but she did not make to smash him. He studied it warily, expecting something horrible to happen, only to be surprised as she gently lowered it back to her side. As the hand came down, Steven saw a shifting in the corner of his eye and turned to inspect the source, only to gasp. The very ground beneath him began to vanish, once an opaque navy (the color of virtually every floor he’s seen on the ship) became translucent. It faded out slowly at first, but by the time Blue Diamond had completely lowered her hand, Steven felt like he was sitting over glass. An ocean of darkness, illuminated by stars and passing asteroids, moons and suns and other planets, all shining into the above room, twinkling and exploding into every conceivable color all around him.

Steven was totally awe-struck at the beauty of it all, gazing in wonder as the stars danced against the million diamonds far above his head, before those same stars zoomed past, only to be replaced by countless new combinations of colors and shifting constantly like a disco ball. It was nothing short of magnificent, creating a kaleidoscope-esqe room that brought a ballet of light to life around him.

While the moment was striking, it also made Steven feel even worse than he had. Everything was moving too fast, his senses unable to keep up with the dazzling colors and shapes swirling in and out of view before his mind could properly fixate on any of them, creating a dizzying sensation that made his head spin.

“You see, Steven,” the Diamond spoke to him. He spun to face her and continued to curl inwards on himself, trying and failing to ignore the dazzling illuminations that played off every surface.

“I spared your life. After what happened, Yellow was prepared to shatter you. To know once and for all that _the_ Rose Quartz was… And at first I wanted it, too.” Her voice was slow, thoughtful as she spoke.

“But then I thought, what would that accomplish? You humans have such short lives, your death would be inconsequential on the scale of time. And I have spent thousands of years mourning her. All of that, for what? My Agate says you are fourteen? Fourteen years in exchange for her?”

Steven scooted back, no longer feeling trapped in his circle of light once the expanse of space opened around him but trapped in the gaze of the Diamond seated before him. He wasn’t retreating over the fact that she was threatening him, her mighty presence reigning over his comparatively tiny one – no, he had expected that the moment he recognized her voice. It was the mention of Holly Blue Agate he was not ready to think about, not yet. And to know he was fourteen _exactly_ , that had to be a part of his mind that was no longer just his, but a memory and thought that she extracted from their shared consciousness. It hurt to think about, his eyes spilling over tears as he hugged himself closer. What else had they stolen from his mind? Was anything he thought safe anymore?

The room continued to spin as he sat there terrified, and he felt like he was supposed to say something, but he couldn’t concentrate. His mind was fading again, back to that voice that sounded like his own and alien at the same time, the way all of the colors created a beautiful shimmery effect, like a gemstone, like the ones Opalite had smashed…

Blue Diamond continued once he said nothing, readjusting herself so that she leaned forward slightly towards him.

“And then there’s another problem… You aren’t _the_ Rose Quartz, are you? No more than any other cut of the same gemstone. You are, but you aren’t. You’re a gem, but you’re not. A human, but you’re not. Your entire existence… it’s a paradox, isn’t it, Steven?”

She withdrew her hood, fully revealing her lovely face. Her eyes looked sad, blue orbs shining like the glittering room around them, but her voice almost sounded amused.

“Yellow says I’m crazy, you know, to keep you alive. But I think it is better this way. If you really turn out to be a problem, we can always dispose of you later, but right now, I want to _understand_ you. You’re much more valuable alive. Human and gem, like this, it’s… not natural.” She paused for a moment, reclining back into her throne, looking sympathetic. At this point, Blue Diamond might as well have been alone in her chambers, musing to herself for all the care she gave the others in the room. There were questions in her eyes as she studied the tiny, fragile oddity that hugged itself below her.

“No… by all means, you are not _natural_ … But you _are_ special, aren’t you, Steven?”

The question had been addressed to him, but he didn’t think he could respond even if he wanted to. He just felt confused, dizzy, thirsty…

Blue Diamond’s voice echoed throughout the room again, but Steven couldn’t make clear sense of the words. The mixture of sensations had become too much for him once again, his human body unable to keep up with the constancy of Homeworld’s agenda. Question. Answer. Go here. Eat this. This way. Question. Answer… It was constant push and shove towards whatever they wanted, and he was always being dragged behind.

Instead of a response, all he could do is grip his head and release a few deep breaths, his nerves shocked from his downward spiral… _the lights, the fusion, the questions, a paradox, Rose Quartz, human, everything’s blue, he was blue, they were blue, the morning star, the dust and shards…_ He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, fighting to dispel the misery that had rattled his brain, trying to focus. Whatever Blue Diamond was saying to him, surely it was important.

The three other gems in the room watched him struggle, which only made him feel worse. All he wanted was to wrap his arms around Pearl’s dainty frame, _his_ Pearl, none of these Homeworld clones. He wanted to flop his body down into the softness of Garnet’s bouncy hair and watch her adjust her glasses mysteriously. And Amethyst… could he even face her after what he’s done? Could they ever just eat pizza, play video games, get donuts like before? All he could visualize was the look on the Amethyst’s face here with the gemstone on her cheek, standing in a row, her haunting expression before she turned into nothing but dust and shards and pain…

“Pearl,” Blue Diamond had called her to attention. They exchanged no words and Steven was not looking at them, so he wondered what was happening during their silent exchange, but he couldn’t indulge his curiosity. He had really begun to panic; his brain felt like it had ignited, his heart beat racing in his chest, his lungs struggling. He knew he should try to take deep breaths, steady himself by focusing on something, like Garnet had taught him, but he couldn’t help it. He took quick, shallow breaths that only made his head hurt worse. Overwhelmed, he continued to lock his eyes together even tighter, fighting to remain conscious. He _would not_ pass out again, not in this room, in front of these gems. It was too important; he needed to hear this conversation out.

No one spoke for several minutes, but Steven flinched when he was touched by a hard, cold hand. It was Blue Pearl, kneeling in front of him, offering for him to stand up. He felt the impulse to draw himself away, wanting never to touch the hand of another Homeworld gem, but he resigned to grab her outstretched wrist instead, gritting his teeth. The Pearl’s expression did not change as she helped him stand, but she withdrew her arm quickly to her side once he was steady.

His fetters clattered loudly as he shifted to a standing position. “Are you alright?” The Pearl’s voice was softer, less threatening than that of a Diamond, but she was still a Homeworld gem; Steven thought it best not to accept their sympathy.

“Y-yes. But I… the floors…?” He didn’t even know how to explain it.

_No, I’m not alright. I’d be “alright” if you made this insanity stop, send me home and end this nightmare. Can you tell me what this is on my wrist? What happened to the other Amethysts and Jaspers and Carnelians, the ones who hadn’t been hurt? Why would you even condone fusion like that here, isn’t it forbidden? Can you just leave me and the Earth alone? How was Holly Blue Agate even able to fuse with me? Why couldn’t I break free, resist her… why, why, why?_

He had begun to regulate his breathing, and despite his anger, he was thankful Blue Pearl had interrupted his panic attack. Her stone-cold touch had shocked him back from his thoughts, giving him a sensation to focus on, trying to calm down…

Closing his eyes and taking several more deep breaths, Steven tried to explain a second time. He had questions, too, but he decided to start small. “The floor. It’s – it’s making me dizzy. I don’t think gems have that feeling, but it feels like your head hurts – hurts so much that you can’t focus on anything. Maybe like having a minor crack? Could you turn it back to normal?” He had turned his head in the general direction of Blue Diamond, but kept his eyes closed, trying to breath in and out, in and out.

He had thought about saying please, minding the manners _his_ Pearl had taught him, but he couldn’t bring himself to show courtesy right now.

In response to his request, Blue Diamond arched an eyebrow suspiciously. He must recognize that he was in no position to be making requests, especially not to her directly, but she could sense his pain; it was deep and drowning. This thought made her frown – for him to be useful, he had to be in a functional condition. She had staged this discussion with some careful aid, and she needed the hybrid to see it all the way through.

Studying the boy’s pale body, ripped shirt and completely disheveled appearance, Blue Diamond decided it best to grant his request, for now. She would have to regroup with the others, check with White Diamond…

She returned the floor to normal after a pause, raising one of her majestic hands. This time, the whole room was lit regularly, floor returned to navy. Blue Pearl returned diligently to the Diamond’s side.

“You do not like the universe?”

“I do, it’s just… it would require a lot of human explanation.” Steven was annoyed that she hadn’t returned to the more important discussion, the one he had fought to be lucid for.

“A pity.”

She must have been expecting him to explain, for him to have made such a gesture of standing up, steadying himself against a normal, lifeless floor. There was distrust in her eyes, skeptical of his motives.

Steven decided to speak carefully, but truthfully. “Listen… I just, I miss my home. I miss my family. I’m not like gems, I need rest to feel better. Like regenerating, but for a human body. All of that, all of _this.._. Look, you must know by now, from what you said earlier, that I’m not my mom. I can’t undo what she did.” Blue Diamond’s face had become stoic.

“I just… if there’s something I can do to put this all behind us, can I go home? Whatever I’m here for… if I help, can I go back to Earth, and can you leave the Crystal Gems alone? I just…” he choked up a bit at the end, unable to help himself.

“I just want to go home.”

The orange gem and Blue Pearl standing at the Diamond’s feet looked absolutely stunned, eyes shifting nervously between the two. Not only did the hybrid have an utter disregard for courtesy, but what was he possibly hoping to accomplish? How could he be so foolish?

Blue Diamond looked down at him, thinking. The grand gem considered what he said seriously, attuned to his emotional distress, thinking of how this might play out. She didn’t want to grant him the satisfaction of thinking he had was in any place to bargain with her. She could kill him now, easily, and the Crystal Gems, too. When the hybrid would try to protest, she had planned to haul him back to his cell when he refused to accept her terms, and now he was agreeing to do whatever she asked, simple as that? She had not accounted for this possibility.

There was no way for her to be certain, and she did not owe any promises to a traitor… but this could play to her advantage. Another option, the same outcome, but with the possibility of being even more devastating?  But at what cost…

Finally, after an extended, stuffy silence, Blue Diamond spoke slowly, choosing her words with care. “I think you are… underestimating your own value. I could grant you passage to your home, but there is a target on your head. Even if I commanded every single gem under my control to stand down, there are still some who would rather go rogue and murder you or the other rebels for what you’ve done. That’s to say nothing of what those outside of my control would want to do. Vengeance runs cold, and vengeance runs deep amongst our race. If, that is, they learn Rose Quartz exists. But to them right now, you are Steven. _You_ could return, but there would be a price. They – I – require… closure.”

A voice, wicked and not his own, replayed in his memory: _Don’t you see by now? It doesn’t matter if you beg. They want this. They want you to suffer._

“Do you understand, Steven?”

And he did. He understood perfectly. Maybe he had always understood, but had buried it with his hopes for a semi-normal life, refusing to accept the truth.

They need closure. They probably want this to end just as much as he did, thinking of the agony in Blue Diamond’s voice back when he overheard her at the zoo, the overwhelming tears that flooded his eyes when he had first been in her presence, and even Yellow Diamond’s emotional song as they mourned Pink Diamond. His Mom had done so much... But his mom was gone, Homeworld’s opportunity for closure slipping through their fingers with the rest of the Crystal Gems. They had lost someone dear to them. The price for her life had to be repaid, in full.

Steven spoke, finally, four words that broke him.

“It’s me, or them.” It wasn’t a question.

Blue Diamond hid her face once again under her hood, leaning back.

“A pity.”

Steven thought such a prospect should be scary, but it wasn’t. Honestly, all he felt was numbness. He didn’t want to die necessarily, although recent events made him question that notion, but he recognized that his life and his friends beyond value to him. But that was the paradox – _he_ was the paradox. His life or his friends, the only thing he had left to bargain with.

“What would happen?” he mumbled, not looking at any of them.

Blue Diamond paused for a moment, considering. “You would not be killed, at least, not for a long time. The others – your _Crystal_ _Gems_ – are nothing compared to the value of Rose Quartz in the eyes of Homeworld. They would be forgotten as quickly as your capture is announced. They could continue their life on Earth, but they must leave well enough alone.”

Steven thought he understood what she was getting at, but he had to be sure. “Leave well enough alone… You mean they need to stay away from Homeworld.” He clenched his fist, as if it would help.

“They need to stay away from _you_. My Sapphires tell me that they plan an attack, although they are not sure when and how. There are too many possibilities. Alas, in none of them do they survive.”

That was it, then. The cards were dealt, the match was set. Checkmate, Homeworld. If he tried to run, escape, or return to Earth, they would all become targets by Homeworld gems seeking revenge for Pink Diamond; if he was _allowed_ to go back to Earth, it would be at the cost of his family, the supporters of Rose Quartz, his short life an exchange for the many thousands of years they resisted; if he stayed, they would try to rescue him and be killed anyways, unless they stayed away. His life alone of fourteen years was not commensurate with the Crystal Gem’s rebellious actions, but being kept alive “for a long time” would be. Maybe they would torture him, or maybe make him into some kind of slave? Would they try to make him fuse again? That thought made him feel sick. Before, his guard was down but if he was prepared to resist… But it didn’t matter, the longer he thought about it. This was the only option where the Gems lived and Homeworld would leave the Earth alone.

Steven nodded in understanding. He really didn’t have a choice.

Blue Diamond’s voice regained its soothing quality. “Very well. Heliodor,” the orange gem snapped to attention.

“Please act as an escort. Take Steven to his cell and await further instruction. Pearl,” the Diamond need not finish the command, her Pearl already moving towards a door behind the throne. She began to work a panel with thin blue fingers.

Then, just like that, Steven’s ankles were freed from their blue bonds. Heliodor, he presumed, was approaching him as he just stood in the room middle of the large, oval room. Unable to help himself, Steven just started laughing, relief and sadness and surprise washing over him and throwing him into hysterics. He was laughing and laughing and laughing. Heliodor ignoring him as she pushed him roughly out the door with her long hands.

_How long has it been since I’ve been here, and it took this long for me to learn this stupid orange gem’s name? Before Heliodor, life was so simple. No Holly Blue Agate. No Opalite. No Blue Diamond. No Lilac Pearl, or Apatite, or the blue cell or the insufficient meals or my wrist, scarred by Homeworld... But that was all before I shattered gems._

Now he was Steven, not Opalite, and he had shattered gems, and he made deals with Diamonds.

 _Heliodor. Heliodor._ The boy didn’t even care that his futuristic handcuffs were returned to his hands as soon as they passed through the door, his eyes just watching the receding figure of Blue Diamond exit the room from afar.

They went down many hallways, neither saying a word. They must have been walking for at least twenty minutes and the halls had only turned a few shades darker. Steven’s feet had begun to hurt from all of the walking, which he found ironic, given that he’s done nothing but sit since he’s been here, save today.

Lost in thought, Steven couldn’t decide how to feel. There was relief and anxiety, sadness and freedom, complacency and solitude, sinister intent and unforgivable mistakes… and all of it jumbled together in his brain. Eventually, he looked down at his own bare feet, shuffling along the navy floor, and decided he would settle on feeling thankful. If nothing else, he was certainly glad to feel the cold, solid metal beneath his feet, no celestial glass looking down into the cosmos.

Absently, Steven wondered if the Earth or even the Sun had passed beneath him while he sat atop the universe. How far away was he from home? Was it nighttime on Earth? Maybe Connie had been looking up into the sky while he looked down at floor, unable to see each other across the stars. Maybe, at this very moment, her heart was also aching, knowing they would never see each other again.


	15. It's Over, Isn't It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot understand irony, the barn is surprised with pizza, and Pearl spills some juice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading along everyone! As of Chapter 14, we broke 50,000 words. Wow. I appreciate all of the comments you leave for me, they make me really question my choices as a writer. I appreciate you!

The ninth and tenth day came and went without much change on Earth. Lapis was still absent, her location unknown even by Sapphire. The ocean gem was moving too quickly and going nowhere in particular, so she was nearly impossible to track. The best information Sapphire could give them was that she hadn’t landed on solid ground and had no real intention to do so, her water wings carrying in search of a destination she would never find. The troubled blue gem was simply moving, following the arch of the sun in the sky, never quite reaching it before the moon would reveal itself on the other end of the Earth. As for why she fled, Sapphire and Connie acted oblivious.

And they all worried, but none more so than Peridot. Why did she leave? Did she give up? Certainly there was something that Connie and Lapis must know that was different than what Sapphire had told everyone else – Steven was gone, taken by Homeworld, in space, the Blue Arm Ship – that was all information they had guessed anyways. Just the day before, Peridot thought they had really connected over their fears for Steven in the clutches of Homeworld, and the green gem thought that they were stronger for having shared their feelings. What had changed?

_She didn’t even say goodbye…_

All of the ninth day, the human girl and Sapphire were both tense, keeping their distance from everyone (including each other). Peridot was pretty sure she heard Connie crying in the night and the whispers of Pearl to calm her down, but the exchange had been so quiet part of her thought she had imagined it.

_Was Lapis out there crying too, but alone? She can’t be gone forever, she’s going to come back. Right?_

In spite of all the company, the barn felt empty to Peridot. Pumpkin would rest with her at night, snuggling into her side in the hammock, which was painfully vacant without Lapis. During the day, their energetic orange companion would bark at the second floor balcony, waiting for Lapis to come down from watching TV or reading something. But she never turned on the TV, never came down, never said goodbye…

Around the barn, it was a bustle of activity. Now that Sapphire explained some more specific details, they could more adequately prepare and develop a plan. The prophetic gem informed them that their odds weren’t good, but that they had to try, and no one disagreed. So, day-in and day-out Peridot was working on more adjustments to perfect her gemstone fortification modifications (gem-mods, for short) for each Crystal Gem. Additionally, she used Pearl’s illustration of human body to try her best to equip Connie; crafting an armor light enough so as not to slow her down, but to block most of her major organs from direct hits.

The teacher and student duo were tirelessly working, acting as pillars of motivation for each other. When one fell in weakness, the other stood twice as tall for the both of them. During the morning, the pair would work on adjustments to the Ruby ship without Peridot (busy at work on her gem-mods) to make sure it was suitable for long journeys with humans and working on stealth improvements to better their chances of acting covertly in space. At mid-day, the two would break to train (which, Peridot noted, did not really seem like a break). But she didn’t intervene; it was good for them both, the green gem could tell, to stay busy and focus on something other than what might be happening to Steven. Besides ever since her argument in favor of regular sleep and rest from their first days at the barn, most of the others had adopted Connie’s sleep schedule, resting or fully sleeping during the night. They all managed to do this without taking on too much guilt, Sapphire having told them a window of time was not immediate.

Amethyst, much to Peridot’s surprise, was hardly sleeping at all. Knowing the purple gem was accustomed to adopting human needs like eating, she expected Amethyst to be using the designated rest period to recharge like the others. But, the purple gem explained that she _was_ resting, just not sleeping. They had shared a moment when she was fitting Amethyst to her gem-mod.

_Uh, Peri, weird question. Does it make me… a bad person to spy on people?_

_Why would you ask something like that?_

_Cause, geez P-dot, I don’t know. Amethyst crossed her arms and was blushing slightly._

_Well, who have you been watching?_

_It’s… never mind._

_C’mon, now you have to tell me!_

_Fine, whatever. It’s Pearl, but it’s, like, no big deal. It’s not like I’m ‘watching her’ anyways. Just, at night, when she sleeps, she doesn’t mean to but she projects her dreams from her gem. They’re… usually about Ste-man, and its relaxing to me in a different way. You know?_

They were all dealing with Steven’s absence in different ways. Who was she to judge?

_…Yes, I think I do. I don’t think you’re a bad person._

While the others busied themselves, Amethyst was never far from Peridot’s side, more-or-less adopting the role of test subject. After they had the bonding moment during her fitting, Peridot hatched the brilliant plan to employ Amethyst as the perfect candidate to test her gem-mods. By shapeshifting into other gems, everyone else was free to focus on other things while Amethyst’s shapeshifted gemstones wouldn’t be damaged in a misfire or problematic mod. Unable to resist, the two would engage in the occasional “shenanigan,” as Pearl called it, giggling and exchanging jokes as they spent most of the day together.

Ruby and Sapphire were always together, to no ones surprise, but they were also absent from the barn. However, unlike the missing blue gem, everyone knew where they were and when to expect them to return. Because they needed to be ready to leave at any moment, to Sapphire’s suggestion, they had made it their personal project to reassemble the damage to the house and the Temple. That way, when Steven returns to Earth, he can return to the safety of his home. Peridot had given the blue and red gem some spare repairing gel from one of her disabled flask robonoids to help with repairing the warp pad, but that was the best she could do as far as repairs. Although it was getting easier, Peridot couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable speaking to them unfused. She liked _the_ Garnet, not these two – she didn’t _dislike_ them, either, thinking about their performance on the baseball field to protect her, but the green gem acknowledged that she had struggled with friendship since the beginning of her life on Earth. Understanding Garnet had been hard enough, but now she felt like she had to re-learn everything she knew about the Garnet in two separate forms. It wasn’t just an emotional attachment of missing the Garnet, she reasoned, it was simply more rational to have them occupy a singular mind.

And though Peridot was still working on grasp of Earth culture, even she recognized the irony of her justification. Opposite words had once come out of her very own mouth, directed at Garnet, telling her how it made her uncomfortable for her to be permanently fused. How things have changed…

In the present, the tenth day, it was almost night time. Amethyst nudged Peridot in the ribs at a joke she had missed, but the green gem laughed anyways – it was how she was generally supposed to react, as social convention had taught her, when Amethyst would nudge her. Across from them sat Connie and Pearl, both looking fatigued from another day of training and hard work. The human girl was helping herself to some sausages that Pearl had prepared while Amethyst ate the grease, packaging, and a burnt log. The teacher-student pair chatted quietly to each other from across the fire, and by the sound of it, it was about some technicality with swords that Peridot had very little interest in. Peridot was unsurprised when Steven’s pink lion that had appeared a few days ago lumbered towards the group and settled on the ground behind the human girl, curling protectively against her back. Since finding them at the barn, the lion was rather with Connie or nowhere to be seen altogether. As for Ruby and Sapphire, the only others missing (besides the obvious exception of Lapis), they should be returning anytime now, by warp pad if they were lucky, or on foot if they couldn’t finish the repairs today.

They were all working so hard, she thought, and they had a common goal that brought them together. Peridot called herself a clod and rested a face in her hand as the thought came to her, realizing that this was exactly what she had wanted. She had even said the words to Steven, of all people.

_I just miss having something to do with my hands. The time we all spent working on the drill? Despite the fact that I was fearing for my life, it was important to me. It made me **feel** important._

Now, she had gotten what she wanted. They were all together again, and she was working tirelessly to be a valuable member of the team. But, this time, she feared for his life, not her own.

 

* * *

 

Just as she was about to scarf down another log, Amethyst’s ears perked up at the familiar sound of a warp pad activating. The world’s favorite power couple must be back, Amethyst guessed. She figured they must have really pulled out all the stops on the repairs to get it done already, and the purple gem was right. A few moments after the sound hushed, the red and blue gem appeared beyond the nearby hills and they both looked exhausted yet satisfied. Amethyst frowned as she saw how disheveled poor Sapphire looked, the usually dignified gem’s hair even more a mess than her own. She hasn’t rested once since this whole thing started, unable to sleep, too bothered by whatever it is she was seeing in the future.

Ruby began to make herself comfortable, greeting the others, but Sapphire paused. Her face fell into a grimace and pointed into the western trees, where the dirt path led up to the barn.

“There are humans coming. Friends of Steven’s. I’m not sure what they want, but they will be here soon.” Everyone was surprised by the sudden announcement, all glancing nervously at the road and waiting for the sound or lights of a car to approach. Just in case, Amethyst shapeshifted, taking the form of an owl to fly above the others, watchful, careful…

The sight coming up the road surprised her. She heard them before she saw them, but the car became visible from the sky only moments later. There was loud music, something modern and metal-sounding, and a moment later the pizza car appeared with one of the Pizza girls driving – Jenny, maybe? Amethyst recognized her other passengers – Vidalia’s kid and Buck Dewey, and…? There were others crammed in the backseat, but they were more difficult to see behind the driver’s seat.

Either way, Amethyst didn’t really care. Sapphire had been right, they were Steven’s friends, and they certainly weren’t dangerous. She descended back to the ground and took her seat next to Peridot again, returning to her original shape.

“Eh, it’s just the ‘cool kids’ that Steven sometimes hang out with. The ones that Garnet almost punched out when we were looking for Peri.” She winked at the green gem, but her gestured was just returned with a confused look.

Predictably, Peridot vocalized her concern a moment later. “Well, what do they want?”

Amethyst shrugged and inhaled a log in front of her, mouth smoking. “Dunno. Why don’t you ask them?”

Pearl stood up, annoyed, and Connie mirrored her a moment later. “I’m sure they just want to check in since we haven’t been home. Greg did say he was going to update the people in town, it was only a matter of time.”

Gem and human crossed their arms and waited for the car to pull up. It only took about another minute and they arrived, but to Amethyst’s surprise she recognized the people from the Big Donut, Lars and Sadie. She had met them both at least a baker’s dozen times for as often as she would go there with Steven.

The music turned off and the night returned to a chorus of crickets chirping as the group got out of the car, slamming their doors and approaching the fire.

_What do these kids want? This conversation is about to suck, real bad. Ugh…_

Amethyst decided she would let Pearl do the talking, keeping her seat and continuing to chew the wood in her mouth. It was hot and burned her tongue, but in a good way.

“Hey ya’ll.” It was Jenny who spoke, the others following behind her.

“Hello. It’s, Jenny, right? Jenny Pizza?” Pearl’s arms were still crossed, not really inviting them to sit or come closer.

“Yep, and you all know the gang.” She gestured behind her, and Amethyst snickered to herself. No, they didn’t. She was probably the only one who knew all of them.

 

* * *

 

They stood there in silence for a while longer and things quickly turned awkward. Jenny looked behind her at Lars, the kid from the donut shop, and eventually ushered him forward.

Sadie spoke up as Lars hesitated to move, grabbing his hand and dragging him along. “Uh, sorry guys. Mr. Universe, he told us what was going on. We didn’t want to… interrupt, but Lars has something that could be useful? Maybe not, but we figured, heck why not – ” but she was cut off by Lars.

“Let go of me, Sadie! I can speak for myself.” He wrenched his hand away from her, but he was already standing in front of everyone. The Crystal Gems just stared at them, not sure what to make of the unexpected scene unfolding in the orange glow of the fire.

The skinny boy took in a long deep breath, adjusted the hair that fell over his face, and began speaking hastily. Connie suspected he was nervous to be the center of attention.

“Yeah, so uh, Steven’s dad said he went…missing… and it took me a while to figure it out. But,” he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and started poking at the screen.

“Steven left me a voicemail that night. It’s, uh, really weird. I thought he was just being annoying or called me by accident, cause the message is over an hour long. It might not be helpful, but… I thought you should all, you know, hear it?”

First, there was shock that settled into each Crystal Gem. How could they not have thought to see if Steven contacted anyone else? They had Connie’s text message, so Steven must have had his phone. Connie felt her stomach clench at the prospect of what might be on that message, though, horribly nervous that it could make them all come undone. They had worked so hard, been so focused…

Pearl was the first one to break the stasis, practically leaping forward and trying to steal away Lar’s phone. Thankful for her improved reflexes, Connie quickly grabbed her arm to hold her back, trying to avoid a social mishap.

The girl spoke before Pearl made things worse. “Please, can we hear the message?”

Lars was eyeing Pearl uncomfortably, the way her eyes were watering and the way she had surged towards him, but he figured things were serious so he nodded.

After a few moments of pushing buttons, he put his phone on speaker and began to play the message. At first there was nothing, so he said “It’s kind of long. Just, keep listening.”

_Silence, maybe the moving of fabric but no words. A minute passed._

_BOOM. There was a loud crash, a horrible skidding sound of metal and wood._

_More silence, then, a voice._

_“Where are they? They are supposed to be here.”_

_“Apatite, the signals. To sooner get off this sad excuse of a colony.”_

_Then, nothing for several minutes._

Lars raised his hand when Pearl opened her mouth to speak, a single finger indicating to hold on. It wasn’t over yet. “There’s more, just hold on… there’s nothing but silence for like, twenty minutes. Let me…” He lowered his head and looked at the screen, moving it around, probably skipping ahead. Connie noted how he must have listened to the message several times, because when he hit play again, there was only about 10 seconds of silence before a noises could be heard again.

_A banging noise started to grow, louder and louder, and then a new voice joined in to match the sound._

_“Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.” They sounded very angry._

_Then, another long silence._ Lars similarly held up a finger and skipped ahead. Connie’s hands were shaking, still holding Pearls arm. No one moved, listening intently now for anything, hoping to hear Steven’s voice, or something, anything…

_All quiet, when a softer voice broke the stillness._

_“Rose Quartz…”_

_A few more minutes of silence._

_There was a very small tapping sound. Then, just the smallest sigh, but everyone could tell it had come from Steven. There was just something about his voice. The phone beeped._

The message had ended.

No one dared speak. The fire was crackling and the gems looked desperately at each other, but no words escaped them. Pearl had become stiff, unmoving in Connie’s grasp. Connie felt she should say something, anything, but what could she say?

Lars finally broke the silence, when no one spoke, face softer than Connie had ever seen it. He looked… afraid, and really, really sad. Then again, everyone looked sad since Steven had been gone, so maybe Connie was just projecting.

“The uh, message came in at 11:14 PM, and his Dad said no one had really seen him that day. It ended after 66 minutes… a lot of it was just silence, that’s why I skipped ahead, but I dunno, it seemed…” he didn’t finish his sentence, shoving his phone back in his jeans, eyes studying his feet. Connie was thankful that Lars had spared them the long pauses of nothingness. She thought about sitting there for an hour, trying to make out just the faintest sound of Steven breathing; the suspense might have killed her.

None of them said it, but they realized that this was so, so important. It wasn’t much, and everyone had been able to piece together the parts of what might have happened, but this was something different. It was _real_ ; not just strung together speculations, but tangible evidence from that night. It was inspiring and heartbreaking all in one. She couldn’t get the sound of the typing and the small sigh at the end.

“The message… it ended, right when Steven sent me the text. 12:21 AM.” Connie said to no one in particular, releasing Pearl from her grip as her arm fell to her side.   

Some of them stood, some of them sat, but no one spoke after that. There was just the crickets and the kindling, tuning to the pitch of emotions that flooded over their congregation in the country. The universe was an ambivalent place, stopping for no one, unapologetic as reality pushed irrevocably forward. The smell of smoke and sausages floated through the air, joining the melody of nature, turning the oppressive music into something greater than them all. It created a moment, a single fixed moment in time, just like the message. This was now, that was then, and somehow the two existed simultaneously. The reality they occupied now was like the lens of a camera, adjusting and re-adjusting as the textures and colors of space came into focus. Their gathering at that moment was predicated – indeed, necessitated – because of the other side of time that played through that message. Everything had _seemed_ a certain way, and more or less _had_ been what they all expected, but their collective world that came into focus was different, new – informed by a heavy truth that needed not be said aloud. “Steven was kidnapped” was no longer an abstract source of motivation, a bonding force that drew the Crystal Gems together. It was reality, and it hurt.

Eventually, after several minutes of thoughtful silence, Ruby disrupted their quiet reflections. She was fuming, literally steaming with rage, but she forced out gentile words for the human’s sake.

“Thank you. This is… useful. We have a lot to talk about, so would you all mind going?” The last part struck Connie as harsh considering the journey they made to show them this, but Ruby was not necessarily known for being temperate.

The gang of teenagers did not ask for an explanation or even look offended. Instead, they all just silently returned to the pizza car, carrying their thoughts as baggage for the road. Before reaching for the door handle, Sadie hesitated and turned back to the group around the fire. Lars paused alongside her.

She spoke to Connie, the only other human, probably not sure who to really address. “Let us know if he, you know, is okay. We’re worried about him.”

Connie managed a small smile, appreciative of her kind words.

“We all are. I’ll let you know when we know something, I promise.”

 

* * *

 

No one spoke after the humans drove off. Sapphire looked sad, but everyone else looked contemplative and unsure. Amethyst looked like she wanted to speak several times, and had even begun to speak once or twice, but her voice trailed off as she stared into the glowing flames before them.

Pearl felt like she was having an out-of-body-experience, which was impossible, since her body was made out of light. But she couldn’t help it, the sounds and the sigh and voices replaying in her head, again and again, while her corporeal presence stared into the fire like the rest of them. She was far away from this place, back in Beach City, ten nights ago.

She had been worried, every day and every night, about Steven, but there was some sort of distance she had been able to place after the first day at the Temple that had help her keep it together. A sort of blissful ignorance, an automated will that she had engineered from Connie’s and the other’s solidarity, a manufactured resolve that she employed like fuel for an engine. Every time she thought about him, or him hurting, or that day when he had been alone, she managed to push the thoughts away, bury them, and chug forward with her synthetic motivation. Things hadn’t felt real, even when Sapphire had come back to them. The experiences she’s been having, it felt like something she read in a book, but not something that was happening to her, here, on Earth.

Now, things were different. The sounds, the contortion of metal, the splintering of wood… She was back at the house all over again, trying to imagine the owners of the two voices, imagine where Steven had been during the dialogue. She had known several Apatite gems before the war, and none of them were particularly friendly. Actually, in many ways, they were like Peridots (although nothing like _their_ Peridot). They specialized in mechanics and were disposable enough to use for scouting missions of new colonies, in case something went wrong, but she had no idea which voice had belonged to her. The other speaker was also a mystery, but her imagination filled in the rest. Two figures, standing over her little boy, threatening, smashing his home, while he was hurt, the blood on the wall, his ripped shirt…

Around her, the others had started to change and move, but she was frozen. She had started crying at some point but she hardly noticed. They were silent, racking sobs, but the others let her have her moment of grief.

But now, as Pearl sat and sobbed, Connie was at her shoulder. It felt like Connie was always at her shoulder these days, the girl having become her rock throughout this nightmare.

“Pearl? Come on, it’s… you should sleep. It might help. I’m going to bed, too.” Her voice sounded hollow, not carrying its usual notes of enthusiasm or respect that she reserved especially for speaking with Pearl.

The white gem obliged to Connie’s request, her mindless body being pulled and eventually lain down by Amethyst in their sleeping spot above the others, atop the make-shift balcony.

_Steven… where are you? What did they do to you? Please, come home, or stay safe and we’ll come after you. I promise, I’ll come after you. Just wait for me…_

“C’mon P, you should try to sleep. Connie was right, it might help…” Amethyst was sitting up next to her, and to her surprise, placed a comforting hand on her arm. Pearl didn’t shrug her off, but the words felt empty to her. She just wanted to hold him one more time, tell him how proud she was, how much she loved him…

After many long hours, Amethyst had fallen asleep next to her and Pearl was drifting in and out of consciousness. She suspected it was a product of the intense day of physical labor she and Connie had, but her mind did not feel ready to rest. She was still teary-eyed and her chest felt tight with anxiety, missing him, wondering what had happened, thinking about that tiny sigh at the end of the human’s message, the hateful way they spoke Rose’s name, how it had all gone so wrong, so fast…

_Pearl was inside of the house, making breakfast for Greg and Steven. They would be showing up anytime now, returning from a trip to the Keystone State. Garnet and Amethyst were nowhere to be seen, probably in their Temple rooms, so Pearl would summon them in a moment._

_This breakfast was going to be special. She wanted to surprise Steven since he had been away from home for several days, so Pearl was preparing a “together breakfasts,” but without any of the unappetizing components. As such, the gem moved around the kitchen gracefully, pulling out plates and whipped cream and started some waffles in the toaster. Pearl mused to herself about Steven’s love of strawberries and ice cream, trying to concoct the perfect pairing for his special breakfast._

_The dream continued like this for a while, Pearl fluttering around, keeping herself busy. She checked the time on the microwave – 11:09, already?! They would be here any moment, and the food was almost ready. She was about to turn to the Temple door to call for the others, but it opened at that exact moment. Perfect, she thought, they can help set the table._

_Looking into the fridge as she grabbed some juice, Pearl called over her shoulder._

_“Garnet? Amethyst? Thank goodness you’re here, it’s almost – ” and she turned to see whoever had shown up._

_Steven?_

_“Pearl?” He looked as shocked as she felt. She dropped the carton of juice, the whole thing splashing onto the floor._

_It sounded so much like him, but it wasn’t possible, Pearl thought. He had only been gone 10 days, how could so much have changed?_

_He was thinner, for certain, and he looked… well, awful. His shoulders were slumped, his hair hadn’t been washed, his jeans were ripped in several places, and his starry shirt was gone entirely, replaced by a white tunic that was too big for him. He was barefoot and he had bruises on his arms, but the worst part was his eyes. They had none of their usual glow, the way they usually sparkled when he laughed or when he was excited to see her. His eyes… they were just dull, lifeless orbs._

_Pearl was frozen in disbelief. This couldn’t really be Steven, right? No, she must be internalizing how bad she imagined things, and this was just an illusion. Pearl was vaguely aware that she must be asleep._

_“Oh my gosh, PEARL!” Steven had been studying her, too, stunned by her presence. He had dreams about all of them (when he hadn’t been knocked or thrown into some unconscious stupor), but this Pearl was different. She looked tired, and sad. So, so sad. But he knew it was her, somehow, a feeling he recognized. He had traveled through dreams before, and this is exactly how that felt._

_He flew forward at her, forgetting about how messed up everything was, forgetting about Holly Blue Agate and Blue Diamond and everything else. She had gone perfectly still at first, but the moment he wrapped his arms around her she completely melted. That warmth, that voice… it felt like years since she felt his tiny arms around her and heard his innocent voice. It really was him._

_They were both crying hysterically, overwhelmed to be reunited like this, laughing and giggling and crying as she scooped him up and twirled him in a hug. Steven had never been so happy in his entire life, and though Pearl’s life was much longer, she was pretty sure she felt the same._

_After several long minutes of crying and laughing and grasping each other, not wanting it to stop, they eventually slowed the spinning but neither let the other go. Pearl lowered Steven gently to the ground, but kneeled down to be at his height, never releasing him from her grasp completely. He looked a mess, but that sparkle was back in his eye, and she worried that if she let him go she would lose him all over again._

_Steven was looking at her lovingly, and he continued laughing and slapped his forehead._

_“I wonder if it’s because the cuffs are gone? Wow this is just, wow, so weird. To think, a dream about breakfast, and then, bam! Wow. I can’t believe it’s really you, Pearl.” He giggled happily, pulling her into another hug. Pearl was just beaming and her heart sang when he said her name. She pulled him back to look him over again, resting one hand on his shoulder and moving the other to his face to wipe away fresh tears._

_“Geez, and I dreaming about food?  Of all things, I would have expected Amethyst…” and his voice trailed off. Something flickered in his face that Pearl noticed – was it pain, maybe? He refocused his eyes after a moment, gazing at Pearl, who looked worried._

_“Steven? What is it?” She tried not to glance down at his arms, bruised and swollen in odd places, but couldn’t help it. What had they done to him? Then, suddenly, Steven grabbed her by the shoulders and held her firmly._

_“Pearl. Listen to me. I don’t know how much time I have.” His eyes glanced around nervously, though they were alone._

_Steven had dropped his voice to a whisper, his words spilling over in a rush. “Just, there’s something I need to tell you. All of you – tell the others.”_

_Pearl was alarmed at his sudden change. In a moment he went from his usual happy, bubbly self to tense and frantic. “Steven, what’s going on? Do you know where you are? Are… are you hurt?”_

_“That doesn’t matter. Just, please Pearl, tell the others. Don’t come after me. Don’t try to find me. It’s… I’m not worth it.”_

_Pearl didn’t know what to say, but she was crying again. What was going on? How could he possibly think something like that? He looked so scared, so stressed…_

_“What? Steven, don’t be ridiculous. Of course we’ll come after you, why would you even say that?”_

_“No!” He snapped at her, sharper than he intended. He was angry but he could see the hurt on her face, so he tried to soften his approach. This was so important, he hadn’t thought of what he could say, never expected this…_

_“Please, Pearl. I don’t know what Garnet can see with future vision, but don’t come. There’s… a lot has happened.” Then, his gaze became distant, and he was obviously thinking about something beyond the dream that they were sharing._

_The hurt and sadness in his voice were so palpable. She couldn’t help but continue to cry as he held her shoulders and looked into her eyes._

_“Steven… what did they do to you?”_

_He winced at her question, which only confirmed her fears. He didn’t answer her, but his reaction was enough: they had hurt him, and it was much worse than Sapphire had indicated._

_“Did Garnet… do you know… Opalite?” He was struggling to put his thoughts together, and he was breathing heavy. The last word was barely audible at his lips._

_“Opalite? No, Steven, it’s Opal. You remember, a giant woman,” she hummed the last part, trying to get him to smile that wonderful smile again. He loved Opal, how could he forget? She moved a hand gently to his forehead, worried that he might be ill; it was clear they weren’t feeding him enough. He did feel feverish, warm to the touch and Pearl noted that his body was shaking. Her attempt to comfort him with the little song had done nothing to change his expression, still distant and seeing something beyond their private moment in the dream house._

_“R-right. Never mind.” He shook his head, refocusing to look at her again. “Just, promise me, Pearl. I don’t think I’ll get this chance again. Promise me you won’t come after me.”_

_How could she possibly make that promise? Why was he asking this of her? He was acting so strange, and she wanted to take him in his arms and never let go._

_She placed a hand on his in a motherly way, tender and soft and comforting._

_“Steven… I…” she couldn’t. She couldn’t make that promise, but his eyes were searching for an answer, full of desperation she had never seen in him before. Before she could respond, Steven gasped lightly and covered his mouth with a hand._

_“And Lapis… Pearl, tell Lapis I’m sorry. I never understood or appreciated what she did for me. She…” He shivered in Pearl’s grasp. “I can’t even imagine. Just, tell her.”_

_Now Pearl was confused, but glad that he had stopped asking her to make an impossible promise. “Lapis? We can’t find her, she flew off when...”_

_Steven dismissed the concern. “You can, I know you can. If anyone can bring her back, it’s Peridot. Let her help. And, tell Peri I’m happy she stayed. The last time we talked, she said she wasn’t important – tell her that wasn’t true, and that I’m sorry I laughed. She is so important: to me, to Lapis, to Pumpkin. And,” Steven’s words were coming out in rapid fire, not giving Pearl a chance to interrupt, “Garnet. Tell her how much care about her. I got her note – in the cereal bowl. Tell her I love her too, and thank her for me, for everything. And Dad… Tell him I’m sorry, maybe he can take care of Lion, or go back on the road or something. I love them all. Please, tell them. And Amethyst…” he flinched as he said her name, something that struck Pearl as odd._

_“Tell her I’m so, so sorry. She’ll understand someday. I just… can’t…”_

_They were both crying again, tears and hugs not enough to heal everything that had torn them apart. Steven was so weak in her arms, so she held him tighter as he sobbed into her shoulder. What could she do? What could she say?_

_“And Connie… there’s so much I wanted to say to her that I never did. Tell her I’m sorry that I wasted her time. I… love her, Pearl, I wish I could have told her. But I don’t want to hurt her anymore. Please, keep training and let her go on missions and stuff if she wants to, or let her move on. I’ll miss her so much...”_

_“Steven, why are you doing this? We can come find you… we can save the day, like we always do.” She tried to lift a comforting hand to the back of his head, to let him nuzzle into her, but she recoiled when she felt the scab and stickiness that matted down his hair. She thought about the blood from the Temple…_

_Steven readjusted himself to face her again, trying to reduce his tears to a sniffle. He held her once again by the shoulders and tried to look resolute, but Pearl could tell he was shaking._

_“No, Pearl, this is it. It’s over, Homeworld… they won.”_

_“N- no! It doesn’t have to be this way, Steven. Let us – s” but she was cut off when Steven yelped in surprise. He had jumped back from her, looking at his wrist. Pearl glanced down at it too, taken off-guard by his sudden movement. Her eyes went wide._

_Tears sprang up again in Steven’s eyes as he grabbed his wrist with his other hand, a yellow diamond insignia on his wrist. It had begun to flash as they both stared at it. Steven knew what this meant, but Pearl didn’t._

_He flung himself at Pearl one last time, squeezing her as tight as he could._

_“Good-bye, Pearl... I don’t think I’ll… ever see you again. I love you.”_

_She gripped him hard, holding him close. He was warm, but it was fading._

_“Steven, no! I love you too, but please, just don’t…”_

_But before she could finish, he was gone._

_She was alone in front of the fridge, kneeling in spilled orange juice, the smell of burnt waffles taking over her senses. There was so many tears, so many feelings, and Pearl resigned to hugging herself, pretending he was still there, sobbing in her sorrow._

To her surprise, she was awoken a moment later by a… hug? Her eyes flew open, thinking Steven had come back to her, but it was Amethyst. It was pitch black in the countryside as she sat up, hysterical, being held by her fellow Crystal Gem.

“A—Amethyst? But… wheres?” She started to question what was happening, but her heart hurt too much so she just let Amethyst hold her, crying and shifting so she could hug her back.

“I’m sorry, Pearl. I shouldn’t have been watching.” Amethyst said quietly, gripping her even closer in the embrace. For the moment, Pearl was too miserable to care about the invasion of her privacy. She was too miserable to care about anything, really. She just let the tears fall as she looked up into the stars.


	16. Early Morning Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much can happen overnight.  
> (Long chapter is long)

“P, talk to me. I’m here.” Amethyst was holding Pearl as gently as she could, trying to sooth her. She didn’t blame her for being in hysterics – she was still in shock from what she had just seen.

“I know, I shouldn’t have watched you… I’m so, so sorry. We can talk about it, though, since I already know everything. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but just let me help.” The purple gem just wanted to desperately to comfort her fellow Crystal Gem, but it was at the expense of making herself feel worse.

_God, Amethyst you’re so stupid. Why would you watch her, now she’s miserable and you won’t be able to help. She’ll never forgive you for this. Dumb, dumb dumb. And Steven, what was that all about? Why did he look like that? Why was he talking like that? He can’t have been serious, right?_

They sat there for a while like this, Pearl not giving a second thought to those who might be sleeping below. The way Steven felt in her arms, the way he was shaking, how sad he looked… it was haunting and up-lifting, like a memorial to someone lost at sea. Any hope of finding their corporeal body deemed impossible, but there was an aching tightness in your throat while you mourned them, feeling hopeful that they may resurface one day. Humans settled on these memorials in place of funerals when the death of someone had to be assumed rather than verified, and that’s how this felt. He was acting like he had already died, but he hadn’t; he said they would never see each other again, but that couldn’t be true.

Wordlessly, the purple gem rocked her back and forth, trying to let her expel her grief, but it wasn’t an easy task. The two had grown to be closer with Steven’s kindness, and now it was his tortured voice that carved a chasm between them. Unlike in reality, Amethyst couldn’t stretch herself over to Pearl, bridge the gap by sheer force of will. Steven was hurting, maybe dying, and each of them felt it was their fault.

Eventually, Pearl’s sobs slowed to a sniffle, and then to a deadened silence. The two just sat there, arms wrapped around each other, trying process the surge of emotion that had splintered them each horribly between the voicemail and the dream. How could anyone feel so much at once? She felt pain, sadness, relief, desperation, amazement, despair, anger, love, heartache, misery, and guilt. So much guilt.

Amethyst had been crying, too, but her sorrow was nothing compared to Pearl’s. The whole episode had been heart wrenching and she wanted Pearl to have her moment, but she needed to snap Pearl back to reality. Now that she had stopped crying, the dawn was just about to break, and she felt like every opportunity to save Steven was shrinking with each minute they wasted. For once, Amethyst felt the next move was obvious to turning this whole thing around, but how could she possibly convince Pearl?

_We have to show the others. They need to see it. Steven wanted that._

“Pearl… we can’t stay here forever. The sun will up soon, the other’s might already be awake. Let’s just…” Amethyst wanted to finish the sentence, but even she didn’t sound convinced by her argument.

Pearl said nothing, just sat there, carved from stone.

Amethyst tried again. “Pearl, listen to me. I can’t even… imagine what that was like. I saw it through your gem, and I feel like I’ve been beaten by every corrupted gem we’ve ever fought. That was… Steven is wrong, though. He’s wrong!”

Once again, Pearl did not speak, but her eyes had shifted. She was looking at Amethyst.

“He is worth it. I don’t know what those Homeworld punks did to him, but he’s still Steven. We both saw it. He was still him, buried underneath all of that junk. Just… c’mon. You know I’m not good with this stuff.” Amethyst pulled from the embrace for the first time feeling her face become warm, and Pearl’s arms shot up automatically to hold her in place.

“I know, Amethyst. I just… I can’t do this again. I can’t lose him.” Pearl’s voice was raw from the sobbing, making her voice sound choked.

“We won’t. But we have to show the others. You know that, right?” Amethyst once again tried to sound convincing. It must have worked, because Pearl let her counterpart go and they both sat there for a few moments longer, watching the sun peak over the horizon.

 

* * *

 

“Connie?”

Peridot whispered the girls name, knowing that she must be awake. It was still dark out, but Pearl was having a major melt down above them. The green gem had been unable to sleep that night, resigned to holding Pumpkin close and resting her eyes when the noise had started. First, she heard sniffling that sounded like Pearl – she was worried, feeling inclined to go check, but she let it pass. They were all managing in different ways, she tried to tell herself, don’t force it.

Several hours had passed like that, then there was a long silence, and then another set of sniffles. This time, however, it sounded like Amethyst. Peridot sat up and listened hard, trying to make sure she wasn’t imagining it. After maybe 15 minutes of listening, she had decided she would go upstairs to check, just to make sure everything was alright.

Peridot knew that everything was not, in fact, _alright_ in the typical sense of the word. A band of humans had shown up and presented them with a very disturbing, cryptic message from the night Steven had been taken. She wanted to be appreciative because she knew they were trying to help, but all Peridot could manage was anger. Not only had the recording not provided any substantial evidence that would help them besides a name (Apatite, a Homeworld scouting gem, a class commensurate with her own) but everyone had become so sad after the message.

About to get up, the sniffling stopped unexpectedly. Muttering to herself, Peridot was prepared to get back in the hammock when a new set of crying began, but this one was not subtle. It was Pearl, undoubtedly, and it was loud and filled with angst. Pearl was not necessarily known for being the most stoic of gems, so Peridot had practically come to expect her crying, but this was something different. The pain in her sobs permeated the very air, swelling with pain and crashing into each Crystal Gem like a tidal wave as they listened on. This was no normal cry – something was wrong.

“Connie?” The green gem repeated again, when the human did not respond.

“Yes, I’m awake, Peridot.” The girl responded, the only other occupant on the inside of the barn (save Pumpkin).

“Should we…” the green gem began, trying to formulate an appropriate question.

“No, we shouldn’t. The message from last night made Pearl snap. We just… she needs to let this out. It’ll be better in the morning.” Connie’s voice sounded exasperated, but also sad. After all, they all missed Steven.

Saying nothing at first, Peridot leaned back over into her position in the hammock, prepared to let things pass, lost in thought, trying to ignore the wailing of her fellow gem above.

 _Humans are such a strange breed. They have such a large capacity to inflict and receive pain, and yet their physical bodies are so fragile. We can reform if we’re hurt, they just go around carrying that with them all the time…_ Peridot respected that in Steven and Connie both, the longer she knew them. She thought about her own pain with missing Lapis, missing Steven, how it weighed her down in spite of her attempts to let it go.

After several more minutes of Pearl crying, Peridot noted Amethyst’s voice chime in in a whisper. She couldn’t make out the exchange, but given that they were both engaged now she probably would not be able to return to her rest anytime soon.

“Connie?”

“ _Yes_ , Peridot?” The human girl sounded annoyed, probably because Pearl had woken her up from sleep.

“Do you feel pain when you think about Steven being gone?” The green gem wanted to understand this, maybe adapt this human quality of bearing extended periods of pain.

Connie was, needless to say, surprised by the question. She hadn’t expected Peridot to want to talk about something of substance, and she had been trying to go back to sleep. But, she had become used to Peridot’s difficulties with social conventions, so she tried to be patient.

“Well, yes. Don’t you?”

“O- of course I do. I just… I feel guilty.”

That made Connie soften. Poor Peridot, she just wanted so much to be helpful…

“Don’t worry, we all sort of feel that way. You just have to think about how rewarding it will be when we get him back.”

Neither of them spoke for a while, listening to the night around them, Pearl’s sobbing turning slowly into an aching cry.

Finally, the green gem posed another query. “I don’t feel guilty because of that. It’s… Lapis. I feel almost as worried about her as I do about Steven. Does that make me a bad person?”

The human and gem sat in silence again, both thinking about the question. Peridot’s worries were sincere, Connie could tell, but she didn't know exactly how to answer.

“Well, do you care about Lapis, Peridot?” Connie asked the green gem who wiped at her eyes beneath her visor.

“Yes.”

“Do you care about her a lot?”

“Uh, yes? I don’t think I see the difference.”

“Well, I care about Steven a lot. I miss him so much I can barely give Lapis a second thought. But it’s the opposite for you – you care about her a lot, so you miss her a lot more.” The human girl was trying her best to be clear, but felt herself blushing anyways. Why did talking about Steven always make her turn into such a… teenager.

That was helpful, but not addressing the heart of the issue. “Well, if you care, how do you deal with the pain? Humans have a much higher tolerance for pain than gems, it seems. I’m… I’m just, it’s hard. I miss her.” Connie was surprised to hear Peridot choking up as she tried to explain. This was an even more complicated question, so Connie thought she would try to use a round-about-way to explain.

“I don’t think it’s about pain tolerance, Peridot.”

“Then, what is it? Why haven’t you… doesn’t it hurt that Steven’s gone?” The green gem noted that the others above her had stopped talking entirely. It was just her and Connie now, educating her on the complexities of earthly emotions.

“Well… I guess it’s more like pain reallocation. When you love someone, you just try to put the pain to the side. Use it as fuel rather than dead weight. It’s not that it’s gone, but it’s not as important as the way you feel about them.”

“Oh,” was all Peridot could say. She had never thought about it like that, but it made logical sense. The resource of pain will be abundant if you miss something or someone you love, so instead of wasting the surplus, reengineer it to serve a useful purpose. Simple, but efficient.

A few slivers of sunlight began to peak through the barn at this point. Peridot could hear Amethyst talking again, but she couldn’t make out any words. She wasn’t focused on the gems above her anymore, anyways, but the conversation she had just had with Connie.

After another stretch of silence, Peridot wanted to ask Connie more questions, to clarify the method behind the theory, but the green gem opted to remain silent. She could hear the sincerity in the human girl's words when she talked about Steven, the ache in her voice that echoed the ache that Peridot felt when she thought about Lapis, gone without a word. Pain reallocation... How does one unburden the weight carried by the heart?

Peridot eventually spoke when she heard the shifting of bodies above them, Pearl and Amethyst about to come down to the ground. Sitting up, she saw Connie rubbing the sleep from her eyes and untangling her long hair.

"Connie?" The girl looked over towards her.

"Wow, thanks."

 

* * *

 

The five of them had decided to part ways just after midnight, Jenny dropping off Buck Dewey and Sour Cream on the way to her house, and Lars and Sadie offered to walk home from the Pizza residence.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind giving ya’ll a lift, it’s late.” She sounded exhausted and yawned, but tried to put on a reassuring smile.

Sadie responded with her own tired smile. “No, really it’s fine. You did a lot for us already by bringing us out of the city. We’re not far from here.” She gestured her thumb in the opposite direction, vaguely towards the streets that would bring them to the Miller and Barriaga homes.

“If you’re sure…” Jenny bit her lip, but the others could tell she was already really tired.

“No, Jenny, just go to bed. You’ve got work tomorrow,” Lars said to her bluntly.

“Alright, well, bye guys. Text me when you get home!” She waved and went inside her house, and Lars and Sadie began to walk down the road towards their own places of rest.

Lars knew why Jenny had said that last part, and it made him sad. He was just watching his feet while they walked, not speaking, but it was kind of nice. That’s one of the best parts about Sadie, he thought to himself, she didn’t ask too many questions if he wasn’t in the mood. Sometimes she would make him do stuff at work, but that was different. She just stuck her hands in her coat pocket and looked ahead.

Everyone in town had been super on-edge since everything that happened 10 – or was it 11? – nights ago. Word spread pretty quickly that Steven was gone, as he was a pretty hard presence to overlook in Beach City. The morning after played through his head, a memory that made his spine shiver.

_“Yo, Sadie. Sorry I’m late. I couldn’t sleep.”_

_“It’s fine, just, can you help me with these?” She indicated three big boxes on the floor. She was holding one, but he noticed she was having a hard time._

_He went over to help and helped her lift from the bottom. They_ were _heavy, but it wasn’t so bad together. They hauled it back to the break room and put it next to the other boxes of crap he didn’t really care about._

_“Did Steven come by yet today?”_

_“No, not yet, although it won’t be long now.” Sadie grinned. Lars knew she liked his company, but he didn’t particularly care for it._

_“Ugh, good. I need to delete my number from his phone. He left me the weirdness voicemail last night.” In typical Lars fashion, he did little to hide his annoyance._

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah, he might have just butt-dialed me or something but it was just stupid. It’s like, over an hour long. Like c’mon, man, I was trying to sleep.” Lars rolled his eyes, but smiled when Sadie laughed._

Would things have been different if had answered the phone? Why did Steven call him – _Lars Barriga_ of all people – when things went wrong? They weren’t exactly best friends (at least, Lars didn’t think so), and what was he supposed to do? He tried not to get involved in all of Steven’s weird magic stuff, especially after getting trapped on that island with Sadie.

She interrupted his thoughts right then, as if reading his mind. “The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they? They look just like they did on the island.” She was glancing up, not looking at him, but past him, far into the cosmos.

He looked up too, following her gaze. It really was something, looking up there tonight. It was like the world gave pause to think about what had happened in Beach City, time slowing down so that the rest of them could catch up.

They were nearing Sadie’s house at this point, both of them watching the sky above. He hadn’t realized they had been walking so close together until she spoke again.

“You did a good thing today, Lars.”

“You think? I just… I mean, he’s a twerp, but he’s just a kid.” Lars didn’t elaborate, feeling a lot of strange things all at once. It was hard to tell from the brief conversation he had with Steven’s dad a few days ago, and Lars wasn’t one to pry, but he had really made it seem like Steven wasn’t even on Earth anymore. The poor guy, he looked so crushed as he talked about Steven, eyes filed with love and sadness. Lars knew all about that.

Lars walked her up to the porch in front of her house, but turned around to give the sky a final glance before walking under the light that would eclipse the universe above.

“Do you… think he’s alright?”

Sadie said nothing at first, but her eyes were downcast. She wouldn’t lie to him, even if it hurt him.

“I don’t know. Steven’s… family? They all seemed really worried. And they’re like, super strong aliens or something. They didn’t seem optimistic… but I hope so.”

The lanky teenager turned to face her again, ready to say goodbye, and was surprised to find himself hugging her. He hadn’t even been sure who had initiated it, but it felt nice, not to be alone while wondering so many things all at once.

 

* * *

 

His mom looked really, really mad that he had come home so late. It was easy for her to stay up because she had been letting Mr. Universe crash on the couch during all of this, so he wasn’t necessarily surprised that she was waiting for him.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I tried to call but my phone died.” Sour Cream sounded sincere, frowning as he looked at his mom’s worried face. She had come out to the garage when she heard the door open, relief washing over her and being quickly replaced by anger.

“That’s no excuse, Sour Cream. After what happened with Greg’s… just, don’t worry me like that again. I know you want to hang out with your friends and I don’t want to be all ‘Yellow Tail’ on you, but if you don’t call next time you won’t be allowed to go out after dark anymore.”

He didn’t try to argue – he knew his mom was trying to be reasonable, and she _was_ his mom, of course she would worry. Instead, the pale teenager just looked at his feet and nodded, surprised when his mom hugged him tight.

Vidalia spoke, “It’s alright. Just… let’s talk in the morning. Go to bed?” She was trying not to cry.

Sour Cream squeezed back, grateful for her, and complied. He untangled himself from her arms and made his way to bed.

Vidalia followed him into the house, but she went to the living room instead of ascending the stairs to bed. Yellow Tail was upstairs asleep, but it was unlikely that Greg had gotten a wink of rest, so she thought she would stay up with him for a while longer. Now that Sour Cream was home, she didn’t feel as tense and could handle some idle conversation.

And he was awake, just like she expected. He was sitting on the couch, head hung as his elbows rested on his knees, looking at the floor.

_Poor guy… I can’t even imagine._

“Hey, still up, I see.” Vidalia tried to sound casual.

He looked up when she spoke. “Oh yeah, Sour Cream make it home okay?” Greg sounded genuinely concerned, and relieved when Vidalia nodded. She hated seeing him like this, it was worse than even when Rose left him.

“Man, that’s good.”

Greg Universe was usually a pillar of good-humored friendship, always had been, Vidalia thought. This man on her couch seemed like a totally different person, a shell of what he used to be; his face always looked tired and eyes were red from lack of sleep and crying, and his smiles always looked empty. The stars in his eyes didn’t fade, though, even though he looked a complete mess. He would talk about Steven to everyone and anyone, always lovingly, and sad but not defeated.

It’s been almost two weeks since his kid was missing, and though Vidalia didn’t push him for details, she had a feeling it was really bad this time. Not just missing, but kidnapped, and hurt. She thought about her Onion, or her Sour Cream, and hugged herself automatically. Greg had turned to face her and his face was turned up into a weak smile.

“Wanna watch something?” He gestured towards the T.V.

Vidalia, grateful for something to do besides think about his struggles as a parent, answered by flipping something on with the remote. It was a cheesy late-night game show that people were designed to lose, but for some reason contenders would come back, week after week. Since Greg didn’t protest, she sat down on the couch next to him and they watched the participant’s disappointment as their “cash explosion” was reduced to a measly sum of $51.

“Geez, what’s with these shows? I don’t see why people bother.” Vidalia had never bought into the reality-drama that went along with television anymore, it just felt like a waste to her. People should be more concerned with _living_ their reality, rather than broadcasting it for the world to see. Even worse, on these shows, it always just ended up making the people look foolish, getting their hopes up, to walk away empty-handed.

“I don’t know, I think it’s kind of fun. You know, like with music, not every song is gonna be a winner. Most of mine suck, actually.” He laughed at himself, and Vidalia’s face softened. She didn't realize she had been frowning.

“But it’s the ones that work out that make it worth it, to keep trying. Like I remember talking about the lottery back when I was still in school and there was this big debate about it. Same kind of thing – some people thought it’s just sad that people put their every hope in just pure luck, but other people were like, well, luck is luck, it doesn’t choose who it backs, so you might as well give it a shot. Nothing lost if you lose, but something huge could happen if you win.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment, the sadness that stung the end of Greg’s voice too obvious to ignore.

“Sometimes… Sometimes hope and luck is all you’ve got.” Her long-time friend leaned back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, not tuning into the show anymore. The lines that carved his face were more than just the wrinkles that came with age – they both sported those stripes proudly – but it was the anxiety that pulled at the corner of his eyes, the dread that settled into the space on his forehead, the fear that pulled his mouth into a frown. After a tense moment, Greg released a long sigh. He hadn’t just lost everyone, but everything, too – he severed up every tie he had with family, even his own surname, so he could follow his dreams, he gave up touring and Marty to stay with Rose, he gave up music to get a job in Beach City, he gave up Rose to have Steven, and now he lost Steven and had… what? His van? That wasn’t a comforting thought.

“He’ll… be okay, Greg. He’s a tough kid.” Vidalia placed a hand on his shoulder, the man tearing up at her touch.

His voice was shaky, but he responded decisively. “I know, Val. There’s no one like him out there. I just miss him, but he’ll…” He took a breath. “He’ll be okay.”

The pair sat there in silence while the T.V. show burst into cheers, raving about someone’s unexpected cash winnings, with confetti and shouts coming from off-camera. Vidalia smiled as she rested her hand on her friend’s shoulder, happy to hear someone on the show win. _Sometimes, no matter how badly we are destined to fail, we have to have hope._

 

* * *

 

Yellow Diamond was seated opposite of Blue, her face refreshingly determined for once. Though her lovely, shimmering eyes were still downcast, her mouth was turned in a wicked grin that Yellow Diamond hadn’t seen in centuries. They had just taken their places at a small table that was framed around a large screen, dismissed their Pearls, and were about to discuss the second phase of the plan. Now, they were awaiting White to arrive and the discussion could begin.

“You look pleased.” She spoke to her counterpart, her voice always sharp like a whip, but Blue knew her well. She could tell she hadn’t intended the comment as condescending or nefarious. 

“Yes. There has been a change. But we will wait for White.” Her smooth intonations played like a harp in the quiet room. Accordingly, Yellow Diamond said nothing, waiting for the aforementioned Diamond to appear.

Change of plans generally made Yellow unhappy, having already determined the most rational and just resolution, especially if that change was coming from Blue. She was the emotional one, always letting her heart guide her rather than her brain; just another reason Yellow felt she should have been the one to execute the plan. However, White had been right in her ruling – they needed Blue to follow the hybrids emotional trajectory, humans always guided by their irrational tendencies. So, whatever change had happened, Yellow and White would both have to hear Blue Diamond’s reasoning – arguing at this moment would accomplish nothing.

For several more minutes, the pair sat in silence. They had both arrived earlier than the agreed upon time, knowing White Diamond would be precisely punctual. It was just her way.

Right on time, a screen shined into life. First, there was nothing but white, and then there was nothing but White. Yellow gazed as her face come into frame, narrowed eyes always aglow with contempt and judgement. White was the only figure in the universe that made her feel small, weak… she loved White, of course, but she couldn’t help but resent her, too.

“Blue tells me there is a change in plans.” Yellow tried her best not to sound angry, but it was not convincing. She turned to angle herself between the two Diamond’s, looking at Blue in favor of White’s piercing gaze.

In character, White said nothing, but she arched an eyebrow. Curious, maybe, but disapproving.

“Yes. The hybrid did not act according to the predictions of the Sapphires. He is, like all humans, irrational and unpredictable.” The ever-solemn gaze of Blue shifted to Yellow, obviously in an attempt to appeal to her preference for logic.

Yellow simply wanted details. White said nothing. “Yes, and…?”

“He has offered himself, willingly, to act as our subject. We will not have to force him, nor will we have to waste resources sending our gems after him or the Earth. He has set himself his own trap; he will not try to flee or resist, the rebels will undoubtedly come to his aid, bringing them right to us. But,” Blue tried to resist the urge to sound excited, but she was too proud of the way things had unfolded.

“The basic structure of the plan remains. Compliance on the hybrid’s part makes things easier logistically, certainly, but there’s more. Now, not only have we have broken his spirit, but we can make the rebels suffer in a way unexpected. They will hurt when their recovery fails, but _he_ will be the one to ruin them. It is no longer a matter of their leader, Rose Quartz, missing, taken. It is their precious _Steven_ , already an asset to us, denying their hearts every cry for his safety. He is his own prisoner.”

No one spoke for some time after Blue’s speech. White Diamond’s eyes had become even more deadly than normal, but she had turned her head away from them as the explanation concluded. She was looking at something off-screen – the report from the Agate, more than likely. Yellow was surprisingly pleased with the change.

Speaking before White had the opportunity to criticize Blue, Yellow offered her compliments. “I am impressed, Blue. This went better than anticipated. How did you do it?”

She smiled at the accolade, reached a hand over to Yellow and took it gently. “The credit goes to you, Yellow. He suffers greatly from your plan regarding my Agate. I think it might even benefit to bring her out a second time, as much as it displeases me to see. I could not have expected how impactful it was…”

Yellow tilted her head to one side and squeezed Blue’s hand before releasing it.

“Perhaps. But I wish to focus on the rebels at the moment. Their punishment has not been agreed upon. Do we know when they will be arriving?” She turned herself to face the screen. White had turned her intense stare back to the two of them, but once again did not speak.

Blue was the one to answer her query. “My Sapphires still do not know a time. They are waiting for us to make a move. But the boy will reach them in a dream, and it is likely going to change the direction of fate. That,” She turned to Yellow, who did not return her gaze.

“That is why we are back here.” Her voice had regained its usual sadness.

 _Ah. That is why we returned. Not to revisit that abject vein of Quartz, to mourn_ her _, to feel rather than think and act…_

Yellow opened her mouth to speak, wanting the address the small possibility that they do _not_ come for the prisoner, that they do not care as much as Blue perceives, but before she got the chance, White Diamond finally joined the conversation.

“Bring him to me.” The voice was flat, leaving no room for questions. Yellow was not going to indulge her this time, though, wanting to use this opportunity to plan.

“But the rebels – they could come sooner rather than later. We must be prepared.” She tried to look determined. They would not escape her punishment, not this time.

White did not acknowledge her, looking away from the screen again. “When he is released from treatment, bring him to me. The Agate too. No one is to speak to him until I do, with the exception of his escort.”

Now Yellow was furious; not only was this not part of the original plan, but White was ignoring her. She was planning something, she must be, to circumvent the intent of the meeting without explanation. The Diamonds were supposed to be equals, Yellow raged, they are not to keep secrets between them.

“What is happening, White?” It was Blue Diamond who addressed her, obviously tuned to Yellow’s frustration. She was always the best mediator for these discussions, to which Yellow was grateful.

“There is something I must see.” She was not going to elaborate, that much was clear.

The flatness of her voice did not change throughout the entire conversation, but her eyes flared malevolently when she spoke these last words. The statement rang in the silence for a long moment, and White ended the transmission, leaving them with nothing but an empty screen.

 

* * *

 

An erratic beeping filled the room as Steven thought about the dream he just had. It was as if his life had been turned upside down, landing him back at the very place where this all started: Pink Diamond’s base, the Human Zoo. That’s not entirely true though, because he was here as neither human nor on a rescue mission. He was here as Steven, the hybrid, the prisoner, the shatterer, and, to many, he was Rose Quartz.

But _right_ now, he was Steven the patient. It was almost struck him as funny as he sat there, looking at tubes and automated little pieces of metal that moved around him and touched screens and did this or that, that the first time he ever received real professional medical care was in a highly advanced alien space clinic.

_Well, considering how my life played out, that actually sounds about right._

The little pieces of metal reminded him of Peridot’s fingers from her limb enhancers, whizzing around with wordless, emotionless intent. He had no idea what was really happening, but he was starting to feel better, so he didn’t complain. There wasn’t really anyone to complain to, anyways. The room was relatively small, probably the size of Connie’s living room, and the only gems he had seen since arriving here was Heliodor, her poised fury obvious just outside the door, and Danburite. This gem was another new one to him, but she never spoke to him, so she wasn’t exactly great company.

The new figure was what Steven had to assume was a nurse or attendant, because she would come in once every hour to check on the beeps and tubes that were hooked up to him. She would record some information on a screen like Peridot’s, too, and then leave without a word. Though quiet, there was something calming about her that Steven liked – maybe it was just having a visitor, but there was something else there too. Perhaps, Steven reasoned, it was because she was a Homeworld gem who was helping him feel better instead of worse, even if it was under orders.

Sometimes, she would enter when he was feeling heavy and delirious from whatever medicine was working on his insides, so instead of talking he was resigned to just studying her unusual physical features: she was about Lapis’ or Pearl’s height, but not quite as thin as the other two gems. Her skin was white and she wore an off-white gown that was cut in the middle, like Opal’s, and she had stockings that were pale blue. A blue diamond insignia on her chest left no question to whom she belonged. She wore limb enhancers, but only on her hands and not her legs – she was plenty tall without them. Her hair was the best part about her, though, because it reminded him of a cross between Sapphire and Amethyst; it was long, very long and well kept, almost down to her knees, and it was an incredibly pale shade of yellow. Some of the hair fell over half of her face like bangs, but not fully. She wore an eye-mask like Peridot’s that was the same color as her dress, but it was opaque so Steven couldn’t see her eyes. Her gemstone, a small white oval, central to her face, was present in place of her nose.

Steven started asking her questions when she first showed up, but she ignored almost all of them. Her voice wasn’t soft or melodic like Blue Diamond’s, or venomous and intimidating like Heliodor’s, but sharp and professional. She only spoke once; to say her name. Unlike all of his other interactions with Homeworld gems, however, he was sitting in a semi-comfortable bed that was _warm_ , so he couldn’t even begrudge her. He had almost forgotten what warm felt like, to be _cozy_ , under a blanket, in a real though ill-fitting shirt. It was soft, so he didn’t mind that it was almost down to his knees – it was better than feeling half-exposed all the time.

To be honest, Steven was amazed by how quickly his life improved once he had made his deal with Blue Diamond. The whole turn of events definitely struck him as odd, but he just felt relieved; at least now he was on a clear path forward. No looking back.

In looking to the future, Steven was certain this treatment would not last, but he enjoyed it while it did. He wasn’t hungry (although he hadn’t eaten – maybe that was part of the treatment?) and he didn’t feel dehydrated anymore. His cuffs had been removed for the night while he was anesthetized, but their familiar weight had returned the moment he opened his eyes.

_Well, really, it was before I opened my eyes. The stinging, burning… that started while I was still with Pearl._

For whatever reason, they had decided to tend to his wounds. He thought about what Blue Diamond had said to him when they had made their deal: _I want to_ understand _you. You’re much more valuable alive. Human and gem, like this, it’s… not natural._ This, he figured, was them simply keeping him alive until they determined what other horrible punishment they had in store for him.  
As he sat there, his mind turned over as he absently watched the fingers busily pressing buttons and turning knobs that had to have _some_ effect on him, of which he had no idea.

_Pearl… it had been so nice to see her again. I hope I didn’t make her too sad, but she was crying a lot near the end._

As he remembered the sensation of feeling her tight grasp around him, the loving way she wiped away his tears, her comforting voice, Steven’s chest began to feel tight. Some of that rushed back to him – the warmth of tears on his cheeks, but there was no hug, no loving touch, no Pearl. He had begun crying, too, remembering how utterly alone he was.

_And what will she tell everyone else? Connie… she would have been better off without all of this. I should have tried to cut ties after what happened with Jasper and Peridot and Lapis the first time. But it hurt so much to see her crying back then, to hurt her like that. That sort of pain…Lapis… I really hope they find her…_

It only took a few turns in his train of thought to come back to fusion. Steven was trying desperately not to think about it, and he was having more success than when he woke up in that terrible space-room in front of Blue Diamond, but it was inescapable. Everthing kept coming back to Holly Blue Agate, feeling the remnants of her mind still echoing in his every thought. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard their horrible, gurgling laughter as they were fused – so mad with power, so angry and vengeful; every moment his eyes were open, he saw the reflection of light against some gem tech surface that looked caught his eye, like the glimmering face of a gem shard.

_Jasper… Amethyst…_

Tired of crying, Steven struggled to stay focused on anything. Anytime he tried to look at the physical world around him, he was thrown backwards in time, remembering the tingle of the whip against his fingers, the spot light, the starry floors; but to close his eyes against all the constant reminders, he pushed him inwards into his own mind, left to drown in the pits of whatever Holly Blue had left him with. Perhaps the most upsetting aspect of the whole thing was the memories, flashing in his brain: the fear in the Famethyst’s faces, his inability to move his own limbs, the hatred of Holly Blue Agate that had leaked into his own brain. All of it… the memories were horrible, of course, but they weren’t even his, not really. The way the memories felt, they belonged to Opalite. There were fragments that lingering in his own mind, as if their shared experience had been a house torn apart in a hurricane, debris scattering when they flew apart. The sensations, the feelings, those had been some sort of indescribable mixture of the three of them, but they replayed in his memories like sparks from Opalite, and Opalite alone. There was a lot of pain, he couldn’t forget, but mostly the rage and when their morning star fell upon the Amethyst, the glory that radiated through them when their foot rested on the Jasper’s gemstone…

_Should I have told Pearl? It felt wrong not to… for her to not know. No, it’s better this way. They’ll never have to know what we – what I –  did. That’s probably why Garnet hadn’t told the others… I wonder how much Garnet knows about what’s happening, anyways? She can see possibilities – did she ever see this? Did she see me fuse, shatter, murder? Did she watch me breakdown, side with Homeworld, abandon Earth? Please, Pearl. Please tell everyone to stay away._

The beeping in the room had gotten louder and faster – it was his heart rate accelerating, he could tell. He could the life-giving organ hammering agonizingly in his chest and he was unable to avoid the sharp intake of breath that took control of his lungs. Breathing, such a basic human function, had become such a painful reminder of his own existence…

In response to his body’s heightened activity, Danburite appeared in the doorway. It wasn’t the first time it’s happened since he was brought here many hours ago, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. There was some movement in the fingers that Steven recognized as something that would slow his breathing. Moments later, an oxygen mask emerged from beyond his vision and was held to his face by phantom digits.

After several minutes, Steven had begun to breath regularly again, so Danburite pulled out her screen to make a record of some kind. Though their interactions were usually scheduled and wordless, Steven liked having a visitor, so he would talk to Danburite even if she wouldn’t respond.

“How long have you been here, Dani?” Steven tried giving her a nickname like Peridot during her check-in two visits ago, hoping she might open up if he acted friendly. She didn’t respond, so he continued.

“I don’t really know how long I’ve been here, it’s hard to tell time in space.”

Consistently, she said nothing, not acknowledging his questions, or really his presence. She wore a frown, as she always did.

Steven went on anyways. “Do you like it here? Do you ever get bored?”

She looked up at him for a moment, tilting her head to one side. Steven flinched under her gaze, not expecting her to actually pay him any attention. Just as quickly as she had looked at him, however, her face returned to a screen.

_Probably just, I don’t know, reporting on my dumb questions? It’s not like Homeworld would really make my punishment worse for stupid questions, right? What could be worse than what already… The Gems just need to stay away. Please, please Pearl…_

Steven was broken from his reprieve when a floating metal extremity grabbed him by the mouth, raked it open and another flew in after his tongue. It was painful, pulling, and he cried out at the sudden change. The finger clasped down on his tongue like tongs, then the ends became sharp, and his tongue started to bleed. Not horribly, but like it might if he cut it on a particularly sharp chaap. The pain was immediately followed by a warmth in his mouth, the ooze of the punctures releasing more blood as the fingers returned to squeezing.

Then, as quickly as the unexpected abuse began, it was over. A vial of blood floated away towards a small opening in the wall, which closed behind it, and Steven stared in confusion.

Now, he submitted to sitting silently, that was for sure. It was impossible not to focus his attention on his bleeding tongue, stinging and making his mouth feel warm and sticky. Steven decided it best not to speak to Dani anymore, wondering if that was a bizarre way to instruct him to be quiet, so he sat there blankly until she left.

He muttered to himself, bitterly. “Why did she do that?” He rubbed his cheek, feeling his tongue push against the fleshy wetness of his gums on the other side. It was a weird feeling, his mouth already slick with saliva, now his tongue a tiny bit swollen and his mouth swirling with blood and spit.

More beeping, steady and rhythmic this time. The metronome of his life force might have once a comforting reminder that he was alive and all of the potential the world had to offer, perhaps even an inspiring source of music. Now, the sound just monotonously filled the space of the room, an aching reminder that the very reason he was still alive was because of Blue Diamond.

 _You see, Steven, I spared your life… No, by all means, you are not_ natural… _But you_ are _special, aren’t you, Steven?_

“Get out of my head,” he raised one arm to lay across his eyes, blocking the light of the room. He was reminded of Pearl’s touch, gently sweeping across his face, and then the way Holly Blue Agate had prepared to smack him, only to caress his cheek, to take him off-guard…

“Please find Lapis… I hope Pearl stopped crying. Please, Pearl…”

No one responded, and he didn’t expect them to. He was alone, and he was getting better at it, but he hated being left with just his thoughts anymore.

“Better get used to it…” he said to himself, almost inaudibly. The beeping of his heart had become the only voice in the room, but he no longer felt like keeping up a conversation.


	17. Fission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fis·sion  
> noun  
>  _1\. the action of dividing or splitting something into two or more parts_

Connie had never seen Pearl like this before. She had, especially in the past two weeks, seen her teacher break down, her very presence becoming the physical manifestation of grief and sorrow, but she had also seen a certain spark return to her eyes, something in the way they trained that Connie imagined could only be Pearl reliving the war. This, the way Pearl stood before her now, was something entirely different – the gem that had taught her to fight, to be strong, to put her spirit into something worth fighting for, now looked completely and utterly defeated. Her eyes, lately shining with tears or a wave of inspiration, were completely vacant, looking at the ground with her brows knit together in a show of pain; her usually perfect posture had become a formless display of imbalance, leaning on Amethyst for support; the meticulousness of her speech had become a babbling mess of incoherent sounds and words. She had been crying, that much was clear, but there was something in her face that was beyond just sadness. This was suffering.

For the horrible state Pearl was in, Amethyst wasn’t much better. Usually tough and indifferent, Amethyst still had tears rolling down her face from whatever had happened between them. She looked like she had been punched in the stomach, gasping for breath as the two stood there, arms wrapped around each other. In many ways, the two Crystal Gems standing before her looked like they had just returned from a battle, ravaged by a fight that shook them both to the core. The dawn that had winked through the clouds to greet them had been extinguished, gray cloud coverage and a mild fog taking its place.

The green gem who had shared Connie’s space inside the barn (and, who had just shared some unexpected feelings with her, too) was standing beside her as they started to walk outside. Neither of them had expected things to be good this morning, and Connie had been doing her best to put on a tough face in preparation for a difficult conversation, but she hadn’t expected this. Just looking at the two of them made her resolve falter, her mask of confidence cracking. They looked like they had already lost, like Steven was…

“What has happened?” a soft voice spoke to their left. Both short gem and human jumped at the sound, not realizing Ruby and Sapphire had returned from the hillside. Ruby had been resting somewhat regularly, but Sapphire still looked as slovenly as the day before. Her mouth was pressed into a hard line, her expression suggesting she already knew the answer.

Ruby dropped Sapphire’s hand and ran over to the others, holding Amethyst by the shoulder and grabbing Pearl’s other hand. It was a surprisingly effective response on her part, nobody having expected Ruby to fill the role of compassion and support right now.

“You both… what is it? Sapphire said we needed to come quickly, it was Steven?” Her voice was its usual fiery rush of emotion, but she squeezed them in a hug, trying to melt the agony from their faces. Amethyst pulled back and gave them a heartbreaking chuckle, devoid of all her usual brash and mischief.

“Well, if Sapphire already knows, it could be… maybe she should just…” the purple gem said, looking up at Pearl, who moved for the first time since this all started. She looked down at Amethyst and gripped her tighter, weighing on her even harder for support.

Ruby shook her head as the gem in question moved to stand next to Connie and Peridot. “No, Sapphy doesn’t. She just said that something was going to happen, something was changing… She couldn’t see, too many possibilities.” The red gem glanced nervously behind her at her partner, who was tense enough without the added pressure of producing narrative.

Connie couldn’t help but admire Ruby at a time like this, headstrong and doing whatever it took to alleviate Sapphire’s already weighty burden. However, with her fears confirmed by Ruby’s mention of Steven, that something has changed, Connie felt extremely anxious. Pearl’s and Amethyst’s reactions could not indicate anything positive, and she felt the urge to grab the handle of her sword, wrap her fingers around the comfortable weight that rang with potential: _I can make a difference_. Instead, the human girl simply stood and waited, holding her breath, vaguely aware that she must have looked horrible, in her pajamas with her hair unbrushed, but no one else seemed to mind. No one reacted for a moment, but Peridot gave a sharp intake of breath. The exhalation was a hiss, barely words, as she lifted a hand to cover her mouth. Every line of her green face was etched in realization and horror. “ _It was a dream!”_

Then, more stillness. The clouds that had blossomed in the sky had grown larger and more threatening, wind disturbing their otherwise peaceful moment. The human girl felt so many things all at once, so much that her head felt dizzy, worried about the forced fusion, what might have happened, what Pearl could have seen, but she couldn’t afford to get lost in her thoughts like the swirling clouds. She resigned to clenching her fist and furrowed her brow into a concerned but serious expression.

_There needs to be a voice of reason. Focus, Connie. This is too important._

Amethyst looked up at Pearl when Peridot spoke. The tall gem flinched, her eyes narrowing so thinly Connie might have thought they closed altogether and surprised them all when she began to walk away from the others, backwards in the direction of the silo. Amethyst was holding her hand, making sure she was steady, and eventually let her go.

Pearl stopped walking about 20 feet from the barn and the others followed. She turned around, bent down on one knee – a pose Connie had come to associate with her knightly behavior, not her currently dejected presence – and everyone froze. They had all seen Pearl do this before, an image projected from her gem, a memory, a scenario, a thought Pearl wanted to make public. But instead of awe and anticipation gripping the onlookers, they all just stared, nervous, unsure what could come to life before their eyes. And they waited, and waited, and after a minute of no light projection, no memory, no sound, Amethyst gently chimed in.

“Last night, Steven… he came to Pearl in a dream. It was… I don’t know… you all really need to...” It was evident that even Amethyst was struggling struggle to make sense of whatever she had seen, her voice thick with tears, trying and failing to prepare them for what would come.

 _How did Peridot know it was a dream? It made sense now, but I would never have leaped to that. Why couldn’t Sapphire see the details of this, maybe her visions are limited to the physical world? Or maybe she knows and wanted us to see… whatever this is? Not just one message, but now another…_ It was like two ends of a rope, neatly tied off to resist fraying, parenthesizing her best friend’s whole life. One message existed beyond time, his shallow breathing and small gasp representing one end of the space, and whatever this was could only be its foil, framing his entire existence by whatever image was about to come from Pearl’s gem.

Everyone’s minds swirled with a million questions, fears, demands, and hopes. All of them shared a silent, collective understanding that this could make or break, well, everything. Sapphire and Peridot were both looking at Pearl nervously, their body language clear – _well, what happened?!_ Ruby was visible shaking, although with rage or grief it was not clear, and Connie just stood dumbly in the half-circle of gems that looked down at Pearl, mind considering a million worst-case scenarios, worried that what might appear might not be Steven at all, but something worse.

A sniffle, then another, and Pearl used one hand to squeeze the inner corners of her eyes. It reminded Connie of her mom’s habit to pinch her own eyes when she was stressed. Now, it was Connie who was stressed, waiting with baited breath as Pearl tried to compose herself.

“Go on, P. It’s… you know it, it’s so important.”

A few more moments passed, a gust passing through the valley, the grey skies of the morning leering at them as they all waited, tense, wondering. The sky grew brighter as the sun rose, but there was not a single refreshing burst of light that shone through the dark clouds, the overcast greys spiraling silently. An unexpected flash of pink joined their semi-circle, nudging next to Pearl, caressing his head into her side. She released the hand pinching her nose and rested it on Lion’s mane, remembering the day she had run from Steven with Rose’s sword. Now, she was running from him again, but this time she couldn’t escape the image of him in her mind.

Pearl looked forward at the others, seeing no one, her gem flashing to life. It glowed beautifully, washing over them all in a blueish white light, and then there was a frigid stillness for miles.

Materialized in front of them was Steven, but was it really him? Connie had seen him battered and bruised, but this was something else entirely. He was wearing a strange shirt that was almost as long as her nightgown, which only made his own dilapidated appearance look all the more meager. Swollen, bruised, hair a wiry, greasy mess, he stood there beaming at Pearl. Pearl’s eyes focused on him and she couldn’t help but smile, but it was a hollow sort of smile.

_"Oh my gosh, PEARL!"_

His voice, so excited and surprised and so _him_ …it made many of them smile involuntarily and made everyone wince. Amethyst had turned away from them all, crossing her arms and face drawn with pain, not wanting to relive the dream again. Connie had started to cry, Peridot was covering her mouth with both hands, and Ruby was holding Sapphire, whose face was buried in the red gems shoulder. Lion simply had his eyes closed, resting protectively near Pearl’s side.

Pearl opened her arms as the cheery phantom practically leaped into her arms. Almost instantly, Pearl’s sorrow washed away as she immersed herself in the fantasy. She was gripping Steven, but he had none of his warmth like last time.

They hugged and twirled and laughed. The laughter was one of the more horrifying parts of the whole episode, Pearl laughing and crying with this shadow of Steven, disbelief and worry painted plain as day on all of their faces. There was something infectious about Steven’s laugh that would have usually brought them all to smiles, but this moment produced nothing but wide eyes filled with dread as they watched the scene unfold. Eventually, Pearl kneeled again, and she placed Steven down onto the grass. He looked nothing like himself, yet it felt like he was _right_ here, like they could just reach out and touch him, grab his hand, never let him go…

_"I wonder if it's because the cuffs are gone? Wow this is just, wow, so weird. To think, a dream about breakfast, and then, bam! Wow. I can't believe it's really you, Pearl."_

Connie had begun to laugh and cry too despite herself, amazed to hear his giggle. It felt like it had been ages, and though he looked so different, his voice had not changed.

_"Geez, and I was dreaming about food? Of all things, I would have expected Amethyst…"_

Then, Steven’s head turned slightly, away from Pearl, who looked worried. He stopped talking unexpectedly, and they all thought the same thing. Luckily, Pearl voiced their shared concern.

"Steven? What is it?"

_"Pearl. Listen to me. I don't know how much time I have."_

Everyone was surprised to see how quickly he had gone from his usual, wholesome self… to this fraction, less than even half-gem and half-human. He was… fractured, still Steven underneath, but his being was obscured by layers upon layers of pain and hurt and fear. His voice had dropped to a whisper, his expression going cold and vague, worry weighing down the bags under his eyes. What had caused him to turn so worried so quickly? What was he thinking? His face, his shaking hands, his change in tone… it made it so difficult for them all to watch, like an accident that was terrible yet fascinating. One moment fine and the next, despair. Quick and disastrous.

_"Just, there's something I need to tell you. All of you – tell the others."_

"Steven, what's going on? Do you know where you are? Are… are you hurt?"

_"That doesn't matter. Just, please Pearl, tell the others. Don't come after me. Don't try to find me. It's… I'm not worth it."_

Steven had frozen in Pearl’s memory, but not the same way he had when he had gone tense in Pearl’s grasp moments ago. No, this was like hitting pause on a movie, and everyone realized Pearl had begun to sob again.

Connie spoke, her voice sharper than she intended. “Pearl…”

Amethyst had turned back to her, placed a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged away from the comfort, an angry gesture. A moment later, still crying, Pearl resumed.

"What? Steven, don't be ridiculous. Of course we'll come after you, why would you even say that?"

_"No! Please, Pearl. I don't know what Garnet can see with future vision, but don't come. There's… a lot has happened."_

Connie winced at that. She knew what he was going to say, thinking about Lapis’ reaction and Sapphire’s broken voice. The forced fusion… Ruby deadpanned, and Sapphire was freezing in her grasp.

Pearl continued. "Steven… what did they do to you _?"_ He winced when she spoke.

_"Did Garnet… do you know… Opalite?"_

"Opalite? No, Steven, it's Opal. You remember, a giant woman.” Pearl hummed the melody to a song Connie had heard him play on ukulele a dozen times. Connie didn’t know what Opalite was, exactly, but given the pain and fear in Steven’s voice, she could easily guess.

_"R-right. Never mind. Just, promise me, Pearl. I don't think I'll get this chance again. Promise me you won't come after me."_

Pearl moved her hand to his, resting on her shoulder, aghast and confused and hurt by his words.

"Steven… I…" They just stood there for a moment, but Steven gasped before she could say anything. He continued, his words coming like rapid fire, so fast Connie was struggling to keep up.

_"And Lapis… Pearl, tell Lapis I'm sorry. I never understood or appreciated what she did for me. She… I can't even imagine. Just, tell her."_

"Lapis? We can't find her, she flew off when..."

_"You can, I know you can. If anyone can bring her back, it's Peridot. Let her help. And, tell Peri I'm happy she stayed. The last time we talked, she said she wasn't important – tell her that wasn't true, and that I'm sorry I laughed. She is so important: to me, to Lapis, to Pumpkin.”_

Involuntarily, the others glanced at Peridot, the green gems eyes overflowing with her own tears now. Whatever they had expected, it wasn’t a message like this. How could he be saying good-bye? How could he give up?

“ _And Garnet. Tell her how much care about her. I got her note – in the cereal bowl. Tell her I love her too, and thank her for me, for everything.”_

At this point, Ruby was crying and holding Sapphire, both broken at their shared message, sad at the realization that he hadn’t seen them since Garnet had split. Whatever force of nature brought the heat to Ruby’s heart, the flame was snuffed out; whatever calming forbearance Sapphire usually provided was locked away in her icebox heart.

_“And Dad… Tell him I'm sorry, maybe he can take care of Lion, or go back on the road or something. I love them all. Please, tell them. And Amethyst…Tell her I'm so, so sorry. She'll understand someday. I just… can't…"_

The misery in his voice was ubiquitous with the feeling that had spread over all of them. Connie’s stomach responded by knotting painfully and her hands were shaking – with anger or grief she was not sure. Why was he doing this? Did he not believe in them? They could save him, she knew they could. Pearl and Steven were both crying now, hurting and hugging as Steven leaned into her shoulder.

_"And Connie… there's so much I wanted to say to her that I never did. Tell her I'm sorry that I wasted her time. I… love her, Pearl, I wish I could have told her. But I don't want to hurt her anymore. Please, keep training and let her go on missions and stuff if she wants to, or let her move on. I'll miss her so much..."_

How long had she wanted to hear him say that? She had waited, worried that he wouldn’t feel the same way, maybe since the day they met, to hear those words. She dreamed about them, drew embarrassing doodles in her school notebooks, thinking about them, wondering what would happen if she said it first, too scared he would be freaked out. They had been so close, he was her biscuit, and she was his jam. They created Stevonnie. She could feel his feelings in the fusion, the bond they shared and the love that gave them their power, but how could she have known it wasn’t her own thoughts in her head, since she had always known all along that she loved him. Why hadn’t she said something? Why hadn’t she done something while he was here?

Connie was aware that the others were looking at her, save Pearl, who was still staring at Steven.

"Steven, why are you doing this? We can come find you… we can save the day, like we always do." Pearl went to hold him closer, but she drew her hand back when she touched him. Instead, he drew back from her arms, and held her at a distance. His voice had a decisiveness to it that stung almost as much as the words themselves.

_"No, Pearl, this is it. It's over, Homeworld… they won."_

"N- no! It doesn't have to be this way, Steven. Let us – s" The others jumped back, not expecting Pearl to be cut off, for her eyes to go wide with fear as Steven leapt away from her. He was grabbing his wrist, a symbol glowing brightly in the light of the hologram. It was hard to make out at first – had it been there the whole time? – but as Connie squinted at his shaking wrist, trying to make out the shape, it glowed and flashed with alarming intensity. It almost looked, but no, it couldn’t be… a _diamond?_ The others must have already came to the same realization, because there was a wave of angry gasps that passed over many of them, some followed by clenching fists and even a few tears.

Steven was crying again, holding his wrist, the pain in his voice evident. He dropped his hold on his hand for just a moment and flung himself into Pearl’s arms once more.

_"Good-bye, Pearl... I don't think I'll… ever see you again. I love you."_

And just like that, the projection ended, and they all stood in a numbing silence that was broken only by Pearl’s tears.

Somehow, Connie’s legs carried her back to the barn. She thought about screaming, punching something, unsheathing her sword and ravaging something, _anything_ that would feed her current instinct to destroy.

The message was swelling painfully in her brain, replaying again and again, wondering what had happened. What cuffs was he talking about? Why hadn’t she been there for him? Why didn’t he want to be saved? What happened at the end, the pain, the diamond? Overwhelmed with anger, she slammed her fist into the wall, tears streaming down her face.  
_I love her, Pearl, but I don’t want to hurt her anymore._

_I love her, Pearl._

_I love her._

She couldn’t escape the maddening thoughts of Opalite on top of all the emotions, unable to even fathom how tortured he must feel. Was it anything like Stevonnie? It felt like Stevonnie had died, burned alive by the misery that emblazoned his voice. Then there was his broken spirit, the way his voice cracked, and he was thinner and so, so sad… How could they hurt him like this? Why would Homeworld do this, to him, her best friend?

_I love you too, Steven…_

Not daring to speak the words aloud, Connie cried harder, struggling to accept that she might never tell him how she felt.

 

* * *

 

Amethyst had become angry. Very, very angry. The first time she watched it hurt, but the second time it enraged her like she’s never felt before. She couldn’t stand to watch her friends and family come undone like this, for Steven to just give up, to say good-bye. How could Homeworld win if there hadn’t even been a fight? It wasn’t going to end like this. No, she wouldn’t let it.

Connie walked back towards the barn once the playback had ended, leaving the others just standing there. Amethyst might have made to stop her, to tell her that it wasn’t worth being sad since we were going to get him back, but she let her go. What Steven said about her… she deserved a moment alone.

But the others? This was unforgivable, and Amethyst wasn’t about to stand there and let them act this way.

“What is the _matter_ with you? Even you, Ruby? We can’t just sit here like sad sacks and give up!” Amethyst’s hair was even messier than usual, her eyes flaring with fury behind her bangs.

Ruby had not expected the hostility, and in typical Ruby fashion, responded with anger.

“What are you _talking_ about Amethyst? How can we go get him… he doesn’t…” She was fuming now, melting the ice that had formed around her feet, shaking as she raised her voice.

“Do _not_ give me that, Ruby. You fought a freakin’ war. Don’t tell me you didn’t want to quit a million times, but here you are, quitting on _Steven._ And _you.”_ Amethyst had turned accusingly to Sapphire, who looked neither calm nor collected.

“You _knew_? You knew what was happening to him and you didn’t tell us? What else don’t we know? We could have been there and back by now – I don’t care what _future vision_ says, he needs us and we’re just sitting here doing _nothing!_ ”

Sapphire said nothing, but Ruby stepped in front of her protectively.

“Don’t yell at her! Can’t you see she’s doing her best?” The two were getting madder and madder, their voices filling the field. All organic life had become quiet, all the tell-tale signs of a storm forming in the clouds. 

Amethyst knew she was crossing a line, but she didn’t care. She was too furious, forcing all of her anger and sadness in her words and spitting them out at Ruby. “Well her _best_ is really showing us how to do a whole lot of nothing. Her _best_ is Steven crying, alone, in space. What kind of plan is that? What are we even _doing_ here?”

The red gem had reached her breaking point. Executing patience and respect all while trying to handle her own guilt, her own sadness, while worrying about Sapphire, missing being Garnet… the dam had broken, and she was flooding with rage. Raising a hand and stepping towards the purple gem, she summoned a gauntlet and was breathing heavily.

“Oh yeah, you wanna go? Fine, bring it,” The purple gem had reached into her gem and retrieved her whip, prepared to fight sense into Ruby if she had to.

_They’ve got to snap out of this. He needs us more than ever right now – just because he gave up doesn’t mean we have to._

Things quickly escalated out of control. Amethyst wasn’t sure what had become of Peridot and Pearl, but they were both nowhere to be seen. Sapphire was standing a ways behind Ruby, breathing heavily as her grasp on both present and future was swept out from under her. Ruby was huffing in her effort to tame Amethyst, who had whirled herself into a spinning ball and was flying viciously at Ruby. The grass had become torn up, dirt flying everywhere, and the red gem tried to stop her head on with her mighty fist. It worked, sort of – Amethyst’s momentum pushed Ruby into the mud, down and down as they struggled, but ultimately Amethyst was flung to her side and zoomed towards the lake outside the barn.

The purple gem had been working on her reaction time, however, and flew across the water rather than down into it. She stopped herself against the side of the barn, splintering some wood, and pushed her weight against the barn wall, back towards the red gem. Her whip ready, she grabbed Ruby by the ankle and came at her fast, knocking her to the ground and shoving her elbow into her stomach. Ruby, her rage just growing with each passing moment, began to burn the ground beneath them and, consequently, singed Amethyst’s arm. She flinched away, not expecting the sudden flash of pain, and Ruby used her chance to punch Amethyst plainly in the face. The purple gem went flying backwards, skidding into the ground, groaning while she pushed herself up.

“Ruby! Stop!” It was Sapphire. She had run between them, standing with her arms outstretched in front of Amethyst. Both gems were annoyed by this, each mud-covered and cross, feeling angry and betrayed for different reasons.

The red gem was fuming, her face reddened with chagrin and by Sapphire’s sudden interruption, but she couldn’t raise a hand to her. Instead, Ruby lowered her gauntlet but did not withdraw her weapon and approached them, slowly, scorching the Earth as she paved a path of emotion.

“Why, Sapphy? Why would you _protect_ her? She yelled at you, she – ”

Amethyst wondered the same thing herself.

“No Ruby, she’s right. We have to move, we have to act. Something’s changed.”

 

* * *

 

Given what had happened in the past 12 or so hours, Pearl would never, _ever_ have guessed she would be here, with this company.

After the group had begun to disperse, Amethyst getting angry and Connie disappearing, Pearl simply remained on her knees, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

_Why, Steven? Why would you want me to promise that? Was it wrong to show them? Was that supposed to be private, just you and me? I wish you were here, and now the others are falling apart. Garnet may be our leader, but you’re what keeps us together… What would Rose think of me, seeing her fail not only the Crystal Gems but her own son?_

Lost in every sense of the word, Pearl did not even realize that she was being dragged away by the wrist, into the hills. Lion was walking on her left, and Peridot guiding her by the right. She could hear the din of arguing, Ruby now shouting back at Amethyst, but gave it little mind.

“Do you know how this thing works?” The green gem was pulling on her wrist again, but they had come to a stop. Pearl wanted to ignore her, ignore the tugging that reminded her so much of when Steven would reach up and grab her when he was little, ignore everything and everyone. But Peridot’s grip was firm, determined – not like his, tender and warm. In fact, this was almost painful.

Pearl’s voice was raw, weak, and she was confused. Where was Peridot taking her?

“What? Let me go…”

The unlikely trio had walked farther than Pearl realized, the echoing of a battle ringing in her ears. Or was that another memory, betraying her consciousness, the war resurfacing in her brain? How many times she had those same shouts and grunts and undeniable sounds of battle? How many people did she have to lose before her life was over?

“No, Pearl. I need you. Please, _please,_ Pearl. This is for Steven.” She looked down at the green gem who returned her stare, hard and fierce. What was she talking about? What was for Steven?

“How does _what_ work? You’re not… making sense.” Against her better instincts, Pearl was curious and wanted Peridot to continue. Was there really a chance that she could do something for him?

The force behind Peridot’s voice was surprising, her constitution practically radiating with commitment and her face keen with the look strategy.

“This. How does it work?” A small hand rested hesitantly against Lion, who absolutely dwarfed Peridot in stature and muscle.

“The lion? He doesn’t _do_ anything. It’s… _he’s_ the one who tamed him.” She felt his name automatically rise up to her lips, but she bit her tongue. She couldn’t – not yet.

“It has to! I know what to do – it can find Lapis. We need to find Lapis!”

Pearl snatched her hand away from Peridot’s grip, disgusted and annoyed with the selfishness and manipulative motives behind her actions. How could she even _think_ about Lapis right now, safely on Earth, when her baby was out there? How could she lure Pearl away, tempt her with a glimmer of hope that this had anything to do with Steven, just to betray her trust.

Pearl had to bury every urge to punch Peridot in the face for the second time since they’ve known each other. “ _What_ are you – ”

“Hear me out! Please,” Peridot had flinched at Pearl’s sudden aggression. The taller gem hesitated, but only because she knew Steven would not have wanted this. He had given Peridot a second chance.

She explained herself, slowly, nervously watching Pearl’s shaking fist. “He – he said in the message. Why did he list Lapis first of anyone? He wanted her to know something. We need to find her, we need to show her the message. He said it himself – we _can_ find her. It’s what he wanted. It must be important.”

There was a long silence, the gust of this dark day passing between them as Pearl stood and thought to herself. Had she cared enough, Pearl might have thought it beautiful, the peaceful quiet of the country as the wind played in Peridot’s hair and majestically flowed through Lion’s mane. It bordered on the sublime, but her mind was too busy, swimming with possibilities.

 _Steven loved Lapis… but Steven loves everyone. It was just a coincidence. There’s no way… but, then again, Peridot may actually have a point. His message to everyone else had been so clear, so precise. Connie, that he wanted her to train and continue on; Garnet, the note in the cereal bowl; Peridot, the last conversation they had; his Dad, with Lion and his music… All of them had been so specific, but Lapis and Amethyst._ She listened to his voice, so close in her mind but so far in reality, again and again. _There’s… something off. She’s right. She has to be right, there has to be something… What had made him so upset about Lapis, and why did he flinch when he said Amethyst’s name?_

Finally, Pearl spoke, her voice quiet. “What can I do?”

Peridot smiled up at her, glad to have Pearl on her side on this. She was going to need her help.

“Do you know how it, er, he, works? We rode him to the moon, and Steven just kind of…” she threw up her hands in a grand gesture, not really expressing at all what Steven had done.

“Can he help us find Lapis?” she finished.

The taller gem bit her lip and crossed her arms, genuinely unsure. “I… don’t know. It really only listens to him,” she furrowed her brow, thinking. “And sometimes, it doesn’t even really do that.”

They both stood there, more theoreticians than practitioners, trying to think of what Steven used to do to get Lion to listen. In response, the pink beast just looked at them both, expressionless, stoic in the grassy hills.

After some thought, Pearl spoke (partially for Peridot’s benefit) by addressing the concern pointedly towards Lion. She stared him straight in the eyes, and he returned her gaze with an equal intensity.

“It’s, uh, Lion, right? You… brought him to me once, do you remember? The Strawberry fields, the site of the war? Do you remember? He went in your mane, he brought out Rose’s flag.” Her voice was desperate, still muddled from all the sobbing, but she was trying to speak deliberately to see if he understood. If he did, he made no move to acknowledge the memory. Instead, Lion just continued to sit perfectly still, staring at her.

Peridot was watching them, hopeful and on edge – she _needed_ for this to work. There was no other way to catch up with her, but Peridot had only experienced a ride on Steven’s Lion twice, and it had been less than pleasant on both occasions.

Prepared to give up, she turned to Peridot who urged her on, waving an encouraging hand.

“Uh, right. If you do, we want to find Lapis. Lapis Lazuli. Do you think you can find her? It’s… it’s very important that we find her.” Again, Lion made no attempt to move in anyway. For all he seemed to care, he might as well have been alone in the countryside, waiting for the storm to begin.

Frustrated, her nerves shot from all of these ups and downs, Pearl stood up, turned away from Lion and threw up her hands. If her appearance wasn’t clear enough, her voice was the embodiment of exasperation. “This was pointless. Lapis won’t be able to help us anyways. She’ll come back, but Steven won’t.” Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to compose herself as the hurt and loss rushed back to inundate her.

As quickly as she spoke the words, Lion stood up abruptly. His sudden change had caused them both to jump, staring at him as he narrowed his eyes dangerously. Pearl wanted to smack herself for not considering that the beast might be _violent_ if Steven was not present…

To their relief and surprise, however, Lion turned his head and released a deafening roar. A few birds flew out of some nearby trees who had retreated to the forest for coverage from the coming tempest. Peridot and Pearl exchanged a nervous glance, both less than excited by the prospect of riding into a mysterious warp hole with an untamed, magical Lion, but they had asked for this.

_This is for Lapis. For Steven._

Before they lost their courage, the two mounted the creature’s back and hugged the him tightly, hoping beyond hope they could at least do this for Steven, at least deliver this message. Lion broke into a sprint, hurling them all forward towards the warp, and Pearl had noticed just the slightest touch of rain had begun to fall before they disappeared. If nothing else, she wanted to see his requests through. She had shown everyone, delivered his heartbreaking message as requested, but it had not yet reached the ocean gem. Pearl had been unable to agree to his promise, but she could at least do this.

 

* * *

 

The air was the only place she could feel free anymore, and even that was limited. Lapis had been flying for nearly three days now, anger and frustration melting with the passing hours, only to be replaced by disappointment, sadness, regret, and loneliness.

It was stupid, she knew, to fly away from the others. By now, the fusion had to be done. Her sweet little Steven, the best beach summer fun buddy she could ask for, the first one to treat her with respect, the one who healed her despite all the wrong she had done, was dead. Maybe not physically – or maybe he was, she never felt like she could trust Sapphire again – but his life had extinguished the moment that Holly Blue Agate had taken him.

A thousand piercing little visions pricked at her brain painfully, at which she would try to fly higher to escape the sensation. The clouds were often warm from the sun and wet with Earth’s water, so they provided some small exoneration from the ache she was feeling. It wasn’t an entirely effective method, though, because after a while the thoughts would reach her again, the idea of the Homeworld gem catching him from above, forced to fall into her outstretched arms, or maybe she would twirl him, like she had once been, or maybe the Diamonds had found another way to force it, something far worse… something she couldn’t bear to imagine.

Lapis had considered flying away completely, into space and maybe even after Steven more than a dozen times, but each time she came back to a weighty guilt. The damage was done, and she had been useless. She of all people could have been the one to stop this, to warn Steven not to let his guard down, of how fusion like that twists your mind, contorts your will into something far greater and far worse than yourself.

As if her own mind had been mocking her, she felt a twinge of Jasper’s audacity flicker in her stream of consciousness, telling her running from her problems was pointless.

_But if I don’t keep moving, I’ll be trapped again. Trapped with these thoughts, these feelings…_

And in a moment she was back there again, under the ocean, tied to Jasper and holding on with all her might. They struggled endlessly, for months and months, so connected that Lapis wasn’t sure where her own mind ended and Jasper began. Was the voice in her mind now even the same as the one she had left behind, in her prison cell on the Hand Ship? She couldn’t even remember what she sounded like before. Forcing Jasper down with her like that… she had felt so powerful, so much bigger than she could imagine. It was the presence of Malachite herself that had been the one to break their bondage, her own will bridged the gap that separated gem from gem. There was a deep, seething hatred that overwhelmed everything else as they grew closer, the bulk of consciousness being slowly overtaken by what they had become.

The tears she had been shedding took Lapis unawares. She lowered herself to just above the sea, her feet grazing the top of the water and terrifying the aquatic life below. This ocean, this world that had become her unintentional home, where Lapis Lazuli had died and emerged from the sea rose Malachite and whatever fragments of her original essence that remained. Looking up into the star of this galaxy, the sun that gave Steven, her crops, and Pumpkin life, she thought it ironic now how they had switched placed. Now, Steven had been the one to die out there, in the place she had once longed to call home again, his only remains to be whatever their fusion left behind.

To her surprise, a comforting image of Peridot entered her mind, giving her pause. Lapis stopped her flight, hovered above the sea for an extended moment, thinking of her companion. This whole thing was devastating in a way she could never explain to Peridot, her once-enemy that had quickly become one of the most valuable people in her life. How could Lapis ever let Peridot in when her heart was lost in the waves below and her purpose lost in the stars above? She should go back, Lapis finally decided, and give Peridot the peace of mind that she could have all of the barn back for herself. Earth had no appeal for her anymore, not ever fully aligned with the Crystal Gems and Steven being gone. She could find a new world out there, uninhabited, where the oceans did not remind her of everything she could never be again.

As if in a dream, the very green gem she had resolved to return to (if just to say goodbye) appeared in a commotion of light and sound a dozen yards away. She was accompanied by Pearl, who Lapis had a particularly difficult time with, and Steven’s odd pink pet.

“Oh my _stars_ , ah, that was…” Peridot had begun to say, her voice shaking but she sounded accomplished. She shook her head, trying to take in her surroundings but struggling under the sudden brightness of the day. The place she and Pearl had just escaped from had been dark for miles, though she had seen the sun break the dawn, the skies threatening to scour them with rain any moment. She blinked and looked around, nervous that the lion had failed to take her to her desired location, absently making a mental note that lions could walk on water, and gasped when she saw her.

Lapis returned her surprise with a mostly blank expression, with the exception of her mouth which had opened into a comically round “o.” For a moment, the ocean gem was convinced she had gone delusional, wondering if the tendrils of her what remained in her mind had finally weathered away to nothing. She was wrong, though, as Peridot quickly confirmed her physical actuality.

“Lapis, I’m so gl – ” was all she had managed to shout out before she vaulted herself into the water. Pearl stared down at her, thinking she should do something, but she was still reeling with too many turbulent emotions for her reaction time to be worth anything. Instead, Lapis slowly drew in her fingers to a half fist while raising her arm, and in a moment, the green gem broke through the surface.

And to her amusement, Peridot acted like she had not just embarrassingly flung herself into the ocean. She just continued to speak with the same enthusiasm as Lapis held her above the ocean.

“Lapis! Yes! I knew I could find you. I… uh, can you put me down?”

Saying nothing, Lapis created a smooth plane of impregnable water below Peridot, and then released her inelegantly from the water bubble with a pop. She dropped to the surface, landed on her backside, and Lapis had to keep herself from laughing.

She opened her mouth to speak again, but Lapis raised a hand, vaguely aware that Pearl was watching them while still astride Steven’s creature. Though she felt a bit lighter with her company, Lapis had already made up her mind. The blue gem set her face seriously and looked down at the green one.

“Don’t, Peridot. I’m not coming back. I was actually coming to see you, to say good-bye.”

The small gem had not prepared for this, thinking Lapis would be as excited to see her as she was, but her dismissal did little to phase her.

“You can’t, well, not yet. I know you must hate it, here, everything, Lapis, but I… I wanted, no. Let me, uh” Peridot was flushing green now, her mind returning to the conversation she had with Connie only hours earlier.

_When you love someone, you just try to put the pain to the side. Use it as fuel rather than dead weight. It’s not that it’s gone, but it’s not as important as the way you feel about them._

In response to her stuttering, Lapis raised another hand to silence her. She spoke softly, not wanting to hurt Peridot for trying.

“Thank you, Peridot, I appreciate the friendship you gave me. But it’s time for me to go, there’s nothing left here for me.” Lapis again felt uncomfortable with Pearl sitting only a few feet away as they said goodbye, but there wasn’t anything she could do to get rid of her.

_It’s better this way, now that I think about. Since she’s here, I don’t have to go back, again. I don’t have to think about this place any longer. I can finally be free._

Peridot’s brain was in a flurry as Lapis looked down at her sadly, her tone leaving no room for discussion. _Fuel, not dead weight, Peridot. Just, say something!_ “That’s – no! You’re wrong. This is your life, and I, Steven, or anyone can’t make you stay Lapis, if you don’t want to. But you don’t have to go, you don’t have to give up what we’ve… all made here. You still have the barn. You still have Pumpkin and corn and... you still have me. And Steven – he’s not back, but, well actually, it’s complicated.” She took a breath, focusing herself. _Just put the pain to the side._ “Just, Pearl, could you?”

Lapis’ head shot back and forth between them at this exchange. Everything Peridot was saying was sweet, enough even to make her face feel warm, but the mention of Steven had made those feelings go dead immediately. She reached one arm across her chest, grabbing the other, half-hugging herself in anxiety.

“What is it? Has something happened?” _Why are you acting like this? There’s nothing you can do for him now…_

Pearl shifted her sitting posture, favoring two legs on one side rather than straddling the pink lion, took a deep breath, and lowered her head. Lapis just looked at her, confused, unsure what she was getting at. Was it another trick, her gem, the fortress of her prison for so long being brandished in her face, a taunt of some kind? That made Lapis tense in anger, the waves around them becoming more violent.

After a moment, though, a light appeared from Pearl’s gem and was stationed above the water. It was… _Steven?_ Lapis flew forward towards him, reached her hands out, only for them to phase through his light-constructed form.

_Of course… an illusion. The Steven you knew is dead. We’ve – I’ve already accepted that._

Peridot spoke up when she watched Lapis fall to the water on her knees, longingly searching her hands that were unable to hold him, devastated by the sudden hope that was dashed as quickly as it came. She looked up from her hands, searching his loving face for something she couldn’t explain, crushed by the misery of being unable to reach him. They watched beside each other as he flew forward into Pearl’s arms, the two of them exchanging hugs and cries. The projection made her Peridot’s throat tighten, but she had to stay focused.

“He came to Pearl in a dream last night. He’s… alive. But he’s hurting so much, Lapis. Keep watching.” Peridot had walked carefully across the plane of water that stretched across the sea, now standing at the blue gem’s side. Peridot did not reach out to touch her, despite wanting to be comforting, knowing her aversion to physical contact.

So the barnmates were at an equal height as they watched Pearl experience her dream turn quickly to a nightmare. Lapis had remained on her knees, her eyes affixed to Steven’s face, her own heart breaking as she watched his expression change from that smile she loved to a blankness, then turning to fear, void of all the innocence and kindness that she loved about him. The hologram was traumatizing in a way Peridot could never have expected, but it was like Lapis was feeling mind be torn apart all over again, but somehow even worse. This wasn’t just her own self-inflicted torture, done for what she deemed a good cause no matter what it cost her, but now it had been passed to Steven. Steven, who was so well-natured, broken in an irreparable way, a change she recognized immediately. Pearl and Peridot made no acknowledgement besides confusion when he mentioned _Opalite_ , indicating to Lapis that they still didn’t know.

Beside herself, Lapis cried out in agony, slamming her fists onto the water that supported her. How could they do this to him? Why hadn’t she been there to stop it?

“Please… stop, enough. I can’t watch anymore.” Lapis had been reduced to sitting on all fours, her fists clenched painfully as she remembered it all and saw everything flashing through his own eyes. The tearing, the connection, the hatred, the power, the regret and impotence of your own will… it all swirled in her mind as she felt the sting of tears in her eyes.

Pearl had paused, and Peridot felt horribly guilty. The white gem was obviously doing this at a great personal expense, the green gem watching as she tried to hold her Steven, fingers just perfect resting on the image without disturbing the projection. Peridot was second guessing her plan as she returned her attention to the blue gem, knowing they hadn’t gotten to the important part yet – his message to Lapis – but she was hesitant to continue. She hadn’t expected this kind of desperate reaction, hearing the pain in her voice as she let out a cry.

Nervously rubbing her hands together, Peridot decided she had to continue. If they could _just_ reach the next part, they could stop. She had prepared what to say to her blue friend once the memory had ended, once they reached her part of the message.

“Lapis, just a bit more, there’s…”

“ _I don’t CARE!”_ Lapis slammed her fist down again and the ocean exploded into crashing waves, sending Lion and Pearl hurling in one direction and throwing Peridot back into the water. The vision of Steven, the horrible, horrible vision, had ended, but Lapis felt like all progress she had made since agreeing to call Earth home had vanished with along with the projection of her friend. She couldn’t even mind Peridot yelling her name as she sank below the surface, appropriately plummeting down to join the ocean gem’s heart at the bottom of the sea.

 


	18. When One Door Closes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has several encounters at the threshold of open doors.

The hourly visits had gone through eight cycles since Steven felt Pearl slip through his fingertips. It was impossible to know how long he had been asleep, so he relied heavily on guesswork when he tried to estimate how long he’s been in his odd little clinic. He expected it must have been 12 hours, if not longer, since he was originally brought here: two when he first arrived, maybe four asleep, and eight since then. He had disrupted Danburite’s regular pattern a few times when he would break into a cold sweat, his heart pounding, returning again and again to everything he tried to forget. His brain had turned into a classic film reel, continuously spinning the same dozen frames no matter how hard he tried to distract himself.

 _Opalite. Amethyst. Blue Diamond. Pearl. Holly Blue Agate. Garnet. Jasper. Lapis. Peridot. Danburite. Dad._ _Connie. Opalite. Amethyst. Blue Diamond…_ When he lingered on Connie or his Dad or any of the others back on Earth, everything didn’t hurt so much. He envisioned them all at the Temple, maybe out on the beach together, joking and laughing, and, hopefully, continuing their lives without him. The thought made him smile sadly, happy they could live, happy he could do this for them.

When his mind wasn’t eclipsed by duress, Steven would occasionally flicker back to assess reality, amazed and thankful at the difference half a day made in his recovery. His skull no longer ached with a dull pain from the back of his head, the swelling in his ankle was all but gone, and his wrist was feeling somewhat better – he had to guess it wasn’t healing quiet right, since it felt like Holly Blue had literally crushed his bones to dust, but it was hard to know.

Danburite continued to be his only visitor, her once calming presence turned menacing after she had hurt him around several hours ago.

Once he had reached hour six, she appeared at his door per usual, but brought with her something unexpected – a large basin of plain, old water and a sponge. It was incredible, how something so simple on Earth, something he had completely taken for granted, could so completely fill him with joy. The common conventions of a shower, running water, and the ability to brush his teeth had all been lost to him, so he wasn’t surprised when he felt tears in his eyes.

Heliodor had entered the room after Dani and directed her attention to Steven. Her voice still made him flinch, always dripping with venom. “Clean yourself. Do nothing else.”

Her warning might as well have fallen on deaf ears, Steven having no intention to do anything but savor every moment he had to himself. Starting with his teeth, then moving to his face and his hair, he enjoyed the moment of sweet bliss. Layers and layers of sweat and dirt and blood came off of him, dirtying the water with each soak of the sponge. It was hardly sufficient compared to his tub or shower back home, but it had been the most human moment he’s had since leaving Earth.

He had stopped once the water had turned a dark, murky brown. Unsure if he was supposed to let Heliodor or Dani know, he resigned to sitting and waiting. He flexed his fingers, loving the feeling, impressed by how clean his fingernails remained in their hold. After another minute or so, Steven’s eyes lingered on his branded wrist once more. He traced the outline of the diamond lightly, feeling the odd way it raised above his skin. It was a difficult thing for him to explain, the sensation new and unfamiliar, but he was interrupted a moment later. The water was taken away, his cuffs returned, and he returned to reclining in bed, alone with nothing but his thoughts.

That was two cycles ago, but still he lingered on the subject from time to time. In some ways, he still related it to Lar’s explanation of a tattoo, but he had seen tattoos on other people at the beach before. Those settled into your skin eventually, flat against every freckle, wrinkle or curvature of the human body. This wasn’t like that, though. It was raised like when he burned himself on the oven when he was younger, forming a painful blister on the singed area, but that still wasn’t quite right. That had been continuously painful until it healed and it was imprecise, an amorphous blob against his the back of his hand.

The mark of his wrist was slightly lighter than the skin that surrounded it, like when he would use a white crayon on white paper – not _really_ changing the appearance, but the slight disturbance could be seen if you looked hard enough. It never hurt inside of his cuffs, but the two times it had burned him had been agonizing, flaring yellow from within. The real mystery of it wasn’t what it was, though, but why he had it in the first place.

The only logical connection Steven could associate with the mark was to his security monitor, since it hurt when he didn’t wear it at certain times, but it felt like something more than that. It was just… a feeling he had, he thought to himself, shifting under his blankets. It could just be a hands-off way to enforce he wears his cuffs, but Homeworld had made it clear that they were not shy to punishment. If it was a compliance issue, they could easily force that another way.

Thinking himself into circles again, the movie skipped ahead to Blue Diamond.

_Thousands of years I mourned her, and for what?_

The pink walls that enclosed him made him fidget uncomfortably, very aware that the one Blue Diamond was mourning owned this vessel before her death. Her death… his mother had seen to that, leaving him with… well, whatever this was now. Not really life, not really human, not really gem, not really anything. Blue Diamond had left him with dozens of questions, but one thing had been perfectly clear – he was the one who had to take responsibility now, his existence, as she called it, a paradox. He didn’t belong anywhere in the order of Homeworld, and he wasn’t the same as the inhabitants on Earth, but he still _was_. His purpose had been decided long before he made his deal with her: he had always been a prisoner, caught between two worlds in which he could never belong, and now the rest of his life was just about him accepting his magical destiny. A prisoner from birth to death.

The beeping in the room was growing louder, but not to its usual peak of panic that would send Danburite in after him. He was still a few miserable spirals away from that, but it probably wouldn’t take long for him to get there. Steven was really trying to be okay with his decision, trying to move on to acceptance, but it was so hard. So, so hard – what would come next? He didn’t think he could handle another experience like Opalite, sure that he would go insane if he tried to rip his mind a second time. It was silly, he realized, but he envisioned his brain like budding roses, coming out of the ground, but they had been plucked or snapped halfway up their stems. Post-fusion, the roots had not been torn up, so maybe the roses would bloom again, but right now the stems just swayed vaguely in an existential breeze. They might wither and die, or they might recover, but for now, the roots were intact. Steven was almost certain he wouldn’t survive another encounter of that caliber.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened. He expected Danburite to come in with her monochromatic digits and unemotional face, her objective predictable: to stabilize his breathing and leave without a word. But, to Steven’s surprise, it was Heliodor. Her long orange form, intense gaze, and extremely short hair made her every bit as intimidating now as when he had fallen from the rafters of the beach house.

“You have been summoned.” She moved to stand at the end of his bed, her face expectant as he sat there, staring at her.

“By who?” he blurted out, regretting it immediately. Steven was really struggling with the whole “speak only when spoken to” directive that all Homeworld gems seemed to operate under. His heart was racing once again, filling the room as the orange gem studied him.

Then, after a pause, she simply gestured with her hand for him to get up. “Come.”

Was that one of the only words she knew, Steven wondered absently, hugely relieved that she did not hit him again. His eyes looked at hers, a wordless exchange of mutual distrust, but he complied; she was giving him a chance to stand on his own, not to be dragged away like the first time.

Without use of his hands, it was a bit difficult as he had been under the covers of his bed. Steven detangled his legs one at a time, bending awkwardly to throw them over the side of the bed, and turned his head to one side in pause. He was about to ask what to do with the tube in his arm – surely they wouldn’t just rip it out? – but he thought better to just wait for instructions.

Cautiously, Steven approached Heliodor, worried that she might kick him or grab him by the collar again, but she had turned her gaze away from him. She was looking out the door, her eyes narrowed in a deadly stare. Steven shivered at her expression, her eyes and lithe body reminding him of a predatory snake, ready to sink her fangs into some unsuspecting prey. Eyeing the door nervously, Steven hadn’t considered that whoever summoned him might come to him, only for his nerves to be dispelled when Danburite entered. His tense muscles relaxed slightly, relieved it was at least someone familiar.

Heliodor did not greet her upon entry, staring daggers while her countenance grew ever more deadly. Confused and nervous, Steven just looked between them, waiting for someone to do something. Finally, Dani walked towards Steven and raised a hand, and he felt himself shrink away automatically, but no pain followed. Her fingers flew in many directions, halting the beeping and the tubes and dismissed all of the probing fingers that had remained with him around the clock. With the exception of his secured hands and his long shirt, he felt almost normal for the first time. Pain more-or-less gone, semi-clean and fully clothed, he watched Dani turn to leave again. To his surprise, she stopped in the doorway and glanced in his direction.

“Be wary, half-human child. Self-sacrifice is not noble, and it will kill you if you are not careful.”

And just like that, she walked out, not waiting for any sort of response.

Steven’s eyes went wide, shaken by the implications of her statement. Where was he about to go? What would make her say that? Was that genuinely a warning, or was she taunting him?

Steven did not have an opportunity to seek any answers, however, Heliodor already halfway out the door. She paused when he did not follow and turned her head slightly, saying nothing.

Steven would have expected her to turn and grab him roughly, or to have smartly dismissed Dani’s passing comment. Instead, the orange gem just stood perfectly still, her directive clear: follow.

_Dani’s message, Heliodor’s passivity… were they, was this… pity? Mercy?_

Shaking his head back to reality, Steven quickly picked up his feet to follow. He wasn’t good at this whole prisoner thing, always going along according to someone else’s agenda, being expected to know what to do without being told, making someone repeat themselves…

The two walked along the path Steven was pretty sure had brought them here from Blue Diamond’s ship, expecting it must have been her that requested his presence again. Now that he was more-or-less healthy, he imagined that she had something for him to do (or, more likely, for something to be done _to_ him). He tried to study his surroundings as best he could while keeping up with the tall gems stride, being easily outpaced, his four steps to her one. There was no room full of Rose Quartz gemstones this time, but he remembered that oddly shaped, sloping room well, and they did not turn towards that direction of the ship. Instead, they headed towards the exit hatch he had originally expected, but the destination was all wrong.

The large entryway that had connected them to Blue Diamond’s ship was replaced by a solid wall, a panel to the side suggesting that it was a door. This connecting parts of the ship had not been closed the last time they passed through here, so was Blue Diamond’s ship gone? In that case, were they going out to… space? That thought made him cringe anxiously, knowing full well that gems might not need atmosphere, but he certainly did.

Heliodor had paused a few feet from the door, so Steven did the same. He thought about telling her that if she opened the door to the void of space, he would die almost instantly, but they had to know that by now. If they had gone through so much trouble to keep him alive, they wouldn’t kill him by making such a simple mistake, right?

The two stood there for a long moment, not speaking, no noise that Steven could hear, save his own breathing and the rhythmic beating of his heart pounding in his ears. The hybrid was nervous, but he tried to focus on his own inhales, and exhales…

_Remember, this was your choice. You chose to stay. It was you, or them. So breathe, breathe…_

Another minute or two passed before there was a soft _click_ , at which Steven sharply took in air and held his breath incase his supply of oxygen was ripped away, but it was for naught. The door opened from the middle, half rescinding into the ceiling and half into the floor. The sight beyond was almost as breathtaking as it was terrifying. He hadn’t been brought to Blue Diamond’s ship, or to confront the expanse of space. This was Homeworld.

Heliodor started moving again almost immediately, so Steven had to react quickly as the sounds and sights triggered all of his senses like wild fire. Everything was alight in a brilliant rainbow of colors, blues, greens, yellows, reds, purples, orange, whites, and a thousand others marking the ground, the walls, ships and gems. Steven couldn’t believe it, he never thought he would see this place. He remembered the strain in Pearl’s expression when she longingly spoke about the world she left behind, but he had never envisioned it was like this.

They were walking along some sort of pier, or something close to it. There was other militarized-looking ships docked around them, and there were so many gems it made his head spin. A brigade of Ruby guards, tall green gems and short yellow ones, bulky ones like Jasper and a colorful group of Bismuths; some gems wore limb enhancers, some had yellow diamonds white diamonds, and blue diamonds, and for each kind of gem Steven recognized there were 10 more he had never seen before. An exhaustive variegate of a culture he had never known, Steven was awed as he hurried down the pass after Heliodore.

All of the ships were different colors and shapes, too, but each was emblemized clearly with a white, yellow, and blue diamond that overlapped, creating a terrible triforce, leaving no question to whom these gems were loyal. Steven turned behind him briefly, just to catch glance at the door from which they had made their exit, to see that it was different. The glow of their vessel was dull compared to the dazzling light that seemed to emanate from the cores of everything here, and it was the only thing in the lustrous sea of color that was pink. A piece of Pink Diamond’s base… he must have been housed in a fraction of it the whole time, never realizing they had detached from the main facility.

Craning his neck in wonder, struggling to process so much at once, Steven felt fear creep up through his chest, studying the faces and the technology around him. This was a different kind of fear than when he had woken up at Blue Diamond’s feet, or when he was trapped in that darkened abyss. Here, he looked as all of the gems around them divided into a walkway as Heliodor marched through them, not looking or speaking to anyone. All of their eyes were on him anyways.

The Diamonds must have announced his – or Rose Quart’z? – capture, given their watchful eyes. No one uttered a word to him, which he found surprising. He would have expected heckling or taunts or even an angry mob by how he imagined Homeworld’s hatred for him. But there was nothing – no sound, no mob, no suspicious whispers, just the idle sound of the ships around them and Heliodor’s commanding footfalls, echoing into the beautiful, frozen docking area.

With nothing else to do, Steven tried to memorize the sophisticated curvature, craftsmanship, and magnificence that was this mysterious place. The room itself was absolutely massive. The walls were white and blue mostly, radiating with that same iridescent light that came from all gem tech. There were columns of yellow that suspended the floor beneath them above and below, hissing with energy. There were brighter columns that branched out in every direction as they approached the connecting platform at the opposite end of the pier.

The expanse of metal that Heliodor marched towards split into three distinctive pathways where it connected to the docks, the floor illuminated to match the doors themselves: yellow to their left, white down the center, and blue to their right; Steven need not ask what this color assignment meant. Turning his head, Steven audibly gasped when he saw a gem he recognized, someone he had nearly forgotten about in the passage of events. It was Apatite, as frightening as he remembered, her eyes narrowed as she watched them trek through dozens of other gems. She must have been at least thirty feet away, leaning against a column that rose from the blue floor, but there was no mistaking her: the gemstone placement, blue and in place of her mouth, central to her visage, was unforgettable.

Steven had to crane his neck to see her, which struck him as odd at first. He guessed they would be getting closer to her, expecting her to join Heliodor as she drove them down a path into the unknown. Steven had always imagined the two as partners, but they were moving away from her. At risk of being left behind, he turned his attention back to Heliodor, always a few paces ahead. She did not hesitant, refusing to deviate from the exact orders she had received, marching straight forward off of the dock. Crossing the platform in an eerie silence, Steven gasped as a massive white door came into view. He began to choke on his own breath, fear tugging at his heart and filling his lungs with noxious gas, realizing at last who had summoned him.

 _White Diamond_.

As quickly as the thought came to him, he was back at the moon base all over again, studying her mural on the wall. It felt like so long ago, as if he had seen it in another life, but the memory came all the same. She had been carved larger than the others, the only to face forward in their portrayal. Her hands were outstretched in a show of power, surrounded by so many planets…

He hadn’t the necessary time to panic, or fear, or run, or hope, or do much of anything before the door opened, beckoning them forward. Heliodor did not break her stride, but Steven’s legs slowed as his every muscle screamed at him to turn around. A tiny voice spoke in his head, wincing when he realized it was not his own. A fraction of Opalite, dormant in the coils of his broken mind, whispered softly in his ear _…_

_If you go through that door, you will die._

His escort had already crossed the threshold, however, when his pace had started to slow. He was only a few feet away before he came to a full stop, looking at Heliodor. She paused a few feet in and turned to face him, but her face was blank. Beyond her, Steven gazed into a brightly lit, very, _very_ long hallway. Surely he couldn’t flee now that he was on Homeworld, but how could he step through the door? It was like signing up for a suicide mission, something he really did not want to do.

_Be wary, half-human child. Self-sacrifice is not noble, and it will kill you if you are not careful._

His brain stirred as he stood frozen in front of the door, a memory rising as Dani’s warning played through his mind. This was his own memory, to which he was thankful, but he wasn’t looking through his own eyes – not exactly. It was the day he had awoken in a watermelon Steven, just before his encounter with the Cluster. Jasper had fallen into the schism in the Earth, and Lapis was unconscious. But none of that was what mattered in the – it was the image of Amethyst, Garnet, and Pearl looking down at him, all of their faces painted with love. They looked so proud of him.

_You got this, dude._

_Be careful, Steven._

_And Steven, we love you._

Steven lowered his head, squeezing his eyes tight as he worked up his nerve, and stepped forward. He was doing this for them. Another step. _You got this, dude_. Another. _Be careful, Steven._ Almost. _And Steven,_ Just one more step… _We love you._

A moment later, the door closed behind him sealing, away the universe.

The hallway was white all the way through, like a storybook depiction of the path to heaven, but there were no clouds, no pearly white gates like they had in cartoons. All he saw was the orange gem that had dragged him from his home, and a cold, long hallway absent of all color but filled knowingly with light.

This was not heaven. This was hell.


	19. En Masse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot reflects on her time on Earth, an unexpected hailstorm storm breaks out at the barn, and Connie takes a nap.

Darker and darker became the world as she sank, a stone bounding downwards to the bottom of the sea. Peridot probably could have tried to swim to the surface, or propel herself off the substratum of the sea floor when she reached it, but she didn’t bother. The way Lapis had shouted, the heartbreak this was causing her, she should have been more sensitive, should have asked if she was okay…

_I won’t give up on Steven, and I won’t give up on you either, Lapis. If you ever change your mind, I’ll be here, waiting._

The green gem closed her eyes and felt the weightlessness of her body as she went further and further down, thinking to herself. Her plan hadn’t worked, she hadn’t thought things through enough, but she would have to go up eventually. But for this moment, she was content to close her eyes as the water swirled around, letting herself be pulled by the current.

_Isn’t that something? Amethyst had said this all started because something had gone wrong at the bottom of the ocean, the corrupted gem that had separated Sapphire and Ruby… Now, here I am, down in the ambivalence of the sea, isolated from the others. I had a mission, and I failed._

Above the surface, Lapis had covered her mouth with her hands, salty tears staining her cheeks. She felt horrible, _so_ guilty, not meaning to hurt anyone. But now she had hurt everyone, hadn’t she? From stealing the ocean to what she did to Jasper to letting this happen to Steven… and now she had buried her friend, perhaps her only one left in the universe, underwater.

Lapis knew that one of her biggest problems was that, ironically, she could never face her problems. Part of her wanted to fly under the water and scoop up Peridot in her arms, apologize for what she’s done, explain all of her hurt and why this wasn’t the green gems fault, but a much louder voice in her mind told her to leave while she could, not wanting to put anyone else in harm’s way, to run as fast as she could. That’s all she could ever do – run.

Her water wings expanded on impulse, and she was lifted into the sky, farther and farther as she looked down at the world below. This would be the last image she would have of Earth, the waves shifting restlessly as they consumed another piece of her identity; it made it worse that it was beautiful. Soft blues, sparkling with glimmers of white and green as the algae played tricks on the eye, with the foamy whites of water yielding to water, a complex relationship that bonds the sea together but throws it endlessly against itself. The way the gray rocks jutted from the sea unexpectedly, keeping you guessing, and the occasional flash of pink that didn’t – _wait._

The ocean gems final rumination was interrupted when a painful explosion of force collided with her left arm, pushing her against the breeze. To her surprise, Pearl had leapt into the air and launched a laser from the tip of her spear. Cursing under her breath, her other hand shot up to nurse her burnt arm. As always, Lapis felt her flight or fight reflexes kick in – and she always chose flight.

Turning away, Lapis quickly flapped higher into the sky, the sun her zenith as she moved herself further from the surface, only for a spear to zoom past her. She really, really didn’t want to fight anymore, wanted to abandon this mess once and for all. Given all of the trouble she’s caused, the last thing she expected was for _Pearl_ of all people to be fighting for her to stay, but another laser flew past her, and another, Lapis trying to swerve as she kept moving upwards, but the next found its mark on her right leg. Again, the blue gem faltered in her flight, her leg stinging painfully as the burn settled in. As the barrage continued, Lapis narrowly missing another that flew past her fact, tuning into Pearl’s venomous shouts.

“You _can’t_ leave!” Accordingly, Pearl readied another spear in warning, the agile swordsman balanced effortlessly on the lion’s back. The creature had become perfectly, ready to act as Pearl’s buoy over the ocean so she could execute another move, if necessary.

“Steven needs _you_ to see this _!_ ” Propelling her weight off of Lion’s back, Pearl flew towards in the air, her eyes and face revealing the hurt and ferocity that had been her mask for the past 12 days. Lapis couldn’t help but tense when Pearl said his name, feeling anger bubble within her. _How could they stoop so low, to leverage his pain against me, to keep me here…_

Her fury unbridled, Lapis snatched Pearl out of the air in a fierce aquatic grip, the sea below an extension of her ire. Pearl struggled in the hold, muttering to herself things Lapis could not hear, and the blue gem began to crush the white one in her hand. As rapidly as the pressure increased, Lapis was disturbed when Pearl, a usually dignified fighter, had begun to cry, but it was obvious that it was not from the attack. The ragged sound that caught in her throat, the way her eyes narrowed in shame, the way her body went limp under the hand… this pain was internal, Lapis knew. She had seen it many times before.

Realizing that she had done just what she tried to avoid, Lapis relaxed the hand and felt a fresh wave of guilt crash over her. _All I ever do is hurt._

“Just… leave me alone! Steven’s dead, _dead_! I- I can’t do this anymore!” Lapis howled at Pearl, surprised to find that she, too, had begun to cry. Maddened by their sense of loss, both gems were struggling through intense, though deeply different, kinds of guilt.

“He’s _not_ dead! He – he can’t be. He’s out there somewhere! He was so – so desperate, you have no idea, but he made me swear I would show you what he said. _He_ wanted this! _Just let me do this for him!”_ The phrase gave them both pause for a moment, remembering how they had each shouted such similar words at him in very different contexts, desperate to protect him from the dangers of the universe. Now, they were fighting each other, having failed at the one thing they had in common.

Lapis studied her distrustfully, her muscles screaming at her to fly away, forget this place. She couldn’t keep doing this, couldn’t keep remembering Malachite, and now ‘Opalite’, the urge in her body to extend phantom limbs and to blink eyes she no longer had, the pained expression on Steven’s face when Pearl did not recognize the damage that had been done to him.

“Please… just, listen to what he says about you. Peridot, she…” Pearl glanced down to the crashing waves that carved blue hills and frothy valleys below, very aware that the gem in question had not resurfaced.

“She was certain it was important. That’s the only reason I came. You can leave if you want, but… he _needed_ you to hear this first. Please, it’s… Steven, he…” The veil of confidence that the infamous renegade had presented for the sake of fulfilling this request cracked along with her voice, choking on his name, her grief raw and uninhibited. Pearl _needed_ this to be important, it was her final chance, her last hope to do something right by him.

Lapis involuntarily rubbed the burn on her left arm, looking and feeling defeated. She turned her head away, eyes squeezed shut as if she had just been thrown into a bright light. “I- I can’t help you. Nothing he could say would make this right. Have you really not figured it out, what they did to him?” The regret in her voice wasn’t intentional, but she couldn’t help it. Being alone with her thoughts had been one thing, but trying to vocalize those feelings posed a different kind of challenge.

Lapis was absently aware that she had brought them closer to the water, her grip slackened somewhat as she held Pearl above the surface. The held gem could likely break away if she tried, but the both had dropped their guises of hostility. All the while, Lapis could hear Jasper in her brain, telling her how foolish it was to misuse this opportunity to get her revenge, to squander her power… Why was she coming back down, why didn’t she just fly away now? She’s already said goodbye to anyone who matters, it’s time just to _go…_

As if on cue, they both gasped when an unexpected presence exploded from the ocean.

Peridot had come up – not for air, since she had no need for it – but to press on. She had taken a brief time to try to ignore the hurt in her heart, to remind herself that she needed to put the pain to the side, to fuel herself, not weigh herself down. Steven needed them, all of them, and she had done her best to bring Lapis back to the team. She couldn’t force her, would never want that, so she could only move forward. So, when she broke through the surface, her eyes began squinting around for Pearl.

 _That clod wouldn’t leave without me, right? That would be quite irritating._ She saw them a moment later, two sets of eyes staring down at her as Lapis hovered gracefully above the ocean with Pearl restrained in a watery grasp. Lion was nowhere to be seen, and the two above her looked equally disheveled.

Shocked, but unwilling to let this chance slip through her fingers again, Peridot sprang into action, her voice desperate as she shouted into the sky above. “Lapis, wait! Don’t go – not yet! Please, let Pearl finish! Please, Lapis!” her voice sounded odd, like she had recorded and re-recorded a message several times and maximized the volume on her tablet. It took her a moment to correlate the grittiness in her speech with the salty wetness that streamed down her face, realizing that the sensation was not entirely a product of the sea dripping off her form.

This was too much. The pleading of Pearl, desperate and (despite all Lapis disliked about her) the loving way she spoke about Steven, and now Peridot crying, begging her to wait. She couldn’t win; if she stayed, she would continue to hurt them all, and if she left, she would at the very least crush the two of them (if for different reasons). Body shaking, Lapis hesitantly smoothed out the surface of the ocean once again, bringing them all to equal footing.

Peridot wanted to approach this carefully, having rushed her first attempt. There was something amazing about her fortune on Earth, always getting a second chance – she had learned the first time, the hard way, not to blow it. A vague image of Steven floated in her mind, how hurt he had been when she called Yellow Diamond, only for things to quickly spin out of control…

_You… You clod!_

Smirking despite herself, horrified and proud to this day of her actions, Peridot walked towards Lapis steadily, stifling her tears and her fears. She did not make to have Pearl start the dream again, not yet. Lapis needed to hear this, first, she realized that now. Lapis had turned her leg around, glancing at the mark Pearl’s burn had left, trying not to meet the green gem’s eyes, obviously uneasy to be back on ‘solid’ ground (although this was not what she would classify as conventionally solid)

_Don’t mess this up, focus Peridot…_

She was standing in front of Lapis now, noting that Pearl had turned her back at them and was watching the sky. It was so sunny here – the light danced on the water, a ballet of empty skies and endless blues.

Looking up, cheeks deep green, Peridot began to speak, a bit faster than normal, but her voice was resolute. “Lapis Lazuli. When we first crossed paths, I had limb enhancers. I didn’t have to look up at you, like this; in fact, I looked down on you. It was… _I_ was bad,” Peridot looked down at her hands, her real fingers flexing at the memory. In response, Lapis looked back and forth between Pearl and Peridot, obviously confused, expecting the projection to resume so they could move past this. What was Peridot getting at?

“It had been so hard for me to readjust. I felt like my body was my own, but unfamiliar at the same time. Those appendages… they were a part of me, and without them all I was reminded of is my inadequacy. My _lack_.” She raised her head to look at Lapis again, her eyes shining with feeling.

“And then, the longer I was here on Earth, I continued to learn things about myself. Some good, some bad… sometimes, I wish it could all go back to normal, back to a time when my life still had order. I felt safe, things were predictable. But now, my life is a mess. You’ve seen it firsthand. But this mess is _my_ life now, and it could be _our_ life, if you let it.” Peridot rubbed a small green hand against her face, trying to mask her embarrassment.

“It took me losing a part of myself – _literally_ , my own arms and legs – to realize how my old identity had become a prison. I thought I could be nothing but Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, powerless without limbs that never really belonged to me. But now I can be Peri, or Peridot, or whoever I want to be. I never would have learned I had metal powers if I had stayed on the singular path Homeworld had carved out for me.”

She let out a heavy sigh, her face focused and thoughtful. “And then, I remember the day Steven showed up with you at the barn. I remember it _so_ clearly. All of those feelings from before, the way I had treated you, how uncaring I had been… I hated myself for it. I panicked when you showed up, tried to put on a brave face, my old life catching up with the new. And still, after everything, you gave me a chance. I – I couldn’t believe it. Steven… he gave me another chance at life, but you gave that life value. Here, on Earth.” She looked up towards the sun, smiling sadly at the atmosphere above. After a pause, she returned her gaze to Lapis. The strange expression of the blue gem did not register for Peridot, too wound up in her own stress to notice.

“There had been no reason for you to forgive me – indeed, it was totally irrational for you to do so. But you did anyways, and it made me realize that the only life worth living is one where forgiveness is possible. With forgiveness, life doesn’t have to be so lonely; I don’t – we don’t – _time_ doesn’t exist on a linear path forward anymore. Here, we can go back and fix the mistakes we make along the way. You freed me from the guilt of what I had done, who I had been, and you didn’t have to. You didn’t just forgive me, Lapis, but you helped me to forgive myself.  

“If I kept being… the way I was, with an orderly, single-minded existence, there was nothing for me but whatever came next, next, next. I wasn’t able to stop, to appreciate how it could feel to just _be_. I could never have understood the magnitude of what Steven did for me until I understood what _you_ had done for me. You’re… always so hard on yourself, I just want you to realize how important you are. To me. Because of you, I don’t have to measure my life anymore by time, but by worth. I… I owe you so much, Lapis. I was bad, and you were good. Now _we_ can be good, too. Please, let me return the favor – let me help you forgive yourself.”

Peridot extended a hand to her, palm facing up, a single tear betraying her otherwise impressive resolve as it streaked down her face. The water at their feet absorbed the show of emotion, and for a long while they stood there with no sound but the calming pattern of wave meeting wave, a hushed audience patiently waiting for Lapis to answer.

Whatever happened, Peridot had made up her mind: if Lapis still wanted to leave, she would respectfully accept her goodbye and return to the barn. From the start, Peridot had never wanted Lapis to feel like she _had_ to do anything. But, if she did want to stay, the green gem promised she wouldn’t let Lapis carry her pain alone anymore. They would face Steven’s message, Lapis’ past, and whatever else might happen… together.

The universe is a cold, unfeeling place. It doesn’t care for humans, or gems, or anything. It just is, was, and will be. And now, somewhere in that expansive, limitless void of space, was Peridot and Lapis Lazuli. Their moment was inconsequential on the scale of all corporeal reality, but right now, it meant everything to them. Lapis had dropped to her knees when Peridot had finished speaking, rejecting her hand, grasping her whole tiny body in a hug instead. Her fingers were softly holding her head from behind, sinking into her hair. Lapis was holding her tightly, not wanting to ever let go. Whatever fibers of her mind that had been left behind by Malachite did not flicker painfully at this moment, a usual reminder of the damage she had done and how alone she felt. Instead, for the first time in so long, Lapis felt her heart surface from its crypt beneath the water. How could she have ever tried to leave? How could she have ever been so blind to the way Peridot felt? How could she have been so blind to how _she_ felt?

Peridot was utterly stunned, the fear and nerves that had carried her this far finally releasing her from their grasp. Seamlessly, she went from the grips of anxiety to the arms of Lapis. Carefully, she wrapped her own arms around her, tears escaping them both as the embraced for a long moment. Indeed, Peridot was right – right now, time might not as well have existed, because it didn’t matter how long they held each other. This was a feeling, and it couldn’t be measured.

 

* * *

 

 

The rain was falling in earnest now. Amethyst had been prepared to scream when Sapphire had tried to defend her, but her voice caught when the blue gem had turned to face her. She had been crying, hard, racking sobs, and separated her bangs to look down at Amethyst in the mud. Amethyst had never seen her quite like this – they were all sad, but _this_ was unprecedented. Ruby could not see her, the usually lovely gem turned away from her, and she was too angry to pick up on Sapphire’s feelings, so only Amethyst could see the pain painted across her face.

“Please, don’t fight. Please Amethyst, I’m sorry. I should have told you, you’re right, this is my fault…” She had sunk to her knees, the two small gems coming level on the ground, heartbreak shattering her composure.

“I’m so- sorry. I just wanted to protect you. To protect everyone. But he, Steven, I can’t…” her face fell into her hands, Ruby now catching up with them and placing a hand on her partner’s shoulder. Sapphire flinched away from her grasp, inconsolable, the storm laying waste to the peaceful countryside. Around them, spare parts, grass, branches and anything else imaginable had begun to fly through the air, the deluge unconcerned by the affairs of gems and humans alike.

“What – what is it? What changed?” Amethyst was fearing the worst, Steven’s voice still fresh in her mind.

_I don’t think I’ll get this chance again._

Dematerializing her whip, Ruby followed suit with her gauntlet, both feeling the shame wash over them with each drop of rain against their skin.

In a split second, the world flashed to light as lightning illuminated the grassy plains, and Sapphire screamed. “ _I can’t do this anymore!_ These visions… He’s never coming back. I can’t – I _can’t._ ”

Mortified, Ruby settled on the ground next to her, not touching her for risk of her lashing out again.

_If only we were Garnet, she wouldn’t have to tell me what’s wrong, she could show me. It’s not right, she shouldn’t go through this alone…_

“I should – should have been honest from the start. Maybe we could have stopped it. _It’s over._ ”

Sapphire choked out another sob, her misery overwhelming.

Amethyst could tell she should stop demanding answers from Sapphire, but all of this was hurting her, too. These cryptic messages, these flashes of truth and then nothing, it was driving her crazy. Now, she was crying too, crawling towards Sapphire, stopping on her knees in front of her.

“He’s… you can’t mean, he’s going to… _die?_ ” The word tasted like poison on her lips, causing her to bite down the moment she spoke them. It couldn’t be true. It _can’t_ be true.

Ruby felt helpless as she watched the others, not accepting the words, flicking between anger and fear and despair. Then, the fields lit up again as another burst of light illuminated the sky, and Ruby watched the light leave her vision as she searched the storm for the bolt. It left a strange shadow outlined against the darkness, like it was there even though it wasn’t, eyes unable to process the flux between dark and light. The image made her heart ache anew, selfishly, wanting to be Garnet, to be helpful, to be important, to comfort Sapphire – she could feel the etching of their fusion in her mind’s eye, but it was only a trick, an unobtainable illusion.

If she was ever going to reach Sapphire at this cross in the void, she would need more than a shadow of understanding. She needed the truth – everything.

Quietly, so quietly they almost missed it, Ruby spoke into the pouring rain. “What did you tell Lapis and Connie?”

Sapphire was still crying, her grief unbridled, but rain became hail as it pounded down around them, so Ruby knew she must have heard her. Amethyst had buried her own face in her hands, hardly paying the other two any mind.

True to her character, Ruby repeated herself with only a twinge of anger. “ _What_ did you tell Lapis and Connie, Sapphire?” She stood up and turned to face the blue gem, her hands shaking.

That had gotten Amethyst’s attention, rarely having ever seen Ruby get mad at Sapphire like this.

“I – it’s too late, it doesn’t matter…” Sapphire had stuttered out, unconvincingly. If there was someone she couldn’t close up to, it was Ruby. They had shared the same mind for literally thousands of years.

“Tell me, Sapphire. Now.” Amethyst eyed them both nervously, uncomfortable with the prospect of the two driving a wedge further between them. The purple gem fell back onto her backside into the mud and scooted away from them ever so slightly.

Sapphire resolved to hanging her head, her hands covering her eye. “I can’t. Ruby, if I do, it’ll be over.”

“What would be over, Sapphire?”

“…Us, Ruby.”

That had taken them both by surprise. Not only did Sapphire provide them a direct answer, but could what she say really be so devastating that they would lose Garnet forever? They would lose _each other_ forever?

_How could she possibly put me in this position? Stay ignorant forever, aimlessly hoping that one day they’ll be stable enough to be Garnet again, at the expense of something critical about Steven? What if it could mean his life? What did she mean it was ‘too late’?_

“You… we… fine.” Ruby was shaking horribly now, her own tears joining the storm that raged around them.

“This is about Steven. This isn’t about me, or you, or us. If there’s even a _chance_ that it could help save him, then I want to know. I have to know.”

Sapphire looked up from her hands now, crushed and disappointed by her own ego. There was no future where their relationship would survive this, but, fine then, if that is what she wants. Sapphire already knew how the conversation would go, so she stood up and faced her, a force of nature mightier than any tempest dividing them: love, undermined by a misguided urge to protect, out of sync. The pair looked into each other’s eyes, bracing for the end of the thousands of years that bound them.

Amethyst, meanwhile, was feeling extremely awkward. It felt like all she could do anymore was impose on people’s intimate moments. She backed away a bit more, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from them. Ruby had convinced Sapphire to tell them what happened, why they had been kept in the dark, and she couldn’t pass up this chance.

The countryside was being blown apart by the gale-force winds, whipping around red and blue and purple in a dizzying display of colors. Had the three of them all not been so emotional, they would have worried after Connie’s safety in the barn, the storm feeling like a hurricane passing through their sanctuary away from humanity.

Sapphire was shouting now, over the storm or through her own madness she couldn’t be sure.

“They fused with him – they forced him to _fuse_! Do you _understand_ , now, Ruby?”

The red gem would realize post factum that it was this moment, the involuntary way she covered her mouth, the way her eyes grew wide, the branch that would smash into her would be responsible for carrying away her distinguishing red headband. But right now, she didn’t notice any of those things – she couldn’t care enough to mind the world falling apart around her. That’s what this was, wasn’t it? The only reason she had lived was because Sapphire had propelled her off the sky arena, because she found love, because Rose Quartz had spared them, because they promised to protect the Earth, because they promised to protect Steven. What retrograde of reality was she spinning in that pushed her beyond the rain, beyond the sky, back through her own life to a place beyond time, beyond feeling?

There was nothing, _nothing_ more precious to the bodies, mind, and essence of a gem than fusion. To intimately, completely and totally give yourself to another person… How could she even conjecture that sort of feeling? There was a reason Garnet was her favorite part of herself – it brought out every little fragment of her entirety that she loved and offered it to Sapphire, the first person to treat her as more than _just_ a Ruby guard, the one person she trusted more than anyone in the world. She felt like gravity had become broken, rain coming up and sideways, wanting to sink to her knees in the mud but the weight of her body would not drop her.

Amethyst, for her part, was horrified, but it was nothing like Ruby felt. This was personal in a different way, and suddenly she sympathized with Connie more than she had expected. Smokey Quartz had been an accident the first time and they weren’t the most stable fusion like Stevonnie, but it had been something special that she shared with Steven – the first full gem to fuse with him, to create a new weapon, to overcome boundaries together in a special kind of way. To her, Steven was a better fusion partner than either Garnet or even Pearl in some ways – not because Sugilite wasn’t special to her or she that she did not care for Opal’s bounding grace – but because to her, to Smokey, they felt like equals.

_Us worst Gems stick together, right?_

_That’s why we’re the best._

Though she felt like she should be unraveling, screaming and tearing at her own hair, she couldn’t commit to any one feeling, any one course of action, the thunder and lightning acting upon her pain on her behalf. The world around her was so full of energy, the elusive atmosphere of Earth collapsing in on itself, relieving the pressure mounting in the sky above. Amethyst felt no relief, however, but the storm raged on.

Sapphire watched the horror and pain break over their faces, all while the very bonds that tied her to reality had broken, leaving her stranded on an abstract island of awareness that shoved her violently away from the ones she cared about. Words were not sufficient to explain the duality of her hopelessness and hopefulness – knowing what was going to happen yet, but desperate to carve out something more, damning the odds. A comet, usually bright and dazzling, she had lost the tail that marked her trajectory and illuminated her past and her future. Now she was resigned to hurl aimlessly on a path around the universe that was befitting her failures – alone, quiet, without purpose.

Desperate to get away from it all, the blue gem turned and ran into the hills, walking the unyielding path of fate: she would run, and Ruby would not follow. They would see each other again in a few days, but they would never come back from this. It was so clear, so obvious, but Ruby forced the knowledge out of her. She had never wanted this, but Amethyst had been right, if she had wanted to change something, she should have acted, spoke up, had the agency to reject the future. Her complacency was her own undoing, so she couldn’t even pity herself.

The winds were stronger when Sapphhire had almost made it to the warp pad, their force rising as she moved out of the valley that surrounded the barn. She wouldn’t have even bothered to notice if the rain had not felt like sheets of ice digging into her skin, prodding and stinging her.

_I deserve this. This, all of this, it was my fault…_

Staggering, Sapphire was almost there, prepared to fling herself _away,_ to nowhere in particular, her heart heavy and feet failing.

_How could I have been so stupid, so selfish… Ruby, Steven…_

A final breath to steady herself, Sapphire felt the final drops of rain that marked the ending of the best part of her life – but, wait, rain? It had been hail and sleet but a moment ago…

She gasped when she was spun around, seized by Ruby tightly, warmth spreading over and through her small frame.

“But, Ruby, what…?”

The red gem’s voice was all fire. “I changed the future for you once, Sapphire. Did you really think I wouldn’t do it again?”

She squeezed her tightly, Sapphire melting into her grip, completely overcome with a million new visions that all totally escaped her right now. This moment was theirs, the present more precious to her than anything she could have imagined.

“I, but, he… we, Ruby, we can’t…There’s more, I didn’t tell you, I couldn’t…” The blue gem withdrew partially from her hold, enough to look her eye to eyes. That poofy, tousled hair, those eyes filled with love and sadness, her arms, warm and safe... Sapphire wanted to resist her, to tell her that they couldn’t fight fate, but her words died in her throat when Ruby spoke, her voice smoldering.

“Shh, it’s okay. Do you trust me?” Sapphire blushed as Ruby suddenly moved a hand to her waist, the other finding her thin blue fingers, intertwining them with her own red ones. A perfect fit.

Sapphire need not answer her, her eye closed but her face smiling for what felt like the first time in ages. The comfortable familiarity of their togetherness, for this moment, was enough. On Earth, all storms pass. Twirling, sparkling and giggling for the first time in so long, they no longer needed to fear what was ahead. They could face it, Homeworld, the hard truths, anything, if they were together – Garnet would make sure of that.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes, you win, and sometimes, you lose. But what about the times when you aren’t even a part of the game, the ending came before the first page, and the final bow closed the show before it had even begun? Was that really losing, or even winning? To Connie, it felt like nothing.

Not that the human was feeling nothing – quite the opposite – but that everything she had worked so hard for had become _null_. An absence, a lack, a void. This ambiguity must be the closest humanity will ever achieve to dividing by zero; taking nothing and splitting it into winning and losing, the containers rejecting the forms. An odd visual played through her mind as she thought more about it, like a drinking glass was being poured into a cylinder of water. It was backwards and wrong, impossible in this three-dimensional existence.

In the spirit of water, the girl returned her focus to the pouring rain that pitter-pattered around her, leaking through the roof in a few less secure places around the barn. She had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Universe, whose worried voice contrasted sharply with her hollow one, and agreed that when the storm passed he would come pick her up. There was nothing left for her at the barn, in Beach City, and in many ways, on Earth. The thing she wanted most was far above her, so far it was beyond comprehension, a star that would burn out before its light would ever reach her.

The day had only just started when Connie returned to her sleeping bag. At first, she hadn’t been sure what to do – she punched a few things, her chest heaving and eyes streaming angry tears. Then, she changed into her training gear, wanting to take her emotion out with a sword rather than blindly destroying things. After changing, she made for her bag to retrieve Rose’s sword, to feel like she had a purpose, that she could do something meaningful despite how hopeless everything appeared. Connie’s hands resurfaced instead with his cheeseburger backpack, the odd stiffness of the material forced into different shapes and colors and textures to accommodate the novelty. Gently, she picked it up so as not to disfigure it further, inspecting the parts that remained: a single worn strap that was dirty, but otherwise unmarred; most of both buns were torn unnaturally apart, almost like an accordion, but intact; the shredded pouches of the internal condiments, none of them coming away unharmed. Connie released a sigh when she held it to her chest, hugging the last physical piece of him she had on this earth.

_What am I doing… This is pointless, stupid. He begged us not to come, for me to keep on with the gems on missions, but not on any kind of mission to save him. He… told me to let him go._

Hands shaking, the girl’s earlier ferocity evaporated, replaced by aimless sadness. She made a decision, no matter how much it laid waste to her heart and balled up the colorful oddity in her hands. After digging out the tattered piece of his pink shirt, too, she squeezed them into as tight a ball of fabric as she could, wretched open one of the barn doors, and flung it outside as hard as she could. It had been raining hard, and her feet became wet, but she didn’t care. She watched as it immediately became soaked, only for it to be carried away by the wind a moment later.

That was before, and now, she was in the sleeping back again, donning her training uniform, her eyes closed and trying to force sleep. Her night hadn’t been particularly restful so it wasn’t a challenge for her to become drowsy, but it was crossing the threshold into unconsciousness that irked her. The painful beating of her heart, the self-doubt, the tears that would involuntarily spring to her eyes in anger and grief were as erratic as the claps of thunder from beyond the shelter of her enclave.

Despite her initial difficulty, the girl must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing she knew, a colorful figure was kneeling above her, rousing her gently from sleep.

Connie’s eyes blinked slowly into awareness. “Wah… Pearl?” But it was not Pearl, as her eyes adjusted she realized the figure was purple and larger than the swordmaster.

“ _Garnet?_ ” At this, Connie flew up to a sitting position, which she immediately regretted. The sudden brightness, change in posture and lack of food made her head dizzy and she painfully grabbed the side of her head. How long had she been asleep?

“What, how…?” The rest of her sentence was lost as the slowing drips of rain composed an orchestra of peace, if just for a moment. Garnet, who had been gone for as long as Steven, was here, in front of her, visor on and every confidence returned to her. She had grasped Connie gently to stop her from speaking, and now the two were hugging in a comforting, knowing embrace.

“I’m sorry, Connie. You have been so brave.”

The girl had no words, so utterly confused and overwhelmed by the fusion’s appearance and her own aching head. Steven being gone had consumed her heart so totally that she hadn’t even room to process how Garnet’s absence compounded the disunity that had become the Crystal Gems. The spirit of the group had been stolen and their leader divided, but the pain of the soul had hurt more than the pain of the body, so Connie had not given it proper notice. But now, it was like a wound that had been festering finally scabbed over, a small beam of light in their ever-present darkness.

He was still gone, though, as nice as this moment was. Connie drew herself back and looked at Garnet, her eyes hidden behind her visor and her expression revealing nothing.

“It’s so… I’m happy you’re back. But he’s gone, Garnet, you heard him as clearly as I did.”

At first Garnet said nothing but studied the human girl that held her at arm’s length, her eyes full of feeling but devoid of the sparkle that made her and Steven both so human. Connie’s brows had furled while she tried to gaze at the ground, not wanting to lose her composure in front of her.

“He doesn't have to be.” The voice came from their right, startling her. Connie thought she and Garnet had been alone, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Amethyst leaned casually on a pile of junk, Peridot standing proudly by her side. Lapis stood beside the green gem, her body language reserved, eyeing Lion suspiciously as he sniffed one of her morps. And then there was Pearl, the one who had spoken, standing a few feet from them, closer to Connie and Garnet. It felt like Connie had fallen through time, Pearl’s poise exact and her hands folded neatly in front of her, the way they would begin every training on Saturday morning.

“I, but… he…” Unable to help herself, tears streaked down Connie’s cheeks, feeling ashamed at her own inability to handle her emotions.

“We all know, Connie. About… Opalite.” It was Pearl again, who couldn’t hide the bitterness in her voice when she said the name, but they had come past that now. Garnet’s return had endowed them with unsuspecting life again, kick starting their broken hearts into beating again.

Connie looked at them all wide-eyed. Many of them shifted uncomfortably, and Lapis had clenched her eyes shut at the name, but no one made to flee this time. No one raised a weapon, a fist, or even their voice. The few drops of rain above them were the only sound for a short time as Connie gazed at them all, unable to believe what was happening.

Garnet, who still had a gentle hold on her shoulders, released her fully and she leaned back into a sitting position, still half-contained in her sleeping bag. Connie’s wondered if this was some dream, a projection of her consciousness like the one Pearl had shown them, teasing her with purpose only to have it swept out from under her. How had they all come to accept it so quickly? Had something else changed in the future? Was there… could there still be a chance?

Since nobody moved, Pearl slowly made to approach the human girl, kneeling to be at her level. Pearl set her face to a serious expression, looking at her student’s fearful, questioning eyes. She adopted the tone she usually reserved for training. “Connie. There is much we still don’t know. We,” she gestured at the others behind her, excluding Garnet who had stepped in the opposite direction.

“We still don’t know everything that happened. Garnet will tell us, and we will overcome it if we stick together this time. I… I couldn’t believe it when I learned about what happened to him – to _Steven._ ” She made herself say his name, gritting her teeth no matter how much it hurt her.

“My heart breaks just thinking about what else might have happened. I saw it in his eyes last night, Connie, the pain. The emptiness. I never want to see that again, not in him, and especially not in you, here, on Earth. The sort of… hurt he has gone through, he’s going to need all of us to help him. Not just to save him, but to make him feel okay again.” Pearl’s voice had become shaky towards the end, but her eyes had regained that familiar spark – that distinctive flicker that Connie recognized, clear as if she spoke the words: _I can do this. I can make a difference._

“He’s going to need me, and Garnet, and _you_ , Connie. He might need you most of all. If you…” Pearl hesitated as she glanced at Garnet, who gave a single nod.

“If you still want to Greg to come pick you up, I won’t try to stop you. But I promise, when we bring him back, I will let you know. You can come and see him if you want, or not, but I promise to let you – ”

Pearl stopped her speech when Connie had started crying in earnest, perturbed by her reaction. She had not wanted this – she wanted to see the life return to her student, to help her defy the odds just like she had done thousands of years ago, to skip the track of fate for the sake of her cause, but now she was just making this human girl cry.

“Wha – Connie, don’t cry, I’m sorry. We’ll have Greg take you…” and then she trailed off again as she realized Connie was not just crying anymore, but laughing, too. Laughing and smiling and sobbing, a mirror image of herself when she grasped Steven in her dream and they had twirled. What was going on?

“Don’t… be silly, Pea – ma’am. I’m coming with you.” She laughed and wiped away a tear, looking at her teacher whose face had softened. The two beamed at each other, and Pearl hesitantly extended her arms outwards for a hug. The human gratefully accepted, holding her teacher close, the two so happy and sad and relieved and a million other things all at once.

Pearl whispered something through her own tears, holding Connie’s head as she had tried to hold Steven’s. “I am so, so proud of you. I could not have asked for a better student – but in so many ways, you were the one to teach me, Connie.”

A few more moments passed like this, and then Garnet had appeared next to them again. They moved to untangle from the hug, but Garnet wrapped her longer arms around both of them and squeezed. Then there was Amethyst, and Peridot, even Lapis came forward as the group came together for the first time, the first _real_ time, since Steven had gone. Cold arms and warm ones, laughter and tears, a chide from Pearl directed at Amethyst, Garnet smirking mysteriously, Peridot holding Lapis’ hand… it all felt right. Together, almost whole for the first time.

And just like that, a silent contract was signed, wordless yet binding, an agreement of what was worth fighting for. They were going to space, and they were going to get him back.


	20. Two Moves Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven meets someone old, someone new, and he sees things that are broken and are blue.  
> 

For Steven, this meant there really was no going back. He should have accepted it the moment he agreed to Blue Diamond’s terms, but _this_ , standing here, felt much more binding than just words. It had been difficult, especially after seeing Pearl one last time, not to hear a tiny whisper in his brain that wished everything would somehow all work out. They always saved the day, didn’t they? But no, not this time: there would be no rescue, no happy ending, and he would never see them again. As if in response to his thoughts, the door behind them echoed loudly as it latched shut, locking him in – no going back.

The two lone occupants of the hallway stared at each other for a moment. Heliodor was so much taller than him, and this empty stretch of space only exaggerated the difference. Her expression was predictably vacant, something Steven had come to guess was her thinking about something. Steven hadn’t realized that his eyes had become downcast, twisted in an expression of pain, but he couldn’t go backwards now. He tried to relax the muscles in his face, a conscious effort of resigning to his fate. Then, another moment of staring. Several seconds passed wordlessly as the two utter opposites studied their counterpart, only for his towering escort to suddenly turn and begin down the hall.

Neither spoke, as had become custom between them, but Steven thought there was something softer about the orange gem now compared to their first meeting. Maybe it was just his childish desire to want to trust everyone, but it felt to him like she had slowed her strides, making it easier for him to stay at pace with her. Steven dared not speak on it, but his chest felt a little less pressure, not have to practically run after her.

They stayed on like this for maybe twenty minutes, further and further down the endless hallway, always moving straight. There were no corners, no curves, no imperfections. It was a tomb of absence, a corner of the universe where there was near to nothing. Aside from the auto-illumination of gem technology that provided a natural glow to the room, the only thing remarkable about this place was how little it felt real.

Heliodor spoke after a few more minutes passed, their footsteps the only sound for some time.

“White. Do you understand it, child?”

Steven was surprised for her to address him so suddenly, and for the question to be… well, not exactly passive, but not aggressive, either. His stride began to slow unintentionally, thinking seriously about the question for a moment. He managed not to fall behind her.

“I… think so?” His voice was a bit hoarse from not speaking for so long, so he cleared his throat. “It’s the opposite of black. Black is um, nothingness. Empty. Dark where a color should be. White is a combination of everything, all colors, I think?”

Heliodor said nothing, pressing her mouth together tightly, keeping her eyes forward.

Steven wanted to say something else, but that really was all he knew when it came to that. He vaguely remembered the topic coming up on a T.V. show once, but that was a long time ago.

They returned to their private ruminations. He was curious about why she asked him that, his growing anxiety at being brought before White Diamond rising with each step forward. She hadn’t been there when they… when he… fused?

_Actually, that might not be true. The only voices I heard were Blue and Yellow Diamond… Had she been there, silent, observing their horrible circus show of murder? Had she already seen the way they screamed when Holly Blue forced them back together, did she notice their sickening stance of power when they raised the morning star…_

Steven felt a shiver run up his spine, and realized he had stopped walking entirely. He was gripping the sides of his head, breathing heavily and feeling dizzy. He couldn’t keep going back there, to that moment, the blood lust, the hatred…

“Augh!” He squeezed his eyes tighter, those feelings that weren’t his own rushing up to meet him all over again. This wasn’t the same as before, where Dani would come to forcibly calm him down from treatment, or with the world exploding into newness around him, too busy to be alone with his thoughts. It was happening again, his skin blue when he looked down at his arms, only for him to scream and jump back, blinking as they returned to a familiar pale hue. The laughter was in his brain, mocking him, telling him how weak he was on his own, how great they had been together.

“ _No!_ ” he crumpled onto his knees, crying again. Heliodor paused while he was rocked by the flashes of memory.

_How are you ever going to face the her? You can’t even handle this, these memories… You are doing this for **them** , you’ve got to snap out of it!_

Steven tried to force himself to calm down, but it was not an easy task. For several minutes, all he could do was listen to the maddening sound of his pumping heart, thinking it would send him into cardiac arrest before he would ever even make it to White Diamond. Footsteps broke the frantic beating in his ears as Heliodor approached him. She stood just in front of him, only a few inches away, her form looming as he sat pathetically on the ground. Still unsure of how to read her, Steven flinched when she lifted a leg, expecting another swift kick. Instead, she began to tap the floor impatiently with her foot, which Steven almost found funny from such a typically stern presence.

“You were wrong. White is not a combination, but a reflection, of all colors.” Steven looked up, her voice hard and her face betraying no emotion. Why was she telling him this?

“When a form rejects all light, it appears to the eye as white. When a form accepts all light, it appears to the eye as black. White is not a product of many becoming one; it is, in fact, the opposite. It exists, white, by the concessions of the many. The most damning of all colors. White is nothingness, emptiness, yet it exists without being seen.”

Her eyes narrowed as she spoke, studying the hybrid at her feet. He had stopped crying, but his expression had become forlorn, drawn at the crossroads of confusion and terror. Before he could ask her any follow-up questions, however, she turned away from him and planted her feet firmly.

“We must not waste anymore time.”

Steven was lifted from the canyon of misgivings that had become his brain long enough to focus. He took a large breath at her command and shakily rose to his feet, scuffling forward. He had to face this, he _had_ to, he couldn’t go back.

For another ten minutes they kept moving, Steven thinking hard about what Heliodor had told him. For a gem who spoke little, save the day they met, he thought there was something off about the way she explained to him the true meaning of white. Of course it has to do with White Diamond, but that wasn’t entirely helpful.

_The most damning of all colors… It exists without being seen._

Steven was brought back to reality when he realized something had started to change. Things were no longer endlessly white and their path had begun to slop downhill. Squinting, he thought he could finally see an exit maybe 50 yards away, a blueish looking spot in an otherwise flawless crypt. His heart was pounding again and his hands felt clammy inside his cuffs, but for whatever reason, Heliodor had said they had been wasting time. Had he known there was some schedule to adhere to, he might have taken longer to enjoy the scenery of Homeworld before becoming trapped in the linear track of fate, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that now.

After several more minutes of walking, his legs aching, the boy and the escort broke through into a new place, a room smaller than the first but still huge in comparison to anything he had seen on Blue Diamond’s ship.

The walls were all smooth white, flawless as every edge curved seamlessly to create a sort of capsule-like chamber. It didn’t feel like an average room for leisure or aesthetics – this was a careful architectural space, precision ringing in every detail. Many screens lined the walls, some floating around high above their heads, most of them too far away for Steven to read and probably in a language he couldn’t understand anyways. He noticed a few of them had images of odd places and shapes, but without a context they meant very little to him.

Heliodor finally derived from their endless trek towards his oblivion when she veered left, approaching a door and moving towards the panel. Her slender fingers busily typing away, Steven tried to examine the mystifying room. There were no chairs but long stretches of metal that, he guessed, could only be used for smaller laborer gems of some sort. They were too tall for him, and maybe a little too tall for Pearl, but he could imagine Garnet or Heliodor comfortably being able to stand around the dazzling displays of metal, doing who knows what.

A gentle beeping brought his attention back to the door as Heliodor moved to stand back, so he followed her lead, expecting something frightening to be on the other side. And he wasn’t wrong, exactly, but it was more unexpected than scary. The massive frame did not budge as the tall gem and hybrid stood, gazing into the towering white wall. Instead, a smaller carving in the frame, maybe only six feet of the monstrous structure, unsealed and released an audible amount of pressure as the locking mechanism unhinged. A moment later, a Pearl appeared on the other side, separated from them by a yellow glowing light.

Steven shouldn’t have been surprised when it had been a Pearl to greet them, as he had been told there were hundreds (or was it thousands?) all over Homeworld, but he gasped all the same. Her form slightly distorted by the crackling light, she looked at them both knowingly, an expression Steven recognized so fondly in his own Pearl.

Standing at attention, this Pearl’s gem was obviously visible on her forehead, just like the Pearl he had loved and lost only a night or so ago in his dreams. He guessed she must have been white, but everything about her was discolored by the yellow light, so Steven had to reimagine the rest of her. Her hair was parted down the middle and cut to her shoulders, framing her lovely face in an elegant, simple way. Unlike most other Pearls, however, this one did not adorn typical ballerina-esque garments to complement her thin frame. Instead, her shoulders jutted out to point upwards and outwards, adorning a long cape that went down to her knees, and it clasped around her neck in a martial sort of way. Her outfit underneath was more like a spacesuit than clothing, skin-tight and patterned with tiny white circuit-like enhancements. She had turned her scrutiny from his escort to him for just a passing second, her face curious but not malign, taking in his undoubtedly strange appearance. Then, with a flash in her eyes, she returned her gaze to Heliodor.

“Your Estimable Pursuant.” She curtsied low, bowing her head neatly towards the gem in question. Heliodor said nothing, so the Pearl stood back up and spoke again.

“My Diamond instructed that you are to return to the lustrous Blue Diamond upon deliverance of the prisoner. She offers you praise for the service you have done.” Again, Pearl bowed, closing her eyes respectfully to show her appreciation.

Heliodor had regained her usually deleterious aura once Pearl resumed her regular posture.

“Yes, enough. Take him.” Heliodor stepped to her right, so Steven was completely alone in front of the door.

“At once.” Pearl shifted her weight to her right side and lifted an arm out of view. A few moments later the yellow barrier dropped, along with Steven’s stomach, straight into the floor.

She _was_ white, and so charming, like all the Pearls he’s met, but her eyes made his stomach knot uncomfortably, orbs shining with the same white glow that washed over everything here. In stark contrast were deep black pupils, framed menacingly by white irises. Steven felt like he was like looking into the face of a beautiful apparition, one that was ready to drag him through to the other side.

Involuntarily, he found himself leaning towards his right, having grown used to Heliodor’s guidance and shirking away from Pearl as she walked towards him. She crouched to his height and Steven winced at her touch against his arm, only to realize she was going to remove his security monitor. How ironic – the last time it had been put on, it ripped him away from his own Pearl in a dream, and now it was being taken off by another Pearl who was going to drag him towards his nightmare.

She busied her fingers only for a few seconds, but it was enough for Steven to steal a final glance at his orange anathema and chaperon, having grown to find her as both a comfort and a terror. Her eyes were unsurprisingly blank, but she was looking at him, and her mouth was pushed into that thin line once again. Not wanting to speak at risk of consequences, Steven gave her a weak nod of acknowledgement.

 _Thanks? Goodbye?_ Something like that.

Her hand twitched ever so slightly in response, but she looked away once his cuffs were unfastened, her gaze returning to the hallway that had brought them here.

Pearl stood as Steven pulled his arms out of their mobile prison, flexing his fingers instinctively at the sudden freedom. She extended a hand to him with a smile on her face, an image so close to his heart he almost cried, remembering how he used to feel safe when Pearl, or Garnet, or Amethyst would lead him somewhere. Even if it was scary mission or to some far off place, that gesture had once meant safety and comfort. Now, it was a representation of captivity, reminding him of Holly Blue Agate and fusion and Blue Diamond’s Pearl and Blue Diamond herself and breaking down and now, in one fluid movement, it reminded him of what’s to come. White Diamond.

Staring at her hand, Steven tried to be brave. He grit his teeth together and reached out his own, his mind exploding with one feeling, resistance, in case this was another falsehood, a pretense for fusion, but there was no gimmick. Her hand was hard and cold as stone, and she dragged him through the doorway almost immediately. Once they had passed through the thick width of the door, Steven felt a sudden rush of air as the wall closed behind them.

 _No going back,_ he tried to tell himself, swallowing hard on the lump in his throat.

Steven was brought further into the room by Pearl, her grip tight and urgent, nothing like the delicacy of his Pearl’s own hand when she would try to explain something new or help him when he’s fallen. He shook his head at the memory, trying to push it away as he focused on the strange room around him. It wasn’t as bright here, the walls dark gray but glowing, bathing them in a strange light that reminded Steven of a morning fog, and the room wasn’t nearly as large as the ones he had gone through to get here, but it was very, very tall. In a way, it felt like he had fallen to the bottom of a well like in an old movie, but there would be no trusty rescue in the nick of time.

Steven grabbed for his leg, releasing Pearl’s hand when he accidentally smashed his foot into something, not realizing that his guide had moved upwards onto a platform. He hissed in surprise at the sudden pain, but followed after her quickly, his rising anticipation driving away the sensation. Now that he was on this higher level, maybe three feet off the ground, he realized the raised platform expanded over the whole room, maybe only fifteen feet of clearance separating it from each wall. It didn’t feel like the metal, cold floor he had come to expect beneath his toes, and though this was chilled, it was… different. Faultless, the creamy white surface extended out on a perfect plane. He had felt this before, he recognized the feeling against his skin, but he couldn’t place it…

Pearl had let him lag behind now that he was with her on the platform, not demanding his hand to which Steven was grateful. Advancing towards the center of the mysterious disk, Steven sharply drew in a breath when the floor came to life beneath them, blinding in the darkened room. It was… yellow? So bright, like looking at the sun, Steven’s eyes adjusted and saw Pearl’s face had been washed with blue, and the walls to his left shone white…

Blinking slowly, Steven’s heart began to pound with renewed panic. They were standing above a giant version of the Diamond Authority, illuminating the perfectly circular platform in the three familiar colors. Pearl moved towards the shining white triangle that divided their island of light into distinct sections and raised a hand, beckoning him to join her. Clenching his shaking hands, Steven made his way towards her, eyes stinging as he went.

He had almost crossed onto the white surface when he hesitated for a brief second, the feeling beneath his toes finally reaching the surface of his memories. This wasn’t just an elevated slab in the middle of the room or a mysterious light show – this was a massive warp pad, larger than any he’s ever seen before. It must have been the size of the entire island that hosted the galaxy warp back home, if not bigger.

Pearl cleared her throat, subtly trying to bring Steven back to reality. He blinked furiously as he tried to regain his nerve, forcing foot after foot to move forward. It was hard, though – he was so, _so_ scared. He needed to do this, though, for the others. For Dad. For Connie.

 _Connie…_ _god, I miss her. This would be so much easier with her…_

The light of the warp pad made him blink away a wetness in his eyes, which frustrated him – he thought his vision had already fully adjusted. He rubbed an angry hand against his cheek and closed the remaining distance between himself and Pearl. Lowering his gaze, Steven let himself be lifted by a familiar light, his body hurdling into the unknown with Pearl at his side, her hands clasped neatly together. How many times had he shared this same moment with his Pearl back home? His head was angled away from this her, though, trying to focus on nothing, his heart heavy despite the weightlessness. And in an instant, he was back on solid ground.

Had he looked up, Steven would have seen massive Athenian-like columns lining a large, triangular room, immaculate white washing over everything; or noticed the opposite wall was not a wall at all, but glass, looking out into a starry void; or realized the haunting figure seated at a massive geometric throne straight ahead was looking straight at him. He might have noticed Pearl drag him along a clearly defined path marked by the only color in the room, a silvery grey that branched outward into a large engraved diamond shape on the floor before her. Had he been listening, Steven would have heard Pearl greet someone, or noticed his footfalls as he was dragged down the grey path in the otherwise silent room. He hadn’t noticed anything, though, too lost at that moment in his sentimentality, a million miles away with his family at home. But this was not his home. This was Homeworld.

Then, someone spoke. “You are dismissed, Pearl.”

That voice. That chilling, icy, lethal voice rang in the room as Pearl obediently led herself away, out a door to his left. Steven wasn’t looking at her anymore though, his attention now fully dedicated to the gem seated before him.

He had tried to picture what White Diamond might look like a hundred times, drawing on his memories of her mural and the appearance of the other diamonds, but even his deepest fears had not prepared him for the supremacy that saturated the very air around her. She sat cross-legged, each leg at least as tall as Sardonyx, with giant hands folded across her lap. Her clothes were a mixture of snowy whites and menacing silvers, and she had a similar cape to her Pearl that jutted from her shoulders, but it was so long in her sitting position that it spilled over her throne and onto the ground below. Her hair, a soft white, was pointed and drawn backwards from her head, reminding Steven of his Pearl from home. She sported a simple silver gown that contrasted with her icy countenance, making her appear all the more divine and terrifying. Her mouth thin and her nose slightly pointed, Steven noted that her brows were raised dubiously as he stared at her. But it was her eyes… white and permanently suspicious, they were fixed in a piercing glare as she studied him. It felt like she was impaling him with nothing but her vision, looking into and through him at the same time. They extended out to wicked dark points, like eyeliner that he had seen on some women on Earth; this just stood to make her look all the more deadly. Had she not had black pupils, Steven would have thought she was something from his nightmares. Well, even with them, she was.

Neither of them spoke for several minutes, just staring at each other, one terrified and the other amused. How could something so small, so defenseless, have caused her so much trouble?

White Diamond leaned her head thoughtfully to one side, and the boy yelped in surprise as the gray floor beneath him shot up to be level with her torso. The hybrid had fallen to his knees at the sudden movement.

Steven was shaking horribly now, but unsure what she was going to do to him, he thought it best to remain on his feet. Carefully picking himself off the ground, Steven tried not to meet her eyes. Her stare was so intense it made him feel like she was only inches, rather than feet, away. His mind had gone blank in his panic, rendering him unable to speak or move from his frozen spot in the middle of the grey platform that suspended him high in the air.

Finally, after an eternity of silence, White Diamond opened her mouth to speak. Her head was still tilted to one side.

“Tell me, how should I address you?”

Steven felt like he had been hit upside the head. That was it? No fusion, no shattering, no torture or bone-chilling experiments? She had really brought him all the way here to _talk_? She had to already know his name, his story… well, _everything_ by now, so why was she questioning him?

He cleared his throat, and held his hands in front of himself timidly. “I’m, um, Steven.”

White Diamond tilted her head the opposite way at his response, bringing a hand to her chin.

“Very well. _Steven_ it is, then.” The way she said his name shot tremors up and down his spine.

“That is within your rights here, to be addressed appropriately. But I’m afraid that is as far as they go.” Her tone dripped with contempt and Steven dared not challenge her. After another brief stretch of stillness, she dropped the hand that held her chin and pushed against her throne, standing up.

Whatever fraction of her already impressive authority that had been muted by the informality of her sitting position vanished the moment she stood to her full height. Steven was in total awe as she looked down at him – she was not like the other Diamonds, that was clear to him now. Unmatched in her ubiquity, White Diamond was an idol, the degree of her preeminence befitting a god. Towering over him in her sudden change, Steven felt even smaller than he ever had. What could they, she, possibly want with _him_?

White Diamond raised a hand and turned around, drifting towards the window that opened her view out onto the universe, studying the nothingness of space. Her gesture caused Steven’s platform to shrink to a more befitting size for his comparatively tiny body, maybe ten feet wide in each direction, and lifted him higher into the air so she could more easily speak to him. Steven must be fifty feet in the air at least, but he preferred this to her staring at him. He felt some the tension in his muscles relax when she turned away from him, making him marginally less ill.

Favoring a more stable posture while suspended in the air, Steven opted to sit down carefully against his airbound prison and hugged his knees to his chest, something he tried to do whenever he felt dizzy. Nothing else to do, he tried to take an inventory of the room while he had the chance. It was colder here, and the ceilings were incredibly tall, even relative to White Diamond’s impressive form. From above, it was difficult to make out many details below (and he hesitated to look down at the risk of becoming nauseous) So he tried his best to stick to things at or around his level – most obvious was the throne. It was the only thing in the room that was jagged, making it hard not to look at, a choppy wave in an otherwise still see. There was no apparent rhyme or reason to the sharp edges, as cutting and menacing as the gem who owned it. The image made his skin feel prickly just by looking at the sharpened points, and the chill in the air mixed with his fear, sending him into shivers.

His host finally turned her head in his general direction, just enough that she could peer at him with one chilling eye. “And, by _my_ rights, you shall refer to me as ‘My Diamond’, and nothing else. On any occasion in which you address me directly, you are expected to salute. Do you understand?” The last sentence was not truly a question, an invisible dagger held threateningly to his neck.

Steven managed a weak nod; his voice had gone dead in his throat.

She turned a bit more, but not completely, around, just enough so that both of her eyes were fixed on him again. Then, she closed both piercing orbs and shook her head.

“Ah, but you do _not_ understand. Let’s try again. You _will_ refer to me as ‘My Diamond’, and you _will_ salute when you do so.” Her eyes flashed opened, locking with his own. His brain felt fuzzy as she stared at him, and his body began to respond despite his mind’s inability to keep up. His attention was drawn to the marking on his wrist, glowing threateningly yellow once White Diamond had finished the command.

Steven gasped, but he wasn’t able to react fast enough, and his arm began to burn, singing as electrical fires ignited in his bloodstream, causing him to cringe painfully and grip his arm. So that's how it was going to be – do as he was told, or suffer the consequences.

And suffer he did. This was not like the times before –  those had been brief, an obvious solution just within reach: his cuffs. He knew that Pearl had taken them away, but he couldn’t help madly searching for them, a sanctuary against the agony. His wrist began to flare hotter as his whole body began to tense and twist from the sensation, his arm growing brighter with each passing moment.

This was almost as terrible as when he tried to separate from Opalite… but that had been internal, a conflict of the mind. It was a special sort of misery in which he had some say in the matter, however small it was. He had two options: continue to _be_ Opalite, or to try force himself away from their horrible creation, a lesser-of-two evils battle that was impossible, yet predictable. This was different – now, he had to accept the punishment for as long as White Diamond chose to entertain it.

Steven felt like his nerve-endings were coming apart, almost passing out from the intensity. The pain reached a peak when it stopped feeling like a burn altogether, changing to a kind of consumption. His whole arm had begun to turn yellow, and he was crying. It felt like his blood was boiling, his cells turning on him and eating each other alive. His cries were lost on deaf ears, however, echoing sickeningly around the hall as he twitched horribly on the ground. He was vaguely aware that if he was not careful, he could fall to his death at any moment, but the thought that disappeared in a flash once the sensation spread to his navel. Everything that had been up was down, nothing felt real and his vision turned white the moment the moment the burning had reached his gem. Steven began to cough violently, like someone had kicked all the air from his lungs, only to kick twice as hard the moment he gasped for renewed air.

Then, in an instant, it was over. Pouring sweat and eyes blinking madly, Steven heaved for breath as he laid in a crumpled mass on his private island of tortured ground. He felt like he wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again, the life drained from his body, but he was soon taken over by another fit of coughing. He was surprised as his lungs throbbed when he had coughed up blood, his mouth sticky as he felt the phlegm and blood stuck to his teeth. He was shaking, badly, worse than he ever had in his whole life.

“Do you understand, now?” Her tone was void of sympathy, flat and cold as it settled into the emptiness of the room.

Steven wrenched himself into a sitting position and tried to swirl around his tongue in his mouth, desperate to make it wet enough to speak. He flinched at the prospect of bending to her, a literal tyrant, but he would do just about anything to never, _ever_ feel that again.

The last time he spoke those words had been against his will, triggered by their mind, not his… but they came to him all the same.

“Y- Yes, My Diamond.” His voice was very weak and his arms were too short to adequately form a crossed diamond, but she seemed satisfied, turning back to the celestial scape that was her dark, endless vista.

“That’s better. So then, Steven, tell me. What do you know about the war?”

Their conversation had only just started, he had already made a mistake, and he _really_ did not like the direction she was taking, but he thought it his best to answer honestly. He tried to remind himself that this was his life now, Homeworld’s prisoner, until he died. What reason did he have to lie? She would force the truth from him if that’s what she wanted.

He coughed a bit roughly when he opened his mouth to speak, his throat aching from the earlier episode, but he managed. “I, uh, don’t know very many details. Sort of just the bigger moments. I know that…” he had been about to say ‘my mom’, but decided that was not the best choice of words.

“I know that _Rose Quartz_ had started the fight against Homeworld, and it started on Earth, _because_ of Earth. She… um, wanted to protect the planet, and a lot of gems were… _shattered_ ,” he struggled with the word, squeezing his eyes shut at the memory of his own mistakes, and continued. “She, Rose Quartz, had started the revolution because she… didn’t think Homeworld treated gems fairly and didn’t want the Earth to be destroyed.” Steven peeked through his closed eyes, hoping he hadn’t spoken out of turn, but the Diamond was not looking at him, her gaze still fixed upon the stars.

“So, things kept on for a while, the fighting, mostly on Earth, and it all sort of… stopped, I think. After _she_ was shattered…” He gripped his knees a little closer to his chest instinctively, hoping he wasn’t going to have to say her name. Every time she came up, Steven was worried he would be crushed just by the weight of his own guilt, and that was when he _wasn’t_ in the presence of colossal, murderous Diamonds.

She said nothing for a moment, engaged in a private discourse with her magnificent reflection in the glass that overlooked so many stars, planets, galaxies. They all pined in potential as she looked across the cosmos.

Steven was thankful to have a moment to himself, not ready to continue the interrogation. He tried to steady himself, breathing hard, the sweat and chill of the room only making his shaking worse. His arm was cramped from being tensed unnaturally for so long, and his eyes moved to examine the damage. His wrist still shined yellow, not fading like it had before, like a fresh branding had been placed over his arm, a reminder of his subjugation. The veins that snaked like rivers up through his body were visibly brighter as they branched out from his wrist, not true yellow but tinted enough so that he could see them through his skin. He wanted to vomit, but he had not eaten, sustained by whatever medical procedures Dani had used to tend to him.

White Diamond broke from her reprieve and turned to face him, expression blank, eyes wicked.

“Steven, do you think your mother was a hero?”

 _Ugh_ – he hated the way his name sounded coming from her lips, like a compounded iteration of all the things he hated about himself, a hallmark of why everything he thought, did, and said was _wrong_. And how was he supposed to answer a question like that when he wasn’t even sure how he felt about it? About her? His mother, Rose Quartz… she was liar, a shatterer, but so was he. She fought to protect the Earth, the ones she loved, and she had given her own life for his.

Honestly, they didn’t seem so different anymore. Except she got away, in a sense – he didn’t.

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, thinking about how to answer, not meeting her penetrating stare. He tried again after a few more steadying seconds.

“I… don’t know how to feel about her, My Diamond.” He grimaced, but continued. “I never met her, but, I think the Earth is worth protecting, so I… know why she did what she did.” He wiped his sweaty hands against his jeans nervously. “I wish she hadn’t done it, though. So, I… guess not. I don’t think she’s a… hero. Just someone who had to make a hard decision.”

“Is that so?” It was phrased like a question, but Steven was pretty sure she was not expecting him to answer. Her head had turned to look at something away from them both, her lips pursued, her mind elsewhere.

Steven fidgeted uneasily while White Diamond was lost in thought, hoping that answer was sufficient, unsure of why she wanted to know these things. He reflected instinctively on his comparatively civil conversation with Blue Diamond: _My Agate says you’re, what, fourteen? Ugh…_ that made his brain ache, remembering the dazzling floor and the pain and Opalite and all of it, all over again. He hated not knowing what was his own mind and what she had taken from him. How much did she know? Maybe the Diamond’s didn’t know as much as he feared, and that’s why there’s all the questions? He shook his head when he felt his skin crawled as the feelings of violation and regret threatened to drown him.

For her part, White Diamond cared very little about any of the hybrid’s current actions or feelings. She was already miles ahead of their conversation, thinking about her next move, and the one after. _En passant._

She returned to her seat and lowered the boy to the ground, a frown at her lips, but she was not sad. No, she was only disappointed that the game had been this easy – thousands of years without a worthy opponent. White Diamond tilted her head again and raised a hand out to her side. The gesture was confusing to Steven, the best he could compare it to the way waiters would prop up trays carrying food, but that was a silly thought given the gravity of the situation. He eyed her hand cautiously, waiting for something to happen, instinctively reaching for his wrist.

“If that is the case,” she paused, a pink bubble appearing in her open hand. Steven squinted at it from the ground, only to shout in fear and surprise when the Diamond hurled it at the floor in front of him.

“Then kill her, Steven.”

The bubble popped and the gem inside slid across the floor with the force of impact, but stopped when it began to glow as it was lifted into the air before him. Steven watched in horror as the shape began to solidify its form around the gemstone, backing up in revulsion as Rose Quartz landed softly on the ground in front of him.

Steven clutched automatically for his own gem on his navel, relieved when he felt the hardness press through his oversized shirt, but he continued to back away. It was Rose Quartz, certainly, and if not for her gem placement and unusual attire, he would have thought it was his mother back from the dead. Her gem was on her right upper leg, visible through an opening in her pant leg in the shape of a diamond. Her clothes were white, but not in the flowery, flowing gown his mother wore. No, this gem was equipped in relatively standard Homeworld attire for Quartz soldiers that he had seen on Amethysts, Jaspers and Carnelians at this point. Her hair was massive and bright pink, spilling over her shoulders and down her back in beautiful ringlets, lips pink to match, and eyes fluttering open as she reformed around them.

Rose Quartz arched an eyebrow at him curiously, looking at his absolutely horrified face, wondering why she had reformed in front of a human child. She recognized she was in a Homeworld gem room, probably somewhere within White Diamond’s military district, and she scanned around to study where she was, rubbing her chin with a giant hand thoughtfully.

Then, she shouted in surprise when white manacles flew forward from the ground below her, securing her hands and feet before she could complete the turn, making it maybe halfway before she was bound.

“What, what is this?” That comforting, kindly voice that he had heard on only a handful of occasions was uncharacteristically fearful… But it was her’s. It was _her_ , right here, standing maybe five feet from him. He heard the melodic tone of Blue Diamond in his mind again.

_You aren’t **the** Rose Quartz, are you? No more than any other cut of the same gemstone._

This wasn’t her, but it felt _so_ much like it was, and Steven covered his mouth in horror as she started to struggle, realizing she was standing at the feet of White Diamond.

“M-my Diamond? I swear I had nothing to do with what the rebel Quartz did, I was not aligned with her, or any of the traitors, please… spare me, please. I’ll prove my loyalty, I’ll – I’ll,” but she did not have the opportunity to finish, a flash of white shooting from her shackles to cover her mouth. Her eyes went wide as she looked between human child and White Diamond, utterly confused and horrified by whatever circus she had reformed into.

Steven had gone completely numb, watching his mother – no, just, Rose Quartz – struggle desperately in confusion and fear as White Diamond looked down at them, saying nothing. The half-human felt tears well up in his eyes, the magnitude of what White Diamond was asking him sinking in.

White Diamond watched them, the smallest smile on her lips. “Well? If she was no hero, then she was just someone with a hard choice to make.” Her voice was pure ice.

All he could manage was to stare at the two of them, wide-eyed. How, what, _why_ was she asking him to do this? What could this possibly accomplish, just murdering blindly, and this Rose Quartz really was innocent, her shouting and crying muffled behind the bit White Diamond had forced into her mouth.

Utterly broken, Steven had no choice but to beg. “P-please… I can’t do this. _Please_ …”

This was just too much, his mind spinning out of control. His head hurt, his arm and wrist hurt, his entire body hurt, and now it felt like she had planted a dangerous white heel directly over his heart and had begun to slowly execute the pressure. Now he cried mercy, but the pressure did not stop.

“Oh, but I think you can.” At that, White Diamond lifted a thin panel from her pointed throne, typing swiftly into the screen.

As soon as she returned the glowing tableau to its proper place, the door that Pearl had exited out of opened again, and someone entered the room.

It was, but, no… _No…_

Clapping her hands together arrogantly and sweetly tilting her head to one side, Holly Blue Agate marched the length of the room until she reached Steven, who had become absolutely appalled and disturbed and panicked as she closed the distance between them. He hadn’t seen her since… and, now, here? No, no no no, he can’t do this again. He can’t, they can’t, no, not here, not again.

_Then kill her, Steven._

“N-no…” it was all he could choke out, hyperventilating as the blue gem got nearer, face sneering down at him, her presence familiar in a nauseating way.

She leaned down be at his level, and Steven immediately recoiled away, hating her, hating _this_ , the look on her face, but she easily caught up with him. Desperate, he sat on his hands, realizing it was childish – she could easily wrestle his arms out from under him – but he didn’t care. He thought he might pass out, his heart hammering against his ribs.

Holly Blue Agate secured an arm around his shoulder, holding him close in a sort of playful show of companionship, and Steven clenched his teeth, repeating the same word in his mind:

 _Resist resist resist resist resist resist resist resist resist._ He said it again and again, no matter how sickened he was by her cold blue arm around his neck, he focused everything he had into the word, trembling as he thought about Opalite all over again.

Holly Blue Agate spoke in that same condescension that rang in his ears occasionally, the voice he tried to snuff out. “You’re having trouble with a task, I see?” She looked at him and nodded her head in the direction of Rose Quartz, still struggling and perplexed as she watched the two interact. White Diamond, meanwhile, simply looked on, her eyes narrowed and observant.

“Don’t be so afraid, I’m not going to hurt you.” Steven just responded by shutting his eyes tightly, angling his head away from her. She was so close, he never wanted to see her again, and now she had her hands on him again. The urge to vomit came once more, but Steven just coughed so hard his body shook.

“Didn’t that Danburite patch you up? Tsk. Orderlies. You’re not looking so good, Steven.”

 _No, don’t let her get to you Steven, she’s trying to get under your skin._ He shuddered, the word “literally” coming to mind. _Focus. Resist, resist, resist…_

White Diamond stood up, all of them falling silent. Holly Blue Agate flew upwards and assumed the diamond salute, and Steven scrambled to twist his arms into the same shape but making no attempt to stand.

“Agate.” Her voice was a command, any clarification unspoken, the order already existing before it was vocalized.

Holly Blue nodded seriously and spoke with her head bowed. “Yes, of course, My Diamond.”

Then, she turned back to Steven and got down on one knee, both of them facing the desperately scared Rose Quartz.

She held out a hand in front of him, not in an offering gesture, but Steven still gazed at it suspiciously; he was just glad she was no longer touching him. A moment later, a blue bubble materialized in front of them, floating gently in front of them. Then another, and another, and within the span of only seconds there was at least a dozen blue bubbles decorating the air around them. It would have been beautiful, like a Christmas scene casting a blue light across a beautiful white room, if not for what was contained inside. There were shards in all of them, and it was difficult to tell at first, the blue tint making them all look more-or-less gray or brown, but they were, in fact, orange and yellows and purples.

He shouted and started backing further and further away, his lungs struggling for oxygen as the weight of reality thrusted him deeper into a dark, rumbling cloud. How could he feel so awful and not be dead? The physical pain, the emotional trauma rising up to his vision, White Diamond’s stare and Holly Blue Agate’s voice, Rose Quartz, his mom, the chains, the burning, Heliodor, White Pearl, his Pearl, Dani’s message… he felt like he was collapsing in on himself, what little remained of the twigs that supported the roses in the garden of his mind snapping under the pressure. He wished it didn’t hurt so much, wanting to pass out, at least feel numb for some short time, but they were unrelenting.

Holly Blue Agate had stood up and retrieved two bubbles, bringing them to him, Steven deadpanning as the egregious truth came closer and closer. She was right in front of him now, and she popped the bubbles lightly with her hands, shards clinking at his feet. Orange and purple.

“Most of this I have to take credit for,” Holly Blue Agate turned proudly at the display and returned her gaze to him. “But these – these are _ours_.”

Clutching his head in his hands, Steven tried to shut out the world around him, refusing to look at the display glittering at his feet. It was one thing to _think_ about what he’s done, but to be forced to look at the crushed remains of all of these gems, the very ones that had risked their lives to help him escape… And for what? He escaped the first time with their help, only to be brought back, and for their sacrifice to have been wasted.

_Self-sacrifice is not noble…_

Now they were all gone, _dead_ … and many of them by their – _his_ own hands.

_No no no – don't slip into that again – you’re Steven, not them, not Opalite._

Could his heart have managed, it would have spilled out onto the floor along with the remains of the gems he had shattered. It was pounding against his chest so loudly he could feel it in his skull. It was like the metronome beeping in his hospital room all over again, but the rhythm was unsteady and no air mask came, no escape from his thoughts, no comfort and warmth. He was sitting at the cusp of the those he shattered, had fused with, had given him life, and the puppeteer behind all the madness.

“That will be all, Agate. Leave them,” White Diamond’s voice was somehow even more terrifying, but maybe it was just Steven spinning out of control. She had tacked on the last part when Holly Blue bent down to re-bubble the damaged shards of the Amethyst and Jasper that he had destroyed.

“You see, Steven, you say you _can’t_. But it looks to me like you already _did_."

He was furiously trying to blink away tears and regain some small amount of composure. He could hear Holly Blue Agate’s footfalls receding away, his insides untwisting somewhat without her looming nearby, her arm touching him, her haughty voice, the way she said _ours_ …

White Diamond seemed pleased with her quick work, the tiny being trembling and his body unraveling from the pressure. She glanced down at the Rose Quartz who had stopped struggling but still looked between the two in utter confusion, imagining the reaction of her fellow Diamonds at a later discussion. Oh how the idea charmed her.

The terrifying leader tilted her head to one side again, piercing invisible javelins through the boy with nothing but her eyes. It felt like he had been sitting there for an eternity, refusing to look up at the anything around him, denying the reality that shined inches away from his toes. The Jasper had been crushed under those same feet…

White Diamond shook her head in fake disappointment. “I really don’t like to have to repeat myself, Steven, so I will only ask this once more. _Kill_ her.”

What was he supposed to do, what was he supposed to say? He didn’t even have a weapon, she was massive, and he was so weak… Steven raised his head slightly, a naïve voice in his mind hoping it was all a nightmare, that he would be back in the clinic, or even his blue cell again, away from the insanity that had become his life.

Rose Quartz now looked terrified at White Diamond, her struggling renewed in full. She didn’t want to die, she didn’t even know what was happening to her, and yet a human boy was being told to shatter her?

The boy in question screamed out in pain once more, his wrist searing under the Diamond’s command. He couldn't do this, he would die, his heart would surely stop before White Diamond could make him do this. He was already a murderer, but he couldn’t do this, not here, to _her_ , just anything else…

Steven opened his eyes when the burning in his wrist leveled out, the pain not disappearing but changing. His mark was radiating, this was new – it was glowing again and it tensed his muscles in a dull ache, but it was _white_. Not yellow – but a shimmering paleness that matched the room around him, and he was aghast when his arm started to move on his own, pushing himself to a kneeling position. He had stood up, but, he didn’t, want… to?

Against his will, Steven was being literally _dragged_ towards Rose Quartz, skidding gem shards in every direction as his feet were wrenched through the pile of death. His head was spinning, body tensing madly in resistance – it was _just_ like Opalite all over again, but he was in his own skin, his mind was not twisted, but his arm was pulling him like a magnet. He was practically tripping over his own feet, failing to keep up, but he was already right in front of Rose Quartz, the towering ghost of his mother locking eyes with him.

The ringmaster had settled back into her throne comfortably, enjoying the show. The boy was brought to face the Rose Quartz gemstone embedded in the captive’s leg. He was staring at it apprehensively, struggling and muttering in resistance, but it all stopped the moment he raised his shield.

It all felt so wrong and foreign, Steven usually summoning his shield against his right arm and using his left to guide him; now, his shield was drawn purposely in front of his left arm, his feet pushing against the metal floor.

_No, no, no, stop it, STOP IT, STOP IT STEVEN._

Every circuit in his brain had turned to ash, however, failing to reestablish the connections that controlled the movement to his glowing arm. White and deadly, it bent inwards into his torso before smacking out at full force, making direct contact with the shining pink gemstone in his mother’s – no, _Rose Quartz’s_ – leg. She cringe in pain and let out a shriek, but it was lost behind the fabric that silenced her. The noise was not necessary as her suffering was obvious, the brilliant pink stone cracked against the impenetrable strength of her own shield smashing against her. Steven was revolted, and his stomach finally betrayed him as he started to cough up bile, disturbed and disgusted as his arm repeated the action a second time, then a third, but he was able to firmly plant his feet before the final blow made contact, using his other arm and sheer force of will to hold himself back.

White Diamond raised an eyebrow; she had not expected this. Steven continued to struggle with his own arm until he was thrown on his back in an explosion of pain as the glow in his arm and his shield disappeared. He was panting and shaking all over again, but this was different. Now it was not his body that had been ravaged but his will. He tried to look up at the badly damaged gem before him, flickering madly as the ties of her corporeal form glitched from the damage to her gemstone, tears streaming down his face madly. Without thinking, Steven automatically licked his hand and went to wipe his healing spit against the Rose Quartz gemstone, only for ghostly chains of his own to reach out and grab his arms. Adrenaline spun him to face the Diamond, her eyes narrowed into slits as he tried to defy her. She had raised a hand to summon his shackles, but she turned her palm upside down and squeezed her hand, the bonds upon Rose Quartz pulling her body downwards as the ground itself looked like it wanted to consume her. Steven could do nothing but watch in shock as her physical form was pulled apart as the scene ended in a puff of pink smoke, her chains clambering against the metal floor, a badly damaged gem of clinking gently to the ground. The moment the pink stone touched the hard floor, however, the small bonds of tension keeping her together had snapped, and fresh shards sat at Steven’s feet.

The boy collapsed weakly to his knees, his spit drying against his shaking hand, his arm flaring as the room became silent. Gazing into a pile of pink shards, he reached for his own gemstone, utterly horrified by what he had just done. He was a shatterer, and across White Diamond’s throne room were the dust and minerals of all of his victims, once innocent gems who had done nothing wrong, killed by his hand.

Turning his blurred vision towards his arm, Steven gasped: the diamond insignia was still stained yellow from the earlier assault, but now there was branching lines of white that extended down to his fingertips and mixed with his yellow veins. He hardly noticed White Diamond lean forward, not bothering to stand, extending a single finger to bubble all of the shards and send them away.

She folded her hands together under her chin as she watched him fall apart, the spirit her favorite part to shatter. It was much more satisfying a venture than simply crushing the body. No, with this, the essence of a gemstone’s crystalline structure ached to resist in way their physical bodies never could. With brute force, she could easily destroy anyone; but ripping her enemies into shreds of themselves? That was something worth savoring.

She spoke, her voice feigning comfort. “Was it hard, Steven, to watch her die? She was not your mother, but it must have hurt, to be _so_ close, only to watch her shatter right before your eyes. Did it hurt, knowing there was nothing you could do to stop it?” Her false words of consolation made him seize up, unable to accept what had just transpired. White Diamond was speaking again before he could even process her words.

“But I wonder, what is harder, a mother losing their child, or a child losing their mother? Ah but she wasn’t your mother, not truly, so it is not the same.”

She leaned dangerously forward, his heart an idle plaything for her own amusement.

“That was _one_ Rose Quartz. I wonder how many more it would take for you to understand how it felt for me to lose _her._ ” Pink Diamond’s name went unspoken, but the message was clear.

With a lazy wave of her hand, the room began to populate with pink bubbles – so, _so_ many bubbles – and he had seen them before. These were the same ones that had been at Pink Diamond’s base, the room of Rose Quartz gemstones… He gazed up at them, unable to breath, feeling like he was about to pass out if he was not shoved towards consciousness with another fit of coughing.

Unable to help himself, a complete mess of sweat and tears, Steven had no choice but to stall. “ _W-wait!_ Please, My Diamond,” he did not bother with the salute, his eyes trying to focus on her but much of the path was obscured by pink bubbles. Before she had the chance to exact her will, Steven used this moment of pause to make his case through heavy breaths. “I … I’m _sorry_ for what… happened to her… to _Pink_. My mom, she, I – ” the rest of his sentence was silenced as he coughed again, genuinely thinking any breath might be his last.

White Diamond opened her mouth to silence him, only to stop when the hybrid collapsed onto the ground completely. This came as an unexpected surprise to White Diamond; she had expected more from the prisoner, but his half-human body was obviously more frail than she had guessed. A thoughtful expression came over her features, considering the next move, and two moves ahead.

 _Castling_.

Well, for the time being, it would be best if he did _not_ die, so unfortunately she concluded the meeting by summoning her Pearl to take him away.

She stood again and pulled a screen out of her throne a second time, searching for just the right file, ah, there it was. She enlarged the surface, studying the images of shards and dust. So much to do, to accomplish, and yet she would have to be patient. He must not die. Not yet. She still had need of him, and Blue and Yellow were both right, there is much potential there. But White had a way with things she liked to follow – first, he must learn his place, his will must be broken, and then his mind would be hers. Respect, authority, and obedience – all as ubiquitous to Homeworld as the colors Blue, Yellow, and White.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I seriously can’t believe we hit Chapter 20 and almost 100,000 words! We’ve officially passed the first two Harry Potter books as far as word count (77,000 and 85,000 respectively). I really appreciate all of my loyal readers, those of you who comment and who just follow along. A special shoutout to Dawn, rosewitchx, Dredd, Agent66, The Phantasm, Talltree-san and KimDWil71! Your comments keep me writing as fast as I can.  
> Coming up soon, we will spend some more time in Beach City, visit a Kindergarten, and, of course, check-in on Steven.


	21. Gem Mortality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven visits a reverse-graveyard and has a long talk about life and death.

There was no past, no present, no future anymore. Everything Steven thought he knew had become an incoherent mess, a disorderly array of memories and feelings. The past used to be a comfort, but now it only made him feel worse.

He missed Connie, Dad, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl… He missed Lion, sleeping in a bed, fry bits, and the Big Donut. He missed Lapis and Peridot, Uncle Andy, Pumpkin and corn and meep morps. None of it – none of _them_ – even felt like memories anymore. They were just specially engineered images designed to mock him, play with his feelings, only to be torn away again. Remembering them, the Earth… He no longer yearned for the life he left behind; Steven had moved past that. He loved them all, more than _anything_ , and that’s why he was here – their lives meant more than his own, but at the cost of turning him bitter. The memories that would play through his mind were no longer immersed in desperate heartache anymore, the way he had felt when he said goodbye to Pearl. Now all he felt was a dull twinge, largely overpowered by a potent fear that filled his heart. Steven wanted them to live, but he didn’t want to die.

That _fear…_ That was one of the hardest parts of the present, too. Steven used to like to think he was brave, and maybe he once was, but not anymore. He was weak, helpless, a pawn for Homeworld to exact their revenge. They wouldn’t kill him, or the Earth, or his family now that he was here, but they had already, in a sense, erased him from the universe. He was afraid of everything, every noise, every interaction, every thought that entered his brain. In many ways, he didn’t feel like any part of who he used to be, and he didn’t have any reason to try. No one he knew from before would ever see him again, so there was nothing there to miss. Steven tried to tell himself it was better this way.

Then there was the matter of the future, which might be the worst of it all. After his last episode of panic-induced asphyxiation that had caused him to pass out, he had decided not to bother with tracking time anymore. Judging by how heavy his body felt when he woke up, he could have been sleeping for days, and after already not knowing how long he had been gone it all stopped mattering. The Gems weren’t coming, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Unlike the present or the past, Steven felt like he could see his future now. He smirked at the thought, wondering if Garnet would get a laugh out of that.

Some of the finer details of wheres, whens and hows might be unclear, but it didn't matter. White Diamond had not left any room for confusion: he was her subject now, to do as she asked, whenever she asked – or suffer the consequences. Maybe it would be endless conversations about how messed up he, his mother, and the Earth were, or Pink Diamond, or just simply more torture and pain and regret. Steven didn’t need nor want details, the path was there – they wanted him to suffer, and they wanted him to do it obediently. Their authority was supreme here after all, and his life was belonged to them to do with as they pleased. His mother left a debt, and his submission was her dues.

They had moved him to a room – well, it felt more like a room than a cell, but doors and windows were noticeably absent so it still wasn’t quite right. Steven’s security monitor was not required here, but it was placed threateningly on a table nearby, an unspoken threat.

Everything was white, shining exquisitely and showing no source of life whatsoever. It was still a mild improvement from his living conditions lately, the most noteworthy being the source of running water. It was a little odd, more like a tiny waterfall that reminded him of the aqueduct system that must have operated at the Human Zoo, but it was much smaller with a clear drain. That made sense – it was only intended for one person. He could drink, bathe, try to clean his teeth again, and he did for no reason but his own comfort; there was no one to impress here and nowhere to go.

Otherwise, there were two tables, one longer and rectangular that he used as a bed – a small difference from sleeping on the floor, but it felt more natural – and the square table that displayed his security monitor like a minacious trophy. It could have been captioned for as strikingly as it sat there, a disturbing museum piece: _The Son of Rose Quartz, Captured._ And to the Diamonds, that’s exactly who he was. They humored him by using his given name, but after his first encounter with White Diamond, it was clear that they only saw him as a kick back for their losses from the war. His mother…

Steven sighed and stood from his bed, stretching his legs and tracing his fingers against the walls of his room. His mother had been a very present topic in his mind since he met White Diamond, and he hasn’t seen her since. In fact, he’s only seen her Pearl and two bulky Quartz-looking soldiers who stood outside his ‘door’. He referred to the blank space that would become a door as such, although as his fingers lined the space where it would open only to feel cold, seamless metal against his fingers.

Since he had woken up, he had been crying less. He saw his shield, Rose Quartz, gem shards and Holly Blue Agate behind his vision every time he closed his eyes, but his eyes were mostly dry. Steven would just curl in on himself, usually holding his scarred arm, an action of pain rather than sorrow. They were going to do things to him, terrible, horrible things, and all he could do was just sit there, shivering at the thoughts that preoccupied in his mind.

 _I’m… I’m worse than Opalite. At least when we killed gems, we did it quickly. She…Rose Quartz…Mom… She looked so hurt, so scared… the way her crack spread, the way her body convulsed…_ Steven had found a spot to sit on the ground, burying his head in his knees. His fingers had gone from the walls to lightly outlining his own gemstone through his shirt.

 _Will she… White Diamond… do that again?_ His unnaturally colored arm tensed at the memory, sending shivers down his spine. _“I wonder how many it would take for you to understand how it felt…” Did she mean that? Will she, will I… have to shatter more? How many more? Will Holly Blue Agate be there again?_ His head shot up suddenly as a deeply disturbing thought entered his mind. _Maybe we can fuse again, so it will be quick. If we fuse, they don’t have to suffer._

“Ugh.” Steven placed a shameful hand over his face, studying the floor. The prospect of being Opalite again was horrifying, but could it be worse than torturing other gems until they died? With a sign, he decided to try not to think about it right now. Maybe he wouldn’t have to shatter anyone else, maybe they had something even more unspeakable planned.

After sitting for a little while longer, the space in the wall that formed a door opened across from him. Steven sprung to his feet, in case he was needed to salute or do some other Homeworld formality, but it was just Pearl. Since he was already standing, he just rubbed his hurt arm with his good one as she entered. He had to come expect this to be food, which they had to bring him physically now that he was out of Dani’s medical care. However, Pearl was empty-handed.

“My Diamond requests your presence at once.” Her voice wasn’t threatening, but it was firm. Steven didn’t meet her eyes, still clutching his arm, anxious but resigned. He had expected this eventually.

“U-understood.” Steven let her guide him from the room, the guards eyeing him suspiciously. He didn’t recognize their gem type, but they were both the same white-silver that was everything in this place.

The pair walked without passing by anyone for a while, which Steven found odd. Given the size of the place, he expected some sort of militarized hustle and bustle or erudite gems discussing important socialite matters or even engineers like Peridot operating the screens that he passed as they went through various rooms. But he was wrong – there was no one, anywhere. Everything was empty, but then again, he thought that might be fitting as Heliodor’s words replayed in his mind.

_When a form rejects all light, it appears to the eye as white… It exists by the concessions of the many._

After a few more minutes of nothingness, Pearl came to an abrupt halt. They had just come to a large door, and Steven swallowed hard on the lump in his throat.

“My Diamond has asked that you join her at a restricted location. Travel by warp pad there is typically forbidden, but she has granted you an exception. I,” the Pearl summoned a green cylindrical tube from her gem. It oddly reminded Steven of a baton that runners used in marathons, except it was green and had flashing buttons everywhere. “Will not be joining you. Activate this by fully turning when you are ready.”  Steven looked at her hands, and she indicated a dial that had symbols around it that meant nothing to him.

As Pearl held the device out expectantly, Steven felt a pang of apprehension, but his worries were eclipsed by confusion. Why was he going alone? They were really going to give him access to a warp pad by himself? Accepting the green flashing object and looking between Pearl and the door, he thought about the prospect of running.

_Don’t be stupid – if you leave, the deal’s off and everyone would be put in danger. Of course you don’t need a chaperon anymore… there’s nowhere for you to go._

Steven released a small sigh and nodded at Pearl, who had moved next to a panel and began to type as it glowed to life. Meanwhile, he studied the door, another massive structure that must be fit to accommodate White Diamond herself… which did little to make him feel any less nervous.

Another few moments of beeping and the door glowed to life, a bright green color that matched the device in his hands. Steven watched in awe as the door dissolved into nothingness, not receding or opening in the traditional sense. It was like a mirage was becoming undone, green light fading into the air as the room beyond was revealed.

Peaking around, Steven made sure that they were totally alone. He walked up to Pearl, who looked down at him with narrowed eyes, a distrustful glare.

Nonetheless, Steven cleared his throat lightly. “Um, thank you.”

She looked appalled that he would address her directly, and Steven did not want to put her in harm’s way by forcing her to speak out of turn. Instead, he looked away and stepped forward through the frame, Pearl staring after him as the wall rematerialized behind him.

Pausing for a moment, Steven shook his head as his eyes adjusted to the room around him, similar to the giant warp pad that had brought him to White Diamond the first time, with one obvious exception. The walls here were that same mysterious, misty green color that matched the door and the odd apparatus he held in his hands.

He moved forward, carefully stepping up as to not crush his toes this time, and made for the center of the warp pad. It was made of the same creamy stone as all warp pads, but it was ornamented with zigzagging lines with no discernible pattern across the surface.

Ignoring the twisting in his stomach, Steven turned the dial Pearl had shown him and gasped as the floor beneath him exploded to life with a beautiful green that filled the design of the pad from the outside-in, flooding with color like a beautiful green river. As soon as the verdant pathways reached him, the device in his hand began to glow and the warp pad came to life, propelling him into a familiar lightness that was magnificent and ominous at the same time, knowing that it would bring him directly to White Diamond. The last time they spoke…

Steven returned to solid ground before his worries could catch up with him. As quickly as everything had become dazzling and weightless, the world just as swiftly flooded his senses with oppressive darkness. There was no sound that he could hear, and the air smelled sulfurous, almost like the ocean, but with a stink that reminded him of gas from the stove. A mist carried the taste to his tongue, which was less than pleasant. It was very dark, too, a fog so thick it obscured his vision.

He scanned the area for a sign of life, wondering why White Diamond would ask him to come here. She had been waiting for him, so he shouldn’t have been surprised when he heard her voice.

“Greetings, Steven.” Her voice sounded like it came from behind him, loud and commanding as it was, but the fog made him feel disoriented. Dutifully, he made his best directional guess and turned, crossing his arms in an awkward salute.

“Y-yes, My Diamond. Pearl said you wanted to see me.” His mouth was dry as his eyes darted around, trying to find her through the haze.

There was silence following his statement, which only served to make him more nervous. What even was this place? He absently wondered if Homeworld had weather, given the fog, a conversation with Peridot about rain coming to mind. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud sound, the sickening creak of metal on metal that was scratchy and smooth at the same time. Flinching, Steven nearly dropped the device in his hands, expecting something to come stabbing at him through the mist. However, a moment later, White Diamond appeared.

He gasped, her monumental figure brought through the vapor by a giant, white machine. Memories came rushing back so quickly Steven nearly fell backwards – Korea, the dream, Pink Diamond, Blue Diamond, his Dad, Garnet…

Steven recoiled as a glorious, shimmering palanquin came closer, sudden tears streaming down his face that hurt him in a familiar way. These mobile thrones… they’ve done nothing but cause him pain, the thing that started all of this, and now he was confronted with a third, the sight of White Diamond coming closer, shooting an arrow of panic straight through his heart.

White Diamond interrupted his moment of dread as she fully came into view, towering in the striking white cathedra. “Yes. I have something to show you.”

With a crash, the royal mechanism thudded to the ground, so massive it actually made the ground beneath Steven shake. The staircase were directed towards him, but even the steps were too large for him to scale. He edged forward, prepared to jump and float onto the surface of the white monstrosity, but he was having a difficult time filling his head with positive thoughts. Things weren’t made easier by the fact he was terrified, contemplating what sort of horrible thing she was going to “show” him. If this was anything like their “talk,” he was not excited by whatever she had in store.

In response to his hesitation, and White Diamond not being an idol of patience, she lowered a massive hand and was glaring at him intensely; it reminded Steven of Yellow Diamond, how she had offered a hand to the Pearls back at the Zoo when she sang to Blue Diamond. The prospect of _literally_ putting his life in her hands made Steven uneasy, but what choice did he have? He stepped gently into her waiting palm and was almost thrown backwards by the sudden jerking upwards. Once he had passed the threshold, he was inelegantly spilled onto the floor of the palanquin and landed a bit painfully on one side, dropping the green stick that he had used to get here.

Sitting up, the machine dexterously sprang back to life. It was rocking as each leg moved, so Steven opted to remain sitting instead of trying to maintain his balance. Peering upwards, he was relieved to see White Diamond was not looking at him, but ahead, so he angled himself in the same fashion and watched as she took him into the unknown.

It didn’t take long for things to begin to change, the fog fading as they moved uphill on a stony path. He didn’t know exactly where they were going, but it felt huge, even relative to the size of the Diamond sitting next to him. Her face may as well have been the stone beneath them, carved meticulously into an expression of emptiness, chin resting in a cupped hand. Finally, Steven’s straining eyes were relieved, but was replaced by apprehension as the fog fully lifted.

Though they were moving quickly, Steven’s recognized a million eerie holes jutting from gray rock face, spreading into a million paths that stretched beyond his vision. This was a Kindergarten, but nothing like the two he had seen on Earth. Not only was this one colossal by comparison, but it was surprisingly beautiful (if you could get back to bodies carved out of the rock face). The path beneath them was gray as they moved through the place, but the ceiling and every cliff face was shaded with rocks of every color: pink, blue, white, green, yellow, purple… There were towers of rock that jutted past them, some gray, others white, while more were red, blue, orange, expanding endlessly until receding again into the fog. Every gem conceivable could have been made here, sizes and shapes as variant as the stars in the sky.

White Diamond made no move to stop the palanquin, so Steven tried his best to study the world that passed in front of him. So many “exit holes” as Peridot had called them, thinking sadly about Amethyst and Jasper back home.

_Amethyst and Jasper…_

His fingers flexed at the memory, a pit forming in his stomach while he thought about the Amethyst and Jasper he had shattered here in space. Then, there was Rose Quartz, her brilliant pink shards flashing in his mind, the pain in her face when her body was pulled apart... It felt like every gem that’s been a part of his life would have to die by his hands. Anxiety quickly turned to panic, so Steven grabbed his knees and hugged them close as he sat beside the white throne in silence.

The icy voice of White Diamond eventually interrupted his looming fears, wincing as he returned to reality. “Steven, I have a question.”

Steven really, _really_ didn’t like when White Diamond asked him questions, his body aching at the memory of the punishment from before, but he forced himself to respond as he imagined she wanted.

“Yes, My Diamond?” Looking up at her, White Diamond was still staring forward. It felt disobedient not to look at her while speaking, so Steven kept his eyes on her.

“Do you know what it means to harvest a gem?” She was frowning now, looking deep in thought.

Involuntarily, Steven couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed. Given everything that happened with Opailte, surely they must know his answers to every question. Yet, she asked anyways, making Steven relive the pain each time. Perhaps she was mocking him, intending to harvest _him?_ Whatever it was that meant…

“N-Not really. A gem from hom – , a gem I met on Earth thought I was going to harvest her, but I don’t know what that means.”

“I see.” White Diamond did not press further, for which Steven was grateful, but which also put him on edge. Her stretches of silence had been disastrous last time.

For several more minutes, the pair sat there as the world flood with colors. There must have been thousands and thousands of exit holes here, giving Steven a new appreciation for the presence of gems in the universe. For a long time, it felt like just him and the Crystal Gems; then, he realized how many more there could be when he visited the Kindergartens on Earth. This place absolutely dwarfed those Kindergartens, and Steven couldn’t help but reminisce on Peridot while they continued onward.

She was a “certified” Kindergartner, she had once said, but that didn’t really mean anything to him besides she must be an expert, and she proved that when he, Amethyst and the green gem went to the Beta Kindergarten, and she was the one who had mentioned gem harvesting to him. The connection must be obvious given where he was and what White Diamond had just asked of him, but it still didn’t really make sense.

The palanquin suddenly came to a stop, causing Steven to fly forward, nearly being dumped down the steps. He was thankfully able to catch himself, but the abrupt flux was still disorienting. He could hear White Diamond’s echoing steps as she stood from her throne and moved downwards, walking past him to the outside. Steven rubbed his head with one hand as he tried to regain his sense of direction, finally turning to see what she could possibly want to show him here, of all places.

White Diamond stood poised authoritatively, her cape flowing around her as she looked down into a crater. The ground was warped here, so Steven carefully slid himself down each step and was pleased when he managed to float down from the last one. He might not have much use for his powers anymore, but it was nice that he hadn’t completely lost touch with his abilities.

It took him a moment to realize that they hadn’t entirely left the Kindergarten. They were very high up now, not a single exit hole in sight, and the world had turned yellow. Subconsciously, Steven rubbed his damaged arm, wondering if the yellow that had invaded his skin would ever fade. He was standing a bit off from White Diamond, nearer to the palanquin, and he followed her gaze down into the dark caldera before them.

“This is where Yellow was made.” The Diamond spoke next to him, in an almost regretful tone. Steven’s mouth fell open in shock as he studied the surface below.

They weren’t standing in front of a cliff face, but an _exit hole_. Yellow Diamond, threatening and mighty, had once emerged from below his very feet. It made sense as he absorbed the yellow scenery that uncannily matched that on his arm.

_But… why did she bring me here?_

She turned her head to look at him with her frightening eyes, and Steven forced himself to meet her gaze. It was skeptical, an eyebrow arched as he quivered beneath her.

“Do you know what differentiates us from the rock on which we stand, Steven? How something so powerful can come from nothing?” A hand gestured around her, comparing Yellow Diamond’s mark on the stony ground to the yellow bumpiness that Steven felt against his bare feet.

Shaking his head, Steven answered cautiously. “N-No, My Diamond. I just… I know all gems come from an exit hole, and that when they, um, form, they know their purpose and all of that right away.”

For the first time, White Diamond smiled fully. It was absolutely horrifying, a mouthful of sharpened teeth to match her piercing eyes, studying him. Steven cringed at her expression, lowering his head and trying his best to make it look like an act of respect rather than disgust.

“That’s right. All _gems_ do have a hole, much like this one. A home, you might say. But not you, Steven. You have no home, no hole, no history, no mark of ever existing. But here you are.”

Steven continued to look at his feet, squeezing his eyes shut as she spoke. He wanted to deny it, reject it, run from reality… but she was right. Every part of it was true – just like Blue Diamond had said. His entire existence was a paradox; he didn’t belong anywhere.

White Diamond turned around and took a few steps backwards, looking out in the direction they had come from, thinking to herself. Comparatively, Steven wasn’t thinking at all, just staring down into the blackness that was the original home of another Diamond.

“But, there’s more to us than where we came from – you still do not understand how we come to be.” She wasn’t looking at him and wasn’t asking anymore questions. Steven clutched the gem at his navel, a silent action of agreement that White Diamond couldn’t see.

She started to speak again, her voice musing. “We… are composed of a crystalline structure. It is what makes a gem stronger than the dirt from which they rise. There are certain conditions, minerals, and resources that must be present for a gem to form. Over time, those conditions compound until a gemstone is created. Broadly speaking, the more resilient a gem, the stronger their crystalline structure.” White Diamond had turned back around to where Steven was standing, looking over him into the crater. For his part, Steven really didn’t understand why she was telling him these things, but bit his tongue.

“A gem cannot be harvested; not truly. To take the minerals and resources of a gem and to repurpose it is one thing, but it is impossible to regain that specific structure that made a gem what it was. When one breaks, shattered beyond repair, they cannot be mended the way one might heal a cracked gemstone. But you already know that, don’t you?” She had leaned over him and summoned two bubbles in each of her mighty hands, one in each, the left containing indiscernible shards and the right containing a cracked gemstone of a vein he did not recognize. The way in which she was leaning over him, both of them dangerously close to the edge of Yellow Diamond’s exit hole had made him uncomfortable initially, but now that she was parading shattering and cracked gemstones in front of him, Steven had gone into a full-on panic.

Steven blinked several times, surprised to find himself crying. He answered her shakily. “Y-Yes, My Diamond. I – we – um, Rose Quartzes, we have healing powers.”

“That’s right. And do you know why the Rose Quartz gemstone can’t heal shattered gems? Or why you can’t fix corruption?” Steven stiffened at the memory, remembering Jasper and Centi, then the Amethyst and Jasper and Rose Quartz he had himself shattered. He wanted more than anything to fix them, make things right again…

White Diamond returned to her usual posture and sent the bubbles away, turning to look outwards again. Steven turned with her, curious despite himself, having wondered for a long time why it was his healing powers failed in those ways.

“N-no, I had tried to before, um, I came here. My Diamond.” He almost forgotten his expected etiquette, tagging it on quickly when she turned around again. They stared at each other for a long time after that, Steven feeling locked in her penetrating stare, until she finally closed her eyes and turned her head slightly to one side. A moment later, to her left, a brilliant silvery light appeared from her gemstone, shining in the darkened space. She projected an image onto the ground nearby, much like Pearl would do to show him something from the past or to explain something complicated, but this was much larger.

“Steven. When the physical gem is damaged, the identity inside is split – divided but not irreversibly.” As she spoke, an image of a gemstone had appeared and a deep crack gouged across its shimmering face, just like Amethyst’s the day she fell from the cliff at the lighthouse. He said nothing as the display continued, White Diamond’s voice growing darker.

“A crack does not damage the underlying structure,” The visual zoomed in on the crack, illustrating what looked sort of like a crisscross of wires that bound the gem together, but they were all extremely taut – hard – like the wires were carved from steel.  “But, when a crack runs too deep, the structure separates into millions of pieces, but the bonds themselves do not break.” He watched as the image zoomed out for a moment, the gemstone splintered into deep shards, only to zoom in again. The taut wires were still there, crisscrossing in pairs, but there weren’t as many. The bonds had clusters into groups as if a scalpel was determined to separate fragments of the gems into parts, but not to destroy the bones that provided the body structure.

“Each fragment contains a fraction of the crystalline configuration that made the gem what they were.  All of the pieces are sentient, all of them desperate to reconnect the fiber of their consciousness. You probably understood this already from your encounter with the Cluster.” She raised an eyebrow towards him as the visual disappeared, her sudden statement stunning him. He knew he couldn’t keep any secrets from the Diamonds after all that’s happened, but the Cluster was a strange subject to talk about even on Earth. He hadn’t thought about it in so long, considering the problem over-and-done with. Now that the Diamond’s knew they had stopped it from forming, he began to fidget nervously. He hadn’t told anyone about what exactly happened down there…

She pressed her mouth into a line of disapproval, continuing before he had to chance to answer. “In theory, the Rose Quartz gemstone _should_ be able to repair every piece of the physical gem, but it is impossible when shattered. In a crack, the healing essence of your lineage stretches the bonds that already exist to reconnect, and the loss is usually so minimal that there is permanent damage.

The problem lies in the tiny divisions that are imperceptible to the eye. When _you_ shattered,” her eyes flashed at him, causing Steven to catch his breath “Surely you noticed the dust that combusts outwards from the point of subsidence – the individual, tiny pieces that would knit the individual back together are not able to be recovered, lost to space.” Her voice was almost sad as she spoke about it, but there was still a haunting chill that hung in the air. She narrowed her eyes to look at him, as if to make sure he was still there, not a figment of her imagination. Approaching him, Steven winced as White Diamond retook her place at his side, gazing down into the blackness below.

“Then, there is the matter of corruption. In many ways, it is simply the opposite. The physical gemstone remains intact, but the essence within the gem corrodes. The form does not disappear, but the consciousness is corrupted, hence, the name. The internal essence is there, but it has rotted to nothing. Your healing abilities are limited to the externalities of the gemstone. But…” White Diamond trailed off, and Steven peaked up at her, trying to focus despite his sweaty palms and pounding heart.

Her voice returned to its usual icy quality, when she turned her head to meet his gaze. “Blue and Yellow disagree on which fate is more horrible – to be yourself, but divided, in constant agony as you wish to reconnect with the other pieces of yourself; or to be whole, but for there to be nothing left that constitutes your essence, identity, personality. You would become but a shell, occupied by a ruined version of yourself. One is to shatter physically, the other, to shatter mentally and, perhaps, emotionally.”

The sudden turn in the conversation made Steven even more tense than before, picking up on the threat behind her voice. The disagreement of Blue and Yellow… could only mean they had discussed these as possibilities. He gulped hard, trying to unlodge the lump in his throat.

After a passing silence, Steven held his hands in front of him like he had when they had first met, too curious for his own good. He spoke slowly in an attempt to still the panic in his voice.

“May I ask a question?” It was not as confident as he would have liked, but White Diamond did not move to chastise him. Instead, she simply continued to look into and through him with her fearsome white eyes.

“You need not ask. It is painted all over your face – you wonder why I brought you here, yes?”

Steven was thankful he did not have to say the question out loud, stomach churning nervously as she punctured his resolve with invisible daggers. He gave her a simple nod, at which she provided her giant hand at his feet, inviting him for a second time to put himself entirely at her mercy.

_I suppose should have expected this. Why do I ask questions if I'm not prepared to face the answers?_

He accepted, climbing on her fingers and standing hesitantly in her palm. To his relief, she lifted him into the air relatively gently so he did not fall, but by the end of it a part of him wishes he had. This was the first time he had really come fully face-to-face with her, always having to look up at her mighty presence. Up close, it was like the intensity that made her appear godlike was amplified ten-fold. Her eyes shined in the darkness, every feature ethereal and striking, his form tiny in her hand. How could someone so arresting – indeed, the image of divinity – be so incredibly malign?

“Because you are _special_ , Steven.” He felt like he had fallen backwards in time, back to the day he woke at Blue Diamond’s feet, the same words repeated by the Diamond that now held him in a single massive hand. He stared at her as her words soaked in, trying to make sense of an unsolvable mystery.

“But – I – _why?_ …um, My Diamond. It’s just… I’m _not_ special. I… You were right. I don’t belong anywhere. I might… I might as well not exist.” Steven tried hard to stay firm, but his voice cracked at the end. At least he managed not to cry.

She narrowed her eyes lethally, and Steven quickly realized that he had gone too far, so he hurried to make amends. “I – I am sorry, please forget that I said anything, My Diamond.”

“No, it is fine this time. I suppose it is time you realize your purpose.” Her voice had become especially deadly, holding him even closer to her face. Steven could do nothing but stand there trying to stop his shaking, feeling his heart threaten to explode from his chest.

“Our efforts at reanimation in the either case – shattering and corruption – have been inadequate, some early versions of which you saw on Earth – artificial fusions that were utter failures. You remember?” Yes, he did remember – too well, in fact. He felt a sickness in his stomach recalling the gem shards that he and Garnet had found fused beneath the Earth Kindergarten ages ago. The awesome and awful tyrant broke into a slow smile as the Steven’s breath became increasingly ragged. Weakly, Steven managed a tiny nod. He really, _really_ did not like where this conversation was going.

In a flash of movement, Steven was knocked onto his back in her palm as it extended outwards, the other coming down quickly towards him. Unable to help himself, Steven yelped in fear and covered his face with a hand, squeezing his eyes tight, thinking he was about die only moments later as her other hand flew downwards. He couldn’t – she wouldn’t – just crush him between her hands, be killed that simply, right?

His muscles relaxed when he peaked through his eyelids, realizing that White Diamond had paused her action and was cupping Steven between her hands, near enough that if he stood up his hair would brush along her hovering fingers. Steven almost thought she was going to pet him like a tiny animal, but his foolish thought was dispelled as he became airborn, weightless.

A moment later, Steven realized he was floating, and not as a product of his powers. Removing his protective arm from his vision and studying the scene around him, he realized everything had become white – that is, more so than it had been. White Diamond glittered like the stars at night, if the sky was white and the stars were illuminated like Christmas lights. She was an absolute glittering marvel of authority.

Turning himself in the unexpected beauty of it all, Steven blinked several times as his eyes continued to adjust. He knew this feeling – Garnet had done it to him once. He had been bubbled.

She lowered her voice to almost a whisper as she held him aloft, inches from her icy stare. “That was then, but this is now. Steven, you are the _key_.”

Before he could even utter a gasp, she pressed the top of his bubble lightly and he was sent away, into a flash of infinite space, his destination unknown.


	22. Last Night out in Beach City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We follow the people of Beach City over the course of one day as they play an impressive game of telephone.

The teenager couldn’t help but smile, eyes hidden behind his ever-present sunglasses. His Dad, for his part, looked nervous but returned the smile – it felt like he never saw his son look genuinely excited anymore. It was a confident, motivated smile that he thought Buck had lost permanently after the age of 14, but here he was, waiting for an answer with that same look on his face.

“So, what do you say, _Mayor_ Dewey?” Buck moved over to his dad and playfully nudged him in the ribs when he called him by his title, which made the grown man feel a bit flush.

“Well, oh, alright. Just… I know it may not be the _hippest_ thing for the kids, but would I – ahem, be able to make an opening statement?”

Buck’s hands flew up into a victory pose, and his father couldn’t help but chuckle. There really must be something about this that made his son shine, and he couldn't take that away.

“Yeah, Dad, whatever. We’re going to start at 8:00. I gotta go, like, now though.” And as quickly as the conversation had started, his son was bolting from his office with an energy he had all but forgotten. Tense but pleased, Mayor Dewey sat at his desk and looked out his window that overlooked the ocean, thoughtful.

_It’s sort of…macabre, but I can see why Buck would want it. Sad, but he seems to think it’ll make people happy. How could I say no?_

Mayor Dewey sighed as he pulled out his phone, checking his e-mail. The past two weeks have been tough on everyone in Beach City – literally. All that’s happened with the Universe boy… people are afraid to stay out late, businesses are less productive, and some parents are keeping their kids off the beach entirely. Of course, Greg Universe was especially absent around town, but… there was just no spark. The waters still came up to the shores and the gulls still cried, and yet Beach City had never seemed so lifeless.

Sighing, the forty-five year old man turned around in his chair to face his desk, trying to figure out how to manage this whole mess. It could be seen as a selfish way to look at things, but Mayor Dewey really _cares_ about the people of Beach City, so this was as much a personal challenge as a professional one. Seeing them all hurting, afraid, unhappy… not only did the local economy and, by extension, his political efficacy, suffer – but the people did, too. He wanted desperately to do something, and Buck seemed so confident and excited… This had to be better than doing nothing, no one acknowledging the pain caused by the absence of Steven Universe.

And maybe Buck was right – he wasn’t just a kid anymore. Inspired, the senior Dewey felt a fire to help his people, reaching for his phone to cash in some political favors. He was going to make this work, if not for the Universe boy, then for his own son. He blinked away an unexpected wetness in his eyes and dialed the number of the Pizza family.

 

* * *

 

“Yes, Fish Stew Pizza, how may I help you?” Kiki spoke in her usual, cheery tone. She was surprised to hear the mayor on the other line, asking for her father. He sounded excited, or maybe nervous, which wasn’t necessarily out of character for the notoriously sweaty politician.

“Sure, Mayor Dewey, just a second.”

“Jenny! Have you seen Dad!” she called towards the backdoor, only to see her mirror image walking out in her “riding” jacket.

Jenny rolled her eyes and feigned a cute voice. “You _know_ I was just about to leave, Kiki. I dunno, check the freezer or something. Buck and I got something to do. ‘Bye!” Blowing her sister a kiss, Jenny was out the door and Kiki stood alone in the restaurant.

 _Ugh, right. Dad, Dad, Dad… Where is he?_  She hurried around the back, looking for him in the kitchen, freezer, and his office. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen – oh, maybe he was next door at the Fryman’s. Since… Steven _left town_ , Dad and the Fryman’s have been trying to be kinder to each other, each of their business suffering equally during the day.

“Sorry, Mayor Dewey, just a second. I think he’s outside.” Kiki quickly muted the phone and jogged around the counter, out the front door. Just as she thought, there was her tiny father talking to the Mr. Fryman. Incidentally, Ronaldo had just walked out the front of The Fry Shop and was headed her way.

“Oh, sorry Kiki, are you guys closing for lunch?” The portly, but kind, boy asked her, his laptop and headphones in tow.

She gave him a smile and shook her head. “No, you go on in, I’ll be just a sec. Gotta give the phone to my dad.” She jerked her thumb towards their fathers.

He shot a finger gun and walked past her into the restaurant. Kiki gave a small chuckle before she interrupted their conversation. It was nice to see them being civil.

“Dad! Sorry – didn’t want to interrupt, but, Mayor Dewey is on the phone for you. He said it wasn’t for an order, needed to talk to you?” Kiki held out the phone and he took it while she finished explaining.

“Okay – we’ll finish this conversation later!” Kofi gave a kind wave to Mr. Fryman and took the phone from her, walking through the small alley that would lead to the garbage cans behind the restaurant.

Kiki was about to go back inside when her father glanced behind his shoulder. “And tell your sister she is on register – make the orders while I’m busy!” She rolled her eyes and did not reply as she went back inside. Business was slow, so she didn’t mind covering for Jenny today.

 

* * *

 

 

His eyes scanned his computer screen so intently that he jumped when a pretty brown girl appeared at his side. Defensively, Ronaldo lowered his screen, immersed in a FaceBox message from _Buck Dewey_ of all people, completing forgetting that he was at Fish Stew Pizza. She was staring at him with an eyebrow raised, not bothering with a pen and paper.

“Oh, sorry Kiki, just got distracted.” His fingers started flying across the keyboard as he typed a reply.

She gave him a teasing sigh. “Yeah cause we’re _so_ busy. The usual?”

He paused to look at her, not wanting to be rude, and set his face seriously. Eyebrows knit together, Ronaldo nodded. “Yes, please. But no soda today.”

“Got it.” Kiki went back to the kitchen, and Ronaldo back to his laptop.

_Buck,_

_Hey man, I think that’s super, totally awesome. I’m happy to help – you said you wanted to see if I could do some “tech stuff?” Could you… clarify a bit? Just let me know and I’ll do what I can. :)_

_KBCW,_

_Ronaldo_

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, balancing on the back legs while trying not to fall forward. Ronaldo was trying to think of something to write about. _Keep Beach City Weird_ had been totally preoccupied with the mystery of Steven being gone and the Crystal Gems being absent from the beach house, but he had stopped covering the story after, like, the first week. Everyone figured at first it wasn’t serious until a rumor started about Lar’s hearing a really disturbing message about him being abducted… It didn’t feel right to post about his friend if he really had been… _taken_.

And of course, there was the question of _who_? Everyone asked it in their head, but no one said it out loud. Was it the other polymorphic rocks, the great Diamond authority, the snake people, another alien force? The possibilities were… _too_ endless, even for him.

Kiki broke his reprieve by bringing him his mozzarella sticks. “Pizza will be just ‘nother minute.” She set them down and hurried back into the kitchen, Ronaldo staring after her vacantly.

His laptop beeped and he read the reply from Buck Dewey.

_Oh. Uh, I’m not sure if I’m qualified for that… but, should I tell him? It would be so cool to hang out with them, it can’t be that hard… but… No, Steven wouldn’t just give up, so neither will I._

He cracked his fingers and they flew across the keyboard.

_OK – I can manage that. I’ll meet him there. Thanks!_

_KBCW,_

_Ronaldo_

Pushing his laptop back slightly, Ronaldo moved on to savoring his lunch. His Dad probably wasn’t going to be happy that he was going to skip the rest of his shift, but there’s been like, almost no business this week. A couple of orders here or there, but nothing Peedee couldn’t handle.

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright! Sweet.” Sour Cream saw Ronaldo coming around the corner of the arcade while his little brother dived into a vending machine.

“H-hey Sour Cream. What’s up?” Ronaldo cleared his throat awkwardly, and leaned a little too casually against the same vending machine Onion had just retreated into. The lanky teenager was smiling at the sight, looking at the mischievous kid open bags of potato chaaps and dump them all over the base of the machine. 

He turned his blue eyes towards the fry-guy, happy to have some tech help on such short notice.

“Right, yeah. So Steven’s usually my designated roadie but, uh… well, I needed your help. Can I show you my set-up?” Sour Cream had started digging around in his pockets as he explained, reaching around for his uPhone in a sea of glowsticks.

Ronaldo was sort of sweaty and looked nervous, but it was cool. That’s how he always looked.

“Yeah!” His voice was higher pitched than normal.

Sour Cream launched a glow stick at him in a show of appreciation “Rad! Okay man, check this out. Here’s what I’ll need you to do.” They stood there for several minutes discussing the pictures, how he liked his gear arranged, and what time he would need to get started.

“I probably won’t be able to help much, I’ve got to throw together a sweet set in just a few hours. Oh man, this is gonna be _so_ awesome.” Sour Cream’s eyes were practically sparkling with excitement, and Ronaldo chuckled uncomfortably.

“We gotta get going, though, so I’ll catch you later. I’ll be there at like, seven? C’mon, Onion.”

At this, the larger teenager looked confused as Sour Cream moved past him to knock on the window of vending machine. His little brother was always getting into trouble, that little rascal.

After a moment of struggling on his part and staring on Ronaldo’s, Sour Cream managed to playfully wrestle his brother out of his glass castle. He held him easily in his arms, letting him lean on his shoulder as they made their way home.

“Don’t worry little man, I can convince Mom to let you come tonight.”

“Mamama, mamamamam, mamam?” Sour Cream nodded knowingly. He gave him a smile and hugged Onion a little closer as they walked down the street.

“That’s _exactly_ why Buck wanted to do this. It’s gonna be so rad, just wait.”

Onion leaned his head even closer into his brother, and Sour Cream realized he had started to cry softly.

He tried to make his voice comforting, but he knew this was really hard on his little man. “C’mon, it’ll be okay… I know you miss him… but think how happy he would be if he saw this. Steven… he loved this kind of thing.”

They walked in silence for the rest of the way home, and Onion’s crying had died down to a sniffle. He locked his arms even tighter around his big brother, not wanting to let go.

 

* * *

 

She stood in the kitchen with her arms crossed, Onion tugging on her pantleg.

“What do you _mean_ you can’t watch Onion? Barb, Greg and I are supposed to meet up tonight.” Vidalia used her best mom voice, but she knew her battle was lost. Sour Cream had that big, handsome grin on his face as he stood across from her, hands on the table. She hadn’t seen him this excited in some time, so whatever it was, it had to be good.

“You’ve got to call it off then, Mom. You’ll want to hear this!”

She scooped down and lifted Onion into her arms, leading them into the living room as Sour Cream explained everything. It was all actually pretty complicated, but she could see the positive intention behind the story. She tried to look happy for her son’s sake, but her heart also broke for Greg.

“Wow, so you came up with this all on your own?” Vidalia raised an eyebrow and booped Onion playfully on the nose. He swatted at her hand, but she could tell he meant it affectionately.

“No, no, it was mostly Buck and Jenny. So will you come? Please?”

Vidalia let out a low sigh and placed Onion down next to her. He jumped off and ran up the stairs, probably to his room. The idea made her nervous, of course, she didn’t like the kids going out at night. But surely if the whole town was there, it wouldn’t be so bad, there’s no way _everyone_ would be in danger?

Now that Greg had gone back to his van, things were quieter around the house. She remembered the gratitude in his eyes when he left that morning, declining her hospitality.

_“No, really, I’ve stayed long enough. I really really appreciate it all. Thanks, Val.”_

For as good an idea as this was, how would he react? She knew he was hiding his pain, would something like this make him come undone? Is it even _fair_ for Beach City to plan something like this?

Biting her lip, Vidalia spoke slowly as to not hurt Sour Creams feelings.

“I’m not sure… this is such a good idea, S.C.” It pained her to see her son’s face fall in disappointment.

“But, Mom, we’ve already – ” Sour Cream started to protest, but his mother cut him off.

“No, S.C. I’m not saying you can’t do it. I’m just saying I don’t necessarily think it’s a good idea… _as of now_. I know you’re excited, and I know everyone is missing his kid, but think about how Greg might feel. Have you guys even asked how he felt about this?” Vidalia leaned back, hating to see her son so heartbroken when he had just been so wound up with energy, but she had to be responsible. It’s all part of being a parent, she tried to tell herself, knowing that she would be way, way worse off than Greg if something happened to either of her boys.

To her surprise, Sour Cream had started to cry. He didn’t cry much since he became a teenager, save a few angry tears when he and Yellowtail would fight. These weren’t tears of anger, though, but genuine sadness.

“Shh, it’s okay. Cm’here.” She grabbed her son and held him, knowing this wasn’t just because she scolded him. Everyone’s relationships have been under strain lately.

Sniffling, Sour Cream spoke as his mother gently released him. His eyes were red and he was trying not to look at her. “Y-you’re right, Mom. I didn’t even… I’m sorry. What do I do? Half the town already knows and is going to be coming…”

Vidalia had to resist the urge to click her tongue, not wanting to be rude but a bit miffed that she was just now finding out about it. It was irresponsible for him to make assumptions like this, even if he was trying to do something good. Now, however, was not the time to reprimand; they could talk more later.

She smiled and stood up, reaching for her cell phone that she had sat on top of the T.V. at some point. She gave him a shrewd smile and sighed.

“Of course I’ll come tonight. You probably have stuff to do – if half the town knows about this, I better make sure Greg is in the right half.”

 

* * *

 

Sitting in the back of his van with the door open, Greg Universe absently played some songs, new and old, as they popped into his mind. No one had stopped by the car wash for business, and it’s not like he needed the money, but the occasional person would drop by to chat. They didn’t bring up Steven, but he could tell they all wanted to. He would do the same thing every time, smile sadly and tell them it’s okay to talk about it – and he believed it, but that didn’t make it easier.

Steven had been gone two weeks. Half a _month_ since he had seen his smiling face, heard his infectious laugh or sang him a song. All of that time, everything felt empty. Music didn’t sound the same; food didn’t taste very good. Even the gems weren’t encouraging company most of the time when he would visit them out at the barn, but he always left in better spirits than he arrived.

Most of them had been having a hard time, and even Garnet had split up over Steven being gone, but they tried to stay positive, keep working, promising him they would figure something out. He was surprised when Connie told him the Maheswaran’s were going to let her stay for an extended time away from home, but her parents weren’t blind. It was obvious that Steven and Connie were…well, they were _something_. He was pretty sure Steven would have told him if he had a girlfriend, but they might as well be that, the two of them inseparable.

Greg smiled, remembering how startled he was when the two had danced outside his van and giggled like the kids they deserved to be – not thrust into a crazy, magical, dangerous world – and then in a flash they fused. It was still sort of crazy to him that they could do it, but then again, Steven continued to surprise them all.

A moment later, Greg’s phone began to ring, so he wiped away fresh tears that sprang to his eyes and wiped them on the back of his hand. He cleared his throat roughly as he looked at the Caller ID.

“Hey Vidalia, what’s up? Still on to get your butt whooped in cards tonight?” Greg did his best to sound cheerful.

To his surprise, Vidalia was uncharacteristically serious. “Actually, that’s part of why I’m calling. I was thinkin’ a concert tonight instead.”

“A _concert_? At _your_ age? And I was thinking you lost your edge!” That had been enough to get to her, and the two laughed as she sarcastically replied.

“Oh I’m sharper than a whip, bud. Not to mention I’m younger than _you_. Or did you forget who is the long-time champ of Jenga around here?”

After a moment of laughter, both of them amused with their ageist humor, Greg spoke into the line again. “So, who’s playing? Do we need to drive?”

Vidalia became stern again. “Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

After about ten minutes of back and forth, Vidalia was relieved to hear her old friend eager rather than unnerved.

“Aw man that’s such a great idea. Your kid is somethin’ else, Val.” This time, Greg wasn’t forcing the happiness in his voice. What better way to bring the town together than something like this?

_This is exactly the kind of thing Steven would love, and if I gets out the ol’ video camera, I could show him when the Gems get him back. I can’t believe this town, man, it’s just perfect. He’ll love it._

“Wait – hold on a sec,” Vidalia cut off their conversation briefly. He could hear her talking to someone but he couldn’t make out the words. He paused, waiting, digging aimlessly through the back of his van for his book of lyrics and album art.

Vidalia came back on the line, sounding exasperated. “Sorry, if you can’t hear it through the phone, I’m rolling my eyes. S.C., as you can imagine, is running around like crazy – he wanted me to ask you if you had any clever ideas for names for the event? Apparently Mayor Dewey is going to put out a big blast announcement.”

Greg smiled, thankful for his friend, this town, everything right now. “Aw, your kid really is awesome Val. Hmm, as for a name, I dunno? I’m trying to think of things Steven likes… music, but you’ve got that covered. His friends and family – check. Then there’s the Crystal Gems, the beach, stars, space… oh my gosh, I’ve got it!”

He explained the bit of back story to Vidalia, who didn’t particularly seem to get in, but she asked Sour Cream what he thought in the background. Greg laughed when he heard him do his signature “rave” sounds, which he took to mean he approved.

“Alright, Val, I’ve got to make a couple of calls. Keep me updated – you said 7:30, right?”

She sounded distracted on the other line, so he was glad to let her go. “Yep, see you then.”

 

* * *

 

“Greg.” It was Garnet’s severe voice who answered Connie’s phone, which she had left with the fusion in case she got any calls. As she had known, Greg was calling her with news.

“Oh, uh, hi Garnet. Back together I take it? Heh…” He sounded uncomfortable, which made Garnet smirk. She said nothing.

Greg cleared his throat, not expecting her to be the one on the line. “Ah – right, I was wondering if I could talk to Connie. But actually, it doesn’t matter. Anyways, I’m calling because…”

“Yes, we will come. We were planning to come to Beach City tonight anyways. We are leaving tomorrow morning.” She did not elaborate as to where they were going, but she didn’t need to. Greg paused for a moment, always a bit unsettled by Garnet’s future vision and abrupt attitude.

She was sitting crossed legged outside the barn next to Peridot, who was tinkering with one of her devices against the palm that was Ruby. In front of her, Pearl, Connie, Lapis, and Amethyst were having a surprisingly intense four-way battle, causing odd bursts of dust and grass to blow in the light breeze occasionally. Amethyst was yelling something at Lapis when Greg continued.

“Oh, yeah, well, okay. It starts at 8, but I’ll be there around 7:30. Should I invite the Maheswaran’s, or should Connie?” Thinking silently for a moment, Garnet considered the possibilities.

“Connie would be better. I’ll let her – ” she caught Pearl’s thin frame like a baseball in her free hand when she was thrown backwards by an impressive parry from Connie, and easily flung her back into the sparing match. “know.”

“Er, alright. You guys won’t need a ride I’m guessing?” He sounded nervous, like he always did talking to her, but Garnet could tell he was also excited. It was refreshing.

“No. We will be there at 7:30.” Garnet hung up the phone and set it to the side on a pile of hay, her mind returning to the days ahead.

Things were… unclear, which she did not like. Garnet had seen Steven being escorted through the military district on Homeworld, but everything after that went fuzzy like a poor T.V. connection. She could glimpse an occasional moment, him alone in a room, alive, sometimes he was laying down, or he was standing above a giant hole, or he was talking to someone… but it was fragmented, and it was frustrating.

Garnet had already told the others that they would leave tomorrow morning, but she made her explanation relatively brief for their benefit. Their strongest chance of a successful covert mission was to arrive at Pink Diamond’s base by tomorrow afternoon, board a resource ship headed for Homeworld, and, she suspected, Steven directly. It was loaded with human supplies, its destination the military district… Getting there wasn’t going to be easy, a high likelihood that they would fail, and finding him was going to even harder if her future vision continued to be uncooperative. She sighed, frustrated by all of the pressure, but these were the decisions she had to make.

_It is nothing compared to what Steven must be dealing with._

She thought about his tiny hands covering her glasses, his starry eyes when she talked about Ruby and Sapphire, his sweet voice echoing in her mind.

 _He is so young, so innocent…_ _Ruby… Sapphire… We are what a fusion is supposed to be. What he was made to do…_

“Ugh,” Garnet made a painful sound as Peridot poked her gem. It wasn’t her fault – Garnet had accidentally flexed her hand into an angry fist.

“Sorry, sorry – just a bit longer. What was that about?” The engineering gem had grown nervous in Garnet’s stoic company.

“It was Steven’s father. He wants us to come to Beach City.” She did not mean to sound harsh, but she was very preoccupied with her own mind.

 _Jasper and Amethyst, their weapon, the way he flew back from the fusion... In some ways, it’s amazing he was able to separate at all. It was like Malachite all over again, but they didn’t have an ocean weighing them down… He didn’t take it well, the shattering, and then he had a conversation with Blue Diamond._ She shifted a bit but made an effort not to clench her hand again. She and Pearl had both shattered gems in their time, but that was different. That was war. _Steven was never supposed to be a part of that. Our Diamond… She nearly shattered us. What did they speak about? It must have been related to his message. He didn’t want us to follow him? Why? How could he not want to be free?_

“Peridot,” Garnet spoke her name, causing the green gem to jump in surprise.

“Why do you think Steven asked us not to follow him?” It took every ounce of her, Ruby comforting Sapphire, Sapphire calming Ruby, to keep her feelings in check. They all needed their leader, and she was back now, but that didn’t erase the images burned into her brain.

Peridot did not answer at first, putting her tools down. “I think… well, I don’t know for sure, but when the message ended. The way he sort of… freaked out?” She was struggling to make sense of it herself, only knowing theories and rumors. “In the past millennia, the development sector of Yellow Diamond’s research team was tasked at finding new ways to discipline gems after, well, you know…” The small gem gestured to the fight in front of them, her implication clear: the war, the traitors, the rebels.

“I never saw it myself, but it is said to act as an ‘extension of authority.’ I would _assume_ it relates to each Diamond, and Pearl said the glow was yellow, so…” her voice trailed off, wincing as she remembered the pain in her friends face. Homeworld did not show mercy.

She shook her head. “Sorry, off-topic. Well, sort of – I think they’re controlling him. Not completely, it seems, but he was afraid of something happening. He was trying… to protect us, or himself, or something. I don’t really know.” The green gem held her face in her hands, still hurting at the idea that one of the most valuable people in her life had been forced to shatter gems.

Garnet let out a sigh, her mind reaching the same conclusion. Of course he was trying to protect them, but Steven… _It’s our job to protect you, not the other way around._ She placed a comforting hand on Peridot’s shoulder, glad she had decided not to tell everyone all the details of the shattering.

There were no who’s, no how’s, and no why’s. Just that they had made him do it, and he couldn’t stop it after the second one. He had fought it off after that, but… the damage was done.

The fusion pushed Peridot’s shoulder up so that they were facing each other, and Garnet gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s alright, it is in the past. It is the future we need to worry about now.” She glanced at her hand, flexing and unflexing her fingers around the modification. It was impressive – small, sturdy, and she hardly noticed it was there.

Tilting her head towards it, Garnet spoke. “Are we done?”

“Oh, uh, yes. Thanks.” Peridot and Garnet both stood, facing the others.

“No, Peridot, thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Connie was pleasantly surprised and excited when Garnet pulled her away from the rest of the gems and told her the details of the night ahead. Of course, she was horribly nervous to be leaving tomorrow morning and she had already agreed to see her parents when they went to Beach City, but she didn’t expect this. It wasn’t hard to convince them once Connie explained everything, but she could tell her mother was a bit hurt that she didn’t want to spend the night with them. It’s not that she didn’t, just, this was supposed to be special. Garnet had asked her not to tell the others, smiling mysteriously when she said it would be better as a surprise.

It was almost nighttime in the country now, and she was thankful the others had agreed to practice with her during the day. The harder they worked, the stronger she felt. Connie tried to tell herself she was ready, and she was pretty sure it helped the others to have a distraction. Everyone was tense and Connie did not eat much that day, her stomach queasy. Garnet’s… ambiguous answers to what would happen in space did little to settle their nerves. The fusion had been truthful, just enigmatic, saying that their odds were still pretty bad, but not _how_ bad.

She found herself wondering about the shattering more than she wanted, wishing she could be there to help him through this. The day they fell from the Sky Arena played like a loop in her mind, his tears flying upwards and his pain spilling outwards. Steven had been made to hurt somebody, even if he didn’t want to – it was like a much more intense version of what Connie had gone through, but then there was the fusion, the captivity, the loneliness he must feel all piled on top of it. He must be hurting, but if he’s alive, then she wouldn’t give up. She would never give up.

After checking her bag for the hundredth time, Connie tried to join the others as they spoke about meaningless things outside the barn. She considered changing into more conventional human clothes if they were going to a beach concert, but her uniform helped her feel more like a Crystal Gem, official and special like the others. Even if she was just a human, they didn’t make her feel excluded, always as eager to include her as Steven had been. It made her smile to think about.

Another hour passed like this until it was finally 7, so they made their way back to Beach City. Since Ruby and Sapphire, er, Garnet(?) had fixed the warp pad at the Temple, they would be traveling back that way. She felt her hands start to shake as they made their way over the green hills as the sun extinguished from view, less than excited to be back at his house. The last time she had been there… well, it was one of the worst moments of her life, to be honest. Pearl, the blood, the backpack all still jumbled in her mind while she thought about it, but she was brought back to reality when Amethyst offered her a friendly purple hand.

They hadn’t even reached the warp pad yet, so Connie was confused but accepted it. Now that the truth was out about Opalite, Amethyst had made an extra effort to be friendly to Connie, which she guessed was driven by their shared experience as Steven’s only other fusion partners… well, besides Holly Blue Agate, but she tried not to think about that.

Squeezing appreciatively, Connie shut her eyes as the small troop pressed together on the warp pad, carried away into the soft blue light that would bring them to Beach City.

 

* * *

 

Pearl cleared her throat as she stepped off the warp pad. “Alright, let’s not waste any time. In-and-out of the Temple, goodbye to Greg, drop off Connie, and head back.” Involuntarily, she looked at the wall where she had found the blood the first day, but was relieved to see it was gone. In fact, Garnet had done an impressively thorough job of restoring the Temple to its original appearance with only some two exceptions. The portrait of Rose had not been replaced, and there was no Steven bounding down the stairs to greet them.

Disobeying her own directive, Pearl realized the others were staring at her as she approached the fridge and gently laid a hand on it. The dream…

She shook her head; she had to stay focused or she would come apart again. Connie approached her was looking up at her, her smile confident, which helped to ground Pearl slightly.

Lapis chimed in, looking up sadly at Steven’s bed. “It’s… so empty without him.” No one said anything for a moment, all of them looking around at the room that washed emotions over all of them. So many memories, so many _years_ here…

Amethyst must have read her mind, cause she wiped away a tear and approached Pearl beside Connie. The purple gem glanced over her shoulder at Garnet, who had only just stepped off the warp pad.

“Yo, Garnet, you remember building this place? You did a bang-up job putting it back together.” Her voice was appreciative, and she nudged Pearl.

“What? Oh, yes… Thank you, Garnet. Let’s… get going, shall we?”

The slender gem made towards the Temple door, but Garnet blocked her with a hand. She was smiling.

“Actually, maybe we should go see Greg first.”

Reluctantly, Pearl agreed to say goodbye to Steven’s father, but she was a bit annoyed at diverging from the plan. Lapis and Peridot offered to stay behind and wait, but Connie insisted that they come with them. Neither were particularly close to Greg, and Lapis still harbored some guilt for breaking his leg and sinking his boat… but they all eventually made their way around the bend in the beach. Was it usually this loud at night? Pearl rarely went into town, well, _ever_ , but the city wasn’t usually this loud even during the day.

After another few minutes of walking, the Crystal Gems made their way to the main part of the beach that was usually blocked by the Temple, and they all froze in surprise.

There was a huge gathering of humans, with large glaring lights and loud music to match. People were talking and there was a stage with lots of bright lights, bodies moving around, hauling speakers and setting up tables, with lots of shouting and laughing. Did they come on the night of Beach-a-Palooza? It was one of Steven’s favorite nights, but that didn’t seem right because that was usually one of the first weeks of the Summer. In fact, Steven had already participated in the festival this year, so it was impossible.

“Hey, guys, over here!” They turned as they saw Greg emerge from the group of people, his face shining with life. She felt a pang of guilt for not sharing Steven’s message with him. It… didn’t feel right, and Garnet had agreed, so they nipped the idea in the bud.

“Steven’s father – greetings! It is I, Peridot!” The green gem leapt ahead of the others and extended a small hand. Greg laughed, his eyes crinkling in his age, and shook her hand.

“We’ve met Peridot. It’s good to see you. Hey, Connie!” The human girl had followed Peridot’s lead but offered him a hug instead, which he bent to accept.

Suspicious, Pearl turned to question Garnet, but she was gone without a word. Scanning the crowd, it didn’t take long to see her massive figure, helping one of the Fry children with a massive speaker one-handed.

Amethyst bounded past them all after greeting Greg, her excitement increasing ten-fold at the sight of a familiar human.

“Vidalia! Made it out of the nursing home I see,” she joked, skidding to a halt in front of her. The adult was holding her child, one of Steven’s bizarre human friends, in her arms, the one who stole her Replicator Wand. That thought made her grimace, but she couldn’t stay mad for long as she overheard the woman tease Amethyst back.

“Hey, that’s coming from someone who is _literally_ hundreds of years older than me. I should be asking how you escaped the crypt!” The human affectionately returned her hug.

Pearl scanned the scene, confused, and eventually came back to the conversation with Greg. He was speaking to Lapis awkwardly, ensuring her that he didn’t mind that she broke his boat. She could have almost laughed if it wasn’t such a hugely important night – they were leaving first thing in the morning for space.

“Greg, what is going on?” She was tense, untrusting of all of these humans, eager to say goodbye and go.

“Well, it’s a – oh wait, hey, Maheswaran’s, over here!” He started waving an arm as Pearl recognized Connie’s parents walking around the beach, looking as confused as she felt. What in the world was happening?

Connie had run to greet them, flying into her father’s arms who scooped her up lovingly. Pearl watched the family reunite for a moment before shaking her head and returning seriously to Greg.

“Greg, _what_ is going on?”

He put up his hands defensively. “Honest, Pearl, it wasn’t even my idea. Some of the kids in town were sick of everyone feeling so sad about Steven so, they wanted to, I guess, throw a party?”

Now she was even more confused. “But, I thought parties were for celebrations? You’re not _celebrating_ , are you?” Her voice was sharper than intended, but she was already on edge being back here.

“No, no, it’s not like that! Look,” he gestured to a painted sign being hung up by the Pizza twins over the stage.

_Universe & Universe Universal Beach Festival HQ_

Unable to help herself, remembering the day they fought over taking him to space, Pearl cracked. She started laughing hard, so loud that several people turned to look. Greg joined in the laughter, bending over as they shared the private memory with Steven. They were both leaning on each other by the end of it, wiping away some shared tears, happy and sad.

 

* * *

 

“Alright, cool. Everybody, thanks for coming.” Buck Dewey was alone on the stage, the lights too bright for him to really see anyone below. He was proud, though, because he knew there were dozens of friends, families and even Steven’s strange family in the crowd below. They all turned out tonight, and he had thrown this whole thing together in _one_ day.

“I’m Buck Dewey,” he heard an affectionate whoop from the audience. It sort of sounded like Lars.

“Heh, yeah. Anyways, thanks for coming. My Dad wanted to open the UUU Beach Festival with a few words.”

There was a light applause as Mayor Dewey took the stage. He was visibly sweating, blotting his forehead with a handkerchief and looking extremely nervous. A handful of audience members rolled their eyes, wondering why someone so on-edge went into politics.

“Thank you, son! Yes, _welcome_ citizens of Beach City! I have to give my thanks to my son, Buck, for putting this together. It was his idea to…” his voice trailed off as he looked into the lights. He cleared his throat, starting over, his voice much more sincere this time.

“Yes. Tonight, we are not hosting a memorial. We are not celebrating, or mourning, or anything. We’re just here to be _together_. I’ll be honest, I thought about phoning one of my speech writers for tonight, but…” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

“I decided I didn’t need to. The best advice I was ever given was by Steven Universe himself. Some of you may have heard this before and some of you may not, but I wanted to share it with you, the citizens of this town.

“ _I know you’re all going to be okay because I know each and every one of you. You’re smart, you’re tough, and you’re resourceful. You all care about each other more than you care about being able to see in the dark. We’ll face the night together, and we’ll survive, because **we** are the light of Beach City!”_

Mayor Dewey’s voice rang in silence across the beach for a moment, no sound but the crashing waves of the sea. Then, Garnet broke the silence with a set of loud clapping, and then everyone joined in and some had even become teary eyed.

Buck Dewey took the stage after a surprisingly humble show of gratitude from his father. “Wow, thanks Dad. That was cool. Alright, I’m gonna be your MC tonight. We don’t have a ton of formal performances, so if you just want to come up and say something, let me know during one of the breaks. A special thanks to the Pizzas and the Frymans for donating their food for tonight.” A polite clapping on hands followed, and Buck continued.

“We’re gonna start with a song from Beach City’s very own… Sadie Miller!” There was a light applause as she took the stage and Buck handed her the microphone.

The young adult was visibly shaking, nervous to be going first, but she had bailed last time. This time, Steven wasn’t here to save her.

“Um, hi. Yeah I’m Sadie, and I just… Last Beach-a-Palooza, Steven really wanted me to sing a song. I didn’t end up doing it, but he was really understanding and nice about it. I…” she froze up for a long second, but no one disturbed her moment. Then, she smiled and laughed, wiping away a tear.

“I hope someone gets this on video, ‘cause Steven, you’d never believe it unless you saw it!” She had gained a whole new air of confidence and began to sing. Barb Miller could be heard whooping, an embarrassing but sincere show of affection for her daughter. It was beautiful, an acoustic version of _Haven’t You Noticed,_ the music recorded on ukulele as a warm ode to him.

The night went on like this for hours, and the Crystal Gems, Greg, Connie… _everyone_ was so moved. Sour Cream played music in intervals, some people took the stage to say teary, kind words, while others performed songs or read poems; Barb and Jamie gave a dramatic reading of an obscure play; Onion showed a video of the making of soda cans; and a particular shameless green gem from Homeworld recited Steven’s favorite episode of Camp Pining Hearts – Lapis had found that hilarious.

For hours, they were all filled with emotions, a familiar sort of love. It was Steven. He was the one who brought them together. The Crystal gems, gems and humans, Beach City, everyone. Steven was the brightest light of them all, but if they came together, they could still shine.

Things began to wind down near midnight, and Buck Dewey took the stage for a last-call.

“Hey, everybody. A huge thanks for coming out. This couldn’t have been a success without you, it just…” he laughed a few times and rubbed a tear from beneath his glasses. “I can’t speak for everybody else, but I really needed this. Does anyone want to add anything before we wrap up?”

There was a pause, silence. Then, Greg Universe raised his hand and his voice, moving towards the stage.

“Yeah, Buck, let me just…”

It was funny to him, being up on stage, something so familiar with his music career and even through fatherhood. Steven always loved the spotlight, so they had been on stage together more than a handful of times. It was a night much like tonight that he met Rose, and now he was standing here again in honor of his amazing, perfect son.

“Hi everybody, I’m, well, you probably know. I’m Greg Universe, Steven’s dad. He would… I can’t even explain it. Just, wow. He would have absolutely loved this. Thanks for everything. He is everything to me, and I can see how much he means to all of you. I promise I’ll show him the video when he comes back, sorry Ronaldo!” Everyone paused to laugh at the teenagers embarrassing snafu, having fallen off the stage during a mic check earlier.

“No, no I’m just teasing. But really – what an amazing night. Thank you. And… I wanted to thank the rest of his family, too. I’m his Dad, but they’re as much a part of his life as I am. You all probably know them in some way, but the Crystal Gems are here tonight. They have been working really hard for him, so if we could just thank them, too…” his voice trailed off as a thunderous round of applause broke out, many of the gems blushing at the unexpected attention. Garnet gave him a thumbs up, so he took a deep breath and signaled Sour Cream to bring him his guitar.

“This one is for them, for you all, and for him. It was the first song he ever wrote. I made a few changes just for tonight, but I don’t think he’d mind.”

A quiet crowd listened to Greg Universe tune his guitar and strum light chords that he’s had memorized for almost 10 years.

_“If you’re evil and you’re on the rise, you can count on all of them taking you down._

_“Cause they’re good and evil never beats ‘em, they’ll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.”_ There was playful whoop from Gunga Pizza as he continued to strum, a cheer going around as the stage changed. The blinding brightness is Greg’s face dimmed somewhat, softening to a light orange glow while the rest of the lights were redirected to the Crystal Gems in the audience. Garnet had gathered them to the one side but had said nothing, so the others were shocked when the intensity of the lights flooded their vision – even Connie did not know this was coming.

 _We are the Crystal Gems, we’ll always save the day._ Garnet started to clap, just like she had all those years ago. The others caught on quickly, smiling and appreciative and glowing with feeling.

_“And if you think we can’t, we’ll always find a way. That’s why the people of this world, believe in,”_

“Garnet.” She raised a fist, gauntlet and all.

“Amethyst!” Vidalia cheered especially loudly from somewhere along the beach, the purple gem blushing but trying to look unimpressed.

“And, Pearl,” Through her streaming tears, she sang as beautifully as ever.

Greg jumped back in, taking the reins,

 _And, Connie, Peridot and Lapis…_ Those so named looked shocked, smiling as the crowd clapped and cheered in sync with their names.

_And Steven._

He strummed to the melody for a few moments longer as everyone continued to clap, a bright night on the beach of their little ocean town. Now only hours away, the Gems would be leaving Earth once the sun broke the dawn, and everything was going to change.  


	23. Log Date 20-57-2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven spends the day with Peridot, Peridot is in her element, and several angry hands hit a giant table.

**_Morning_ **

“Log Date: 20-57-2. This is Peridot, preparing subject _Hybrid_ , a Class H-Alpha being, for initial interview and experiment.” The green gem was taller than Steven, standing next to him as he sat strapped into an extremely threatening chair. Well, being strapped into just about anything against your will was probably threatening, but given the circumstances, he thought this qualified as extreme.

He had just been escorted from a grand white room, majestic and terrifying, to this room, a comparative microcosm. After White Diamond had bubbled him and sent him away, Steven opened his eyes to a shimmering, beautiful nightmare – he was floating in a huge room, at least as big as the dock that he had arrived on with Heliodor, everything aglow with a soft white light. The space was crowded with a million iridescent bubbles.

In every direction there were soft orbs much like his own, containing shattered, cracked, and full gems of every color, shape and size imaginable. He floated near the top of the massive space, having materialized around mostly undamaged gems, and he toyed with the idea of popping himself free. Ultimately, Steven decided against it, worried he might fall onto others and burst them, unsure of what might be within.

And he waited, and waited, and waited. It must have been hours. He tried to decode the cryptic messages White Diamond had left him with, but his stomach was aching with hunger and he was very cold, so it was challenging to focus on any one thing for long.

 _Harvesting, corruption, shattering, cracked gems…Forced fusion, artificial fusions? What did she mean I was the “key” – key to what? To healing gems? To harvesting them? To fixing their “re-animation” efforts?_ That thought made him shutter, hoping very much he could go the rest of his life without ever seeing an artificial fusion try to reform in front of him. He remembered Garnet’s terrified face, the glowing, the pain, the _screams..._

Steven would try to push those thoughts away when they became overwhelming, but he didn’t find much comfort in any of the other corners of his mind. It seemed every train of thought would send him into a spiral. Desperate to stay calm, Steven clutched himself like he had done once before when he had floated in space, trapped in a bubble. It was impossible not to think about the shattering, and Holly Blue Agate, and Blue Diamond and Opalite and the Pearls and Heliodor and Rose Quartz and White Diamond… All of it, it felt like his fault. His short time away from Earth had been disaster after disaster, and Steven felt responsible for every part of it.

_Why did I have to go to Korea, Garnet had tried to warn me... If I had just listened, none of this would have happened – Dad, the Zoo, the earrings… I thought I needed answers. Well, you got them Steven, congratulations. And then I practically invited Homeworld to our front door when I un-bubbled those stupid things from the Zoo. I hid when Heliodor and Apatite showed up. Why didn’t I portal away? Why didn’t I try to fight, or do something else besides wait?_

_…Because, Steven, that’s all your good for. If you wait, the Gems will save you, or maybe Connie will tell you she likes you first, or Dad will make you feel better. If you wait, Blue Diamond will make you a deal, Dani will tend to your wounds, White Diamond will tell you things about yourself you never knew. But when you try act, people get kidnapped, or cracked, or die._

He shuddered when he felt Holly Blue Agate’s arm holding him close to her. Opalite, her, _their_ terrifying mind, echoed quietly as he waited.

_It’s not so bad, you saved the day. Isn’t that what you wanted? It only cost you your freedom, and eventually, your life._

“Ugh! Stop it! You’re not real!” Steven shouted into the emptiness of white space, surrounded by the living and the dead, unsure which group he belonged to.

But the voice was there again, and he was with Heliodor, standing at the end of the long white hallway. _If you walk through that door, you are going to die._

It was true, he was going to die. He had accepted that, even if he didn’t want it. No, he wasn’t afraid to die – it was every breath that came before. How many panics breaths would they force out of him, how many more deaths would he be responsible for, how much longer did he have to wait?

“Did you hear me? State your name, gemstone, and rank for the record.” Peridot had lowered her face right in front of his own, bringing him back to the present.

_Right, interrogation, experiments. Get it together._

“Uh, sorry. I’m Steven, I have a Rose Quartz gemstone, and I don’t know my rank. Prisoner? Something like that?” Steven found the tiniest bit of amusement at the annoyance in her face. She reminded him so much of his Peridot back home, but this one was fully equipped with limb enhancers, her hair wasn’t quite as giant or as pointed, and he didn’t see her gemstone in any obvious places.

She rolled her eyes. “Let the record reflect that the _Steven_ is ranked as a war criminal and is charged with the highest counts of treason. There is strong evidence to reflect that the _Steven_ was responsible for the gem civil war five millennia ago.”

Steven didn’t find things funny anymore, forgetting how unpleasant Peridot had been before the day they played in the rain. He sighed, saying nothing as she flicked through her screen and studied the room around them with limited mobility.

Surrounded by screens of white and yellow, all angled towards him with an eerie reflection, Steven could see himself, his small body exaggerated by his oversized chair. Again, most everything here was white, but there was a yellow door opposite the white one and there were several yellow screens. Peridot was green, he was pale, but that was normal.

He was fastened to his chair, and had been for at least an hour while she prepared all sorts of things he didn’t understand. Adjusting the screens in such a way that suggested they were cameras, the tint and focus of his reflection changing as she fiddled with them, typing into her own screen and to make all sorts of bizarre records along the way. Steven couldn’t help but think the bonds keeping him here were unnecessary – he wasn’t running anymore.

The chair was way too big for him, more appropriate for a typical Quartz soldier, so he scooted back against the back of the it with his legs fully pushed out. His feet didn’t even dangle over the edge. As soon as he settled in, the chair morphed to hold him, half-circles emerging from the gem tech on the surface of the chair, one across his neck, another around his torso, one across his pelvis, and two for each arm and each leg. It was very uncomfortable, but he didn’t complain.

“Do you know why you are here?” She was seated across from him now somewhat casually, not bound to her chair.

“Sort of? Not really. I was told by Pearl – er, the Pearl of White Diamond – that I was needed for an experiment, then I was brought here by her, and that’s all.”

“Subject does understand his _participation_ in research project coded WX90001. Subject does not understand the _purpose_ or _nature_ of his participation in WX90001. Preparing to begin Trial 1.”

Steven badly felt the urge to ask her what exactly WX90001 _was_ , but he hesitated. Even if she wasn’t nearly as frightening as White Diamond, he was keenly aware of the lenses pointed at him from many directions, wondering who might be watching on the other side.

After another moment of poking into her screen, Peridot got up and used her fingers to undo a latch, a cylinder rising from the ground and expelling white bubbles into the room – much like the one he had been surrounded by in only an hour or so ago. There was no specific type or color of gems inside as far as he could see, and none of them were notably damaged. He stared at the sight, almost lovely, the frozen lives of at least a dozen gems floating in his vision, completely defenseless.

_Please, please… No more shattering. Let this be anything but that…_

 

* * *

 

“Log date: 20 – hey! You said you wanted to help – get, stop it. Okay, let’s try again.” Peridot hit the record button on her tablet’s microphone app and cleared her throat.

“Log date 20 – ”

Amethyst chimed in. “57!”

Then Garnet. “2.”

“Yes! That was perfect. We, the Crystal Gems, are about to leave Earth for a rescue mission to Homeworld. We’re comin’ for you, you _clods_!”

At that, Peridot and Amethyst roared with laughter, gripping each other for support while they stood in the early morning mist. Garnet smirked at them, but behind her shades she was very anxious. They only had one chance, they couldn’t mess this up. It had to work.

“Well… Is there anything else? I think we’re ready.” It was Lapis, who had just flown down from her silo, saying her goodbyes to Earth as she returned to Homeworld. The blue gem was trying to process a lot of confusing feelings, but she was at least certain that she wanted to help Steven, so her path was clear no matter how her heart felt.

Garnet responded flatly. “Yes, it’s time. Connie is almost ready.”

Pearl and the human were inside of the barn, the only ones not at the threshold of the Ruby Ship. They had rolled up her sleeping bag along with some other extra camping items and stowed them carefully away in the barn, and now Pearl was kneeling in front of her. Connie held up a small hand, badly calloused, as Pearl diligently wrapped it for her. It was much easier than trying to do it herself, and Pearl’s nimble fingers were much better than when Steven would try to do it.

Neither of them were speaking, but they both wanted to. It had been an emotional night, mostly happy tears, but plenty of sad ones, too. Had they prepared enough? Was this going to be the last time they were alone, teacher and student, should one of them die? What if they both died? What if neither of them died, but Steven did, and they failed the mission?

Once Pearl had stalled long enough, she sighed and lowered her hands as Connie brought both of her own down to her side.

“And you’re sure this is what you want?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Connie looked at her fiercely, with a devotion that was all too familiar to Pearl.

She exhaled and smiled. “Then we best go. Remember, Connie. Everything you have, everything you are…”

Connie finished the line for her, harmonizing with Pearl’s gentle voice. “I’ve got to give on the battlefield.”

The girl had that confident smile on her face that Pearl loved, the one she wore after a successful training session. Pearl knew she was worrying for nothing.

“Well, you are _my_ student after all.” The two smiled at each other, exchanged a nervous hug and went outside.

Before they had fully made it out the door, Garnet was standing there, blocking the way. All of the others had moved inside the Ruby Ship, but she stopped them by holding up a hand.

“And you both have Peridot’s armor?” Connie nodded, knocking her fist against her stomach as a suggestion of her protective gear. Without much adjustment, Peridot was able to re-engineer the structure of Connie’s training clothes to make them tear, fire, and projectile resistant. It sort of reminded her of the cut-proof gloves her mom had in the kitchen, a little bulky but otherwise, they felt normal. She could hear Peridot’s voice in her head, proud but serious: _Mind you, it’s resistant, not impenetrable._

Pearl also gave Garnet a sharp nod. “Yes, obviously.” She pointed towards the discolored spots on her forehead – those reminded Connie of her mom, too, but because they resembled electrodes she would sometimes use at the hospital – it was Peridot’s gem mod for Pearl, the most discreet she could manage.

“Right then. Let’s go.” Garnet stood to the side, letting the others lead her in. The fusion swept her gaze over the countryside a final time, noting the damaged grass and dirt from Ruby’s fight with Amethyst. She smiled, though, knowing that was also the night she came back together.

With a heavy exhale, she turned and entered the ship, the door closing behind her.

Peridot and Pearl were manning the helm, green checking the settings and making final adjustments, white preparing the steering. Connie, Amethyst and Lapis stood around a bit awkwardly, not really able to help, so Garnet ushered them to sit down next to her. It was sort of funny – there were several seats along the half-circle that were available, but Garnet preferred to sit on the ground. It was familiar; this is where she, Steven and Pearl had sat when Amethyst led them to the moon base with the Rubies.

“Alright, we’re about to depart.” It was Peridot, and she sounded confident. With her hands busy at the screen of familiar Homeworld tech, it was obvious the little gem was in her element. This is, in many ways, what she was made for. Garnet frowned at that, and walked behind her as she started to take them off the ground. Pearl looked towards their leader nervously, hoping that it both was and wasn’t a vision.

Garnet rested a gentle hand on the back of the green gem’s chair, her voice gentle. “Peridot. Thank you. We wouldn’t be able to go without you, and it’s because of you we’ll get him back.” The others were silent, listening. Peridot wasn’t looking at her, focused on the sky as she took them higher into the atmosphere, but her face had gone flush.

“But remember, we’re going back to a place where you, and you,” she nodded towards Pearl “And me, and all of us… aren’t respected. To them, we are only as valuable as our ability to serve them, to obey them. You’re a wonderful pilot, and an even better engineer, Peridot. But don’t forget, you’re more than that. To us.” She gestured around at them, the group returning a show of smiles as Garnet finished her unexpected pep-talk. The green gem kept her eyes forward, but a small tear formed under her visor, and she simply nodded.

“We are leaving Earth’s atmosphere.” It was an announcement, not a reply. She couldn’t think of anything to say back to the fusion.

After another thirty minutes of propelling safely away from Earth, their home all but gone from sight, Amethyst had gotten up and stood to look out a window. She had been to space before, but never Homeworld. This was new and scary – the closest she came was the Human Zoo, and that was just a pit stop compared to what was ahead.

Everything that had happened recently, especially with Jasper, had shaken her confidence. After Smokey Quartz, Amethyst had found some slightly better footing, but she still knew much of what Jasper had told her was true. To everyone here, she was just Amethyst, funny and goofy. But to Homeworld, she would be seen as pathetic and weak. A mistake. It was hard not to feel like one sometimes, often disappointed with her own temper.

Watching the galaxy spread out before her, Amethyst heard Peridot chime in lightly. “We are about to change to the gravity engine. I would suggest sitting in case of turbulence, but after a moment to stabilize, we should be good to go. I would guess we’ll be at the Zoo in no longer than two hours.

Sighing, the purple gem took a seat in front of one of the control monitors designed for the Ruby guards. She didn’t necessarily intend to distance herself from the others, but they were just as thoughtful and tense as she was right now, all of them concerned with the mission in their own way.

For Amethyst, it wasn’t just confidence that preoccupied her, but her purpose, too. She was a Quartz soldier, like Rose, Jasper, and the rest of the Famethyst, but she had never seen the true horrors of war. When she would fuse with Garnet or Pearl, she could get a sense of it from their memories, and it oddly made her feel… good? Superior, even? The thought made her feel weird and squishy inside, but Amethyst couldn’t deny that it was a good feeling.

It was like… the day she popped out of her hole, in the Kindergarten, she knew what she wanted to do, but without a context to apply her militarized existence, she just wasted the energy smashing rocks until Rose found her. She was made, literally, to fight. Being created on Earth, her specific purpose had been to act as extra muscle against the rebellion, and her life could not have gone more backwards. For Amethyst, her every instinct was supposed be mindless obedience and fighting until she died. When she had her whip in her hand and an enemy before her, she felt like she was meeting that potential, that she was everything Rose told her she could be. Except, the feeling wasn’t there when she faced Jasper. Coming to head with another Quartz soldiers was different… unnatural, even. They were all made to fight _for_ Homeworld, not each other.

Everything Amethyst felt like she was and wanted to be was in conflict with what she was made to do, a deep nerve tugging between her heart and her mind. To the Crystal Gems, to Steven, she was a friend, a partner, a teammate who deserved to be loved. To Homeworld, she was an extension of the will of a Diamond, disposable if she failed her objective.

And now she was more conflicted than ever. Her objective was to leave Earth, take on Homeworld, and fight other soldiers who were just as predisposed to fighting as she was. They just came out of the ground a few hundred years earlier, and yet, she would have to kill them if they got in her way.

“Ugh…” Amethyst tried to hide her sadness by sounding bored and frustrated, and thankfully nobody questioned her. For once, she really wasn’t in the mood to talk.

 

* * *

 

_Log Date: 20-57-2. My Diamond has summoned a meeting with the esteemed Blue and White Diamonds. No other attendants were permitted access, and, in addition to myself, only Blue Diamond’s Pearl is here. We wait outside for our Diamonds to conclude their conversation, the subject of their meeting focused on the Hybrid._

Pearl was standing at the door, next to her fellow Pearl, typing in her screen. She could hear yelling from beyond the bound door, but she said nothing, and decided to omit those details from her daily log. There wasn’t much to record without Yellow Diamond present, so she simply recorded the where and when, hoping to clarify her records at a later time.

Since they were alone, Pearl turned to her poised but downcast counterpart, a sneer on her face. “Your Diamond was late for the meeting. I do hope it was for a good reason. _My_ Diamond does not like to be kept waiting.”

 

Beyond the door, a large yellow fist slammed on the table. “ _No,_ White, this is unacceptable. You cannot be serious.” She was furious, meeting the intimidating stare of her opposite.

White Diamond said nothing, studying Yellow Diamond’s face with a lethal expression on her own. Blue Diamond had pulled her hood up and her head was bowed, obviously uncomfortable with Yellow Diamond’s fury. She did have reason to be angry, White going behind their backs, but…

“First, you take him to a restricted area, _my_ Kindergarten, without notifying us, and you go _alone_? He may be small, but he is the one who shattered Pink, what if something happened to you?” She stood from their triangular table, turning away from them, too livid to stand to look at either of them. Blue was not backing her up, and White was characteristically silent, judgmental, condescending.

“Now you’re saying we can’t shatter him? Wasn’t that the point of all of this – to lure out the Crystal Gems, break their spirit,” she gestured towards Blue, her idea to use him against them letting things get this far. “And then shatter them _all_? This is beyond irresponsible, White. We should just shatter him now, offer our people peace, let them move on from Pink. Or have you both forgotten – that’s what this was about. It was always supposed to be about her, and now you’ve both made it about _you_.”

Yellow had enough of being the only one to contribute, so she whipped around and held her ground, arms crossed, face set in a mask of rage. Someone was going to have to say something eventually, and she wasn’t leaving until they agreed with her. How could they pretend to be equals if the others refused to see reason?

The trio was frozen there for some time, uneasy silence filling the room. Well, uneasy for Yellow and Blue perhaps, but White Diamond didn’t care about their petty quarrels. Her mind was half a planet away, in the Research & Development district, wondering how his process was going. They must have completed several trials by now, and it was a waste of her attention to be here. Her Pearl was there, monitoring the situation, but it was not the same.

Eventually, Blue spoke, lifting her pretty face to gaze at her counterparts. “Yellow… I think White may be right. Think about it,” she raised a gentle hand before her furious sister could interrupt. “Even if it turns out to be a lost cause, we can always shatter him later. Right now, we don’t understand him enough to justify killing him. I think we should at least consider what White is saying, and if it fails, _then_ we can go on with the original plan.”

Frustrated, Yellow was standing behind her chair, arms gripping the back as she stared down at the table. Even Blue has been fooled by this traitor? White was always distracted, preoccupied, so from her she would have expected it – but Blue? This is exactly how Rose Quartz got close enough to deceive Pink, what started all of this. She teases you with potential, only to turn the blade on you when you least expect it.  

After another stretch of silence, Blue spoke again, changing the subject.

“For now, we should focus our energy on dealing with the Crystal Gems. The reason I was late for today’s meeting, my apologies once again,” she bowed her head respectfully towards them both, “was because my Sapphires had informed me that the rebels are coming. They should be here by this time tomorrow.”

At this, Yellow’s head flew up, livid once again. “Why did you not say something sooner, Blue? This is far more important, we should be strategizing. If they are still arriving the same manner as before, the most obvious first steps would be to notify the – ” but she was cut short when White stood. Her face was vacant, but her voice was sharp.

“No. Let them come to him. Notify no one, and – ” but this time she was cut off by Yellow.

“ _No, White!_ You’re being ridiculous; you can’t make unilateral decisions for our authority – for our entire race! We work together, we are supposed to be _equals_. If we leave our people without warning, the traitors may…”

White slammed both her hands against the table, no longer expressionless. Her eyes were shining, anger seeping off of her so vehemently that Blue’s brow furrowed in displeasure. “ _Enough!_ Silence. You are out of line, Yellow. You are both to do nothing, inform no one, and let the rebels come to him. Do I make myself clear?”

Yellow clenched a fist furiously, surprising herself when angry tears appeared in her eyes. She turned so the others would not see, although Blue would be able to sense it. At least White would not know.

And, according to White’s command, there _was_ silence. A deafening silence in fact, so intense that it seemed as if time itself had stopped. Without another word, White turned to leave, leaving Blue and Yellow alone with their admonishment.

 

* * *

 

**_Afternoon_ **

“Log Date: 20-57-2, continued. Preparing to begin Trial 9. Subject remains noncompliant, but concedes after extreme measures. Beginning Trial 9.”

“ _Wait!_ Wait…can’t we… at least… take a break? This is… a lot…” Steven’s lungs were rising and falling as he heaved, covered in sweat, on his hands and knees. He was a mess, coughing painfully in the middle of the room, both chairs gone and Peridot off to one side.

These trials were _not_ trials, but full on assaults from gems of every kind. When he was first released from his chair, the entire room became empty. It was like all of the metal fixtures melted into the floor, sucked downwards and flattening seamlessly. The only things remaining were the bubbles, Peridot, and himself.

The green gem popped one of delicate orbs and let the gem reform in front of her. As soon as it recognized her, Peridot pointed at him. Without hesitation, it turned into a full-on attack.

The first time, the gem had been one only a bit taller than him, a stocky yellow fighter with claw-like weapons. Her taunts and aggression reminded him of Jasper as she smashed again and again against his bubble until it popped, sending them both flying. Steven tried everything – his bubble, again, his shield, running and dodging – all the while attempting to reason with her, that they didn’t have to fight. But that was just it – they _did_ have to fight.

After maybe twenty minutes of Steven endlessly avoiding her, Peridot commanded her to stop. She complied, but Steven did not lower his shield, already feeling weak from the fight.

Through his labored breathing, the hybrid managed to exhale a few words. “W-what now?” The yellow gem had dematerialized her weapons and turned to face Peridot.

“Wa- wait! I’ll try harder, just, don’t send me back there. You can’t, I did it, you _can’t_ keep me in there!” Her voice was scared, all of her aggression gone, Steven just looking back and forth during their exchange.

“It is not my decision. Just, don’t move; it will be easier this way.” Peridot did not sound sympathetic. She just turned a dial on a small white device in her hands, not looking at either of them.

Then, in a sudden flash of pain, it was happening again – his arm pulling him, taking his own shield away from him. Steven yelled as he was pulled forward unexpectedly, his arm flaring bright white, glowing in response to Peridot’s dial.  
“No! Run, get away!” Steven tried to resist like last time, but it felt like his arm was going to be ripped from his shoulder. When he raised his voice in warning, the yellow gem turned back to him in surprise and held up a defensive hand as he smashed into her with his shield. Unfortunately for her, her gem was embedded in her palm, so the defensive reflex only put her in harm’s way.

“I’m – I’m sorry!” It was all he could manage before Peridot jabbed her with a destabilizer. His arm stopped, his shield dissolved, and the yellow gemstone fell delicately to the ground.

It continued like this, again and again, all the gems fierce in their desire to hurt him. Once Peridot determined that they had gone long enough, or his opponent had gotten close enough to shatter him, she would command them to stop.

After the fourth round, his entire body was sore and his ability to resist the ghostly control of his arm was getting weaker every time Peridot would turn the dial. The fifth gem was red and huge like Bismuth, and she had him easily pinned to the ground by the throat.

“Stop.”

The red gem let up the pressure, standing up and looking towards Peridot. Then, his pain, his phantom arm, his stolen arm started all over again. Naturally defensive and easily overpowering him, the large gem glared at Peridot while she held Steven aloft from his good arm, the other one flailing and dragging, but otherwise, failing to reach her. Anger flaring in her voice, she directed her biting words at Peridot, seething with venom.

“ _No!_ I know what this is! You said we would be freed if we didn’t ask questions, just did as we were told, that we would be pardoned. I can see what’s happening, what you – ”

Then, her face glazed over blankly, yellow pinpoints spreading over her face, and she poofed. Peridot destabilized her before she could finish, bubbling her and sending her away instead of gathering her gemstones with the others.

_They’re…prisoners?  
_

And so, Steven went on and on for several more rounds, trying to warn the reformed gems what was happening, but that plan had backfired completely. Too desperate for freedom, blinded by their desire to escape this hell, all of them used his pleading as a sign of weakness – an opening – and he was battered and bruised a handful of times. Peridot never let it get out of control, however, always stopping them before things got bloody.

Well, until now. He was coughing so hard that he spit up blood again, the last gem knocking him backwards with a painful blow directly to his chest. Amazed it hadn’t broken his ribs, Steven rubbed his fresh bruise – or maybe it had broken his bones, and he just couldn’t feel it anymore. Everything hurt.

“ _Please._ I don’t… know what you want… But I can’t… I need to… _rest…”_ Steven broke off when he started coughing again, his throat raw from the painful wheezing and relentless attacks.

She said nothing, at first, but she eventually agreed. “Trial 9 on pause. Subject will recuperate briefly before resuming trials.”

With a massive sigh of relief, Steven flopped over onto his back and closed his eyes, trying not to think about the soreness in his whole body, trying not to look at his arm. It was turning more horribly discolored and scarred each “trial,” on top of what had already happened with White Diamond.

Her metal-heavy footsteps approaching, Peridot paused when she was hovering over him. Steven’s eyes fluttered open, looking up at her, and stuck out his tongue. In another life, Steven would have thought it was funny, but neither of them laughed.

A floating metal digit flew down, brazed his tongue, and then zoomed away into a wall. They had done this each time he finished, and he preferred to offer his tongue rather than for her to wrench open his mouth like she had the first two times.

All in all, this was pretty bad… _but_ he wasn’t being made to shatter any of them, so it could have been worse. He tried to ask her questions earlier, why, why, _why_ they would want him to do this, what was the point, but she never answered. This time, since she allowed him a break (whatever that meant, he didn’t care), he saved his energy, closed his eyes again, and let the air fill his lungs.

Unfortunately, while his body slowed down, his mind sped up. He knew this wasn’t as bad as killing gems, but he was still hurting them, and worse yet, it was the _realization_ in their eyes before Peridot would poof them… Every time, in some capacity, they realized they were being lied to, being used. There was no escaping from whatever wrongs they had done in the eyes of Homeworld, a common thread connecting him to each of them. It really was like a prison – each gem an inmate, tempted with release, only for Steven to have to beat them while Peridot threw them back into solitary confinement. Peridot was the guard, and Steven her truncheon, and White Diamond, out of sight, their vindictive warden.

Then there was his arm – he hated it, vehemently, a badge of what he had become. It was glowing from the activity, the yellow still present but his blood looked like it had run cold under his skin, beyond pale, turning snowy white. It could have been pretty in a way, a delicate pallor with rivers of yellows running up and down through his fingers, but it represented something sinister and it ached from abuse and misuse.

Steven eventually sat up and opened his eyes, Peridot with her back to him as she typed at an enlarged screen. There were numbers and symbols on it, and he didn’t understand it, but he watched her anyways. Honestly, it felt like he didn’t understand anything anymore.

“Actually, that should be enough for now.” Her voice was matter-of-fact, as if she hadn’t just been submitting him to fight like an animal.

“ _What?_ ”

She turned fully to face him, her face serious. She raised a smaller screen and pushed her fingers against it.

“Log Date: 25-57-2, continued. Let the record reflect that the subject may suffer from impaired hearing.” Steven couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that.

“Upon completion of Trial 8, samples collected from _Steven_ have demonstrated heightened epidermal growth factor, noting ErbB-1 ligand receptors reaching peak reactions after Trial 6. Records should reflect most robust distribution of human hormone _testosterone_ reached after approximate 4 hours of activity. At this time, subject will begin plasmapheresis. WX0001 will proceed with secondary level trials at another time.”

Mostly to himself, Steven blurted out, “What does that _even_ mean?”

As expected, she did not answer him, but she did look away from her screen. Automatically, her fingers flew away and began to buzz around the room pressing buttons and writing things down. A second later, Steven yelped when they grabbed him and dragged him to stand, his chair rising from the metal floor beneath his feet, and the little appendages pushed him back into a sitting position.

Once again, Steven found himself bound, and once again, he found it totally unnecessary. Peridot kept saying in her logs that he was being noncompliant, be he felt pretty darn compliant at this point.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Almost there. Are you all ready? We’ll be docking in ten minutes.” It was Peridot, and she was visibly nervous now that they had almost made it to the Human Zoo. Instinctively, they all turned to Garnet, who did not appear at all worried. Whether or not she was doing it for their benefit was unclear, but it did help to steady the group’s shaking hands.

Given her reputation, Lapis was surprisingly calm. She had never been to the Human Zoo specifically, but she knew it was an older era base. Honestly, it was probably pretty contemporary for her, built right around the time she had been trapped in the mirror; it was likely on par with her expectations for what gem tech used to be like.

Arms crossed, she looked out the window as a glittering pink vessel started to come into view, taking shape at the end of her vision like a predator catching sight of her prey. If there was one thing Lapis understood, it was revenge. She had made a vow the day she had ran into Connie at the Temple that she would have her dues for what they did to Steven, and she was eager to see it through. She was dealing with a lot of emotions, and the prospect of taking it out on someone actually excited her.

Thinking about that day, the blue gem turned to look at the human girl whose face was focused in concentration. Lapis had to admit, she was pretty impressive for a human – Steven was half-gem, so he didn’t count. She was strong, poised, mature for her age, and she obviously cared for Steven, so Lapis had developed an appreciation for her company.

Lapis turned her gaze from her to Peridot when she realized the green gem was trying to grab for her hand. She was standing next to her at the front of the Ruby Ship while they were coming closer; she wanted the best possible view of the base as they approached. With a shy smile, Lapis accepted the small shaking hand in her steady blue one, her grip tighter than she meant it to be. Of course she was nervous like the others, but her worries were easily overshadowed by her anger, and that was her primary focus right now.

The door to the base opened easily, just as it had last time with the registered Homeworld vessel – it likely would have more difficult if they had tried to rig something themselves. They had worried that this might be where the trouble started, their ship using a covert illusionary field to decrease their visibility; it would be suspicious for the entrance of the ship to just open unannounced.

All of them were tense as they entered, but it melted away once the door sealed behind them. There was… nobody here?

“Aw, _what_! I was looking forward to some Famethyst action.” The purple gem had shapeshifted to her “preferred” height by Homeworld’s standards, but she returned to normal stature in her disappointment.

Garnet had to try very hard not to scowl, keeping her face steeled from emotion. “Let’s go.”

It was all the command they needed for her to indicate that they were safe here, at least for now.

After examining the room for a long moment, Pearl gently peaked around the doorframe that led deeper into the ship – but there was no one.

She stood up, confused. “What’s going on, Garnet? Where is everyone?” Her voice suddenly became terrified. “Are we… _too late?”_

Now everyone was looking at her, which only served to make her more frustrated. She had expected soldiers to be lining the halls… something changed, something she couldn’t see. That vexing static returned to her vision, flashes of Homeworld with no clarity.

“I…don’t know. They were supposed to be waiting for us.” Garnet admitted slowly. The others still didn’t know what happened to the Amethysts and Jaspers, and they didn’t need to know right now. Even without the usual guard, there was still supposed to a defensive force and she had already plotted out the appropriate moments to hide and the moments to fight. It didn’t reflect what was happening, and she couldn’t see much further into the grainy future, whited out by an unknown force.

Several of the Crystal Gems were looking at each other anxiously, so Garnet tried her best to put on a confident face. They needed a leader, and she wasn’t Rose, but she still had to try.

“Alright, just, stay alert. Something strange is happening with future vision, so we will go without it for now. But,” Pearl and Connie exchanged a nervous glance. “ _But_ , we don’t need it. Just stick together.”

And so that’s what they did, Garnet leading the way. She still had a sense of where the cargo vessel they intended to stow away on was located, even if it was just in her memory. For ten minutes, they all walked slowly, alert as Garnet had instructed, weapons drawn and ears straining to detect any sign of activity. They stopped when they reached a door that several of them recognized – behind it, in their memory, was Blue and Yellow Diamond, Steven and Greg, and a hundred Rose Quartzes, all bubbled away.

Pearl let out a slow exhale. “Okay. Be ready.” They all faced forward, half wondering if the Diamonds were still behind the door. She tinkered with the screen since was already familiar with these panels and the door glided open.

The room was empty – no Diamonds, no humans, and even no Rose Quartz gemstones. It felt like the entire base had been abandoned.

Silently, weapons lowered by degrees, they all moved forward into the room and looked around at the massive pillars. Connie’s stomach twisted uncomfortably, but she kept her eyes and ears focused. This wasn’t at all how she had pictured things would be – how was everything going so smoothly? Suspicion rose and grabbed her pumping heart, but she bit her tongue, following the others.

Garnet directed them up the ramp and out a side-door that she recalled from her vision, confident that this was the way they would have gone. It opened to reveal a narrow, pink hallway with a single door on the other side. She motioned for the others to follow, quiet as they filed in two at a time. Then, suddenly, Garnet went stiff, an uninterrupted vision finally making its way through the haze.

“ _Something’s happening_.” Everyone froze, waiting, and Garnet suddenly flung herself forward at the door. The others followed frantically, and Garnet pushed the two halves of the exit apart, grunting with effort.

“It’s… going to lock us in. Hurry. Go!” She extended her arms and pushed with one leg, forcing the door apart as the others crawled awkwardly around her. Connie, Lapis, Peridot and Pearl all made it through first, Amethyst stopping to help Garnet keep the door open. Then, with a quick nod of the head, the two flew outwards towards the others simultaneously as the door smashed together behind them.

They spilled onto the floor of a half-circle room, many doors lining the curvature of the circle with signs written in gem. One read Infirmary, another Communications, Resources – Human, Resources – Gem, and so on. There must at least be a dozen doors, each expanding outward into the base.

Amethyst shot up immediately, but Garnet lingered on her hands and knees, halfway standing when she adjusted her visor.

“Someone’s coming… _there_.” She pointed towards an open frame to their left, and before the others could react, a gem entered.

Her eyes went wide behind her visor as she studied the strange scene before her. A human, a Quartz, an unknown, massive gem, a Pearl, a Peridot and a Lapis Lazuli were huddled tensely in front of a closed door that lead into the main corridor of the ship.

Instantly recognizing her gem type, Peridot hissed towards the others. “Should be easy. Danburite. Maintenance class. Era 2.” Almost immediately, the rest of them drew their weapons threateningly, daring her to try something.

Danburite was easily outnumbered by the hostile intruders, and her mind was racing. Why hadn’t her Diamond warned her, sent troops? That was the plan if they were to come – and yet, here they are. She could not fight alone, and there were only a handful of guards remaining, quarantined to one part of the base.

Raising her hands, she went with the diplomatic approach. “You… You are here for the half-human, aren’t you?”

Garnet stood up fully now, raising a hand to still the others. They looked confused but complied, lowering their weapons and eyeing the Homeworld gem warily.

In response, Danburite pushed a hand underneath her visor and covered her eyes, laughing. The others had not expected this, most of their suspicion giving way to confusion.

She slowed her laughing after a moment and regained her composure. She started walking towards them and removed her visor – her eyes were a beautiful, pure blue. “I’m sorry. I am Danburite. Well, I _am_ , but the half-human child called me Dani. You,” she pointed at Peridot, who flinched. “You must be _Peri_. He explained the origin of your name when he started calling me that.”

That softened them, finally letting their weapons fall. The Crystal Gems knew only Steven was earnest enough to try to make friends with Homeworld gems, giving them nicknames and inspiring laughter in their otherwise vacant hearts. She knew him.

Pearl stood next to Garnet nervously. “What do we do now?” Each white gem was eyeing the other with a strange expression on their faces.

The fusion was paused while she studied the Homeworld gem. Something was off. How had she not seen this coming?

Danburite froze up suddenly, her muscles tensing as she realized what this meant. She returned her visor to hide her eyes. “I am afraid he is not here. I… rather, _he_ was very certain you wouldn’t be coming. I – we – all communication with him was forbidden… but he wouldn’t stop talking.”

She was looking at her hands, her voice genuinely sad. “He didn’t _want_ you to come.”

 

* * *

 

That was the last she could stand of White’s unwarranted, nefarious supremacy over her. She, Yellow _Diamond_ , just as much a part of Homeworld’s leadership as White, had tried to be rational. She had tried to be patient, understanding, and tolerant of White’s secrets, her dismissive attitude, the way she treated Blue and herself like children. White may have been the first, but they had agreed to a mutual, fair delegation of authority. This was neither mutual nor fair, and Yellow Diamond had had enough.

After a day had passed, letting the dust settle, Yellow marched forcefully towards her personal warp pad; she knew exactly what she wanted to do and exactly where she wanted to go.

It only took her a few moments to reach her destination, and in a flash, she was in White’s military sector, where they had agreed on keeping him.

_Where is he? I’m taking care of this. This will be a victory for Homeworld, even if I have to force White’s hand for her to see it._

Her Pearl would be reaching the Communications Hub any moment now, sending an alert to gems all across Homeworld, and then White wouldn’t be able to stop her. For all her sister’s misgivings, they all agreed on a few core principles: the lower classes must not see any instability from the top. Losing Pink had been devastating authoritatively and emotionally – her loss demanding a reorganizing of each district to accommodate just the three of them again, but this time with a mass exodus of gems that had belonged to Pink needing repositioned and re-acclimated to new loyalties, leadership, and way of life.

The others may think she is an unfeeling tyrant – an image she does like to maintain for the sake of discipline – but this has been just as hard on her as it has been on them. She _wants_ to move on, to focus on something new and exciting. Pink would never have wanted this, the most compassionate of all of them, dirtying their hands in torturous affairs. It’s not that he, or Rose Quartz, didn’t deserve to suffer, but… the time for that had come and gone in the thousands of years. Yellow desired closure, not revenge, and White and Blue were too preoccupied to see the extent of the resources they were wasting.

She had almost reached the maximum security ward of White’s purgatory, two of her few Quartz soldiers standing at attention at the door.

“M-My Diamond! How unexpected, and wonderful it is, to see you.” They both quivered beneath her, flanking the door.

“Yes, yes – open it, now. I need to see him.”

The two exchanged a glance and shrank away from her. “I- I don’t think that’s a good idea, my Diamond. He is…”

“I don't _care_ what he is, or who he is, or why he is. All I care about is where he is and in a moment that is going to be – ” and she stopped short once she had opened the door herself. He was gone. There was a tense pause, the guards saying nothing as they looked at her in fear.

Her voice fell to a whisper, eyes narrowed as she stepped back to look at both of them.

“ _Where?_ ”

“R-r-reseach and deve-development, m-my Diamond.” They were visibly shaking under her gaze.

Pitiful – how does White tolerate such cowards? She raised a hand and an electrical current flew from her fingertips, destabilizing them both, gemstones clattering to the ground. She did not bother to bubble them, already having wasted her time. The message would be going out within the hour.

 

* * *

 

Danburite and Peridot spoke very nonchalantly as the elegant gem led the others through Pink Diamond’s base. She seemed trustworthy enough, and even if she tried to turn on them, they easily outnumbered her.

“The technology here lags behind the other bases, especially since this is considered a leisure hub; the military grade vessels always get the newest technology first.” Danburite nodded her head towards a panel in the wall as she unlocked a door.

“Oh, I know all about that. You have no idea – the gem tech back on Earth is horrendous. Pre-war tech, practically dirt – fitting for the planet so aptly named!” Danburite seemed aghast at the green gems brash, but giggled despite herself.

Towards the back of their group, Garnet and Pearl walked, expressionless and disapproving respectively.

In a whisper, Pearl leaned to Garnet. “And you’re _sure_ we can trust her?”

Garnet released a small sigh at that, but set her mouth to a line. “No. But I’m not sure we can’t, either. It’s… strange that I couldn’t see her in my vision. Now she is helping us? It’s…” but she didn’t finish the thought, and she didn’t need to. Pearl could fill in the blank: suspicious, confusing, strange, mysterious.

Connie was also wary, but she knew Steven had a good read on others so if he trusted her, she thought it was at least getting off to the right start. She caught up with Peridot at her side and spoke.

“So, Danburite, where are we going?”

She lowered her head sadly at that, but replied. “I wanted to, um, give you… something. It feels important. We are nearly there.” She walked in front of a wide, gray door after leading them through a maze of hallways. After swiftly grazing her fingers across the screens, the door slowly retracted to reveal, well…a lot of junk, actually.

Amethyst, naturally, was the first to jump in. “Whoa, what is all this stuff? Some of it’s like, ancient.”

Danburite smiled at that. “Well, you could say some of it is. Pre-war, post-war. Anything belonging to the humans before their proselytization. Here,” She opened one of the top containers, a pretty white and blue storage box. The others peered around it and gasped.

Inside the chest were Steven’s things: a perfect pink star shirt, and a barely-there tattered one, two pairs of jeans, flip flops. Connie also recognized his cellphone, badly damaged and would likely have to be replaced. And then, to their surprise, was also some things that must have been Greg’s from his time here – a bright red shirt like the one Steven had brought home from Korea and larger flip-flops to match Steven’s small ones.

“I…” Danburite had extracted herself from them, looking downcast, but it was hard to tell behind her glasses.

“I wanted to… Rather, the half-human, he… I wanted to help him, but I would have been shattered. I thought it was just me; I work with humans here at the Zoo, so I thought I was overly sympathetic.” She removed her glasses, but covered her eyes with her hands in an expression of shame. The others looked at her, shocked.

“Take these things, and go. I can take you back to your ship. He, just… it was painful, the way he spoke about you. He wanted more than anything for you to… stay away.” After a sad, longing look at them, she put her visor back on and backed away. The others had a wordless exchange, some sad, some determined, but eventually it was Pearl who spoke up.

“I… thank you, for returning this to us. But we won’t go. We are going to get him back.”

She looked flustered, confused at how they were smiling at her. “But – it’s a death wish, you must know that. Do you really want to die? He wanted you all to _live_.”

Garnet grimaced and suddenly threw her hand up. “ _Wait!_ ”

“I’m sorry.”

She really was sorry.

In a rush of motion, the door slammed shut and the neutral light that filled the small room began flashing red, a maddening alarm blaring loudly. Garnet flew forward to the door, banging a fist on it, yelling.

“Danburite! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

But it was too late, she had already sealed them away. She didn’t want anyone else to get hurt, and she knew the boy did not want that either. She typed the coordinates for Earth into the closed pod and after a loud shudder of metal on metal, the door in front of her was replaced by pink metal while the others were sent away from the ship, off into space.


	24. What Divides Us (or, Confusion)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems are lost in space - chaos ensues.

 “That _liar!_ ” Amethyst was yelling, and though the Gems were able to maintain their gravity, nothing else did, and soon everything was thrown into chaos. Human possessions, new and old, began to spill everywhere and fly into all of them. It was madness, the deafening alarm and flashing red light, junk bumping into everyone as they began to push away from the base, the vessel jerking and sputtering from inactivity, thrusting them all around violently as it set a course for Earth.

Many of them were yelling in confusion, and Garnet formed both gauntlets and pounded on the door angrily, trying to break free before they had gone too far.

Pearl was screaming at her, tugging on one of her arms with both of her own. “Garnet, _stop!_ Connie will _die!_ ”

Realization flashed on the Garnet’s face – it was true, all of the oxygen would be sucked out of the pod if she broke through – and her expression was quickly replaced by shame before the ship jerked again, flinging her backwards and throwing more crates around the airless trap. Connie had grabbed Steven’s shirt before the madness started, clinging it to her chest as she was slammed randomly into objects, floating through the cacophony of sights and sounds, bumped with each crescendo and pushed backwards in each quarter rest. A shooting star, the cargo pod sped across the galaxy – a cold grey on the outside, flaring red and combusting and collapsing within. It was, in a word, chaos.

Amethyst had been able to latch onto Peridot in the activity, screaming at her over the madness. “ _Peridot_! Can’t you do something! Rig it or _something_?” The green gem was already a step ahead of her, feeling around for a loose panel, but it was difficult through the vacillating space. There wasn’t much room to move around, which worked to their disadvantage, constantly being bumped and shoved as more belongings flooded the space outwards and upwards with each erratic jerk of their tiny ship.

Madly, Garnet and Pearl tried to hold down as many boxes as they could while Amethyst and Peridot ripped up panels, careful not to create any holes. Lapis was floating with her water wings, cradling Connie and knocking away junk as it floated towards them. They couldn’t be moving very fast without a gravity engine, but resource pods are designed for speed so it was impossible to know how close or far they had moved away from Pink Diamond’s base.

Mercifully, Amethyst found the shut off for the alarm, but the light still flashed red. It was at least quiet enough that they could think again, relief washing over them.

“It’s got to be – in this generation of – yes, here we go. Yes! I found it! Hold on.”

And they did, hoping that whatever Peridot was about to do didn’t make things worse. They held their breath while her little fingers worked at wires and plucked at microchips. Then, with a crash, all of the worldly objects smashed into the ground. Connie was the only Earthly thing still afloat, safe in the protection of Lapis’ arms.

“Way to _go,_ Peri!” Amethyst ran up and offered her a high-five, but the green gem did not return it. She may have been able to restore gravity, but it was obvious that she was raddled by what had just happened. Her usually green face was shadowed in the same wicked red that flooded the room. The space had grown darker, bathing them all in a flat crimson that made everyone look they had been washed in blood.

The others came to the same understanding as Amethyst slowly lowered her hand. They were on a five-thousand year old cargo pod headed for _Earth_ – they had only just left a few hours ago.

Pearl closed her eyes and took a steadying breath before speaking. “One thing at a time. Is anyone hurt?”

The gems and Connie inspected themselves, thankfully unharmed with the exception of two bruises on Connie’s arm. She was still gripping Steven’s shirt, but her hold felt a little more desperate now.

Pearl spoke again, her war experience taking charge. “Peridot, can you at least get us to stop moving?”

“I… might be able to. These older models were usually designed for one-way routed travel – it was faster that way. They were intended to make a delivery, then someone would need to re-route it manually to send it back. I could certainly stop it, but I would have to totally disconnect the navigation from the engine. And if I do that…”

She didn’t finish the thought, everyone else hearing the words unspoken: _we’ll be stuck here._

Amethyst sank to the ground, crossed-legged and seething with annoyance. They needed things to work out now more than ever, and this was just a disaster.

 _Steven…_ She leaned her head back against a box, wondering what he was doing right now.

The others joined Amethyst on the ground, the air stinging with defeat. All of them knew the longer they waited, the less likely it would be that they would reach him.

Lapis broke the stillness, her face thoughtful. “Why don’t we just… go back to the base? One of us could bubble Connie and carry her. It would be faster than this.”

Garnet frowned, thinking, considering the possibilities. None of them looked good, unfortunately. “It’s too risky. Bubbles are fragile, one tiny mistake could cost Connie her life.”

They all fell quiet again, trying to deny reality. Did it really come to keeping Connie alive or going back for Steven? That was a cruel play from fate.

Peridot joined the conversation tersely, all her former confidence gone. “Well… we could _send_ Connie back to Earth. Bubbles are fragile when carried, but if they were transported… But it would be dangerous from this distance, if not foolish.”

Connie felt a little hurt, but she realized that it was her keeping them here. She knew Steven was more important, so if that’s what it took, she would do it.

Naturally, they turned to Garnet again, who had removed her visor in exasperation. She did not speak, trying to focus, thinking…

“It wouldn’t work. Connie would not… make it back safely.” The euphemism was wasted, everyone understanding what she meant. The human girl had grown very pale, and was shivering.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry Connie.” Pearl stood and started looking around in the mess of belongings and boxes for something that could keep her warm, a blanket or comfort in this celestial scarlet of nightmares. There had been enough residual heat from the Zoo to keep her okay for now, but the longer they sat here the more dangerous the conditions would become. She ended up using Greg’s shirt as a blanket, making a mental note to thank him if they got back to Earth.

Amethyst’s annoyance was budding into anger now. “Well, we can’t just sit here, we need to make a decision. The longer we wait, the further we’re getting from the base and the closer to Earth. Are we going to stop, or not?”

And she was right, there were no windows – the pod wasn’t exactly intended for passengers – so it was impossible for them to know how far they’ve traveled. They all just glanced around at each other, faces dark, confronted with an impossible choice.

 _What can we even do? All of us get stranded out here, or head back to Earth? Connie will die, and without the navigation we might_ never _make it back to Earth; or, Connie will live if we go back, but we don’t have any other way to get to Homeworld. Steven…_

“Why don’t we…” Pearl began, but she stopped halfway through the thought. “No, no, that wouldn’t…” and trailed off again. The others were eager at any prospect that might preclude either of those options, so they encouraged her to continue.

She bit her lip, looking nervously from Peridot to Connie to Lapis. “Well… we could try to meet in the middle – I mean, literally. Connie may not be safe out there in space if we tried to carry her, but what if we split up? Lapis, with your speed and flight capabilities, you could reach the ship faster than if we all tried to go. And, Peridot, you are the only one who could navigate the ship back to us. If you went together, you could make it back to the Ruby Ship unhindered, while we would stay here and keep Connie safe in a bubble.”

They were tense while Garnet considered it. “It… could work. I won’t lie, our odds aren’t very good. This isn’t like when Steven got lost in space – he can control his bubble from inside. Ours could pop very easily by comparison. And, even if you are a straight shot from our current location – it would take a little over four hours for you both to get there. And then you would have to come back and find us.” The fusion was measuring the barnmates both very seriously as she went on, not prepared to risk Connie’s life if she wasn’t certain they were up to the task.

They had been holding hands, squeezing as Garnet addressed them. They shared a responsibility to protect Steven, and if this was their only option, then they were prepared to face it. Lapis pressed her mouth into a hard line and nodded for the both of them.

Pearl interjected then. “This is… all well and good. But, the one most at risk here is Connie.”

She stood up and moved next to her student, taking the girl’s wrapped hand in her own cold one. It was a gentle touch, a bond between student and teacher that had blossomed into mutual respect and friendship.

She looked at the human girl seriously. “Do you understand what this would mean, Connie? If something goes wrong, we,” she indicated the other gems sitting around them. “Will all survive. This is a choice only you can make.” Her voice rang with finality.

Before Connie could reply, Garnet added to the already tense conversation. “It will be dangerous. Even if everything goes well, I don’t think you’ll have enough oxygen to survive for more than six hours.”

The girl was shivering, but not from fear. She had agreed to do whatever it took to save him, and if this was the cost, then she accepted the possibility of dying out here. In her mind, she could hear Steven’s voice from Pearl’s dream.

_I…love her, Pearl, I wish I could have told her. But I don’t want to hurt her anymore._

She had to do this for him.

After the decision had been made, they sprang into action fairly quickly. With a nod of confidence, the others let Peridot work her magic. It didn’t take the gem long for the ship to jolt one final time, then they were floating along an uninterrupted path through the vacuum of space, inertia a concept lost to the stars. Amethyst and Pearl were doing their best to coach Connie on what to expect, how little or how much to move, what differences to consider from being in a bubble on Earth. Garnet was moving the boxes, filled with possessions sadly stripped from their owners in millennia past, to a pile in front of the door. She did keep Steven and Greg’s belongings, asking Pearl to store them in gem, but everything else went in the pile.

Peridot and Lapis were feeling the most pressure out of anyone, the pair quiet and focused. Lapis had to kneel to be on Peridot’s level, but they were looking at each other fiercely.

The blue gem whispered to her, voice full of fire. “We can do this. It’ll just be me and you, like at the barn _.”_

Peridot returned her intensity, leaning her head forward, resting her gem gently against the blue one’s forehead and closing her eyes. “ _Of course_ we can do this. We’re Percy and Pierre _._ ”

Face turning a pretty shade of purple as she blushed under the red light, Lapis closed her eyes and smiled.

“Well… are we ready?” It was Garnet, her voice even. Connie was standing next to her, frowning but her eyes were sparkling under the red light. Pearl and Amethyst flanked them, faces determined, and so Lapis turned to offer Peridot to climb on her back. She accepted, and they stood next to the door. It was time to part ways.

Garnet bent down gently and placed her hands, gauntlets and all, on the human girl’s shoulders. She was wearing Steven’s shirt over her training gear, and she gripped Greg’s shirt-made-blanket in one hand. In the frigid temperature of space, she was going to need all the extra layers she could afford, even if the bubble would seal in some heat.

“Alright, Connie. Just try to breathe steadily. Regular inhales and exhales, and let us know if something is wrong. Are you ready?” She said nothing, giving Garnet a single firm nod.

Her hands dropped softly away from Connie’s shoulders, and in a fluid motion, the girl was surrounded by a sparkling purple orb under the red light, refracting the hue in a sparkling, pretty way. Garnet held her aloft in one hand and handed her to Pearl – she was going to need both hands for her next task.

“Alright, stand back.” Her voice did not leave room for questions.

In typical Garnet fashion, she began to pound against the door in an awesome demonstration of force. The crunching of metal under her mighty fists made them wince, but it was also an inspiring sight. _Finally_ – it may be a simple action, but it felt like they were _doing_ something. The plan was shaky at best, but they hadn’t given up. The Crystal Gems were notorious for defying the odds, and that was not about to stop. What image more aptly portrayed that than Garnet doing one of the things Garnet does best – smashing her way through whatever stood in their way.

In an abrupt shift, all of the air within the pod was sucked out, a vacuum ripping away everything that had been sealed inside until the pressure had evened out. Amethyst had carefully shapeshifted across the back of the pod into a large net, letting the air escape while she secured Connie from being blasted into space.

Then, Peridot and Lapis were off, following the directions Garnet had given them. The four of them watched the gems take flight, blue and green, until they were swallowed by the blackness. The success of this mission – Connie’s life, Steven’s life, and the fate of the Crystal Gems – was in their hands now.

Pearl and Amethyst took turns holding Connie, playing the longest game of the-floor-is-lava ever, except in the space version, _literally-everything-is-lava_ ; they couldn’t risk her floating into the metal floor, ceiling, or walls of the pod.

To Connie, it sort of reminded her of the weightless and mystifying experience of traveling in a warp stream, but there was no solid ground on which she would comfortably land. Instead, she hovered, looking out into the blackness as Garnet stood looking into space with her arms crossed. So far, she had not said anything about Lapis and Peridot, which the others took to be a good sign.

It was surprisingly restful while they waited, the Crystal Gems and Connie floating through space. If Connie’s life force wasn’t literally slipping away by the minute, they all might have even enjoyed themselves. Soft red light spilling out into a galaxy of darkness, speckled with shimmering flecks of color as far as their vision could see. Garnet would go between sitting on the top of the pod, scanning both present and future for threats, or standing in the doorway to block any potential space debris from floating inwards. She had not totally destroyed the door, though it was a sad sight to behold. The latch bonding it to the cargo hold had been partially ripped away by the force of the air pressure change, invisible hands pulling all of the contents of the pod away, into space. The initial resistance had splintered it from the ship, and now the protective piece of metal hung there uselessly.

Pearl suggested trying to put it back for another layer of protection from anything outside, but Garnet was hesitant.  The metal was badly warped, and there were several possibilities where sharp pieces might unlodge and float inwards rather than outwards. This way, they could at least watch the cosmos go by, Garnet acting as guard from any foreseeable threats.

During one of those stoic meditations, the fusion studying the stars in search of answers of Homeworld, she gasped. A sound broke the stillness of the universe, surprisingly close and shockingly familiar. Amethyst had been so startled she nearly dropped Connie, which made them all jump, but she managed to catch her with a well-timed stretch of her arms.

Connie’s heart was beating loudly from the sudden scare, but she was trying hard to listen along with the others. What was that, where was it coming from? It was… close…

“ _…shhcrk….nonessential shhcrk gems must shrrk…Diamond…”_

Garnet stepped carefully off of the edge of their private balcony, lifting herself up on the top of the pod, straining her ears... _There._ It was the outside of the door, buzzing weakly to life, the same screen Danburite had used to seal them away having managed to survive their bumpy departure. She carefully reached out and grabbed it, noticing that it was sparking lightly, damaged but not broken. Bringing it gently into the pod, the others were staring at it as an image of Yellow Diamond’s Pearl sneered down at them, cutting out randomly, trying to tell them something.

Pearl, for her part, had begun to tremble – she recognized this style of dispatch, even after thousands of years. Yellow Pearl was standing at the main access channel for Homeworld communications. It was a… message.

The four of them stared at it, deadpanned as she cracked in and out of view. What was she trying to say? Was this targeted at them specifically, or was this going out across all screens, everywhere?

Garnet stood in the doorway, facing the others, watching the message from the translucency of the screen on the other side. Her brow was furrowed, trying to understand, thinking, searching…

Connie was having the most difficult time of them all, her vision and hearing obstructed by Garnet’s bubble. Amethyst had turned her head to speak to Pearl, holding Connie securely yet delicately in enlarged purple hands. “P, you don’t think you could try to, like, fix it?”

Her voice hadn’t been hopeful, and Pearl shook her head slowly, her face concentrated on the screen. “No, no… I can operate these things, but I don’t have the tools nor the expertise to repair them externally…”

They were all quiet for some time after that, picking up bits and pieces as Yellow Pearl’s voice and image struggled through the damaged gem tech. They were able to collectively agree on the repetition of certain words: mandatory, Diamond, public, essential, and true. Everything else was interrupted, words _almost_ rising to the surface only to pop they could fully form.

Their frustration was evident, but it was especially present for Garnet. She still couldn’t see, but she could tell something was changing. She could see Steven sitting, and then him on his knees, both times he looked very, very sad. She could see something with Blue Diamond, and the vision was washed with fear but no clarity, and there was a gem in her hand at some point. She couldn’t tell if it was friend, or foe, or how it got –

She was interrupted from her thoughts when a passing asteroid smacked her painfully in the back of the head. Between the unexpected force, surprise and distraction, Garnet was flung forward into the pod, catching herself instinctively on her hands and knees only inches from the others. That was an unfortunate use of reflexes, however, as her notable strength and weight came down hard on the base of the small pod, spinning them dangerously on the inside of the pod, pulled around by centripetal force. The screen flew into a wall and was smashed entirely, while the Gems spilled downwards and backwards as they twirled madly like a ride at Funland.

Disoriented by both her sight _and_ her vision, Garnet failed to even notice the rush of purple that sped past her head, out the entrance and into space. The fusion slammed a fist in the opposite direction, trying to stabilize their motion, but it was too late. None of them saw which way the bubble went, or heard Connie scream as she was thrust into the void.

 

* * *

 

Both of them were aware of how strangely intimate this moment was, but neither of them chose to acknowledge it out loud. After all, they had at least another hour before they would reach Pink Diamond’s base.

Not wanting to be a distraction, Peridot stayed quiet while Lapis focused on guiding them through space. Resigned to sitting with just her thoughts, the small gem couldn’t help but linger on that warm moment they had shared before leaving the others. It almost, _she_ almost, felt like Lapis understood her better than anyone, even better than Steven. She wanted to say something about it, or freeze time there for just a bit longer so she could relive the feeling, but there were higher order things going on – the Crystal Gems needed them both right now. Despite her best efforts, Peridot still felt her face grow warm when her mind would wander, remembering the feeling of Lapis’ cold skin pressed gently against the gem on her forehead. Peridot was glad to be positioned on the blue gem’s back; from here, Lapis could not see her blush.

Comparatively, Lapis was having an even harder time staying focused. Her arms were linked around Peridot’s short legs and she could feel small green hands secured around her shoulders. It was like a reverse hug, and she typically did not let others fly with her like this besides Steven. Peridot was pressed up against her gemstone, the physical contact making her… uncomfortable? No, not that exactly. It was… nervous. She was trying not to seem twitchy by keeping her eyes forward and focused on Garnet’s directions, but it was difficult with her so close. They had occasionally held hands as a comfort from time to time… this was different.

Then, there was the matter of the universe itself, devastatingly beautiful as it unfolded before them, stretching onto infinity beyond their vision. They passed stars, planets, moons, asteroids and comets as they continued flying back towards Pink Diamond’s base, and it was a striking sight. Lapis had traveled through space like this before, but never with company. Never like _this_ , with someone who watched these same stars with her on Earth on clear nights; with someone to ask what pattern they could see strung between the dots of the cosmos; with someone who she trusted and cared about.

So for a majority of the trip, even though it was hours long, they spoke very little. It was still nice, despite some lingering tension, because no matter how confused and nervous they felt, Lapis and Peridot were together. The blue gem smiled, remembering the kind words Peridot had said to her as they stood above the ocean only days ago.

_I just want you to realize how important you are. To me. Because of you, I don’t have to measure my life anymore by time, but by worth…I was bad, and you were good. Now **we** can be good, too._

We. _We_. Lapis liked it, but she realized the thought had made her blush. Flustered, Lapis cleared her throat awkwardly in the silence. Considering gems don’t need to breath, even she realized that was conspicuous, but Peridot said nothing. She seemed to be focused on something else, lost in thought.

A few minutes later, Peridot asked her a question in an even tone. “Why do you Danburite did that?”

Lapis had not really given the idea much thought, so she was silent for a moment, thinking.

“I… don’t know. I guess I assumed it was because she is loyal to Blue Diamond, but, now that I think about it…” she trailed off, the green gem picking up for her.

“Yes, I noticed, too. That doesn’t make sense, why would she have offered to bring us back to the Ruby Ship, to return home? I… think she’s like us, Lapis.”

Lapis stared ahead, processing her words. “Just another gem who made bad choices, trying to do the right thing.”

Peridot squeezed her arms a little tighter around the blue gem’s shoulders in agreement, but said nothing.

More time passed, the two of them thinking about Steven, the universe, Homeworld, the barn, each other… It was scary, but it was nice.

In due time, Pink Diamond’s base glimmered ever so slightly in the darkness. Peridot noticed it first, pointing a hand over Lapis’ shoulder.

“There – I see it. The base.”

She was right, and thanks to Garnet’s instructions, they had made it perfectly on time. But as they came closer, something didn’t seem right. They… something else was getting closer?

Lapis halted, straightening and floating while they were still a ways off, squinting.

“Is _that_ …?”

Peridot’s voice was weak. “ _A Hand Ship_.”

Even more frightening, Peridot recognized this one, too. It belonged to Yellow Diamond, a military class vessel with all the bells and whistles.

They neared the ship carefully, flying above rather than straight at it to avoid detection. By the time it was well within sight, the pair watched in horror as it docked right where they intended to go. Too large to enter the ship entirely, a green connecting tunnel extended from one outstretched finger, leading soldiers directly into the docking area, right in front of the Ruby Ship.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _Connie!_ ” Garnet managed to stabilize the pod, but the damage had been done. Amethyst and Pearl were a tangled mess from the sudden movement, and the girl was gone, shot outwards at some point into the blackness around them. She focused very, _very_ hard, all of her energy going into where they would find Connie and – _there_. Garnet could see it, but it was alarming and there wasn’t much time.

“She’s out here, this way! Connie, hold on!” Garnet jumped relentlessly after the girl, barely visible in the bubble as she shot away from them into the darkness. Unlike Lapis, none of the Crystal Gems could easily navigate their way through space, left to use gravity to stand or to glide – there was no in between.

_No, it can’t – I shouldn’t have, why didn’t I see it? Connie, just hold on, I’m almost there…_

But it was hard to feel motivated as she tried to fling herself off of rocks and space debris towards the girl, knowing that they were both headed directly into the path of an asteroid belt.

Then, there was the other issue of the future cracking her concentration. She could finally see now, whatever had bound Homeworld in a haze had mostly cleared, and the message from the Yellow Pearl rang threateningly in her mind. She was torn, future and present, the fusion divided in their focus. _Steven… Connie…_

Two children, and she had failed them both. It was a terrible feeling, shooting after the girl despite what she saw, desperate to intervene, to stop it, and she was _almost_ there…

Pure force on her side, Garnet had been almost able to catch up, the asteroids and the girl coming into sight as she launched herself off of debris and rocks that floated through space, her acceleration able to make pace with Connie’s velocity.

“ _Garnet!”_ Connie’s voice was muffled and disoriented, but she could see the fusion rocketing after her as she spun, amazed that she hadn’t popped yet, about to mark herself as lucky when she saw the panic etched into Garnet’s face. Turning her head, Connie clutched her legs and arms together and took in a deep breath, prepared to smash into an asteroid. It was inches away, rotating towards her, almost there, _so close_ …

And then space itself seemed to explode into white light. Connie thought she had died, the vacant atmosphere stealing the oxygen from her lungs, but she was able to peak through her eyes. It was dark, but there were a million streaks of white light zooming past her, narrowly avoiding her bubble. She took in a huge gulp of air in relief and in celebration of her life. She lived.

_How…?_

Garnet caught up with her, taking her bubble gently into her hands, before Connie could even begin to process what had happened. Blinking up at her, Connie noticed the fusion’s visor cracked from being thrown around the pod.

“Garnet… what? How? Thank you!” Connie’s heart was fit to burst, pumping hard with adrenaline.

The fusion said nothing, but she cradled the bubble very carefully as she took off her visor completely. The girl was shocked to see a tear welling at one of her eyes, quickly brushed away by the back of her hand.

“Wah – ? I’m okay, Garnet! You saved me – let’s just, hurry, back to the pod.” Connie shivered as she wrapped the extra layers around her a bit tighter and the pair turned around.

Covering her mouth with her hands, a gasp escaped her lips. It made sense now – the white light, the precision, the fear in Garnet’s face. She _wasn’t_ able to catch up with her in time, she _was_ going to be too late. Garnet had not saved her, but the figure who was leaping towards them. Connie could only image this, _she_ , was Opal.

She was everything Steven had told her and more, tall and beautiful, long hair and even longer limbs. In one hand was a beautiful, shining bow that glowed with energy, another waved kindly towards her, while the other two helped her to stay balanced as she bounded towards them. She was… _amazing_. Her every action was the embodiment of grace; her face the image of opulence. Connie was just staring at her, in total awe as the towering, lilac vision approached them both, smiling gently.

“Connie – so sorry we let you slip away. Let’s go back?” Even her voice was a delicate melody.

Before Connie could answer, Garnet felt the need to intervene. “I… Connie, I’m so sorry. I was so focused on the future, I lost track of the present. I should never have put you in harm’s way. I can’t even…” Connie was surprised, never having heard Garnet like this before. The fusion usually flourished with confidence– and now, her visor removed, her eyes were a mark of pain and disappointment.

“What – no, Garnet, don’t be ridiculous! You are being too hard on yourself,” she gave her a weak smile as her heart rate had almost returned to normal. “Nobody is perfect, and you’ve got the weight of… well, _Homeworld_ on your shoulders. Let’s just go back, for now. Peridot and Lapis could be here soon.”

Garnet smiled appreciatively at the human girl’s words and replaced her visor, but her heart was still heavy as Opal led them back towards the pod.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, are you sure you’re ready?” Peridot was nervous, hoping Lapis would act as a rock to steady her right now. They had agreed on a plan – in space, without terraforming, Lapis wasn’t much of a fighter, and Peridot’s powers were too finicky to rely on offensively, so they were going to use speed and surprise to their advantage. If they could fly in _just_ as the loading connection was removed, before the doors closed, Peridot would quickly open the latch to the Ruby Ship while Lapis flew around as a distraction. If they were lucky, the majority of the military presence should be just Quartz soldiers, who specialized in hand-to-hand combat and would be unable to reach her. They just needed a distraction long enough for her to get the door open, and they could speed away before the soldiers even had a chance to realize what was up from down.

And thankfully, Lapis _was_ ready. She had been waiting for this chance, just a _taste_ of what she intended to do when she got to Homeworld, when she found Holly Blue Agate…

Lapis had been so focused that she didn’t realize Peridot was leaning forward, over her shoulder until she turned to give her a nod. They were so close their noses were almost touching; surprised, they both giggled, a moment of welcome relief before they descended upon the enemy. Lapis blushed just the tiniest bit, giving Peridot the nod she had intended, and then flew downwards to the loading area.

And they moved not a moment too soon, either, because as they crept closer the Hand Ship attachment depressurized, indicating that it disconnected from the base. Wordless, Peridot squeezed one of the blue arms locked around her leg, indicating it was time. _Go._

The pair made their entrance, Peridot ducked her head low so as not to hit into anything, and Lapis gracefully swooped close to the ground near the Ruby Ship. Immediately, a mixture of confused shouting and pointing fingers began to ignite around the room, but the pair did not give them any mind. There was a commotion as Lapis leapt in and out of their reach, coming just close enough to keep their attention but vaulting upwards like a wave, tranquil and mesmerizing, only to crash downwards again with frightening speed. She was the ocean, beautiful and unpredictable, snaking through their fingers as they tried to cup her in their hands.

Peridot, on the ground, estimated there were at least forty soldiers, which she knew to be the size of a single battalion, and she had been right earlier – most of them were Quartz soldiers, although no Jaspers, Carnelians or Amethysts (the “Famethyst”) as they had been told to expect at the Zoo. From what she could tell, most of them were Citrine – similar to Carnelians, but they were usually colored yellowish orange

Wasting no time, the green gem began to unlock the doors of the Ruby Ship, an easy feat for her; she’s opened these doors at least dozen times by now. She bolted up the steps as fast as her legs could take her and yelled up to her barnie in a familiar way.

“ _Lapis_! Now!” In a flash, the blue gem flew at the green one, propelling them both backwards into the Ruby Ship. Unfortunately, she flew a little too forcefully, and as a result, they both went flying backwards into the ship, Lapis knocked off kilter and smashing into a wall, while Peridot went sprawling in the other direction. By the time they had both regained their bearings, they had both been seized by Citrines and a lone Ametrine, the commanding presence in the force.

Lapis didn’t like being touched by almost anyone, and she especially did not like the way two soldiers were roughly gripping her arms, holding her in place. She could not fly, could not move, she was stuck, trapped, a prisoner…

_No, no, I can’t do this again, I can’t get trapped again. No, no, no… I won’t. I won’t let it happen._

Peridot watched in horror as her companion started to become undone, recognizing the panic and fear in her face. This was _her_ fault, she had to do something, stop them, but there was no use. She was tiny, a limbless Peridot, as good as useless on her own.

“Lapis! I’m sorry!” She felt a tear well at her eye, but it was knocked away when a rough fist made contact with her face, cracking her visor. The Ametrine had an awful sneer on her face, obviously unimpressed.

“ _This_ is supposed to be the mighty Crystal Gem force we heard so much about? Where’s your _fusion_ leader? This is just pathetic,” she added a kick to Peridot’s stomach for good measure, Lapis horrified as they hurt her.

“Stop it! _Don’t_ touch her!”

Another soldier, one of the Citrine, grabbed her cheeks between one large hand. “Oh, _what_ , are you going to use your tears to drown me? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Take them out.” It was the Ametrine's command, the barnmates being dragged as they were removed from the Ruby Ship. As a precautionary measure, the commander summoned her weapon – a large battle-axe, at least twice the size of Peridot –  and smashed the control panel. Peridot felt like she was watching a murder as she was dragged away from their only hope.

Lapis was being pulled backwards, away from her, and a circle of laughing and mocking Citrine had begun to form, taunting them. The blue gem was struggling in their grasp, refusing to let this happen again, desperate, yelling and shouting as they dragged them apart.

“ _What_ is this?” A voice echoed loudly in the room, a pretty white gem appearing in the door that had once framed Holly Blue Agate in a similar, disapproving way.

Behind her own visor, Danburite’s eyes went wide with recognition. How – _why_ did they come back?

“Danburite – these are the traitors we were sent here to recover. But there are supposed to be more of them, there are others, a fusion, a Pearl, a – ” Danburite raised a hand to silence the Ametrine, still staring at the pair in front of her.

_Why did they come back? Do they really think they can stop the Diamonds? He’s… as good as dead, they have to realize that._

There was silence as she studied them, thinking, but… did she dare? Could she?

Eventually, she spoke, her voice sharp. “You are mistaken, Ametrine. These are two of my own, they aid me in tending to the humans. Unhand them, immediately.”

“B- but it was said that a Lapis Lazuli and –”

Impressively stern for such a graceful gem, she cut the other gem off. “Did I _stutter?_ ”

Reluctantly, Ametrine looked between the blue and green gem, but this was almost entirely Danburite’s operation with Holly Blue Agate back on Homeworld. She couldn’t disobey an order, so she nodded at the Citrines to release them.

“ _Peridot!”_

 _“Lapis!”_ It was practically in unison, the two flying towards each other, Lapis falling to her knees and hugging her tightly. Peridot was holding her, resting her broken visor on Lapis’ shoulder. In a frantic whisper, she began apologizing, so relieved they hadn’t hurt Lapis.

“I’m so, so sorry Lapis. This was a stupid plan, and I – ”

“ _Shh…_ Do you trust me?” Lapis was still holding her close, the onlookers obviously uncomfortable by the display of affection. The green gem just gave the tiniest nod.

“Danburite, please – you’re _certain_ these are…?” The white gem had backed up into the hallway, her heart and mind conflicted. Well, if there was one thing Danburite knew she _could_ do, it was seal people away when they wanted answers. With a sigh, she typed a command into the panel at the door causing it to latch shut, denying entry of the battalion to the rest of the Zoo, hoping that her intervention had been enough for the others to escape, but not to become a target herself.

“ _Now.”_ While the soldiers were distracted, several running and banging on the door, Lapis shot up to a standing position, dragging Peridot by the hand as she twirled herself around the green gem in a graceful pirouette. She leaned against Peridot gently with one arm, a ballerina’s pose, before scooping her up and launching her into the air with a spin. Then, water wings springing to life, she flew up and caught Peridot in a blinding turquoise light.

The crowd of soldiers below were stunned, blinking in the sudden brightness that exploded into the room. Lustrous, aglow with a striking Aegean light, Blue Prehnite hovered elegantly in the air above them. She blinked several times, four eyes behind a butterfly-shaped visor, and looked down to inspect herself. Her hair was large and delicate, pointed backwards in soft waves of turquoise and powder blue; a single set of long legs and pale teal arms extended downwards, accentuated by a fitted garment that stopped at her shoulders and a flowing aquamarine skirt that was cut through the center to reveal lined leggings underneath. The typical curvature of Lapis’ water wings had vanished as well, replaced by sharp, thin lines of water that extended outwards into icy tips, closely resembling the wings of a dragonfly; these, she could tell, were much, much faster.

Prehnite felt … powerful, and confident, and amazed by herself. Did Lapis plan this? Did Peridot want this? Was Lapis okay with it now, or did she want to stop? A million questions flashed through her collective mind, but as she flexed their thin teal fingers, she realized that her dominate emotion was _relief_. She was pretty sure Garnet had talked to Peridot about this once, but her combined power made her feel _so_ self-assured, every fiber of her being bound by… trust.

“Whoa.” Her voice was a pitched like Peridot, but disinterested like Lapis; it made her giggle in surprise.

“… _So_ , you were looking for a fusion, right?” Prehnite laughed, enjoying the fear that crept into the faces below, most if not all never having seen a cross-fusion before. They looked magnificently terrified, and with good reason.

Raising both of her hands in concentration, she gripped the air with a new, unfamiliar intensity. The movement felt natural, but foreign; old, yet fresh. Then, the battalion exploded into a chaotic mess of sounds and movements, all of it colored by anger and fear.

Prehnite watched the soldiers try to spring into action, bemused as the scene exploded with activity. She easily ascended higher to avoid any attacks that were even close to reaching her. Even flying felt refreshing – she was a model of precision, zooming around the room with ease.

For what it’s worth, she could not blame the reinforcements for the terror in their faces. She would be scared, too –  one moment, you’re triumphant, and the next, the floor itself had become alive. Metallic hands grew from the beneath their feet, grabbing at the ankles of eighty legs, as if an army of artificial fusions had spawned from the very steel that supported them. But these hands were not mindless like an artificial fusion – they were a powerful, unyielding execution of her will. Forget terraforming – she could _manipulate metal_ – they snickered again, satisfied with their discovery.

It was thrilling for Prehnite, but for those below, it was absolute terror. The hands pulled hard, digging like sharpened daggers into each and every soldier unlucky enough to be caught in their grasp – many fell over, some screamed in pain, others started to stab and kick at her creations. Pleased as the mayhem, the fusion turned her attention back to the mission objective, a frown on her face.

_The Ruby Ship is… ruined. Hmm. Another plan, perhaps?_

Twirling through the air, the turquoise gem decided to make a new tool, an improved trinket. Surely they could do better than manipulate just the floor – the entire ship was metal, after all. Scratching her chin thoughtfully, ignoring the agonizing screams below, Prehnite flew over towards the door that sealed them away from the Hand Ship. A smile creeped up to her lips as a strategy nestled in her brain.

Tensing her hands again, Prehnite’s face was focused as a deafening, grinding sound filled the room – the sound of metal being ripped apart. She dragged a hand across the air, a mass of alloy following her movements in a swirling, beautiful ball of color. It was as if the steel had been super-heated to neither a liquid nor a solid, but a form that begged potential, the possibilities endless. Focusing, she twisted the steel that had once sealed them in and made a massive hand of her own. A mighty, colossal, heavy palm with plated fingers, pointed and dangerously jagged.

“G’Bye, clods.”

With a grand sweeping motion of her arm, the molded steel swiped across the floor, palm facing her targets, smashing through the entire battalion. A colorful cloud of smoke rose to meet them, tickling her face as she floated gently above, watching her creation at work. the room. The massive hand carried the gems with that same force until it stopped, hitting the opposite wall, but there was no loud impact, no damaged gems. The moment the hand was reunited with a shared source of metal, it simply melded into the wall on contact, relaxing seamlessly back into its natural form.

Landing gently on her toes, Prehnite blinked several times as she bent to examine the impressive collection of Quartz littering the ground, collected in a neat pile against the wall that absorbed the hand. Wow, she was… they were… something else.

“Should I… are you okay?” She was hesitant, careful. She didn’t want her to hurt herself.

“…Yes. I’m okay.” She took a calm, steady breath, closing all of her eyes.

“We’re okay.”

 

* * *

 

For what felt like a long time, Garnet held Connie in the cargo pod, the two surprisingly calm given all that just happened. Garnet was trying to forgive herself for earlier – it was irresponsible and, ironically, short-sighted to let herself be consumed by the future, and this was a nice bonding moment for the two of them. Most of their time… _before_ all of this, had been spent only when Connie was a part of Stevonnie, so this felt nice – just the two of them. Well, and Opal. The giant woman had pulled a large hunk of rock towards them with a familiar purple whip and had made it her personal floating seat, sitting defensively just in front of the opening of the pod. She was having her own private moment, so she felt disconnected from the human and the other fusion.

She didn’t get to be herself very often anymore, the halves of her whole sometimes out of sync and always busy, always worried, always self-conscious. She hadn’t been herself since before everything with the Cluster, and even that had been brief. Even though these circumstances were… grim, it at least felt nice to be alone with herself. There was a lot of things out there that made her feel weak, but Opal was bound by an intensity right now that even she couldn’t explain, so she enjoyed awaiting Peridot and Lapis’ return in a comfortable silence. The moment with Garnet earlier had been stressful for all of them, but sometimes… it’s what divides us that unites us.

Inside the pod, Connie had burst out laughing. She was trying to ignore her headache, the shortness in her lungs. “So, Ruby really likes _frogs_? Why?”

Garnet couldn’t help but chuckle. “I don’t even know. Sapphire likes frogs, so Ruby likes to like frogs, because they remind her of Sapphire.”

“Aw, Garnet, that’s beautiful.” Connie meant it – Ruby and Sapphire had a special sort of connection that she only appreciated more after Stevonnie fell from the Sky Arena.

“Hmm. Frogs are beautiful…? I think I like that.” That made Connie laugh again, but she coughed too. Neither of them had said anything, but they knew there wasn’t much time left. Garnet had seen flickers of Peridot and Lapis, the base had been ambushed, they had been caught, but they were alive. It was confusing, in some futures they arrived in a Ruby Ship, and in another they just arrived, she couldn’t tell… But now was not the time. Present, not future.

Connie probably had an hour, tops, so Garnet frowned and released a sigh of her own.

“Connie, I’m going to ask you not to speak anymore. It’s… safer that way.” Her voice had turned serious, and the human’s eyes went wide, but she nodded in understanding.

“Since I have this moment… I know you declined my apology earlier, but I want to say it again. Connie, you are a member of this team as much as me, or Pearl, or Steven. You _are_ a Crystal Gem. I had already taken a risk at your expense to go through with this plan,” she nodded her head to Connie, suspended in the purple bubble. “But I lost sight of what mattered, frustrated by Homeworld and what’s happening with Steven and flashes of visions I can’t understand. Then, there was Yellow Pearl’s message…” Connie arched an eyebrow; Garnet hadn’t mentioned anything about the message earlier. Did she know something? Was it a vision?

Garnet could see the curiosity on the girl’s face, however, so she shook her head lightly. “Not yet. I’ll tell you when the others get here. It makes more sense that way, since things could change.” Mysteriously, her visor seemed to glimmer a little under the red light as she said that. Connie nodded, appreciating her sincerity.  
“G-Garnet!” It was Opal, her soft voice turned sharp. The fusion adjusted so she could turn to see Opal outside, careful not to disturb the bubble in her hands, and her eyes went wide. A moment or two passed, and a great green Hand Ship was approaching them very quickly. She was tempted to shoot up, fearful at first, but then… _clarity_.

And then she was laughing, laughing and laughing and smiling. Opal looked confused and terrified, thinking that Garnet may have perhaps become unhinged.

“W-what are you doing? We need to go! How did they find us? Give Connie to me, we can – ”

The ship stopped abruptly and in a flash of movement, a beautiful turquoise gem appeared before them. Opal and Connie looked shocked, mouths agape, and Garnet just grinned in deference, marveling at Prehnite’s grace and confidence. Three fusions, six gems, one human, all floating in space, staring at each other.

Opal staggered through a mess of words “You – but, how – a _fusion?_ Um – sorry – what do we call you?”

“It’s… Blue Prehnite.” She sounded embarrassed at the sudden attention. “But, um, we – or I – guessed that Steven will want to call us Pree. So… either is just fine.” She beamed warmly back at the others; the thought of surprising him with, well, herself, filled her with delight.

Garnet had walked to the cusp of the pod, signaled for Opal to take Connie, and she crossed her arms. “So, Pree... If I’m keeping track correctly from what I gathered in my spotty visions, you were ambushed, you fused, you took out a battalion of soldiers and… what was the last thing?” She feigned ignorance, tapping a few fingers along one cheek, loving the surprise and glow of the two of them together.

“Oh, right, the next logical thing. You stole a war ship that personally belongs to Yellow Diamond, right out from under Homeworld’s nose.”

Prehnite couldn’t help but blush at that, bashful. Connie and Opal just stared at her, dumbfounded. They – she – did all of that in just a few hours?

“What do you have to say for yourself?” Garnet was smirking, her sarcasm obvious.

“Just…” she threw her hands up, embarrassed and proud and rolling all four of her eyes at them.

“Stop being a bunch of _clods_ and let’s _go._ ”


	25. Gem Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven travels through white, yellow and blue rooms, and a green star lights up the sky.

Steven wondered what caused corruption; he imagined his mind would have started to rot by now, to use White Diamond’s terms, if he wasn’t half-human. Maybe next time around it would start – he could only hope so. He would very gladly be a shell of himself right now.

“Log Date: 20-57-3. This is Peridot. Preparing Secondary Level Trial 4. Reactionary lachrymation has been extracted successfully at each stage. Beginning Trial 4.”

Each time it started, he felt the metal of his chair constrict a little tighter around him and a floating green digit would appear to collect his tears. The extra security must have helped to keep him from shaking, or else Peridot would never have been able to gather the wetness from his cheeks.

They weren’t alone in the all-white testing room anymore. Now, it was Steven, Peridot, and Sapphire. She was… just like his Sapphire, actually, almost in every way, but he was pretty sure she was white. He thought his eyes had been playing tricks on him, her hair having shimmered in a rainbow of colors when she first entered, but when the door closed behind her she was pure alabaster, features soft as snow. The only other difference was the location of her gem. He would later learn it was located on the back of her neck, like Holly Blue Agate… Like Opalite.

She stood on a raised platform for a fourth time, facing him. He couldn’t move his neck, so he just closed his eyes and waited. The whole experience felt even more backwards by his association with the gesture – it felt so wrong. Sapphire leaned over and kissed him gently on the temple, a loving touch that Garnet would share with him, but this was nothing like that.

The vision hit him hard, a milieu of feelings and memories overwhelming him in a instant, and then it was over again. It felt like he had just lived through ten years of his life, and yet hardly any time had passed at all.

How could he even explain it? It was like Opalite, his burning arm, the look on Pearl’s face, the fatality of White Diamond’s voice, all mixed together in his brain like the Cluster. He just floated in blank space, figures appearing and changing before he could even conceptualize what they might mean. Everything he had ever known, ever loved, was brought to the surface and struck down in front of him. Korea, Lion, the Hand Ship, every birthday he’s ever had, Stevonnie, his ukulele, Empire City, Bismuth… It was like a maelstrom of sentiments, thoughts, places, and memories were being torn apart and then sewn back together, atom by atom, millisecond by millisecond, and then were hung out to dry like his clothes on a warm day. After the rush, there would be a horrible ripping feeling, a shortness in his lungs like when he had drifted out of the warp stream, and then he was back, sweat and tears washing over him, reality returning. It was so fleeting, but it so intense; so powerful, yet it left him so weak. It was undefined, infinite chaos.

Coughing, Steven came back up for air. His vision turned white and he blinked slowly, the rest of the white world materializing around him. Why did everything hurt? Where was he? It took several moments to untangle himself from the clouds in his Temple room, to shrug off Jasper’s arm from across his shoulders, and to say goodbye to Sad Spoon. Life was upside down, backwards, and nothing made sense. It felt like he had just been smothered by his own brain and resuscitated with music.

He came back though, every time, words dying in his throat. What even _was_ this Sapphire? Each time the vision was different, just as forceful as the first time, turning his heart inside out as he tried to reconfigure what was real and what was not.

Another moment, and then, Peridot spoke again.

“Log Date: 20-57-3, continued. Preparing to begin Secondary Level Trial 5. Reactionary lachrymation has been extracted successfully at each stage. Beginning Trial 5.”

And then he was drowning. Again, and again, and again.

 

* * *

 

White and Yellow shared the majority of the Research & Development district, Blue not having as much an interest in technology as she had in culture. As a result, Yellow Diamond’s influence here was extensive. She passed many of her own subordinates, all of whom stopped to salute and move out of her way, but she gave them no mind. Now was not the time for formalities; she needed to act, to stop White’s reckless proposal while she still had a chance.

She stormed down a series of hallways until she reached the connecting lobby between the Yellow and White research units. Predictably, not a single of White’s subjects were anywhere to be seen, hidden away like everything else she owned.

Too frustrated to seek them out, she found a Yellow Agate and demanded answers. “You – are there any new projects that have been started by White Diamond? Look it up – now.” The Agate in question froze, not having expected her Diamond to appear, and especially not to be immediately commanded to act.

She jumped into a salute. “Y-Yes, My Diamond! Just one moment,” she turned to another low class gem, who had stopped to salute in front of a screen.

“You heard her! _Look_! This week’s records.” Her voice was urgent, an echo of Yellow’s own authority.

The gem trembled as she searched as quickly as possible, file after file.

She looked up, her face pained as if she had seen a ghost. “N-no, My Diamond. Nothing.”

The Agate looked terribly nervous, domineering the other gem. “That _can’t_ be _!_ Search again.”

Another minute passed. This time, the Agate was watching the screen by her side, and he face fell.

“Nothing… Nothing from White Diamond in over a month.” The fear in her voice was evident.

Not bothering with a reply, Yellow Diamond started towards the direction of their restricted experiments.

It only took another few minutes, but she was slowed down without her Pearl to work the small panels for her.

 _There_.

It was immediately apparent when she had found the room she had been looking for, the yellow door displaying _Testing in Progress_ , a warning not to disturb the trials. Damned be the trials – Yellow advanced through the door.

“This is – m-my my Diamond! I apologize, I was in the middle of – ” she was cut off, replaced by a green puff of smoke that cracked with yellow energy.

Steven blinked through the sudden haze, disoriented as his blood was drawn for the second day in a row.  Peridot had at least mercifully explained what she was doing when she stabbed him in the arm with a needle yesterday – taking the plasma from his blood – but she failed to explain _why_. It was a painful, slow process, so he sat with his eyes closed as he focused on cataloguing his memories, trying to clarify what was real and what had been twisted after the day’s maddening ride of emotions.

It had taken _sixteen_ mind-numbing trials before Peridot agreed they had done enough, declaring that WX90002 would begin the next day. That had made him feel ill; how could there be more to this? Were there going to be new trials, more trials? Was this even remotely related to him being the “key,” or was this just another form of punishment? It was hard for Steven to even trust reality right now, let alone for him to try to question it.

That’s why, when Yellow Diamond entered the room, he thought he was back again – back in another suffocating, alternate reality. He squeezed his eyes tight and tried to come up for air, but she was still there, and Peridot had disappeared, and he still had a needle in his arm. This time, the nightmares were real.

After a few more seconds of staring dumbly at her, Steven realized the she was speaking to him. He tried to focus, concentrate on his own world and not the pounding in his head, trying to understand what she was saying to him.

“… you are? Rose Quartz? _Steven_ , that’s what they call you? Well, I’ve had enough of it. There’s been a change of plans, and you’re _my_ prisoner now.”

He was still just staring at her, confused, light-headed from all the activity, but a shiver ran up his spine nonetheless. Those same words… _Malachite_.

Before Steven could catch up, Yellow Diamond leaned down and with a single, giant finger, she bubbled him. When Garnet and White Diamond had bubbled him, it hadn’t hurt – and the barrier itself didn’t really – but the tube in his arm was ripped painfully from his skin when she sealed him away from the outside world. He grabbed at the unexpected tear in his arm – it ran deep, the needle in his vein had torn _through_ him rather than plucked gently outwards. It was almost funny, his bad arm now cradling his good one, but there was no laughter, just the soft trickle of blood as it pooled at the bottom of his yellow cage.

 _What is happening? Change of plans? What did she mean – I never_ stopped _being a prisoner…_

Yellow wasn’t going to risk losing him, sending him off without a guide. There was no way to know how maniacal a rogue gem could be, so she held him to her face with her extended finger.

“I will say this once, so consider it wisely. The only thing keeping me from destroying you, your precious _Crystal Gems_ , and the Earth is the thin film that separates my finger from your skull. Do _not_ try to escape.” She meant it, threat and warning all in one. Steven gulped hard, eyes wide as she studied him.

Yellow Diamond could only think of a single thing as she examined the pale, trembling figure that floated in front of her, red discharge – human blood, she guessed – collecting at the bottom of her bubble. He was a disappointing, waste of minerals. He was _pathetic._

Turning on her heel, the tyrant left with her prisoner in tow. She needed to keep him sealed away at the time her message would release – White would come after him, but that was fine. Yellow was going to have her way with the traitor whether White liked it or not, but she needed to be careful – timing would make or break this plan.

Moving back through the hallways, towards her warp pad, Yellow listened for the announcement to be made. The hybrid was floating quietly in her palm, surprisingly tranquil, his eyes forward as they moved. There was no broadcast yet, but it would come within the hour, so she needed to move quickly.

 

* * *

 

The shirt that Dani had given him back at Pink Diamond’s base had been replaced by an identical tunic the first day of his trials. They even upgraded his ensemble to feature white pants. The original shirt had lost its soft pallor, growing dirty over the days he’s spent on Homeworld, so the replacement outfit was a nice change. It was sort of nice to have clean clothes, even if Homeworld didn’t really seem to care about his health or hygiene. It was still a little sad to part with his jeans, his last little piece of home, but they were matted with dirt and sweat and were too big for him now. Looking at himself, the replacement outfit felt like a huge waste.

His crisp, white shirt had already been drenched in sweat, was torn jaggedly across the bottom, and now was soaked with fresh splotches of his own blood. Steven managed to stop the bleeding in his arm by tearing off the bottom of the linen and wrapping it around the point where the needle had dragged through his arm. He had watched a lot of T.V. shows where people would tie things like this to their wounds to stop blood loss, so he wasn’t sure he did it right at first, but it did stop eventually.

For this moment, things felt oddly peaceful. Maybe it was just a relief to have escaped the despotic white world that had swallowed his mind, his heart, and his days as he had become White Diamond’s plaything. When Yellow Diamond had taken him, he expected to be brought to another holding cell or to be another test subject for an experiment, a threatening yellow room that would shine severely down at him, but he had been wrong.

She had escorted him to a grand blue room that could only belong to Blue Diamond. It was powdery and lovely, elegantly framed around a long pointed seat – what he guessed could only be the Homeworld equivalent of a couch or a chaise. He was here, and he was alone. The world through his bubble sparkled a pretty green as the colors swirled together, a refreshing change from his monochromatic prison; at least things here were interesting to look at it, but he could only study them for so long before his head started to ache.

Sighing as he tried to dispel his dizziness, Steven didn’t even entertain the thought of popping his bubble. What would it accomplish? Yellow Diamond’s last words before leaving him were still fresh in his mind, playing again and again like a disturbing movie.

_White may have given you the impression that you were special – exceptional, important. But that's just it – you’re the opposite. The only thing that makes you exceptional is your remarkable insignificance. You’re a plight, a mistake, a mark of the lowest rungs of our race. Remember that when I see you tomorrow._

He frowned, but he did not cry like he once might have. Even his hands were steady – he’s learned a lot since leaving Earth, and if there was one thing that had been made perfectly clear was that his existence was a problem, a complication, a fool’s errand. It was a lesson that only became clearer to him after the Sapphire had shared her visions – or, whatever those were – with him. If he didn’t exist, the Gems and his Dad would still have Rose Quartz; they could have continued their peaceful, hidden existence on Earth. He was the one who was reckless, childish, stubborn. From the day he was born, to when his Peridot stepped out of the galaxy warp on Earth, all the way to Korea and now, he had dragged everyone he cared about into the chaos that was his entire life.

Resting his tired eyes for a while, Steven’s stream of consciousness was interrupted when he heard a familiar voice. That voice… it was one from the mission to Zoo – the tone, the inflection – it was Yellow Diamond’s Pearl.

Steven followed the sound, turning in the bubble, and gasped as he saw a massive iteration of that same Pearl towering over him. It took his brain a moment to catch up, to realize that she was not, in fact, fifteen times the height he remembered; she was being projected onto a large screen like the one he had first talked to his Peridot on Earth, beneath the Kindergarten. Her face was serious, judgmental, severe.

_“On this day, the Diamond Authority announces a military victory in the name of Homeworld. No longer shall our race wonder after the fate of the traitors of the Civil War. The leader of these deceivers and defectors, Rose Quartz, will no longer scour the universe. Let any cut, color, and class of gem who lost their Diamond, as well as any other nonessential military gems, attend this Pubic Execution and see justice done in the name of those who gave their lives for Homeworld. At the quarter past the ninth hour, tomorrow, the Rebel Rose Quartz shall be put to death. One this day, the Diamond Authority announces a military victory…”_

The message repeated again, then again, and another time still. On a loop, Steven watched the way her lips twitched into nearly a smile when she said _death_ , the knitting of her brows as she spoke Rose Quartz name, the genuine sadness in her voice when she referred to Pink Diamond. Steven was not really upset by the announcement, just more confused than anything. This… really didn’t seem like what he expected to happen.

_I mean, maybe? Eventually? But Blue Diamond had seemed certain that they wouldn’t kill me, at least not for a while. I wonder if the message reached the wailing stone all the way back on Earth? I hope the others don’t hear it. Maybe White Diamond wants to use my shards in an artificial fusion? What would happen to my body? Does it hurt to die?_

He released a heavy exhale, wondering, waiting. At least there would be no WX0002, no more horrible visions, no more fighting until he thought he would collapse. No more fear, no more Kindergartens, no more bubbles. No more shattering, no more Opalite, no more White Diamond. Things finally felt like they made sense.

Steven Universe was ready to die.

 

* * *

 

Garnet’s mouth was drawn tight as she stood in front of the others, considering the best way to explain what tomorrow would bring. Amethyst and Pearl had returned, needing their separate minds fully focused on what was ahead, but Prehnite was enjoying her own company, so she remained present and attentive. Connie looked very tired, needing rest after all of the challenges in the past few hours. She stood expectantly, Garnet having promised her that they would talk about her vision when the others were together, but she still felt exhausted; finally warm with plenty of breathable air, her eyes drooped lazily as she listened.

“I have some… news. My visions have changed, but not very clearly. I am able to see the message sent to us by Yellow Diamond’s Pearl. It may have been in the past, but it’s been continually broadcasting on all Homeworld channels, so it exists in the future, too.” She lowered her eyes, brows drawn together behind her shades.

“They… are going to host an event tomorrow. It will be styled like a festival; an exodus of gems will be gathered in celebration. It… they will hold a public execution, tomorrow. Early.”

Pearl nearly fell over as the reality of her words washed over them. Garnet may not have said who the event was for, but they didn’t need. A celebration, a public execution…

“I can’t see the whole picture, but it will be hosted in the Center.” Many of them exchanged a knowing glance, aware of the connotations associated with that place. The Center was by name a place of leisure and excellence, but it was better known to be a favored place of execution for captured war criminals, a massive courtyard where they three Diamond’s sectors intersected.

Prehnite said nothing, her face blank as the words sank in. Then, she glided towards the control hub and immediately brought the ship to life, turning them around and throwing them forward into the blackness of space.

The group watched her, surprised by the sudden action.

When the fusion realized the others were staring at her, she turned her head slightly and spoke in an even tone. “What? If that’s the message, then we have a timeline, and it’s short. We have to go, and we have to go _now_.”

They were all were troubled, certainly, but they were also pleasantly inspired by Prehnite’s matter-of-fact attitude. To her, defeat wasn’t even an option. Sure, their odds had been poor this entire time, but they had made it this far, hadn’t they? And _now,_ they had a fully-fledged war ship to their advantage, it’s not like they were just going to wipe their hands together and go back to Earth. With this grade vehicle, they could get to Homeworld in only a few more hours, and they still had until tomorrow morning to jump the track of fate. It was now or never.

Sitting down around the piloting area, the others discussed strategy while Prehnite challenged time to a betting match. Connie’s eyes had lost their desire to sleep, blinking attentively as she thought hard. “If we get there without any problems, how long will we have to find him? Until the, uh…” she mercifully didn’t have to finish the thought, Garnet cutting her off.

“From the time we arrive, at this rate, we should have five hours to find him before he will be moved to the Center. That’s the problem, though – I can’t see where they’re keeping him. The last I saw was him entering White Diamond’s military district, but that was days ago. He could be… anywhere.” The last word rang with finality.

Unfortunately, for all of Connie’s spirit, this was as far as she could be useful – she knew Earth, and she knew her blade, but Homeworld was a mystery.

Pearl must have been on the same page then, tilting her head as she looked at the girl’s sagging shoulders.

“Connie, I think you should rest. I’ll need you to be at your best when we arrive, and exhaustion will only slow you down.” The girl was frowning, but she didn’t argue – as a swordfighter, she really did need focus, energy and endurance, and she felt like she had none of those things right now.

Using Greg’s shirt as a blanket and Steven’s as a pillow, she reluctantly tried to sleep, moving to one corner of the room. The others had suggested somewhere that was more private for her, but they didn’t press the issue when she declined. After being thrown out into space, she wasn’t exactly excited at the prospect of being alone if she could help it.

Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl focused on preparations while she rested – Pearl retrieving her sharpest, most precise sword from her gem, along with Rose’s sword for Connie, and a hand-drawn map of the layout of Homeworld from her memory. She and Peridot had worked together to make more contemporary additions, so she felt confident that this was as accurate as possible.

Amethyst leaned over the lines on the paper, studying the unfamiliar patterns and shapes as she tried her best to memorize it. This was going to be it – her first time on Homeworld.

“Our best bet with the information available is rather to head for the Military District, or the Communications Hub. We know he was here for some amount of time,” Pearl pointed at White’s Military District, not fond of the memory of that place. “And, we know Yellow Diamond’s Pearl sent the announcement from here.” Her finger traced from the central southern part of the map to a large tower in the north-west. 

“But, something about that irks me… With a message of this caliber, I would have expected the announcement from one of the Diamond’s themselves, not a message to be delivered by a Pearl.” She turned to Garnet, thinking.

“And you said Yellow Diamond isn’t in the frame of the message?” Garnet shook her head in response, working through the same series of questions as Pearl.

“But… why? That’s certainly not what I would expect, unless all of the Diamond were particularly busy with a joint task. They could be preparing for… _tomorrow_ ,” she shuddered at that.

Amethyst was just confused, not fully grasping the social agenda of Homeworld. “Well, maybe the others just didn’t feel like going all the way up there for just a message? Like, the only thing even nearby is this section, and talk about _boring_.” She pointed at the Research  & Development district, just south of the Communications Hub.

Pearl just bit her lip in response, dissatisfied with that justification. It just didn't seem like something Homeworld would do.

“Garnet? Do you… have any ideas?” Pearl didn’t sound hopeful, but she disliked not having a plan.

Garnet, for her part, had plenty of ideas, but none of them were especially useful right now. “No – I mean, I can’t see. But from what I know about Homeworld, I just have a feeling they will have kept him in Military District. That’s where they keep prisoners, and I don’t think they would see him as much else.”

The Gems went on like this for several more hours while Connie rested, the girl relieved that she was able to drift into a dreamless sleep. The thought of a “public execution,” given the context, could very well have sent her into nightmares, but she was too exhausted to dream.

She was awoken gently by Pearl, shaking her by the shoulder.

“Connie? It’s time.” The girl blinked into awareness slowly at first, but she flew up from sitting when she realized the implications of Pearl’s words. Face set into a mask of determination, Connie nodded at her teacher who had extended her hands, offering her Rose’s sword.

“We’ll be entering Homeworld’s atmosphere in ten minutes.”

 

* * *

 

Steven had been floating in Yellow Diamond’s bubble for several hours, listening to her Pearl read and re-read his death sentence until he had memorized it by heart. He imagined doing this might be considered a really morbid thing to do, but it gave him something to focus on that wasn’t either of his arms – one scarred and the other bloodied – or wasn’t Yellow Diamonds threatening final words to him, or Pearl’s face when he left her in the dream, or Holly Blue Agate’s arm draped across his shoulder. He could deal with the wispy intonations of her voice talking about him dying; that was far better than _feeling_ like you were dying – he frowned, remembering the cold kiss of the white Sapphire against his temple, the secondary trials. Yes – listening to Pearl on repeat was a far, far better fate.

His discomfort was made worse by the painful pounding behind his eyes and the hunger in his stomach – he hadn’t been given food today, and he had his blood drawn two days in a row, only to lose a fair amount on the way. The room wasn’t particularly cold – at least, no colder than the rest of the places he’s been – but he was shivering, his physical body craving food, water, and sleep.

Given the stillness in the room and the almost comforting loop of the recording voice, it wasn’t a surprise that Steven audibly yelped when the blue door flew open. It wasn’t Yellow Diamond, or even White Diamond – it was…

“Blue Diamond?” He had to rub his eyes to make sure he hadn’t gone under the black waters of memory again.

She walked into the room, tall and magnificent and, by the look on her face, exasperated. “Yes, Steven. I’m afraid you’ve heard the news,” she gestured a large hand towards the playback on the screen.

He almost laughed when he felt relieved by her voice – the day he had awoken at her feet felt like so long ago, and he had been so afraid. After having met Yellow and White Diamond, though, she seemed almost like a friend, a welcome substitute for the others.

“Y-Yes, I was surprised…”

_Do I call her My Diamond? What do other people call other people’s Diamonds? Will White Diamond make me shatter again if I was rude to her? Did this count as disobedience? Wait – calm down, you’ll be dead soon. It doesn’t really matter._

With a slow breath, Steven spoke as she came closer, lowering a hand to raise his bubble to a more comfortable height.

“What do I – or, um, is there a procedure for this? I know you said this wouldn’t be for a while, so I hadn’t thought about it…”

Blue couldn’t help but smile at that – he was already so resigned to his fate. White had done better than she could have anticipated. Now, if she proceeded carefully, she could get what she wanted…

“Yes, well, you know, we needed closure, and it seems White has finished her use of you. Some experiments, some tests, if I recall correctly? Yellow was a bit anxious to get a move on. A pity – I would have enjoyed the chance to understand you better. There will be a ceremony – gems from all across Homeworld, and even some from the colonies will come to watch at the Center.”

She had moved to sit on the uncomfortable looking blue couch, cupping Steven like a tiny prize in her hands. He didn’t really know what to say to that; he was puzzled, of course, but he was also oddly disappointed. It wasn’t like he asked for any of this to happen, the long and painful road it’s taken him to get here, but the idea that he had been special, or important… it at least made it all feel a little more justified. Now it just felt pointless. If it still meant his one life in exchange for not only his family but for all life on Earth? Even if he wasn’t special, he was glad he could this for them.

Blue Diamond must have picked up on his feelings, his mixture of disappointment and relief and pain, because her next words were totally disarming. “I’m sorry, Steven.”

His eyes went wide – he _never_ expected this. Blue Diamond was… being nice to him? Apologizing, even?

“I – b-but, why? You don’t have to, we had a deal.” He didn’t want her to feel bad for him – he had gotten himself into all of this, after all.

She lifted him closer to her face; she was so beautiful, yet so sad. “That’s just it, Steven. I did what I could, and you did what you could. I even had my Danburite that tended to you try to intervene, to stop it. I’m afraid they wouldn’t listen.” Now Steven was confused – why did Dani try to tell the Diamonds to stay his execution? She may have been nicer than he gave her credit for, but asking for something of this caliber directly to the Diamonds? That was practically a death wish.

Blue Diamond had to suppress the urge to laugh. _Yes, exactly, that confusion. Perfect._

“Er, I hope Dani- Danburite isn’t punished. She was really great. I just, I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I told you I was okay with this – I expected the... punishment.”

Now it was her turn to act confused – though in her case, it truly was acting. “Oh… wait, Steven – did she… did Yellow not tell you? I thought…” her voice grew pained as she trailed off, making Steven very nervous. Tell him _what_?

“I – well, maybe I should just show you.” She stood suddenly, his bubble following her sweeping arm as she held him level with her chest. Walking towards the back of the room, Blue Diamond approached one of the walls perpendicular to the screen that still monotonously repeated Yellow Pearl’s message. With the wave of a blue hand, the wall melted to glass, revealing the twinkling world below and beyond. In spite of all he’s seen, Steven still managed to be amazed.

This was his first _real_ view of Homeworld – buildings and walls, dividing spaces, buttressed by monuments and glowing architecture of every shape and size, all of it running high into the stars, like an epic maze that stretched far beyond the horizon. There were spires, towers, steeples and open courtyards, all decorated by complex murals of every color. He must have been relatively high up, because he could see the cityscape expand forward, far enough beyond the walls to see the world for what it was – a portrait of the magnificence, the supremacy, and the complexity of Homeworld.

There was a blaringly obvious flaw, however, much like the red blots that had stained his white shirt. Green and threatening, Steven saw a sight all too familiar to him – a giant, glowing hand was pointing straight down into the sprawling landscape before him. It was like a green star had flown too close to the world, approaching with malicious intent. He had seen the exact image on the beach outside of his home, and now he saw it from a regal balcony of Homeworld.

Steven craned his neck to look at the blue woman who held him aloft, and she was looking at him sadly, her eyes full of regret. “It’s, I’m sorry, Steven. It’s the Crystal Gems. They did not stay away, and now…”

 _“No!_ I can’t, no – but, they can’t, I told them – Pearl, why – _is there anything I can do?_ Let me talk to them, please, I’ll make them leave, I can –  ” All of the resolve, all of the will that had drawn him through these miserable few weeks all came from the safety of his friends, his family. Steven meant what he said to Pearl – he wasn’t worth it. Even if his life had value, it was a waste to throw away their lives for just his. Now, they would…

Blue Diamond had shut her eyes at his pleading, her face screwed together in remorse. Well, it appeared as remorse, but it was pleasure. Deep, seething revenge – finally recompensed. 

“I tried to tell Yellow and White to stand down. They would not listen. I…” she turned her eyes upwards towards the Hand Ship as it grew closer and closer, and Steven followed her gaze. They stood there, observing at the marvel of gem technology quietly. Steven was trying to think of something, anything – a way to get a message to them, or to convince Blue Diamond to let him do something, but there was nothing he could do.

Gazing upwards, the shooting star had combusted, burnt out, died. With a sudden flash, the ship itself began to came undone like it had once done in the sky above Beach City. This time, Steven watched from the below, mouth covered by his shaking hands, warm tears streaming down his face. The salty water joined the blood at the bottom of his bubble as he watched the Hand Ship come down.

 

* * *

 

With Prehnite at the controls, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and Connie stood together, an act of solidarity as they approached. This was it – they had arrived. Homeworld.

Without stealth capabilities – these sort of ships intended specifically for combat and travel, not covert operations – the group settled on returning to the usual dock for ships, intending to act as a military unit returned from a mission. They would arrive just outside the Military District, which they agreed was the safest place to start their search.

Steering steadily, responding to inquiry calls with appropriate return messages, Prehnite had all but snuck them into the doors of Homeworld, when a shuddering started to erupt from within the ship, causing the others to look around fearfully.

“Pree, what is it? What’s happening?” It was Pearl, she had run forward at the fusion to offer assistance if possible – she was the nearest to a technician the team had. However, before she could answer, there was a sudden emission of energy deep from within the ship, flaring below their feet in a series of tiny explosions. Garnet managed to catch Connie and Amethyst from being thrust forward, but Pearl had lost her footing and staggered towards the panel, slamming into Prehnite from behind. The blue fusion didn’t even notice, consumed with the flashing diagnostic reports on the screen in front of her.

_A remote disruption signal, internal radiation combustion, disabled emergency coolant system…? But why? There was no damage, no projectiles…_

Then, realization hit, her voice weak. “ _No…_ but this means, they…” 

They weren’t taking damage, and the ship wasn’t under attack. The engine system had been accessed by an external operator, terminating all circuits that kept them in the air, superheating the energy core. This wasn’t an attack… this was a trap.

With a thunderous boom, the engine of the ship exploded. Fire, sparks, debris and metal, shouts and screams rang through the pilot bay. The floor below had splintered upon impact, jutting up dangerously and creating a series of hills and caverns that threatened to become their sharpened graves.

“ _Hold on!_ ” It was Garnet, scooping the human and purple gem into her arms as she advanced towards the others. There was a horrible fissure, however, and the floor started to come apart entirely, air rushing into the room as they were exposed to the outside. It was like an iceberg split down the center, separating its pieces-parts, drifting apart into their own little pockets of hell.

Garnet’s warning fell on deaf ears, however – there was nothing to hold on to. A particularly violent jolt slammed Prehnite into the panel that she had been using to steer, and the sudden impact forced her halves apart. Lapis was slammed backwards into Pearl, the two gems twisting and skidding backwards over a mass of metal that separated them from the others. Garnet, Connie, and Amethyst were huddled near the largest crater, the fusion holding them with one hand and grasping a disfigured piece of metal with the other. She had just enough arms to keep them from falling, but not to protect them from the debris that crashed down from above.

Lapis shook her head at the sudden flux, calling desperately through the sound towards the front of the ship, but once her eyes focused, the world came to a stop. The fires burned, the sparks shot, but there was no sound, no life, no movement for just a fraction of a second when Lapis saw her. Peridot, usually full of enthusiam and kindness, had been impaled through her back by a fallen beam, a javelin pinning her to the ground.

“ _Peridot!”_ The green gem raised her head, visor completely lost in the chaos, and she struggled to link cause and effect in the screeching world around her. She saw Amethyst, Connie and Garnet looking terrified, something she couldn’t identify flying dangerously close to the human girl. Then there was Lapis and Pearl, a tangled mess on the floor that she could just barely see given that she was stuck. _Wait, stuck?_

She reached a hand down around her pelvis and winced as she realized what had happened. In a way, she was amazed that she hadn’t poofed – but then, a memory. It was Steven, concerned but smiling as he offered her a hand.

_You don’t poof easily, huh?_

_Us Peridots are tougher than we look!_

Time and tears caught up with her. They had fallen into a trap, triggered when they entered Homeworld’s atmosphere, she had lost Lapis in the madness, the others looked like they might share her fate any moment…

She was pretty sure someone was yelling her name, or maybe multiple people, but she wasn’t listening. The green gem directed all of her focus on a metal screen that hadn’t been demolished in the chaos. Raising a shaky hand with her face screwed up in concentration, Peridot managed to drag it closer with her metal powers.

_Yes… Almost there…_

They were very close now, the gap between ship and ground shrinking fast, but the green gem knew what she had to do. It wasn’t that hard, really, because she had done it once before.

Fingers flying across the screen, Peridot sighed a breath of relief as she watched her work unfold. The large chunk of metal that just barely held Garnet, Amethyst and Connie opened up from their side, a frightening image at first, but the metal swallowed them seamlessly. Peridot didn’t watch as they were sucked into the ship, turning her head to Lapis who was yelling at her, Pearl clutching the blue gem by the arm to keep her from throwing herself through flames to reach her.

Peridot was able to give her a small smile as the floor came up to meet the two slender gems in the corner of her vision, horrified as they were dragged downwards through the metal.

From the outside, the mangled ship created an ironic peace sign, only a few miles from the ground, and shot the escape pods outwards. At least, thought Peridot, they were safe.

With another unnerving crunch, a warped piece of the ship jutted through the floor, piercing her from below this time. That had been enough – _poof_.

And then the ship burst, a million pieces flying over Homeworld, two escape pods blazing across the horizon in opposite directions, and a fragile green gemstone shot outwards from the blast, all of them at the mercy of sky above and the ground below.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for your continuing support! Can't believe we're over 125,000 words - wow. I wouldn't have the gall to write like this without all of you, so I appreciate your kind comments, kudos, and humble reads as things continue to unravel. Coming up in the next few chapters, we'll see where the escape pods land, meet an unexpected ally, confront old enemies, and Steven will watch someone die.


	26. Comfort of the In Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems try to bridge a gap between the living and the dead, with a countdown.

There was never a time in which the Crystal Gems felt so lost – literally. Disoriented, smashing into random structures, spinning sickeningly, Amethyst, Garnet and Connie were squeezed tightly in the small pod as they were flung away from the Hand Ship. They tried to turn to watch for the ruined vessel, to look for the others, but their pod was moving too fast, and soon, they were skimming against buildings and hurdling closer to the ground.

“Connie, keep your head low!” Garnet was commanding, serious – so the girl did as she was told. She covered her ears as they continued to be knocked into buildings and towers and, eventually, the ground.

Thankfully, these were designed for crash landings, so there wasn’t any significant damage to the gems or the human save a few bumps and bruises. The world outside was obscured by dust and smoke that swirled from the crash and there was an urgent yelling around them, indicating that it was likely that they hadn’t landed in friendly company.

Focusing on the future, one hand on her temple, Garnet gave them both a relieved smile. “Lapis and Pearl… they made it off. Peridot will be okay, I think, but I can’t be certain what happened.” Amethyst and Connie had been hugging each other protectively, shaken but grateful for Garnet’s vision.

“But right now, we’ve got Homeworld gems coming in fast – we made quite a scene. We managed to land in the docking bay for Homeworld ships, which should mean…”

Amethyst chimed in, whooping. “Y _uuuus!_ Way to go Peri! We’re right outside the Military District.” The purple gem was proud she had remembered that – maybe studying Pearl’s map would be more useful than she thought; she made a mental note to thank her high-strung friend later.

Connie was surprised but pleased – they had landed pretty near to where they needed to start their search, even if it wasn’t as covertly as intended. She took a calming breath as the adrenaline melted off, nodding her head to show Garnet she was ready.

The fusion looked at them both impassively, an unspoken fierceness exchanged between them as they prepared to face the voices outside. It was time – Connie was ready to do this for him, Amethyst was ready to bring him back, and Garnet was ready to make things right.

Quietly, the fusion placed a hand on the metal that separated them from the outside as the dust almost fully settled – the voices were very near now, some shouts and words now close enough to understand.

“There will be a small group from behind, but they will be concentrated to our front. Amethyst, cover our backs, we’ll start ahead.” She nodded her head towards Connie, thankful Pearl had thought to give her Rose’s sword when she did. Gripping the handle tightly, she placed her other hand on the scabbard, ready to discard it the moment the pod opened.

Amethyst summoned her whip and gave them her an inflamed smile, excited and wild, the face of a fighter, about to do what she does best. “Let’s do it.”

“ _Now._ ”

In a rush of motion, Garnet pushed out the glass with such force that it went flying forward, smashing into a Homeworld gem who had almost drawn near enough to investigate. She was shoved backwards, into another shorter gem, and the two went sprawling from the force. Garnet and Connie leapt towards the gathering of Homeworld gems, gauntlets and sword ready, and the sizing up the strength and size of the enemy.

There must have been... forty, maybe more, and gems of every type. Maybe half Quartz soldiers, a swath of Ruby guards, and a handful of higher order militant gems who posed a much greater threat. Garnet recognized most of them – two Onyx, a small group of Jade, maybe five or six, a Chrysoprase, and three yellowish-orange gems that were unknown to her.

She whispered hurriedly to Connie. “Connie, start with the big ones.”

The girl hadn’t time to reply, because a moment later there was a mad cry as the Homeworld’s military might charged straight at them.

Smirking, Garnet raised both her gauntlets and smashed them into the ground, creating a jagged cliff face that sent many of them thrown upwards like a child’s see-saw gone wrong. The Ruby guard had started to form into two massive Rubies, laughing as they started to advance, climbing over the uneven ground with large, stocky legs.

Ready, Connie held her sword tightly as Garnet scooped her up and they sprang into the air. The fusion threw the girl down at one of the Ruby guards, the enormous red fusion ready to swat her like a fly, but Connie was too quick for her. She twisted gently and landed on a beefy wrist, and pushed herself forward with the leverage. With a masterful spin, Connie stabbed straight through the torso of the Ruby, who lurched for a moment from the sudden force, and in a poof one Ruby gemstones clattered to the ground while the rest unfused and launched apart crashing into other gems nearby.

Garnet had moved onto more urgent targets as Connie took down the Rubies. Gauntlets at the ready, she flew forward with impressive speed into a group of Quartz soldiers, weapons drawn against her. She stopped just short of them by sliding against the ground, a surprising parry, tripping many of them as her iron fists smashed into their ankles. One of the Onyx had appeared in front of her, known for their assassin-tier stealth capabilities and tiny pointed needles that dangerously lined their fingers – one touch from her black hand could mean a quick death if you weren’t careful.

Stealth and speed were always a wasted front against future vision, however – Garnet was expecting her. Still on the ground, the fusion reached a hand backwards, so she leaned on her side and shoved upwards like a reverse push-up. Needles coming down to meet her raised gauntlet, Garnet de-materialized her weapon and threw the Onyx off balance. Almost fully vertical and the Onyx staggering forward, Garnet turned slightly and used the momentum of her push to uppercut the staggered gem with her other hand, a punch so forceful that she was immediately surrounded by swirling smoke, a black gemstone rattling at her feet.

Connie had been overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of gems at first, the Ruby fusion separating into six smaller, fierce guards that advanced on her quickly, but she focused, remembering that she had done this before. The Holo-Pearls would often surround her, trying to outnumber her, but if you just use their force against them…

The girl went charging forward towards one of the Ruby guards that held a knife aloft, ready to stab at her, only to leap over the red gem and land behind her. The others had moved inwards at the same angle, trying to corner her, only to smash into each other – one of them even poofed from the impact. While they regained their composure, she turned to see the other Ruby fusion advancing on Garnet who had begun to meet gauntlet to mace from three yellow gems she did not recognize.

_Start with the big ones._

Lunging forward, Connie moved quickly enough to avoid the Ruby’s detection. Holding her sword upside down, Connie leapt on the shoulders of a surprised Quartz soldier, going airborne while swinging her arms impressively above her head, bringing the blade straight down on her target’s head. This tactic proved successful as she landed nimbly on the balls of her feet, ensconced in a haze of red smoke; several of the Rubies poofed while three others clambered to the ground in surprise.

“Connie! Behind you!” It was Garnet who shouted, still busy with the yellow gems that surrounded her, unable to disengage with her own opponents to offer any more than a warning. Turning swiftly, black needles threatened to ravage her throat in a flash of movement.

_Stance wide, body lowered._

Instinctively, the girl shot downwards and backwards, catching herself in a reclined squat with one hand. Connie managed to protect her throat from the sharped blades, but the refined points still managed to graze her the bridge of her nose and one cheek, a narrow miss. There was a hot trickle of blood that streamed down her face, but the cut was not deep, and Connie did not lose her focus. Shifting her weight to the hand supporting her, Connie turned and kicked out Onyx’s ankle, causing her to stumble forward and nearly collapse on top of her, but instead a small black gemstone clinked onto Connie’s midsection and rolled off onto the ground below. Impaled by Rose’s sword, the Onyx vanished, but she had hardly enough time to admire the swift victory.

The other Ruby had fused again, not quite as large but still imposingly bulky, advancing on Garnet, and Connie was prepared to sprint to her aid when a horrible screech rang out from somewhere in the chaos. It was the Chrysoprase – eyes aglow, she released an earsplitting cry that stung Connie’s ears painfully. She couldn’t help but cover her ears at the sound, thinking it would turn her deaf, when she realized the battle had gone completely still. The soldiers stiffened, eyes flashing once in response to the sound, and then renewed their assault with double the intensity.

Garnet had used the moment of pause to clear a path to Connie, helping her up and turning to stand back-to-back as the maddened horde advanced on them, grating her teeth together in frustration. 

The Homeworld gems had practically gone or rabid, heaving with vitality and overflowing with aggression. A charge from all directions, Connie kept her eyes forward, moving backwards closer into Garnet as blades and hammers and axes rained down upon them. It was difficult to parry, being shorter than the gems, and she didn’t have an opportunity to thrust with so many bodies against them. Garnet seemed to have the same difficulty – able to defend against most strikes, but only just.

Sucking in air, Connie felt an axe painfully made contact with one of her shoulders, but the blow only managed to form a painful bruise, her reinforced clothing protecting her from direct impact. Though her shoulder hurt, she could still swing her sword – and she did, directly into the Quartz that had hit her, its form exploding as Connie pierced her stomach with her pink blade.

She managed to get one hit in, but the space was filled immediately by another Quartz, turned to utter savages as they mauled the two of them. “Garnet, there’s too many! What do we do?”

The fusion didn’t respond, however, narrowly avoiding a destabilizer that threatened to separate her. The human was not so lucky, being stabbed in the back but unaffected by the electricity, it left tiny puncture wounds in her clothing, but no blood. With a tiny sigh of relief, she couldn’t help but thank the stars for Peridot.

“ _Hey! I’m still here you know!_ ” It was Amethyst, calling over the crowd of bodies and blades, redirecting the attention of many of the Quartz soldiers. She had a wicked grin on her face as she turned herself into a spinning purple projectile and flew at the mass of bodies like a wrecking ball. Her targets, consequently, went flying into each other from the contact, enough for Connie and Garnet to untangle themselves from the chaos.

“ _Amethyst! To me!”_

It was Garnet, trying to get her attention as more Quartz soldiers filed in from the barracks to join the madness. They would be here for hours fighting at this rate – there really was only one feasible solution. It was risky, and would certainly create an even bigger scene, but they were too greatly outnumbered.

Spinning around, Garnet cupped her hands together, bending almost to Connie’s height.

“Connie, get on, and jump!” The girl did as she was told, flying high above as more gems started to amass around them, covering her eyes at a sudden glow from below. Connie gasped through her squinting lids, Garnet swaying her hips and shoulders and Amethyst flowing closer to her in a wild, almost outlandish style, and then the light turned blinding.

“Ah, I’m _back_ , baby.” Connie had never seen her before, but Steven had told her about this – _Sugilite._

She grabbed one of her arms with another, casually massaging out her shoulder, laughing as bodies flew in all directions away from her feet. Then, she stopped her arm at the top of one its rotations and opened her palm lazily, a tiny human girl falling into it.

“ _Whoa.”_ It was all Connie could manage; she never imagined Sugilite was like _this._

“Connie, why don’t you take five?” Her voice echoed with violence and sarcasm, like every word was a double entendre – part of a joke, but mostly a threat. The girl said nothing, just nodded as the fusion reached a massive arm up and spilled her out onto a beam high above. Connie had to admit she was a little glad to be released. Of course, she was happy to see Sugilite because they really needed the extra muscle right now, but there was a reflexive fear that clutched her heart, feeling it pump swiftly in her chest.

If Connie was intimated by her, that was _nothing_ compared to the absolute terror that suffocated the gems at her feet. Many of them wanted to flee just at the sight of her – a massive, four armed, cross-fusion, an abomination – but the fear struggled against the Chrysoprase’s artificial rage conferred. The purple giant took their hesitation as a moment of weakness, and swept one of her many hands across the ground, smashing a swath of them into nearby ships and sending some flying off the dock entirely.

All of the remaining Rubies fused, still only coming up to Sugilite’s chest, but they managed to throw some punches at her – honestly, that was a mistake. As their fists came forward, Sugilite grabbed the Ruby fusion’s two hands and smashed them between her own, ignoring the light stabs and nicks that poked at her legs. Then, with her other two arms, she grabbed the Ruby by the shoulders and slammed her into the pests at her feet, crushing at least a dozen of the aggregate gems below. She laughed, amused by the destruction, brushing off some arrows that flew at her from the Jades.

“Why didn’t I do this sooner?” It was a wretched question, but the sound sent shivers up Connie’s spin. It made her feel guilty – she knew it was just Garnet and Amethyst, there was something about Sugilite that made her skin crawl. She was… _scary._

An ironic answer to her own question, Sugilite summoned her weapon recklessly and began to smash anything and everything around her. Ships, gems, walls, anything that was whole soon became broken. Connie was high enough that she wasn’t directly in harm’s way, but the support beams rattled and groaned under the strain of the demolition, making her very nervous.

The show of power had become excessive after another few minutes – Sugilite had easily crushed the opposing force, but now she was just ravaging Homeworld for what it was. Connie remembered something Steven told her, about a fight between Sugilite and Pearl… it had been the only way they were able to get her to unfuse. The strength went to her head, according to Pearl.

_How do I get her to stop?_

* * *

 

“Peridot! _No!_ ” Lapis was screaming as she was hurled away from the Hand Ship, watching as whatever links bound the ship together snapped, a green explosion tinting her vision as parts flew in every direction. She began to bang on the terminal, desperate to turn around, to fly to her, find her, catch her…

“She wanted this, Lapis. We… have to find Steven.” Pearl’s voice was gentle, but Lapis was too furious at what happened to appreciate the comfort right now. She whirled around to yell, only to stop short when she realized Pearl had tears in her eyes. The sight broke her – anger melted to sorrow, fury to fear, and desperation to despair. They, she, were so close… just minutes ago, their minds were intermingling in such a wonderful way, and now, she was gone. Prehnite again was gone, sure, but Peridot herself had been hurt and now…

Pearl needed the blue gem to focus, her face having gone dead as she fell victim to her mind. “Lapis! Brace yourself, we’re about to land!” And they were, flying away from the wreckage of the Hand Ship towards a massive tower that reached high into the stars. They were going to stop just short of it, and both of their eyes went wide in recognition: the Communication Hub.

It was striking and lofty, shimmering in blue and white as it pierced the heavens above. Pearl had studied enough of Peridot’s escape pod on Earth to know how to land, so she was able to guide them smoothly downwards and avoid a complete crash, she managed to skid them to a stop without running into anything.

Maybe a mile from the tower, the two gems squinted through the settling dust, expecting to be cornered immediately. They sat there quietly, listening, waiting, and when no one approached after a tense two minutes, they exchanged a nod and opened the hatch to the outside.

Both gems were anxious, but their nerves unwound marginally when they peaked around, finding themselves alone. But the relief did not last long, both of them worried about the others. There was no way to know where they landed, if they were okay, and what happened to Peridot, so Pearl tried to bury them as distractions. Right now, all she knew for certain was that she and Lapis were near the Communication Hub, completely on the wrong side of Homeworld – their destination had been the Military District.

“Quickly, let’s go, someone could be here any minute.” Pearl motioned for Lapis to follow, and the blue gem silently obeyed. They went between some nearby buildings, a thin alleyway, and for a moment they thanked the stars they were both slender – the others would not have fit here.

In a whisper, Lapis spoke. “I… can’t believe it. It… Peridot, she, she realized we had been set-up. The ship wasn’t malfunctioning, I could hear her working through it. We, Pree – it was a trap.”

That made Pearl’s eyes go wide, thinking. They had been set-up? By who? _How?_ They had stolen the ship, maybe it was intended to sabotage the troops who originally occupied it? But, now’s not the time, they had to move… _Steven…_

Pearl exhaled in exasperation and refocused her attention to Lapis. “We can worry about that later. Right now we need to stick to the plan. We should head for the Military District?” She phrased it like a question, hoping to soften Lapis’ glare, but she was going whether or not the blue gem would come with her.

After a pause, the blue gem nodded, her face turning curiously blank.

“Well, we should be able to avoid detection if we act as… well, ‘ourselves.’ It wouldn’t be unheard of for a Lapis Lazuli to have a Pearl, and we could make a straight shot to the Military District. Hopefully the others will try to head that way…” Pearl leaned her head back against a wall closing her eyes in frustration.

_At least Garnet should know her way around, but they could still be anywhere._

“Flying would be faster,” Lapis noted. Pearl rubbed her chin and frowned.

“Yes, but if we’re seen…” She looked up at the stars, thinking about Connie, her student, and Amethyst, her friend, and Garnet, her leader… They had all caused a massive scene – everyone across Homeworld must have seen the ship go down. There would be people out looking for them, tracing the escape pod, and soon.

Lapis sighed. “Well, let’s go then.”

They both modified their wears to better suit modern Homeworld appearances. Pearl made her hair longer, still pulled back from her face but cascading down her back. She donned a simple blue leotard with powdery blue tights and white slippers. Lapis didn’t have to change quite as much, just making her shirt and skirt connect in an elaborate zig-zag that created a blue diamond shape on her stomach, and she removed the playful bow that secured her top around her neck, opting for a more standardized flat neckline.

Thinking back to the map and discussing a strategy, Pearl and Lapis agreed that travelling directly south through Research & Development would be the best route, an hour and a half walk, and then they would be able to find a warp pad somewhere inside. Wandering aimlessly could get them lost, or questioned, or found; trying to make their way to the Military District on foot would take at least a full day to travel. If they could just find a warp pad, they would be inside the Military District in less than two hours, and Pearl knew exactly where White Diamond kept her prisoners. She couldn’t help but grimace at the memory, not excited to go back there.

Lapis led them through a maze of streets with Pearl just behind her, all of the buildings and much of the ground colored unnaturally in blues and whites. The renegade pointed her head towards her feet and clasped her hands together, the mark of a _good_ Pearl. They passed only a handful of gems at first, no one paying them any mind, but they did notice a sudden uptick of gems running in the direction they came from, likely sent after the escape pod. Keeping their eyes forward, Lapis and Pearl tried to remain uninterested in the affairs around them.

The blue gem was thoughtful as they moved further south, more-or-less knowing where they were going from Pearl’s map and her own memory, but a lot has changed. When she last arrived on Homeworld, her grasp of technology was so poor she could barely comprehend what was and wasn’t – everything seemed new and sinister – and before she could even adapt, she was shuttled back to Earth, not even able to enjoy her freedom. Here, everything glowed overtly in colors of the Diamonds, odd sounds and emissions of energy rising from the ground below, each building mysteriously unmarked on the outside. Lapis more or less knew these to be communication buildings, usually operated solely by maintenance class gems, announcements or directives delivered dutifully by Agates and other leaders.

The pair was immensely relieved when they arrived at Research & Development without being stopped by anyone. This place was obviously different – the entrance was a massive silver structure, branching off into sub-sectors like a many legged machine. Each sector focused on different objectives assigned by each Diamond, and then were divided out from there into projects according to clearance levels. At the front stood two Ruby guards, predictably short and attentive.

Taking a tiny, steadying exhale, Lapis did her best to make her face a self-important mask, advancing forward, not even acknowledging the guards. If she was significant enough to have her own Pearl, she shouldn’t be questioned by some low-ranking Homeworld pawns – or so she thought.

As they approached, the Rubies stood a little taller and grew serious.

“And where do you think _you’re_ going? Hmm, traitors?” The two slender gems froze, surprised – how had they known? Pearl and Lapis were staring hard at them, minds racing, but they were confused when the Rubies started to giggle.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But really, I would have thought you’d be on your way to the Center by now. The execution will be in just a couple of hours – don’t you want to see it? Most people are going early.” One Ruby, gem on her cheek, laughed at the other one, obviously tickled with their little joke.

Lapis was wound too tightly for this, so she just glared at them and said nothing. The silence quickly became awkward, so Pearl jumped into her role.

“O-of course we are going! Our lustrous Diamond has requested we check on an experiment before attending. My apologies for interrupting your watch.” Pearl bowed diligently, resisting the urge to spit on their feet.

The guards seemed pleased with her civility, so they smiled at Lapis and opened the doors for them to enter. She just eyed them both suspiciously and went through, Pearl following close behind.

The pair entered a large diamond-shaped lobby, each wall colored according to the Diamond that they belonged – White, Blue, and Yellow, and the silver exit – and then each section was separated into research areas based on each Diamond’s needs. There was, thankfully, no one inside.

Lapis hugged her arms together, thinking about what the Ruby had just said. _The execution…_

“What if we c-can’t find him? I... how could they do this to him?” Pearl was looking at her, harboring those same fears herself. She sighed, unsure how to offer the blue gem peace of mind, but she’s felt this way dozens of time in her life so she could at least be sympathetic.

Peal spoke softly, eyes inspecting each door, not looking at Lapis. “Back during the war… So many times I wanted to give up. I saw so many people die – friends, enemies – so many lives lost… But, I tried to tell myself that, if for every live lost, I at least saved one more, it was worth it. I just…” she exhaled deeply, eyes closed now as she watched people she loved tore down in front of her, back on the battlefield.

“I wanted to quit. I never told anyone this, but I tried to run. Hide, give up. I thought Rose was gone after a particularly bad battle, I couldn’t find her… I panicked, so I ran. I thought maybe I could give up and erase what I had done. Then, the next day, the Battle of the Ziggurat happened, and I wasn’t there. I… lost a lot of people that day, and even after, the war never stopped following me. I always wondered if I had stayed, what would have happened, maybe so many of us wouldn’t have…”

Lapis was watching Pearl glide around the room, not meeting her gaze. She was surprised – the two were not exactly on good terms – and now Pearl was sharing something deeply personal with her.

Pearl shook her head and cleared her throat. “A-Anyways. My point is, we have to try. There’s no way to know if it’ll work, but if we stop now, then it definitely won’t. This way,” Pearl rubbed the back of her hand against her cheek as she led Lapis through a door. It was on the White wall, labeled “Archives & Travel.”

No one stopped them as they went down a series of hallways, which, Pearl figured, made sense. Some of the doors and splits were designed differently than Pearl remembered, but the logic behind the layout was easy enough for her to follow, so she led this time as Lapis followed. All the better, as Lapis had never been here – she gazed around at rooms and peered down hallways as they passed. There wasn’t a soul to be found.

“Is this… because of what’s happening with him? Is _everyone_ really going to be there?” The blue gem bit her lip, nervous at the thought of thousands of gems gathered in one location; that just seemed like it was inviting disaster.

Pearl didn’t stop walking, but she did turn her head slightly towards Lapis as she answered. “No – well, maybe. Long ago, White Diamond would send her subjects to this space on order only, there were never any regular maintenance gems assigned to keep up with records or experiments unless she said so. I can’t imagine she’s changed. She always felt like it was a waste – _wait.”_ She held a hand and stopped walking.

They both strained their ears hard, listening… There was a voice, it was familiar… but, no…

_Peridot?_

Lapis covered her mouth with her hands, but Pearl grabbed one of her wrists and dragged her into a random room.

“ _What are you doing?”_ she wrenched her wrist free, ready to run back to the hallway to follow the voice.

“Shh! That’s not our Peridot. It can’t be – why would she be _here_ , talking so loudly? We have to hide, quick, just, _shh.”_

Without much time, they slipped behind a large white storage container and ducked down. It was a poor place to hide if she came in the room, but they couldn’t be seen from the hallway. Completely still, they sat, listening to the footfalls come closer, bodies tense.

“… my job. What’s even the point, what do I tell White Diamond? Just… stupid, I didn’t ask to be assigned to the hybrid, and now… trials…” the footsteps and voice receded as they sat there, almost relieved but too consumed by the realization dawning on both of their faces.

_She was talking about… Steven? But, how, what? She knows him? What was that about White Diamond? Do we follow her? Continue on? We have the find the others, but…_

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Pearl tried to weigh the options, trapped in the unknown. After a moment of though, she nodded firmly at Lapis, a wordless command as they sleuthed down the hall after her, deathly quiet.

“…those records. What a waste. I could be shattered for this… what a, hey, _he – !”_ Pearl had her sword ready, grabbing Peridot from behind and covering her mouth, holding the blade threateningly against her throat. The trained swordsman dragged her struggling body into a nearby door, empty but for white walls, with Lapis close behind. The blue gem fiddled with the screen for a moment, her heart dropping into her stomach as she thought about Prehnite, but she managed to seal them in and turned towards the two. Pearl’s eyes were full of fury, her face more hostile than Lapis had ever seen.

“ _Where is he?”_

The gem’s eyes went wide as she thrashed, mouth muffled behind Pearl’s tight grip, the blade resting ever so gently against her green skin. So _this_ was the renegade Pearl in action; Lapis suddenly understood why she was so infamous. A Pearl was not only considered useless as a fighter, but totally dependent on their master. At this moment, Pearl could not have been farther from that standard – terrifying, lethal, commanding. She had someone entirely at her mercy, and it was quite a sight to admire.

Pearl leaned in close to Peridot’s ear, her voice sharp as ice. “I will _kill_ you if you try to escape.”

At that, Peridot stopped struggling. She had never wanted to get involved in this mess, and she certainly wasn’t going die for it. Pearl lowered her hand once she stopped resisting, but did not withdraw her blade just yet.

“The hybrid. Where is he?” If Pearl wasn’t intimidating enough, Lapis advanced on this new Peridot with her arms crossed. She _wanted_ to see the fear in her eyes, _wanted_ her to know the pain that Steven must have felt. Subconsciously, her hands had clenched into tight fists as they stood in silence.

“I – I, well, I don’t know _exactly_.” She spoke in a rush, not wanting to die, but she honestly didn’t know.

In a fluid motion, Pearl threw her down onto the ground and held her sword directly in the terrified gem’s face, daring her to move, to say something out of line. Lapis stood next to her, saying nothing, face betraying no emotion.

“Well? Then what _do_ you know?” Lapis narrowed her eyes, voice so severe Peridot flinched.

_Good – she should be afraid._

Peridot conceded, obviously in no position to argue. “I was just following orders. I didn’t want, or, well I didn’t mean to hurt…” She trailed off at Lapis’ expression, practically teeming with venom. Pearl had not quivered, sword still pointing into the green gem’s face, waiting.

She was fumbling her words now, nervous as their stares threatened to stab her like the sword in her face. “I – well, my Diamond, White Diamond. She told me to do experiments – and then, hours ago, Yellow Diamond… she came in and stopped us, and destabilized me without a word. Honestly, when I reformed, they were gone. I don’t… know where they went.”

Pearl raised an eyebrow dangerously. “Experiments?” She did not show it, but the word made her stomach lurch.

“Y-yes. I was just completing my reports, filing them in the archive. I was going to the…” but she stopped, thinking best not to mention the execution right now. Her eyes just shot between the two, who returned her gaze with twice the intensity.

After a few minutes of strained silence, Lapis leaned over to Pearl, not taking her eyes off of Peridot. “I say we kill her.”

Peridot, appropriately, responded indignantly. “Please, don’t! I told you what I know – I was just assigned to this, really…”

Pearl did not reply at first, examining the nervous gem at the end of her blade, thinking.

 _Experiments…? What do they want with him? What did they…_ do _to him?_ She remembered his far-off gaze in the dream, the glowing on his wrist… _Is this a lead, or will we waste more time? Why did Yellow Diamond poof this Peridot, if she really was just doing as ordered? And if it was White Diamond who ordered her to do it in the first place, why did Yellow Diamond get involved? And then there’s the Hand Ship, Lapis said it was t a trap. Something isn’t adding up…_

Eventually, Pearl spoke, her voice slow and deliberate. “No… there’s something about this that doesn’t make sense. Peridot, we will _not_ kill you,” she was interrupted

“Oh, thank the stars!” The green gem started to lean up, but Pearl straightened her sword threateningly, resting the tip against her visor.

“ _If_ you show us what you were researching. I want to see everything. Take us to the archive.”

 

* * *

 

Connie carefully scooted along the beam she had been placed on, nervous as Sugilite continued to laugh and smash things, taunting more gems to come out after her.

_So much for a covert effort._

Cautiously, she managed to make her way all the way across the ceiling to where the floor below opened up into a large, divided area in pretty shades of blue, white, and yellow. She began to crawl down a vertical beam, hands steady as she tried to focus on one foot and one hand at a time, not on the drop below her. The girl had almost reached the ground when she screamed, ducking behind the beam – Sugilite had seen movement and thought it was an enemy, but she was unaffected by almost killing Connie, laughing as she twirled her weapon.

“ _Come on,_ this is supposed to be the Military District. All I see is _district_ and no _military_.” Her voice bounced around the room, now littered with gems and debris from broken ships and walls. The girl couldn’t help but bite her lip as she gazed around, hoping none of the gemstones at Sugilite’s feet had been crushed, but there was nothing she could do about that right now.

When she was only a few feet away from the ground, she managed to jump and land neatly on the yellow section of the shining floor. There were some gemstones here, but mostly wreckage. Examining the wall as she ducked down, in case Sugilite swung at her again, Connie stifled a groan as she realized the white path had been blocked, totally caved in and covered in metal.

“Ugh… there goes our way in.” Mouth pressed together firmly, Connie knew she had to stop them before they destroyed anything else, or killed her by mistake.

 _Do I get their attention and try to talk them down? Should I try to… hit them with something?_ Sugilite roared, throwing the end of her flail high into the air as she mocked the stars above.

_…Better not. What would Steven do? He always knows what to do… C’mon, Connie think! What do you know about Garnet and Amethyst? They both like… not food, not T.V…. Dogcopter? Don’t be stupid Connie… they just like Steven. So maybe they care about what Steven cares about?_

A flash went off in her head as she remembered, thinking back to Stevonnie and the Holo-Pearls. He had felt so terrible about Bismuth, what he had to do to Eyeball Ruby, how he hadn’t able to save Jasper…

“ _Garnet! Amethyst!_ Over here!” She sprinted towards them as fast as she could, wincing when the frightening purple fusion looked around. All around her, there were gemstones of countless shapes and sizes _._ She could tell many of them were cracked, some pretty severely, but none were shattered as far as she could see.

“It’s Sugilite, _girl_.” The massive fusion hunched down on her legs, supporting herself with two of her four massive arms. Connie was breathing hard, anxious as she felt Sugilite’s eyes sizing her up behind the glasses…

Bending down quickly, Connie scooped up a handful of gemstones – there must have been at least six or seven clinking around in her hands – and held them up for her to see.

“Stop it! Think about why we came here – what they made Steven do! This,” she gestured around them by sweeping her head around. “ _This_ isn’t helping. You’ve nearly shattered so many of these, and they’re hurt, badly…”

Sugilite frowned but didn’t move, opening her mouth and closing it again. Connie didn’t want to lose her momentum, so she continued.

“Think about Smoky Quartz, Amethyst! Would they, or Steven, ever want this?” She held the gems higher, pretty and twinkling as they gently bumped into each other.

A sob rising in her throat, Connie started to choke up. “They’ll reform soon if we don’t do something, and some of the cracks might splinter. Garnet… we have to bubble them, protect them. _Please_ …”

An action of annoyance, the fusion used one of her free hands to cover her many eyes under the visor. “Ugh, sometimes you’re just like Pearl.” A moment later, she split in two, Garnet and Amethyst projected out in opposite directions.

The fusion landed gently in a kneeling position while Amethyst rolled unceremoniously into a tangled pile of metal, both coming back from their power trip.

Slowly, Garnet approached Connie with a gentle hand outstretched. “Are you… alright?”

Involuntarily, Connie realized she had started shaking, but all-in-all she was just overcome with relief to see them back to normal.

Garnet knelt down, grazing a finger across the human’s cheek, the blood having dried across her nose and down her chin. “I am sorry we lost control. Sugilite is…” She trailed off, not exactly sure how to describe her.

Amethyst huffed apologetically and approached them. “She’s a _lot_. Bigger, better, but…”

Garnet finished, her mouth set in a grimace. “Badder.”

Connie just gave them a warm smile, her heart rate starting to slow marginally. “I-it’s okay. You guys were… _awesome_. But, um, can we… bubble these?” She was still holding several gems in her cupped palms, clattering together as her hands trembled.

Garnet smiled and took the gems from her, bubbling each one carefully, while Amethyst started on the others. For another fifteen minutes they collected Sugilite’s… undertakings, when Amethyst came up behind Connie and laid a lazy arm across her shoulder.

“I’m sorry we stole the show, ‘cause your moves back there were _sicccccccccck.”_ Behind the compliment, Connie recognized the sincerity of Amethyst’s apology. She just grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.

“Ah, it was nothing. Pearl throws way harder stuff at me all the time,” she replied modestly.

“No way girl, that was awesome. Glad I crash landed with you.” She winked at her and bounded after Garnet, leaving Connie to blush proudly.

After they finished up, Connie bit rubbed her scratched cheek while she thought. “Well… I would say we should get a move on, but…” She turned around, looking at the white door at the end of her vision, totally smashed and covered in debris. Amethyst and Garnet exchanged a look of shame, but no one said anything. Connie didn’t really feel like it was her place to judge, so she waited for someone else to speak.

After a reflective pause, Garnet turned to the two of them. “Well, there’s… not much I can see. But, I am most familiar with Blue Diamond’s part of the district, and I know where it connects with White Diamond’s. Let’s start there, and maybe more things will become clear once we pick a path.” She had pointed a finger towards the blue door, a blank expression on her face. There was something in her voice that made Connie uneasy, but the human and purple gem had no frame of reference for Homeworld, so they let Garnet lead the way. Sure, Amethyst had some details of Pearl’s map in her head and Connie had listened to Pearl’s strategy, but… then, they hadn’t necessarily accounted for this detour.

The trio was on edge as they approached the blue hallway, weapons raised for whatever might be behind the door. Garnet carefully activated the door, all of them tensing, but it was empty. Garnet lowered her fists slightly and started forward, so Amethyst shrugged and followed as they moved inwards. None of them spoke, but they were all suspicious, knowing that soldiers had been flooding the dock area only moments ago, and now the place had become completely empty. It was like they had all disappeared, and it cast an ominous feeling as they continued down a series of blue hallways.

After maybe ten minutes of walking, not passing a single other gem, Garnet paused before entering another door. This just felt… wrong.

“Connie, how much time has passed?” The girl, always resourceful, wore an analog watch – time didn’t stop, even in space (though it might be recorded differently).

She frowned and studied the device on her wrist. “It’s been almost two hours – wow, that was longer than I thought.” Her voice was surprised, and not in a good way. Garnet and Amethyst shared a nervous look, expressing unspoken words of worry – they almost had lost half their time and they hadn’t even made it to White Diamond’s base yet.

Placing a frustrated hand against her chin, Garnet made her reservations known. “They must have started gathering at the Center. This would be a huge event, even by Homeworld’s standards. It’s got to be why everyone is gone.” The last word rang down the hallway, echoing knowingly as Connie’s watch continued to tick.

_Gone, gone, gone…_

“We need to pick up the pace. Connie, let me carry you.” The suggestion made the girl feel a little awkward, but this was not the time to concern herself with those sorts of things. Garnet crouched down, and Connie was able to straddle the fusion’s shoulders, leaning down so her head wouldn’t hit the ceiling when Garnet returned to full height.

“And both of you, keep your ears open. I still can’t see anything clearly; I don’t know what might happen.” Amethyst nodded, and Connie tightened her grip around Garnet in a show of silent agreement. With Garnet and Amethyst’s speed, all of their weapons tucked away, the group advanced further and further through the blue maze.

_Just hold on Steven, we’re almost there…_

 

* * *

 

Peridot led them deeper into Research & Development, retracing her steps to her most recent archives. Pearl’s sword remained at the ready and Lapis kept her eyes forward. It was a risk to pursue this, knowing Steven wasn’t actually going to be at the end of these halls and without much time, but then, they didn’t even really know where they would find him. Lapis rubbed the back of her neck, a demonstration of her worn nerves, wondering what exactly they had been researching – did she want to know? Homeworld could be… but, no, he was still alive. Trying to bury her concerns, she focused on Peridot’s heavy footfalls from the limb enhancers, studying the green gem.

 _It’s hard to believe our Peridot used to be so much like this one. Now, she’s sincere, forgiving, kind, brave… Where did you go, Peridot? Please, be okay… I’ll come find you when all of this is over._ A tiny smile flickered at her lips, cracking her façade of calm when she remembered that Steven had once said similar words to her. That was the _first_ time she went down in a Hand Ship.

_They hurt my friends, they hurt my face! They’ve got you here in prison! …I’ll come back for you._

As for Pearl, she was stuck in special sort of purgatory – stuck between knowing and the unknown, a clear objective and a weak lead, a free gem and an obedient servant. She tried to stay focused on each twist and turn as they advanced deeper into the facility, but it was hard. Her brain was challenging her to liar’s dice, daring her to risk too much, to push too far, to tempt fate, to lose. But she couldn’t lose this time, she had to find him… It didn’t matter if she was Pearl, or Opal, or Rainbow Quartz or Sardonyx or even Alexandrite. All of the love and fusion in the universe was useless against the force of Homeworld – it was _strategy_ she needed. Here, knowledge is power, and she was tired of being in the dark, tired of the cold comfort of the in-between, even if whatever she uncovered would break her heart.

After another fifteen minutes of silent walking, Peridot came to a stop, and the others followed suit. “We’re… here.”

A panel next to the door read _Restricted Access_ , indicating they had reached some of the most confidential records in, well, the entire universe. Pearl couldn’t help but wonder if there might be things on _her_ in here, the renegade she was.

Wordlessly, Pearl motioned for Peridot to open the door, straightening her sword and pointing towards the panel and back again.

Peridot was muttering some sort of snarky reply, they were both assumed, so it came as a genuine surprise when she had a tear rolling down her face.

“W-why are you crying?” It was Lapis, still perturbed at the image of Peridot crying, it was just too similar to her Peridot.

“Just, don’t. I don’t… want your pity. I shouldn’t have brought you here. I’ll be shattered for this, and you would have shattered me anyways. It…” she trailed off, angrily wiping away the wet streak on her cheek as she finished opening the door.

The room was almost entirely empty with a just single control pad surrounded by glowing white walls. It was relatively small by Homeworld’s standards, maybe the size of the Temple occupied by Steven. They had already fallen for a Homeworld trap once, so Lapis motioned for Peridot to enter first, not wanting to be locked in by a foolish mishap.

“Fine,” the green gem’s voice had a familiar trace of annoyance in it, causing Pearl and Lapis to exchange a quick look, wondering after their Peridot… but, they muted the distraction and moved forward into the room.

“Watch her,” Pearl commanded Lapis, and the blue gem was just fine with that. Without a sword to her back, the Homeworld Peridot was noticeably more relaxed, but still frustrated by the whole situation. Lapis just scrutinized her, wondering if all Peridots said _clods_.

Pearl brought the small panel to life; between her old experience and watching Peridot’s demonstrations, she felt confident she could find the information they were looking for. A large screen materialized in the room, allowing her to sort through the archives.

Shooting their prisoner a glance, Pearl used her best officious voice. “How was the research coded?”

After a tiny grumble, Peridot crossed her arms. “WX0001.”

Pearl sorted through the files until she found it, encrypted to prevent outside access.

“Can you override the encryption?”

“Can Sapphire’s see the future? _Move_ ,” Peridot rolled her eyes at Pearl, annoyed but submissive. She worked her phantom digits at the base of the panel for a minute and the screen beeped twice as the files opened.

There were twenty-five files, all labeled with codes and patterns that neither Pearl nor Lapis could make heads-or-tails of, so they turned towards Peridot, mouths drawn tight in disapproval.

“Well, we don’t have time to listen to them all, I’m sure. Can you just… give us a summary?” Pearl was feeling a little less confident in her plan now, not accounting for how many files and logs they might have to pour through, anxious about how much time they had lost already…

“Ugh, yes, very well. I don’t know what level of detail you would want, you could just watch the first file from both trials, or my final report analysis, or I could just tell you.” She was eyeing the sword in Pearl’s hand warily.

Lapis and Pearl glanced between each other, Peridot, and the screen. Lapis placed a hand on Peridot’s shoulder and tried to soften the steel in her voice. “Why don't you tell us what you know first, and we’ll follow with logs if we have questions?”

The green gem did not look pleased, but she did not challenge the request either. She just sat on the floor as an offer of peace – or, at least, a silent suggestion for Pearl to lower her sword. They complied slowly, sitting in front of Peridot, Pearl resting her sword at her side, just a twitch away if she needed it.

“Okay. Well… My Diamond approached me eight days ago with a project. She said to prepare some specific materials but, otherwise, to await further instructions. I was told to gather human anatomical equipment, along with a number of inactive gems and a Color Changing Sapphire.”

Lapis and Pearl’s eyes went wide at that, only knowing of two Color Changing Sapphires in existence – both belonged to White Diamond, and their powers were notoriously volatile and dangerous. Visions of feelings rather than of time; a strange, fleeting power that consumed the heart rather than the mind…

The two earthly gems tried to make their faces stone, and Lapis urged Peridot to continue.

“Well, three days ago I was told to perform experiments on the hybrid… To analyze his physiology in response to different types of stress-tests. I was specifically measuring the relationship between EGF – that’s, epidermal growth factor – production and testosterone, measured in his salivary glands incrementally and final records measured by concentration in human plasma. There was a secondary investigation into reactionary lachrymation – distinctively different than psychic lachrymation, mind you – and followed those trials again by measuring his human plasma. There was originally supposed to be more, different tests that I was going to administer, but Yellow Diamond put a swift end to that.” She sounded haughty by the end, which almost amused Lapis – Peridots definitely take pride in their work. Pearl, on the other hand, had her brow furrowed in concentration – she was familiar with some of those terms, learning the basics of human biology when Steven was an infant, but this was much more complex medical terminology than she was used to.

“So… White Diamond gave you the orders, Yellow Diamond stopped you after only two tests, and now Steven is set to be…” She didn’t finish the thought aloud, thinking hard.

_Why? The tears, his saliva – it must be related to healing. But that doesn’t… make… sense…?_

Pearl sprang up to standing suddenly, pupils dilated with fear. It _does_ make sense – it makes _perfect_ sense. Peridot and Lapis were watching her as she paced, mind racing.

 _White Diamond, obsessed with power, then, Steven, why keep him alive? How had I not seen it earlier? She’s using him… epidermal growth factor, his tears could never heal, his biology messed it all up. He can do something that the Rose Quartz’s must not be able to do. What? He reanimates plants, whereas Rose could only make them do her bidding._ She remembered the events with Malachite, her vision lingering on Lapis for a moment. Still, there’s something missing…

 _Neither of them can fix corruption, or shattered gems… Why bother with all of this, so many tests, so much information… taking his blood, his plasma?_ She shivered at that, thinking about her baby, how thin he had been in the dream, how scared…

_Something is still missing, something doesn’t fit –_

“ _Pearl!”_ Lapis whispered, standing in front of her, eyes filled with fear. She had one hand over her lips to signal her not to speak, her body went stiff in realization. There were footsteps, loud, coming closer – why, who?

Peridot was still on the ground, eyes wide as the panel began to glow on the inside, responding to the touch pad on the outside. Pearl only had time to grab her sword and stand at the ready, Lapis standing between Peridot defensively, just behind the white gem, facing the door.

It slid open with ease, the white interior and exterior meeting seamlessly around the curvature of the frame, and a gem walked forward.

“H-H- Heliodor…” Peridot sounded terrified, and Pearl looked surprised, not having seen a gem of this type in thousands of years. Lapis was just nervous, unsure what to do, waiting for someone to break the stillness.

The tall orange gem frowned, her arms clasped behind her back in disinterest. Her voice was a threat, every word warped with venom. “I thought I might find _you_ here…”

 

* * *

 

Resting softly in Blue Diamond’s palm, Steven was thinking about the act of crying. He wasn’t crying, not right now, just thinking about it – he had already shed so many tears these past two weeks, probably more than he had in his entire life, and now he didn’t want them. This was a special sort of heartbreak – it didn’t make him way to cry, it made him feel like he was already dead.

The Crystal Gems had come to rescue him, an action that filled his heart with love, but made it all the more painful when he watched the ship come down. Two escape pods had launched away from where he and Blue Diamond stood, unsure who or what was contained in them, but it didn’t make him feel better that some of them may have made it off the ship. Now they were here, on Homeworld, trying to save someone who had already died.

Why bother to rescue someone who is dead? It’s like throwing logs on a burnt out fire, like decorating a sand castle that’s already been washed away, like trying to water a withered rose – it can’t bring back what’s already been destroyed. Sure, the embers remained, the sand didn’t disappear, and the flower hadn’t been ripped up, but there wasn’t anything to salvage. Why couldn’t they see that?

Before, Steven had managed to convince himself that he was ready to die, that it would be worth it to save the people he cared about – now, he felt the same fear and desperation he had when he accepted Blue Diamond’s deal all over again, but this was ten times worse. It was a little less than a suicide, but before, he had said goodbye to his own life, moved on, mourned his losses and forgiven himself for being too weak to stop what had happened. He was a mistake, and he could live with that, but now the people he loved most in the universe were going to be killed because of him.

Everything felt like nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. He was nothing, and they were everything, and now they would die. He might as well have killed them himself, like he had killed the Jasper, Amethyst, and Rose Quartz.

Blue Diamond could sense his twisted heart, his tortured mind; he was broken. He would do anything to save them, no matter how foolish, no matter how corrupt or evil or malign, he would do anything, and she could tell.

After the explosion, Blue Diamond released him from the bubble and let him rest in her palm. She the blood on her hands vanished with a simple flick of her other hand, so the only thing remaining in her grasp was this little incarceration of despair. He had said nothing to her since, too consumed in his own grief to do anything, so she sat and waited. Her face was a mask of comfort, disappointment, and sadness – everything he needed her to be, and nothing that she really was.

And Steven was grateful for her presence. Even if she was one of the Diamonds, she had been the only one who had given him a chance. She stopped Yellow Diamond from shattering him the first time, she was the one who agreed to leave the Earth and his friends unharmed, and she was the one who tried to intervene once she realized the Gems were coming. It really wasn’t her fault if Yellow and White Diamond had agreed to his execution, and he didn’t really care about that. She was two-to-one in their circle, and he at least appreciated that she had tried to help.

“Oh.” Steven squeaked out a tiny sound, remembering something.

“Did I… or, well, I’m sorry. What did you have Danburite do? To try to stop the Gems, I mean. Will she… be okay?” Though he already had blood on his hands, Steven at least hoped that he could maybe prevent one more death.

Blue Diamond looked down at him, eyes narrowed in concentration. “I… imagine she will be fine. The other Diamonds will never know what she did. They, your friends, planned to reach Homeworld by stowing away on a cargo ship from the Human Zoo, hoping to go undetected. Yellow was two steps ahead, I’m afraid, and tried to cut them off. Danburite… I warned her that the troops were coming, so I had her try to lock them in a ship that would send them straight back to Earth. I’m not sure how, but they turned things around, as you know.” She nodded her head towards the solid blue wall that had been glass minutes ago.

Steven looked down at his hands, eyes lingering on the discoloration in his veins on his left arm. He sighed, closed his eyes and whispered. “T-thank you. You didn’t have to try to help them, and even though… well, thank you.” He grabbed his knees and buried his head in them, feeling the tears streak down his face. He was so ashamed – he couldn’t even _die_ right.

“It’s alright, Steven. I lost someone I deeply cared about, too. I understand how much it must hurt.” She raised a hand of her own to cover her face, a gesture of shame. “I just wanted this to be done with. After losing Pink, I’ve had enough death, enough lives lost for no reason.” Her own voice choked up at the mention of her own loss, and Steven felt a fresh wave of guilt as he remembered it was his mother who had taken Pink Diamond from her.

Another hour or passed, the two sitting in a preoccupied silence. He wanted so badly to make things right, to help the Gems escape, to make some other kind of deal, but he had nothing left to offer. He was going to die in a few hours, and that would be it. If any of them survived the crash, their ship was destroyed, so it’s not like they could turn back now. They would stay here until they were caught and eventually killed, too. Yellow Diamond probably, or maybe White Diamond, would make sure of that.

Blue Diamond interrupted his thoughts when she delicately lifted him up closer to her face. “I’m afraid I have to go, Steven. I won’t see you again until, well, tomorrow. But I’m glad we had this time together. Pink would have liked you.” She gently laid a giant finger against his hair, rubbing it softly. It was nice, a comforting goodbye.

“If she was anything like you, I bet I would have liked her too.” He managed a sad smile and she set him down on the massive blue couch, turning to leave. Blue Diamond returned the smile, although it was for a very different reason, and she left the room.

It was quiet again and he was alone, so he laid down and traced the outline of his gemstone absently, thinking.

 _Maybe Peridot will find herself a new pair of limb enhancers while she’s here, that would be nice. And it sounded like Dani will be okay. I guess I get it now…_ Steven found himself thinking of Garnet’s story, the day she first formed in front of Blue Diamond. Shattering seemed like a severe consequence for accidental fusion (a thought he typically tried to avoid at all costs anymore), but now he thought he understood. It seemed like she, Blue Diamond, was just trying to keep order. How could he blame her for that? _Sapphire and Ruby didn’t mean to fuse, and that’s how Mom and Pearl escaped. She was probably just mad that the war had to continue, that more people had to die. I would have been mad too… so close to putting it all behind you, only for everything to change._

He let out a low exhale and tried to ignore the ache of his head and his stomach. Steven studied the ceiling as he thought hard, mulling over the possibilities. There was nothing else he could offer to the Diamonds; they already had his life. They had taken everything – his friends, his freedom, even his blood, sweat and tears. Was there anything, _anything_ at all he could offer them?

He thought and thought for what felt like hours, coming up empty, all three of their voices swirling in his mind.

 _You’re a paradox… Tell me, what do you know about the war?... I’ve had enough, you’re_ my _prisoner now… I’m sorry, Steven… Kill her, Steven… You’re a plight, a mistake… What is harder, a mother losing their child, or a child losing their mother? Pink would have liked you… You are special, Steven… You’re the opposite… I did what I could, you did what you could… Do you think your mother was a hero?... A mark of the lowest run of our race… Steven, you are the **key**._

“Ugh.” Pushing his palms into his closed eyes, he tried his best to force away his horrible images that rose to his mind. What did it all mean? It all felt like it had to mean something, but he was just coming up with knots in his stomach and tears in his eyes. He didn’t feel special, he didn’t feel like he had done anything but lead his friends and family straight to the Diamonds.


	27. Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost no one is sure about anything anymore - except Connie. Connie is _very_ sure who it is she absolutely hates.

“I thought I might find _you_ here…” It was Heliodor, and she was standing in front of a Pearl, a Lapis Lazuli, and a cowering Peridot. The white archive room was active, experimental files on full display. It was curious sight indeed.

Pearl and Lapis froze, knowing what Heliodors were capable of, her eyes deadly as she examined the room. They had been caught, it was over…

“Get up. We don’t have all day.” The lean gem entered the room, extended a long arm with fingers outstretched, and grabbed Peridot by the arm.

“My Diamond has need of you. Come.”

With a quick jerk, Peridot was dragged to standing, released in disgust, and marched out the hallway in a fluid motion.

Lapis’ mouth was agape, looking at the door and then to Pearl, who had the same expression. She… didn’t come for them? Surely she had to know who they were, right? Pearl even had her weapon drawn. Maybe… the Heliodor just somehow didn’t notice? Or really wasn’t there for them, and they just got lucky?

Pearl leaned weakly on her sword, her nerves coming undone as they stood in a stunned silence. Though she didn’t have a chance to further interrogate the Peridot, she had to count her lucky stars that they weren’t just taken away. Heliodors… they’re often called the Pursuant, able to track and capture just about anything or anyone, but they were also extremely loyal, so if she wasn’t _told_ to take them, then she may not have. Their obedience was comparable to that of a Pearl, a thought which made the renegade Pearl shake her head in focus.

“That was… strange.” Pearl glanced at Lapis, who blinked several times before answering.

“Y-Yeah…”

Sheathing her sword, Pearl bit her lip as she looked at the room. The screen still glowed, logs open to the experiments, this might be their only chance to investigate, but…

Genuinely unsure, she volleyed her concerns to Lapis. “Where… or what, rather, do you think we should do?”

The blue gem was about as unsure as Pearl, cupping her chin in one hand, eyes squinting in concentration.

“So… well, let’s just forget about whatever that was for now. It… doesn’t seem like there was anything she intended to do, but she for sure knows we’re here. _And_ she’s headed back to Blue Diamond with that Peridot… If she didn’t recognize us or care to take us, _that_ Peridot will definitely report what we did. We can’t stay here.” Piecing the puzzle together, she ended her deliberation with finality. Glancing at the screen, she too felt frustrated and curious at the same time. What had all of Peridot’s jargon meant – why did they need all of these measurements? He had healing powers, Lapis’ being here was proof of that, so why bother with tests and human biology?

Pearl sighed and shut her eyes, but agreed. “Yes, you’re right… we best go quickly, lest were cornered here again. We won’t be so lucky next time if we’re found.”

Mouth drawn tight, she adjusted the sword at her side and approached the archive, disabled the screen and returned the room to the state in which they found it. Then, she turned to face Lapis who gave her a nod, indicating that they best move on.

Rerouting their way through the labyrinthine building, Pearl and Lapis were silent and reflective, both of their minds swimming with questions. After another few minutes of walking, Pearl took a turn off the path from before, knowing that this way should bring them to the warp pads.

Once they had almost arrived, Pearl lifted a hand in pause and leaned against a wall, Lapis following her actions. She peeked cautiously around the corner that opened to a large chamber, splitting off into smaller chambers each of which contained at least one warp pads. There was no one to be found, though, just like the rest of the white halls.

Turning back and taking a deep breath, Pearl rested her head against the wall and looked at the ceiling.

“So, where do we go now? It seems like Yellow Diamond must have him, not White Diamond. But would she be keeping him in a cell? Garnet said he’d be brought to the Center in a few hours, and there’s no way to tell how much time has passed…”

Lapis looked at her hands, clenching her fists as she thought about it. “Well… Maybe we could try Yellow Diamond’s base, and retrace our steps to the warp pad if it seems we’re almost out of time? It will be… a lot harder to cut off the, er, ceremony, but it wouldn’t be impossible.” She didn’t really sound confident.

Pearl didn’t have a better plan, so she worked up her nerve, glanced around the corner one more time, and started off towards the nearest chamber. She and Lapis cleared the width of the room easily, walking as swiftly and silently as possible.

Lapis stepped up on the pad immediately, but Pearl hesitated for just a moment. “There… might be subjects when we arrive there. I’m not familiar with Yellow Diamond’s protocols, so just…” Pearl ran a hand through her unnaturally long hair, nervous.

“You too.” Lapis offered her a hand, a surprisingly kind gesture between them, and they set off for the Military District.

At first, Lapis thought she had warped through time rather than space, or that something had gone wrong and she was in her own mind. Blinking her eyes into awareness, she saw Jasper approaching her, extending a hand, inviting her in…

She flinched away, drawing her hand in on herself, too disturbed to pick up on all of the sensory information around her. There was a ringing in her ears, and she was pretty sure Pearl was saying something, but her eyes were locked on Jasper.

“Wah – ” she barely managed out.

Clearing her throat, Pearl bowed to Lapis, still on the warp pad. Her voice sounded very intense. “My respected Lapis Lazuli, this _loyal subject_ to Yellow Diamond would like to know if we would like to join her at the Center. She was just getting ready to leave, and says we should make our report on this mysterious sword _after_.” Lapis tore her gaze away from the confused orange face, eyes narrowed in anger as Pearl spoke. Pearl, for her part, was doing her very best not to panic.

“Why would we do that?” Her voice was sharp like a whip.

Pearl’s mouth was pressed thinner as she stared at Lapis, trying and failing to communicate with just her eyes. “ _Because_ , your grand Terraformist, since we were _just_ about to head there ourselves after making our report, and it would seem _traitorous_ to decline such a kind offer.” She bowed, squeezing her eyes together.

_Come on Lapis, say something, we need this…_

“I – I, um, …” but she was freezing up, unable to come up with an excuse; she was barely able to come up with words at all, to be fair.

The orange gem misread her panic as excitement for the festivities, however, and batted a hand at her lazily. “Don’t even worry about it, Lazuli. Your report isn’t going anywhere. We don’t want to miss anything good!”

Jasper was about to step up on the warp pad with the two of them, but Lapis raised her hand. Her voice was shaky, but she managed to come up with something.

“N-no, that’s… We are on direct orders from my Diamond. We – I – it’s related to the crash, we have evidence regarding the intruders…” Pearl nodded her head in encouragement, massively relieved that Lapis caught up.

Jasper looked nervous, turning her head into the empty room behind her and back at the others. “Alright, well, let me escort you – if it’s something that important, Yellow Diamond will want it secured. Can’t go with the regular old evidence – uh, Lazuli? Are you alright?” She was, however, not okay – her mind was spinning again, falling through Prehnite and Peridot and back into Malachite. The voice in her head… she hadn’t heard it out loud in so long, and now it was trying to take her again, she couldn’t fall back into this…

Pearl tittered nervously, trying to mend the awkward silence. “Well, um, I know how excited she is to attend. Your grand Terraformist, may I take the evidence – something like this is below you,” she curtsied respectfully.

“Ugh, enough _Pearl_. Just come on, Yellow Diamond wants this place cleared out way ahead of time. We need to hurry or we’ll _all_ be shattered.” Pearl shot Lapis a serious glance, mouthing _I’m sorry_ and hastily followed Jasper down a hallway.

Lapis had started to rub her arm, a nervous habit she’s picked up, and felt her legs shaking once they had gone out of sight. She really just messed up – if Pearl hadn’t jumped in, she would have lost it completely.

_Come on, get it together. This isn’t about you, or Malachite, or Prehnite, or Jasper… It’s about Steven._

Walking forward, it felt like an arrow went through her brain, her resolve punctured, sinking into those black waters again. Her voice was there again, Jasper, never really having left.

_She’s not even the same as me, or did you forget what we had? It was special, and you know it, I know it. We were so great together._

“No!” She whispered, grabbing her ears and covering them like a human child might, trying to block the voice from her mind.

Her hands were shaking and she squeezed her eyes tight, trying to calm herself. Pearl could be back any moment with that Jasper, and she needed to be a dignified Homeworld Gem right now.

“You’re not _me_. You brought out everything I _hate_ about myself… I’m not that person anymore…” A tear leaked out of her shut lids.

Her focus was interrupted when the warp pad activated, only feet away, her face going totally blank with shock.

_Here? But… no, I’m imagining things…_

 

* * *

 

Speeding around corners a few paces behind Garnet, Connie on the fusion’s shoulders, Amethyst’s mind had been wandering. She was worried about Pearl, Lapis, and Peridot… Garnet’s information has been somewhat helpful, but this was still really, really messed up. They had really strayed from the plan, which, Amethyst hated to admit, made her uneasy. She hoped that just _maybe_ the chaos left behind by Sugilite would be near enough to wherever the others landed to draw them in, but it’s not like they could just stay behind and wait. They needed to find Steven _first_ , his problems were much more pressing right now.

Garnet slowed down, still moving but steadying her pace as they reached a particularly wide hallway. “This is it. Beyond that door is the connecting lobby for White and Blue Diamond’s districts. They might be waiting for us, so keep your guard up…”

Connie adjusted so her sword rested on her shoulders rather than across her back, an easier transition to her fighting stance if needed; Amethyst summoned her whip and put her hair up. Garnet closed her eyes, trying to see…

“I can see Pearl and Lapis, they’re somewhere…white, so maybe they’ve beat us there. I don’t see Peridot. Not yet.” Now they had slowed to a walk, and Garnet lifted Connie off from her shoulders and set her on the ground.

The fusion didn’t bother with the panel, not exactly known for her delicate touch, and punched open the door, ready to fight if she had to. The metal rang loudly, a shrill screech as it slid across the floor, but they were the only ones to hear it. Once again, they found the place empty.

Amethyst walked into the room, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand, trying to comfort herself. “Ugh… this place just gives me the creeps. Let’s, like, hurry…”

They all shared the same feeling as they glanced around at screens and panels, examining the oddly shaped, geometric structures noting the dividing line that abruptly changed from glowing blue to tempting white – a nothing color, a mystery, the unknown.

Amethyst was paused, looking at a mural off to one side, just beside a large curved chair. Connie stopped to look at the picture too, admiring the height of Blue Diamond in comparison to several upside-down triangles, with a dizzying storm of hands folded in prayer around her head. After a moment, something about it made her feel uneasy, so she shook her head and walked around the chair to look around the rest of the room.

Moving towards the blue-white division line, Connie’s eyes scanned the passing fixtures in awe: more murals of military conquest, screens with images and scrawled writing, all the gem tech oddly disproportionate and seemingly random. But, what the room lacked in order, it made up for in size –a sprawling, tall rectangular room with sloping walls and ceilings, obviously designed to accommodate gems far larger than Garnet. Speaking of which, Connie scanned around for Garnet – which was an odd thing for her to have to do; Garnet is… well, huge, so she’s not exactly hard to find in an empty room even as big as this one.

“Amethyst?” Connie turned around to where she had left the purple gem only a few moments ago.

No answer. Nervously, she gripped the hilt of her sword a little tighter, wondering if she had somehow missed a command to move out. She retreated behind the chair next to the mural, but Amethyst was gone.

“G-Garnet?” Now she was really nervous, alone on a literal alien planet, without any of the six aliens she arrived with.

Cautiously, Connie backed into the nearest wall, checking behind her and keeping her sword ready, wanting a solid surface against her as to not leave any openings. Making contact with cold metal, Connie pressed her spine flat against it, eyes alert. If someone was going to ambush her, she wasn’t about to make it easy for them.

She tried to keep her head forward and focused, any movement in her periphery a sign to enter her stance, but nothing came. What was going on? A few lines from her survival guide ran through her mind.

_In the event that you are separated from your partner or group, the best chance of being found is to wait. It may seem tempting at first to seek out help yourself, to trace your way back, but there is a risk of putting more distance between you and your group if either you or your group choose the wrong path. Instead, the party should notify authorities immediately when someone is noticed to be absent, and by waiting, the search team will not have to track your movement, just your location._

Connie frowned, finding the advice less than helpful right now – notifying the _authorities_ here would likely get her killed.

After another ten minutes of waiting, Connie had started to fidget nervously. They were losing time, and Steven’s chance of survival was slipping away with it. Should she go on without them? The blue half of the room had four corridors – two on each wall perpendicular to the door they came from – and from what she could tell, they all went deeper into the district. Connie considered looking for them, but that would only get her more lost. Could she go on without them? She knew what she was looking for, White Diamond’s prison, but…

She jumped at a sudden noise coming from one of the blue hallways, eyes wide and ears straining. It sounded like a single, rough grunt, and it sounded like…

“ _Amethyst!”_ A mixture of fear and relief clenched her heart as she bolted down one of the hallways towards the sound. She paused to listen for it again, but there was nothing except her breathing and the pounding in her chest. Connie slowed her mad dash to a swift walk, passing numerous closed doors and more stretches of blue walls. Had they been captured? Why hadn’t they taken all of them, just Garnet and Amethyst? Or had she simply lagged behind by mistake?

Then, in a sudden burst of sound, a door just ahead on her right opened. There were two voices, one yelling but further away, the other ringing clear as day.

“ _… touch her! I’ll, I’ll – just, no! Don’t!”_

“… is well. Bring her to me – the girl.” The command was much easier to discern than the scrambled yelling, melodic but authoritative. Connie’s eyes went wide as a figure walked into the hallway, tall and orange, turning to look at her.

“No need, my Diamond, she has come to you.” An orange gem’s was looking at Connie from the doorway, sizing her up, her mouth a thin line of disapproval. She looked… annoyed?

_My Diamond…?_

Connie tightened her grip on her sword, waiting for the other to make her move, try to come after her. But just as quickly as she took her stance, everything went black. In a single blink, the tall gem had disappeared from her vision and was right behind her, bent down to her level. She’s never seen anyone move so fast, like a flash of wind. Even with her fighter’s reflexes, the orange gem was too quick for her, opening her mouth to reveal sharpened teeth.

“ _Shhh…_ ” was all it took, and Connie’s body went limp. She crumpled, unconscious, Rose’s sword clanging onto the metal floor.

Heliodor caught her before she fell, holding the human aloft by the collar, studying her. This human was female and young, with long brown hair and defined muscles – much different than the hybrid child, but so similar, too. Stubborn and reckless.

Without skipping a beat, she walked back into Blue Diamond’s think chamber, Connie’s lifeless body in one hand and a pink sword in the other.

 

* * *

 

Steven woke up on the strange, Diamond-sized couch, back against the hard surface, but he actually felt somewhat better. His body – and mind, for that matter – had been desperately overworked as of late, and it felt good to rest. His torn arm didn’t hurt as much, so he unwound the tourniquet he had made to inspect the damage. It was… pretty bad.

What had at first been a small puncture wound in his… his…? He was coming up blank, the area you’re supposed to sneeze into? Pearl called it something once, an anti-cube fossil? Whatever it was, _that_ entire part of his arm had turned a sickening red, like a radiating bruise that was maroon at the injection point. This sort of thing didn’t usually make him feel sick, but this was particularly disturbing. Really, really unnatural looking. The longer he thought about it, he was honestly surprised he hadn’t died already, thinking about the pool of blood at the bottom of Yellow Diamond’s bubble.

His stomach churning uncomfortably, Steven opted to rip off another line of fabric from his shirt and re-wrap it – if not to protect it, so he wouldn’t have to look at it anymore.

He sat up and looked around, surprised that no one had taken him away yet. Blue Diamond had left him, and he fell asleep eventually…

“Oh.” His mouth fell open.

_The Gems…_

He decided to return to his former position, ignoring the pain along his spine. It was unbelievable – the whole thing – how had this happened? Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst… Lapis, Peridot… he felt tears spring to his eyes, and he didn’t bother to wipe them away. They loved him _too_ much, and now they were here to save him, but he didn’t _want_ to be saved. Not like this, not if it meant they would have to die for him.

Then there was the matter of Connie… Steven rubbed his cheek, remembering when he found his first facial hair, wanting to grow up with her…

_Hopefully she took the message and tried to move on. She can stay and do missions if that’s what she wants, but Pearl wouldn’t have let her come on something like this, right? She’ll be alone on Earth, the only Crystal Gem left when this is all over…_

Steven lifted a hand to his face, inspecting it, turning it over in his vision, flexing each finger. Connie’s hands were so rough, Stevonnie’s hands were so steady, and Smoky’s hands were so strong. Closing his eyes, Steven even thought about Opalite’s many hands, all different sizes and blue – those hands demanded, and yielded results.

Results… what did White Diamond ever even want from him? She had gone through a lot of trouble just for him to be killed, and then Blue Diamond didn’t seem to want him to die, but Yellow _certainly_ wanted him dead. And then…

_Pink would have liked you…_

His thoughts were interrupted when a door opened, and Steven turned his head to the side, not bothering to get up. Two stocky yellow gems, probably Quartz, appeared in the doorway and they were holding tall, silver batons. Steven thought the instruments odd – they didn’t really look like weapons, but the purpose and intent to hurt was somehow still evident in the way they shined under the blue light. The pair scanned around the room as they entered, eyes bulging when they saw him on top of the couch, staring down at them.

“Rose Quartz? Is that… you?” One of the Yellow Gems asked, her voice shifting between confused and afraid.

Steven sat up, swung his legs over the side of the blue behemoth and replied. “Sure.”

The two exchanged a look, surprised by his response (and, more than likely, his appearance).

“Well… it’s time, would you uh, come down?” Steven frowned as he looked at the gems below, reminding him of Amethyst and Jasper in their voice and mannerisms. But now was not the time for that…

He pushed off with his hands as casually as if he was taking a dip in the pool, falling heavily at first but he managed to control the fall, landing softly on his feet.

The guards looked down at him, faces etched in suspicion, ready to fight if necessary, but Steven just shrugged. Now or never, he thought.

Tapping the large batons twice against the floor, a quick _tap-tap_ , Steven’s marked wrist started to flare yellow, a sort of painful impatience, but it was over after just another second. The guards stood on either side of him, the sphere at the head of each baton glowing yellow, generating a buzzing beam of yellow energy that connected to his scared wrist, extended from there to his other arm, and finally binding to the baton on the other side. It was sort of like elaborate manacles, but not nearly as restrictive as the security monitor he had been made to wear in the beginning. Examining the batons and his wrist, Steven found the machination rather unnecessary, but chalked it up to showmanship.

_This was their big victory, after all…_

He sighed and looked at his feet as they led him out of the room. They passed a large expanse of glass, a hallway leading to a warp pad, and he looked out at the world below. He knew it was fruitless, but he couldn’t help scanning for purple, or green, or white, or blue, or anything, anybody he recognized…

But the streets he could see were empty, and a moment later he was stepping onto a warp pad.

Squinting, Steven didn’t really know where they were going, so it took his mind a moment to adjust as the yellow room came into focus as the cool warp stream disappeared. It was _almost_ all the same, crisp yellow that he had come to expect, but there was a blue blob that didn’t belong. Blinking a few times, he realized it was a person, staring, but…

He sucked in a hard breath, nearly falling over.

_Lapis?_

 

* * *

 

To her, this had to be the single worst moment of her entire life. Amethyst scanned the room as she felt a gem looming threateningly behind her back, daring her to move. She really didn’t want to be poofed, and her hands were bound in some funky Homeworld brace, so she couldn’t use her powers, so all she could do was observe.

Wincing in time with a series of rough kicks, Amethyst watched as Ruby was pummeled by other, much bigger gems. Sapphire was crying, soldiers gripping her hard delicate blue arms, dragging her away from the red gem. She had seen Garnet come apart before, but never like… this. A sob rose in her throat, and Amethyst squeezed her eyes shut and turned away as another kick was aimed right at Ruby’s gemstone, planting in her hand. Peeking through her lids, Amethyst was overcome with relief when she saw that the red gemstone had not been shattered.

 _Thank the stars for Peridot…_ She turned her head down to examine her own gem and gem mod, ready to protect her in a moment’s notice.

Sapphire had stopped struggling, and was forced roughly next to Amethyst on the floor, hands secured in the same strange bondage. Ruby had not yet been forced into the weird brace yet, still panting loudly as she was pinned down on the floor, her head rammed painfully against blue metal every time she tried to call out.

“ _Sapphir—”_ Smack.

“ _Don’t hurt he – ”_ Another.

“ _I can’t – ”_ Again. Then a fourth time, and a fifth.

Finally, Sapphire cried out to her, voice thick with tears. “Stop, Ruby! _Please_ …”

The Blue gem was hit hard by another soldier, knocking her into Amethyst, but the blue gem resisted the urge to cry out in pain – she knew it would only make Ruby even more volatile to see her hurting.

All three of them were quiet when the door opened, Ruby just huffing loudly, eyeing Blue Diamond with pure hatred.

The orange gem that had taken them by surprise re-entered the room them with her hands full – one holding Connie, the other Rose’s sword. Without pause, she advanced forward and placed the blade at Blue Diamonds feet, bowing her tall frame while still holding Connie straight out.

“The girl, my Diamond. My apologies; I am not sure how I overlooked her before.” Amethyst wanted to lunge at her, smash her face with her fist, spit on her. How did one gem cause all of this? One minute, everything had been fine, and the next, everything went black. She opened her eyes and Garnet had been split, her hands were bound, and now Connie was suspended like a doll in front of her.

Dismissively, Blue Diamond looked from the tall gem to the small girl, then back to the screen, her face focused. “It is fine, this time. Wake her. I wish to discuss some things before we begin.”

Heliodor bowed her head, turned to where Amethyst was sitting and placed Connie to her other side. As the dangerous, orange gem leaned over Connie, Amethyst stared daggers at her, wanting nothing more than to summon her whip and wrap it around her slender little neck, but Heliodor did not acknowledge her. In fact, her face was perfectly blank as she stared at Connie’s unconscious one, lowering a single finger to the girl’s forehead and opening her mouth to speak.

What her face lacked in emotion, her terrifying whisper made up for in tone. It felt like Amethyst was being poisoned, infected, and cracked all at once – and it was just from her _voice_.

“ _Awake._ ”

Immediately, Connie jerked back to consciousness, eyes searching in surprise and fear as she returned to reality. Amethyst noted that Connie’s hands were not bound, but the orange gem saw to that. Kneeling behind the three of them, before Connie could get her bearings, she clasped her human hands tightly in a vice-like grip.

“Wah – Amethyst? What’s…?” her voice trailed off as she followed the purple gem’s urgent eyes, her mouth falling open as she looked at the statuesque figure in front of them. Blue and magnificent, Connie audibly gasped as she studied Blue Diamond’s face. She looked sad and wise, a monarch and a despot, lovely and intimidating.

Connie was so astonished, she even forgot to be afraid for a moment. She knew the Diamond’s weren’t going to be like normal gems, but this was unprecedented. The fear came back, though, as she realized Blue Diamond was looking directly at her.

“You’re Connie, aren’t you?” Her voice was teasing, a game. She knew the answer, but she still asked the question.

Blue Diamond was just too pleased to wait for answer. “Finally, it’s so nice for you to join me. Steven cares about you _so_ much,” They all reacted when she said that, anger flaring for her to even dare to say his name. Connie had only been awake for a minute, and she had never hated anyone so much in her life.

“And, you’re not a moment too soon,” turning her head, Blue Diamond gestured towards a wall off to their left which suddenly glowed to life. A massive panel, nearly the whole length of the room, flickered to life, projecting an image like a television screen. Connie’s eyes went wide as she tried to understand what she was seeing, squinting and refocusing.

It was like a crazed sporting event, like the football games her parents would sometimes watch, bodies moving and yelling and absolutely possessed with a unique adrenaline reserved for special occasions. This was much bigger than a football game, though, and from the angle above it looked like there were tens of thousands of gems smushed together, like the pictures of Empire City from the sky on New Year’s.

Blue Diamond’s soft mocking broke their distressed silence, Amethyst, Connie and Sapphire were gazing into the screen as Ruby tried to crane her neck from the floor.

“We’ve still got some time before things begin. Would you like to see if there’s anything else on?”

Blue Diamond twirled a finger elegantly and the screen changed, filling the room with a sudden yellow light. They all fell completely silence, looking at Lapis from above, standing alone in a bright yellow room, gripping her head in a show of pain. Then, off to one side, the warp pad activated.

 

* * *

 

“ _L-Lapis?_ ” Steven felt like he had seen a ghost. Was this real? Maybe he had already died and his brain blocked out the whole thing, and he was just seeing Lapis in his head. But, no, she wouldn’t be wearing such strange clothes or look so terrified.

One of the guards yanked at his restraints, which made him wince painfully. “Quiet. And _you_ – Yellow Diamond ordered this place empty by now. Go on Lazuli, to the ceremony, before we report you.” As the Citrines jerked Steven off of the warp pad, one of them pointed authoritatively at Lapis, but she was still gaping at Steven.

_… No, there’s no way this is Steven, it can’t be – but, no, his voice, his eyes…_

“Are you deaf? _Move._ ” One of the Citrines shoved her when she remained planted in front of them, directly blocking their path, and her brain was moving so slowly she barely had the reflexes to catch herself against the ground. Steven was staring at her, too, eyes wide in shock and hurt and love.

He had to crane his neck at her as his escorts started to lead him away, too afraid to say anything else – if he tried to speak, they might realize that he knows her, blowing her cover.

“Yellow Diamond wants to have a final talk with you, so get a move on, we could be – ” _Poof_.

Lapis had grabbed the gemstone straight from the Citrine’s back, disconnecting the form by force, crushing the gemstone in her hand with such rage it cracked. The baton that held Steven in place clattered to the ground, but it did not deactivate, so he his arms were tugged in an awkward diagonal between the two.

The other Citrine turned in surprise, holding up an arm defensively as Lapis approached with a small ball of water, flooding their eyes painfully. She didn’t have much to work with, but the small store always available from her wings was enough for this.

Steven gasped as he watched Lapis disarm them, his arms being dragged painfully as one rod was discarded on the ground, the other moving erratically as the gem struggled with the water in her eyes.

“Lapis, _stop it!”_ He yelled louder than he meant to, enough that both yellow and blue gem in front of him froze completely.

“What – don’t you – _go!_ This is your chance, get the others, and get _out of here!”_ He hadn’t expected her, hadn’t prepared for this, his eyes were streaming with fresh tears as she stared at him, her face surprisingly void of any emotion.

A momentary relief washed over him as he watched her retract the water from blinding the Citrine, but his heart stopped when she formed the ball into a pointed, icy dagger and twisted it into his guard’s chest.

 _Poof_.

And now they were alone, staring at each other, both of Steven’s arms held tautly down by the rods that buzzed around his wrist.

“Wh- n- no! Why are you here? Go, now – this is…” he trailed off, Lapis falling to her knees in front of him and wrapping him a hug. It was just like his dream with Pearl, but no laughter, no giggling, no twirling. This was a desperate, clinging embrace, her grip tight and constricting. Steven had stopped resisting in surprise, but he was brought back to reality when he realized she was crying.

Awkwardly while still in his bonds, he pushed his hands against her, away.

“No, Lapis, don’t.” His panic had gone hollow as he watched the hurt break over her face, but he didn’t stop, didn’t soften like he had with Pearl. She needed to hear this.

“I… need you to leave. Now. Get the others, whoever is left, and go home.”

She blinked away fresh tears, obviously injured by his words. “B-but Steven, we came all the way here to find you, and you’re _here_! Right here!” She went to hug him again, but he cringed away.

Before he could protest, their moment was interrupted. It was a voice he knew, but here? He turned, eyes searching. _Jasper?_

“And that’s why. W- I – _what is going on here?_ ” She was standing next to… Pearl? It looked like his Pearl, but her hair was really long and her clothes were blue. Her face was the image of shock, her mouth hanging open and eyes blinking in disbelief.

Without hesitating, not even taking her eyes off of him, Lapis raised a hand and pierced the Jasper straight in the neck, her form disappearing instantly.

Then there were arms all over him again, holding him, hugging him, crying into him. He was just numb to it – eyes shifting nervously at the prospect of another person walking in. They could be caught, found, shattered any second…

“Steven, oh my stars, _Steven_ … I can’t, we found you! We did it!” Pearl laughed in hysterics, tears still pouring down her face, Lapis and her beaming at him and each other. He couldn’t meet their eyes, though – what was wrong with them? They needed to leave, and fast.

Just then, an idea hatched in his brain, but it was cruel. And it would be hard… really, really hard. Just thinking about it made his heart sink. He sighed, closed his eyes, and smiled.

“Actually, no, you’re both – you’re right. I should be thanking you, what’s wrong with me? It’s just been… really crazy.” He grinned sheepishly at them, and they hugged him tightly in response, and this time he hugged back.

“Could you, um, these things?” He kicked lightly at one of the batons that held him there, stuck in their arms, hoping…

Pearl smiled at him with so much love it made him want to cry. Lapis wiped her hand across her face, flushed deep blue from her overwhelming emotions. “Of course, just, hold on…” She summoned her spear and broke the crackling yellow energy easily.

She gasped after disabling the shackles, noticing the damage to his scarred arm, gripping it softly in her cold hands. Pearl didn’t know what to say at first, angry and disturbed but still so _happy_ that he was here. Eyes down, she stayed her negativity for the time being – she could address those questions later, with the others, back on Earth. The important thing was he was _safe_.

Lapis was just marveling at him, so happy to see him smiling again, even if his eyes looked vacant. She knew only a tiny fraction of what he had gone through, so she couldn’t blame him for being sensitive, but it would all be better now. They were together again, and she would help him the same way he helped her.

Steven glanced around, doing his best to look nervous and afraid (which wasn’t very hard) and grabbed one of each of their hands. “Can we, please, go? We won’t have long before they notice…” he lowered his gaze to the three gemstones littered on the floor around them, trying to sound concerned.

Their faces softened and they all stood from their heap on the floor, shaking but full of feeling. Lapis and Pearl… they looked so _proud_ , so excited, exchanging looks and smiles in a way he had never seen them before. They both held one of his hands, like the Gems used to do when he was little and they would walk along the beach together.

Looking up at them as they stepped up on the warp pad, their faces overjoyed, Steven felt like his heart was about to shatter. Pearl was still studying his discolored arm, so he pulled it away gently and cradled it in the hand Lapis had been holding, a sign of his fragility.

“Oh – wait – should we, I should bubble them…” Steven started, stepping forward, hand outstretched to the damaged gems on the ground.

Pearl lifted an arm to stay his shoulder. “No, Steven, it’s fine. Let me…”

She started to pull him back, following him off the warp pad, so he winced away and turned abruptly just as her familiar fingers tried to protect him. Lapis looked confused, her mouth set firmly, and started off too. Just when they were both close enough, Steven squeezed his eyes shut and felt a painful tear line his cheek.

 “ _No_.”

In a quick movement, he summoned the same shield that he had already used to hurt so many others, turning it on two of the people who wanted more than anything to protect them. He held his breath and flung it at their legs, the surprise and strength of his action knocking them off balance.

Pearl landed on her backside, and Lapis tottered awkwardly, catching herself on one knee. Pearl’s face was the hardest thing – the heartbreak, the realization, the loss and betrayal, all in one broken expression. Just at that, he almost gave up, wanting to run back into her comforting arms. But no, he couldn’t, they needed to go, protect themselves and the Earth, and he needed to die, and that was it.

“Bu – Steven?”

His voice didn't even sound like him. “Don’t you get it? I don’t _want_ you to rescue me. I…” He needed them to want it too. He knew they loved him, and they loved him _too_ much, so the only thing he could do was to extinguish that feeling. The last time he had seen Pearl, he had left too much vulnerability. He had to do this…

Normally, Lapis would have thought to grab him, but she was too shocked as he knelt down and placed one hand on the warp pad.

“You think I want this, but you’re wrong. You let them take me, you left me alone – they made me _kill_ people, they did this to me,” he pointed at his scarred arm. “I-I _hate_ you, all of you, so just leave me _alone_!”

And in a rush of blue light, he activated the warp stream, sending them both to the first place he could think of, and pulled his hand back. Still holding his shield, Steven took a deep, painful breath and lowered his eyes to examine the stone at his feet. It was smooth, beautiful, delicate – a cream colored island in a sea of yellow metal. He clenched his fist and ignored his tears, bringing down the pink shield with all the force he could muster against the warp pad. A splintering crack appeared, so he hit it a few more times until the crack went all the way through.

Steven was breathing heavily now, his voice ragged and choking through sobs. He had given them another chance, a final message, and maybe it would be enough to get them to run. Maybe not, but, what choice did he have? If they tried to take him, they would _all_ die; if he went through with this, then it would only have to be him. And maybe that was Blue Diamond’s point all along – maybe he _was_ special. Even if he was just one person, he could save them, and the Earth, and even give Blue Diamond peace. Maybe that wasn’t so bad.


	28. The Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapphire gets angry, Amethyst faces another Amethyst, Pearl and Lapis fall back into their nightmares, and Steven finally reaches the Center of Homeworld.

Sapphire tried to look away from the screen when Pearl and Lapis were knocked back against the warp pad – she might not have had her future vision, but she still saw it coming. Steven… he was too self-sacrificing, too selfless, too kind. It was obvious to her that there was something larger going on, something that was making him act so irrationally, and she had a strong suspicion it was related to the Diamond seated in front of her.

This was… about as close to her nightmare as she could imagine, actually. Sapphire had see so much in her life – literally and theoretically – and yet somehow she never saw this moment. Ruby was struggling under the weight of much stronger gems, and if not for Peridot’s modification, her partner would be dead; Steven had just attacked Pearl and Lapis; Connie and Amethyst were both restrained next to her with tears rolling from their cheeks; and then there was Peridot... no one even knew what had happened to her. But, somehow more unbelievable than all of that, she was seated at the feet of her Diamond once again, after thousands of years, and she still looked as mighty as the day Sapphire had escaped from her old life.

There was a shimmer in Blue Diamond’s eyes that told a thousand stories, and each one of them was a lie. Carefully crafted, each fabric of her being was woven together into a delicate web of authority and hidden power. It was impossible to know how she felt or exactly how deep her hand in any connivance went; nothing she said, nothing she did could be trusted, and Sapphire knew that better than anyone. How could she not, having predicted the future at her Diamond’s beck-and-call for millennia?

Blue Diamond had stopped looking at the screen once Steven was out of view, watching him head down a hallway that could only lead to Yellow Diamond, and had turned her gaze to the little blue gem below. To Sapphire’s left, Connie and Amethyst were silent, trying to stifle their sobs, and she could just see the Heliodor in the edge of vision, a tight hold on Connie’s hands, the orange gem’s eyes intense as she looked at their Diamond. Off to her right was Ruby, eyes shut and face streaming with tears… It was a heartbreaking sight.

“You, hold the girl,” Blue Diamond commanded to one of the Quartz holding down Ruby, her voice deceptively soft. “Heliodor, go retrieve the others. I want them all together, so the _Crystal Gems_ will get to watch the boy die.”

Amethyst was about to open her mouth to speak, but Connie stopped her with a quick nudg, and that was a wise thing to do. The purple gem might have been destabilized for yelling at a Diamond, or worse, and Connie seemed to realize the danger they were in, too. There was no way to overpower a Diamond, but she knew it could be possible to outwit them.

Blue Diamond looked just a tad irritated at Sapphire’s calm, which was to be expected. She liked her gems fearful and pensive, and Sapphire wasn’t about to give her that satisfaction. “Something wrong, my little Sapphire? You’ve never been one to speak much, but oh how you do love breaking the rules.”

Ruby hissed, so Sapphire shot her a quick look – even behind her bangs, the red gem was able to read her body language. _Don’t._

“You know,” she placed her pointer finger against her chin, a pose of curiosity. “Now that I think about it, you’re _all_ rule-breakers, aren’t you?” Connie exchanged a glance with Amethyst and Ruby, but Sapphire had only one eye for her Diamond, silent, waiting.

She pulled up two separate tableaux from the arm of her chair, looking into each screen thoughtfully. “Yes, yes, that’s right. My reports say you’re _all_ guilty of cross-fusion. Even you,” she tilted her head to one side as she examined Connie.

“Tell me, what was that like?” Connie pursed her lips nervously, trying to shoot a look at Sapphire to tell her what to do. The blue gem shook her head.

That was not well-received by her Diamond. “Oh, _you_ think you get decide who speaks, and when? My, my, five thousand years has really inflated your ego, hasn’t it, Sapphire?” She rested her hand against her knuckles, looking at the blue gem in question. In response, Sapphire just looked at her patiently, waiting for her punishment. It was fine, though, she knew Blue Diamond wouldn’t shatter her until after Steven’s execution, so she was glad to take the pressure off of Connie.

“Well, if you’re all content on being quiet, why don’t I just ask someone who already knows all about it? Agate, why don’t you come forward?”

All of their eyes grew wide at that, watching the intimidating figure of Holly Blue Agate come around the corner of Blue Diamond’s throne. She was smiling, a face full of pride and malice. The others managed to resist the urge to scream at her, knowing what she did to Steven, but Ruby couldn’t resist.

“ _You!_ What is the _matter_ with you, he’s just a kid! And you –  ” Holly Blue Agate came over and rested the point of her heel against Ruby’s fingers, holding her palm open, revealing her gem.

“If my Diamond didn’t have need of you, I would crush you right this moment.” Her voice rang threateningly in the dead space, no one making a sound after that. _Seeing_ her was one thing, but hearing her and watching her hurt Ruby was another thing entirely. Now Sapphire really was stressed, but she tried not to show it.

“Hmm, don’t like that now, do you, Sapphire?” The blue gem frowned down at her seer-gone-rogue, waiting, but Sapphire said nothing.

“Well, Agate, why don’t you tell me a little more about our guests, since they seem to have nothing to say?”

Holly Blue turned around, saluted Blue Diamond and gave a small bow. “Of course, my Diamond,”

She approached the others, ducked down in front of Connie so their faces were only a few feet apart.

“This one, her name is Connie. A human girl who admires the renegade. Oh, and Steven cares about you a great, great deal.” A blue hand reached out to rub Connie’s face, an action that made her recoil.

Her voice went hard as she dropped her hand. “Well, that’s not the sort of attitude he remembered you with. Oh yes, every little fuzzy memory, and so many! But Stevonnie, now _that_ was something.”

Blue Diamond arched an eyebrow at this, feigning curiosity. She already knew everything from her Agate’s report, but she was enjoying the show. Connie was squinting her eyes, the hurt too fresh for her to power through.

“Aw, that’s alright, don’t cry,” she stood up. “He wasn’t anything special to fuse with anyways. _Weak_.” Amethyst looked about ready to sink her teeth into Holly Blue’s leg as she approached her next.

“And then there’s you, and Smoky Quartz, I believe? Yes, that was right, ol’ Smoky and your little toy.” Every word was laced with contempt, and Blue Diamond appeared to be pleased.

“How disappointing that must be for you. See, I, we, we had something impressive. We had a morning star, deadly, lethal,” she leaned closer and closer to Amethyst with every word. “That’s how we shattered the other Amethyst, you know.”

At that, surprise flooded the room. Garnet had never told them who or how he had been forced to shatter, and now Holly Blue was going to make all of that come undone. Sapphire couldn’t prevent herself, speaking up, her teeth clenched.

“ _Stop_. That’s enough.” Her voice was calm, cold as ice; the floor beneath her started to chill.

Blue Diamond was having none of that, though. “Oh no, please, do continue. This is just so fascinating.” Her command was innocent to the ears, but piercing to the heart.

“Of course, my Diamond.” Holly Blue stood back up, pacing in front of the three of them.

“Well, you see, he was a desperate, weak, pathetic clinging thing. So, I took his vulnerability as a weakness, and then Opalite was made. Oh and weren’t they something, powerful and fast and so surprising with every turn. We made our way to my lustrous Diamond’s presence,” she gestured with a hand to Blue Diamond, who was impossible to overlook anyways. “And then those insolent traitors that dared to let you escape from the Human Zoo? Yes, you know the ones,” Holly Blue nodded as the recognition flashed on the purple gem’s face, surprise quickly replaced by angst.

“They were brought out, and then we shattered them with our weapon. Much more than a _toy_ could ever accomplish. Simple as that. Would you like to see? May I, my Diamond?” Holly Blue Agate turned to face Blue Diamond, who gave her just the tiniest nod, and she whipped around to terrorize them even more.

Sapphire, usually relatively docile, wanted to punch Holly Blue Agate in the face. If her hands weren’t bound, and even if she didn’t have Ruby with her, she would like nothing more than to watch those eyes roll back into her head with the force of her tiny blue fists. Before any of the others could do anything, Holly Blue summoned two bubbles, one in each hand. They refracted blue light across the surface of darker blue bubbles. It was like two tiny aquariums, but instead of fish, pretty little shards of orange and purple hovered delicately beneath the surface.

Holly Blue sighed, pretending to be an idol of disappointment. “These,” she said, looking between the bubbles in her hands. “Were ours. Oh, but poor Steven, he hated it so much. He couldn’t stand it after we shattered this Amethyst,” she lowered one of the orbs in front of the gem with the same name. “And he lost consciousness. Tsk. Too puny for his own good.”

She cackled at her own horrible, personal insight into Steven’s mind and turned back to Blue Diamond, her arms in a salute. Connie, Amethyst, Ruby were all repulsed by her laugh, but Sapphire flared hotter with anger – or, in a sense, colder in fury. The ice around her had started to spread beneath Amethyst and would reach Connie soon.

“Will there be anything else, my Diamond?” She returned to her usual proud voice.

“No, I believe that is all. The event is about to begin, so we are just at time. Shall we?” Turning in her chair slightly, the screen changed from the lifeless yellow room back to the stadium-like cheering in the Center of Homeworld.

 

* * *

 

 

Without escorts, Steven was a little worried he wouldn’t find Yellow Diamond and things would come undone – it’s not like he could exactly wait for the guards to reform. So, he started down a yellow hallway going straight, always going straight, and though there were off-shoots in several directions every so often, he did not diverge from the path; that’s what he had done with Heliodor when he first went to see White Diamond, so stick with a winning strategy, right?

As he walked, all he could think about was the pain in Lapis’ and Pearl’s face when he knocked them over.

_Please, **please** let them believe me. I don’t want to hurt anyone else, whoever is left. _

After twenty minutes, his nerves fraying the longer he went without finding a door, he was almost about to start shouting for someone, hoping they would take him away, when an exit finally came into view. It was not a door at all, but a diamond shaped room at the end that branched out gradually from the narrow walls. He edged closer, eyes straining, unsure of what might be beyond these halls.

Once the room full opened around him so he could see three corners and a door (where the fourth corner would have been) he bit his lip nervously. It was grand, yellow as everything else, but entirely empty.

“…want something done around – _oh._ You’re here. And your escort?” Yellow Diamond had just entered through a wall that opened seamlessly, melding back into cold metal the moment she stepped through with her Pearl.

Steven hadn’t thought of a good explanation, too consumed with his confusing mixture of guilt and satisfaction with what had just happened.

“O-oh, uh, they… went back? Right before you got here, there they go, I can see them!” He turned and glanced back down the way he came, hoping his bluff wouldn’t get them shattered when this was all over.

Yellow Diamond’s eyes narrowed but she said nothing.

She leaned down and bubbled him again (without a needle in his arm this time, thankfully). He turned his head away from her, saying nothing, ready to get this over with – to get _everything_ over with.

“You understand what is about to happen?” She held him up expectantly, but he was silent, only offering a single nod. He felt sick, hungry, exhausted, emotional – the last thing he really wanted to do was talk to _Yellow_ Diamond, of all people. Even White Diamond was better company than her, somehow.

She examined him closely, floating in her palm – a tiny thing, already near to death. Trust in others was foolish, especially in your enemy, so she did not want to risk some unaccounted for scheme.

“You… undoubtedly know about the Hand Ship, yes?” Her eyes were intense but mysterious. He looked at her, not sure what she was getting at.

“Yes.”

“Well… if anyone interrupts this, just know, you won’t be the only one shattered on that stage.”

Now it was Steven’s turn to ask a question, arching an eyebrow. “Why are you telling me this?”

Yellow Diamond turned and started advancing towards the wall she came from, unsure if she should be telling him this, but it was time. “More than one person will die today.”

He looked up at her, confused and scared by the sudden annoucement, but they were propelled into a warp stream before he could ask her anymore questions.

Then, suddenly, everything was bright – yellow and white and blue and _pink_ , so much pink, the whole world seemingly painted that color in celebration of her memory. He actually had to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn’t dreaming – the lights, the sounds, the movement was so concentrated it didn’t seem like it could be real. Yellow Diamond was holding him level with her face out in front of her, arm fully outstretched so the world could see him, captured in her little yellow bubble. The length of his vision was outlined by gems of every conceivable color moving, pushing, yelling, _screaming_ at him, and then Yellow Diamond had started advancing before he could even understand what was happening. It sounded like the static from his T.V., combined with underwater bubbles and the whirling of a thousand drills directly in his ears. It was so, _so_ loud – roaring and chanting and anger and sobs stormed like thunder all across a raging sea.

How many gems were here? Ten thousand? A hundred thousand? It was impossible to tell, but he had never seen so many people – gems or humans – in his entire life. Ahead of them was a divided path, a barrier keeping him from the hordes of vengeful victims, soldiers, champions, warriors, friends, supporters, and loyalist of Pink Diamond. Certainly there were many that belonged to the others, but the masses were all sporting some sort of coloration in her memory, changing their physical appearances to reflect their loss. Were Steven not so stunned by the sensory overload, he might have stopped breathing at the magnitude of the guilt that threatened to choke him.

Absurdly, he remembered when Pearl tied that elegant bow to keep the Cool Kids out of the moss his mom grew on the outskirts of Beach City, and he covered his mouth at the memory. His life had so completely changed since then. It was only about a year ago, but he had been such a child. If the sun hadn’t come out that day, he would have died with Lars, Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream. Now, he looked up, away from the chaos passing below, into the eternally dark skies of Homeworld. No sun would come to rescue him today, the only shining source of yellow escorting him straight to his death.

Lowering his gaze again, Steven started to understand where they were going, down a straight path that led to a raised platform. They were about halfway to the very center of the crowd, the platform obviously strategically constructed in such a way that all could see. Calling it a stage, like the kind a Beach-a-Palooza, was wrong, because this stage was open on all sides. White Diamond was standing on the dais, legs straight, arms crossed, and face impassive. Steven couldn’t help but grimace at the sight of her – the last time they had seen each other was in the Kindergarten, before she bubbled him, her last words still clear in his mind.

_You are the key._

_To what? I guess I’ll never know – it must not matter now._

Steven considered what might await him at the end of this procession – well, besides the obvious. A speech? The whole, “any last words,” bit? Would they poof him first, and then shatter him? What sort of weapon would they use? He had, for some reason, imagined a real theatrical affair, like one might see in a movie (but he didn’t like watching those sort of films, so he wasn’t even sure what that might be).

Time was passing like Steven’s life was on fast forward, which it sort of was. How do you compress a million thoughts, sights, sounds, and feelings in just a few minutes walk? Every millisecond something new flashed in his vision, or an unfamiliar voice was yelling his mother’s name, or the smell of hot metal rose from the ground, or he felt the general soreness of his body – particularly his arms – drawing his attention to his discolored skin, starting the cycle over again. 

A tiny part of his brain wondered if _they_ were here – the others. He knew he would never be able to pick them out of the crowd, it was shifting too quickly and he was pretty high up, but a tiny flicker in his heart made him try anyways. An afro, blue wings, pointed blonde hair… anything that might make them stick out in the craziness, but it yielded no results. That was fine, he thought as they neared the pavilion. It was probably better if they didn’t watch anyways.

 

* * *

 

Lapis and Pearl fell roughly onto a warp pad in an unfamiliar place – well, it was unfamiliar to Lapis. Pearl knew this place very, _very_ well – she wasn’t sure what surprised her the most. What Steven had just said, that she was here again, or that _he_ was the one who _sent_ her here. She couldn’t even stand up, too confused and overwhelmed to process what was happening.

The blue gem studied the walls, columns, arches… this could only be… but, why would Steven send them here?

_Steven…_

Pounding her fists on the warp pad, Lapis tried to send them back to him. “No, Steven! What is – !” She smashed her hands against the ground again, on her hands in knees, shaking in anger and desperation. Tears streaked down her pretty face, falling onto the plane of the warp pad, but otherwise it was silent.

Through her sniffles, she heard his voice in her head, mixing and swirling maniacally with Jasper, just seeing her moments ago still raw on her tethered emotions. There was too much hurt in her heart, too many voices in her head that didn’t belong to her…

_She’s the one you should be afraid of… You left me alone – they made me **kill** people…  You, you’re a monster… You let them take me… We’ve been holding us back for too long… I’ll come back for you…_

If Lapis was having a tough time, Pearl’s grief was insurmountable. She blinked several times, craning her neck to study the familiar walls. So long ago since she’s been here, but yet, in a life as long as hers, was it really?

“I-I… I never…” but she choked on her voice, unable to continue. How did she let herself get dragged back into this again? No more commands, no more orders – she was _free_ , a free gem, her own Pearl. But… she was here. It was everything she never wanted, but everything she already was. A Pearl in purgatory; a gem in hell.

As Pearl struggled to speak, Lapis looked up at her. She’s seen that look in her own eyes, the white gem now reflecting her own emotions like a mirror: horror, pain, loneliness. Pearl had literally become inert from her crushing sense of defeat. Lapis shook her head and tried to focus for just a moment – she had to warp them somewhere else, somewhere they would both be safe, a place to think… Here, in White Diamond’s throne room, was obviously not the place for that.

The only thought that could come to mind, though, was Steven – back to that yellow prison. _No, you have to focus, somewhere else…_ Her heart was heavy thinking about it, but she needed to force it away, out of her mind for now. There was no way to try to rationalize with him – his pain was internal, emotional, and it needed a different kind of healing. Honestly, Lapis was disappointed that she let her guard down so easily – there’s no way he would have conceded, just like that – but the joy in her heart had blinded her.

She needed to be the guide now, eyes clear, so she tightened her grip on Pearl’s shoulders and was about to speak when they were both shoved violently forward, hard enough to send them off the warp pad. Lapis had to pause, confused as she rubbed one side of her head. What… was that? Regaining her composure, she looked up and gasped when she saw a Heliodor – the same one as before? – standing pointedly above the two of them. Her eyes spoke in a language of poison, her long fingers talons ready to kill.

“W-we, I – excuse us – ” Lapis started to stammer. Heliodor held up a hand to stop her.

“Don’t bother,” she said. “I already know who you are.”

The blue gem’s voice died in her throat, the words saturating the air with unspoken threats. The sudden tension was enough to even rouse Pearl from her suffocating apathy. A thin hand twitched for her sword, only for her to remember she had left it behind when she was escorted away by Jasper. Cursing under her breath, Pearl tried to meet Heliodor’s intimidating gaze.

“What do you want?” Her voice rang hollow.

Heliodor paused, thinking about the question. When she spoke, her voice was as lifeless as her expression. “That’s a complicated question. I want a lot of things – vengeance, answers, glory – but from you? I am afraid there is nothing you can do for me, but there _is_ something I can do for you. Come, there is something you should see.” Pearl and Lapis exchanged a nervous glance, neither of them particularly excited by such a cryptic offer by a mysterious Homeworld gem.

The gem turned on her heel and walked back towards the warp pad, waiting. After neither of them moved or said anything for a few moments, Heliodor pressed her mouth together dangerously, eyes full of contempt.

“There are forces at work here greater than you know. My Diamond is waiting for me, so there is not much time. You will not have this chance again.”

To Pearl, there was hardly anything left to fight for, but she thought of Connie, Amethyst, Garnet, Peridot… and knew that do matter how much she just wanted to lay down and die, she had to stand, had to move, had to start all over again. Pearl looked at Lapis, eyes searching, detecting in her blue face a thin gossamer of resolve, fragile and wounded, but still there. The white gem closed her eyes heavily, feeling thousands of years of self-actualizing struggle float to her chest and tried to release it in a single deep exhale. It was just enough to get Pearl to start to stand up, Lapis following her lead, both of them shaking but moving forward to the warp pad.

“We’re going.” Lapis’ voice was weak but determined.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Heliodor considered the many consequences that may follow, but she had been given an order. The execution would be starting soon, so she must act quickly.

“You’ll need this.” She handed them a short green baton, glowing mysteriously in her hands.

And a moment later, the three of them were gone.

 

* * *

 

“My loyal gems,” Yellow Diamond raised one arm up, a coy smile on her face as the cheers across the ground exploded in a bouyant cheer. White Diamond was seated in a throne on the platform now, as imposing and white as she was. She looked disinterested in the festivities. That might have surprised Steven, but her mannerisms had always seemed off, so he didn’t pay her much attention. He was having enough trouble staying conscious without the added distraction.

Yellow Diamond had summoned a tiny triangular platform, probably about five-feet in each direction, and chained him to its surface with familiar ghostly chains – he had been bound in these in each color by now, white, blue and now, yellow.

His tiny island floated about level with Yellow Diamond’s torso and with White Diamond’s gaze. Being so high up without the weightlessness of a bubble made him feel very ill, and Steven realized it had probably been at least a day – maybe two, or more – since he had last eaten. His skin had turned a sickly pallor color by the time Yellow Diamond started her speech, making him appear ethereal in his white ensemble. He felt like he was being supported by nothing but a flimsy house of cards, wondering what would kill him first – his malnutrition, falling from this height, or the Diamonds.

Honestly, Steven wasn’t even interested in much of what Yellow Diamond was saying – he was focused on other things. His heart was pumping loudly, the fear and instability that rocked his body and his mind taking their toll, so he resisted the urge to scan the crowd for the Gems. Instead, Steven opted to stare at his bare feet, small and white and familiar, and think about his final moments.

 _I wonder if Pearl and Lapis are okay… it was stupid to send them there, but, it’s not like I had a lot of time to think. And White Diamond is here, so maybe there was no one there. Actually, I sort of didn’t expect White Diamond to be here, just Yellow and Blue Diamond… and now, she’s not here either._ He screwed up his face in concentration, recalling their conversation before she rubbed his head in farewell.

_I won’t see you again until, well, tomorrow… But I’m glad we had this time together._

As he thought about it, he couldn’t even blame her for not coming. She was about as fed up with all the senseless violence as he was, seeing him die wouldn’t amount to anything, it is the _after_ that mattered to them, the peace that follows the storm.

“… _Pink_ Diamond was greatly loved by all her subjects. To all, she was a gem as compassionate as she was ambitious, as fearless as she was humble, and she was respected by you, by me, by everyone – with one exception.” Yellow Diamond bowed her head, a chorus of boos and raucous shouts were directed at him, such a sudden change from the silence that had fallen over the masses that Steven flinched. He was thankful he was sitting, might he have fallen from his pedestal in the sudden movement.

“The simple dignity of her life, her many virtues, her duty to her subjects – she was as alike a ruler as she was a sister, no gem untouched by her sense of responsibility and her courage in peace or in war. I hope I speak for all of Homeworld when I say that every institution that stands today does so as an emblem of Pink’s character and superior judgment –  each new generation of gem is crafted better for her having lived, and each vein of old gem made prouder for having known her through her death.” Yellow Diamond did not become emotional like she had she sang to Blue Diamond, but her voice was softer and more beholden than Steven had ever heard it.

“And now, one of her subjects comes and dies. _The_ Rose Quartz, the traitor of our kind, had never deserved the mercy of her Diamond’s image; so now, let us reserve no mercy as we greet her in her death.

“Many of you may question the appearance of this creature before you – but question not when I tell you it is her. Such a form is only appropriately disturbing for the crimes she has committed, needing no further explanation.”

Steven felt his hands shaking badly now, causing his shackles to quiver slightly. He really _wasn’t_ afraid of dying, it was just the absolute capacity for hatred that enraged the gems below that disturbed him. Blue Diamond had not been exaggerating when she said Homeworld needed closure – _this_ frightening display was proof enough of that. Sadly, his last memory of Jasper floated to his mind, the words and hurt on her face causing his eyes to burn with feeling.

_I’ve been fighting from the second I broke free of Earth’s crust… because of what YOU did to my Diamond! **Your** Diamond! **PINK** Diamond!_

If that was just a glimpse into the sanity-destroying torture that plagued those who loved Pink Diamond, then it was no surprise that the price of their closure, their exoneration, was to be paid in blood and shards.

What Steven _hadn’t_ expected was the amount of shards this debt would require.

White Diamond stood now, and a silence fell across all of Homeworld. The only sound for miles was the panic of Steven’s human heart – it echoed through his empty body like a fractured metronome; still keeping time, the tempo getting faster, but fit to fall apart at any moment. Even Yellow Diamond looked alarmed by her sudden change in posture, a white hand gesturing for her to take a seat in a yellow throne that appeared with the flick of her wrist.

Steven had scooted carefully to face her, to look away from the mass of gems that practically begged for him to die, alarmed and oddly curious at what she might have to say.

“I…” she started, a tension so thick it might have suffocated them all if they needed to breathe.

“Would like you to all join me in sending off this _mistake_ , scouring the whole infected vein of Quartz from our society.”

Steven’s lungs started hurting, each breath sharp against his windpipe as she swept a hand across the horizon, each finger intent and lethal in the graceful motion. As her hand traced the sky, bubbles started to appear, to float gently above the stunned audience. Each one of them contained a sparkling pink gemstone – a Rose Quartz – locked safely away behind their fragile barrier.

The realization made him feel nauseous, a sort of shock that rocked him the same way he felt when he caught up with Opalite’s disturbing desires.

_They’re going to shatter them all._

Do gems even have genocide? If they never had genocide before, that’s what was about to happen – an entire class of gem, to be smashed just like the Jasper under his, their, Opalite’s, feet.

He had tried, he had really, _really_ tried to steel his heart at his imminent fate, but this was about to mean the death of hundreds, if not thousands, of gems. It really shouldn’t have surprised him as he felt a horrified sob rise in his throat. White Diamond had demonstrated exactly how cruel she could be on multiple occasions, but this was just unprecedented.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying not to look, expecting the carnage to start any moment, but the world fell silent once again. As he peeked behind his lids, Steven joined the rest of Homeworld in a deadened stillness.

A fearsome, petrifying saber emblazoned by a familiar yellow energy pierced White Diamond through the chest; Yellow Diamond stood behind her, face carved in stone. The usually chilling tyrant had an innocuous look on her face, eyes wide and hands shaking, looking down at the end of the blade protruding through her own torso.

A dark pause, an infinite moment of disbelief, and then…

_Poof._

 

* * *

 

A glittering white gemstone clinked to the base of the platform and rolled to a stop. Everyone continued to stare, wondering if this was some sort of disturbing joke. But no – there was no punch line, only another swift turn of Yellow Diamond’s blade as it penetrated the delicate shining surface of the stone at her feet. Dust and fragments exploded from the point of impact, leaving nothing but a crater and a small pile of iridescent shards.

Connie, Amethyst and Ruby all sat with their mouths agape in a totally stunned silence, and Sapphire turned her head away, eye closed tight in shock.

“Well… it seems things are getting out of hand. Just a moment,” Blue Diamond stood up, not a trace of disbelief lining her pretty face, and walked to the wall behind her throne. Raising a hand, it opened to reveal the world beyond, the Center far away from their exact location, but near enough that she could spot the disturbed mob far in the horizon, still quiet in amazement.

She lifted a hand in a sweeping movement in their direction, her face focused and the gemstone on her chest glowing bright blue.

The group of detainees looked from her to the screen in wonder as the silence started to break, expecting shouts of anger only to be horrified at the cheers of celebration. Sapphire recognized this, watching the crowd turned from overwrought to overjoyed as an extension of Blue Diamond’s frightening pathokinesis. It was alarming in a million different ways, watching as the group began to cheer in wonder at Yellow Diamond’s accomplishment.

Connie was squinting at the image as she watched the shock turn to fear in Steven’s expression – it was a far off angle, but still, she could read the terror written plain as day across his face. She wanted to rub her eyes, or pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, but her hands were bound by an annoying soldier behind her back. Then, in another quick flash, the world on the other side of the screen turned into chaos.

With an outward spread of her hands, Yellow Diamond burst all of the bubbles suspended above the ground with tiny jolts of energy, and for a few seconds, it was raining Rose Quartz gemstones from above. The incensed, maddened crowd took to the defenseless Quartz gemstones like they were lamb to the slaughter.

Many of the pink gemstones didn’t even have time to reform before they were ravaged by the mob. Too fascinated and petrified to look away, Connie felt the urge to vomit as the sky itself turned pink with dust, some Rose Quartz having only enough time to scream before they were torn down the moment they reformed, and quickly the entire scene was obscured from the screen’s view in a blizzard of pink shards, dust, and smoke.

Amethyst gasped wretchedly, strong enough to make her almost choke “ _Steven!_ ”

They all immediately turned their attention to the hovering platform, barely visible above the rolling pink fog, only to find it empty. He was gone.


	29. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people are reunited for the first time in awhile, but not under the best circumstances.

Connie felt like her heart would explode as she turned her head away, face screwed up in pain as thousands of dangerously animated Homeworld gems smashed and laughed through the pink carnage. The screen was bright and loud, filling the room and her brain with disturbing images. Most of the Rose Quartz were shattered before they even hit the ground, but a few unlucky ones stood in the madness, pink curls cascading around their pretty faces only to be ripped apart, screaming and pushing helplessly when weapons and hands started to pull them apart. It was like watching a horrible movie with zombies, a lone human in the middle getting ravaged by the mindless force of bloodlust.

The others weren’t much better off, Blue Diamond returning to her seat and watching the pain break over all of them. Not only was Steven gone, presumably thrown into the chaos below, his own gemstone turned to pink dust, but they hadn’t even been paying enough attention to know for sure. When Amethyst called their attention to the screen, he had already been gone, yellow chains hanging from the sides of the platform.

The dozen soldiers in the room were laughing at their expense, enjoying the strained silence. Blue Diamond’s face was a perfect mask of disquiet, not an ounce of believable sadness present.

“Such a _tragedy_. I can’t _believe_ Yellow would do something like that.” The Crystal Gems just looked at her, disturbed. Had she seriously gone mad? Did she plan this from the beginning, were her and Yellow Diamond working together? Why did she want them to watch this?

Blue Diamond just reclined in her seat, holding her head in an open palm, lazily admiring the petrified faces at her feet. There need only be three more and her collection would be complete.

As if on cue, Heliodor walked through the door. “My Diamond.” She saluted respectfully and entered the room, alone.

“Where are the others?” Her voice was sharp, the displeasure on her face dangerous. Her Heliodor had never failed to capture a target – indeed, that was their purpose, and if a gem was unable to meet their assigned task...

The orange gem walked forward in the room, her posture straight but body language radiating with shame, kneeling at her feet. “Forgive me, my most respected Diamond. My abilities… I believe they are being disturbed by the emotional, erm, unrest across Homeworld. The Pearl and Lapis Lazuli were not where the Sapphire’s predicted, and I cannot tap into their sentiments. There is too much chaos. As for the Peridot, I do not think she ever made it off the ship. I have not felt any remnant of her wavelength since the crash, and her kind typically do not take this long to reform.”

There was a long silence following the speech. Blue Diamond’s face was distrusting, eyes narrowed into slits, the air foreboding as Heliodor remained frozen at her feet. The four Crystal Gems were exchanging desperate looks, tears still staining many of their cheeks, frantic mixed with relief that Lapis and Pearl were safe. It hurt to hear about Peridot, but none of them were exactly surprised… The last time they had seen her was a horrible image, her tiny form impaled by a beam, and things must have only gotten worse when they were ejected from the ship.

No one spoke, waiting, expecting Blue Diamond to punish or forgive, but her mind was elsewhere. “Pearl, call Yellow. Use the direct diamond communication channel.”

The wisp of blue that was her Pearl, off to one side of the chair, bowed her head.

“At once, My Diamond. I will retrieve the channel.” She exited through a nearby wall, a new door that hadn’t been used by the others.

The captured force sat there, quiet, waiting, unsure what would happen next. They were all, in their own way, lost in their memories.

Amethyst was angry and hurt, grinding her teeth together to stop herself from yelling. She wanted to rage and scream at everyone, for letting this happen, for Holly Blue Agate, for the Famethyst, for Steven, for Peridot, but she didn’t want the others to be killed for her temper. It took every ounce of control to sit there, shaking from emotion, but quiet.

_And Amethyst… Tell her I’m so, so sorry. She’ll understand someday. I just…can’t._

It was Steven’s voice from Pearl’s dream, remembering the way he flinched when he said her name, the way a tiny piece of her heart died the first time, wondering what he meant. Now, the rest of her heart had caught up, shattering in realization. It was the Famethyst, he was apologizing...

“Tsck.” She had to physically bite her tongue to stop from crying, wanting to reach through her memory and shake him.

_Steven, it’s not your fault! You didn’t mean to, it was Holly Blue, I know you never wanted to hurt anyone… I’m sorry this happened to you, I’m sorry it happened to them, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. It’s not your fault…_

Connie was having a bit more trouble steeling herself, thinking about Peridot and Steven and the loss swelled in her chest. The surprising bonding moment she and the green gem played in her head, making a sob rise in her throat.

_When you love someone, you just try to put the pain to the side. Use it as fuel rather than dead weight. It’s not that it’s gone, but it’s not as important as the way you feel about them._

She still believed her own words, but this was different. This wasn’t _missing_ them, this was _mourning_ them. They were both dead – all of the love she had felt for him, that she never told him, dying with him in that suffocating pink cloud halfway across Homeworld. He was her first and best friend; what good was jam without a supportive, strong carrier? Just sweet nothing, wasted on the end of a blade that would never amount to anything.

And Sapphire and Ruby had a particularly difficult struggle, not only dealing with their loss but unable to reach the comfort of each other’s arms, worried that the other might be shattered, that they would have to go on existing an incomplete life without each other… They had failed themselves, Peridot, Rose, Steven... And now, they had failed Connie and Amethyst, bound to Sapphire’s left, at the mercy of this pathological tyrant, shatterer, murderer.

Blue Diamond had grown tired of waiting for Pearl, and reentered her neurotic harangue.

“Heliodor, rise. I will address your failures at a later time. If you wish to regain my favor, start by restraining the girl and the Ruby. All of you,” she gestured towards the Quartz soldiers, who stood at attention. “Leave us. I must speak privately with Yellow Diamond.”

Raising long blue fingers, she waved her hand towards the door, the command not leaving room for debate. Heliodor saluted and bowed very low, a show of gratitude for being, and moved to relieve the Quartz restraining Ruby. Then, in her iron grip, she walked to Connie and laced her long fingers into a vice around the human girl’s hands.

Blue Diamond raised an eyebrow towards her Agate, who looked nervous and fidgety. “Agate, if you would, keep an eye on the rebels.” Her voice was gentle and lethal, reminding Connie of those horror movies with creepy dolls. It was just _too_ pretty, _too_ knowing, _too_ trustworthy. The whole thing made Connie feel sick, the way she smiled at them affectionately, like she was just caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, when in fact she had been orchestrating this whole show.

Holly Blue Agate bowed, looking relieved to have a task, and hastily made her way behind Heliodor. Simultaneously, a sinewy blue figure appeared across the room through an opening in the wall, cradling a device a bit larger than a baseball. It was blue and delicate, reflecting the light in the room in a mesmerizing sort of way.

Eyeing them carefully, the blue terror examined their struggling faces as she lowered her hand to her Pearl, taking what could only be the communicator she requested. They were all squirming between anger, fear, hatred, sadness, guilt and loss.

_Good._

Lifting the communicator to her face, Blue Diamond cast a final sweeping gaze over the rebels and examined the device in her hands. It took so much of her patience not to crush them now, one by one with nothing but her finger, but she had worked too hard to get to this. Her revenge was _almost_ complete, so close, so Blue closed her eyes for a moment to calm the rage within her.

_It will all be over soon, Pink. I’ll give you the peace you deserve._

As the blue contraption buzzed lightly to life, Blue Diamond stood from her throne and faced away from them – it was not a move of privacy, but rather of authority. She had them so completely at her disposal that she need not even watch them herself.

Quietly, very quietly, Heliodor breathed into Connie’s ear. It sent shivers up her spine, but this time the words did not make her faint.

“ _When she angers, escape_.” The grip on her hands loosened ever so slightly, and Connie’s eyes went wide.

Why was this terrifying, loyal servant of Blue Diamond offering them a chance to get away? Was it a trick? She eyed Amethyst to her right and Ruby to her left nervously, but neither of them had heard the message. In a way, she wasn’t entirely sure she had heard it herself, but the grip on her hands loosened just a tiny bit more.

_The message was intended for only me… why? This doesn’t feel right, but…_

Connie bit her lip, looking between Blue Diamond, who now gazed into a large screen opposite of the yellow Pearl from the broadcast, the others, and Rose’s sword in front of the unoccupied blue throne. If she was going to try it, should she go for the sword? Just grab the others and run? Where? The exit? The door Pearl had come through? Her mind was spinning with questions she couldn’t ask, but her hands had started to sweat nervously as she thought about the possibilities.

Tuning back into the conversation, Yellow Diamond had just appeared on the other end of the channel. “The Pearl and Lapis Lazuli are still amiss?” She sounded less than pleased.

Blue Diamond shot a quick lash of anger towards her Heliodor for having failed, but returned her gaze to her fellow Diamond. “Yes, I’m afraid the tumult of the execution has disturbed my Heliodor’s ability to tap into their emotional sentiments. No matter, they will turn up eventually. They cannot hide forever.”’

Yellow Diamond raised a hand to her chin, thinking. “Then there is the Peridot, but…” she seemed to reach the same conclusion as the others.

Her tone flickering with mischief, Yellow Diamond’s eyes lit up as she looked at Blue Diamond. “Your emissary was on time. In fact, she should be returning to me at any moment. I shall come to you when they arrive.”

Blue nodded her head, saying nothing. Yellow continued, her tone darkening.

“And the traitors?”

At that, Blue Diamond gave her a small smile and turned perpendicular to the screen, unblocking the authoritative yellow visage from the Crystal Gem’s view.

The look on her face made them all writhe with anger and hatred and passion, thinking of how she touted Steven around like a trophy, like a prize… How they made him watch the murder of White Diamond, used him as a tool for their own plot. At least for Connie, she had to bite the inside of her gums to keep herself from hissing, but the feeling seemed to radiate from all of them.

Blue Diamond found that amusing.

“Oh, Yellow, they are _very_ unhappy with you. Especially my little Ruby, but they aren’t exactly known for their temperance, now, are they?” Ruby was mashing her teeth together so forcefully that her mouth was drawn open, making her look like a restrained animal, but it’s not like the others could blame her. She looked about as mad as they felt.

Another infinitesimal ounce of pressure was relieved from Connie’s wrist, enough that she could slightly rotate her hands to ease out some of the tension in her uncomfortable hold.

_She really is going to let me go..._

Yellow Diamond spoke up then. “Very good. But that does make me wonder – have you conferred with your Sapphire’s since, Blue? I would like to keep a closer eye on the future… things may be changing quickly.”

Blue Diamond looked at her Pearl and gave her a nod, and the obedient blue gem retreated from the room through the same private exit.

“Ah – wait, just a… Wait, where are they?” Yellow Diamond was looking at something off screen, and it sounded like Yellow Pearl was speaking low in the background. The others were anxious to know what was happening, eyes and ears straining, watching Yellow Diamond’s face grow from confused to fiercely angry.

Another ounce of force loosened from Connie’s wrist. She nudged over carefully to Amethyst, feigning resting her head on her shoulder.

In a low exhale, Connie barely breathed out the words. “ _Escape, soon. Tell Saph.”_

Holly Blue clicked her heels against the ground, causing Connie to snap upright. Had she been heard? Was it too obvious? The orange gem’s grip and composure did not falter, however, so Connie took that as a good sign. It was a long shot, putting so much trust in someone so enigmatic, but they were out of options.

Now Yellow Diamond was really raging on the other side of the screen, but Blue Diamond’s face was a mask of calm, unreadable. “What is it, Yellow?”

Her nostrils flared while her eyebrows knit together, talking to someone off screen.

“ _…go and, --_ Blue. Something’s wrong. My escort, the one’s I sent to meet them, they’re _gone_.” Each word made her yellow face grow darker with ire, but the occupants of the blue room just looked confused.

Now Blue Diamond’s poise was shaken. “What do you mean they’re _gone_? There is no future where either of them made to escape. The Sapphire’s will be here soon, but _you must – wah?_ ”

With a sudden tight squeeze followed by a complete release, Heliodor freed Connie’s hands and took sudden flight, scaling Blue Diamond’s throne, lunging forward, and kicked the communicator from her hand, smashing it into a wall. Too surprised to react quickly, Blue Diamond clenched her fist tightly but it was a moment too late – Heliodor was already bounding down towards the floor. Connie had made a mad rush for Rose’s sword, while Amethyst tripped Holly Blue as she made to grab the human girl from behind. Going sprawling, Holly Blue cursed her hatred for Amethyst’s to the stars above, but Ruby quickly kicked her in the mouth and bounded over to Sapphire; it was a _very_ satisfying moment for the little red gem. They touched foreheads but couldn’t fuse, eyes desperate and saddened at the realization – Sapphire’s bracelet, the same one blocking her powers, prevented them from fusing.

“ _Enough!”_ Blue Diamond’s voice demanded order in the room, but Heliodor was already two steps ahead, tucking Ruby and Sapphire under each of her arms and propelling herself towards the exit the Pearl had used. Connie used this as a signal to follow and Amethyst was already making a mad dash after them as Blue Diamond’s hand came down to snatch her. Luckily, the purple gem was able to use her stature to her advantage, ducking low before the malevolent grasp could reach her. Connie almost made pace with Amethyst but they both were sent sprawling across the ground, skidding painfully across the floor as the metal began to warp and twist unnaturally under Blue Diamond’s command.

“Connie!” It was Ruby, squirming in Heliodor’s grasp from the doorway, the orange, blue and red gem watching Holly Blue approach her and plant a heel painfully into her back. Heliodor grimaced as she watched the Agate grabbed Connie’s long braid and jerk her head up painfully, taking Rose’s sword from her with her other hand.

With her arms bound, Amethyst could only watch as Blue Diamond began to laugh.

“Yes, good, kill the girl. She is just one extra, it makes no difference.” Holly Blue grinned wickedly at the order, holding the blade up as she yanked harder on Connie’s plait. It made her squeeze her eyes in pain and suck in a breath at the sudden motion, feeling cold pink metal against her throat.

_No… Not like this…_

“Finally, you humans are so intolerable. I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

Amethyst was stumbling towards them but the warped floor was impossible for her to traverse without being able to use her hands for leverage, and Heliodor had Ruby and Sapphire locked in her arms and made no move to save her; the orange gem might have wanted to, but it would be at the cost of at least two lives for the girl’s one. All she could do was watch as Holly Blue tensed her arm, pulling Connie’s head a bit higher and planting her foot a bit more firmly into the girl’s back, wanting all of the onlookers to watch the blood spill from her pretty brown neck.

Connie held her breath as she felt Rose’s sword start to move, tensed her shoulders and with all of the strength she had slammed her head forward, painfully bruising her own forehead, but the sudden movement had worked.

Staggering backwards with reverse momentum, Holly Blue still grabbed onto Connie’s plait, but it no longer grabbed onto Connie; the quick change of force had redirected length of the blade to the base of her hair rather than along the skin of her throat. Without missing a beat, Connie raised herself to a push-up, kicked out Holly Blue’s leg behind her and spun sideways to avoid being stabbed from above. A well-timed elbow to the blue gem’s stomach sent her teetering backwards, but before she fell, Connie grabbed her by the wrist and smiled.

“I believe that’s _mine._ ” Using her nimble fingers, Connie untwisted Holly Blue’s bulky grasp from the hilt before returning the blade to her own comfortable grip.

Amethyst whooped as she ducked behind a piece of swelling floor to avoid being smashed from above by Blue Diamond, who was so enraged the room itself began to become angry, the floor waving, wobbling and rippling in unnatural patterns.

Connie was able to roll and leap her way to Amethyst, slightly aware of the tickle on her shoulder as her newly chopped hair danced along her neck. “C’mon!”

Grabbing the purple gem from by the arm, Connie and Amethyst staggered and tumbled their way closer to the door.

Ruby and Sapphire had been set down on their own two feet, holding each other but looking relieved that Connie made it away with Rose’s sword and nothing but a hair-cut, but Heliodor did not look pleased at the chaos in the room. If they didn’t leave now, they wouldn’t be able to go at all.

“Ugh, why can nothing be simple with you all?” Her question wasn’t directed at anyone, although Ruby looked offended. Before the red gem had time to retort her comment, Heliodor zoomed into the room and grabbed them both in a similar fashion, easily leaping over the swirling metal.

Blue Diamond had reached the point of rage that she had turned completely irate, screaming at the orange gem as she made off with two prisoners towards her private entrance.

“ _You will be **shattered** for this! You cannot run from me!”_

But her last word came just a moment too late, the door latching shut with an echoing slam. Heliodor unceremoniously spilled Connie and Amethyst in a pile on the ground as she turned to the door and started typing into a panel. A large red “x” appeared on as the four watched her lithe fingers glide across the screen – and then, a moment later, a loud blaring and red flashing filled the hallway, followed by a loud _click_ and the sound of compressing air.

Covering her ears, Ruby yelled at Heliodor. “Just what’s the big idea, what is your _deal?_ ”

Heliodor scowled at her, obviously annoyed. “I just saved you. This,” she gestured at the flashing light. “Signals a district-wide emergency. It won’t buy us much time but all facilities lock from within to secure the area. We need to move, quickly, before the alarm is disabled.”

She strode past them matter-of-factly, not bothering to acknowledge their stunned expressions as she marched down the hallway. There was only one thing left to take care of, and she was very close. Very, very close.

 

* * *

 

 

Everything had changed so quickly that Steven wasn’t entirely sure if he was awake or dreaming, living or dead. One moment, he was chained to a platform, expecting to die any second, only for the world to turn from pink to yellow to black. His chest had started to ache like he had been the one stabbed, so he thought the blackness had meant death, too, but then after a while his eyes focused on an oddly familiar face, one of the last one’s he expected to see right now.

“D— _Dani?_ What’s… going on?” She was holding him like a baby in her white arms, which felt a bit weird with her limb enhancers, grimacing with her eyes obscured behind her visitor. She was looking straight ahead, not at him, not at anything, trying to remember her assignment.

She glanced around them, behind her shoulder, and then looked forward again. Her voice was low, urgent. “Do you remember what happened?”

Now Steven frowned, his brows furrowed in concentration. There _was_ a gap, now that he thought about it – how did he end up _here_ , with her, alone? Where were they going?

“…There was Yellow Diamond, and the… crowds… and the Rose Quartz gems…” He gasped, remembering.

“ _White Diamond!”_ Steven’s eyes grew huge and his breathing became short, his esophagus fighting the urge to vomit. Danburite didn’t stop him like she used to, letting him rise through his panic. She had expected he would need a moment to catch up.

What… had just happened? Steven didn’t necessarily _like_ White Diamond, but she had given him answers to things about himself he had never known. She had given him clothes and water to clean himself and regular meals – as far as his time being a prisoner, there wasn’t too much to complain about. Sure, she was absolutely terrifying to speak to and she could literally control his body, but, there was something about her that he couldn’t explain that he respected. From the beginning, she could have just forced him to do whatever she wanted, Steven thought as he examined the white scars on his arm. There was no reason to give him agency, to talk to him, to bother to show him Yellow Diamond’s exit hole… but she did. It was like she wanted him to know _why_ she wanted such malign things, _why_ she needed him specifically, _why_ their re-animations had failed. There were so many more questions he would have liked to ask her, but now she was dead.

And Yellow Diamond? And the _crowds?_ What _was_ that? After the mourning loss of Pink Diamond, Steven expected an angry mob, but they had seem absolutely overjoyed that White Diamond had been shattered. He shivered at the thought, disturbed and confused, remembering the rabid faces of a million gems reaching and tearing at pink gemstones as they fell from the sky.

After several minutes of a stressful silence and Steven’s breathing not getting any better, Danburite had started to grow genuinely concerned

“Are you okay?” Her usually flat voice was just a tad softer, and she tried to give him a reassuring smile. Both things felt wrong, but she did it anyways.

 “I – wait, are _you_ okay? I heard what happened, at the base – I can’t believe you did that!” His eyes sparkled just a tiny bit, realizing that she wasn’t being mean or punishing him; she was holding him like Pearl or Garnet. It was a comforting feeling, an action of caring, of trust. She had helped him, not once, not twice, but now a third time, and he was so relieved to see she hadn’t been hurt because of it.

Her smile faded, replaced by a thin line that looked nervous and guilty. Danburite wasn’t exactly proud of trying to sabotage his friends, and then her own people, but she was really confused and just trying her best to follow orders without stepping too far out of line.

One of her little white fingers flew away from supporting his side and rose to her face, pulling her visor away. Her eyes were hard, sad, and shockingly beautiful. Steven had never seen her face fully before, and her eyes were an amazing shimmery blue, like the ocean on a sunny day. Such a simple act of transparency in this maelstrom of madness made Steven forget about the destruction and chaos raging around him for just a moment.

“Half-human… I, we, don’t have much time. After… Yellow Diamond brought you to me, here,” she gestured around at the ceiling, which was the same shade of soft yellow as everything else owned by the Diamond of the same name.

“I was to make sure you did not die, and then bring you back to her. I didn’t want…” she lowered her eyes, unable to look at him. “Forgive me, child, you are very sweet, not like the human children when they are reared at the Zoo. You were unconscious, and I gave you a supplement to wade off the malnutrition, but…”

Danburite’s voice was the epithet of conflict, pulling at her heart as she quickly strode down hallway after hallway. It was obvious that she was being sincere, that she was only trying to help, but the way her voice trailed off spoke volumes.

_I should have let you die – it would have been a better fate than this._

Steven sighed, closed his eyes and released a half-hearted chuckle.

“It’s okay. I get it. Thank y-you, I mean it.” He stopped and coughed, then continued. “I wouldn’t want you to _not_ do what you’re supposed to do for my sake, you could get in a lot of trouble. And… you never had to be nice about any of this, so thank you.”

Steven opened his eyes after a pause, and Danburite was looking down at him with an odd expression on her face – blank, but she looked like she wanted to say something else. He gave her a small smile, trying to let her know he didn’t blame her for any of this – honestly, he didn’t blame anyone but himself.

Her pace slowed to a walk, eyes searching his tired face. She never wanted to be a part of this, just to remain a dutiful maintenance gem, her attention consumed by her research of the humans. She was content to continually to respect Homeworld from a distance; it was never supposed to turn into this. First, there was the child, who she was only told needed to stay alive in her infirmary, who treated her like a friend, who said he just wanted to protect everyone. Then, there were the intruders, who just wanted to help _him_ , but Danburite knew they weren’t supposed to be there. Her Diamond had warned her they might come, but she did not receive military back-up – if the intruders hadn’t shown compassion, she would have easily been killed.

And even after she sent them away, when she tried to do one thing right by the child, they came back anyways, determined to save him, too irresponsible and stubborn for their own good. Danburite had acted as conspirator then, trapping the Quartz sent to protect her and the humans, and freeing the blue and green rebels. Instead of using the opportunity to flee like she had hoped, she had come back later to find the room mangled and empty. All of the soldiers had been destabilized and the child’s protectors had fled with the Hand Ship.

Oh how she had hoped that was going to be the end of things – that her conscious would rest knowing she had tried to do the right thing, twice, at the risk of her own life and status. And then there was another message, urgent, directly from Blue Diamond herself.

_My Danburite, you have worked with the hybrid child, you know his needs?_

_Yes, my Diamond, he is not unlike the other humans, but his gemstone also sustains his life force. They work in symbiotic harmony. If I may, my Diamond, it is quite a marvel of physiology._

_Yes, very good, but I have need of you again. I am sorry to take you from the work you do, but I need you to come to Homeworld at once. You are the only one who knows the hybrid’s needs enough to keep him from dying, and I am afraid he is close to death once again. You will need to be here as soon as you can._

_Yes, my Diamond, of course. I will leave right away._

_Excellent. Yellow Diamond will be waiting for you in her Research and Development district. It should have some supplies for you, but bring anything easily transportable that might be helpful._

The transmission had ended then, but her brain had started to pick up speed. Not only was she leaving the comfort of her home and her work, but she was back in _this_ again. It was just an unfortunate turn of fate that she was the one Danburite to work with humans, to study and understand them, and it landed her here, with the half-human child. But, in spite of her allegiance, her duty to keep him alive only so he could meet a more painful end, he was being nothing but kind to her once again. She was literally escorting him to his death, and he still treating her like a friend.

_Why?_

Steven was looking up at her, concerned and a bit uncomfortable as she stared at him. He untangled his newly-bandaged arm, the bloody tatters of his shirt replaced by a real bandage, and shook her arm gently.

“Dani? Are you okay? I can probably walk if you need me to…”

That was enough to bring her back to reality, puzzled and distressed as her eyes refocused on his innocent face. He looked so exhausted, pale and weak… He didn’t deserve this.

Returning her visor to her eyes, she let her mouth fall to a frown and came to a stop completely.

“It’s… Steven – that’s your given name, right?” Her monotone had become a barely audible whisper.

The bags under his eyes lifted slightly, his mouth turning up in a small show of happiness.

“Yeah, it is. And I guess I never asked if it was okay to call you Dani, I just sort of assumed. Sorry.”

Pressing her lips together tightly, Danburite couldn’t stand it anymore. This just wasn’t fair to him, to her, to anyone. She had heard the rumors of Rose Quartz and the rebellion and all of the lost lives. But this was just a child, not an ounce of cruelty in his body.

“No,” she said. “Don’t be. I like it.” She gave him a quick grin, an odd expression for her, but it also felt right.

Looking behind her shoulder again as they stood in the yellow hallway, Danburite cradled him a little closer. “Steven, listen. I can get you out. All of you – the others too, if we can find them. Is that what you want?”

His face darkened when she said, looking away from her. Steven wasn’t able to see her eyes anymore behind her visor, but he wasn’t concerned about her trying to deceive him.

“It’s… more complicated than that. I don’t want you, or them, or anyone else to die. Blue Diamond promised me that if I took responsibility for what my mom did, if I offered Homeworld closure, she would leave the others and the Earth alone. Do you…understand? I can’t go, even if I want to.”

Danburite was thoughtful, ready to suggest something when a sudden voice made them both jump.

“Going so soon?”

Both of them stared wide-eyed ahead of them, an unexpected disturbance appearing in their yellow sea.

There were two Quartz soldiers, faces hardened and serious, and another, more familiar gem stood in between them. Both of them knew her, and both of them recoiled at the smile on her face.

 

* * *

 

Lapis fidgeted nervously, rubbing her arm, tucking and re-tucking a section of hair behind her ear, looking into the small light above. Sitting to her left was Pearl, back up against the wall and head in her knees.

“I don’t know about this…” The blue gem didn’t find Pearl’s dejected attitude very reassuring.

Pearl did not look up or respond to her query, so Lapis sighed and sat opposite to her at the bottom of the hole.

Lapis gazed at her counterpart carefully, unsure of what to do. Sitting here, waiting, felt worthless, but what choice did they have? They had followed that Heliodor through the warp pad and was told to wait here, in the bottom of a hole twenty feet below the ground? It didn’t make any sense, and then there was the Homeworld Peridot _again_ , tinkering with something and muttering to herself, surrounded by flask robonoids that idly waited for her command. Perhaps worst of all, there was the pressing darkness that surrounded them, the only way out a soft light from above. It was claustrophobic, and Pearl’s company did little to help ease her worries.

They both winced as an unexpected muttering broke their meditative silence, Peridot looming above the hole nearby.

“… _stupid_ , useless…” They heard metal make contact with metal, and the blue and white gem jumped as a single robonoid went flying down into the dirt next to them. They exchanged a look, and then returned to their private thoughts in silence.

Eventually, voiced one of her nagging thoughts with her eyes closed in concetration.

“Why do you think we’re _here_? Like, right here, why this hole?” the blue gem asked. There was no response, so she opened her eyes and focused on the gem across from her.

“Pearl?”

“It doesn’t matter, Lapis.” Pearl’s voice sounded… mean, almost sinister. Why was she acting like this? They had both agreed to go through the warp pad, and now it felt like Pearl was just punishing her for this. Lapis grimaced and said nothing, choosing to brood rather than be wrongfully blamed for something she had no control over again.

For her part, Pearl wasn’t intending to be so harsh, but her soul had turned bitter. She hadn’t been to this place in a very, very long time, and every memory she’s had here were bad ones. There was no way this was an accident, that Heliodor felt the best place to hide them was _here_ , in an exit hole deep in the caverns of a Homeworld Kindergarten. The whole thing felt wrong, invasive, staged, but she was on her last nerve. Every piece of her resolve had been spent.

Pearl sighed and raised her head, face tired and eyes dull. “I’m sorry, Lapis. I just… I know this is our last shot, but what if it fails? What if he…” but as the tears began to well in her eyes, she heard voices coming from above. It sounded like, but no, it couldn’t…

“…it was _sick_ , I’m serious. And plus you got this sweet new do out of it? Makes me almost wish I had short hair again.” It was Amethyst, laughing, and it sounded like Connie, too. High above the ground, the others were nearby, and Lapis and Pearl stared at each other with wide eyes before bursting into activity.

“ _Connie? Amethyst?”_

Silence.

“ _PEARL?”_

_“Where are you guys? We’re down here, hurry, follow our voices!”_

Scuttling footsteps, then silence again. A new voice, too far away for Lapis and Pearl to make out the words entered the conversation. It was the same Heliodor, they both could tell – there was no mistaking that bone-chilling tone.

Garnet peered her head over the hole first, her hair casting a long shadow into the already dark hole, but Pearl’s eyes welled with happy tears and Lapis gasped in excitement.

“Yes! I can’t believe it! Are you alright?” Pearl shouted upwards, so pleased to see them, so relieved they hadn’t been hurt or killed.

Amethyst laughed when she looked down at them. “What’s with your _hair_ , Pearl? It’s like you and Connie decided to switch styles!”

The girl in question was beaming down at the two, though her face was cast in darkness from the weak light above. It was still so heartwarming to for both of them to see recognizing the outline of her, alive.

“Why are you in a _hole_ anyways?” The purple gem turned to Heliodor, lifting her head from over the side of the hole, but she did not get the answer she wanted.

Instead, the three of them were pushed over the side and fell brusquely on top of Lapis and Pearl, all of them shouting at the sudden pushing and shoving of bodies.

Connie was the only one to see it, having landed the softest on top of Garnet’s head, but the outline of Heliodor was etched clearly at the top of her vision.

The orange gem gave them all a hard stare, typed into a panel that she retrieved from out of sight, and a solid plane of metal appeared above them. It was mysterious, green metal – translucent, but the shifting and beeping of the robonoids became completely silent.

The hole was big, but certainly not large enough to accommodate two regular sized gem, a fusion, a human and their Amethyst, all of whom were smashed together in awkward angles. Besides a thin film of green that settled over all of their faces, it had become very dark, just adding to the claustrophobia. Confused and afraid, many of them started yelling and shoving as they knocked into each other painfully, only making the whole thing worse.

Garnet summoned her gauntlets and punched through some of the dirt around them, giving them a little bit of breathing room. Pearl’s gem cast a soft white light over four angry, hurt faces, all of them acting a little less frantic as they had space to move. Lapis had a deadly expression of her own, flying up to the surface and pushing against the surface. Had she seen it coming, Pearl or Garnet would have stopped her.

“Don't bother, Lapis – it’s lutetium. Aristocratic metal, reserved specifically for restricted access technology. It’s nearly indestructible.” The white gem had returned to her spot against a wall, slinking down to her feet and burying her head in her knees. The others exchanged looks, confused and surprised by Pearl’s sudden misery.

She could sense their eyes on her. “I… can’t explain it. But this is really, really bad. Something’s wrong, I can just feel it…” Lapis was still hovering just below the metal, her hand resting ruefully against the cold surface, wishing she could will her way through it. Perhaps the worst quality of the mysterious surface was that it really _looked_ like she could phase through it, more of a veil than a metal, supple and translucent. She could see some of the world outside, but it was so dark that she doubted the world could see her. If only she had Peridot… They could be Prehnite again, bend the metal to their will…

Looking at the dark outline of her hand against the world above, she gasped when a foot stepped right above her, causing an echo below. There was a voice, too, so Lapis urged the others to be quiet and pressed her ear against the barrier.


	30. Feeling Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven finds himself at the crossroads of life, death, love, and birth. But he is still far, far away from the planet Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written as part of a special two-part release in celebration of reaching this huge milestone - for the story as a whole, and particularly, for reaching this critical moment in the plot. Please be sure to read Chapters 30 and 31 as a pair.

This was not going to be the way things ended – Blue would make sure of that.

Never had she been so furious. Her Pearl returned once the alarms were disabled with two terrified Sapphires in tow – the doppelgangers of the blue gem that had just escaped her nearly sent Blue into a murderous rampage, slamming her fist against the back of her throne.

Her Pearl was difficult to read with her eyes hidden, but she was quivering in the presence of Blue’s wrath. “We are going to see Yellow. At once. Sapphires, give me reports as we go.”

They advanced down her personal hallway, Blue’s eyes flaring as she listened to her Sapphire’s incompetency.

Their voices were steadfast, but hinted just the slightest at anger; Blue assumed that was a product of her own radiating emotion, so she dismissed it. “There is little to be seen, My Diamond. When we look for the hybrid child, there is only static. Something is… wrong, blocking our vision. We can see other things, though. The Pursuant – um, the _traitorous_ Pursuant – she flees to the Kindergarten that gave rise to the glorious Yellow Diamond.”

That was not a satisfactory response. “What about the other traitors? Where is my Danburite?”

Hurrying to keep up with Blue Diamond’s strides, the two Sapphires glanced nervously at each other behind their bangs. “I – we, don’t know for sure – things are jumbled. Our apologies, our most lustrous Diamond,” one of them said.

“We see only flashes… The human girl will lie dead; the defective Amethyst will be shattered; the Lapis Lazuli is untraceable, possibly dead. The fusion… she is too volatile. There are many futures where they unfuse, and each of those branch out exponentially into possibilities… The Danburite… she is enveloped in static, just like the child.”

Blue Diamond pressed her lips together, her attitude oscillating from anger to cataclysmic fury. The plan she had forged to with Yellow would not be dark enough, would not be cruel or malefic enough for making a fool of her. They were going to suffer, and she was going to enjoy it.

Her Pearl opened another passageway, and they reached the warp pad. Blue closed her eyes and she, along with Pearl and the two Sapphires were whipped into a cold stream of light, only to rematerialize feet away from Yellow Diamond.

About to ascend the warp pad herself, Yellow withdrew her boot from above the stone surface and took a step back, watching Blue’s corporeal form emerge from the stream, followed by some of her orderlies.

“Blue.” Her voice was soft, relieved she had not been harmed, but the emotion was quickly replaced by her anger.

“Yellow.” She bowed her head in greeting, but pulled her hood up to hide her frustration.

“All of you, leave us,” Yellow gestured towards her Pearl and the small gems surrounding Blue as she led her off the pad. Offering her large hand, Blue accepted and they stood in the massive warp chamber as the others scurried towards the door. They were completely alone.

“Blue, what happened?” Yellow tried to repress the impatience in her voice.

Whatever anger she managed to smother, Blue took it up with ten times the intensity. She was so infuriated that she was shaking, and it was causing Yellow to boil a bit beneath the surface.

“Something is _wrong_ , Yellow. The Sapphires visions, they’re blocked, hazy, it’s just like before. This has got to be White – she’s done something, she’s the only one who could do this I know it, I – ” Yellow squeezed her hand gently to silence her, and then let the affectionate show drop along with Blue’s hand.

“No, Blue, it’s not possible. I assure you, she is dead. She can’t control us anymore.”

Raising both hands in front of her chest, a yellow orb appeared, filled with sparkling white shards. It made her feel both sick and proud to look at, so Blue turned away and placed a hand against the nearby wall, her head bowed.

Yellow moved the orb to one side, freeing a hand and resting it against Blue’s shoulder. She needed her to focus right now.

“Blue, it’s impossible. Maybe her capacity for distortion lingers within her base and the Pearl and Lapis Lazuli hide within her walls. Your Danburite and the child may have taken flight there, too, you know how mercurial the future can be. Or perhaps things are still in disorder, the disruption emanating from her very shards,” she lifted the bubble to Blue’s side, might she see it in her periphery.

“We can melt her shards, Blue, destroy her completely. You, me, we’ll be free of her forever. It’s… what Pink would have wanted for us. It’s what _she_ deserves.” Yellow tried to sound as convincing as possible, hoping her comfort would snap Blue out of this. Right now, she needed the poised, calculating Blue _Diamond_ – not this impetuous heap of emotion that she let herself become.

Blue raised her head, but did not turn to face her. “But… Yellow, when the transmission ended, my Heliodor fled with the rebels. I know not where they are, and the Sapphire’s had not seen it coming. _Why?_ This sort of sedition is uncharacteristic, if not downright _impossible,_ for that entire vein of gemstone.”

Yellow’s comforting hand fell, and she sent the bubble safely away for the time being. This was news to her – she knew the Pearl and Lapis Lazuli were missing, the Peridot presumed dead, but to lose _all_ of them? And then, the hybrid and Danburite have gone missing too? This was borderline imprudence; how could she have let things get so out of control? She should never have left them in Blue’s control, too capricious with her sentimentality…

Placing her thumb and forefinger against one temple, Yellow closed her eyes and turned away, thinking.

_The hybrid is the primary concern, the others will not leave him behind, so we stick the original plan… Capture him, let them surface, come to us. With White out of the way, the only thing left to do is erase them from our margins. Quick, simple, and it will all be over._

Part of Yellow was criticizing herself for not just letting the boy die during the execution, but Blue had been obstinate in her favored form of punishment, so she had agreed to keep him alive for a bit longer. Now he had slipped through her fingers yet again, out there, hiding from his fate.

After a stretch of silence, Blue finally turned to Yellow and had regained some of her composure. “Yellow – I do have one lead. My Sapphire’s were certain that the Heliodor hides at… your Kindergarten,” she wheeled around to face Blue at that, eyes flashing dangerously. “I do not know why she is there, but she since she took off with the rebels, they cannot be far behind. Those so fated also meet a favorable end; those my Sapphire’s can see will die, but there are still many holes.”

Clenching her teeth, Yellow steeled herself from the temptation to clear a path of carnage straight to her Kindergarten.

_Rationalize, Yellow. Now is not the time for petty emotions._

“Blue, while that is well and good, should we not focus on the hybrid? They will come to him, as we originally planned.”

Blue lowered her hood, eyes finally sparkling with that wicked tint that Yellow admired.

“If we find the Pursuant, we will find the rest of them, or we will find him. In either case, one will always lead to the other… the boy, he would do anything to protect them, Yellow. _Anything_.”

Yellow moved a hand to her chin, a thoughtful pose. “Well, it sounds like you have something in mind…”

 

* * *

 

Stepping off the warp pad, Steven squinted through the fog of the Kindergarten for a second time – although now, he did not arrive alone. Dani had let him walk on his own once they were stopped, and now she was hovering nearby, posture as frigid as her expression. Flanked by Quartz soldiers, he and Dani opted not to speak freely like they had before.

Steven twisted his hands together, his memories of this place and White Diamond sending electric jolts of unsettling feelings straight through his heart. An intense shudder made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, sending chill all the way down to his toes. He couldn’t help it as he remembered White Diamond’s penetrating gaze, the way she looked at him and through him at the same time… and then the image shifted, her eyes turning surprised and scared, looking down as a blade protruded from her chest…

 _Ugh_.

Steven was pretty sure they were not headed the same direction as when he had first come here, recalling the magnificent white palanquin that carried White Diamond and himself up through the mist. This time, he followed their guide down a series of sloping hills; the fog grew denser, the air colder, and the light dimmer at they went further down. The ceiling of the massive cave was no longer visible, too far away and obscured by the condensing haze, but Steven’s eyes searched for it anyway – it was a much prettier sight than the world around him.

Everything had an eerie, lustrous glow to it as they went deeper, like the fog itself was alive – a disembodied sun, weak when separated, but growing stronger and brighter as the world around them became darker.

The air still had a musty, sulfurous odor, and it only became more pungent as they passed increasingly larger exit holes and warped hollows of minerals and dirt as they continued their descent. Steven bit his lip, mind full of a million questions, but so much as even speaking here felt wrong… he knew this place was the birth sight of gems, but right now, it felt more like a catacomb, and his nerves told him not to speak at risk of disturbing the sepulchers.

It took about ten minutes of walking for things to change, but change they did. The slope started to widen, eventually evening out to a long plane of emptiness. The dirt here was darker than the iridescent walls he remembered from above, almost black, and the mist was so thick it was hard to see more than a foot in front of him.

From what little light remained, he guessed they were in some sort of canyon, or at the bottom of a giant lake that had been drained; the nearest walls scaled high above their heads, into the abyss.

Their guide held up a hand to stop them before they continued their trek through the darkness.

“Be careful,” White Pearl said. It looked like she was being dragged ahead into the shadowy miasma, her cape billowing mysteriously in the otherwise still air.

“There are particularly deep exit holes here in the ground. They... well, just know these holes are larger than your average Quartz. If you fall in, my guess is you will die.”

Steven glanced behind him at Dani, but she and the soldiers were too far for him to see clearly through the mist. No one responded, so Pearl continued her march with haste, and Steven followed close behind so as not to lose her, focusing on the way her cape swished around her ankles, eyes watching for craters.

The air was even colder here. Exhaling, Steven watched his breath steam and dance with the fog, reminding him of a winter day back on Earth. He retreated to his memories then, back to Beach City, back to Earth, back to home. It made his heart ache, remembering that first bad snowstorm, the first time he had seen future vision, the first time he and Connie stayed up all night together…

Steven had let his mind wander too far – he stumbled and nearly fell forward. There was a pause as Pearl allowed him to collect himself, peering behind her shoulder, and then resumed her hurried pace through the cavernous gloom.

_What are we doing here, anyways? First, Dani said she was supposed to take me to Yellow Diamond, and then we got stopped by White Pearl, and then Pearl needed to bring us here? And the way she reacted…  I would have expected her to be sad, or mad, or even a just tiny bit distraught with what happened to White Diamond… but she was smiling._

Steven shivered, from the cold or the memory he wasn’t sure.

_“There has been a change of plans. Blue Diamond needs to see you, privately, so come quickly.”_

_“What? Why?”_

_“I don’t know – they have already killed my Diamond, child. Do you really think I am in a position to ask questions?”_

_No answers, no explanation, just go this way, now that way, do this, now that. Ugh._

Steven really hated being led aimlessly everywhere, but then again, he had expected to die at least two hours ago and that hadn’t happened, so maybe he should be thanking his lucky stars…

“We’re here.”

Steven looked down and realized his toes had started to ache from the chill; he wasn’t standing on dirt or stone anymore, but metal. It was the same, mysterious green alloy that hid the warp pad both times he came here. It seemed to pulse and glow like the little baton Pearl had let him borrow, to him to give him “restricted” warp access.

 “…Um, what do you mean we’re here? What’s _here_? What is this place?”

White Pearl did not respond to Steven’s question. Instead, her head was turned off away, her face thoughtful.

Dani had caught up by now, standing a few inches behind Steven while he looked dubiously around the blank space, at the metal beneath his feet, and back at her. Her presence was a welcome relief right now; she was familiar and kind, a lone constant in this inexplicable and repressive thing that had become his life.

A shifting at the edge of his vision caused him to jump, the fog thinning as a dark figure approached. Steven squinted, knowing it was too short to be a Diamond, but they _were_ tall…

“ _Heliodor?_ ”

It took only a few long strides for her to close the distance between them, towering over him once again. Steven gulped at the lump in his throat. What was happening? First Dani, White Pearl, now Heliodor… He never expected to see the three of them together, let alone to be _here_ with them, below the surface of Homeworld trapped in a tense silence that felt like it was judging all of them.

Out of habit, Steven tried to cover the scars on his discolored arm, hating remembering the things he had been made to do as she studied him with orange eyes. For a moment, she let her gaze linger over his arm, studying the mingling of white and yellow beneath his pale skin, but she flicked her eyes away and returned her focus to the boy.

Squatting down so she was nearly at his level, they were both reminded of when they first met, when he first fell from the beams of the beach house.

“How far we’ve come, child, yet we’re right back where we started.” Her voice was as icy as the chill between his toes, and Steven backed up slightly into Dani’s protective grasp.

He looked around, into the fog, at his feet, anywhere but her terrifying face. “W-what do you mean? Why am I here?”

 

* * *

 

“ ** _STEVEN_** _!”_ Lapis pounded angrily against the barrier, trying to get him to realize they were just inches away, her arms aching each time her balled fist made contact with the hard surface. She was the only one of them that could comfortably reach the top of the hole, but the others (except Connie) had tried jumping and shooting projectiles, but the alloy just absorbed each of their blows with an echoing clang.

He looked down at them twice, but Lapis couldn’t see his face, it was too dark – it didn’t seem like he noticed them, though, because he made no move to communicate on the other side. His voice, his outline, his mannerisms… they were unmistakable. It was Steven, and he was _right_ there.

After several fruitless attempts of breaking through the top, Amethyst shapeshifted into a drill and tried to make her way through the dirt in another direction while Lapis continued to press her ear against the metal surface, trying to hear what was happening above ground.

“He’s talking to… Heliodor. They said something about Pearl, and Blue Diamond…”

Garnet and Pearl were staring up at her while she spoke, and Connie was playing with the abandoned robonoid nearby – something to busy her hands. Amethyst yelled through her hole, so Lapis missed whatever came next.

“ _UGH._ I _hate_ this, it’s too dark. I hit metal again, like, ten or twenty feet in. I think we’re in a box of this green stuff.” Garnet, Pearl and Connie all looked at each other, their faces drawn in distress. Heliodor trapped them in this emerald limbo – with him but not, close, but not close enough – and now she was mocking them by holding Steven at arm’s length, literally inches away… He couldn’t hear them or see them, but they were _so_ close…

Frustrated, Garnet removed her visor and pressed her thumb and forefinger into two of her eyes. “This doesn’t make sense. What is the point of this? Why is Steven here?”

Connie surprised them when she was the one to answer, her voice hollow. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Pearl and Garnet looked from her to each other and said nothing. Gently, Pearl urged her to continue. Lapis was trying her best to ignore them.

“Connie, _what_ is obvious?”

She dragged her gaze away from the ill-fated robot at her feet, sputtering and whining uselessly in the dirt, and looked at the others. “Don’t you remember what Blue Diamond said, before she brought out Holly Blue? Sorry – Pearl, you weren’t there, but…” Her head dropped into her knees, eyes squeezed tight as the soft echo of Steven’s voice reverberated around them.

“They _want_ us to see it happen. They’re going to murder him and keep us trapped down here while we watch, and listen, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.” Her voice cracked at the end, and she turned her face away so they wouldn’t see her breaking. How could they have made it so far just to fail, this close to him?

Lapis traced the outline of his small feet with her thin blue fingers, cast in black against the green glow. They were taunting her, daring her to try to break through the metal again.

_Please, Steven, just look down. I’m right here…_

It took every ounce of her self-control not to cry, to put her ear up to the surface again, to try to decipher the quiet voices.

Below, Garnet took a deep breath as she tried to stay her twitching hands. She could feel Ruby and Sapphire in disharmony, wanting to stay together but coming undone. The pressure of the darkness, the crushing air of defeat, the quiver in Connie’s voice, the shadow of Steven just above… It was torture. This was worse than all of Blue Diamond’s mockery by far, to tempt them with freedom, to be together with the others, only to be thrown into a hole that echoed with the life of Steven as he moved above the surface, a ghost just beyond the veil.

“It sounds like… Heliodor is leaving, with someone. Danburite, er, Dani is definitely there, talking to him. They’re alone now, I think. Steven sounds… confused, maybe, or scared…”

Pearl was about to say something, opening her mouth while she watched Lapis struggle when a low rumbling started to loosen some of the dirt around them. At first, she thought they were about to be released, or worse, compressed, but after a moment the tiny earthquake faded. Amethyst had just returned to them then, popping through the dirt and shaking muck from her hair. Those of them at the bottom of the hole looked at her accusingly.

“What? I didn’t do th— _whoooooa_.” All of them staggered slightly when another slight shaking turned into a thunderous crash just above their heads, causing the ground to sway at the sudden force.

Amethyst had fallen over into Connie’s lap. “Okay, that was _not_ me. You all have – ” but before she could finish, Lapis hissed down at them.

“ _Shh! Something’s happening!”_

 

* * *

 

The tremors were coming more regularly, and with enough force that Steven and Dani both fell over, losing their balance on top of the frozen green surface. They had been still for several minutes, trying to reassure each other that things would work out when the abrupt smashing first sent them sprawling.

It sounded like the crashing was coming from above, an echoing boom that made Steven bite his lip nervously. Heliodor said Blue Diamond would be coming, but why here? The crashing grew louder and closer, and soon, a royal palanquin vaulted down in front of them, shaking the ground from the force of impact it dropped from the caverns above.

His eyes went wide at the yellow monstrosity. He hadn’t considered the possibility that Blue Diamond had too been murdered by Yellow Diamond, so he was frozen with uncertainty, examining the menacing cathedra before him, wondering what might emerge from within.

“Steven _?_ ” her voice sounding somewhere to his right, one hand lifting her up while the other fixed her visor as she looked around for him.

On the ground, the fog was marginally thinner so Steven was able to spot the hem of her alabaster dress, contrasting starkly against the green underneath her, so he shuffled towards her as the yellow spider retracted its many legs, coming to a full stop as it shuddered against the ground.

Yellow Diamond descended the stairs, appraising him with a look that could only be described as revulsion, but he hardly gave her any notice. Behind her was Blue Diamond, forgiving and wise, their contrasting presences so jarring it was hard to believe they were leaders of the same vein. It looked like there might have been a handful of smaller gems, Pearls and Quartz maybe, but they remained on the platform. Blue was examining them, gem and half-gem, bemused by their speechless expressions.

Yellow broke the silence once they had both reached the base of the valley, their massive footfalls echoing upwards and outwards through the Kindergarten.

“I see your Danburite has turned traitor, Blue. Shall I dispose of her?” She turned to look at her fellow Diamond, her blue face unreadable as she considered the possibilities.

Dragging himself to his feet, Steven stood in front of Dani with his arms outstretched.

“Leave her out of this! This doesn’t have anything to do with her – she was just following orders!” Despite the circumstances, his voice was fierce – intense in a way that it hadn’t been for days, if not weeks. This whole disaster had gone on long enough, and he knew Blue Diamond wouldn’t support this sort of senseless killing.

Yellow Diamond’s eyes narrowed at his capacity for disrespect, sizing up the hybrid child.

“You’ve grown bold, have you?” Her voice was the byword of intimidation, both her fists clenching at his affront. Steven’s mouth started to go dry, but he did not back down.

Danburite tried to hiss for him to stop. “ _Don’t_... ”

After an anxious, extended stillness, Blue’s face fell into a frown. She was the absolute image of regret.

“No, Yellow, he is right. You do not need to kill her.” Steven’s arms relaxed and he smiled slightly despite himself; he knew if any of them could be reasoned with, it was Blue Diamond.

Yellow rolled her eyes and looked away, disapproving. “You’re serious?”

Shaking, Dani started to rise and moved towards her Diamond, off the platform, her hands in a salute. “T-thank you, my Diamond. It is as the child says, the Pearl led us here, and we were…”

Blue Diamond lowered a hand while Dani started to explain, silently offering for Steven to step into her palm, at which he grinned and climbed up her blue fingers. Dani trailed off while she watched him, but shook her head and refocused when she realized her Diamond was gazing at her, face expectant.

“M-my apologies. As I was saying, the Pearl, she intervened while I brought him to you, our most respected Yellow Diamond, and I – ”

But Danburite never got to finish her explanation, never got to see Steven’s face turn from relieved to horrified, never got to tell him thank you, or even goodbye. Blue Diamond’s other hand came down hard and smashed her form into the dirt. Her wrath was so sudden and potent that all that remained were white little shards, poking out of the ground. They looked like seeds for organic matter, planted in the dirt, but these seeds would never yield life again.

Blue Diamond mused to privately, disturbing both the quiet and her audience.

“I can take care of traitors myself.”

 

* * *

 

Both hands over her mouth, Lapis squeezed her eyes shut as the shockwave rocked their green cage like an earthquake. _Danburite_ …

“I… no, Steven, _no!_ It’s a trap, stop, _stop_ it!” She pushed her hands helplessly against the green metal, trying to will her way through it.

Garnet was frustrated, looking up at Lapis, and shouted, “Lapis, what is it!? What’s happening?”

“She… Danburite, she’s been… shattered.”

They were all deadly still below the surface, Lapis words echoing heavily around them.

There was a shouting above the surface now, so Lapis shook her head of the sorrow and listened hard.

“It’s… Steven, he’s…” Well, he was a lot of things. By the sound of it, he was crying, straining, yelling, struggling, suffering… and Blue Diamond was laughing. It made her feel sick.

“…he’s _realized_ what happened. Blue Diamond is… laughing at him. Now Yellow Diamond, too.” They hardly needed the translation, though, the Diamond’s voices much mightier than Steven’s as the traces of their mockery bounced around the hole like a repulsive chorus.

Lapis winced suddenly, a loud clanging sounding just above her head.

“ _Steven!”_ Several of them gasped and whispered his name, through gasps, clenched tear, and stunned hands. He had rather jumped, or, more likely, been thrown down into the metal by one of the Diamonds. Given the volume of the impact, it must have been very painful.

His voice was closer to them now, though he was yelling loud enough that they all would have been able to hear if he hadn’t been right on top of them.

“But _why_? I did everything you asked, I went through all of those trials, I-I… even hurt my friends. I don’t _understand_. What more do you want? _”_

Yellow Diamond sounded amused, and her words came from further away, obviously enjoying the pain in his voice, the sound of the words dying in his throat.

“Don’t you _get it_? …useless. What a waste of our time. Before I shatter you, where is…”

Amethyst whispered (though she recognized it wasn’t necessary – there was no one to overhear them) when the rest of them paused, looking around at each other. “Where is _what_?”

Pearl shushed her, and they all listened hard.

 

* * *

 

Steven tried to get up, to face them, but the look on Blue Diamond’s face made his throat seize up so violently he started to cough. She had the most evil, twisted grin, her eyes alight with fervor and curiosity, not a trace of her characteristic remorse visible on her lovely, crafted façade.

_That’s just it Steven, it’s a façade. How stupid are you? You trusted her, you let your guard down, and now Dani…_

He sucked in a hard breath as he tried to push himself up, realizing he couldn’t stand if he wanted to. His left leg had broken his fall, and now it may be broken, too. When Blue whipped him into the stinging metal, he skidded backwards with the pressure favoring one side and it had twisted unnaturally from the momentum. So, Steven resorted to holding himself up on his front using his arms.

“Where are the others?” It was Blue Diamond, repeating Yellow’s question, her voice sharp as it punctured the air, his ears, and his heart.

Still racking through his coughs, Steven propped himself up and looked at Yellow Diamond, still not ready to face her Blue companion just yet. “I… don’t know? _Who_? Pearl brought me and… brought _me_ here, and said to wait. She left after that.”

Blue glowered and turned away, and Steven was washed with a tiny wave of relief now that his eyes didn’t have to avoid looking at her face; he was too angry, too hurt to deal with that right now. He _did_ stare daggers into her back though, wanting nothing more than to throw his shield right into the back of her head.

Yellow looked righteous as she examined the pitiful heap below. She turned her head ever so slightly in Blue’s direction, not taking her eyes off of him. “I’m not sure I believe it.”

She approached him, stepping onto the green surface and causing the ground to shake under her massive physique.

Yellow cocked her head to one side, observing the anger in the boy’s face at her feet. It would be so easy to crush him right now. “So… you saw the Pearl, and she took you and the Danburite, and there was no one else?”

Steven readjusted his weight to better face her, but he had to clench his teeth at the movement. “Well, no, at first it was _us_ ,” he nodded his head towards where Dani had been crushed, unable to say her name right now. “Pearl… and two Quartz soldiers. I don’t know what kind. They looked a lot like the guards White Diamond had stationed outside my cell-thing. Actually,” he peered around through the fog, squinting.

“I don’t really remember them leaving, but I guess they’re gone.”

Yellow clicked one of her heels impatiently, and Blue continued to brood in silence.

“When we got here, I saw Heliodor, but she was only here for like a minute, then she left. That was it.” His voice was flat, biting back insults and shouts. He hated them both so much right now.

“So there was _no one_ else?” That was not the point Steven expected her to press – who else did they think would be here?

Half-shrugging, Steven replied. “Nope.”

Blue Diamond whirled around, her face stern and her eyes alive with an energy so destructive it made him flinch. How had he ever trusted her? The betrayal tasted sour in his mouth.

“Where is the Lapis Lazuli? Where did you send them in the warp stream?”

Steven furrowed his brow in confusion, turning over the question, looking away from her. Why did they care about Lapis, she was with… _Pearl_? Oh. He remembered when he had last seen them both, the pained look on their faces.

Sighing, Steven addressed the confusion. “ _No_ , I was talking about _White_ Pearl, like the one that used to belong to White Diamond before... She said _you_ sent her,” he forced himself to look at Blue Diamond.

“And that we were supposed to meet here. I have no idea where Lapis, or the Pearl you’re thinking of, is.” Steven half-wondered how she knew about the warp stream and sending them away, but he didn’t bother to ask. Everything she had told him was a lie, so why would he expect the truth now?

Blue stiffened at his response, eyes narrowing as she turned to face Yellow.

While Blue may have put on a mask of distrust and anger, trying to match Yellow’s reaction the best she could, this was disturbing news to her. She did not think he was lying, he’s not clever enough for that. Why did Heliodor and White Pearl bring the boy _here_? Was this one more of White Diamond’s tricks, from beyond the grave, trying to turn her and Yellow against each other? She had been instrumental in murdering Pink, and now she was going to try to turn her against Yellow, too? Her eyes narrowed into dangerously thing slits as she looked back down at Steven.

Yellow seemed to be reaching the same nefarious conclusion, so she continued her questioning.

“Where did they go? White Diamond’s Pearl and the Heliodor?” Her voice was heavy with unspoken threats.

“I don’t know.”

That was unsatisfactory.

“ _Do not lie to me!”_ Yellow waved her hand in a sweeping motion and then clenched her fist tightly as it arched above her head, causing Steven’s breath to catch in his throat as a familiar burning started to play up his arm. The diamond insignia flared like fire on his wrist, growing more intense as he squeezed his eyes shut, pulling himself to sitting to avoid putting extra weight on his arm. The adjustment was agonizing, but sitting upright allowed his lungs to breathe a bit more easily and gave him better leverage to steady the shakes that racked his small frame.

As much as he did not want to give them the satisfaction, Steven hissed in pain as the yellow lines spread further up and down his arm, the tips of his fingers glowing from the sensation, his blood burning like an inferno. Soon, he was rasping for air, unable to suppress the agony as hot tears ran from his cheeks. The pain was causing him to twitch, making the stabbing in his bent (possibly broken) leg all the more painful. He could feel the heat spreading through his chest, almost reaching his navel, and he remembered the blinding pain from the last time…

“ _Please_ _stop!_ I don’t know, I don’t know, _please…”_

They let up, if only to ask again.

“Where did Heliodor go? Where are the others?”

Through labored breaths, Steven managed to wheeze out a few words. “I really… don’t know…”

 

* * *

 

Any conceivable nightmare the Crystal Gems could have imagined was extinguished as they listened to Steven writhing under sudden yellow glow above their heads. All of them were cringing as if they were the ones being burned and it didn’t take long for their agony to compound with the claustrophobia, throwing everything into chaos.

Lapis was so focused on the activity above that she didn’t even realize her water wings had started to evaporate, noticing too late as she fell from the air. She landed next to the forgotten robonoid, buzzing erroneously in the dirt.

Connie had been shoved roughly back against a wall when Garnet came apart, Ruby flying into her as Sapphire landed coarsely in the dirt. Hands digging into her ratty hair, Amethyst looked like she had gone completely insane, yelling at Pearl and Sapphire on one side of the hole.

“ _What are you doing?_ Form Sardonyx or something, come on, we need to get out of here! _We NEED to get OUT OF HERE!”_

Ruby screamed at her in response. “ _DON’T YELL AT HER!_ We can’t, we’d crush you, and Lapis, and Connie. Connie would definitely die, and you two might shatter under the pressure. There’s _not_ enough _room!”_ She summoned a gauntlet and punched in time with the words, packing some of the dirt further away but unable to even budge their ambivalent earthbound hell.

Pearl leaned against one of the walls, sinking to her knees, the world spinning. If she had a stomach, she probably would have thrown up, but the sensation was lost to her. Her brain was torn between the here and now and screams very much like those, echoing in her memories across dozens of battlefields. Was this it? Driving them insane with grief until they ripped each other apart? Or were they just waiting until _after_ Steven died to kill them, wanting them to have to listen as they severed each tether that bound him to this reality until he couldn’t bear to exist anymore? Now that she thought about it, Pearl was pretty sure she was almost out of tethers herself.

Gripping her arms, her head shot up suddenly like someone had called her name. It was a feeling, something close, someone close… What was that?

The urgency in Pearl’s voice was enough to quell the madness, if only for a moment. “ _Wait._ Do you hear that?”

They all froze, looking around at each other, faces dark in the tinted abyss. There _was_ something happening, above, but… what? There were a few shouts, and then there was a loud groaning and shaking around them.

 

* * *

 

“ _NO –_ get away from me!”

In spite of the pain it afflicted his shaking body, Steven dragged himself away, off of the green platform and back into the dirt. This very well may have been the worst moment of his life, but for Holly Blue Agate, advancing towards him like a predator upon prey, she was nothing but smiles as she got nearer, clearing the stairs of the palanquin and catching up with him easily.

“But why, Steven? Don’t you miss feeling powerful? Can’t you see how _weak_ you are?”

She bent down and reached for his leg – thankfully, the uninjured one – and he yelped when her icy grip touched him. Crouching down, Holly Blue made her face innocent and whimsical, looking at his terrorized face.

He tried to kick his leg out from her hold, but her grip was firm. “Let _go_ of me, I _don’t_ want to fuse with you, I’ll _never_ want to fuse with you!” Just looking at her made him want to throw up, to go back to the burning yellow pain, to be back in the trial room. Her grip tightened painfully, threatening to crush his bones a second time.

Before Holly Blue could continue, she turned her neck over her shoulder at the call of her name. “Oh, Holly Blue? Let me see if I can’t persuade him.” Blue Diamond moved away from her station at the side of the palanquin, walking past Yellow, over the green floor, and stopped when she stood only feet from the hybrid. Though her face was thoughtful, her eyes betrayed her real emotions – loathing.

“I told you I don’t know, where the others… are…” Steven was having a difficult time breathing as panic lacerated his heart and lungs.

Then, something new happened. A warmth had started to spread through his left side, and he lifted his arm to examine the source of the feeling. His arm was shaking, watching pretty rivers of blue trace between yellow and white like a complex lace, interwoven with beauty and menace. It was breathtaking to behold, but that only made it worse.

Holly Blue looked bored as she watched Steven’s eyes shift between her and Blue Diamond, her elegant face drawn in a doting smile as her gem glimmered in her chest. He blinked several times and shook his head lightly, struggling to stay focused. It felt like he was falling asleep, his mind turning mercifully calm, and then he felt really, really weak. Not in the physical sense like he might collapse, but worthless, pitiful, inferior. His fists clenched in shame as angry tears formed around his eyes and he blinked furiously to dispel them, hating the way they felt, reminding him of how stupid he was. He had been tricked, deceived, hurt, manipulated, starved and hated – and now he hated feeling all of those things.

A solitary blue hand came into focus at the end of his vision, hovering just a few feet from his face, offering to help him stand. Holly Blue Agate… he hated her, too, but not nearly as much as he hated being himself.

Wincing in pain as he leaned forward, he tried to lock fingers with her, to end this nightmare, to free him from being like this… But, it was interrupted when Blue Diamond fell backwards, causing the ground to shake and for Holly Blue to lose her footing, withdrawing her hand to steady herself.

As quickly as his mind had flooded with pessimism, Steven was back again, looking at his own arm hanging dumbly in the air.

 _What am I doing?_ He clenched his hand into a fist, snapping it back towards him in disgust.

A thunderous rumble made him flinch, and he realized Blue Diamond had started screaming as she regained her balance. She looked overwhelmed with vexation.

“I will _destroy_ you, you abject, defective _traitor_!”

A blur of orange moved in his vision as Holly Blue was knocked backwards off her feet, away from him, and Steven started to crawl a little further away once she released his leg. The ground had started to shake and explode as yellow flashes illuminated the mist with a hazardous glow, a raging thunderstorm storm lacking the rain. The bolts started to tear the terrain apart.

Steven yelped as Yellow Diamond pointed a finger straight at him, and he raised his shield instinctively to protect himself. He was unscathed, the shot deflected and went down into the ground next to him, the sudden force breaking the dirt mound and flinging him backwards with the momentum.

Steven winced as he landed on his hurt leg, but the pain was soon eclipsed when a hunk of rock came flying into in. His whole body tensed, so painful that his brain rejected all feeling for a split second. It was as if time stopped for just a millisecond, long enough for the foundation of his mind to unhinge ever so slightly. Then, in a single beat of his heart, Steven gasped and crumpled weakly into the shuddering ground.

Shaking horribly and soaked in sweat, Steven raised a hand and searched mindlessly over his shirt for the gemstone on his stomach. When he found it, he inhaled a sharp breath of freezing air.

A crack ran across the delicate Rose Quartz, the last gemstone of its kind in all of existence. The fissure was shallow, but it extended from one side and stopped a little more than halfway across the stone face.

The Diamonds were saying something, and it sounded like them might be angry, but his head was swimming from the sensation and it felt like his body was rejecting any of the air that made its way into his lungs.

Each inhale came a little weaker and each beat of his heart a little slower.

Steven was dying.


	31. Feeling Blue (Double Bluff)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the "Feeling Blue," special release.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written as part of a special two-part release in celebration of reaching this huge milestone - for the story as a whole, and particularly, for reaching this critical moment in the plot. Please be sure to read Chapters 30 and 31 as a pair.

Steven was coming undone. He had asked himself a lot of questions, most of which were never answered – a lot of why, a lot of when, a lot of how, a lot of what. And sometimes, as is human nature, he would ask questions that would have been better left unanswered. What is this pink palanquin, abandoned in the middle of Korea? How come nobody told me about Pink Diamond? _Why_ did mom shatter Pink Diamond? Why did mom bother to have me at all? Why am I the “key?” What was the point to the trials, the experiments?

After he had heard his sentencing broadcast across Homeworld, a singular question rose above all the others. It was simple, but somehow, it was not, and it would repeat in his mind again, and again, and again.

Does it hurt to die?

Does it… hurt, to die?

Does it hurt to _die?_

And as it turned out, this was a question that he did get an answer to, and the answer was yes.

Yes, Steven told himself, it hurts _very much_ to die.

His sweats had turned to shivers, laying against the hard earth, as his body remembered how cold it was here, and though his chattering teeth were uncomfortable, the chill actually helped him to concentrate.

With the back of a shaking hand, Steven wiped off the spit and sweat from around his mouth and peeked through his lids. He was vaguely aware that someone was yelling, but he was relieved that it didn’t seem like, for once, they weren’t yelling at him.

Steven licked his hand and tried to heal the Rose Quartz gemstone… but it didn’t work. Honestly, he hadn’t expected it to; he had never been able to heal his bodily injuries with his spit, so it came as no surprise that he could not heal his magical injuries either.

After another wave of pain crept up from his navel, Steven let himself lull into a peace for a little while. If he tried to remain _very_ still, it hurt less, so he closed his eyesand listened to his shallow breathing.

At some point he was interrupted – it could have been a minute or it could have been an hour – when someone gently gripped his shoulders and was pulling him out of dirt, away, into the air. Steven actually didn’t mind the change, a little softer on his aching muscles than the rough ground pushing up against his spine, so he let himself be moved and kept his eyes close

For some reason, the grasp reminded him of someone. Someone… new, but… someone who was hurting, or… no, what was it? Those fingers…

“Dani…?”

But when he turned his head to check, it didn’t look like Dani, so he just let his mind continue to drift. His brain still didn’t feel right, so he was content to watch his breath mix with the soft mist in front of him; the cold bound the two together, a sweet and wrong harmony of air that fused together.

They came to a stop, so Steven released a shuttering breath as he was placed on the ground again. Turning his head to the side, Steven wondered what was happening. Maybe Heliodor had come back? He was pretty sure he saw something orange… It took him a moment to realize that he was higher up now, overlooking the long stretch of canyon that had nearly become his grave. Though he knew he should just stay still, Steven dragged himself closer to the edge of the plateau, looking down into the haze, blinking as figures started to come into focus.

Blue Diamond was literally consumed with emotion, so ensorcelled that she was laughing, crying and seething; she looked truly mad. To her left was the outline of Yellow Diamond, a little further away and harder to see, but her posture lacked all of its usual dignity and authority. She was leaning backwards, almost falling into her own palanquin as she backed up slowly, but they were the least interesting sights in the vale.

This time, Steven was sure he had gone insane – he guess his mind must have cracked along with his gem as a ghostly voice echoed through the Kindergarten.

“My, my, you’ve both grown quite seditious since I first reared you from the dirt. In fact, it was conditions much like this that spawned the both of you.” Each word sounded murderous, each pause gave him goosebumps, and each reverberation seemed to swell in the fog.

Steven squinted and even rubbed his eyes to shake off the illusion, trying to ignore the tightness in his chest that threatened to asphyxiate him. It wasn’t possible, but yet, he looked over the valley and watched White Diamond easily stride the length of the plane, her bright eyes dangerous in the darkness.  

As White Diamond strolled the length of the valley, every molecule in the atmosphere seemed to vaporize, turning the mist into noxious gas. Steven had to resist the urge to cough, too mystified by what was happening.

She came to a stop in front of the other Diamonds, who had all but fallen backwards in shock, and placed her foot over a boulder uninterestingly.

“Yes, this ground was once rich with potential. So long ago… What is that thing you always say, Blue?” Long white fingers trailed her chin and cheeks, appearing thoughtful.

“Right, yes. A _pity_.” She pushed her foot down, the stone easily disintegrating under her mass.

Blue had become hysterical.

“No – _no_! You’re dead, _dead,_ you murdered Pink and now _you’re_ dead _._ You can’t be here – I’m imagining it, yes, ha, yes…” she pulled up her hood and started to laugh, a desperate, crazed laugh.

White did not seem amused. “Tsk. You’re wrong on all three counts; I would have expected better from you.” She lifted three fingers and marked them off.

“I am very much alive, you are misled by what happened to Pink, and I’m sorry to say you’re not imagining any of this. Well, not as sorry as you might be.” Her voice had turned to pure ice.

Now it was Yellow’s turn to challenge her, denying White the chance to ridicule her again. She reached out her hand to summon her yellow bubble from earlier, full of white shards. “This is another of your illusions, a trick! You’re _right here_.”

That made White stop her advance, and they all became very still. She tilted her head to one side for a moment, looking at the bubble, and then turned and walked away. They both looked a horrible mess of relief and distress with her no longer staring at them, qualities not characteristic in either of them.

Steven, however, felt his own stress manifest as White Diamond sauntered towards him. She was so massive he only came to level with her neck as she stood in the valley below, her face huge by comparison as she examined his battered form carefully.

She frowned. “I’m glad you have the sheer force of will that you do, Steven, or else we would both be dead.” He was just staring at her, wide-eyed and breathless. _What?_

She turned again and paced around the empty space, her long strides and towering form giving her the appearance of floating through the fog like a specter – which, Steven hadn’t ruled out at this point. Musing to herself, much like she had done back in her throne room when she gazed out at the stars, White Diamond was as casual as a professor lecturing her students.

“How do I explain when you are governed by your own foolishness?” She paused and looked at the other Diamonds. “Your quest for false justice supersedes your own brilliance, blinding you to greater things. Had you bothered to _listen_ ,” she waved a hand lazily, spawning colossal, disembodied hands from the fog and that pulled Yellow and Blue down to their knees. They had both started to shout, terrified, when more hands rose out of the miasma to cover their mouths.

“You might have understood the potential I see in this child. How better, I figured, than to _show_ you what he is capable of?” She paused, elegantly lowering a hand as a display of her own form.

Unable to believe it himself, Steven blurted out from the cliff-face. “ _What?_ ”

White Diamond raised an eyebrow and turned towards him, white eyes dancing with energy.

“It’s true, Steven. Did you not believe me when I said you were the key? Your organic body… it possesses components that act in symbiotic harmony with the capabilities of the Rose Quartz gemstone. Under the right conditions, that is.” Approaching the other Diamonds again, more ethereal hands materialized in the frosty air and grabbed their heads, forcing Blue and Yellow to face her as she studied them with her piercing glare.

She clicked her tongue, like a mother who had caught her children in a lie. “How disappointing you both are. After so many millennia and you can’t even stage a coup. I do not need a Sapphire to tell how obvious your plot was,” she stood at her full height and shrugged, looking upwards into the sonorous darkness.

White Diamond’s indifference just made the whole speech that much more intimidating. Everything about her was always inverted, every sign of body language backwards, every word a riddle, and Steven watched the other Diamond’s – literal tyrants – be rendered powerless at her whim.

“Maybe it was my maternal instincts, hoping I was wrong… but I am never wrong, even when I want to be.” She bent down so her gaze was almost even with them, eyes narrowed into inimical slits.

“I wanted to give you the chance to correct your failings, to overcome your petty sense of _justice_ on your own, to aspire to greater things than conventional ideals of power and authority. But you failed.”

White Diamond returned to standing and leered over them, enjoying herself. She gazed to her left when a yellow bubble floated innocently in her periphery.

“Ah yes, there I am.” She cradled the delicate orb in between her hands for a moment, looking at the way the white shards sparkled beneath the yellow protection, and smashed her hands together with so much force Steven winced. When she splayed her palms outward, the twinkling dust of her own gemstone drifted from her fingertips, and they all stared at her in utter disbelief.

“Isn’t it fascinating, Steven?” She called from over her shoulder, turning to speak directly to him once again.

“Your biology creates a organic compound called ‘ _EGF’_. Oh, Pink would have just loved the science behind this,” she reached out a finger like she was going to poke him, but instead he found himself weightless once again, suspended in a white bubble. This was a marked improvement from his previous posture, so he didn’t protest even if the whole experience was terrifying. Without gravity, there was no weight and pressure pushing on his body. It still hurt, certainly, but it also numbed the tearing he felt in his chest every time he tried to breath.

_No wonder we bubble gems when they’re poofed…_

Returning to her scolding, White paced the canyon with Steven floating in her palm, her tone ripe with disdain. “When you are trying to be the best leader you can be, you must take every precaution. For example,” She stopped and looked into the dirt below. The green face of her lutetium chamber shimmered lightly at the tip of her boots, so she took a small step backwards and lifted her free hand in front of her.

There was a loud groaning sound as the packed dirt started to come apart, shifting and creaking with pressure as the plane of green started to detangle itself from the ground. What Steven had thought was just a abandoned piece of gem tech grew taller and was wider as White Diamond lifted her hand, and he furrowed his brow in wonder and surprise, squinting down as a glowing green box filled with dirt emerged from the depths below.

From Steven’s height and awkward angle, there wasn’t much he could see of the geometric oddity other than it was packed on all sides with opaque minerals from the ground below, though the top looked mostly clear.

Following a course set by White Diamond’s shifting hand, the glowing verdant container floated to a stop and landed off to the side of the now massive, cubical crater below. Both of the restrained Diamond’s looked confused and afraid by whatever could be within.

Steven was confused, looking up at White Diamond and then back to the box. This whole thing felt like a weird dream, like he might have been thrown into the black pits by that white Sapphire, back in another trial room, but the dull pulsing in his arm suggested that this was still very real. Then, with a simple flick of her wrist, the mineral and dirt inside vanished and Steven covered his mouth in horror.

“Let the pawns move first, and then capture them all, one by one.”

With the green chamber now above ground, there was enough residual light that Steven could see through the walls, although his view was distorted by the bubble and again by the layers of alloy that confined them. It was _them_ – the Gems – and he felt like his heart had stopped beating.

Connie, Ruby and Amethyst were all pressed up against one side of the translucent cube, their faces green and difficult to see but it was _them._ He couldn’t see Pearl or Peridot, but one of them looked like they were sitting against the opposite wall, head in their knees. Sapphire looked amess, crumpled on the ground next to Ruby, and Lapis was floating just above the others, her hands resting against the ceiling. He could see her better than any of them, and even though it looked like they were moving and maybe even shouting, the dark ravine remained deathly still.

In a show of mercy, or perhaps just misunderstood malevolence, White lowered his bubble down near the ground so he was only feet from them. It was so difficult to see them, their faces etched in pain and fear and _joy_ – so much joy to see him. How could they want to see him, after all he’s put them through? Garnet may be split up, but Ruby was smiling and it looked like she was laughing as she slammed her hands against the inside of the barrier, Sapphire moved her bangs to the side and had tears streaming from her cheeks, though he couldn’t tell if they were happy or sad. And Connie was there, eyes shining and giving him a smile that made his heart flutter uncomfortably; her hair was short and she had some cuts across her face, but she was still so beautiful. Next to her, Amethyst was shapeshifting herself into… words, maybe? It was too distorted to tell, and she didn’t think to invert them so he could read backwards, but her smile never left her face. The purple gem, so happy, so full of life… maybe he would at least get the chance to apologize in person for what he did to the Famethyst…

That made him freeze up – what had happened to Holly Blue? Steven tore his eyes away from them despite how much it pained him and examined his scarred arm – it just continued to get worse. Now, the blue was etched like cold, opalescent tendrils over the radiating white and yellow, the latter of which had spread further to the tips of his fingers. It sort of looked robotic, the little nubs at the bottom of his hands glowing beneath the skin; he shuddered.

Looking around, he was relieved to see she wasn’t anywhere nearby, lost or maybe – hopefully? – poofed during the chaos. White Diamond seemed interested in his reactions, pausing while he caught up to speed. She waited until he looked up at her to continue her monologue.

Turning her head to direction of the other Diamonds, White kept her eyes down, never looking away from his face. “Don’t be afraid to use your knights, you will likely need them.”

Her crushing victory only became more thorough as she extended a hand to a nearby cliff-face, and Heliodor and White Pearl climbed into her open palm. She placed them atop the green enclosure like tiny medals, and those within looked up at the feet appear above as the pair saluted her fiercely.

“Their caliber and loyalty should never be overlooked. Heliodor was never yours, as much as she was never mine. She was Pink’s subject, but by rights, you are _all_ mine.” She swept spindly fingers across the open plain, her expression intense as it flashed over every one of their faces.

“Castling is the best strategy to keep up to pace – two moves in one, with the proper timing. Move your rook,” she gestured indiscriminately at the world above, speaking on subjects beyond their understanding.

“And your King,” she reached down and lifted Steven’s bubble back up, high into the air. The Gems looked terrified and pounded deafly against the green wall as he was carried away.

“At the same time. Then, with a little patience, you can capture anything. A bishop, a king… a queen.” She turned to face Blue and Yellow Diamond.

Steven watched as their eyes go wide, looking just about as scared as him. White pressed her lips together as they looked up at her, still forced to their knees before her. She was thinking, considering, always two moves ahead.

She released Steven’s bubble high in the air, letting him float freely. Then she lowered herself to their level again, her gaze shattering Blue’s resolve, the leader sobbing openly at White’s feet. Steven had been crying anyways as he looked between the cataclysm and the Gems, but her sobs mixed with his empathic powers, and his tears started to come twice as hard, unnatural and heavy as they poured from his cheeks.  

White waved a hand, and the vice on Blue’s mouth disappeared.

“ _Why,_ White? _Please,_ don’t do this.”

She titled her head to the side, pretending to consider. Blue could sense that White had not a single shred of compassion in her.

“I’m afraid you’ve left me no choice,” she wiped a finger across Blue’s face, catching a few tears. With her other hand, White ripped the diamond from her chest.

They all froze – Steven, the Gems and Connie, Yellow Diamond, even Heliodor and Pearl’s eyes went wide as blue smoke billowed around White’s intimidating frame. She looked thoughtfully down at the perfectly cut, perfectly formed creation in her hands and frowned. Power and passion were never a wise combination, she thought, and looked up towards the only other remaining Diamond.

Yellow was staring at the gemstone in her hands, refusing to meet her gaze as the blue smoke gave way to white fog. She had stopped resisting her restraints, and her eyes had started to swell with their own emotion.

“And then there’s _you_ …”

White’s tone was deadly, knowing, and Yellow tried to look away but her head was held too tightly by the incorporeal hands, forced to face her in the wicked mist.

In White Diamond’s right hand, she held Blue, and with her left she clenched her sinewy fingers hard on the outside of the yellow twin rooted in her foolish daughter’s chest. She didn’t bother to poof her, using nothing but sheer force to crack, splinter, fissure and _shatter_ the failure that she raised, watching the life leave her eyes as her birthplace became her grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, how did we get here? Chapter 30 (and 31)?!?  
> Thanks for everyone's patience as I worked on these chapters - heck, this whole story. I wanted you all to know how much I appreciate all of your support, so I hope it's been worth the ride to get here! The comments, kudos and 'hits' are very encouraging, and I hope I can continue to keep you guessing as we dive into the next chapters.  
> Coming up in the next few chapters, we will *finally* learn what happened to the Peridots (CG and HW), the rest of White's intentions will become clear, and we will have our first Connie and Steven moment.


	32. Who Lives, and Who Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A childless mother and a motherless child have a one-sided conversation.

“Well?” White Diamond held him a little closer, so Steven shook his head and tried to answer the question.

_Right. Diamonds don’t like to ask twice._

“Um, y-yes, I remember.” Her eyes narrowed, causing him to wince. “My Diamond.” He managed a feeble salute and quickly let his arms drop; he may be suspended in the bubble, but moving too much still brought on waves of stabbing pains that radiated out from his gemstone. Steven sighed, wondering how much longer this could go on – it felt like he would certainly die soon at this rate, the ghostly figure of White Diamond holding him like a toy without a trace of urgency. So Steven was resigned to just float and listen, doing his best to answer her questions.

For all the attention White minded the others, they might as well have been alone in the Kindergarten once again. It was like they were having their own private conversation, although it was just as one-sided as always. And considering she had _literally_ just destroyed Yellow Diamond and poofed, cracked, and bubbled Blue Diamond, she was frighteningly calm, which only made her more terrifying.

“Then you must see now how important you are. It is as I said - you are _not_ like other Rose Quartzes. Your… _human_ half,” the word soured her face, as if the idea sickened her. Judging by the way Homeworld gems generally react to him, Steven guessed that it probably did.

“Interacts with your gemstone. The inherited powers of your vein of Quartz are changed and reconditioned to accompany your biological needs, your chemical composition. Don’t you see? Steven, you do not simply mend as they do. You _restore_. You alone have the ability to grow new life, to reverse death, to create _again_ from near nothing.”

But he didn’t see – what was she talking about? Reverse _death?_ If she wasn’t the physical proof of that, he would never have believed her. But he saw her shattered, and now, she was here, carrying him, lecturing him…

Even in the weightless comfort of the bubble, he was still very cold, so he used a sudden shiver as an excuse to curl in on himself, to avert his eyes. Steven felt like he was about to lose his nerve from the intensity of her glowing eyes, her overwhelming presence, her cold detachment, so he looked away and tried to gather enough moxie to speak. In fact, once he got past the devastating stabbing sensation that threatened to stop his heart, he felt a lot more comfortable in this position.

“Um – well, how? I, er, I’m sorry, m-my Diamond – I just _don’t_ understand. I’m glad you’re not… dead… but what you’re saying, it… _?”_ His voice trailed off when he looked up at her, his breath freezing in his chest.

Usually stoic, severe, or intimidating, it was even more alarming when White Diamond smiled at him. “I am glad I am not dead, too, Steven. It’s all about cellular growth. Consider for a moment the origin of your power - lachrymation, you are familiar with it, yes?”

Steven remembered Homeworld Peridot saying the word when he would cry and gather his tears, and Pearl had used it several times to refer to his mom’s healing tears, so he nodded.

“It regulates nociception, a trait our species share. For nearly all gems, lachrymation purely functional – you could say its purpose is similar to when you learned how to address me properly. You did not like being hurt, but it was effective.” Steven did not like the memory, and he especially did not like how casually she brought up torturing him, but he said nothing.

Pacing again, White Diamond continued, her voice thoughtful and deliberate. “The design of my subjects is founded in pragmatism; their physical forms only possess the capacity for lachrymation because it serves to benefit them. The ability to respond and process pain is only as useful as it can train a gem to abstain from behaviors that might harm them, or to appreciate how best to dominate their enemy. We are a colonizing race, so there are occasions when understanding emotional pain can be advantageous. I have designed all veins of our kind to be able to know how it feels _to_ be hurt, so they can then better strategize how _to_ hurt. Sometimes, emotional pain can be as or even more effective a tool than physical pain. And, you’ve seen that yourself, haven’t you?” She flashed her eyes at him in the bubble, and he shrank under her gaze. Steven was confused and disturbed, but enormously curious, so he responded in the only way he could image she would want.

“Um, yes, my Diamond.”

The glowing, autocratic keeper gave him a swift nod and proceeded in her explanation, absently inspecting the tops of the canyon walls each time she cleared the length of the valley.

“When you disobeyed my command, I punished you, and you learned – it is a similar design for most gems. Then there is the Rose Quartz gemstone – the exception. Their vein –   _your_ vein – is similar to the human design that produces _psychic_ lachrymation. A specific arrangement of molecules grants – or, _granted_ – Rose Quartz the ability to produce tears from sympathy and empathy; for humans, it is the chemical reaction _encephalin_ that triggers such tears. It is this variation that gave your mother her ‘healing powers,’ as you once put it.”

Steven didn’t want to push his luck, but that was almost an entirely unhelpful explanation. How do you tell a matriarch that’s thousands of years old – who also happens to be a ruthless executioner, alien, and intergalactic tyrant – that you’re literally just not smart enough to understand? How do you press her for more information when you’re already lost?

Sadly, Steven glanced over the side of her hand, thinking of Pearl below… she had taught him almost everything he knows, she probably understood every word of White Diamond’s explanation. In another life, she could have explained it all to him.

But not in this life – in this life, he was in the palm of White Diamond’s hand, and she was locked in a green cage at the base of a Homeworld Kindergarten with the rest of the people he loved, completely at his Diamond’s mercy.

_Whoa. That was… weird._

_His_ Diamond? The thought had come so naturally that it scared him. Did he really… belong to her? Before it had been an act, a show, so as not to be punished, but that was…

White Diamond released him for a moment, letting him floating above the canyons, and pulled a mound of dirt from the ground. It took Steven a moment to realize it contained Dani’s shards.

“Your tears… alone, they are not strong enough to heal in the same way your mother might have. The functionality of lachrymation is corrupted by your organic needs. But, you make up for it in other ways…” She bubbled whatever was left of Dani and held the orb close to her white, dangerous visage.

She paused her lecture, examining the tiny broken mementos of Danburite, the death he was most recently responsible for. White Diamond’s mouth was drawn tight, but she didn’t really seem to be inspecting the bubble. Her gaze was distant, seeing something beyond the shards, something far away from the conversation, beyond the cavernous darkness, something greater than the pale cloud that enveloped them all.

Abruptly, she turned back to his own glimmering enclosure as he drifted lightly through the air. Her voice was flat, face inscrutable. “Your arm must hurt. Will you show it to me?”

That was one of the last thing he would have expected her to say, and though it was phrased like a question, it felt more like a command. Steven took a deep breath and braced himself as he tentatively extended his stained wrist, straightening his arm to fully display the haunting reminders of three Diamond’s wrath, but she frowned at him before the motion was complete.

“No, Steven, your other arm.” Her face shifted ever so slightly to his right side, eyes studying the bandage wrapped around his elbow.

“Oh, this?” It _did_ hurt, but he had stopped noticing such fleeting pains when he had cracked. Comparatively, this was nothing.

He paused, screwing up his face in concentration as he started to switch the arms in front of him when he was caught in a sudden fit of coughing. It sent him backwards violently through the weightless space.

The sensation was as quick as a snapping wire, but he felt each millimeter of pain overwhelm him as the fissure across the Rose Quartz gemstone widened. His lungs constricted painfully, all the air exiting his body for an infinitesimal moment in time. The overwhelming feeling was, in a word, agony, like a star had exploded inside of his mind, all of the color and life leaving his body _just_ long enough for something to change. Something… but he couldn’t tell what. Everything had gone white and radiant in his vision, and then it was over, the devastation leaving nothing visible behind besides a stream of tears across his face.

Steven had to blink several times once it had ended, his lungs and heart not prepared for the chill that swept over him. It had turned even colder – or, maybe that was just him? He couldn’t really tell – dying really, really hurt.

With a quick jerk, Steven extended his right arm in front of him, and he used his other hand to unbandage it carefully.

White Diamond studied the unsightly exit mark of the needle under his badly bruised skin, but Steven did not mind. He was too busy turning over his own brain, wondering, noticing something felt... wrong. It was as abrupt as it was undeniable – something within him was thrown off-balance in response to the delicate fissure that threatened to stop his heart. All of his emotions felt foreign, his ability to reason felt slower, his convictions felt shaken… he was pretty sure it was all still there, bubbling under the surface, but he couldn’t reach them. It wasn’t like he had gone mute, not exactly, because he knew he could open his mouth and speak if he wanted to… but he just didn’t want to. Everything felt… detached.

Absently, his eyes had wandered over the edge of her long fingers once again. He could see the Crystal Gems looking up at him, but he was too far away to tell who was who, so he just stared at them blankly until White Diamond talked at him again.

White Diamond’s voice disturbed his meditation, so he flicked his attention back to her.

“Steven, the chemical within you, _EGF_ , is much more potent than the powers that linger in your inherited psychic lachrymation. It is a natural byproduct of your salivary glands, but it is even more concentrated and abundant when taken straight from the plasma in your blood stream,” she paused, tilting her head as she studied his pallor face.

His pain was evident, the struggle behind his blank expression not going unnoticed by White. It had been written all over his face the moment she studied his weak body over the cliff-face, before she had cared to bubble him – the child was cracked. But it did not matter to her if he was cracked, battered, or hurting; as long as his power could continue to be reaped, she had little concern for his quality of life.

Holding him very closely to her face, she spoke in a low voice. “Your gemstone.”

Delicately, Steven lifted up the tattered ends of the shirt she had given him, just enough that the Rose Quartz was exposed.

The crack started on the left side of the face and extended about halfway across; the origin lines were two thin rivers, meeting in the center where a tiny crater had started to wither away. He would be fine, for now.

She nodded brusquely and Steven released his shirt, letting his arm fall to his side.

“You see, Steven, the relationship between your powers and your organic body… well, you could say the product is something that one might call growth. From nothing but a single shard, your powers can act as the perfect replicator for any extracellular compounds conceivable on the face of any gemstone, so long as it has something to bond to. Iron, oxygen, silicon, carbon… not only does your ability bind any available pieces back together, you can _restore_ the crystalline structure without any of the usual conditions that are necessary when a gem first rises from the dirt. The more EGF present, the faster the regeneration.”

White Diamond paused, holding Steven in her cupped hands as she faced away from the rest of her prisoners. “Do you understand now?”

To be honest, he didn’t _really_ understand, but he got the gist – his spit and his… plasma, those were the important parts. They’re not like healing tears, which it sounds like he didn’t have anyways… They have something that the tears lack – EGF? The Homeworld Peridot had mentioned it to him once or twice, so he knew it was familiar. From the sounds of her explanation, it acts as a sort of amplifier to his powers? The first time White Diamond had brought him to the Kindergarten, she had told him how Rose Quartz gems “repair” each piece of a gem, stretching the bonds that already existed. Now, she made it sound like he didn’t repair or stretch anything, but healed things from the inside out.

The boy nodded his head carefully, and White Diamond closed her eyes. It was a strange thing for her to do, an action Steven typically associated with calming or exasperation, but her face showed neither emotion. He could only guess what she might be thinking about.

After a minute of silence, White Diamond turned around to the others, locked mutely in the green cage far below.

She had not forgotten about them, but she had been bidding her time as a means to consider her options. With the prisoners, the anarchy… matters became less clear. To White, impartial justice was as crucial a component of sovereign rule as any military, any spire, or any depository of resources, but…

Her tone disinterested, White spoke to her subjects. “Pearl, Heliodor, you are dismissed for now. Do not go too far.”

She lowered his bubble all the way to the ground, letting the child hover only feet away from the lutetium container.

“Steven, there is one more thing you should know.”

This was the closest he had come to the others since he had attacked Pearl and Lapis, but his eyes still followed White Diamond as she walked around to the other side of her entrapment, like the Crystal Gems were an exhibition in a museum, an accolade of her accomplishments, a trophy from a war. Her face was unreadable, but her eyes were hard.

Inside the terrarium, the raging storm had died down to a drizzle, washing them all with conflicted, worn emotions. Sapphire sat on the floor with Pearl, both dealing with very different, but very real, sorts of strain. Their eyes looked tired, worn, extinguished, and they weren’t looking at him, either.

Connie and Lapis had their hands pressed up against the wall that was nearest to him, their eyes gleaming but cheeks dry while Amethyst leaned against the opposite wall, looking down at the ground. Ruby was kneeling next to Sapphire and had been trying to calm her, but she paused, keeping her suspicious eyes on White Diamond as she circled them.

It dawned on him for the first time that Peridot was not with them, but maybe they had left her behind in Beach City – someone needed to be protecting Earth, right?

The chilly specter came to a stop next to Steven after a second or third time stalking around the prisoners, her voice calculating.

“The reason I am telling you all of this – I have no intention of letting you leave.”

Steven thought, given recent revelations, that was not at all a surprise. Immortality, gem regeneration? Literally, being able to recover an army of her dead? Of course she wasn’t going to let him go.

“I believe Yellow and Blue… underestimated you. You’re more clever than you realize, and now, you’ve put me in a difficult position. How did you put it the first time we met? Just someone with a hard decision to make?”

She sounded anticipative, expecting some sort of answer as she towered over all of them, so Steven forced himself to speak.

“Yes, My Diamond.” He sounded dead, which, given the situation, was more-or-less appropriate.

Resting a cheek in her hand, White pondered aloud. “Treason, insubordination, disobedience… they are all grounds for shattering under my authority, at minimum. I don’t need to tell you how your cohort measures up in that regard,” she bent down and examined them like a zookeeper might inspect animals in a cage. A few of the Gems met her gaze fiercely, the rest continuing to look away, their nerves tattered and frayed from the stress, the loss, the defeat.

“But they are not the problem. No, once again, that is _you_.” She leered over him, her voice forged from iron.

“Your mother will never face her fate, as much as it displeases me, but I still must have justice. So, in her place should be you… but your capabilities surpassed even my expectations, and now you are too valuable to die. You will not be killed, though it is the punishment you deserve.”

Nearly all of them, even delicate Sapphire, had shaken the spell of frustration that settled over them as White Diamond continued, standing close to the green alloy. Many banged fists, placed pleading hands against the wall, or spoke unintelligible words to him. Pearl was the only one who stayed away; she was standing now, but she was motionless, her head turned upwards as she stared at the Diamond with dangerous eyes.

“And to make matters more complicated, now _I_ am indebted to you – you have done Homeworld a great service, Steven. You brought the remainder of the rebels out of hiding, back to Homeworld so they may face their punishment; you elicited the foolishness of my fellow Diamonds, so I could judge their misgivings appropriately and holistically; and, perhaps most valuable of all, your powers now provide Homeworld with unbridled potential. You returned me to life with your powers, and that is only the beginning of what you could do. Corruption, artificial fusions, fallen heroes and shattered enemies…” She had raised her head from her cheek, and now she was peering down at him. Both of her brows were raised skeptically, measuring Steven’s reaction.

“You know, for as unnatural a creature as you are, Steven, your sense of duty seems to come quite naturally.”

He didn’t really know how to feel about that.

“So, the way I see it, you _must_ live, but a prisoner you shall remain. Then I ask myself – if you must live, then what shall those conditions look like? I would rather you _not_ resist every time I have need of you. You could be a valuable asset to my rule, Steven; we need not go on existing in constant strife. Think about it – you, a motherless child, and I, a childless mother – we could complement each other, making up for the failures of our families. In the spirit of moving on, then, I suggest we make a… deal of sorts.”

The life that had drained from inside the green box resurged with unexpected fervor as her lips curled into a tiny, wicked smile. It did not take a genius to understand where this was going.

“Steven, let me be clear.” He frowned and looked up at her, his brain still dragging behind. None of this felt real, her words absorbing into his skin like the punches against the inside of the lutetium chamber – hard and painful, but accomplishing nothing.

“I am not like Blue; I have nothing to gain by tricking you into some false sense of security.  I have every intention of killing them, _all_ of them – but I will give you the opportunity to choose who shall be the one to bloody their hands: I could kill them, and they shall face the fullest extent of their punishment as planned… or, you could kill them, in any way that you see fit. It could be as painless as you choose, but you must be the one to decide. Once you reach a decision, I’m afraid there will be no going back.”

White Diamond’s features softened just a tiny bit as her gaze wandered to their right, and she added a final thought.

“It would be understandable if you choose not to do it; is not an easy thing to do, to strike down the ones we care for, even if it is for the best. I would know.” Her eyes lingered on the pile of yellow shards next to the palanquin of the same color.   

Then a crushing silence fell over all of them, even those within the green box. Steven looked at the people that he loved more than anything… Lapis, Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Amethyst, Connie, and then he looked up to the white terror to his right. And finally, he looked down at his hands, shaking at the proposition.

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Steven let his eyes flicker over each one of his friends. Lapis looked like she was going to come apart, grabbing her hair madly, her eyes filled with tears. To her left was Connie, one hand placed against the green veil while the other gripped his mom’s sword. Ruby and Sapphire were holding each other, Ruby whispering something and Sapphire watching him with a hand over her mouth. Amethyst and Pearl were standing together, a plump hand locked with a thin one, one looking down at the ground while the other was still frozen, looking up at White Diamond.

So… he was here again, the life of his friends in his hands, and he really was out of things to bargain with. White Diamond had been clear – _they_ will suffer and be killed slowly, or _you_ will suffer by killing them quickly. There was no room for discussion, no alternatives, nothing he could do. Either scenario ended with him staying on Homeworld, White Diamond’s prisoner, his friends and family dying.

If he refused White Diamond’s offer… Steven cringed when he thought of the suffering he had been made to endure, the waves of horrible pain that crept up and clenched his heart again and again while here. He couldn't make them live through that.

But then, could he really… kill them? He could take his time, say good-bye, and he could make it painless.

Steven’s eyes lingered over Connie’s pretty face for a long moment, his eyes welling with warm tears when he thought about the life they could have had. He wondered if Pearl told her about what he said in the dream… it would be so hard, so _so_ hard to hurt her, but would it be better than making her feel the burning, the hopelessness, the hunger and the emptiness he had felt?

And White Diamond was right, as much as it hurt to admit. It was his fault they had ended up here, his captivity forcing them away from the safety of Earth to try to rescue him. Dully, his eyes shifted to Pearl, thinking about the dream. If only he had been clearer, told her what was at stake… but that chance had passed.

Sighing heavily, Steven looked from his scarred arm to his wounded one, thinking. He had shattered, led his friends straight into a trap, been lied to and fooled. He was the paradox, the key, the half-human, the half-gem. He was half of Stevonnie, Smoky Quartz, and Opalite. He was the son of the rebel Rose Quartz. He had been here before, deciding who lives, and who dies.

He was Steven, and he made deals with Diamonds.

Finally, Steven looked up, his voice cold enough to match the Diamond’s own.

“I’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I typically do not leave notes on chapters that are not in denominations of 0 and 5, but I wanted to take a moment to send warm wishes to all of those who have been or may be afflicted by Hurricanes Harvey and Irma. Readers, friends, and anyone who may see this message - stay safe.


	33. Last Waltz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems say goodbye, and someone dies.

Steven held his discolored forearm weakly with his opposite hand, rubbing his electric veins.

Suspended high in the air once again, he suddenly found White Diamond’s intimidating gaze a relief – anything, even her terrifying face, was a welcome escape from the crushing disappointment that emanated from within the green prison.

White Diamond was talking at him, her words bouncing around inside his brain, so Steven tried to focus, but it was hard. He couldn’t escape the haunting image of the Crystal Gems before he was lifted to face her once again.

It was difficult to decide whose expression caused him the most pain, all of their faces twisted with hurt and disappointment and anger and sadness when he sealed their fate, agreeing to kill them with his own hands. How could they not understand? They had to see he was doing the best he could, trying to give them all a final bit of peace that at least they wouldn’t have to suffer. Maybe it was a product of ignorance – not having seen what he’s seen, been forced to do what he’s done, they _couldn’t_ understand, not truly. But the moment he looked down from White Diamond and met their gaze, it had completely destroyed him.

His eyes instinctively searched for the deep, concerned browns that usually shined with life in Connie’s face – she understood him better than almost anyone, surely her she would calm his shaking hands. But, he never found her patient frown, couldn’t see her hurting eyes; she had turned her back to him, her head down and her posture hard. It was difficult to tell through the green curtains, but he was pretty sure like her fists were clenched and shaking.

Then there was Lapis, whose ocean of heartbreak had finally drowned her. She snapped in a way Steven hadn’t seen since they came face-to-face with Jasper on his Dad’s boat – she let go of her wings, lowered herself to the surface, and faced him with low eyes. There was something in the way she clutched her arms, the way she squeezed so tightly she might poof herself that dragged hooks through Steven’s stomach… A specific, targeted pang of guilt made him suck in a sudden breath, like the wind had been knocked out of him – Lapis had come and gone from Earth and Homeworld, and each time she ended up a prisoner; both times she tried to return here, she was detained, and it was his fault. This time, however, she wasn’t going to be used for information – she was going to die, and he was going to be the one to kill her.

Amethyst, too, was facing him, and she was one of the only one who met his gaze. In a lot of ways, he wished she hadn’t. The deep purples of her eyes, usually crinkled up, half-way through a joke, or the smile that was always just a moment away from a crafty smirk had been totally drained of life. All of her features looked like they were pulled down by Homeworld’s gravity, her characteristic nonchalance deteriorating, turning into total detachment. Her face was engraved in disappointment and, even worse, _acceptance_. Every line of her expression made it clear that she was about to face her end, and she had been prepared to do that on more than a handful of occasions, but never like this. Never here, never by her lil’ man, her Tiger, the other best-worst Crystal Gem.

Behind her was Pearl, and he had never seen her look like this before. There was a sadness in her eyes, finally torn away from White Diamond and looking at him, that made him confused and uneasy. When Pearl became sad, usually, he expected her to have tears in her eyes or her shoulders to be slumped. This Pearl was different – hardened, cold, and yet still very, very hurt. She wasn’t just seeing him, but studying him, questioning him with her stare – _why, Steven?_ The devastation in her expression, the closest thing he’s ever had to a _true_ mother… it was like she was watching a movie of his youth, eyes absorbing the images and wondering how they got here. He was always her baby, sweet and gentle, kind and compassionate, and she had watched those pieces of him grow from infant to adolescent to young man. But she was looking at him now like she had never seen him before, like he was a stranger in a cold world.

And finally, there was Ruby and Sapphire, huddled together off to one-side, neither of them looking at him. The red gem had not a trace of anger in her, which Steven _would_ have expected from her, her boiling rage instead turning into steaming tears, unable to leave a soothing coolness across her cheeks. She had worried so much about Steven for so long, hoping fiercely that she would be able to protect him, that she might one day see him fully in control of his powers. It had been her tender-hearted half of Garnet that had let him fruitlessly try to heal the corrupted gems in the Bubble Room back at the Temple – Sapphire was already full aware that it would never work – but she wanted him to try, to have the chance to stumble so he might catch himself the next time. This… here… was never what she had in mind.

Maybe it was what he needed to see, but the final crack in his resolve festered with the blue gem, Garnet’s other half. Unlike the others, Sapphire had fully accepted what was going to happen; once they were lifted from the ground, the heavy-hand of White Diamond lifted from much of her future vision. She had seen it, and it was so likely that there was no reason running from her fate. Steven had been tasked with an impossible responsibility, and there was really nothing he could do.

But, that wasn’t as satisfying a reaction as Steven had hoped. Her eye was hidden, not bothering to look at him fully, her hands resting in her lap simply while she waited for her execution. Although he didn't know what she saw, it was clear that she was resigned to whatever beheld the future, not torn between a milieu of confusion or hurt; he was not indecisive, and she could see that, and somehow that made it even worse. He _wanted_ the future to have other options, to not be so cut-and-clear as he promised to end their lives, but the finality in her gaze was penetrating.

Why deny the truth, though? He had spoken the words, White Diamond had made it clear that there would be no turning back, so he had to do this. No matter how much his heart hurt, no matter how badly his hands trembled, no matter how deeply he hated himself, he had to do this. He _had_ to.

“And _how_ would you like to do it?”

White Diamond’s alarming stare widened marginally as she posed the question to him, loud enough that he came back to the present, but only barely.

This was really not his forte, discussing the best possible way to murder his family and friends right in front of them, but he didn’t seem to have much of a choice if she demanded answers. He’s seen Blue Diamond crush and Yellow Diamond vaporize; he smashed a Rose Quartz, cracking her until she shattered; he felt the heavy grip of a weapon in their hands when they crushed the Amethyst with a single blow; he knew the disturbing power trip of crushing a gemstone under their feet; and he had watched White Diamond herself be shattered with a sword.

“I guess… can I just do what you did to… Blue Diamond?” Speaking in his current condition still felt like an imposition, a strange annoyance.

Detaching the gem from the body gently seemed like the most… humane approach? Maybe that was just a foolish notion as he remembered the fear in the Amethyst’s eyes as the morning star came down or the painful screams of the ghost of his mother in White Diamond’s throne room, but, again, this was _really_ not his forte.

After a reflective pause, she agreed. “That will do, except the girl. She lacks a gem.”

Steven had not thought of that, biting his lip. His mind was barely trudging along, and he couldn’t stomach any ideas that rose to the surface, so he decided to try a different approach.

“Can I… say good-bye, and then decide?”

To his surprise, White Diamond did not hesitate. “Very well.”

She had no fears that he might escape or was scheming – he has already been led too far astray. Even with the proper supervision, a light to guide him, a map to steer the course, he would never be able to stumble back onto the path of the rebel’s so-called-justice. He was too far gone.

Almost bemused, she recalled a passing thought she had when he had collapsed at her feet in her throne room.

 _First, he must learn his place, then, his will must be broken, and then his mind would be hers_. Each stage of his reconditioning had been a success, and she gazed at her prize with a strange mixture hauteur and conceit.

“Heliodor,” White Diamond called over her shoulder indiscriminately. “Bring me a vile of Rose Quartz lachrymal essence.”

She continued to study Steven, eyes returned to their usual oppressive glare. “I cannot risk you shattering by mistake. You shall be healed… _enough_. Enough for you to complete your assignment, but this poses a learning opportunity – there could be valuable insight to be gained about the condition of your own abilities when your body is under extreme stress.”

Steven couldn’t help but cringe at her words, the innuendo clear as day.

 _Well, since you’re already cracked, might as well see what that does to your powers. Get ready for the rest of your life, Steven! Day one, kill your family, then experiments on you and your gem while it’s cracked._ Steven had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes at his own thoughts.

Heliodor had already vanished, so he could only assume that the orange gem was near enough to hear the command and go on her way, but he had no indication of how long it might take. Steven released a tiny sigh of relief that he was going to be healed, even if it wasn’t fully – he felt like his heart was compressing in his chest slowly, but the relief was immediately extinguished by guilt.

_You’re only going to feel better so that you can “complete your assignment.” To regain enough strength to murder your family. You deserve to feel the way you do, if not worse._

Once again, White Diamond interrupted his inner turmoil. “While we have a moment, Steven, why don’t we discuss who should be first? I, for one, am quite partial to watching my old Pearl be the first to die, but I promised it would be your decision.” She tilted her head and examined his puzzled face – yes, just as she thought.

“Ah, I see – you do not know. I am surprised they never told you. This Pearl,” she bent down to inspect the inside of the containment cell again, meeting the gaze of the so-named gem threateningly.

“She was originally made to serve me, and serve me she did, until your mother came along.”

Steven’s eyes went wide at that – peeking over the side of White Diamond’s hand to look at Pearl, but he was too far away. _His_ Pearl?

White Diamond was enjoying this sudden revelation, so she continued. “Oh yes, isn’t it the image of scandal? Not just any Pearl putting a sword in her hand, but _the_ Pearl of White Diamond. She had created _quite_ a racket during the war…”

Steven knew he should be racking his brain for something to say, or something to do, or to come up with some sort of painless death for Connie, but he was too surprised to do anything but gawk. Was she serious? There’s no way, but then, his Pearl’s gem placement…

“I’m just surprised she never told you, but then, there’s a lot she has done that she’s likely not proud of. Serving me, the part she played in the death of my Pink, keeping loyal Homeworld gems captive, like this Lapis Lazuli, and forcing them to serve your mother’s cause…” Her voice was musing, contemplative.

Had he any gravity, Steven would have fallen over. What was she saying? Pearl is so kind, so _good_ – his mom had been the one to shatter Pink Diamond, not Pearl, and what happened with Lapis was a misunderstanding, right?

_But, then again, no one had ever necessarily said mom acted alone… Just that she was the one to actually do it…_

“W-what do you mean, what about, um, Pink, my Diamond?”

But before she could answer, her head snapped up abruptly towards the opening in the cavern.

“That is a tale for another time, I’m afraid. Heliodor has returned,” White Diamond turned her head back to him, softening her expression by degrees. “Don’t worry, Steven. We’ll have plenty of time to catch you up with the truth of your… _Crystal_ Gems.” The familiar lethality in her voice returned in full as the orange gem appeared at the ground beneath them.

“My Diamond.” She bowed her head and offered a tiny vile. Instead of accepting the offer, however, White Diamond held her other hand down for Heliodor to climb into.

“Stay very still.” In one hand, she held the Rose Quartz child, and the other, the Rose Quartz vile, brought together by the Heliodor that had served her so well.

Steven grit his teeth together as the orange gem approached him, once again as he was totally helpless. In fact, this time was even moreso, given that he could twitch at just the right time and die.

Eyeing her warily, Steven watched as Heliodor lifted his bubble higher, cradling it beneath her arms. To no surprise, her face was stoic, as void as the black space of the universe. Then, using a long leg, she kicked up into the base of the bubble to pop it, her arms breaking his fall.

The mercy of the bubble had been greater than Steven realized, and as soon as he landed in the orange gems arms he nearly lost consciousness. His body immediately broke out into a cold sweat, a sudden and violent illness creeping up through his body as his eyes almost rolled back into his head.

_Amethyst hadn’t been so miserable when she cracked… but then again, her body is different. Pain is different for gems, I guess._

For a half-gem, however, the pain was insurmountable. Steven’s organic body was not prepared to process this degree of suffering, stiffening as his muscles fought between constricting and retracing, resulting in horrible convulsions that tried to ease out the aches that pulsated within him.

Thankfully, however, the intensity of the pain was short-lived as a cool trickle played down his stomach. The healing tears had started to work immediately, although they were far fewer than what Amethyst had been exposed to when her gem was healed. Steven drew in a large, sudden breath as his lungs began to rebuild from their collapse, blinking madly as the world started to refocus and change and his brain finally caught up with him. Instinctively, Steven grabbed protectively towards his navel, the cool sensation of the tears on his stomach still crisp against the cold air.

The fissure in the center had disappeared, stretched back to its original shape, but the two thinner cracks that branched out to the left had not been changed. It did not matter right now, though, the feeling returning to his body was so overwhelming that, for a moment, he felt no pain at all.

Thirty seconds passed like this, Steven heaving for air as Heliodor held him in her arms. Even if she was terrifying and hurt him and dragged him here in the first place, all he could manage were fresh, happy tears of relief. It felt like he had been held underwater for hours, finally brought back to the surface, to return to the world. He was _alive_.

But, in many ways, Steven wished in vain he did not have to return to this world. The sinewy gem lowered him to the cold hull of White Diamond’s palm and swiftly moved away, leaping to a nearby cliff-face, and the focal point of his vision was quickly replaced with White Diamond’s features.

Lips pursed, she had raised one eyebrow as he lifted himself meekly onto his elbows, leaning up to meet her gaze. “Welcome back. Now, where were we? Ah, right…”

So quickly that Steven yelped, still not having regained his bearings, White Diamond lowered her hand to the ground once again. He tumbled lightly into the dirt, landing directly in front of the pulsing green cage.

Sitting up automatically, Steven’s eyes went wide as he met the faces of the Crystal Gems. Collectively, they actually looked _relieved_ that he was no longer badly hurt, but that just made the knife of guilt twist painfully in his stomach. They had been rightfully angry and hurt before, he had betrayed them, but they _still_ managed to feel compassion for him even after all that’s happened? Well, all except Pearl, who had turned away and held her arms across her chest, head bowed shamefully… but he could guess why, after what his Diamond had just said about her past.

Steven’s senses caught up with him as deadpanned, looking at the faces behind the veil, and he started to shiver. His breath mixed with the fog once again, but the dance had lost its beauty and grace; now, it was the last waltz, the final twirl before the curtain, but the tempo was changing, too fast, too intense. Steven had to fight to keep himself from hyperventilating.

“So…” His – _White_ Diamond said. She had stepped next to him once again, the pair standing at the front of her captives and his family.

“How should we proceed, Steven?”

It took every one of his nerves not to run to them, to place his hands against the green barrier, to cry and apologize and desperately try to explain how wrong he had been, but he managed to bite his tongue.

Steven opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, his voice catching in his throat. Who – how?

“Um, maybe, can I…” he thought hard for a moment, his arms crossed to keep in some warmth. It was very, very cold.

“Can _I_ go in the, um, box, my Diamond?” Mentally crossing his fingers, Steven hoped this would be an agreeable next step. She had been amicable to the idea of saying goodbye first, and this way, by willingly going into the box, he was demonstrating that he would not try to run.

Cupping her chin in one hand, White Diamond nodded her head like she was processing the idea. “That is… acceptable. But remember, there is no going back, and this might make your choice harder yet.”

Steven nodded his head fervently, just relieved that she didn’t refuse.

In a fluid motion, White Diamond lowered herself and offered her palm to him, a gesture that still made him cringe and for his throat to seize up. Her fingers were pale snakes, long and dangerous, and the crevice in her hand was as cold and white as bone, but… he didn’t think she would hurt him, not anymore.

Carefully, he stepped upwards, and as soon as he had securely sat down in the middle, she gently closed her fingers around him. He could feel the hardness of her skin brush against his hair, and he felt a jerk of motion sickness as her hand moved upwards and then swiftly downwards again, lowering him straight into the lutetium chamber, her hand phasing through the material effortlessly.

The next thing Steven knew, he was rubbing his hands against his eyes to readjust to the sudden change. He was leaning on his side against a slightly warmer floor, and there were six stunned faces looking down at him, all frozen as they all stared between him and each other.

No one spoke at first, all still overcome with disbelief that they were finally, _finally_ together again. It was Sapphire who first broke the silence.

“Wait… He won’t be able to breathe. Give him some space.”

And she was right. Steven’s chest had seized up and he grabbed at his lungs erroneously, feeling the tearing in his throat amplified by the damage to his gemstone. Instinctively, he had started to back away, the pressure too much as they appraised him.

 “Wh-what I, um – I just… this is…” But they were overwhelming him, he couldn’t think, he felt like he was about to pass out and he shook his head to try to regain his senses. This was _not_ the time to go unconscious.

Lightly, Sapphire walked forward, only slightly less intimidating than the others – at least she was not nearly as intense.

“Steven… I think it would be best if we do this one at a time, and maybe…” she turned around, scanning the others, eye resting on the human girl.

“Maybe, if it’s okay with you, Connie could go first.”

Steven support himself weakly with one hand, his chest falling forcefully as he and Connie faced each other for the first time in… how long? He had no idea. She was heartbreakingly beautiful, and he regretted every chance he missed telling her when they were on Earth. There was something different, too – her eyes were a little less caring, her hair had been cut short, and she sported some nasty looking cuts along her right cheek, but they had scabbed over and she didn’t seem to mind. The important thing was she was alive, the sight of her making his heart swell with feeling.

The human girl looked down at him and gently kneeled, lowering Rose’s sword to her right and smiling very, very softly so as not to startle him. Steven just watched her, eyes wide, unsure of what to do. She crawled lightly on her hands and knees, trying to suppress her own pain as her gaze lingered on his arms… they were both torn and damaged in very different but very real ways. It had only been a little over two-weeks, and yet, it feels like the universe had divided them for a millennia.

Once she was only a few inches away, Connie extended a hand, both of them still silent. She wanted to make sure this is what Steven wanted, the hurt and confusion all too evident across his face. He looked at it and one of his eyes twitched uncomfortably, so she gently lowered it to rest on one of his knees. He tensed, but did not move to pull away, so Connie gingerly moved her free hand to his other knee and came another inch closer so that their legs were just barely touching.

They sat like this for several minutes, just searching each other’s eyes for words that were beyond them. What could he say? I love you? I can’t believe I let this happen? You deserve better? I’m sorry? I’m so, so, _so_ sorry?

Incidentally, she was asking herself the same series of questions: How did I let you get so hurt? You deserve someone better, someone stronger who could have protected you. I love you, and I’m so sorry…

Steven was vaguely aware that White Diamond was watching them, which only added to the pressure to do something, to say something, so eventually he let out a weak mumble.

“…H-hi, Connie.” He bit his lip, nervous, but she smiled and squeezed her hands very lightly against his knees.

“Hey, Steven.”

“I, um, I l-like your hair. It looks…” then he placed a hand against his cheek as it flushed red, embarrassed.

_Seriously, Steven? You have to say good-bye, and then literally kill her, and that’s the best you can come up with?_

He spoke softly, covering one of his eyes with his hand in embarrassment. “Sorry. I don’t… really know how this works.”

Maybe it was how tightly her nerves had been wound, maybe it was the butterflies in her stomach when he blushed, or maybe it was just too crazy of a situation, but Connie laughed so suddenly that he flinched away, squeezing his eyes shut in shame. The girl quickly realized her mistake so she stopped abruptly and scooted forward, not allowing him to hide from her again.

“I-I’m sorry Steven, heh, it’s just – I don’t know how this works, either. I don’t think _anyone_ knows how this works.” She beamed at him, and her heart fluttered lightly when he smiled back. It was the first time he smiled like that since Pearl’s dream, and those circumstances were very different. This felt like just another day at the Beach House, playing a video game or talking about a book or making snacks. They were here, together, and it was all they could have asked for.

Steven’s smile flickered, though, his eyes focusing on the many faces beyond Connie’s own.

His words started to pour out in a rush. “I… Connie, I’m so sorry. I never wanted you, or any of you,” he re-positioned himself a bit so the others could see him, hopefully hear the truth in his voice.

“I never wanted you to come. This, everything, it’s so messed up. I’ve done… bad things, Connie. Really, really bad things.” He couldn’t help himself, taking her hands and looking between her at the others, heart pumping furiously.

“I’ve hurt so many people, I never wanted to hurt you. You never had to be a part of this, it was my fault from the beginning, and I could have stopped it. Gar- I mean, Ruby and Sapphire, you were both right.” He released Connie’s hands and stood up, trying to hide his discolored arm as he faced them. Everything he’s kept within started to explode in a tidal wave of emotion.

“I never should have looked into the stupid palanquin, or gone to Korea, or yelled at you. It, I was so stubborn, and then the zoo and Dad and the Famethyst and…” he was about to say Holly Blue Agate, but the name caused him to almost choke. He covered his mouth with a hand, his eyes flickering involuntarily over Amethyst who was crossing her arms and looking down, trying to fight back her own tears.

“ _Amethyst…_ ” Steven whispered, dropping to his hands and knees, head hung low. 

A million thoughts bubbled to his mind, trying so hard to find the words, to manifest an apology great enough to wash away everything he’s done.

“I… never wanted you all to have to deal with my mistakes. I wanted the truth, and I finally got it. But, it wasn’t worth this… It was my fault, I’m what brought you here. I…” he looked at his hands, eyes hard and voice almost inaudible. “I s-shattered gems. Three of them… and I hurt so many more, all of the trials…” He raised his head, but his gaze was far away, looking past them all, back to that horrible white room, but he couldn’t waste any more time.

“Then I hurt you, Lapis, and you Pearl… I don’t expect you to forgive me, and even if you did I wouldn’t deserve it. Just… I didn’t – I don’t have any choice, I have to…” weakly, Steven glanced to his side and saw his mom’s sword that Connie had left behind. He crawled towards it and looked at his reflection in the blade – he looked like a ghost of himself, pale and thin and haunting.

There was a tense silence as Steven stared at himself, his tears finally betraying him. He had gone on as long as he could, but now that he started he couldn’t stop. There was so much pain, so much regret, so much fear and anger and shame bottled up and he had finally lost his nerve, and everything blurred together like a vindictive tempest, threatening to wipe him away with his feelings. 

“I… should be the one to die. Not you…”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Steven seriously thought about taking the sword and using it against himself, but White Diamond would stop him, and it couldn’t shatter him anyways. It was just another painful reminder of his mother and her legacy, and he was following right in her footsteps. Betrayl, shattering, abandoning the ones who mattered most…

Steven wanted to look up at them, to continue to apologize, to try to iterate how badly this hurt him, but all he could do was continue to clench his eyes and let the waves of guilt crash over him – he didn’t even mind the numbing pain that exuded from his cracked gemstone anymore. Involuntarily, the thought triggered the devious words of White Diamond in his brain.

 _Sometimes, emotional pain is just as effective as physical pain._ Did she want this?

Had he not been so consumed in grief, Steven might have noticed the tears being pulled from his cheeks by invisible hands, or the flash of a fusion in front of him, or a hand moving the sword away from him. Then there were arms, mostly cold but a few warm, lifting him off the ground, propping him up, and then there was the smell of strawberries and salt that swam through his brain, and when he finally opened his eyes he was surrounded by all of them. Pearl and Lapis and Garnet and Amethyst and Connie were all holding him gently, trying to weather the storm with him, letting him calm down and come to an understanding in his own way. They were silent for a moment as Steven just sat there, not bothering to try to hide his arm, nearly collapsing from exhaustion as they squeezed him lovingly.

For just a brief moment, it felt like home.

Finally, Pearl pulled back, and the others started to withdraw along with her. Steven tried to meet her eyes but his shame was still too raw to bear to look at her. She placed a gentle hand on his cheek, though, and pulled his face up to look at her. He was amazed, so struck that he almost cried, to find that she was smiling. Her eyes were sad and hair was tousled, but somehow, she still looked happy beneath it all.

“Steven… we love you. Of course we don’t blame you for this, for any of this. You’ve done so well, fought so hard… We – I…” she sniffled meekly and hugged him again, and after a pause she was interrupted by Garnet who lifted him fully into the air from beneath from beneath his arms. Holding him out in front of her, Steven looked at all three of her eyes (her visor having been removed at some point) and was fondly reminded of the lighthearted way they would play when he was smaller. His arms dangled childlishly over her hold on him, and her eyes moved involuntarily to his shaking fists.

 _Tiny hands… my only weakness_.

Resisting the urge to cry herself, Garnet smiled lightly at her little boy. “What Pearl is trying to say, we _all_ wish it didn’t have to be this way. We should have been able to protect you, so things never got to be like this. _We_ were the ones to fail you, Steven. You never should have had to face this alone.” Steven blinked at her several times, her words not fully processing. They weren’t… mad at him? Disappointed?

Before he could respond, she gently set him down on his feet again, and he found himself face-to-face with Amethyst. They were staring at each other uncomfortably, not sure how to broach all of the unspoken reality between them, until finally Amethyst sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes.

“Just, get _over_ here.” She hugged him fiercely, holding him in a way that spoke more than words could. _It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry. You never did anything wrong. We missed you. I missed you._

Tears started to line his lids again and he gratefully returned the hug, saying nothing, but gasped suddenly when the wetness around his eyes floated away. Blinking at the odd sensation, Lapis was smiling a small, sad smile just behind Amethyst, so the purple gem released him and let them have their moment.

She knelt down and placed a hands on each of Steven’s shoulders, holding him at arm’s length. He needed to hear this from her.

Softly, she looked straight into his eyes. “Steven… I, we all know about… _Opalite_.” He winced in her grasp, automatically trying to cringe away, but she held him firm. The blue gem had expected him to resist, but she needed to give him this peace.

“Steven, stop. Listen to me. I can’t image what that was like, but you don’t have to carry it with you anymore. You’re more than _they_ were – just like, I’m… more than I was with Jasper. You were the one to teach _me_ that, that I could be more than Malachite.” The others had all become tense, a heavy cloud settling over them. This was one of the conversations they had all dreaded the most, too private and too painful, but Lapis had no choice but to talk in front of the others. This would be the last time she would have this chance.

Steven opened his mouth to speak, but Lapis shook her head.

“No, _listen_ , Steven. What you did… how you must have felt… It’s horrible. There aren’t words… but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. It feels like it’s still you in your mind, but at the same time, it doesn’t. Right?” Mutely, Steven nodded. Even if their situations had been different, there was something about the look in her eyes that told him that she really did understand. She had been the Holly Blue Agate, and he had been the Jasper, but still…

Steven spoke this time before he could stop her, his voice cracking through the painful memory. “F-fusion, like that… it… it…”

She finished for him. “Changes you.”

Hanging his head, Steven couldn’t help but feel his stomach lurch, guilt swelling inside of him again. He shouldn’t feel relieved, but he did – he was supposed to be apologizing, telling them how much he didn’t mean to hurt them, and _they_ were the ones comforting him.

The blue gem pulled Steven into an understanding embrace, letting him melt into her arms. He didn’t know how much he needed this until she had said the words out loud, and he wouldn’t trade this moment for anything.

But, despite himself, Steven started to laugh as he felt a tickle on his toes. Lapis pulled back and looked confused, and they both glanced down at his feet to see the robonoid that had become captive with the others pushing up against him. Connie had been standing behind them, so she lightly kicked it away, rolling her eyes.

“That thing was unlucky enough to get stuck with us. It’s kind of nice company, though,” her voice was as light as a cloud, her presence at his shoulder making his lungs suddenly work a little harder. He realized the smell of strawberries from earlier had been her, something he failed to appreciate when they were on Earth.

Wordlessly, Steven untangled himself from Lapis and faced Connie properly this time. Very carefully, he grazed his thumb across the cuts on her cheek, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

“Connie…” His heart hurt, but she took his hand in hers and lowered it to the side, smiling again.

“It’s fine, Steven. I promise.” She looked down shyly at first but her features became tense, so Steven followed her gaze and realized she was looking at the colorful scars that spread up and down his left arm. He sighed and lifted it up between them, not letting go of her other hand.

“I know. It’s pretty… bad.” He finished lamely. Words like horrific, disturbing, and terrifying came to mind, but he didn’t want to ruin this moment.

She lightly placed her hand against the glowing skin and pushed his arm down so neither of them were looking at it anymore, and their eyes met again. Steven felt himself redden; they were standing very close.

“I, um, well…” he started awkwardly, and the heat and radiance coming off of her made him stop. He had to pause and take a steadying breath, starting again.

“Connie, I’m sorry you came all of this way for things to end up like this. But, I… I want you to know, I should have told you a long time ago, and now I wish we had more time…”

The girl raised her brows curiously as Steven struggled, feigning ignorance. Steven didn’t know whether or not she had heard what he said in Pearl’s dream.

“Connie Maheswaran.” His tone was stiff, only making him feel more awkward. Steven cleared his throat, the back of his neck feeling hot, forgetting about everything and everyone else for just a brief moment.

“S-sorry. This is still a lot. Just, Connie I…”

_Deep breath._

“I love you.”

She squeezed his fingers, fitting so perfectly between her own, and raised her free hand to her face, pressing the cool skin against the sudden warmth of her cheek bashfully. “Steven, I…”

But she was cut off, a deafening voice compared to their whispers bouncing around the small green space. Steven was grabbed suddenly, and lifted up through the ceiling. It felt like he had been thrown into a cold pool of water after a warm dip in the ocean, his body being thrown into a fit of shivers as he was dropped unceremoniously into White Diamond’s palm. Her voice was sharp, her gaze harsh as he started coughing; the wear on his body was starting to catch up, the strain of lack of sleep, lack of food, and the constant exposure of the cold made worse by the sudden change.

“That should be sufficient. What is your decision on the girl?”

He was panting hard, feeling a stabbing in his joints as his gemstone continued to pulse painfully. Still, it was nowhere near as bad as it had been, so he shook his head and tried to look up.

“I…” but his mouth had gone dry – she had been right. All of his will to go through with the plan, to save them from the suffering he had been made to endure had vanished once they were hugging him, forgiving him… It should have made it easier, but it only made it much, much worse.

He peered down between White Diamond’s fingers, hoping an answer would somehow drift up to meet him. What could he do? Something painless, think, Steven, _think…_

His Diamond was frowning at him now, wanting to be over and done with this nonsense, but she was also enjoying herself. He always acted just as expected – his will would falter, and it would only make it all the more painful when he had to actualize his promise.

After the hybrid stared blankly downwards for perhaps a minute, she raised her hand to her face, tilting her head and resting it in her massive palm.

“You best choose soon, Steven, or else I’ll have to decide for you.”

Cringing at the prospect, Steven flung out the first option he could think of, wanting to throw out _anything_ but whatever White Diamond might suggest.

Without skipping a beat, she reached her long fingers into the lutetium prison once again, pulling the human girl out and dropping her into the dirt.

“ _Connie!_ Wait, no, I – ” but it was too late. Before he could even breathe, Steven was dropped onto the ground himself, next to Connie as she struggled to pull herself up into a push-up position. White Diamond had finally come to a stop, finished pacing and lecturing, now fully enjoying herself. An ethereal creamy throne had emerged from nothing, and she sat like a malevolent idol before them, watching one and a-half human children struggle at her feet.

Steven struggled to stand, but stand he did, breathing hard but stopping when a tremor run up and down his spine.

The Rose Quartz had cracked a tiny bit further from the jerking movements, and he fell forward uselessly onto his knees again. He was sucking in a hard breath, but forced himself to focus, even if it felt like the neurons in his brain were on fire.

“W-wait, my Diamond! P-please…” he was breathing hard, struggling as his vision swam with tears. “Let me, just… I just want it… to be painless.”

White Diamond folded her hands together as she watched him struggle, pleased they were making progress.

“Painless? Well, why didn’t you just say so? That’s easy.”

As easily as if she was summoning a bubble, White Diamond flicked her wrist lightly as the fog started to thicken and swirl, a private cyclone of suffocating miasma swirling violently around the human girl before she even had realize what was happening. The light was totally opaque around her, and Steven tried to get up but winced as a stabbing shot through his midsection.

_No, no no, no no no, NO –_

As quickly as it had started, the swirling mist had grown still, and Connie laid on the ground, unmoving. Steven clenched his teeth and dragged himself over to her, tilting her head to face upwards.

“C-Connie, no, no, please…” And his heart stopped when he realized she was awake, alive, but only just. Her eyes were drooping heavily as if she was just falling asleep – whatever had happened, the mist had gone inside her and it was streaming lightly from her mouth. Steven was crying in earnest now, shocked and horrified and holding her – she was as cold as the air around them, and his wracking sobs twirled in a playful way with the mist.

“C-Connie, can you hear me?”

Lazily, she blinked her eyes open again. “Steven?” He laughed and nodded.

“Yes, Connie, it’s me. It’s o-okay, I’m here. Let me try to… um, heal you.” Now was not the time to try to be bashful, so he lowered himself to try to kiss her.

And he did, lightly letting his lips linger on hers, hoping it was enough, but she didn’t really kiss back. His heart was hammering against his ribs, eyes brimming with tears as he looked down, trying to look into her own; they were barely open, but she was smiling.

“Oh… yeah… me, too. Love you, too.”

And then, the last of the white mist trailed from her lips, and Connie closed her eyes.

She was gone.


	34. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some gems, new and old, are found, while others are lost.

“C-Connie?” He shook her lightly when she fully closed her eyes. It felt like he was drowning again, like someone was forcing ice cold water down his throat and refusing to let up.

_N-no, wait, but… I knew I said I could do this, but, Connie… no…_

Again, denial, and he jostled her softly. “… _Connie_?” His voice didn’t sound like him at all, turned into nothing but a choking, gasping whisper.

Inside the green box, several of the gems were covering their mouths with their hands, eyes closed and looking away, but they could still hear him. Pearl had sunk to her knees, crying in earnest, and Garnet barely managed to hold herself together. She had seen them dying, but not like this.

Steven continued to cry, holding her, trying to get her to wake up.

_She… can’t be gone, right? No, this is another of those white Sapphire’s kisses, a sick nightmare, a twist of fate, a cruel illusion. She can’t, she can’t, she can’t be…_

But as he tried again to rouse her, her soft hair rolled across his arm as her head lolled unresponsively to one side. She wasn’t breathing, and she was so, so cold.

He knew it was foolish, but Steven thought about Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran – what would he tell them? Of course, a cynical part of his brain chided him for bothering to think about it.

_You’ll never go back to Earth, never see them again, never get to explain, or apologize, or die of your own guilt. You’re stuck here. This – this is your life now._

White Diamond interrupted Steven’s soul-shattering crying, her voice as cold as the girl’s body in his arms. “It’s done, Steven, per your request. Now, how would you like to proceed with the others? All at once, or one by one?”

Steven did not answer her at first, just breathing hard and looking down into Connie’s pretty, empty face. She looked so peaceful like this – at least it really did seem painless. His lips were still tingling from the kiss, a kiss he had envisioned and dreamed about dozens of times, but now it made him feel sick. His healing powers were too weak, like White Diamond said, and now Connie was dead.

“I don’t think… I can do this.” He didn’t turn to face her and did not have the strength to bother with formalities or etiquette, even if he knew he should have. Steven _wanted_ to be punished, to make White Diamond so mad that she might kill him – he deserved it.

Standing up, the supremacy of her presence emanated dangerously over him, over those within her lutetium prison, and over the shards and bodies of those who had died around them. She was displeased but unsurprised by the boy’s weakness.

“Don’t be like Blue, Steven – ruled by your emotions. With time, you will learn to overcome such petty sentimentality. You waste your tears on one life, yet, _you_ said you wanted this, didn’t you?”

Steven cringed as her voice came closer, her footfalls telling him she was only a few feet away. Was that really true? Looking into Connie’s mute features, each line drawn peacefully into rest, he could do nothing but use his thumb to rub the cuts on her cheek once again. How could it be that only moments ago she was smiling, giggling, inhaling painfully at the very same sensation?

He knew he wanted to keep them all from suffering, that was true, but… this, this was a different sort of torture, an unspeakable kind of loss.

Out of habit, Steven realized he had interwoven his fingers with Connie’s, but there was no return in pressure, no comfortable warmth, nothing. And yet, he could still hear her voice in his mind.

_It’s okay to think about it. There’s nothing else you could’ve done – you have to be honest about how bad it feels… so you can move on._

 

Lapis could hear them speaking on the other side of the wall, but the words did not make sense.

 _Steven… Connie, they…_ she couldn’t even formulate the words, covering her mouth, eyes filled with tears as she thought selfishly about Peridot. It hadn’t felt real until she had seen it unravel before her, but the crushing loss of both the human girl she had grown attached to, and, more personally, the loss of _Peridot_ had finally caught up with her. She had been able to push the thoughts away, to the side, hoping the little green gem would be okay and resurface in all of this chaos. But this was the sort of conditions from the war she had seen – senseless killing, death, hopelessness. Why had she been so foolish as to believe Peridot would be alive? Why had she let herself get dragged back into this again?

Unbeknownst to her, she had started to rock back and forth, muttering to herself.

“No… _but this…_ no… Peridot… _Connie…_ ” It was private, and the others were too consumed with their own grief to pay her any mind.

Garnet was ensorcelled by her inner Ruby, too furious to be sad right now. Gritting her teeth together, she was turned away from Steven, Connie, and White Diamond as she clenched her shaking fist. There were so many things wrong with this, she didn’t even know where to begin. They were _children_ , not gems, not fighters, not warriors – and yet, Homeworld had dragged them both here, one to die and the other to live a life worse than death. Naturally, her hands had started to twitch as she thought about her failures as a guardian and a leader, as a friend and a companion, as a Crystal Gem.

The heedful part of her mind wandered abstractly as she squeezed her hands harder – why does life exist only for it to end? Had she really been foolish enough to think she might live forever? Maybe it was the helplessness of love, Ruby and Sapphire intertwined in a sort of nebulous bliss that wasn’t comprehensible in the mortal world, but _she_ was not immortal. Once they are torn apart, once one of them is struck down (Garnet clutched for where her heart might be, thinking of Stevonnie), her existence would cease to be. A life as long as theirs – as long as her – must someday come to an end, and for the happiness of her two-halves to have value, there must be darkness alongside the light. And someday, it was inevitable, the darkness would catch up to them, the only thing that could eclipse a love as bright as her.

On her knees, Pearl cried bitter tears. She could only wish now that she was overcome with the numbness from before, because this pain was very real, very present, and it ran very deep. Connie, her student, her friend, so much like her… They were so alike, in fact, she could not help but draw parallels between the girl and Steven, and Rose and herself – but this time, everything was backwards. It was the life that would have been, had she died during the war, and she could not have wanted Rose to feel the pain that she saw in Steven’s face, heard in his voice. He – she – they were all too interwoven, close and the same, but different and far away. Now, Steven had lost his Rose, and Pearl could feel her brain swirl like a bottomless void. In a way, she had never understood the two of them more, but she felt like a stranger in her own skin, so how could that be?

Amethyst was restless, anxious, angry, and desperate – she was so much, and yet, she felt like nothing. Everything made sense when she had a whip in her hand, when she could take on her enemies head on, or even rely on the others to help her confront her inner-demons. But she was as trapped in her mind as they all were in this green prison, her emotions incomprehensible as the world moved beyond the green veil. In a way, it felt like they had been the ones to die, specters haunting Steven and Connie and White Diamond just beyond, nothing moving or changing within, while everything changed and was thrown into ruin across the void. How do you transverse the rivers of hell, return from the world of the living to the dead, when everything felt like nothing? How do you put into words the kind of defeat, the kind of emptiness, the kind of bitterness that made her eyes water and her hands shake?

_You don’t – you **can’t**. There’s no explanation bad or wrong enough. There’s no happy ending that ties up the story, no moral lesson, because that’s not life. Life is hard, and life is ruthless, and now, your life is about to end. _

And though it felt like a year had passed in the air between them, only a minute had as they all sank deeper into defeat.

There was a clang that made them all jump, however, loud and ringing as they looked around with dead eyes. Lapis saw it first, and let out a frustrated scream as the robonoid crawled along the walls and fell from the ceiling, too stupid to realize its own weight would make it fall once it reached the top.

“Just _stop!_ ” She leapt and grabbed it easily as it tried to reach the ceiling again. Putting pressure between her blue fingers, Lapis began to crush the stupid, hapless robot between her hands. It felt _good_ to destroy something – it was the reason she had come here, not to watch Steven be destroyed.

 

Steven knew he should release Connie, set her down and face the truth, but it hurt too much to let her go. Shivering, Steven tucked a lock of her short hair behind her ear as if she was just asleep, like the tickle on her face might wake her. But nothing would wake her… nothing.

White Diamond had moved around to the other side, standing between the lutetium cage and the boy, prepared to move ahead even if she had to drag him along when there was a sudden sound. It was nearby, with them in the Kindergarten, and it came from behind the palanquin. Eyes narrowed into slits, White waved her hand and sent the yellow garrison crashing into a wall, wanting to isolate the source and destroy it; likely an unaccounted for gem that had followed Blue and Yellow into the Kindergarten.

And she had been correct. She would have expected one of their Pearls, but to her surprise, it was an Agate. A familiar Agate, at that.

Steven had jumped in response to the sudden crash, but he still refused to turn around. It wasn’t until he heard the voice that his heart cracked, and his head jerked upright in horror.

“W-White Diamond, your Grand Omnipotence, how unexpected to see you here! I was just trying to aid m-my Diamond in a request, when I seemed to have taken some damage. I retreated to my gemstone, but I h-have returned!” Holly Blue Agate stood tall, trying to sound confident and proud, ready to return to her assignment, but the fear and confusion in her voice clear as day. White Diamond stood alone, both the Diamonds she arrived with gone, the hybrid child and the infuriating human girl at her feet, and the intruders were trapped in a lutetium prism.

Automatically, Steven threw up his pink bubble, too unnerved right now to do much else. With Connie in his arms, his only instinct was to defend, even if he couldn’t protect her anymore.

Her expression sharp and her voice dripping with malice, White Diamond appraised the trembling subject. She let her gaze flicker between the sudden Rose Quartz bubble at her feet and the unexpected company.

“You… you are the Agate who fused with Steven, are you not?” White Diamond already knew the answer, but measuring reactions can be as useful a tool as raw information.

Holly Blue bowed low, her voice even more nervous than before. “Y-Yes, that is correct! Under strict orders of Y-Yellow Diamond, of course. And y-you had summoned me to y-your, throne room…once…” her voice trailed off when she glanced up, White Diamond’s expression not inviting added explanation.

“A simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ will suffice, Agate. Come closer.” White beckoned her with spindly fingers, curling them towards her threateningly. Holly Blue dare not defy her, so she hurriedly marched towards the group.

Steven’s whole body had started to shake, between the cold and the voices playing in his head.

How could this be happening – now, _her_ , here? The last thing he could stand to think about right was the way Holly Blue Agate whispered _ours_ when he was in White Diamond’s throne room, or the weight of her arm slung across his shoulder. But the voices came, Holly Blue Agate and Connie and Opalite and White Diamond and everyone, all wrapped around his brain, the tremors growing worse as he spiraled.

Steven breathing had become labored, and he realized he was probably very close to passing out, but he didn’t bother to calm himself. Right now, really, that would be a welcome change.

Once Holly Blue had come just a few feet from the human children, White Diamond lowered herself almost all the way to the ground, so her face was only a foot away from the pink bubble that sealed them in.

“You should realize by now,” White Diamond said. “I am not needlessly cruel. You may think so, but that is untrue. I simply have tasks I must complete, and I have ways of getting what I want. Everything I do is for the good of my people, even if you fail to see that.”

Steven looked up at her, her eyes especially treacherous beyond the shining orb that separated them. Before he could try to think of a response, she continued.

“And I always get what I want, Steven, even if it is by _any_ means necessary…” She raised an eyebrow, daring him to challenge her.

_Oh._

With some difficulty, Steven managed to find his voice, weak though it was. “I… _you_ … ” But he couldn’t continue, and he didn’t need to. The threat was already there, verifying it verbally wouldn’t make it less real.

 _Kill them and let us move on, or I’ll make you._ And with Holly Blue so conveniently close…

All he could do was release a few more heavy tears, but he lowered his head and spoke again.

“Okay. Okay – just – all at once, please. Just let them all out and I’ll d-do it, just, please…”

White Diamond raised herself back to her full height, smiling malevolently. “Very good, Steven. I knew you had it in you. I think you’ll do just fine on Homeworld after all.”

 

Had Pearl not been in the cage with the others to see it happen, she would never have believed it. What sort of twisted, messed up universe was this? That something like _this_ could happen, but only too late?

 _Was_ it too late? Did she dare let a tiny seed of hope take form in her heart?

For the first time ever, the Crystal Gems were unanimously _glad_ to see Holly Blue Agate, because she was just the distraction they needed when Lapis had crushed the robonoid out of frustration. They knew they had been reunited when they were first trapped here by Heliodor, but none of them had suspected the passing thought to be so literal.

Lapis had fallen over backwards, hitting her head into the green wall as a light glow of the same color emitted from the pile of goop on the ground. There was a soft glow that filled the small space, so sudden in the darkness that many of them shielded their eyes. Then, as quickly as it started, it was over – there was a light tap against the ground, and they all lowered their hands in search of the source.

Small and green as the box they were trapped in stood Peridot, arms crossed proudly.

“I, but – _wah? You?_ I, but – ”Amethyst was the first to speak, but her words were as jumbled and confused as the others.

Lapis looked like she had seen a ghost, which, she sort of had.

“P-P… _Peridot?_ Is that really _you?_ ” But it was a useless question – it was _obviously_ their Peridot.

Without limb enhancers, she was only about as tall as Amethyst, but her hair still made up for a few inches. Pointed less rigidly, her blonde tresses no longer formed a perfect triangle. Instead, her hair extended into three longer tips in the same directions, but with new additions – two shorter tails of hair down just below her neck. It was like her whole head was framed by a pale, soft star that made her look less… unnatural? A star was _still_ pretty unnatural, but it was a marked improvement from her triangle by all accounts.

Then there was her green skin, still modified by a military-grade uniform – black crossing stripes around the collar, but a bright yellow star was plastered across almost her entire midsection. A wide black strip lined the top of her leggings, the color extending all the way to her knees which were accessorized with matching yellow stars. Her small feet had more of a boot-like appearance now, rather than her exposed toes, and were half yellow and half black.

If there was still doubt lingering in the tense silence as they all stared at her, she furrowed her brow in exasperation and spoke. “What? Now’s not the time to look at me like a bunch’a clods. We’ve got a Steven to save!”

Pearl and Amethyst moved their gaze from Peridot to Lapis, eyes wide and mouths hanging open in shock. They had, for just a moment, all but forgotten about the madness outside. Lapis was still leaning up, her back against one wall, her face the manifestation of disbelief.

The blue gem couldn’t decide if she was relieved or furious. She opted for both.

“You… you were in **_there…_** _the **WHOLE** **TIME**?!” _ Peridot flinched and put her hands up defensively, backing away and running into Garnet by mistake. She was still having trouble adjusting to her being back on just two legs.

“Hey, hey, it’s not my fault!” The green gem said as Lapis rose to her feet, shoulders heaving in her rage.

“W-wait! Let me explain! I, uh, had landed in a pile of junk metal, and I reformed around it. Actually, I was lucky, because I was close enough to R&D that I could find some trashed robonoids. But anyways, I, the great and quick-thinking Peridot, was able drag my way towards the defect repository. Then, um, I kept crawling and jumping off things until my gem popped out. It took… several attempts to land in a robonoid…” she placed a hand to her temple, reliving the failed attempts in her memory.

She let out a low breath, looking at the blue gem with a face of understanding.“I get what you mean now Lapis, being stuck in a mirror must have been awful! At least I had legs.”

Incidentally, that was not the right thing to say, so she hid behind one of Garnet’s legs as two blue hands clenched into fists and water wings filled the space dangerously, nearly hitting Pearl and Amethyst.

“ _Eep_! Okay, okay – I’m _sorry!_ Once I was in the robonoid, I could at least move around, but I…” she turned a dark green color, flushing with embarrassment.

“It may _not_ have been my best plan, because once I was in it… I couldn’t get out.”

The white and purple gem were still just utterly shocked, unable to form words, and Garnet’s mind was somewhere else entirely. The future was changing, with Peridot back there were more options, but that meant more confusion to sort through.

Lapis had stopped her hostile advance for a moment, eyes hard and hands still shaking in fury. She wanted nothing more than to summon a watery fist and smash her green little face in right now, watching as Peridot tried to make eye contact with the others, silently pleading for help.

Peridot knew could see that this was not the explanation that Lapis needed to hear right now, so she tried a different approach.

“I, um, missed…you?” She offered her a small smile, and she reached out a hand carefully behind Garnet’s leg.

Staring at her, Lapis was ready to scream and cry and kick her for leaving her alone for so long, but her stupid little smile had been too much. Defeated, Lapis rolled her eyes.

“Ugh… _you’re_ the clod, I swear.”

 

Steven softly lowered Connie to the ground, his head hung low as he closed his eyes and looked away. This was it – he had to let go. He had to, just like he had to finish what he started.

The colossal, dominating presence of White Diamond had cupped her cheek in a palm once again, a habit he had started to associate strictly with bad things. Her face would turn thoughtful and lethal at the same time – like she was trying to figure out a riddle, but any possible answer was wicked and more troubling than the riddle itself. It made Steven shutter as he tried to work up his nerve, raising his hands to lower the pink barrier.

He inhaled deeply with his eyes closed, vaguely aware of the weight of the bags that lined his lids from exhaustion. With a heavy exhale, Steven dropped the bubble.

Then, things had started to change very quickly – too quickly for his worn reflexes and torn mind to keep up. First, there was a sickening creaking sound that reverberated around the canyon and caused the ground to shake and rumble. Stumbling forward, Steven yelped as he almost landed on top of Connie, barely able to catch himself in time. Before he could steady himself fully, a sudden force of wind picked up and tossed him backwards through the mist; there had been a massive change in the pressure of the fog as White Diamond whipped around, her cape swirling dangerously at her ankles.

As he landed, Steven felt another tearing pain ravage his body when the partial cracks spread across the surface of his gem. The Rose Quartz was growing weaker as the damage started to double-down once again, the thin tendrils of growing longer and splintering into a dozen tiny threads of shallow cracks.

The pain was different this way, too, although it came on with the same intensity. Steven curled inwards and his body turned hot, his blood boiling as the dull pink face of the gem caused his vision to flicker. Blinking madly at the sudden sensation behind his retina, Steven was relieved to discover he could still see, but everything had turned pink and splotchy.

Breathing felt wrong, too. This was not just strenuous gasping like before, but the action itself felt invasive in a bizarre way. The air entering his body crawled within his lungs like tiny trailing nails against a chalkboard, making his body feel abrasive from the inside-out. Every exhale was also unpleasant, the sulfuric taste along his tongue intensifying as his mouth turned very dry.

Steven tried to pull himself up to see what had happened – had he angered White Diamond? He squinted around, having to close and re-open his eyes deliberately, the veil of pink making his brain process things a little slower. But… where _was_ White Diamond?

He might not be able to see very well, but it was obvious that she was not towering in the middle of the valley anymore – she was very hard to miss, after all. With a shaking hand, Steven rubbed some of the sweat from around his eyes and tried to focus on what was happening.

 

The vale had come alive with energy, shouts and roars and ferocious tearing and scratching filling the darkness with disturbing echoes, every new sound that entered the din swirling disagreeably in the growing cacophony. White Diamond had spun around at the sudden modulation, her nerves already being tested by the boy’s pettiness.

Once she turned around, the image at the end of her vision sent her a series of enraged tremors through her, her fist closing automatically as a shockwave radiated outwards with her as the epicenter. So angered, she did not even notice as the girl, the hybrid, or the Agate were thrown backwards from the sudden burst of energy; her fury too abrupt and intoxicating for her to bother.

Her lutetium chamber had been twisted into molten metal, oscillating like plasma in the air. Nearby a… _fusion_ of the Lapis Lazuli, and what could only be the missing Peridot, fluttered in the air. White barred her teeth and raised a hand, fog creeping up to form disembodied hands, ready to smash the abomination that dared to form before her.

As it so happened, one of Blue Prehnite’s favorite things about her was her impressive speed – she had seen this tactic once already and knew it was coming. Flying high and zooming quickly through and around the ghostly fingers, she raised her own hands and the lutetium twisted into a one-sided sarcophagus of dangerous glowing metal, crashing into White Diamond and pinning most of her body against one side of the canyon walls, making the ground quake violently.

“Uhh… whoops. Wait – does this beat me out for calling Yellow Diamond a clod?” She rubbed her chin thoughtfully, her voice sounding a bit more like Peridot at that moment as she watched rocks rain down upon the valley. Four eyes scanning – two blue and two green – she spotted the outline of something in the northwestern corner, so she glided effortlessly down as it came closer. It was…

“ _Connie!”_ She was still unmoving, and Prehnite cringed as she took the girl in her aegean arms, feeling the lifelessness of her human body in her supple grasp.

_What do we… should we take her?_

_Yes we should take her! Don’t be a clod!_

_But, where? I didn’t, we hadn’t…_

_Um…_

Now was the time for _acting_ , not for thinking, so they were resigned to scoop her up into the air and flew towards the farthest cliff-face they could find and enclosed her in a shimmery turquoise bubble, unsure of what else to do. There were more urgent concerns, anyways – she turned her attention back to the cavern below. With neither much metal nor water to work with, Prehnite was forced to be creative, but she did not falter. In fact, she was smirking; she could do this.

 

_This is it – concentrate!_

_I got it, we got it._

_Steven, Connie, Stevonnie… For them. We do it for them._

Alexandrite stretched herself to her full height, still a few degrees shorter than White Diamond, but what she lacked in height she made up for in brutality. Well, if Pearl wouldn’t reproach her, Amethyst had a few more _colorful_ words she would have used to describe how they felt, but now was not really the time.

The radiating waves of White Diamond’s anger alone was still nearly enough to send them toppling over once she forced off the green entrapment turned against her. Her eyes glowed in the darkness, the air turning to a hot, stinging gas that made their skin prickle uncomfortably.

_We’re counting on you, Pree…_

It was hard for some of her to focus with so much future vision made newly available to her collective mind, but they were resolved to one goal at a time.

“ _White Diamond!”_ She screamed from her lower mouth, her snake-like tongue extending dangerously, menacingly.

For her part, the so-named Diamond looked more annoyed than anything.

“How you continue to disappointment me, Pearl.” Clenching a fist dangerously, the air around Alexandrite started to constrict and swirl into a giant opaque typhoon, much like the one that had taken Connie. Trying to force her way out with her many arms, Alexandrite grunted in frustration when the atmosphere continued to compress relentlessly, unable to forcefully phase her way through, eventually forcing her arms down to her sides, locked together as if in invisible bonds.

“ _No!”_ Her voice roared loudly through the valley, a deadly flame bursting from her lips. It exploded into the gaseous air like a nitrous bomb, sending her and White Diamond both flying backwards as the atmosphere ignited like a fireworks display gone wrong. It was as beautiful as it was dangerous, red flames licking through the fog and triggering a thousand mini explosions all around them. The caves started to shake in earnest at that, specks of dirt and rock falling from above as the earth below began to come apart.

A sickening laugh filled the shaking ruins as White Diamond threw both her arms out to her sides, the air and fog parting like the sea. Her eyes were alive with impassioned fury, marching valley towards the fusion with malcontent, her stride steady and threatening.

Internally, Alexandrite felt a quiver of fear run up the back of her neck, but she needed to dispel the sensation.

_Do something, think of something, come on…_

With a small gasp, she smirked and summoned four whips, snapping them all towards White Diamond who easily flicked her wrist, limbs materializing and grabbing the erroneous assault without breaking her stride, but that was exactly what Alexandrite had wanted.

Pulling forward with a sudden force, she used the unbreakable grip of the ethereal hands to fling herself to intercept White Diamond’s stalking approach, vaulting her body downwards and aiming for the tyrant’s legs, using her two free hands to summon Opal’s bow.

Although White Diamond was barely harmed by the arrows, they had been enough to cause her to lose her focus as Alexandrite’s long legs smashed into her, both of them falling into the crackling floors.

But even with the effective hit, White Diamond was too fast for them. With nothing but a push against a nearby crumbling wall, she lunged forward in a flash and squeezed a large hand around Alexandrite’s throat, lifting her clear off the ground with a single hand.

The air was growing hotter still, boiling to match White Diamond’s rage, and the fusion felt all of their arms restrained by fiery, ghostly hands that materialized through the scorching miasma.

_Thank goodness for Ruby…_

“You _rebels_ , always the spontaneous ones. It really is a shame the boy won’t be the one to kill you, I would have liked to see that.”

She started to crush their throat with her hand, all of the incorporeal bonds matching her pressure along her arms. Weakly, Alexandrite coughed up a flame and felt her body start to come undone, about to unfuse when the force suddenly stopped – they might not need air, but the pain from the grip had been unbearable.

 With a hand, she grabbed her head. “We’re okay. I’m okay…” Turning instinctively, she realized Prehnite had appeared at her shoulder.

“T-thank you, Pr – ” but the look on the small blue face silenced her. It was an expression of terror, eyes wide and filled with fear, squinting through their visor as the Kindergarten started to fall apart around them.

“Wh- what is it?! What’s happened?” Alexandrite asked, her mind searching the future desperately.

Prehnite had to fight against the urge to cry, yelling through the crumbling rocks.

“It’s Steven – _I can’t find him anywhere!_ ”

 


	35. We Won

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems fail to find Steven - Steven finds them.

Steven laid down in the hard dirt, looking up into the darkness that seemed to stretch to infinity. The best he could tell, it was a true, deep black; he knew children were supposed to be afraid of the dark, yet, the inversion of this familiar color terrified him much more.

Since he’s been here, black has meant relief, escape, and even comfort; white has brought him nothing but pain, emptiness, and loss.

The black swirled lazily at the end of his vision, ambivalent to the rocks crumbling around his toes or the shouting he heard bouncing around the cavern. Everything he could focus on shined unnaturally pink, as if he was looking through the veil of his bubble, but that was just his vision now – the darkness, at least, was predictably black.

Fingers tingling, Steven flexed his hands, thinking about getting up. He didn’t, but he thought about it – he knew he probably should, that things were going to hell around him, but right now all he could do was stare into the void.

Connie was dead.

Somehow, he had lost her when the fog started to spin, and he must have thrown up his bubble at some point and was carried away from the valley entirely. At first, Steven thought he had died, but the scorching air in his lungs told him he had not been so lucky. One of his hands had absently moved to rest against his stomach, just an inch above his gemstone, grimacing as the sensation sent a shot of pain down his legs. As much as it hurt, Steven forced himself to take a deep breath, if nothing else but for the pain to force him to keep his eyes open.

Right now, Steven needed to stay awake – he was pretty sure that if he fell asleep, he would never wake up, and the Crystal Gems needed him. He knew something had happened, his brain buzzing when he recognized the voice of Alexandrite reverberate through the emptiness that both surrounded and consumed him, soon followed by the haunting echoes of White Diamond’s laughter. It wasn’t clear how it had happened, but they got out, and now they were fighting…

“Ugh.” Steven said to no one, his voice muted by the rumbling of rocks and dirt. He couldn’t _believe_ them right now, he was so angry it made hot tears burn his eyelids. They had escaped, and they thought it was a good idea to _fight_ White Diamond? Were they blind inside that box, had they not seen how entirely she had destroyed Blue and Yellow Diamond? If he had the Glass of Time again, he would use it just to go back and yell at them for being so stupid – they needed to _run_ , not to _fight_.

He had already lost Connie – he couldn’t bear to lose anyone else. Well, that’s what he tried to tell himself, but every time the thought appeared it was dwarfed by another, more menacing voice in the back of his brain.

_You said you wanted this, didn’t you?_

_You wanted this._

_Didn’t you?_

Didn’t he? Steven had thought, time and time again, that he had seen the end. The worst it could be, the worst it could get, only to be violently shoved further towards the edge. Hide. Capture. Starve. Fusion. Shatter. Bargain. Dream. Torture. Trials. Explosion. Execution. Fooled. Goodbye.

Each time, he had tried his absolute hardest to do the best he could, tried to make the right choices, tried to protect the Amethyst and Jasper, to protect his family, to protect Connie, and he had failed them all

Now, the darkness clanged noisily with the reality that the people who had risked everything to save him were fighting face-to-face with the hand behind the curtain, an unstoppable authority, and for what? To save him? It would be a wasted effort – and so, Steven gritted his teeth and pushed himself to his knees, sucking in painful breaths along the way.

He wouldn’t let them die for him; he wouldn’t let Connie’s death be in vain.

 

Prehnite returned to the high ground, pulling the scraps of the lutetium together and contorting it intricately, trying to focus as the whirling green sphere shined beautifully in her vision. With the world falling to pieces around her, she was trying to balance too much, pulling at her attention and her heartstrings.

First, there was Connie and the distorted structure of the palanquin. The girl was bubbled near to the fusion, which only exacerbated the heart-wrenching indisputability of her death; she hung limply in the air, floating like a body might at the surface of the ocean. It was disturbing, but to their fortune, the bubble had prevented her body from entering rigor mortis, which would have been _much_ worse.

One of her first actions after recovering Connie was to keep the bubble from popping, fruitless though it was, she still felt the need to protect the girl, so Prehnite tore the top from the palanquin and transmuted it concavely, creating a sort of yellow dome to shield her from debris that fell from above.

Then there was the matter of Steven, Prehnite’s chest growing tighter as each minute passed and she failed to find him in the depths of the fog. From above, she had hoped to spot his pale skin or his ragged clothing peeking through the white mist, but she had so far been unsuccessful. Nervously, she rubbed one arm with the opposite hand and furrowed her brow, a comforting feeling as Lapis’ eyes brimmed with tears.

_We’ll find him._

_Will we, though? What if he’s already gone through the cracks in the ground? What if he poofed, or…_

_Well… yeah, maybe, but we need to focus, cause if that’s_ not _what happened…_

_I-I know, I’m sorry. Thank you._

_It’s okay, as long as we’re together, right?_

_Right._

She blinked her many eyes, wiping a hand behind the visor and shaking her head. Prehnite turned back to the lutetium orb, setting her face in a determined frown; they needed something strong, strong enough to get them out with nothing but brute force, and this was going to have to do it. Brow furrowed in concentration, she moved her hands in the air as the green metal started to harden, trying to ignore the painful sounds and yelling that filled the air.

 

“For all of the reasons cross-fusions are egregious,” said White Diamond. She was stalking after Alexandrite, having just knocked the fusion back into rough ground.

“ _You_ are a perfect example of why I find the whole charade especially worthless.” Raising a sinewy leg, the dominating tyrant kicked the side of Alexandrite’s head, the momentum smashing her skull painfully into the ground.

Visor cracked, the fusion gritted her teeth and summoned three gauntlets along one side of her body, smashing the ground beneath them so White Diamond might lose her balance and put some distance between them.

The plan had worked well enough, the ghostly embodiment of authority lost her footing and staggered backwards, but it also send a fresh shower of boulders crashing down upon them.

Hissing in pain, Alexandrite repeated the movement and brought more rocks down, but this time she rolled away and breathed a scorching flame over the wreckage, creating a fiery barrier between them.

White Diamond was hardly impressed. Extending her arms, she created a triangle with her thumbs and fingers, causing the wind to pick up especially violently. The smoldering rubble was blown backwards, making contact directly with the fusions chest. The force was so great and so sudden, a tether that kept the four of them together snapped as Amethyst’s gemstone cracked at the sudden assault.  
“Aaugh!” Alexandrite roared in pain, glowing brightly as she was thrown back into three across the floor of the vale. Amethyst’s face in particular was screwed up with pain as she skidded backwards with Garnet while Pearl was flung in the opposite direction.

“ _Amethyst!”_ Garnet called for her immediately, having felt the first flicker of pain when her gemstone was smashed by the flaming boulders. Crawling over, she breathed a sigh of relief to see the crack wasn’t deep, and Amethyst looked at her with one closed eye.

“I’m… ‘kay, ugh,” the purple gem said, leaning up on her elbows.

The relief was short-lived, however, a terrible scene settling in the darkness of the shaking cavern. Now separated, Garnet and Amethyst were starting to get up near one of the canyon walls, vaguely aware that they were below where Pree had retreated. Both purple gems silently prayed that she had managed to find Steven – there wasn’t much time left. The Kindergarten was starting to deteriorate in earnest now, what had at first been dust and pebbles crumbling from the ceiling turning into rocks larger than a fist and growing larger with each passing minute.

Maybe thirty feet down the wall, Pearl was leaning up on her front, battered but otherwise unharmed as the fires from the explosions and their most recent attack scorched the earth around them. Smoke billowed and twisted dangerously with the white fog, turning the valley a dangerous shade of silver and gray as the temperature around them continued to rise.

“A-Amethyst! Are you okay?” Pearl yelled over to them, but they hadn’t the chance to answer before White Diamond’s palm came down to crush them.

 _Thank the stars for Sapphire_ , Garnet thought as she grabbed the small gem and rolled away not a moment too soon, the radiating force of her hand against the ground still sending them stumbling gracelessly away from the spot of impact.

Clicking her tongue in disapproval, White Diamond brought another hand down, this time coming even nearer to smashing them both. “This, this is what I’m talking about.”

Clenching her fingers together slowly, more translucent limbs emerged from the air, grabbing Garnet and Amethyst and holding them still, suspended several feet off the ground. Just as Pearl started to get up, another arm found her, pinning her back to the dirt.

“Cross-fusions…” She leaned down, examining Garnet’s anger as they struggled in the incorporeal grasp.

“What you gain in confidence, you lack in cohesion. Your minds aren’t designed to have competing instincts...” Narrowing her eyes, White Diamond looked especially lethal as her alabaster face shined against the glowing orange flames at the base of the canyon.

“But I must commend you for trying. Staying together, so unnaturally? _Such_ a show of loyalty.” She stood back up to her full height, contemplating which death might be the most satisfying to watch.

“It’s a shame, even I must admit – had you demonstrated the same devotion you shown Rose Quartz to me, things could have been very different. Alas…” she swept a hand casually, and at the end of the graceful movement she tensed her fist, watching the forms of all of them compress under the pressure of the hands. They all started yelling, painful, disturbing shouts as the force grew stronger and more intense as White Diamond squeezed her own hand tighter.

Just as another crack started to surface across the face of the Amethyst gemstone, a sudden smack against the back of White Diamond’s head, followed by a voice, forced her to stop and turn around.

 

Steven had limped his way towards the cliff-face that looked down into the valley, squinting clear across the gap to see… Lapis, and the palanquin, maybe? It looked like Lapis, but he was already having enough trouble seeing through the pink shroud that clouded his vision and the white fog that was so hot it burned his eyes, so he turned his focus to closer, more pressing, things.

At level with him was White Diamond’s head, but she was turned away from him, looking down to the brightly lit ground below. There were flames scattered across the ground in strange patches, there not being enough life to really sustain a blaze, but the heat and magic behind the fire kept it burning anyways.

Barely enough time to catch his breath, clutching at his chest painfully, Steven heard the familiar voices of Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst – he couldn’t see them, but they must be at White Diamond’s feet from the direction of their voice. And he hadn’t heard them like this before… this wasn’t just their voices, serious, comforting, or rowdy – this was _screaming_ , a sound so horrible in Steven’s ears that he knew it could only be a product of intense, agonizing pain.

Moving his right arm in front of him, Steven clenched his fist and summoned his shield. It was still circular and pink, emblazoned with the symbol of his mother, but it had grey and black splotches that crept along one side sickeningly, like the shield was decaying from the inside out. Steven guessed it probably was, but he was not really in a position to waste time examining the damage.

Using as much strength as he could, Steven swung his shield like he had so many times against the Holo-Pearls and he was pleased when he saw it make contact with the back of White Diamond’s head. Well, he wasn’t actually pleased – he was downright terrified – but at least the Gems had stopped screaming.

“ **STOP!** ”

White Diamond turned to face him, her eyes alight with fury and malcontent, flashing even a deadlier shade of white when her gaze found his tiny figure. Steven’s palms were sweaty, but he gripped the stone in his left hand harder, forcing himself to meet her gaze.

“Oh, Steven… Don’t be a fool. You’re just prolonging the inevitable. Now – ” she started to turn away, ready to finally put an end to these rebels that had caused her such trouble, but she was interrupted again by the boy.

“ _No!_ I’ve had enough!” Steven shouted, causing White to freeze in her turn, face etched in rage at his sudden disrespect.

He adjusted his hands, the back of his left holding the bottom of his shirt while the right tore the fabric down the center. Twitching as his hand lightly caressed his gemstone, Steven bared his navel and held the rock in his left hand clearly in front of it.

Steven had already lost his freedom, his Connie, his home, his identity – the last thing he had left to bargain with was his life. “Let them… Let them _all_ go or I’ll end this, right now!”

Though the caverns still rumbled and the fires still blazed, it felt like the Kindergarten had grown perfectly still for a single moment in time. Steven couldn’t see her, but Prehnite had stopped her project when he had appeared on the cliff-side, her thin blue hands covering her mouth in shock. Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet were still trapped in the grasp of the white hands, but the grip had slackened so as not to crush them further. Amethyst’s legs had turned into long, useless noodles from the cracks in her gemstone, her shapeshifting slowly spun out of control like it had the day she fell from the hill by the lighthouse. Garnet was now fighting an internal battle, unable to speak as the future shifted once again, the paths expanding infinitely like the darkness that enveloped them all. The terrifying figure of White Diamond had raised her eyebrows in surprise, her face otherwise unreadable as his threat sank deeper into the blistering air. Pearl had managed to push herself back up so she could see him, standing at the edge of the cliff-face, bartering with his life.

As a choking sob rose up her throat, she called out to him from below. “S-Steven – no! What are you saying?!”

Steven did not falter, even if the tears in Pearl’s voice broke his heart. “Nobody else needs to die! It… it should have been me, from the start. White Diamond, _My_ Diamond,”

Before he could proceed, the so-named ruler made to approach him, but he threateningly moved the stone closer, bracing his stomach. He tried to make his voice as cold as he could, trying to match the wicked inflection that usually came from her lips, not his.

“ _Don’t._ Weren’t _you_ the one who said not to be ruled by your emotions? Well, here’s your choice – you can have your vengeance,” he used his free hand to gesture at the others, praying this would work.

“Or you can have _me_.” Again, he moved the stone closer to the crumbling Rose Quartz in his stomach.

Before White Diamond could respond, there were other voices.

“Steven, wait!”

“Don’t be stupid – stop, we can – ”

“ _STEVEN WHAT ARE YOU – ”_

 _“No,_ d-don’t do this!”

“Steven?”

“ _STOP, STEVEN, DON’T.”_

_“STEVEN?”_

_“ **NO**!”_

First, it was Garnet, then maybe Lapis, or even Peridot? He knew that was wrong, because Peridot wasn’t here, and then Amethyst joined the racket, too. Their voices were all out of key, a half-step too sharp with pain, a symphony of sorrow that he completely ignored. Steven had no eyes for anyone but for White Diamond.

And consequently, she had no eyes for anyone but him, and they were narrowed in more contempt and loathing than they had been in thousands of years, the last time she came face-to-face with the same wretched Rose Quartz gemstone. She, the first and last matriarch of Homeworld, was truly conflicted as she examined him, pursing her lips. How dare he chastise her? But, then, he was a wretched human child at heart, as bound to be foolish as he was bound to his flesh. She wanted nothing more than to kill him, kill all of them and leave them to turn to dust miles below the surface of her throne, but that was short-sighted. In him rested so much power, so much potential…

Gritting her teeth, White Diamond finally cut off the dull cacophony of voices pining after him. She needed to test his nerve. “And what would I gain by letting them go? What’s to keep me from agreeing, and kill them the moment you turn your back, Steven? What _then?_ ”

He winced, but he did not back down. “You’ll have… leverage, insurance, something. I’ll stay, and I’ll never try to leave aga – ” but he was cut off by a shout – or was it a sob? – from below. _Pearl_.

“S-Steven, _no_! I-It doesn’t have to be like this!”

He clenched his fist, shaking with anger. How could they still be so stubborn?

“ ** _YES,_** _Pearl,_ it does!” His voice was so sharp that all of the Gems flinched, but he didn’t care.

“How can you… How can you not _see_? I tried to tell you from the beginning – it’s **_over_** , Pearl. Homeworld won…” he glanced at White Diamond, his face serious. “ _We_ won.”

Steven squeezed his eyes together to dispel this urge to cry, and then returned his full attention to White Diamond, looking straight into her shining, dangerous eyes.

“I won’t leave – I’ll do whatever you ask. We can try to fix corruption, or heal any gem you want, or fix whatever went wrong with the artificial fusions. If _they_ come back, I’ll…”

He needed to make the message as clear to her as he did to the Gems, listening in.

_Don’t come back for me._

“I’ll kill them myself.”

Staring at him blankly, White Diamond thought seriously about his proposition. It was clear that he was not lying, not trying to go against his word – he really did just want to spare the lives of these miserable rebels. What was more valuable – to meet the demands of justice that her subjects deserved, or to invest in a future with near-infinite power? The answer was, of course, obvious, but it still irked her.

Steven’s hands were shaking, his heart pounding furiously in his chest as he watched White Diamond’s expression grow thoughtful.

_Please, please, please let this work… Just once, please, let this work._

A wordless answer, the others were suddenly released and fell into the dirt – Pearl face first while Garnet managed to catch Amethyst before she hit the ground. Steven heard the thud and cries, and he knew he had done it, so he slightly lowered the stone. The Diamonds were scheming, cruel, heartless – he knew that now, he wasn’t going to be fooled again, so he did not drop his guard completely.

Tilting her head, White continued to look at him skeptically. “Prove it.”

Steven’s brow furrowed as he looked at her innocuous expression, hating her more than he could have thought possible. “What?”

White slowly moved a hand out to her side, demonstrating that she had no false motives, and new hands, open palmed this time, appeared beneath the Gems at the bottom of the valley, delivering them to Prehnite’s feet across the canyon.

“In the spirit of… moving on,” she repeated the phrase, proceeding cautiously. “I will… let them go, but, I will need more than just your word.”

Steven didn’t understand what she meant – what else could he do? Did she have something in mind? Was this a trick, to get him to step back from the edge? He waited for her to continue, keeping his expression hard.

She continued to study him, piercing him with her gaze, the anger still eminent from the boiling air. Her tone was short. “Think of something. Show me how serious you are.”

 

Prehnite was frozen, eyes streaming with tears as the bodies of Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst were dumped on the ground before her. Was Steven serious? Did he have some sort of plan? Was she supposed to do something, fly over there, or would Steven…

Garnet stood up, still cradling Amethyst gently as her arms shrunk to tiny, T-rex sized purple appendages. “Pree,” was all she said. It wasn’t really a greeting, or a warning, or a command, just a statement that they were here now, and that Steven was standing a mile across the open air, offering to die or seal his life away forever so they could escape.

Pearl said nothing, crawling on her hands and knees as close to the edge she could, cursing herself for not trying harder, for not seeing it coming, for letting him do this, for not being there for him.

“I will… let them go,”

White’s voice carried easily across the darkness, but they missed a part of it when Pearl shouted suddenly; a particularly violent tremor sent the tip of the cliff-face tumbling downwards. Prehnite had stretched the metal of the palanquin to shield them all from the rubble, but Steven was totally unprotected on the other side of the canyon. She was very, very nervous, rubbing her arm, barely resisting the urge to pull them all back by the shoulders. The falling rocks had grown to full-on slabs, the Kindergarten turning to ruins around them, and the pseudo-lutetium-drill was as ready as it could be. She had already placed Connie inside as carefully as she could…

_We can’t leave him…_

_We can’t, I know._

_But we’re running out of time…_

_If we’re going to go..._

_It has to be now._

Garnet looked worried, considering, desperate… then, a gasp, and she covered her mouth.

“ _Steven, no!”_ she shouted across the valley, but the future continued to narrow, the seas of time coming together into a single path of inevitable, cruel fate.

“W-what’s happening?” It was Amethyst, her voice dark and sad beneath her flickering form. Pearl covered her mouth with both hands, words beyond her as she looked on, a single stream of tears lining her tired cheeks.

 

Steven looked at the ground to his right, eyes dark, ignoring Garnet’s pleading voice that echoed from across the vale. He took a deep, heavy breath and lifted his gaze from the dirt to his left, focusing on the confused, proud, spiteful figure a few feet off.

“Holly Blue,” he reached out a hand. “Fuse with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading along everyone! Geez, I can’t believe we’re almost at 200,000 words. What is wrong with me?! I really appreciate all of your on-going support, new and old readers alike. A special shout-out to yarajaeger, Osicne_C, Indyboo102, S3rp3nte, Doctor Jupiter, and VulpineSnow for joining the story for the crazy ride! 
> 
> Coming up soon, Garnet will face a difficult choice as a leader, Lapis and Peridot will have a heart-felt conversation, we'll finally get the hell out of the Kindergarten and Pearl will have the chance for sweet, sweet vengeance.


	36. A Tale of Two Cross-Fusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet remembers a conversation she once had with Steven, and everything changes.

Holly Blue Agate proudly considered herself a lot of things – loyal, vexatious, dignified, intimidating, passionate, ruthless, devious… but, right now, she really only considered herself confused. And for her part, she really had every right to be.

Only moments ago, she had unearthed herself beneath a pile of rocks, only to be snatched by White Diamond and brought to stand on the top of the canyon. She had no way to be certain, but she had a feeling that _something_ must have happened to her Diamond, and the Yellow shards and ruined palanquin did little ease her suspicion… and now, for the hybrid child to _offer_ to fuse with her?

White Diamond just looked between them, making her face blank to hide her genuine surprise. She expected the child to make a show of begging, or perhaps even offer for her to torture him again, but when he had whispered that he would fuse, she thought he was trying to make a fool of her. Well, he had proven himself once again cleverer than she had given him credit for, her eyes flicking between the Agate and the child as he offered her a hand.

Holly Blue Agate’s eyes flickered nervously between the mighty presence, White Diamond’s frightening visage only a few yards away, and the child in front of her. “What – I, is this?” she managed to say, wondering if she was being tested.

Steven had said nothing so far, his hand still outstretched, waiting.

“I’m not going to leave Homeworld – let me prove it. Let’s be Opalite again.”

Was this a joke? But when White Diamond gave Holly Blue a serious nod, silently instructing her to proceed, the Agate returned the signal seriously and turned to face Steven. She wasn’t one to disobey an order.

At this point, White just wanted to see if he would go through with it, to see _exactly_ how much he wanted them to live – it was clear from his behavior on earlier occasions that he vehemently hated their fusion. What had been originally devised by Yellow as a tool to ensure he was, in fact, _the_ Rose Quartz, had turned into a special kind of torture none of them had expected. She had not anticipated him to turn the tool around as a demonstration of his loyalty, but this information could prove useful later on.

The Kindergarten had turned into a totally new world – what had been cold was now sweltering, what had been dark was now brightly illuminate with orange flames, and what had been abandoned for thousands of years was now shaking with energy, coming apart at the seams.

Across the vale, the Crystal Gems were frozen in muted shock and horror. In particular, Prehnite was visible struggling, gripping their head as their eyes overflowed with a river of tears. A moment later, the fusion was torn apart, almost as violently as they had been the first time when the Hand Ship went down. Lapis launched herself over the edge, flying as fast as she could after him.

As she got closer, it was like she was watching a sad movie, one that she’s seen a dozen times. She already knew how it ended, but it still hurt to watch every time. This time, it was made even worse – a film reel of her own mistakes, played back to her, but the original picture had been damaged and warped, no longer projecting the right images.

Maybe it was more like a shattered mirror – her image fractured across the shining surface, but so damaged it no longer looked the same. Steven was doing just what she had done to Jasper, or was Holly Blue doing what she had done to him? The millions of imperfections were familiar, but so, so wrong, giving rise to a sea of pin-pricks that spread across her blue skin.

 _Please, Steven, don’t do this…_ _I know what you’re trying to do, but…_

This wasn’t like Malachite, or what happened back on Earth – not completely. It was obvious; there was no trap, no hidden agenda, but still the sacrifice was plainly there.

If Steven goes through with this…

It was a horrible sight to behold, Holly Blue far too tall for Steven and the shared distrust and anger between them palpable as they touched hands.

“No, no – _NO_! Steven, don’t do it!” Lapis was almost there, so close, she could just grab him and _go…_

Much like the first time, Holly Blue led, using her height to easily spin him, and this time their gems had started to glow almost immediately.

A tiny white bolt zoomed past Lapis, just over Steven’s head, long enough for them to pause, confused – an arrow?

_Opal?_

The so-named fusion stood tall at the other end of the void, docking another arrow – she had aimed for Holly Blue, but she was visibly having a difficult time. Amethyst was hurting, their body struggling to stay together as their face winced in pain.

Steven blinked a few times once another arrow zoomed, even further off target this time, letting himself get distracted only for a moment. He was still very aware of the cold hands holding his own, so he let himself be lifted off the ground as Holly Blue spun herself around, Steven landing on her left side now, and they dipped.

The cavern shined brilliantly, the fog radiating and twisting shades of pink and blue, and then, there was pain. The lights faded, and in its place the air swelled with hurt – hurt for so many reasons, in so many ways.

It was done; they were Opalite now.

First, the obvious source came from their physical pain, fusion putting added strain on the Rose Quartz gemstone. Opalite was doubled-over, grasping severely at one side of their head. All four of their eyes were closed, screwed up as they tried to readjust to the sensation.

But their discomfort went far deeper than their pale blue skin – they _hated_ each other, it was so clear in their mind. Self-loathing of this caliber was downright cruel, making their heart twist darkly. Both of them triggered the sensation to flex their fists, slowly remembering how it felt to be them, stabilizing as they reflected on how horrible they both were: Steven’s human half holding them back, trapping them in one quarter of an organic body, while rebuking themselves for Holly Blue’s critical and haughty nature, endowing them with a dangerous, irrational temperament. On and on their brain went like this – _weak, cruel, foolish, heartless –_ the spiral only lasted as long as it took them to stand up. The darker and crueler their minds tore into each other, the stronger Opalite felt, both of their disembodied minds filtering out in rise of their own character.

More troubling yet, just like the first time, there were reasons they liked being Opalite, too. In many ways, they were better like this, and all three of them hated to admit it. They were much faster, their weapon much more deadly, and they just _felt_ efficacious in this form; instead of sitting idly, waiting for someone else to choose their fate, being Opalite gave them agency, at least in feeling if not in reality.

“Huh,” they said, looking down at themselves, watching their many blue fingers flex at the end of their pink-tinted vision.

Lapis stopped, letting her hand drop, just a few feet from the edge – were the circumstances different, she would have been terrified to be floating right next to White Diamond’s shoulder, but she wasn’t. Her eyes had gone wide with fear, her whole body shaking as she barely managed to stay afloat.

The blue gem spoke, her voice weak. “S-Steven…”

“No,” they said through clenched teeth. Their eyes focused on the ocean gem, anger and sincerity eminent in their voice.

“Just, go, Lapis. _He_ … doesn’t want you here. He doesn’t want you to save him, so just go. ”

Opalite still felt bizarre in their own skin, foreign and yet, this time, familiar, too. Blue and stout, their outfit was just as tattered as the first time, but it was white and blue all the way down – no stars. Their hair was longer, still dark and curly but disheveled, no longer supported by pigtails. One of their arms, the shorter one on their left side, was also badly discolored yellow and white against their pale blue skin. Otherwise, they were the same – aggressive, irrational, disproportionate, and hateful.

Rightly so, White Diamond could not decide what to make of them. The Lapis Lazuli at her shoulder was absolutely devastated, which she had expected – the rebels, she knew, would not take to the boy abandoning them very well. But, this _was_ a cross-fusion – unnatural, an atrocity… had White not been trying to call his bluff, she would never had let things proceed. And it had been effective, she must admit – it was clear that _this_ was not a bluff at all. The child had meant every word, and this blue, wild-looking creature was the personification of his intent, a demonstration of his willingness to do anything to save them.

It was as satisfying to her as it was crushing to her enemies, so she decided to let it stand for now.

“And how should I address… _you?_ ” She had said those exact words when she met Steven, but they weren’t Steven anymore.

“It’s… Opalite, my-our-, er,” they stopped, unsure how to address her, both of their mouths turning to a frown.

Right now, White chose not to press the issue. “Very well… _Opalite_. We should go, then, before we are buried under this,” she flicked a boulder from her shoulder, narrowly missing Lapis. “Subterrane of disappointment.”

She started to turn, prepared to dismiss the rebels – White Diamond was a gem of her word, even if the prospect irritated her – but was interrupted half-way by the fusion, who spoke to the gem at her shoulder.

“And, just, one more thing…” Opalite said, sounding mostly like Steven at that moment.

“Lapis, just, tell Garnet one thing. Please. Just tell her to do the right thing. Tell her that it’s still da – ”

Lapis frowned, confused and hurt and afraid, but she didn’t have time to ask questions before White Diamond set the air alive again and sent her flying backwards, to the cliff face, to the Crystal Gems, to safety and emptiness all at the same time.

Garnet caught her when the winds fanned Lapis back to them, managing to stop her from crashing into the lutetium chamber that was their escape, but only barely. The gales did not slow down, however, and the swirling mist soon lifted them all off their feet and threw them all inside the pseudo-drill roughly. The last thing she saw was the outline of Opalite across the valley, eyes narrowed and head looking away, an expression of shame.

Then everything started to change very quickly, and the tiny pilot bay within the pulsing green became very loud. The door sealed from the outside, likely from the dismissive hand of White Diamond, while the Crystal Gems had started to recover from the sudden shock. Their emotions were too worn, their nerves wound too tight, their hearts too broken to do anything but gather themselves in silence.

While quiet had fallen within, all hell had broken loose beyond; boulders and rocks were falling atop their heads, making creaking and dull thuds against the lutetium loudly around them, but none of them seemed to mind. The floor had started to shake violently, so Pearl scooped up Amethyst gently into her arms and rested against a wall, eyes void of emotion as the purple gem groaned. Peridot had found Lapis crumpled on the floor, yelling words of concern over the din, trying to rouse her, but the blue gem was unresponsive. Her gaze was as distant as if she were still floating across the vale, so the green gem eventually gave up and just hugged her tightly. Garnet wanted to be angry, but she had seen it all happened already, and now she just stood with one hand weakly against what had been the door, seeing nothing but the image of Opalite burned into her vision. Vaguely, she noted that Connie’s bubble hung somewhere nearby, thankful that Pree had thought to move her inside before the madness had started.

Peridot was hurting, but she had not been through the ringer as badly as the others, so when no one moved and more and more rubble continued to cascade down on their little enclave, she took it upon herself to take the seat at the helm and start to dig their way upwards. It wasn’t the most effective method, especially without Lapis to help her guide the drill, but it felt better than sitting there, doing nothing. The green gem silently hoped the movement might incite someone else to do something, at least nudge someone to speak.

But the empty conversation spoke more than their words ever could, no one really needing to talk to reach the same conclusion: they had lost, it really was over.

After a few minutes, Garnet finally interrupted their brooding.

“Lapis, what did… Steven say to you?”

The blue gem was studying her shaking hands, like she had never seen them before in her life, and blinked when she realize the question was directed at her.

“What?” Her voice was dead.

Garnet crossed her arms, realizing something didn’t feel right about this. The future was… too certain, all of the sudden. How did everything go from chaos to perfect order so quickly? What was going on?

“I saw Steven was trying to tell you something – what did he say?”

“Oh.” Lapis looked from the fusion back to her hands, and then cast her eyes away entirely. She felt horrible, guilty, wronged, lonely – she _wanted_ to be alone, or maybe just with Peridot right now, not to answer questions about how badly she had just failed. All she could see in her mind was Steven being dipped, or thinking about the way Jasper had grabbed her leg and pulled her out of the air, or the way it felt to smash her with a fist when she found them on the boat…

But Opali – _Steven_ did say one final thing...

“It was… to you, actually. Just, they, _he_ said, to tell you ‘to do the right thing.’ That ‘it was still’… something.”

“Something?” Pearl had now joined the conversation, and Amethyst had turned slightly so she could see Lapis in her arms. Peridot said nothing, but she was very tense, listening.

Lapis buried her head in her knees, sucking in a breath that burned her insides. She didn’t need to breathe, but it felt good right now for some reason.

Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl looked between each other, wondering, hoping – but they hadn’t been there to see him, to hear him, not like Lapis had been. It was over – it didn’t _mean_ anything.

Peridot chimed in after another minute, having to yell over the bumping of dirt and boulders as their little reverse-drill dug upwards. It was slow moving, but she wanted to give Lapis a break from having to talk.

“Uh, sorry, just – what do we do when we reach the surface? Just… something to think about…”

But Garnet already knew – it was clear as day, which troubled her as much as it would if there was no possibilities at all. They would surface, be escorted by Quartz soldiers to a Roaming Eye that would bring them home, and it would return to Homeworld where Steven would stay indefinitely. That wasn’t satisfying, though, so she ignored Peridot for now.

“Lapis, what did he say?”

The blue gem wasn’t having it, though. She yelled at them, eyes flaring under the green light.

“I don’t _know!_ He – they – _why would he…_ ” and as quickly as she had flashed with anger, she was crying. Hard, heavy sobs; she had failed him. She could have stopped it, if she had just been more focused, a bit faster…

Garnet sighed and approached Lapis. She did not make to touch her, but made her voice patient and calm. “Lapis… there’s something… _off_ about my future vision. I… I don’t know what it means, but I need to know what he said. It might be important.”

After an extended pause, Garnet’s usual stoicism cracked ever so slightly. “ _Please_.”

Lapis nodded her head, still buried in her knees, and spoke very softly. The others could not hear over the rumbling and rattling of the lutetium against the packed dirt.

“I just… he said it was still ‘da’, and then I couldn’t hear the rest. Maybe… dark? Or, something about his dad?” Lapis frowned, recalling Steven’s human father in her mind’s eye, his crinkly smile and kind laugh. How could they possibly go back to Earth and face him after this?

Garnet grimaced, disappointed and confused. It was still… what? Still… days? Still… dawn?

She gasped and stood up. “It’s still _damp_.”

Pearl and Amethyst exchanged a look, and even Peridot turned to look behind her.

Lapis, surprised, looked up at her. “ _What’s_ damp?”

“I – ” she started to say, covering her mouth as she remembered. It was a private conversation Garnet had with Steven over a year ago. In a way, she was surprised he remembered such a small detail.

Grabbing her head with Sapphire’s hand and supporting herself against a wall with Ruby’s, the memories came rushing back to her. They had been underground that day, also beneath a Kindergarten… it was the day they found the artificial fusions of the other Crystal Gems. She felt a tightness in her chest, shameful at the memory; Steven could have died, and she failed to protect him. The irony of that was not lost on her.

_Oh. Hey, Garnet. How’s it going?_

_Still damp._

_Oh. Right. The clothes. There are towels in there. Do we even have plumbing up here? How do you get the washer and dryer to work?_

Looking at her left hand, Ruby, Garnet could have smirked at the memory. “Magic,” she whispered out loud. The others were hopelessly confused, but they did not interrupt her.

_Are you… alright?_

_I wish you hadn’t seen that…_

_Oh, it’s okay._ – Of course he would say that, but it wasn’t.

_It’s not okay._

He had seemed really sad at that. … _Why?_

She blinked, still examining Ruby’s gemstone, thinking. How had she put it…? _What Homeworld did, taking the shards and parts of fallen gems and combing them, these gems weren’t asked permission. Fusion is a choice, those gems weren’t given a choice. It isn’t right; it isn’t fusion._

Then, Steven asked her a question. _What’s it like, being a fusion?_

He had fused before.

_I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?_

Somehow, he always asked all the right questions. Garnet felt a wetness line her eyes, remembering. _You forget you were ever alone. You know, when you fuse, you don’t feel like two people, you feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for left arm, and your right._

_When you split up, is it like you disappear?_

That had made her trip up the first time. She doesn’t disappear, she’s a feeling, but she could understand what he meant.

_That’s why you’re so great._

The others were watching her go through the motions. Garnet felt like she was reliving the memory, a quiet, intimate moment between them – a sunny, beautiful day, the ocean sounding calmly in the background. She had been so proud of him for fusing, for understanding the sensitivity behind it, for being patient with her after almost coming undone.

“Steven…” she said out loud, sitting against a wall and putting her head between her hands.

Amethyst, still dangling uselessly in Pearl’s arm, nudged her ever so slightly. She twitched her head, and made a show of moving her eyes, towards Garnet, trying to convey wordlessly to Pearl – _go over there._

Taking a deep breath, Pearl started to walk, careful not to drop Amethyst as they moved across the shaking floor. Lapis and Peridot had both grown silent, listening but preoccupied in their own ways.

“Garnet…? What is it?” Cautiously, Pearl sat down next to the fusion. Garnet said nothing for a moment, thinking.

She leaned up, her face returned to its usual unreadable mask, but her voice sounded pained. “It’s… him. He was trying to tell me something, but…” Pearl bit her lip, curious despite the hopelessness that had settled into her chest, but she did not push her. If Garnet wanted to share something, she would.

 _Fusion is a choice._ Those Crystal Gems, they hadn’t had a choice. _I wish you hadn’t seen that…_ It was true, but he tried to say it was okay. That he was okay. _That’s why you’re so great_.

_Oh._

Steven was just trying to protect them, one last time – it wasn’t a message, it was a _warning._

_He had seen how much it hurt us, the artificial fusion – we almost came apart._

_He didn’t want that for us, for all of us. The punishment of the other Crystal Gems… forced fusion… It was punishment for the rebellion._

_Steven, he… made a choice. Fusion is a choice._

Processing, Garnet spoke out loud again. “Do the right thing…?”

Again, the others did not interrupt her, but they could see her expression change from confused to disturbed. Then, Garnet took off her visor, and turned to Pearl and Amethyst. Her eyes were hard, and her voice was heavy with emotion.

“He… he knew we would fail. He knew what they would do to us, once we were captured,” she winced involuntarily, thinking of the desperate cries and sickening wriggling of the artificial fusions.

“Steven… he fused, so we wouldn’t have to.”

 

* * *

 

Being alone together was strange. It gave them new things to think about, but they weren’t exactly good things.

Holly Blue realized what had happened to Blue Diamond from Steven’s memories, and it absolutely destroyed her heart; Steven had already been suffering the loss of Connie, and now all his mind could do was hope Garnet would lead them away.

_I don’t know why you would be so cryptic._

_It’s… complicated._

It was, but not to them. Opalite knew and felt everything that they felt, so it became obvious as soon as they thought about it – telling them to stay away had not worked. He had tried that endlessly, and Garnet was the leader, so if he could just convince her, maybe she could convince the others. She needed to _feel_ how much he wanted it, not to hear it. It was his last chance…

_Those artificial fusions… They really happened? I had only heard rumors._

It was a half-thought, the other half not bothering to respond. They all knew it was true.

Suspended high in the air, Opalite was bubbled and floating idly in White Diamond’s bubble room. Steven had been here once before, so they weren’t exactly surprised when White Diamond sent them here, but they hated being together like this, alone. It only served to make resentment feel more intense, to settle deeper in Opalite’s stomach. _She_ was everything he never wanted to be; _he_ was everything she hated about humans and traitors.

Opalite figured it would get better the longer they were alone, but after maybe twenty minutes they found their own company near to unbearable.

_My Diamond… Blue Diamond…_

_She lied to me, used you, how can you possibly feel bad?_

_You know how._

_I know, and I hate that you know._

Tears sprang at their eyes anyways, unified despite themselves.

The fusion was having a difficult time – they had not been ordered to split apart before White Diamond sent them away from the crumbling ruins, so Holly Blue refused to let Steven go again, and he didn’t resist as much this time.

 _It’s not worth it._ They weren’t sure who had been the one to think that.

The cerebral wires that bound them were different this time as a result of Steven’s submission. Woven together by spite, the sensation did not burn like electrical wires but felt more like a slow-moving poison; it would kill both of them eventually, leaving only Opalite behind, but there was no antidote to this sort of self-inflicted toxicity. They simply had to wait until White Diamond let them split up, or until the feeling consumed them.

From Steven’s mouth, Opalite bit their tongue, a knee-jerk reaction at the bitter taste they left in his mouth.

_Toxic, indeed._

_We could at least separate until White Diamond comes back._

_Maybe._

_She can punish you, me, us, for disobeying, though._

_We know_.

Sometimes there were only two voices, but most of the time there were three. There was no use trying to deny it from each other – it felt better when Opalite took the reins entirely, at least they were a forced sort of harmony. They didn’t understand anything anymore, or at least, it felt like that. Cross-fusion, rebels, Diamonds… when they had first formed, it had felt so wicked and horribly vindictive. Now? Now it felt… _justified?_ That wasn’t exactly right, warranted might be closer, but their head was swimming.

Accepting pain, acknowledging discomfort… it only goes so far as an alleviant. Holly Blue was not used to feeling so rotten all the time, and Steven certainly wasn’t used to this kind of self-abuse. Saving someone doesn’t heal a broken gem; losing yourself doesn’t cure a disease. Doing these things might serve a distraction, provide some context for your pain, but it only covers what’s underneath – and for them, underneath was a dark, seething distrust. Their mind felt like a collapsing star, hot and unstable, fit to burst and destroy itself under the mass of their dissonance. But what would happen next? Would they form a black hole, a void in space, as destructive as they are enigmatic? Or would they explode before they even had the chance?

More than once, Opalite felt Holly Blue even consider pulling away, disgusted by Steven’s emotionalism, but he was holding her up as much as she was restraining him. Right now, he _needed_ her, to prove himself, to save his family; and she could not disobey an order, no matter which Diamond directed it, and so she _needed_ him to prove she wasn’t a traitor.

This wasn’t submission, or mercy – they were using each other for their own gain. It was textbook manipulation, and neither of them cared if the other knew.

“We’re worse than Malachite,” Opalite said to no one. They were the only living things in this room.

Mercifully, they only had to stay like this, haunted by the ghosts of their undead, for another ten minutes before something changed – it was quiet at first, but they could hear footfalls.

 _Someone is coming_.

They paused, listening, waiting, and their curiosity was answered. It was White Pearl, and she looked utterly unaffected by the fact that she had been a key player in a murderous plot to kill two Diamonds. They couldn’t tell from so far away, but she was sneering at them.

“My Diamond summons… you, together. And, where is it…?” Her eyes scanned the thousands of bubbles, looking for something – or, really, _someone_ – in particular.

 

* * *

 

Peridot shifted nervously in her seat, uncomfortable in the silence. After Garnet had vocalized her realization, things had grown hostile, all of the spirit that had bonded them on this mission left behind, miles beneath Homeworld’s surface. She could tell from the sedimentary changes they must be near the surface, although she didn’t know _exactly_ where they might come up. Her guess was probably somewhere near communications since she knew they were in Yellow Diamond’s Kindergarten, but that was a _very_ large stretch of space.

Pearl had shouted at Lapis when the blue gem snapped at Garnet, the blue gem having grown so angry then that she nearly punched Pearl. Garnet was muttering to herself – or, rather, Ruby and Sapphire were conversing – considering the future, maybe? Peridot didn’t really understand much about that side of their leader.

About a minute ago, Amethyst had yelled so loudly that they all stopped, and then they fell into a shameful quiet, disturbed only by the rumbling of the lutetium against layers of mineral deposits.

The ascent back to the surface was agonizing for the little green gem, now knowing the potential she could have with this sort of technology. Had they still been Prehnite, she could have manipulated the drill and the proportions of the interior depending on the pressure and the types of minerals they were plowing through to speed things up. Moreover, she had created a _literal_ drill back on Earth that was about a hundred times more powerful than this second-rate creation. More than once she wanted to interrupt their fighting, to ask Lapis to help her, but she could tell Lapis was really struggling after watching what had happened… It even made Peridot wince to think about. She now understood the challenges of fusion, and considering Malachite and Lapis’ past… she didn’t want to push that on her, especially not now.

Clearing her throat, the green gem tried to broach the subject. “Well, um, we’re almost at the surface… I think we’ll be near the Com Hub, if that’s helpful?” She didn’t sound confident, and no one answered her, so they continued to sit in silence.

For Garnet’s part, she didn’t _want_ to ignore Peridot; she knew she was only trying to help. But the fusion was facing a terribly difficult decision, made no better by the others fighting.

Steven had made things very clear now – this was not a rescue mission. In fact, he had been the one to rescue them. If he hadn’t intervened, White Diamond would have killed them, but it was at the cost of his life and his freedom. It would be… foolish, really, to try to go after him now – he wasn’t even Steven, he had willingly given himself into their fusion to demonstrate what this had cost him. It was her responsibility to protect him, both as the leader of the Crystal Gem, and with Rose gone… but that chance has come and gone.

Looking around her, Garnet was struggling, hating to admit the reality before her. Now that she knew what Steven had tried to tell her, the future had shifted, but only slightly. If she tried to lead them after him again, they would fail, so he was trying to take that choice off the table. They would be punished, and it would be brutal – could it even be worse than the artificial fusions? She wouldn’t put it past Homeworld…

But could she live with herself if they just… left him? The others would resent her, think that she “gave up,” probably blame Sapphire for putting too much stock in a bleak future. But her responsibility as the leader of the Crystal Gems went beyond just Steven, hard though it was to admit… Could she, in good conscious, lead Peridot, Lapis, Pearl, Amethyst, her Ruby and her Sapphire to certain death, just out of principal to not stop fighting until they died?

That would be a waste of Steven’s sacrifice, and they would never return Connie’s body to Earth, to her parents; they would never be able to give Greg any sort of closure; there would be no Gems left on Earth to protect the humans from any corrupted gems still out there…

_I hate this, Ruby._

_I know Sapphy – I’m sorry. I’m here…_

_Do you... think we should tell them? Let them decide?_

_I… don’t know…_

Garnet let her eyes rest on Pearl and Amethyst to her left, her oldest friends in the universe. She could see how the conversation would go, but it still didn’t give her an answer.

_They would still want to go after him. I know it’s their right to choose…_

_But they can only choose if **we** give them the choice. If we say nothing…_

_They’ll be safe, and we’ll go home._

_But Steven…_

_Where did we go wrong, Ruby?_

_I don’t know, Sapphire. I don’t know._

Looking at her hands, the gems embedded within, she flexed her fingers lightly.

Did it really come down to just… basic numbers? One choice could cost six lives, and Steven would be trapped here, living with the guilt of their death. Another choice meant no one else had to die, and Steven would still be stuck here. She had a responsibility to them, and to him, and there was only one situation in which they all came out alive.

Sighing, Garnet stood up and walked to Peridot, the others watching her. The fusion placed a gentle hand on the green one’s shoulder. “Thank you for guiding us, Peridot. We _will_ surface near the Communication Hub…”

_I’m sorry, Steven._

“But I can’t tell what happens after that. We’ll just have to do our best.”


	37. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven deals with the consequences of his actions, and the Gems struggle to face reality.

_Are you sure, Sapphy?_

_Only if you are._

“Garnet, what’s happening?” It was Pearl, still trying her best to keep Amethyst from bumping around too much as they finally came to the surface. There wasn’t any light that made it through the green metal, but there were sounds again. They were all exchanging nervous glances, unsure of what was beyond – well, Garnet was very sure, but right now she needed to play the part.

“I have a plan.” The fusion considered if they should wait or try to bust out – Amethyst might get hurt with the latter approach, so she directed accordingly.

“I don’t think they’ll be aggressive, but let’s let them come to us. I will be safer that way, for Amethyst.” She nodded towards the purple gem, the reasoning sound enough, so no one challenged her.

Everything happened predictably after that, as much as it hurt Garnet to sit by and remain compliant.

When the hatch was torn open, there were a White Quartz soldiers, shocked gasps from the Gems, followed by a defeated exodus to the space dock that Sugilite had more-or-less destroyed. The only noteworthy thing was how eerily quiet things were across Homeworld, especially after the last time they had been on the surface; Blue and Yellow’s madness had definitely faded. Now, everything felt dead, and, by extension, so did they. Peridot volunteered to carry Connie in Prehnite’s bubble, but it was pretty macabre so she tried to busy her mind with other things.

Pearl had to constantly resist the urge to try to whisper to Garnet, wondering where she was going with this plan, because it really _didn’t_ seem like a plan at all, but she had put her trust in Garnet for thousands of years so she bit her tongue.

Eventually, after maybe thirty minutes of travel with their military escort, they were tucked away onto a Roaming Eye. Two Quartz soldiers from their original escort stood at the door outside, while a Peridot made adjustments to the autopilot within. The star-bearing Peridot eyed her suspiciously as she spoke to Lapis.

“One course to the Earth colony, then the ship immediately returns to Homeworld,” said the green, limb-enhanced gem. She directed her statement at the blue gem, the rest of them too much of a sore-sight for her attention: a Pearl, a cross-fusion, a limbless Peridot, and a defective Amethyst.

Lapis was just gazing at her, eyes wide with inexplicable anger, like another word might send her into a murderous rampage (which, it might) so the Peridot was resigned to hurry off the ship behind the Quartz soldiers. The door sealed shut after, and they all jumped into action.

Their Peridot spoke first, animate as ever. “Okay, Garnet, what’s the plan?!” Somehow, she even managed to sound excited. Lapis had moved nearby and was holding her hand, but the blue gem said nothing.

Pearl blinked a few times, thinking, noting the ground start to shake slightly as the engine turned on. “Garnet… what _is_ the plan?”

The cross-fusion had turned her back to them, though, looking out the window as they started to move.

“The plan is… to go home.”

 

* * *

  

“You are dismissed, Pearl.”

White Pearl promptly turned on her heel and headed out a side-door, leaving Opalite on the ground breathing heavily. With each inhale, the fusion winced in pain; being bubbled had not been difficult, relieving the strain on their Rose Quartz gemstone in a sort of stasis, but this was agonizing.

_Get up – this is what we’re talking about._

_You’re making me look weak._

_I’m… trying…_

_Disappointing, as always._

They were on their knees at the foot of White Diamond’s throne, escorted here punctually by her Pearl – who, Steven could now no longer ignore, must have been _just_ like his Pearl before the war. Had he the ability right now, Opalite might have lingered on the subject longer, but they were trying to focus through their discomfort.

“Was it worth it, Steven?” Their Diamond’s voice was sharp, unamused.

_No._

_Not really._

_Stop it – yes._

“I-I, yes. They needed to leave... my Diamond.” They hissed out the words, looking up at her. White Diamond wasn’t even bothering to return their gaze, examining ambiguous shards in a bubble that Pearl had brought; they couldn’t tell what color they were with their vision obscured.

Her lips were pursued, but otherwise, her face was unreadable. “I don't know if it was, though.”

None of them really knew what that meant, so they just waited, trying to stay very still.

The room was silent except for their ragged breathing, White Diamond sitting at her throne as elegant and intimidating as a god. The room was white, Opalite knew, but it all looked pink – so, so much pink. It was like the execution, but everything felt inverted, because White Diamond _wasn’t_ shattered, the gems _weren’t_ hopelessly lost across Homeworld, and he _wasn’t_ alone – even if he wanted to be.

_Don’t act like a victim, you wanted this._

_I’m not – it doesn’t mean I have to like it._

_Stop it, both of you._

They had never been more at odds – except when they had shattered and separated the first time – and now Opalite couldn’t agree on anything. Every thought was biting, lined with venom, infused with pain. Holly Blue had quickly gone from mourning Blue Diamond to blaming Steven, which made their head pound painfully. Steven was already harboring so much guilt about everything – Dani, Connie, the take down _three_ Diamonds he had been a part of, leaving the Crystal Gems, agreeing to _this_ … His mind was wearing under the strain, every new feeling morphing obscenely until it settled onto the pile of his mistakes.

_They **are** your mistakes, and you’ve dragged me into them to._

_You drag everyone down with you._

_I-I know. It’s not like I want that, though._

_Don’t you, though? Didn’t you want this?_

_Didn’t you want to be us?_

_…_

“Unfuse, now.”

Holly Blue’s eyes nearly rolled back in her head with relief, and in an automatic response, they flew apart. White Diamond caught Steven before he hit anything, bubbling him lightly once again – she could tell he must be hurting, badly, or else she would not have bothered.

Shaking her head, Holly Blue Agate managed to laugh, a disturbing lack in that echoed around the room. “I – phew – my apologies, your Grand Omnipotence. It is an adjustment to return from a partially organic body; it is quite a hindrance.”

Steven would have rolled his eyes if he cared enough, but he didn’t. Right now, his body was just entirely exhausted. This whole ordeal had been too much, he had lost too many people, he needed rest. How long had it been since he slept, or ate? It was impossible to tell time in the Kindergarten, it could have been hours or days, and his body made it feel like it could have been weeks. Steven wanted so badly to just eat something, to curl up and maybe cry for a while, to sleep.

What he did _not_ need is for White Diamond to lift him up to her face again, looking ready to launch into a lecture.

Her eyes were aglow, flashing with such malevolence Steven flinched. “You have wronged me not once, Steven, but twice now. Not only did you fail to complete your assignment,” she looked from him for a moment to the bubble in her other hand, and Steven was relieved to have just a moment’s pause. It felt like his heart had stopped beating, if only he had been so lucky.

She returned her piercing stare to him. “But you ridiculed me – threats, interruptions, insubordination. Were you not so valuable, I would crush you without a second thought.”

Steven tried to look away from he, but she just moved him closer to her face, now only inches away. He was vaguely aware that Holly Blue Agate was still somewhere nearby, not one to leave without being dismissed.

“I had hoped we could be cordial, Steven, and I have faith that in time that can come to pass. In time… you will learn to appreciate mercy. You are too young to understand. But, I will make it one of our first lessons, Steven, so you can _really_ think about whether or not it was worth it, to cross me.”

The words billowed like storm clouds in the room, crashing and echoing with threats and danger. Steven swallowed hard at his dry throat, his mind sinking at what she might possibly mean.

 

* * *

 

Pearl had entrusted Amethyst’s flickering form to Peridot for a time, which seemed to cheer them both up – at least they could try to give each other comfort right now, because Pearl was _not_ in a comforting mood.

Her hands were shaking, her brow furrowed, but her cheeks were dry. She just sat in one of the pilot seats, watching the universe fly past them, gritting her teeth in silence. The conversation from earlier was still ringing in her ears, blocking out the world around them.

_“What do you **mean** we’re going back to Earth? Have you – what?”_

It was Lapis who said that, too surprised and angered to formulate words, but Pearl had picked up where the blue gem had left off. Maybe she had known the whole time, the moment something had seemed off about Garnet she should have intervened – she was going to willingly leave Steven behind, and everyone else was going to return to Earth. It was something Rose would have done to save her team, Pearl should have seen it miles away even without future vision, but still…

_“Garnet, you can’t mean this. We have to go back – we, Steven, he’s trapped in a **fusion**! You should realize what that means better than anyone.”_

Behind the visor, Pearl could tell her words hurt, and she was glad for that. This was outrageous.

_“Steven… made the choice, not me. I could lead us all to die, and we would still fail him; or, we could try to do right by his, by Rose’s, legacy, and continue to protect the Earth. I… I didn’t want this, Pearl.”_

No, of course not.

 _“But Garnet – we came all this way, we… we fought so hard. C-Connie…”_ her voice had choked up, eyes involuntarily flickering over to the shining turquoise bubble. Still, just remembering, Pearl hugged her arms tightly and felt tears line her eyes. How did she let this happen?

That had broken Garnet, too, and her Ruby started to really show. “ _I know Pearl! Don’t you… don’t you think I hate this, too? But it’s what Rose, it’s what she would have wanted. You have to know that!”_

Pearl’s heart had already been broken, did it really help for Garnet to smash the shards of what remained into dust?

“ ** _DON’T_** _try to tell **me** what Rose would have wanted. Do you think **ROSE** would have wanted her son to die, to give himself to Homeworld because **we** failed, Garnet? Is that what you think?”_

The fusion had turned away from Pearl then, her hands clenched into fists and her head down. Pearl knew she was being hurtful, but right now, she didn’t care – how could Garnet give up so easily? She had led them to space knowing the odds had been poor, but they hadn’t given up in spite of everything. Now she was forcing their surrender.

Amethyst spoke up, her voice several octaves higher than normal as the crack in her gemstone continued to send her body into a spiral.

_“Why can’t you… both… **STOP**? Can’t you just shut up about Rose for one second? Or did you forget, she’s freakin’ **DEAD.** What about what Steven wanted? Do you think **STEVEN** would have wanted you to… fight?”_

The purple gem’s voice cracked, and Pearl looked down to realize she had started to cry. Amethyst… Part of the white gem now, sitting there, wanted to take her purple companion into her arms and hug her tightly, to apologize, but right now she couldn’t. She was just… too furious, too hurt, too disturbed by all that had happened.

It was at that point that Peridot had come between them, leaving Lapis to herself for a moment. _“P-Pearl, why don’t I hold Amethyst, for now? Your arms are probably…tired?”_

She didn’t sound very convincing, but Pearl could see she was just causing Amethyst more grief, so she gently transferred her to the green gem to hold.

And after that, no one spoke to anybody. Lapis sat alone, Garnet looked out one window into space, Pearl looked out another. Peridot held Amethyst awkwardly in her small arms, but they both seemed glad for each other’s company while the others stewed in their anger.

Of course, Amethyst and Peridot were both coming apart internally, but they couldn’t even express those feelings right now. Peridot was the least traumatized of all of them, so she had stepped up to take some charge while they were all hopelessly lost in their defeat – they needed someone to be a voice of reason, to at least not fall apart completely, but her usual fervor had gone, her confidence evaporating with the tension in the bay.

Amethyst was having a very dark conversation with herself, but the others were being so selfish right now she didn’t even have the chance to vocalize her feelings – aside from yelling at Pearl and Garnet. A large part of her was hurt that Garnet chose not to even include them in the decision to leave, and she could see why Pearl was disappointed and angry, but… they had all been there in the Kindergarten, they had all seen what Steven had done, heard what he said. Leaving him behind – thinking about abandoning him – made her insides twist with guilt and anger, but then, why should she feel that way? Were they leaving _him_ behind at all? There was no trace of Steven in there anymore, he was as good as dead, Lapis had been right in the beginning.

And then there was the blame-game, volleyed around between the five of them silently. They were all old enough (literally) to realize that it was no one person’s fault, but the instinct felt natural to deal with their pain. For Amethyst, it came back to Pearl, and Garnet, and the day Steven left for Korea. She had been standing there with Connie, watching them argue… the purple gem’s eyes searched for the girl in the bubble, but she couldn’t see her from her angle, so she let it go and returned to the memory.

_I thought you were going to tell me everything from now on…_

_Please, you’re making Pearl very upset..._

_No, I’m very upset!_

_Rose never wanted you to see this place…_

_R-Rose wanted- what about what **I** want? I’m sick of everyone lying to me! Rose is **my** mom, out of anyone, don’t I deserve to know the truth?_

Honestly, Amethyst couldn’t help but agree with Steven – maybe it was just because the others treated them both like immature children, which, granted, they sometimes could act like, they could both face the truth if they had to. No one wanted to accept Rose had shattered Pink Diamond; no one wanted to accept Rose was going to die when she had Steven; no one even wanted to love, care for, or help raise Steven once he was born. But what good was hiding from reality or running from the truth? Rose did what she had to do, then Rose died, then they took up raising Steven anyways, and they had all become better for it. If they had just been honest with Steven, maybe they wouldn’t have lost him somewhere along the way.

 

* * *

 

Steven bolted upright, breathing heavily, eyes darting around the white room. What happened? Where was he?

_Oh… Right…_

He lifted up his ruined shirt ends and looked at the Rose Quartz gemstone, pink and flawless as it reflected the white light. White Diamond had summoned her Pearl to bring her another Rose Quartz vile, and she repaired him fully. How had she put it?

_“You will need to be cracked again, I’m afraid – we could have done it right away, but that research will have to wait. Knowledge predicates a lesson, and so a lesson you shall learn.”_

Grabbing at his chest while his heart rate slowed, Steven examined his legs by rolling up the dirty fabric around his ankles. He was so, so glad to be alone right now, his eyes raking over the lashes along his skin, welts that rose and fell like the rolling hills in the country. He should have known it was coming, it was foolish to think he could yell demands at White Diamond without repercussions, but still the memories made the hair on the back of his neck stand-up.

A little wobbly, Steven got off the white-rectangle that had doubled as a bed, eyes looking for a familiar sight – water. This was the same room he had been in before, his little holding cell that had been his sanctuary after the experiments, and once again he could not be happier to have a moments privacy.

Steven splashed the water on his face and drank some of it in from his cupped hands, swishing it around between his teeth: there was the taste of dried blood, phlegm from crying, and the gross sort of dried spit taste that stuck around his gums. While he may be very hungry, he was even more thirsty so he took his time drinking and washing his face. There was no mirror – obviously, gems don’t need to see their reflections to gauge the way they look – so Steven couldn’t be sure he removed all the grime around his eyes and mouth, but it felt much better so he dried the water with the collar of his shirt.

There was a neatly folded white shirt and pants that were the image of what his clothes had once been, now discolored by layers of dirt, blood and sweat. There were tears all along the fabric, down the middle, one sleeve entirely ripped off, tears along the back, the knees of his pants ripped through. Oddly, Steven thought as he examined himself, he was reminded of those movies that Sadie and Ronaldo like – he smiled a tiny smile, remembering how his greatest fears had once just been zombies and monsters. He looked like one of those werewolves in the movies after they had returned to human form – looking worse for wear, tired, the same and different all at once.

How much time has passed? There was no way to know. Could it have been just hours ago that he watched the Gems be sealed away from him? Could it really have only been so recently that he had been Opalite, that he was healed by White Diamond, that Holly Blue whipped him under her command? Her face came to mind – even she seemed a little perturbed to be following what White Diamond’s instructed, conceited but with the slightest hints of hesitance lining her annoying sneer.

His mind flickered between his own and Opalite, making him wince as he started to clean the dirt off his arms and legs.

_Didn’t you want this?_

_I thought so._

_Didn’t you want to be us?_

_I guess not._

_You’re making me look weak._

_I know._

_Disappointing, as always._

_Yeah._

It was worth it – it _was_ , Steven tried to tell himself, again and again and again. But even so, the whole thing had been a nightmare. White Diamond let them leave the Kindergarten peacefully, but after that it was no holds barred. Whip, punish, crack, heal, repeat. Whip, crack, heal. Fuse again – but they failed, he couldn’t anymore, he really didn’t want to. Do it, or the Roaming Eye – their ship, the Crystal Gems – will explode. Fuse anyways, hate himself, unfuse. Whip, whip, crack, heal. Fuse again. Stop. Lecture some more, then whip. Fuse again. Sit – wait – watch – a Ruby and a Pearl – wait, Lilac Pearl? From Blue Diamond’s ship? Shattered by her, artificial fusion, melting together. So much pain. “Rhodonite,” she said. Disgusting. Limbs and tearing, just like on Earth. It _was_ disgusting, at least they thought so. “We can fix this.” Unfuse. Pass out.

Steven didn’t realize it but he was crying again, his arms shaking under the running water.

He whispered to himself, looking at the new white circuits spread beneath the skin of his left arm. There was hardly anything traces of pale skin left beneath the markings anymore – mostly white and yellow, with a devastating line of blue that crept between them.

Steven whispered to himself, a shaky breath in the silence. “It _was_ worth it, right?”

 

* * *

 

All of them tensed for a moment when the ship announced their course. “One hour from arrival.”

 _Ugh._ They really were going back to Earth. Amethyst tried to imagine who would tell Greg, or worse yet, Connie’s parents…

By the actions that soon followed, it was obvious she was not the only one having those thoughts. Peridot cleared her throat and asked if it was okay if she bubbled the purple gem, wanting to look at the controls for a moment. Her little fingers flew across a panel and her faced focused, reading something, before speaking to everyone.

“Uh, um, it looks like we will be dropped off at… the galaxy warp,” she said, but no one answered her.

Pearl got up and looked around at all of them, thinking about what might come next. She guessed it would fall on her to speak to the Maheswaran’s, being the closest of them with Connie, but her heart twisted horribly at the thought. Maybe she could have Greg go with her, he seemed to know how to handle these human rituals…

Walking over to the girl suspended in the bubble, it was almost hard for her to imagine she was dead – she looked so peaceful, eyes closed and arms tucked together like she might just be asleep.

Not wanting to startle the others, she cleared her throat. “I-I am going to let her out of the bubble, try to put a bandage on her face so her parents don’t…” tears threatened to choke her, so she stopped and simply started her task.

With a gentle pressure, the bubble popped and Pearl caught Connie in her arms, limp and light, soft like a human but cold like a gem.

Setting her on the ground, Pearl considered how best to do this, what sort of things she might have wanted if the same thing had happened to Steven… Pearl decided with a sigh it would be best to put her back in human clothes, something that might be less jarring for her parents and then bandage any bruises or wounds that were visible.

Lapis had come over, surprised herself, but she felt like she had a responsibility to Connie. The way they held each other when they first discovered the condition of the Temple, the way they had hugged so fiercely… “Can I…” she said weakly, Pearl looking up with surprised, tired eyes.

“Can I help?”

Surprised but grateful, Pearl agreed and indicated for Lapis to hold her head up while she retrieved some things from her gem. Lapis looked into her human face thoughtfully, trying to imagine Steven’s heartbreak and then was distracted by the pounding in her head that followed.

“She… usually wears a sort of spandex suit under her gear, so we can leave that on and put her clothes on over it. I guess let’s do the… shirt first?” Lapis could not quite remember if the shirt was the bottom or the top for human clothes, so she let Pearl lead by starting to awkwardly untangle the girl’s arms from her shirt while Lapis adjusted her shoulders.

There was so much that Lapis felt she had done wrong, the blue gem’s every weighed down by guilt, but she wanted to do at least one thing right by Steven after all of this. He loved this human girl, so Lapis would make every effort to at least give the girl’s human family some peace.

Pearl handed her the shirt once it was off, balled up in a pile. Lapis was a little disturbed that it was wet, but she knew humans were mostly water so maybe they leaked when they died.

Lapis inspected her thin brown shoulders, fully realizing just how young Connie was – she knew Steven and her were both small, but Peridot was small and she was still old. Her collarbone was so thin, so delicate… absently, Lapis tucked a piece of Connie’s hair away from her face, the shirt brushing up against her brown skin when she did.

Garnet spun around suddenly, mouth covered by her right hand. “W-wait! Something’s happening!”

Lapis and Pearl both stiffened, both angry with the fusion in different ways, but they took future vision seriously. They paused, looking between each other and even glancing at Peridot and Amethyst who had turned to watch.

There was a soft hum of the engine in the ship, and then, all of them gasped – Connie had started to sparkle prettily under the artificial Homeworld technology, her brown skin glowing vibrantly like she was under a spotlight, but it was as if the light was filtered through a pink gauze, all of her features radiating softly.

Peridot disturbed the moment, characteristically aloof. “Do humans usually turn pink when they… uh…”

Garnet was crying though, her face smiling through the happy tears as she ran forward, dropping next to Pearl on her knees. “No, this isn’t that. She… Connie, she’s…”

The girl bolted upright, her eyes flying open and gasping for breath like she had just spent a long time underwater. “Steven, I-!” then she blinked several times, realizing she wasn’t in the Kindergarten anymore, Steven was no longer kissing her. She was surrounded by the Gems and they were looking at her faces shocked and appalled and so, so happy that she felt tears spring into her own eyes just by their expressions.

“Wh-what’s going on?” She shook her head, realizing she felt dizzy and disoriented. Her fingers found the sudden tears on her cheeks, surprised.

Pearl was very close to her, and took her hand gently. “C-Connie? _You’re_ …”

The girl followed Pearl’s gaze and gasped, realization crashing over her as she examined her hand in Pearl’s white one. She was… pink?


	38. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes, the truth hurts. But it must be accepted." - Marsha, ruler of Gazorpazorp.

Steven waited a long time for someone to come for him, fearing the worst, but there was no one. He was feeling a little better after washing and changing into his clothes, but his body was still sore and he was thoroughly drained of any sort of motivation. White Diamond, Holly Blue, _Opalite_ … He shuddered, sitting against a wall facing the door.

After what had happened, he was still having a difficult time convincing himself he did the right thing. Connie was still dead, but the Gems were at least alive even if it had cost him. He was here, and they were there, and that was the ways things had to be.

But… god, if this wasn’t harder than he could have imagined. At one point, maybe when he had first come face-to-face with Blue Diamond, Steven recalled thinking about how bad it might be to stay here – maybe they would make him a slave, or make him shatter or even fuse again. It had turned to be all of the above, and living through these things was an entirely different story.

The emptiness in the room, the absolute silence that stretched through the white prison, was befitting Steven’s empty heart. What did he have to live for anymore? He really didn’t want to believe the answer was nothing, he wanted to believe that he had done at least something right by staying here, but White Diamond was ruthless in making him rue what he had done. The Rhodonite… Steven bit his tongue so badly it almost started to bleed.

The true intent behind his presence here was only just now starting to make sense. He wasn’t _just_ a tool for White Diamond to recover lost gems, which is a frightening concept in itself, but there was something about seeing that Ruby and Lilac Pearl, their shards forced together by that glowing white light… What was it with artificial fusions she wanted him to do? When they formed, there was a horrible crying sound, it was so clear they didn’t want that… and then, too, the way Garnet had reacted beneath the Amethyst’s Kindergarten on Earth. The pulsing pain, wanting to reform, the way the shards inside of the Cluster had felt… Those shards weren’t alone anymore, but it couldn’t have stopped them from hurting, missing what it felt like to be themselves. Steven thought he had understood just how horrible it was, but the unbridled cruelty behind White Diamond’s voice made his heart thump painfully against his ribs.

Then there was the matter of Opalite, Opalite, Opalite. Steven put his head into his hands as he thought about it – the truth finally catching up with him. He had wanted to fuse. He really did, and it had worked so far as to show White Diamond he was serious, but he hadn’t anticipated the degree of the fallout.

_Once again, you think with your heart instead of your head. How could you not realize there would be consequences?_

There was a trail of their voice in his mind, echoing a return.

_It wasn’t worth it._

No, yes, it had to be – he had done the right thing, hadn’t he?

_You used her, you used **me** to get what you wanted. But this isn’t even what you wanted, is it?_

“Ugh” Steven muttered, a little too loudly to be in a room by himself. He couldn’t help it, they had been together much longer this time, so everything about them felt much more present than before. This time, the tendrils of his character had not simply snapped when they came apart; each time they fused and unfused, he felt himself become more like _them_. The pattern was changing, no longer interwoven like a lattice of competing identities – it became a blanket rather than a quilt, and it ensconced him so tightly it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“I’m… not Opalite. We, I’m, I’m not you...” It wasn’t convincing.

Half-human, half-gem, all pain and regret, he sat there alone, hungry and tired, thinking to himself. He wasn’t Opalite, he wasn’t Rose Quartz, he wasn’t even sure if he was Steven anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

Stepping off the warp pad a few hundred feet from the barn, the Crystal Gems were back on Earth. They landed at the Galaxy Warp, Lapis particularly tense as they stepped off the ship – she was the one here most recently, and it had been _with_ Steven… When he convinced her to stay on Earth, to make this her home.

_But it’s not home, not really, not without him._

Peridot was the last one off the ship, hesitating before she stepped down.

“And… I just want to make sure, we’re one-hundred percent _sure_ we want to…?”

No one responded, no one bothered to acknowledge her comment. Sighing, the green gem stepped down and left the Roaming Eye empty. As soon as she reached the bottom step, returning her feet to the cool smooth surface of the Galaxy Warp, the stairs receded into the base of the ship and it immediately set to leave, returning to Homeworld.

She watched it go, disappointed and reflective as the red star disappeared into the galaxy above, and then turned to join the others.

Now, the group had returned to the barn, still trying to grip what had just happened. They left, and now they’ve come back in the span of five Earth days, but more so than that, they had failed. Connie’s shoulders were slumped once the others explained what happened to her, to the others, to Steven…

_Steven… why won’t you let us help you?_

She knew why, of course, and she knew it was perfectly in character for him, but it hurt all the same.

The others hadn’t confirmed _exactly_ what happened, but their expressions and reactions had made a few things perfectly clear. First, she had died. Really, actually _died_ , and White Diamond had been the one to kill her, not Steven, despite what he had agreed to do. The last thing she remembered was Steven holding her, saying something down a long tunnel of her vision, and she _thought_ he had leaned down, almost pressed their lips together… but it was difficult for her to know, and it made her stomach feel queasy to ask the others.

To be fair, they were all preoccupied with other things – most notably, she had turned _pink_. It had been more intense when she first woke up, almost too intense to look at, but by now it had started to fade to more of a soft bubblegum look. Her hair had changed accordingly, a few shades lighter than her skin tone, but otherwise she felt… normal. They couldn’t ignore the fact that it _had_ to be tied to Steven – indeed, hadn’t White Diamond been talking about him “curing death?” Between her skin and her hair, they were sort of reminded of his pet Lion, but Connie’s coloration was softening slowly.

The final hour or so before they landed, the others had caught her up with what happened, mostly by Pearl and Garnet. Connie couldn’t put her finger on what it was _exactly_ , but the two were tense when they interacted, sharing none of their normal camaraderie, so she could only assume some of their explanation had been lacking. Patiently, she listened and nodded her head along, thinking, rationalizing, agonizing. It was hard to sit their idly, trying to listen to Garnet explain _why_ exactly they left him, but she could see the pain in the fusion’s face as things started to settle in. Eventually, perhaps ten minutes before they reached Earth, Connie finally spoke, her voice even while she tried to process.

“So… Alexandrite fought White Diamond, while Prehnite worked on an escape vessel. He fused with Holly Blue Agate… again. You all were brought onto the ship, and now… we’re almost back to Earth. Without him.”

Pearl nodded, eyes hard with anger, which surprised her. She would have expected Pearl to be devastated, or heartbroken, or even in hysterics. Instead, she seemed to be boiling under the surface, so Connie did not say anything else for a while. Instead, she joined Peridot, who had been holding Amethyst, and Lapis who had approached them near the front window. They gazed at the stars, watching their blue and green orb, their home, come into view.

Now, they had gone from the Galaxy Warp, quickly to Rose’s fountain to heal Amethyst, and were finally back at the barn. It was dusk; the stretch of sky over the hills could have been beautiful. Orange, yellows, even purples and pinks tinted the miles of sky that expanded outwards. How is it possible that all of the way out there, somewhere far away, Steven was still too far to save? How could they have gone a million miles away only to return empty handed?

“Connie?” Pearl said, making the girl jump as she shook her head, her attention been dragged from the stratosphere, back down through pastel clouds.

“Right, sorry.” She mumbled.

All of the Crystal Gems gathered in the barn, Amethyst reclining on some hay with her eyes closed, Lapis and Peridot gently cuddling with Pumpkin, who seemed ecstatic at their return, while Garnet stood central in the room when her arms-crossed. Pearl led Connie to a random chair nearby to Amethyst and gestured for her to sit, while the teacher leaned against a beam a few feet away.

They sat there for a few minutes, absorbing the world around them – the smell of dust and fresh air, the tickle of cold creeping through the barn as the sun retreated further into the sky, the soft cooing of Pumpkin as the little orange creature reveled the return of its parents. All of them were bound in the indescribable place between inertia and animation, kinetic and potential energy coiling their muscles while tarrying their bodies. If Amethyst had a thought, her legs failed to react; if Pearl wanted to shift her shoulders, her brain stopped working. They were all bound to the ground beneath them, by gravity and responsibility alike, but it was only against their better instincts to run, to fight, to overcome.

Finally, when a sudden chill of the night air made Connie’s hair stand-up, she spoke up. “So… um, what do we do now?”

The others looked around, hoping someone else would be the one to speak, all eyes eventually landing on Garnet; she had been the one to bring them here, so it only felt natural that she would be the one to decide the next steps.

Adjusting her visor, Garnet’s face remained serious. “We need to talk to Greg.”

 

* * *

 

Almost asleep, Steven’s head snapped up when he heard a voice on the other side of the door. He rubbed his eyes, fatigued but glad for something to finally be happening – he was extremely hungry.

“… b-but Holly Blue Agate, we were given – ”

_Ugh. Why her? Why is it always her?_

Steven sat up a little straighter, tightening his grip on his knees. He wasn’t afraid of her, he just didn’t like to be around her, especially alone.

Her voice cut them off, although it was a little sable for her – she almost sounded a bit sad. “I _know_ what you were told, you lousy Quartz. I _said_ White Diamond herself requested that I see the child. Stand aside.”

There was a pause followed by a soft beeping through the wall, and then the door opened to reveal Her Haughtiness. Steven was beyond fearing her, he was far past that now – but she did make him want to tear up the skin on his arms just to make sure it wasn’t blue underneath.

He sighed and met her gaze, the door clasping shut behind her.

“What do _you_ – ” Stopping when he looked at her face, Steven bit back the bitterness in his tone. She wasn’t scowling or threatening – she looked genuinely unhappy.

Holly Blue turned halfway around to look at the door then back to him, then once again at the door. What was wrong with her?

Then, slowly and deliberately, she lifted a single finger to her mouth: _shh_. Skeptical, Steven said nothing and continued to watch her distrustfully. Shutting her eyes peacefully, Holly Blue let out a tiny sigh and the room filled with a sudden light. Glowing and shrinking, her commanding presence receded into itself, shapeshifting. Steven was glad for the warning or else he likely would have yelped, flinching at the sullen blue pile that formed a few feet away. Clearly fatigued from her effort, Blue Pearl was on her knees, holding her arms in a desperate half hug. Her eyes were hidden, but her hair was unusually disheveled as her thin frame quivered on the ground.

“I – what?” her head shot up as he started to speak, finger flying to her lips.

Steven lowered his voice to a tiny whisper. “S-sorry.” She was looking at him from behind her bangs, but made no move to silence him this time. Slowly, he began to crawl towards her since they were both already on the floor.

“What are you doing here?” Steven started to ask, but before she could answer him he realized she had yellow burns along the right side of her body, her arms and legs expanding into wicked tendrils beneath her skin.

He gasped. “A-are you hurt? Is that why you’re here?” She said nothing, gripping her arm protectively, but her head was angled towards the scars on his arm.

Very gently, Steven reached his own defaced arm for her to better examine; he tried not to look at it. “I can’t heal my own, but I can try to heal you.” Blue Pearl continued to stay silent, so he added honestly. “I… don’t know for sure if it will work. I’ve never healed this stuff before.”

Not wanting to alarm her further, Steven withdrew his arm back to his side and sat crossed leg in front of her, still frozen on her knees and shaking.

 _She looks so scared…_ He thought about Holly Blue’s loss of Blue Diamond, hurting his own mind by extension, and he realized the magnitude of the loss for this Pearl. Blue Diamond, to her, must have been her _everything_ , the only reason she had a purpose, lucky enough to serve one of most esteemed members of Homeworld, and now…

Steven lowered his eyes, now covering his own arm. “I-I’m so sorry, about your Diamond. I never wanted that.” Even if she had lied to him and been needlessly cruel, it was true. Steven never meant for everything to blow up like this, and even if she shattered Dani and toyed with his emotions, the loss of her and Yellow Diamond meant White Diamond was the sole authority left to rule all of Homeworld. She was a hundred times worse than either of the other Diamonds, and he had been a part of the plot that killed her.

Finally, Blue Pearl spoke, her voice barely audible. “D-do you, can… can you help me? Pea- um, the renegade, she… I knew her.” Steven looked up, the slender gem hugging herself tighter as she worked up her nerve.

“Oh, you knew Pearl? Er, White Diamond’s old Pearl, I guess? I don’t know if I can really help, but…” For the first time since he had woken up in Dani’s arms, Steven felt a little happy, at ease, glad to be in company instead of wishing he was alone.

Blue Pearl studied him for a moment, and nodded twice. “Yellow, she… she is worse t-than me.” Steven was confused for a second, and realized she must be referring to Yellow Pearl, noting how Blue Pearl rubbed her arm.

“She, t-the renegade…” Blue Pearl lowered her head, as if every word was causing her pain. Steven could only listen as she fell to pieces, the devastation from her loss evident.

“A long time ago… she tried to get u-us to leave. With her. With… um, the rebel leader,” she said, biting her lip as Steven nodded. His mother.

“We wouldn’t. Couldn’t. I-I’m not even sure anymore. But, we want to go now. P-please, can you…?”

Holding his head in one hand, Steven thought to himself. He really wanted to help her, both of the Pearls, but could he? His eyes lingered on the budding electricity beneath her veins, their shared pain marked clearly from White Diamond’s wrath. But what could he do? He could offer to poof and bubble her, send her back to the Temple, but would the Gems ever let her out? Would they even notice her appear in the room? It could take decades for them to realize…

As he opened his mouth to speak, Blue Pearl spilled more of her hurt into the air, the whispers so heavy with guilt and shame that Steven felt himself tear up. “We – I know, wh-what happened to the other Pearl. The Ruby fusion. P-please, hybrid child, _please_ … we don’t want that. She, h-her Grand Supremacy, she has already started to change the order of our kind.  The announcement – it went out only hours ago. You are being blamed for their death, b-but we were there. We know the truth. We- we _saw_ it,” she let out a choked sob, her hair falling down her face as she lowered her head. Steven reached out a hand to comfort her, but she flinched away.

“M-my Diamond, she, you didn’t… it was _her_ , and now she…” Twin tears streaked her gentle blue cheeks as she looked up at him.

“ _Please_. I don’t want to die.”

Steven sighed, balling up his fists against his pants in frustration. His mind rang with threats and punishment and his own fears.

_Was it worth it?_

_Yes. Maybe?_

_She’s just a Pearl, let her suffer._ Opalite sneered behind his vision, their voice as strong as he was weak.

_That’s – no._

_You suffered greatly once already – why do it again for a stranger? A loyal subject to Blue Diamond, no less._

_But she’ll die…_

_A lot of Gems are going to die because of what you did._

_You’re right…_

He whispered to himself, startling Blue Pearl. “But she doesn’t have to be one of them.”

She wiped a tear away, still holding herself. “W-what? Who doesn’t?”

“Oh – um, n-nevermind.” Steven held his head, ignoring the pounding in the back of his brain. “I’ll help you. I can’t get you out, but think I know who can.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Peridot and Lapis stayed behind at the barn, neither of them particularly close with Steven’s father and unsure of what else to do. While Garnet and Pearl went into town, Amethyst and Connie remained at the Temple, tasked with finding Lion and checking to make sure nothing had gone terribly wrong while they were away (Pearl insisted that Connie should rest or eat, but she didn’t feel the need at the moment).

The walk through the sand and into the streets of Beach City was quiet and tense, neither having spoken directly to each other since Amethyst silenced them on the Roaming Eye. This sort of muteness was not uncharacteristic for Garnet, but Pearl was struggling with her emotions, trying to imagine what they will say to Greg.

When they passed by the Big Donut, Pearl noticed the Donut Humans arguing characteristically, neither seeming to notice them walking outside. How is it that humans always seem to express their feelings so easily?

By the time the pair had reached Fish Stew Pizza, perhaps another five minutes from reaching the car wash, Pearl and Garnet stopped simultaneously. Pearl wanted to speak, and Garnet had seen it coming, so they both stood on the boardwalk in silence for a moment.

“Garnet, I…” she started to say, pivoting between anger and grief.

The fusion held a hand up, walking around her to lean against the wall. “No, Pearl, _I’m_ sorry. You have every right to be mad at me, at us,” she held up both her hands, looking down at Ruby and Sapphire in her palms. “We should have been honest, and Amethyst was right. I-I thought it was best to do what Rose would have wanted.”

Pearl looked from Garnet to her hands, clenching them into fists as she felt fresh tears spring to her eyes. “Rose’s choices were never easy to understand… but, what about what you wanted, Garnet? What about what we might have wanted?”

She glanced up at her, watching Garnet’s face fall into a frown. Sighing, the fusion looked up at the stars as they started to peak through the darkening sky.

“I don’t know anymore, Pearl. What I want, what we want, what Steven wants… Nothing is clear. Steven told me to do the right thing…” she lowered her head and took off her visor, looking at Pearl through three pained eyes.

“I thought I made the right choice, but why does it feel so wrong?” Her blue eye started to swell with a single tear.

_Sapphire…_

Moving next to her against the wall, Pearl leaned her back up and slid down to sitting, letting her long legs extend into the street.

They sat in silence for a while, watching the stars continue to shine. Pearl eventually released a long sigh and looked up at her. “It feels like we’ve gone back, doesn’t it?” Her voice was heavy.

Garnet said nothing, knowing she was referring to the war.

“You _did_ do the right thing, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to face it. We’ve lost so many people.” Pearl closed her eyes, covering them with a hand.

“I just never thought we would lose him.”

They were still for a moment longer, forgiveness and thousands of years of memories taking them both for a time. Pearl released a half-hearted chuckle when a few humans could be heard leaving the restaurant, but they did not pay the pair any mind.

“He was always just like her… all the way until the end.”

Returning her visor to her face, Garnet had to fight the urge to cry, but she managed to steel herself. They had been selfish for a long time; now, they had to try to be better. For him.

Eventually, Garnet offered Pearl a hand to stand up. “Let’s go see Greg. He needs to know the truth.”

Pearl looked at her and sighed a final time, grabbing it in acceptance.

“Right. Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Relaxing not far from the barn, Peridot played with a drill in her hand. She was holding it upside down, smiling at the memories associated with her ignorance, but it was a sad sort of smile. Lapis was inside the barn with Pumpkin, and she hadn’t spoken much since they had been back; Peridot wasn’t exactly in a talkative mood herself, so she was resigned to the quiet of the country and the whirring of her drill.

 _Mi-Fa-Mi-Mi-Fa-Mi-Ti-La_ … The green gem hummed the familiar melody, trying to get the sound of the tool in her hand to match. It didn’t, but it was something to take her mind off of things.

She knew she shouldn’t be sad about Yellow Diamond on the one hand, given that she had cut those ties on not-so-great terms, but she was still _her_ Diamond. It had been hard – nigh, impossible – for her to imagine a life without her, but here she was, existing peacefully, light years away. Why did it feel different now that she knew Yellow Diamond was shattered? It shouldn’t matter, but it did, and it frustrated her.

Perhaps more vexing, Peridot felt like no one understood her once again – not even Lapis, not truly. Her experience on Homeworld had been very different than the others, and now she felt more alone than ever. Part of her felt selfish for wanting some attention, knowing that Garnet and Amethyst and the others were going through a harder time, but did that invalidate her feelings? If it was supposed to, then she perhaps she was defective.

On top of her frustrations, Peridot felt guilty. Had the circumstances not been so dire, she and Lapis may never have formed Blue Prehnite, something that had made her little green hands start to shake. It was wonderful to put so much trust into someone, to feel important, but it had been at a terrible cost. All of the confidence they had invested to form Prehnite had been for nothing – at least it felt like that. It didn’t feel worth it.

“That clod…” she groaned, tossing the drill to the side.

There _is_ something that is worth more than peace and love on the planet Earth, and Steven was too stubborn to realize it. It was _him_.

Watching the universe move around her, Peridot studied the stars and constellations of this solar system until she no longer could. Just as she started to get up, she realized Lapis had been standing nearby, looking at her.

She blushed deep green. “H-how long were you standing there?”

Lapis just shrugged and walked closer, sitting down in the grass next to her. This was the first time they had been alone since they had formed Prehnite the first time.

They were silent for a little while, looking into sky above. Eventually, Lapis spoke.

“Do you… think we did the right thing?”

The green gem didn’t respond at first, studying the way a certain red star glimmered, likely exploding thousands of light years away.

“Do you want the truth?”

Lapis responded vaguely. “Mmm…”

Peridot took that as an affirmative. “Yes, I do.”

Her voice wasn’t harsh or cruel, just honest. The pair continued to sit there, watching a flock of birds fly through the darkness, their black silhouettes moving through the night.

“I… don’t.” Lapis eventually said.

“I thought you might feel that way.”

Lapis leaned up on her elbows, turning to look at Peridot. “I wish I could be like you sometimes. I just… I get caught up in these things,” she let her eyes behold the stars again, and turned back over to lay in the grass next to the green gem.

“You’re so… _you_. I feel like I lose myself every time… that I’m a little less of who I was.” Lapis’ voice cracked, so she looked away into the hills.

Peridot’s instinct was to comfort the blue gem, but she hesitated. How could she explain so that Lapis would understand?

Clearing her throat lightly, Peridot spoke up. “Actually… you’re wrong, Lapis. I’m, well, I’m Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG. I’m not that _me_ at all anymore. I… lost myself a long time ago, and now I’m just trying to pick up the pieces.”

Lapis was quiet for a moment, thinking. “I’m sorry, Peridot.”

That was not what the green gem expected. “Why would you say that?”

“I wish I could agree with you – I _want_ to think we did the right thing. But it hurts.” Her voice was quiet, still turned away from her.

“I – I don’t want to be like this, who I’ve become.”

Without thinking, Peridot blurted out. “Why? You’re amazing.”

They both paused for a moment, embarrassed, but Peridot realized she didn’t need to be wary anymore – they had literally shared a mind and a body, they both knew it was how she felt. Sitting up, the green gem looked at Lapis, prompting her to turn back and meet her gaze.

“Look, Lapis, I… I don’t think we’ll ever agree on some things. _Most_ things, maybe.” Lapis frowned, not expecting this, but Peridot continued.

“But that’s okay. I don’t like you because we’re the same; I like you _because_ we’re different. I’m changing every day, becoming less of myself every time the stars come out,” she turned her gaze up to the cloudless atmosphere, dark and beautiful.

“And you are, too. It’s just a part of living here, on Earth. It’s what Steven showed us that makes life worth living; we’re never the same on the inside, and you and I will never be the same, either. Maybe we’ve gotten better, or maybe we’ve gotten worse – but it’s irrefutable that we’re different now. If you hadn’t changed, if I hadn’t changed, we wouldn’t have been, um, able to… fuse.”

Lapis was blushing, thankful that Peridot was looking at the sky and not at her. The green gem’s voice softened, and she released a small sigh. “The truth is, I’m… I’m hurting, too, Lapis. I may seem okay, but I’m not. I miss him. I feel like I failed. It felt horrible to watch the ship go back, empty.

“But I have to tell myself we did the right thing, if only because it’s what he wanted. Because I won’t stop changing even if we didn’t, and neither will you.”

Sitting up fully, Lapis looked at Peridot, her green eyes shining. “He gave us another chance. If we were wrong, then we are worse. If we were right, then we are better. I… I want to be better.”

She looked down, not able to meet her blue eyes. “For you.”

Lapis suddenly threw her arms around Peridot, holding her close, squeezing tightly against her small frame. “I… I thought I lost you up there.” Lapis whispered.

Peridot said nothing but returned the hug while Lapis continued to speak. “I’m glad you’re here, and I’m glad you’re safe. Thank you… for being honest with me.”

Unexpectedly, Peridot started to giggle, her mischievous little laugh making Lapis withdraw in confusion. The green gem in her forehead had started to glow.

“Perfect example! I used to be so afraid to fuse. Now _that’s_ different. I think it’s better now.”

Holding her at arm’s length, Lapis smiled smugly, one eyebrow raised. “You… wanna?”

A green hand came up to take the blue one off her shoulder, voice gentle. “No – right now, I just want to be here with you.” And so she flopped back into the grass matter-of-factly. Lapis was bemused, laying down next to her and saying nothing.

They were quiet for a long time after that, sad and happy, watching the stars peacefully. At some point, Peridot had started hum a melody, the tune Steven had used to teach her to sing.

“What is that?” The blue gem leaned up on her elbows, looking over at her.

She smiled. “It’s _mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la_.” Lapis looked confused, so Peridot tried the Steven-approach.

“Okay, let me start over. If you’re going to learn, you have to sing with me.”

Lapis nodded, perplexed.

Peridot squared her shoulders. “Okay, so, first, the words relate to the key…”

 

* * *

 

Steven was on edge, never having entered _this_ room from an actual door. It looked even more massive from below.

After he agreed to help Blue Pearl, she informed him that they would have to act immediately – she would likely be killed before having another chance to sneak off. Before he let her shapeshift again, however, Steven insisted that he let him heal her.

Cringing when he touched her, Blue Pearl’s mouth fell open in surprise once the warm spit dried on her forearm. It worked seamlessly, the tension melting off her shoulders evident from her change in posture. In spite of everything, he had smiled at her.

“See? I don’t bite.” The mild gem looked offended at that, withdrawing from him for a moment.

“I-I never suggested you did. Humans typically only bite when they need to eat, as I understand.”

Steven slapped himself on the forehead, almost laughing if not for the guards that had been right outside. “Oh, duh, sorry. It’s an Earth thing. Anyway, let’s go.”

And, much to his surprise and relief, things had gone smoothly after that. It didn’t take much acting on his part to appear hurt and dejected as “Holly Blue Agate” escorted him away – even if Blue Pearl’s voice wasn’t totally convincing, she did have an impressive sneer.

Now, Steven and Blue Pearl had just entered White Diamond’s bubble room, eyes scanning the glistening orbs that shined like stars above their heads. While it would have been safer for her to remain disguised as Holly Blue, Steven knew how strenuous shapeshifting could be, so he didn’t blame her for reverting to her original form the moment the door shut.

Still quiet, Steven whispered to her on his right. “Okay, she’ll be white, shards – not cracked, and she _may_ have dirt on her. I’m not sure…” If White Diamond had removed the dirt, Dani would be extremely difficult to find here. He bit his lip, scanning over plenty of bubbles that contained regular white shards, shuddering as he thought about the sheer capacity of death in this room.

“Wait,” Blue Pearl’s voice had turned to a sharp whisper, sounding very much like his Pearl at that moment. “I thought you said you knew someone. How can we, if they’re shattered…” Steven cut her off though, spotting a mound of dirt high in the room.

“I see her! Just, don’t worry about it, I’ll figure that part out.” Pearl looked nervous but did not protest – she was really out of options at this point.

Turning his head up to look at her face, half-hidden in her pretty blue hair, Steven asked her a question. “Do you… know how to get her down? I could try to jump – I can float, most of the time – but if I run into anything…” his voice trailed off when she marched towards a wall, retrieving a panel from nothingness. Her fingers across the screen effortlessly and a single, white laser appeared from the floor, scanning the length of the room until it rested on the bubble full of dirt and shards.

“Wow,” Steven said. He watched in awe as the vertical beam of light formed a sort of elevator, reminding him of the Maheswaran abacus that Connie hated. The delicate orb moved down to the ground level, still a little too tall for him, so Steven leapt up and grabbed it.

Popping the bubble lightly, Steven felt his heart hurt as he remembered how Dani had tried to protect him, how kind she had been when everyone else treated him like a blemish to Homeworld, a monster in their perfect order. He sighed and re-bubbled the shards himself, now pink and glittery beneath the orb.

“Okay, we will have to – ” but Steven stopped dead, his eyes going wide as he heard footsteps and a voice. Pearl looked petrified, so fragile a single breath of wind might knock her over.

She hissed at him, flattening herself against the jutting doorframe. “ _Hide!”_

Steven stifled a groan, the room entirely lacking any sort of beams or structures for him to hide behind. He was resigned to do the only thing he could – jump.

But his nerves were shot, causing him to misjudge the pressure when he pushed off the ground. Jumping at a weird angle, Steven flew straight into a bubble – thankfully, it contained only shards, no gem to reform and catch them. It burst, half a dozen blue shards clinked to the ground, not very loudly, but loud enough. The voices outside paused, the footfalls stopped. Steven and Blue Pearl were exchanging a look of muted horror, him floating down slowly as he held onto the bubble, careful not to exert too much pressure, while Blue Pearl folded her hands as if in prayer and pushed herself back into the wall as much as she could.

“…on without me, I’ll catch up in a moment.” The doors sprang open a moment later, and Steven had to suppress a groan. _Seriously?_ It was Heliodor, her posture hard and her eyes suspicious. She entered the room, scanning the floor as her eyes came to rest on the pile of shards.

“Someone is here… I can sense you. Pearl, perhaps?” She whipped around once she was several feet past the threshold, gaze fixing on the shaking blue gem pressed up against the wall. Steven couldn’t see her eyes, but the orange gem’s voice was enough to tell him that this was not about to be a friendly encounter.

Heliodor started to stride forward, stalking upon Pearl like a bird of prey, ready to strike. Her voice only became more deadly as she advanced on her – mercifully, Pearl did not make any indication that Steven was floating above their heads, likely too frozen in fear.

“I thought you may have run off, I just had a _feeling¸_ you might say.” Pearl grabbed her arm defensively, much like Steven did out of habit anymore. His stomach twisted uncomfortably as he watched, Heliodor almost upon her, fighting with himself.

_She’ll die anyways, this was never going to work._

_If you just go back to your cell, you won’t get punished anymore._

_But she doesn’t deserve to die – she didn’t even do anything!_

_It doesn’t matter. She’s a Pearl, they don’t need a reason._

“Ugh,” Steven said, making no effort to be quiet. He moved Dani to his left hand and held up his right arm, summoning his shield and grabbing it one-handed. Turning awkwardly, he managed to whip it effectively, hitting Heliodor squarely in the back.

“Wha – _you!_ ” The orange gem’s expression went from surprised to infuriated, spinning to face him.

Steven dropped easily to the ground, landing on his feet. “I won’t let you hurt her.” He summoned his shield again, leaving Dani safely in the air.

“Oh?” Her gem started to glow and her hands turned into long, dangerous claws, shimmering orange and expelling a dangerous looking vapor.

She started to walk forward, after Steven, silent and predatory. Absently, his left hand flexed for a whip that didn’t exist, a morning star that he didn’t want but could _really_ use right about now.

Heliodor was almost upon him, kicking the forgotten blue shards out of the way. Steven gulped hard, but kept his ground, waiting for an opening.

But the opening never came. Heliodor opened her mouth to speak, likely some sort of belittling taunt, but her voice caught in her throat. Steven’s eyes went wide as a white beam lanced her physical form, piercing her through the gemstone rooted in her torso. Eyes wide, Heliodor’s face began to puff up obscenely, her features contorted strangely under the sudden light. A moment later, she poofed, her gemstone clattering against the floor in a surge of orange smoke.

Steven’s mouth had fallen open, and as the smoke cleared he looked up from the floor to Blue Pearl, hovering over the same panel as before. She looked shaken, but sort of proud, too.

Naturally, Steven’s eyes became stars. He should have kept his voice down, but the moment was too gratifying. “Pearl, that was _so_ cool _!_ ” She blushed prettily, dark blue peaking beneath her hair. Maybe it was the adrenaline of the moment, but she actually smiled a tiny smile.

“I guess… it was ‘cool’, wasn’t it?”

Still beaming, Steven leaned down and bubbled Heliodor and the unnamed blue shards that had scattered across the crisp white floors. Should he send her back to the Temple? That would be a weird conversation if the Gems eventually unbubbled her, decades or centuries later.

_“I don’t remember bubbling you,” Pearl might say, scratching her chin thoughtfully._

_Amethyst would probably laugh, and Garnet would say nothing,_

_“You wretched Pearls!” Heliodor would shake her fist at the ceiling, defeated._

Shaking his head, Steven decided he didn’t really have a choice; it would be much worse if he left her here to reform while trying to sneak Blue and Yellow Pearl off-planet – just another punishment to add to the pile.

Blue Pearl studied his frown, coming closer, obviously on edge after being found once – they would not be so lucky again. “H-hybrid child? Are you alright?”

“Right. Sorry.” Blinking a few times, Steven tapped the top of both bubbles and sent them away. Without missing a beat, he then jumped into the air, this time a little more carefully, and grabbed Dani again.

Now it was Pearl’s turn to frown. “What do we do now? I can get you to where they’re keeping Yellow, but…” She did not know the first thing about shards, and after the threat of artificial fusion was made against her, she was nervous about his intentions.

“I… can heal her, apparently.” Steven didn’t sound very confident, which did little to reassure Blue Pearl.

He bit his lip, a little worried – he hadn’t seriously thought about _how_ he would heal her. “I’ve got healing spit, like you saw, but apparently I’ve got healing… plasma, too?” Pearl was looking at him, her expression making it clear that she had no idea what he was talking about, so he just scratched his head frustratingly.

“Okay, let’s just, get out of here first. Is there anywhere we can go, so I can do this?”

Looking down and her feet, Pearl folded her hands together; she looked so scared once again. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know. We are usually not allowed in White Diamond’s military district, and I’m afraid we haven’t much time.”

Steven was a little annoyed by that, but he had already come this far to help her, so he was resigned to do the only thing he could. “Okay. Well, then you’ve got to help me. This is going to be… gross, probably,” he started to walk towards a wall so he could sit down, still holding Dani’s bubble between his hands.

Timid but graceful, she followed him to the wall, but did not sit. “What do I need to do?”

“I need you to… stab me,” he said, chuckling weakly. She did not understand what was funny about it, but she did not argue.

Blue Pearl raised a hand to her chest as her gem started to glow, withdrawing a thin blue sword, delicate and pointed to a deadly tip. Steven watched her, surprised and a little disturbed by her complacency, but mostly interested by her pretty blue blade. He didn’t know a lot about swords besides training with Connie and what his Pearl had taught him, but he was pretty sure it was a rapier.

She gripped the blade in her hands with no confidence whatsoever – she lacked all of the refinement and technique of Connie and Pearl, but then, it was unlikely she ever had need of her weapon. Gently, she spoke. “How should I… ?”

He had no idea how long this would take and if they would have sufficient time, so he didn’t bother with a thorough explanation – just the big points. “Um… so, the idea is I will bleed on her shards, and my blood has this thing called plasma, which is super powerful healing stuff. It could take a little or a lot, I just know the more there is the faster it will go. Although, not too much cause I don’t want to die,” he was talking in rapid fire, trying to sort it out in his own mind as he tried to give her instructions. “Okay, so, they did my arm before and that used a lot of blood, so just, try that. Do it here, but don’t like, slice it. Just poke and pull it out. One second.” Steven popped the bubble, collecting Dani’s shards together as he brushed off most of the dirt. Then, he awkwardly propped himself sideways so he could hold his arm over the pile.

Then, Steven extended his right arm, healed from the Rose Quartz tears earlier so there were no longer unsightly bruises. He took a deep breath and tensed, looking away. “Okay, do it.”

Blue Pearl was anxious as she watched him ready himself, but she set her face firmly and did as she was told.

Biting his tongue, Steven felt blood rise in his mouth as cold metal pierced his skin. Then, the immediate stabbing pain was over, followed by a dull pulsing pain as his blood started to pool around Dani’s shards. Absently, Steven noted that this moment was really, really weird – even by the standards of his bizarre life.

There was a pause while Steven squeezed his eyes together, trying to ignore the pain and the dizziness as he started to lose blood, waiting for something to happen.

Delicately, Blue Pearl crouched next to him, away from the shards but close to his face. Very lightly, she placed a hand on his other arm, a silent show of her gratitude. The cool touch was nice, friendly, so Steven smiled weakly and panted as the blood started to stain his clothes.

Wanting a distraction from the sensation, he tried to strike up a conversation with the first thing that came to mind.

Voice hushed, he asked, “So, how old are you?”

Part of him expected her to laugh at the strange question, but she was not exactly a gem of humor. “I am 8,680 years old.”

 _That_ was a surprising answer. “W-wow. Huh.” He didn’t really know what else to say, but again was trying to divert his attention from the pain, hoping Dani might start to recover. Her shards had come together, which was reassuring, but there was no “growth” like White Diamond had mentioned.

“What’s that like?” Steven managed through clenched teeth.

Blue Pearl looked at him straight in the face. “I don’t understand.”

Steven looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “Does it, you know, do you like it? You’ve probably seen a lot of things and been to a lot of places. Is it nice?”

He couldn’t tell behind her bangs, but her brow was furrowed. Pearl could not see the utility of such a question, but she answered anyways.

“It was fine, until recently.”

The meaning behind her statement made him feel awkward, so he took a deep breath and glanced at his arm. It was bleeding pretty badly, but he wasn’t as sickeningly dizzy as he was when Yellow Diamond ripped the needle from his arm, so he looked down at Dani’s shards intensely.

 _Come on, this has to work… Please, come on. She will die, and White Diamond will be furious._ A bit selfishly, Steven couldn’t deny that he wanted to see Dani again, too. If she could take the Pearls and escape, he could rest a bit easier.

They were silent for a minute, both of them watching the shards, tense and fearful.

Pearl broke the silence at some point, after Steven released a particularly shuddery breath. “I- I am sorry for your pain, hybrid child. You are… you are doing me a kindness I do not deserve.” Her voice sounded tight, like she may be fighting back tears. Steven was just surprised.

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll get you out of here. Nobody deserves _this_ ,” he looked up at the bubbles, gesturing broadly to the world beyond. When he had been taken, his whole world had been flipped upside down, so he couldn’t blame her for being terrified.

After a pause, Steven added a lingering thought. “You don’t have to call me any of that half-gem, hybrid stuff, by the way. You can call me Steven. I mean, if you want to.”

Before Pearl could respond, they both gasped as a soft light began to glow at the end of Steven’s elbow – the Danburite shards had fully connected, neatly woven together as if there had been no damage at all, and a moment later, the gemstone lifted into the air and a tall, white gem appeared before them, looking down at her thin hands distractedly.

Her voice, already naturally quiet, made Steven’s face light up.

“I’m – I’m back? The… pain, we reformed? I’m back… I’m back!” She said, looking at her form – she looked entirely the same to him with one obvious exception – she seemed much more proportional without her bulky limb enhancers. Before she could even register what was happening, Steven pushed himself up weakly, holding his wound but beaming. Whispering excitedly, he called her attention to them. “ _Dani!_ ”

Looking up, Steven watched her face quickly grow from overjoyed to disturbed, studying the pool of blood that stained his clothes – the boy could not keep a single pair of clothes clean, could he? Then there was the shaking, confused form of her Diamond’s Pearl, perched at his side fearfully. Danburite was confused, but more than anything, concerned, and she quickly came over to him and took his arm.

“S-Steven, what’s happening? Why are we here?” Danburite whispered urgently, automatically ripping his shirt tail (much more neatly than he had the first time) and securing it like a bandage around his arm. Her hands felt clumsy and awkward without her limb enhancers, but she could manage for now.

All of his pain, his mistakes, and his worries evaporated for a moment, and he didn’t even mind the faintness making his vision swim. He was _so_ happy to see her, that it had worked, that he could apologize. “Dani, I’m so so sorry about what happened. I didn’t know you would be hurt, and then Yellow and Blue Diamond were there, and you didn’t deserve what happened, and then White Diamond came out of nowhere – I was so scared when the Gems showed up, but I got them to leave,” he winced, skipping over Connie in his rushed explanation. “And I healed you and now you’re _back_! I’m so glad you’re okay.” She gave him a small smile, not bothering to ask for clarifying details right now – he was still losing a lot of blood, and she needed to get him to proper medical attention immediately, but he was already talking before she could stop him. This time, his voice was sadder, eyes a little darker.

“Right, but, you’re back now. I need you and Pearl,” he looked at the blue gem to his side and smiled weakly. “To take Yellow Pearl and get out of here. You can lead Dani to her, right?” Blue Pearl nodded, but did not speak. Her mouth was turned down.

Now Danburite was rightfully confused, looking between them. “What? What are you talking about?”

Steven was growing a little paler, a little colder, but he did not falter in his determination. “You told me, before everything got crazy. Well, it was already crazy, but you know what I mean. Before we were stopped by White Pearl, in the hallway – you said you could get me out. You know a way off Homeworld, right? Take Pearl, and the other Pearl, and you can all go to Earth. You’ll be safe there, you can tell the Gems everything and they’ll protect you.”

His eyes were sparkling, even if his voice was weak. Danburite was starting to understand. “Wait, Steven, are you telling me to take them and _leave_ you?”

Steven lowered his eyes, looking away from both of them; Pearl had gone through this same thing with him in the dream, so he had sort of expected it.

“Yes, but… Dani, it has to be this way. I’m sorry…” She put a hand under her chin, using her other to put pressure on his arm. Once he was looking at her, she took off her visor, blue eyes reading his face.

“Do not close your eyes; focus on your breathing. You have… lost a lot of blood.”

He frowned. “It’s fine, I’ll be fine. White Diamond, she… she won’t let me die. Once you go I’ll be healed again. She’s… done it before.” He cringed, glad the marks on his legs were covered.

She did not look satisfied, examining his pupils as he blinked away sudden tears. “Steven, I’m not sure what’s happened, but I won’t leave you behind.” He was about to protest, but she looked at Blue Pearl to his side.

“Pearl, hold this. Put even pressure on it.” Delicate but firm, blue fingers pushed on his arm, and Dani put her visor back on, about to rip a new piece of cloth from his shirt.

Steven was getting a little upset with her now – he had done all of this so they could escape, and now they were both just sitting there, tending to him. He nudged away from Dani’s hands. “ _No_ , Dani. You don’t understand – White Diamond will shatter you, both of you. She won’t kill me, so you need to go while you can. It’s the only way the Gems were able to get away.”

She stopped, drawing both of her hands in front of her, pausing. Her face was unreadable, looking at him as he winced under the pressure on his arm.

“You did this,” she gestured at the blood, his arm. “You did this to bring me back, didn’t you?”

He nodded. Danburite sighed, a human habit she had picked up after centuries of learning their culture, and took her visor off again. She covered her eyes with one hand, her lips pressed into a line.

 _SMACK_.

Steven instinctively went to cover his cheek with his hand, which was a mistake, but the stinging red against his face was a slight distraction from the pain at the inside of his elbow.

Danburite had just smacked him, hard, and he blinked several times in shock. Before he could speak, she grabbed his shoulders and forced him to look at her.

“Steven, don’t you remember what I told you, back before you were brought here? Self-sacrifice is _not_ noble – You _will_ die if you keep this up.” She let her hands fall, starting to work on a make-shift bandage with extra padding this time, taking his arm from Pearl but without losing her even tone.

“You have done great things and shown great kindness to many – many who did not even deserve it. But do you not see what is happening? The truth is this does not end with just your friends, or the Pearls, or me. You can save us, and _maybe_ live to see the next day, but what about the next gem that comes into your life? They will become the next target, and the Diamonds will never stop trying to make you feel sorry for caring about us.” She looked up at him again, somehow her monotone making the words hurt even more than his arm.

“D-Dani, I…” but she cut him off.

“Steven, you are not like other humans, and you are not like other gems. You have the strength of our kind, yet all of the spirit of organic life. I can tell you, your human capacity for caring is your greatest strength, but you are letting it become your greatest weakness. You care so much – so much that it will literally kill you.”

Blinking a few times, Steven watched her dress his wound as best she could, trying to process her words. Could he have been so, _so_ wrong this whole time? That hurt more to admit than all of the times he had cracked, all of the times he had been made to fuse, all of the bruises and welts he had accrued. The Gems had the chance to save him, at least when Pearl and Lapis found him alone for sure, and he let them go.

No, that wasn’t even right – he _made_ them go. What was wrong with him?

“…What am I doing?” Steven finally said, his voice low, watching Dani instruct Pearl to hold something in place.

He was crying quietly now, looking away from them. “How could I… I’ve been so stupid. So, so stupid. And so many people have died, I – we, you both… I just wanted to protect them, to protect you. Why…”

To his surprise, it was Pearl who responded, but he couldn’t make out the words of her soft voice.

It was like listening through a long tunnel, and Steven’s eyes grew heavy as she spoke to him, her voice soothing and familiar. He couldn’t hear her, he was so tired, so he let his eyes rest, and his mind soon followed.

 

* * *

 

Pearl noticed Greg leaning into his van, trying to grab something from the back without fully getting into it. He hadn’t seen them coming, closing up the car wash while they approached.

He was so consumed with his search, they reached him before he even surfaced.

Garnet spoke first. “Greg.”

He jumped and his voice shot up several octaves. “Yikes!” Turning, he squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed them, like someone from a cartoon.

Greg studied their expressions, and he was quickly able to judge the kind of news they were bringing. “You’re back.”

Garnet moved to his side, reclining casually onto the bed of the van while Pearl looked away, eyes low as she folded her hands together.

“I see,” he said. Greg sat down next to Garnet, placing an arm against his knee and held his chin, looking out into the emptying town.

He had tried to prepare himself for this moment – he knew the longer the Gems were gone, the more likely it was that there were complications. This was not like when he was taken to the Zoo, their description of a quick in-and-out rescue with a few hiccups. Having known the Pearl and Garnet for almost 25 years, he had never seen them look so bad, not even when Rose had passed. Greg wanted to cry, but right now he was just letting the waves of emotion wash over him.

They sat there for a moment, letting Greg come to his understanding at his own pace, before Pearl couldn’t take it anymore. “I am… so, so sorry, Greg. Please, understand, we did everything we could…” Pearl turned away, looking up at the stars. Right now, she couldn’t look at his face, too at risk of crying herself.

Garnet placed a hand on his shoulder, comforting despite her usual solemnity. “Greg, we know you often ask not to be involved in our world. We are willing to tell you everything, or as little as you like, but we do not want to add to your burden.”

He nodded slowly, trying and failing to accept that Steven was really gone. Attempting to speak, Greg had to clear the arid discomfort that had settled in his throat. “J-just, what you think is important. I’ll ask questions if I have them.”

“Then we will start from the beginning.” Garnet responded, withdrawing her hand and placing it against her knee.

Pearl decided to start, still looking up into the universe. “S-Steven was taken, first to a ship belonging to Blue Diamond, then to the Zoo for a time, then to Homeworld.” She tried to make her voice as even as possible, wanting to give Greg his moment to grieve.

She paused, and continued – Garnet would jump in when she felt it appropriate. “He came to me in a dream, and told us not to come. He said it… wouldn’t be worth it.” Greg inhaled a large breath, but said nothing.

“Once we arrived on Homeworld, everyone got separated. A… lot happened between all of us, but we discovered Steven was… set to be executed.” Her voice cracked at the end, remembering how he hugged her and Lapis before pushing them down onto the warp pad.

Greg couldn’t help himself, putting his face in his hands. “He’s just a kid…”

Standing up, Garnet walked next to Pearl and joined her star-gazing, taking over the narrative. “Things began to fall apart. Yellow and Blue Diamond had staged a coup to oust White Diamond, but it backfired, and they are both gone now. White Diamond had orchestrated the whole thing from the moment Steven set foot on Homeworld, and had used us all as a distraction. Then, she was going to destroy us…” The fusions hands were shaking.

Pearl finished for her. “But Steven… gave himself up for us. He willingly agreed to… stay a prisoner. We were forced onto a ship that brought us back to Earth, and we tried to stop him, Greg, we really did – ”

“Stop.” Greg stood up from the van, walked over to the side of the car wash and faced the sea, dark waves crashing into the sand. Pearl and Garnet exchanged a worried look, but did not speak. Was he angry? Upset? They couldn’t tell, and he wasn’t looking at them.

He did not move, but he raised his voice so they could hear him. “He’s alive out there, then.”

Garnet frowned, and moved a little closer towards him. “Yes, Greg, but we can’t – ”

“You can’t go back and get him. I got it.” His voice was harder than he intended, but there was a lot he had to process.

Now it was Pearl’s turn to try to intervene, confused. “But, you realize – ”

“Please, stop, both of you.” He was breathing hard, trying to steady himself.

“I don’t want to yell at you, so please, just go.”

Pearl and Garnet shared a hurt glance and turned to walk away, back to the Temple.

He stood there for another fifteen minutes, just watching the sea come and go, angry and disappointed and completely unsurprised.

It _did_ come as a surprise that Steven was alive, but, once they had told him that, Greg knew his son well enough to know what happened. He was _just_ like Rose, wasn’t he? And now he’s lost them both. Magical, inspiring, wholesome, well-intended, and managing way too much for any one person. Rose had a hard time dealing with her guilt after the war, and _she_ was thousands of years old. Steven was so young, he loved music and the ocean and donuts – he didn’t need to nor deserved to be caught up in all of this.

As a father, Greg couldn’t help but reflect inward as he went back to the van, closing the doors behind him. Questions flooded his mind, a million scenarios where he could have done something different – maybe he never should have let him move in with them, or he should have refused to let him go back to Beach City when that big green hand showed up in the sky, or stopped him when he wanted to go to Korea and the Gems refused to take him.

Or maybe it was bound to be like this, no matter what he did. The truth was right in front of him from the moment Steven was born, implanted in his navel; his life was going to be tied irrevocably into everything Rose had been a part of, the good and the bad.

But it hurt. It hurt so, so much that Greg Universe hadn’t even realized he started to cry until his collar was soaked wet from his tears. How do you live with yourself, knowing your son is alive out there, being treated like a war criminal at the mercy of murderous aliens?  

There were so many things he still wanted to say to his little guy. His only son. The best part of his entire life had been raising him. Steven was kind, and forgiving, and clever and brave. He had done more in his fourteen years, brought more love and kindness to this Earth, than even Rose had in her thousands of years. There was something indescribable about his laugh, the way his eyes became stars when he would listen to one of Greg’s stories. The hardest part of it all was, someone else hadn’t just _taken_ him, but they were constantly in a state of taking him _away_. His son was alive, and he would grow up living an empty life – what had Pearl said, as a prisoner? And Greg would never see him again.

But then, maybe it made sense, in a way – that Steven would grow up beyond the stars. He was a star himself, too far away to grasp, but near enough to admire, an energy too bright to be contained by this Earth. He was brilliant and remarkable, and he shined no matter how dark the sky. 


	39. Runaways and Renegades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven is useless, Pearl is thoughtful, Connie is nervous, and Homeworld just continues to get worse.

Danburite had not been paying attention to Steven’s face, and when she noticed his eyes were shut, she started to shake him.

“S-Steven? Are you still with me?” Frantic, she checked for a pulse; his skin was almost as white as her own.

There was a slight cadence of life below his skin, but it was weak. She needed to get him out of here, but where? She hadn’t any idea how to move him, and she was entirely lacking any of her equipment she would typically have access to when working with organic life. A Rose Quartz vile could do the trick, but she had no idea where she might find one.

Pearl was looking at the child, eyes low and quiet.

Lifting Steven was more difficult this time, still unaccustomed to using her own hands and arms, but Danburite angled him so she could keep the pressure on his arm.

“He will die soon,” she said, eyes scanning the massive chamber for anything that might be useful.

“I am going. He meant to save you – if you still wish to leave, you must come now.”

Blue Pearl rose with them, placing a gentle hand against the yellow and white veins that crept up Steven’s discolored arm. “B-but… Yellow…”

Danburite wasn’t a leader and was certainly not of a class to own a Pearl, so she wasn’t sure what to tell her.

“I… am sorry. He will not survive if we waste any more time.”  She chose to omit the fact that, even if they leave this instant, he might still not survive.

Looking at Steven’s pale face and then down at her arms, blue and soft and no longer marred by yellow rivers of affliction, Pearl was entirely torn. She owed the boy for her even making it this far, he had healed her, and been unreasonably kind – but she couldn’t just leave Yellow.

To make matters more confusing, this Danburite was giving her a choice. A Pearl, she wanted to be told, to be led, to feel safe; with agency came responsibility and mistakes, and she felt like she had already made so many.

The Danburite was moving away, so she was quickly running out of time to make a decision – follow, or go back? The white gem had just made an example of the child for his own naiveté, that he was not being noble or wise by picking danger over life, but things were not that simple.

Things were _never_ simple when it came to rebels, reminding her of another, even more painful encounter she had had with a white rebel, though those circumstances had been very different.

“ _No! This is your chance – our chance – I told you! I_ - _I won’t leave you behind!” White had yelled, shaking as she took a protective stance in front of her. The waves of gems would not stop and White would not let up, ruthless with a sword in her hands. Thinking they had both gone rogue, the soldiers came in waves, but they were wrong. Blue would not go, had not turned traitor._

_She had been on the ground, collapsed onto her knees. There were tears, too, shed by both sides._

_She wouldn’t go. She couldn’t. This was her whole life._

_“J-just, go! I… don’t want to come with you!”_

_She watched White tense at her hurtful words, but she did not lower her blade, poofing two Ametrine’s easily. Blue had had enough._

_“D-don’t you see what you’ve done? You’ve… thrown away your life! Stop trying to ruin mine. We are just Pearls, and you’re a… a fool if you think otherwise! So just, go!”_

_White had turned after she said that, her blue eyes hard and lined with tears._

_“I-I’m sorry. Maybe someday, you can forgive me…”_

_White stabbed her through the stomach, no trace of anger or spite in her face, a mirror of Blue’s own. Then she poofed, and when she reformed, White was gone._

Balling her hands into blue fists, Pearl went after her.

“ _No_!” Pearl said, voice surprisingly fierce.

Dani was nearly out the door, having peeked her head around and was greatly relieved to find they were alone. This was her first time in White Diamond’s district… ever. The rumors about the ghostly stillness of the facilities, empty yet consuming, seemed to ring true.

Needless to say, Dani was startled by the blue gem’s sudden audacity – to be fair, Pearl seemed even more surprised by her own sudden fortitude than Dani, but the wispy gem did not falter.

Pearl folded her hands and looked down, her voice sincere and hurting. “ _Please._ I can act as an escort past most gems we may encounter, but I only know of one warp pad and it is very far away. The child, he… he was confident you could get us off-planet. We will pass Yellow’s cell to get there, and…”

For a moment, she was gripped by the memory again – it was so long ago, but still White’s voice was clear as day as it echoed through her mind.

“I… I won’t leave her behind.”

 

* * *

 

Blinking several times, Pearl realized Connie was speaking to her, so she rubbed her eyes and responded. “I-I am sorry, Connie. Could you say that one more time?”

The girl was sitting on the bottom step of the beach house – likely, she could not bear to be inside for very long. Pearl couldn’t fault her for that. Curiously, Connie was still pink, and the fading had slowed, or perhaps even stopped completely. When she first awoke in Lapis’ grip on the Roaming Eye, the girl’s skin had been an intensely “hot” pink color – it was more red than anything, but now, she had turned into the color of, well, Rose.

_Their gemstone, at least._

Connie’s hair was an even softer shade of pink, complementing the rest of her unnatural skin tone. Right now, she seemed to be fine, but Pearl was desperately worried about what this meant for Connie’s physiology. The girl was only twelve, nearly thirteen – was this only temporary, like the Centipeetle’s recovery? Partial, yet fleeting? Or was this like Steven’s Lion, magical and bizarre but seemingly permanent?

Those fretting instincts hurt her, Pearl realized – these were the same sort of nagging worries that she had as Steven started to grow and come into his powers… but he was gone. Gone, like Rose, like Snowflake or Crazy Lace, like her old life, like most everyone she’s met. They all go away eventually, don’t they?

“… so basically, that’s all of it. What do you think?”

_Gah – I’m as bad as Amethyst right now._

“Um… yes, I think that _is_ … all of it.” Pearl felt guilty and did not want to make Connie repeat herself a third time, but she was very distracted with her own troubles right now.

Connie breathed a huge sigh of relief and stood up slowly, stretching her arms. “Well, we better get going then. The moment I turn on my cell phone, I’m sure my Mom will know.”

_Oh – the Maheswarans._

Biting her lip, Pearl should have figured as much. Time has been against her for millennia, and no matter how exhausted she was, it did not stop. Connie’s parents deserved to know what happened just as much as Greg, so she followed Connie out onto the sand and into the streets of Beach City for the second time that night, starting the trek to the human home on foot.

Connie was hugging herself; it was a cold night for the small town, the cloudless sky failing to blanket the Earth in its atmospheric warmth. Pearl seemed very distracted, but she was grateful to have her company – being alone hurt too much, and Amethyst hadn’t been very cheerful company at the Temple while Pearl and Garnet had told Mr. Universe what happened. Judging by the dragging way Pearl walked, modeling none of her usual dignity and grace, Connie could only guess how the conversation went.

Their search for Lion had been fruitless, and after only about ten minutes of searching, Amethyst went into her Temple room to “find something,” but she never came back out. Connie assumed that she just needed some time to think, which was reasonable – everyone needed to process what had happened, and everyone would need to heal differently.

The girl came to a stop outside of a convenience store a bit down the street from It’s A Wash, both of them noticing that the trademark van usually parked outside was gone. Greg had left, at least for now.

She turned to her teacher before going inside. “I’ll just be a second.”

Pearl used the moment of privacy to face the stars again; for some reason, it was comforting. The universe was constantly in flux, but somehow, it always seemed the same to her. From Homeworld, or Pink Diamond’s base, or Earth – there was always infinite darkness and space beyond, predictably present if she just looked up. Perhaps it was the way the stars twinkled, shining like gems she had known and loved and lost, pinks and blues and whites, and a million other swirling colors that made her head spin with memories.

 _Steven. Rose. Rainbow Quartz. Bismuth. Biggs. Blue, Yellow, Pink…_ She sighed, letting her eyes squeeze together to fight off tears. Connie’s parents would be relieved but confused, and she needed to be a strong presence for their sake, even if she truly did not have all the answers.

Connie came back outside and Pearl turned to look at her, eyes low but she gave the girl a small smile. She had not lost everyone – not yet.

Returning a weak grin, Connie set off and Pearl trailed behind her. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

“Let’s _go_!” Pearl whispered to Danburite, who was having difficulty keeping up with the blue gem’s shape-shifted strides. The white gem was not much shorter than “Holly Blue,” but she was still struggling to keep pace. To be fair, she did not have her limb enhancers, and she was trying to carry an unconscious, dying child carefully through a prison in which _she_ was supposed to be dead and _he_ was supposed to be in maximum security confinement.

They had been lucky to only pass by one pair of Quartz soldiers, and they looked away when they saw Holly Blue Agate striding down the hallway, looking self-important. Danburite was impressed with Pearl’s ability to mimic the Agate, who she knew very well.

_As long as she doesn’t have to speak, this may actually work._

Dani watched the pointed ends of the fake-Agate’s hair as they marched, trying to look official and subservient, which was not exactly difficult; she worked with the _real_ Holly Blue for centuries, though they mostly stayed out of each other’s way unless something was wrong with the humans within the Zoo. Typically, she would blame the Amethysts who were displaced after the loss of Pink Diamond if something was amiss, but more often than not Dani would find most complications were rooted in human biological inefficiencies. She quickly learned to keep that to herself.

They were entering another “safe zone,” as they agreed upon earlier – areas in which they would run instead of walk, and Pearl would return to normal for sake of endurance. If they entered a straight hallway with no other gems, they were able to run two or three times as fast than moving deliberately and authoritatively. At this point, they had gone down two already, and this strategy improved their pace enormously.

Whenever the pair returned to walking covertly, Dani would do her best to shift Steven so she could check his pulse. It was alarmingly low, but steady; he had stopped bleeding beneath the “gauze” she had prepared from his shirt. How long he could last like this was unclear to her, his gem physiology likely the only thing having kept him alive for so long.

Pearl stopped as they were about to round a corner, placing a hand against a wall – this was much more strenuous than her usual duties, and while Dani tried to be understanding, Steven’s life force was chiefly hanging on by sheer luck at this point. But she said nothing, knowing she could not fully appreciate Pearl’s struggle; she did not have any real powers.

Quietly, Pearl turned to face Danburite, face unreadable behind her long bangs.

“Half-way down this hall – Yellow. Then, two lefts and a door.”

Dani nodded once, and Pearl closed her eyes before shapeshifting once again. Turning the corner, they continued their serious march, Pearl trying to remember what little she knew of this place. Another memory came to the surface as they walked in silence.

“ _I think we can all agree, at least when it comes to design, my Diamond is superior.” Yellow was beaming proudly as the four of them stood outside the Council Chambers – one of the few times they could all be alone together was here._

_Pink stood up straight and shot a wink in Blue’s direction. “Why don’t you tell us **all** about it Yellow? It’s not any of us have **ever** been there before. Please, do go on.”_

_Pink always knew how to get under Yellow’s skin, but the latter gem was happy to call her bluff. “Oh, I can talk all day if that’s what you want.”_

_“For the love of Homeworld, please, don’t.” White placed her thumb and forefinger against the bridge of her nose, tired of their constant back-and-forth._

_Pink chortled, but said nothing. Blue cracked a tiny smile._

_Eventually, Yellow Diamond could be heard shouting on the other side of the door, so they all looked down awkwardly. None of them liked when their Diamonds fought, but they knew it was sometimes the best way for them to express their differences._

_White decided to try to alleviate the tension. “You know, one of these days, I bet I could sneak you all around my Diamond’s military district. Then you would know the real meaning behind ‘superior’.” Her voice was joking, but she choked up a little – Blue knew how terrifying White Diamond could be, so she appreciated White trying to act brave._

_Pink smiled, genuinely captivated this time. “Wait, could you really? Our Diamonds – well, at least my Diamond – she always goes right to the throne whenever we see your Diamond. I think it would be fascinating. Please, there’s still so much I want to see before we go back.”_

_Blue spoke up then, lightly so as not to offend. “I… don’t know if that is a good idea.”_

_“I must agree,” Yellow said, but made her voice teasing. “Of course, Blue is the only one of you pebbles to think of the consequences. Why do you always have to act like_ such _the rebel, White?”_

_The so-called-out Pearl just rolled her eyes, but promised Pink she would show her someday._

A shiver ran up Pearl’s spine as they neared the halfway mark, wishing White could have kept that promise.

Pearl slowed her stride to a walk, and Danburite caught up as they stopped before a stretch of blank wall. The door was entirely inconspicuous against the white metal – if Pearl hadn’t come through this part of the hallway originally, she would have never even realized it led into a room.

Gently, she pressed her hand against the surface until a panel popped open and she led them inside.

The room felt more like a catacomb than a prison, and the bright white of the walls, floors, and ceiling only made things more sterile and unnerving. Extending outwards, the room was really more of a narrow passageway, but with no exit. It was longer than any of the halls they had gone through to get here. Each wall was lined in perfect symmetry with what Danburite could only guess were holding cells, although each destabilizing shield was fully opaque so there was no way for her to know who, or what, might be on the other side.

Dani moved close to Pearl, whispering over her shoulder. “Okay, quickly, we need to get him out of here.” The lithe gem twitched, but said nothing, advancing down the hallway in her original form. So long as they did not move Yellow, she _should_ be…

Coming to a sudden halt, Blue leaned forward near a specific shield and whispered. “Yellow?”

Dani had followed, unsure of what else to do, and they both listened. “B-Blue, is that you?” Though Dani has never met Yellow Diamond’s Pearl personally, she always imagined her as a powerful and intense, smaller version of her Diamond, but the voice on the other side of this barrier was anything but.

“I-I’m here Yellow, I brought the… he, his name is Steven. But… just, don’t worry. We will get you out.” She was almost crying in her relief, and Dani felt a little uncomfortable, obviously not meant to be a part of this heartfelt moment. She busied herself by checking on Steven’s heartrate again – about thirty BPM, she would guess.

But as Pearl opened her mouth to say something else, the other Pearl’s weak voice croaked from the other side.

“No, Blue. G-go. Find White. She will pro-protect y-y-y-you.” Her voice was going in and out like static – she must be cracked, and by the sounds of it, badly.

“N-no, Yellow, I told you, I would not leave you behind!”

Pearl backed away, and Dani watched as a beam of light appeared from her gemstone and filtered through the destabilizing energy, revealing the Pearl on the other side. This sort of technique wouldn’t get them through the shield, but they could see through the layers of distorting light. Instinctively, they both flinched at the sight of her, her form morphing grotesquely; this was not from cracking, this was…

Dani turned away as Blue Pearl covered her mouth, whispering a single, horrible word.

“ _Corruption_.”

There was a tense, extended silence, but they could not wait forever. “Pearl…”

They both had grown still, watching Yellow Pearl twitched at the end of their vision. Not only was her body starting to change, incongruous points and scales spreading across her form, her eyes had turned completely white, and her whole torso was lined with disturbing white and yellow branching marks, just like the ones Steven carried.

She needed to get the blue gem to move if she still wanted to escape, otherwise, Dani would have to leave her behind.

“There is nothing you can do for her now. Let’s…” but she stopped short as Pearl slammed her fist against the wall next to the yellow veil that divided them.

“I… _Yellow_ …” her voice was soft as ever, but it was filled with so much pain it actually hurt Dani to listen.

The white gem looked nervously between her, the cell, and the exit. Steven would not want her to abandon them, but then, Steven wanted a lot of things that were not in his best interest.

Danburite turned and started hurrying away – she had already wasted too much time.

_She said two lefts and a door. That is where I need to be._

Just as the white gem reached the exit, however, she stopped when she heard an unexpected sound. There was a two quick beeps in succession, then, a soft billowing sound that Dani recognized…

Before she could even fully turn, Blue Pearl was beside her again, clutching a yellow gemstone in one hand and a delicate blue rapier in the other. For the first time, Dani could see her full face, her brow was furrowed as if she was just posed with a difficult question, but she wasn’t looking at her – she was staring at Steven’s pale, peaceful face.

“He is fourteen.” Her voice was even, deliberate. It wasn’t a question, but Dani felt the need to respond.

“Yes.”

The white gem peaked her head out the door, not bothering to wait for Pearl to disguise herself.  
Looking between Steven and the gemstone in her palm, Pearl was shaken with conflict.

Yellow didn’t deserve this, her Diamond didn’t deserve this, even the child did not deserve this – but did _she_ deserve it?

 _“Nobody deserves this_.”

He had said that, and now he was nearly dead, just to help her escape. And he was only fourteen?

_“Blue is the only one of you pebbles to think of the consequences,”_

How many mistakes would she have to make before she made one too many?

_“There’s still so much I want to see.”_

It wasn’t fair, she had been so young, so kind…

_“This is your chance – our chance!”_

Why did _she_ keep getting second chances? Why not Yellow, or Pink?

_“You don’t ever think about it? What it would be like to be on your own?”_

….

It only took a moment, but Pearl narrowed her eyes and gripped Yellow’s gemstone a little tighter.

Snapping her head up, Pearl dematerialized her sword and marched after Danburite into the hallway, into the path of the unknown, paved by thousands of years of mindless fear and obedience.

 

* * *

 

Pearl was genuinely confused now, following Connie back towards the beach – she should just bite back her pride and ask what was happening, but now she felt like was in too deep.

They obviously were not going back to the Maheswaran’s as Pearl had thought, but they were heading down to the marina, along the dock where the local humans would anchor their boats. Steven had mentioned once that Connie had an interest in boats, but that still didn’t explain what they were doing here.

The human girl looked, well, a lot less than human in the blue glow of the moon, her pink skin turning an odd but flattering shade of purple under the light. She sat down at the end of the dock and pulled out her cell phone, gesturing for Pearl to sit with her. Playing along, Pearl said nothing and accepted the seat.

Connie looked thoughtfully into the blank screen of her mobile device, and after a pause, she shut the face of the phone.

“Ma’am… can I ask you something?” Her voice sounded a little sad, but mostly anxious.

Nodding, Pearl tried to make her voice gentle. “Of course, Connie. What is it?”

The girl bit her lip, looking from her closed phone to her teacher, and finally looked down at their reflections in the water. “What made you leave Homeworld?”

She could have imagined a thousand questions, and that would still have been one of the last things she expected. Pearl had to shake her head to eclipse the sound of blades and shouts and the clink of shards that surfaced in her mind.

“That… is a long story.”

“Oh,” Connie said, turning away. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to…”

Pearl stopped her. “No, it’s okay. I just…” she chuckled weakly. Nothing was funny, but it made the thought hurt a little less.

_I just imagined I would have told Steven before I told you._

“But first, why do you want to know?”

The girl twisted her pink fingers together nervously. “I… just… I figured you out of anyone would understand, but… I guess I feel bad.”

“Bad?”

She was still looking away, acting like a child who had been caught doing something wrong. It made the white gem’s heart ache.

Connie started to talk, her emotions spilling out as her speech became rapid-fire. “I… don’t want you or the others to think I’m just running away from home, this isn’t like that. This is different – I’ll go back, like I said. I _will_. I just… want to take a few days to process before I have to face my parents. Is that… selfish? I just… I want to make sure I’m not being stupid, I’m trying to be responsible. But it just feels so cliché… running away from home.”

Pearl was glad her student faced away, because her eyes had gone wide in surprise and realization and then quickly darkened in shame. She had been leading her to believe that running away from her problems was a reasonable thing to do.

A little sharper than she intended, Pearl spoke. “Connie…”

The girl flinched, her insecurity obvious. It was nice, in a way, that Connie trusted her enough to confide in her, but she was just too young to do something like this.

“I should…” _Take you home, apologize to your parents for letting things get out of control, reprimand you for even thinking something so foolish._

“I should tell you why I left Homeworld. Or, rather…”

A light appeared from her forehead over the water, suspended like a holographic movie before them. Connie watched in awe as a scene came to life before her.

Pearl was standing next to Yellow and Blue Pearl, their heads bowed obediently. Their respective Diamonds were standing in front of them, speaking, not paying any mind to the trio.

White Diamond’s mouth moved, but Pearl sitting next to Connie was the one to speak.

_“She will be… Pink. We will need a Pearl to suit her.”_

Then, the sight changed, and she was standing next to the same Pearls as before, but there was a fourth – it could only be Pink Diamond’s Pearl.

 _“I can’t wait until you all can see the colony. It’s so, so beautiful.”_ The new one was speaking, her face animated – the others stood, a mixture of bemused and judgmental, and said nothing.

Again, somewhere new. Now Pearl was standing somewhere high up, and Connie gasped when Steven’s mother walked up beside her.

“ _So, I heard you like swords?”_

Holo-Pearl turned to her, somewhat surprised but mostly amazed, obviously struck by Rose’s beauty, presence, candor.

“ _I-I… I do, yes. I do like swords.”_

Connie glanced at her teacher, but she was watching the demonstration reflected through the water. Her eyes were focused, her expression hard to read.

Then, she was back outside that large door, Yellow Pearl speaking furiously while Blue Pearl held her head low.

_“Why do you bother with the Earth colony so much? It is unbecoming.”_

The projection of Pearl rolled her eyes, but went on the defensive.

_“Oh, you’re taking this too seriously. I was only saying, it’s something to think about. You can’t say you don’t ever think about it? What it would be like to be on your own?”_

Yellow and Blue Pearl exchanged a heavy glance, but were silent.

The next scene was one Connie was familiar with from Stevonnie’s memories, making her cringe.

Rose was the first to speak.

“ _Pearl…”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I’m going to stay and fight for this planet. You don’t have to do this with me.”_

Pearl look offended.

“ _But I want to!”_

_“I know you do. Please, please understand if we lose, we’ll be killed. And if we win, we can never go home.”_

Pearl’s eyes softened, looking up at Rose. A knight and her liege.

“ _But why would I ever want to go home, if you’re here?_ ”

Connie expected that to be the end of it, but the blue light flickered lightly and refocused again on Pearl, looking frantic and grabbing her hair, yelling at Yellow Pearl and Blue Pearl.

“ _I-I didn’t want her to die. I didn’t mean for this to happen – but – this is just the beginning! I’m sorry, but, you have to come with me. I promise, things are better on Earth. We can protect you – Rose, me, you’ll see. Come back with me. Please?”_

Yellow Pearl opened her mouth to speak, but Blue Pearl lifted her hand, eyes downcast.

“ _I think you should go.”_

_“B-but, it doesn’t have to be like this. I won’t leave you behind. I know what life is like here, let me show you what Earth can offer. This is your chance, our chance, to be free.”_

The lights sputtered and went out, and just like that, the blue and white display was over. Pearl was still looking into the water, but Connie guessed she was still gripped by the past as the sea moved gently beneath their toes.

They sat in silence for a while. Connie felt a little awkward, but the look on her teacher’s face told her maybe Pearl needed to talk about this more than even she did. The human girl wanted to understand her teacher better, and maybe justify her own reasons for needing time away from her home, so the silence was heavy with their shared sentimentality.

Eventually, Pearl was the one to speak, her voice deliberate and thoughtful. “There’s… nothing wrong with wanting to take things at your own pace. The people we care for will look to us for provision, or for us to take their side, because that is what knights do. We defend, we exert, and we support; but sometimes, there are people who will not want our help, no matter how much we try to show them it is for the best. You cannot make peace with someone who does not _want_ to see the world the same way you do. Friends, enemies… we are all blindsided by love – the love of what we think is important.”

Connie was studying her colored hands, still wrapped by Pearl from several mornings ago, examining the way her pink skin contrasted against the white, but dirtied, bandages.

“Then, what do you do? I mean, when those people don’t want to listen.” She asked, shifting her gaze to their reflection in the water.

Pearl brought one of her knees up to her side, thinking. “Well… we have a choice. If we can’t change their minds, we can continue to disagree. Respectful dissonance, you might say.” She smiled wryly, turning to face the girl.

“Or, if you’re like me, you can try to change the tides so they might want to understand. _That_ is why I left Homeworld. One approach is peaceful – democratic, even – but slow-moving. The other is forceful, dangerous. That is…” Pearl trailed off, looking up at the sky once again.

Connie could start to feel the reality behind Pearl’s words start to sink in; they were no longer just speaking about her keeping this truth from her parents.

“War?” Connie asked.

They sat there, teacher and student, a silence falling between two beings that should never have crossed paths. One was a just Pearl, the other was just a girl, and their lives were irrevocably changed by a Rose Quartz that disturbed the natural order of things.

If they let things continue on, of course there would be change eventually, a natural by-product of the never ending march of time… but to raise a blade for a cause? That would be to risk everything, but the changes would start to come, as immediate as they were severe.

Pearl stood up, her voice low but fierce.

“Yes, Connie. War.”


	40. Same Old Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeworld Gems take two lefts and encounter a door, Peridot and Garnet discuss cows, Amethyst is noticeably absent, Connie has two conversations with human beings, and Steven embarks on a business trip.

The final crawl to the warp pad felt like the longest walk of Danburite’s life. She had to believe there was more than one warp pad in this facility, but it would have been heedless to try to search for one – even if it could have been closer – because the probability of failure was higher than if they pursued a sure-thing, but that didn’t make the whole experience any less frustrating.

Pearl had adopted her strut as Holly Blue Agate, hiding the yellow gemstone of her friend in her palm – she did not want to bubble her at risk of being obvious, but it was also a huge risk that she might reform prematurely.

_Left._

Turning, Dani used this as a good marker to check Steven’s pulse once again – less than thirty now.

Absently, the white gem let her mind turn over what might happen if they are actually successful. Hope is irrational, so she invested very little stake in such possibilities, but having a plan was different.

Would she just… live on Earth? Would she be welcomed there? Did she _want_ to be welcomed there?

She had been to the colony a handful of times for research purposes, but what would she do there? This had really become more of a mess than she ever could have intended, but if there was one thing Danburite knew, it was her orders. She had been given one assignment, one responsibility: to maintain and protect any humans under Homeworld’s control. At the time, that had been restricted to Pink Diamond’s base, but now… While it felt like she _might_ be exceeding expectations, Dani felt she a commitment to this child as much as she did to Jay-Ten, You-Twelve, or Wy-Six, if not more, considering that he had brought her back to life.

Those musings were secondary, however, the “brought her back to life” part of things taking precedence. This was a matter that was far more troubling, for many physiological, gemological, and even ethical reasons. _How_ did he bring her back – with his blood, sure, she had gathered that much; but what was the connection? For her Diamond and Yellow Diamond, and now _White_ Diamond, to take such a vested interest in him, he must be much more than a half-human/half-gem anomaly.

Involuntarily, her lips turned up into a bemused expression as she looked into the boy’s face – this hybrid was so important that literal supreme rulers were feuding over him, and he nearly killed himself to bring _her_ back? All as an extension of helping this Pearl? He really was an anomaly.

Was it this necromantic ability that they so coveted? It would explain why her Diamond had summoned her to Homeworld, to keep him alive, but if they had reached the end of that yellow hallway, hadn’t been stopped by another Pearl… Something just did not make sense.

If he survived, Danburite wondered if he might let her examine him to find out more, answer some of these mysteries.

_Left again._

They had arrived – the door.

Pearl’s shoulders relaxed, overcome with relief that they actually made it without being interrupted. Heart breaking, she ran her thumb over the surface of the smooth yellow gemstone in her hand, glad she could at least do this for yellow – take her off-planet, let her be free from this place and what they had done to her.

Checking behind her shoulder, Pearl released a tiny breath and shapeshifted back to normal and approached the panel in the wall.

“You know… where to go?” she whispered as the massive, Diamond-shaped entrance revealed an oversized warp pad to match. Danburite gave her a firm nod – she did, and they had made it this far, so there was no going back.

They entered the room, and the white wall sealed behind them ominously. Now, they could both fully relax – they were totally alone, in a private space, and Steven had not yet died.

_Just a little longer, Steven._

Stepping onto the stone, a refreshing change for both of them from White Diamond’s metal hell, Danburite let herself sigh lightly. “Okay - we will go to Yellow Diamond’s R&D. I arrived on an – _w-wait.”_

The white gem looked from her left to the right, eyes studying the ground, and Pearl peaked up at her from behind her pretty hair.

“W-what is it? Is it the boy?” She sounded very anxious.

Danburite was looking at her shoes, though, inspecting the bottom of her feet as she shifted Steven awkwardly. “No… never mind. I just thought…”

Shaking her head quickly, she set her mouth into a firm line and protectively held Steven a little tighter. “Let’s go.”

There was a sudden rush of color and a buoyancy that overcame them both, a sensation unique to warping through nebulous space, and then they touched down on solid ground. Yellow Diamond’s R&D district – they had truly made it.

Advancing down hallways briskly, passing the occasional confused but preoccupied gem, they managed to make most of the journey uninterrupted. Once, an important looking Binnite stopped them, surprised to see a Danburite in ownership of a Pearl. She had a Pearl of her own, a mystic looking green color, head pointed down to the floor. To their fortune, Dani’s usual coloration was white, and she only had to synch her flowing robes closed over Steven to hide him and the diamond emblazoned on her chest.

With a brief show of shame to have lost her limb enhancers, the Binnite adopted an expression of pity and left them.

Something had felt… _off_ earlier, but the white gem couldn’t put her finger on it. Occasionally, she would glance over her shoulder, a paranoia setting in. There was something different about the R &D district from the last time she had been here (and, Danburite still didn’t know _exactly_ what had happened to Blue or Yellow Diamond, given that Steven’s earlier explanation had been lacking). Everything was alive in a bustle of efficiency, which she could only assume was normal, but still… It was a nebulous sort of doubt, more likely tied to Steven’s failing heartbeat than anything.

Pearl was no better; could it really have been that easy? Certainly, she was devastated by what happened to Yellow, so that didn’t necessarily make things feel “easy,” per say, but to have so easily gone in and out of White Diamond’s Military District? To her, a Pearl, it felt terribly pleasant – defiant, wrong –  but she was also captivated by her own success.

That did not alleviate her qualms, though. A fleeting rush was one thing; a lifetime of fear was another. The whole experience felt surreal, it didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel possible. Any moment she expected to be grabbed by a soldier, the Heliodor, another Pearl, Holly Blue Agate, the Binnite, or even White Diamond herself. Usually watchful and quiet, Pearl couldn’t shake the apprehension that crept from Yellow’s gemstone all the way up to her chest, gripping her heart. It just felt like there was someone was right behind them.

As it turned out, there was no one right behind them, and they made their way to Danburite’s arrival vessel with relative ease.

There was, however, always someone who was two moves ahead.

 

* * *

 

Garnet turned her head a little to the side, one hand holding her chin.

“Yes, no, a little bit left. Your left, not mine – sorry. Good. Right there.” She was standing outside the barn, helping Peridot practice her metal powers – the green gem was feeling more confident with her abilities since forming Prehnite, although the kinesis was very different. As Prehnite, they could bend any alloy to their will as easily as Lapis could manipulate water; Peridot could only lift, twist, and turn metal, but she was still determined to improve.

“Yes!” The green gem shot her hands up, which was a mistake. They had been mounting a sign outside of the barn at the front door, and when she threw her arms up, the shred signage went straight through the second floor balcony.

“Ahh…” Garnet put on her most serious expression. “I can’t lie; I saw this happening. I sort of just wanted to see it.”

Peridot was having none of that – utterly defeated, she bent downwards, slouching at the middle and hanging her arms and head low. “Easy for you… Lapis will kill me when she gets back…”

The fusion walked up to the little green gem and crouched down next to her.

“I’m sorry Peridot, I should have warned you.” She slapped her firmly on the back, a show of support, that sent the green gem sprawling into the dirt.

The now disheveled, tiny ball of fury that was once a dignified engineer said something indiscernible with her face against the ground, although Garnet thought it sounded like it may have had something to do with pebbles, dirt, and clods.

Smirking, she walked outside, looking around the hills and the sky. It hadn’t even been a full day since they’ve returned, and yet, there was something about Earth that made time feel like it passed slowly. The rise and fall of the sun in the sky, as predictable as it was beautiful, made her feel both at home and entirely lost – it was a peculiar feeling, sort of like fusing with someone after a long time. You knew the way it was supposed to be, but it’s more complicated than that; there were new memories, feelings, and parts of their personality that had developed. They had changed, you had changed, yet you were still one being.

Like it had felt to be Sugilite again, actually. Amethyst and Garnet had not fused since all that happened with the Communication Hub many months ago, so Sugilite was different. Powerful and reckless, sure, but Amethyst seemed… better? That didn’t feel like the right word to Garnet, but she couldn’t come up with anything more exacting at the moment.

The purple gem had not come out of the Temple since they had come back, which was worrying after hearing what had happened to the “Famethyst.” When they had fused, Amethyst had seemed so confident and forward-thinking – she’s grown so much with all that’s happened, and she was even the one to stop Pearl and her from squabbling on the Roaming Eye. But… what would this do to her? It was a question each of them wondered about each other, heavy with guilt since their feet touched ground with Earth.

Lapis wondered how Peridot would be affected; Pearl wondered how Greg would react; Connie worried after her parents, Pearl after Connie, Peridot after Pearl, Garnet after Lapis, and it just continued like that in circles. No one knew how to talk about it, which is exactly why she asked them all to join her this afternoon outside the barn.

It was the… best foreseeable opportunity for them to communally heal, setting some standards for what to expect in the months to come. She could already tell Pearl was gearing up for fighting, but Lapis wanted to stay as far from Homeworld as possible. Peridot was… complicated, whereas Connie was resigned to do whatever she felt was best for the team. And finally, Amethyst… what would Amethyst want? She couldn’t even see through the possibilities; there were simply too many.

Clearing her throat, Peridot had come to stand next to Garnet outside, trying to fix her gaze on whatever she was looking at. “Anything… interesting, out there?”

“The future? Or the countryside?” The fusion turned her attention to Peridot, who was kicking a rock at her feet.

“Hmm… Let’s go, countryside first.”

“Well… there are some cows off to the East, and they’re always causing trouble.” Garnet said evenly, her voice betraying no hint of sarcasm.

Nodding her head seriously, Peridot pressed for more. “Good to know, good to know… And the future?”

The fusion moved to sit against some hay, leaning back against the outer wall of the barn.

“Well, for starters, Lapis will be back soon.”

The green gem made a sound between a groan and a yelp, having temporarily forgotten about her predicament.

“You’ve gotta hide me…” she cowered next to the pile of hay.

Garnet smirked – there was something about being in the green gem’s company that always seemed to put her in a good mood.

“Oh Peridot, I don’t need future vision to tell you that you won’t be able to hide _that_ from Lapis.” She nodded her head at the gaping hole through Lapis favorite place to watch Camp Pining Hearts and to cuddle with Pumpkin, eliciting a full-scale groan from the green gem.

 

* * *

 

Connie turned around, looking at the ground before pressing a hand over her eyes.

“I got this… I can do this…” she was taking deep breaths, nodding her head, fifteen feet from the front of her home. She could hear Pearl knocking on the front door – it was a Saturday afternoon, so both of her parents should be home.

At first, she had not been planning on speaking to her parents until Monday or Tuesday, wanting to use the weekend to work up her nerve, but she had opted to only stay at Steven’s house for one night before changing her mind. That morning, she had awoken and went into town to clear her head, not wanting to bother Pearl or the Gems, but she had run into Mr. Universe on the boardwalk. It was hard to say who had been more surprised.

“ _I… like the new look, Connie.” He said wryly, his eyes crinkling in a sad smile that she had been his permanent expression since Steven disappeared._

_She chuckled lightly. “T-thanks, Mr. Universe. I guess you… heard… I’m, I’m sorry.” Connie started to tear up almost immediately, feeling weighted by inexpressible guilt and loss. They both loved him, and they both lost him._

_He approached her and wrapped his arms around her gently, not bothering to ask for an explanation – there were no words that could ever pass between them that would be adequate for those feelings._

_“Shh, Connie, it’ll be alright. It’ll be alright.” But his voice had its own heavy quality to it, obviously filled with loss._

_They held each other for a few more minutes until Connie was composed enough to walk on her own, and he led them to the Beach Citywalk Fries where he got himself a morning special, offering to pay for Connie, but she wasn’t hungry. In silence, they made their way back to the car wash, and they started to talk about what happened. He cringed at some points, but his cheeks were dry, and they exchanged a few sad questions along the way._

_After it was over and the fried potatoes had run out, he took a deep breath and said, “Wow. I can only imagine how happy your parents must be.”_

_That was so surprising that she started to cough. “H-H-Happy? With all due respect, I don’t think that’s what they will be, Mr. Universe.”_

_He raised an eyebrow at her. “Wait – ‘will be’? You mean haven’t talked to them yet?”_

_Connie rubbed her arm shamefully. “N-no… I’m still trying to catch up with all that happened, I’m not sure if I can face them right now.”_

_Standing up, he ran a hand through his long hair, releasing an exasperated sigh. “Connie, I don’t care if you’re pink, brown, purple, or blue – as far as I’m concerned, we’re both still human beings. And as one human to another, I have to tell you, I think you’re being unfair to them.”_

_She had not expected the sudden change in his attitude, but his voice wasn’t offending or hurtful. It was… sad._

_“I-I, well,” he started, his voice filled with hurt._

_Turning to face her, Greg had a single tear rolling down his chin. “If… If I could have had one more moment with him, or known one day sooner that he was home… Well, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. I’m not in a position to tell you what to do, Connie, but… just think about it.”_

A shot of nerves made her hands start to shake as she heard the familiar latch of the front door unlock.

_Here goes…_

“Oh, _oh_ , Priya – it’s, um” she could hear Dad struggling, unsure of how exactly to describe Pearl standing at their doorstep. Connie was just around the corner, far enough away that they wouldn’t see her from the entrance, but close enough that she could hear.

Pearl spoke up. “Um, it’s _Pearl_ , Connie’s trainer and Crystal Gem.”

Her Dad just mouthed nervously, waiting for his wife to show up at the door. “I, well, it’s nice to, um, I didn’t think you, well, wait, here she comes…”

There was a pause, and she could hear her Mom speak. “ _Pearl?_ Where’s Connie. Is – _no_ , she _isn’t_ ….” Her voice quickly became frantic.

Pearl interrupted. “She is alive, do not worry, Dr. Maheswaran. She asked I come to you first, just to ease your worries. Connie has undergone a… _change_ since returning. Connie…?”

The white gem turned to her, off to the side, and nodded seriously. Connie took a deep breath and turned the corner.

Her parents face would have been downright comical if she didn’t know what came next, hidden behind the shock. Her Dad actually took off his glasses and looked at her, eyes squinting to make sure she was, in fact, as she appeared to be.

“Connie, you’re…” her mother started to say, mouth hanging open.

Her dad finished, putting his glasses back on. “Pink?”

Once the initial disbelief wore off, her parents invited Pearl inside to speak more meaningfully, all of them seated at her family kitchen table.

“I’m not sure how much Connie or Greg has told you about the… details of our kind. I know you were all speaking daily before we left Earth?” Pearl began, looking at Connie who nodded.

Doug was seated to Connie’s right, holding his daughter’s hand and rubbing circles with his thumb.

“We know some things, the… monsters you fight, somethings about Greg’s wife, and that other… _people_ like you were the ones who took him. That he was on another planet?”

Nodding, Pearl’s voice was grim. Rose and Greg never married, but that didn’t really matter.

“Yes, that’s the basics. Now, once we left…”

Her mom said nothing for a while, massaging circles into her tired eyes with her thumb and forefinger, listening to Pearl explain the kinder, abridged version of all that happened.

Her dad was at least being… patient. His eyes kept flickering over to her doubtlessly unusual appearance, although he tried to focus his attention on Pearl since she was the one mostly speaking. The room was heavy with pain and confusion and some other sort of tension Connie could not identify.

“I know you probably have a lot of questions,” Pearl folded her hands on top of the table neatly, trying not to betray the exhaustion that lined her hard eyes. “So please, I just want to help.”

Doug was looking at Priyanka, who still had not said a word or opened her eyes since sitting at the table, so he cleared his throat.

He hadn’t a clue where to start though. “It… sounds like a lot happened. And no one else was seriously hurt?”

Connie nodded, but said nothing. She was watching her mother, who was gearing up to _something_ , she could just tell.

“And, the Universe boy…” Pearl cringed and Connie just pressed her lips together. “He is still out there, fighting this thing off. He was the one who let you get away?”

Stiffening, Pearl’s voice went up a few octaves. “Y-yes. Things could have been much worse. Steven… made a difficult choice.”

Doug’s mouth fell into a frown – he wanted to be angry, to be _furious_ , but somehow he could only feel sorry Mr. Universe and the rest of the boy’s caretakers. And then his daughter…

Priyanka finally let her hand fall against the table.

“There’s no way to know if _this_ is permanent?” Her hand gestured towards her daughter, the meaning behind her words evident.

“Not yet, I’m afraid. We might – ” but the woman raised her hand, silencing Pearl. The white gem had half a mind to remind her that she had spent thousands of years protecting her planet, but she clenched her teeth together and said nothing. The Maheswaran’s needed to process – they had every right to be angry.

“So she might continue to… fade, is that how you put it?” Priyanka met Pearl’s eyes, both of their faces drawn with lines of concern and frustration and a hundred other emotions right now.

Pearl nodded.

“I see.” She closed her eyes again, took a deep breath and stood from the table. They were all tense, even her husband, studying Priya’s tightly knit brow. Moving around the length of the table, she stood next to Connie, looking down at her daughter who was looking at her pink hands.

Then, more gently then she could have imagined, her mom was holding her, a hand rubbing into her hair, crying softly.

She was stunned.

“Y-you’re not… you’re not _mad_?” Connie asked weakly in her mother’s grasp.

Priyanka half chuckled, but continued the hold, squeezing her daughter a little tighter. “Oh, Connie, I’m absolutely furious. You have no idea. But you’re _here_ , and right now, that is what’s important.”

Doug’s face softened, and he stood and joined the two most important women in his life in a tight hug, all of them melting into each other. Mouth turned up in a weak smile, Pearl stood silently from the table and began to excuse herself from the house. Before she was out the front door, though, Priyanka had come out and was wiping at her cheeks.

“I… thank you, for bringing her back to us. I am sorry about… Steven.” She folded her hands together sincerely, bowing her head as she said his name. Pearl gave her a robotic nod, and watched Connie appear at her mother’s side.

“Ma’am – Pearl… I’ll, I’ll see you soon?” She looked up at her mother, the statement as much a question as it was a farewell.

The woman placed a hand on her shoulder, frowning. “Well, maybe, there is still a lot we need to talk about.”

Connie nodded solemnly, understanding that there would still be consequences to follow – but one thing at a time. She watched Pearl walk out the door.

The white gem was not surprised by the Maheswaran’s reaction – not necessarily. Everything was new, and fresh, and it all hurt but made them appreciate things they never would have before. Just having their daughter sitting at the kitchen table must have felt like a miracle, once they heard what happened. Things might be different if Connie wished to continue her training, but that was a conversation for a later time.

Right now, they had their child back, and Pearl did not. Her child, her light, was gone.

Marching forward, Pearl did allow herself a final small smile when her ears picked up a final word carried out through the window of the home. It was Doug.

“Hey, for what it’s worth, I think pink is kinda _cool_.”

 

* * *

 

“Dani! Pearl!” Steven yelled suddenly, jerking upright and shaking his head.

_What… happened?_

He gripped for his arm, but there was no bandage, no wound. He was blinking his eyes madly, like he had just resurfaced from a swim in the artic, his body shaking horribly from the cold.

Flinching, Steven realized the surface below was familiar, and not in a comforting way – it was the way a gem’s skin felt, cold and hard and smooth. White Diamond was holding him up to her face, looking at him curiously, the glow in her eyes making him writhe.

“What did you say, Steven?”

Clutching his head, Steven wasn’t even sure what he had said. Had he been dreaming? How did he get here? Where was Blue Pearl, or Dani? Heliodor? The bubble room?

He spoke slowly, his mouth moving robotically. “I… can’t remember, m-my Diamond. Was I… sleeping?”

White Diamond frowned at him, sporting that familiar, thoughtful look. Her eyes lashed him like an icy whip, every time.

“Quite the opposite. You’re asleep now – you’re dying, in fact.”

“O-oh…” Steven said. What else do you say to that?

She studied him skeptically, and he started to grow self-conscious, rubbing the inside of his elbow, still remembering how the point of Pearl’s blade felt against his skin, then he moved his hand to his cheek, the sting when Dani had slapped him still fresh in his mind.

“You’re not the only one who can communicate through the channels of the mind.” White Diamond said in her chilling tone, causing him to wince. “I’m afraid it’s the only way I can speak with you right now - you’re on your way back to Earth.”

Could his heart have beaten out of his chest, it would have. What was she talking about? Going back to _Earth_? But… _what?_

White Diamond raised an eyebrow, examining his astonished expression. “Really, Steven, you didn’t _actually_ think I was ignorant of the plot hatched by Blue’s old Pearl? It’s the same old game – let the pawns move first. Haven’t you been paying attention?”

She tilted her head, and Steven felt himself shrink under her piercing gaze. “Although, _you_ still manage to surprise me – you nearly died for a Danburite? Had you told me she mattered so much I might have one day considered letting you bring her back on… less gruesome terms. You really need to stop throwing your life around so carelessly.”

Steven was staring at her, mouth hanging open dumbly, but he didn’t care. She was in control this _whole_ time? Was she _insane?_

“There is something I wish to show you. Are you prepared to see what we’ve already accomplished?”

Still lifting his hand to the phantom mark that no longer stung his cheek, Steven’s eyes were wide with confusion and fear, unsure of how he was expected to reply – most likely, he didn’t have any say in the matter anyways.

_We’ve accomplished?_

Standing up, White Diamond held her palm face-up so Steven could see outward; he felt a head rush with her sudden movement. He was not cracked nor hurt for once, so there was no reason for her to bubble him, a weightlessness that had actually become comforting.

Weakly, he tried to form words as she strode down the length of the room.

“We’re, I’m… dreaming? Is this even _real_?”

“Oh, I’m in _your_ head now Steven, but I assure you, this is very real.” The thought of White Diamond being _in_ his mind made his heart drop through his stomach, so he closed his eyes and tried not to focus on the swaying and twisting of his insides. It all certainly _felt_ real.

Distracting himself was not exactly difficult. Steven was still consumed with the buzzing in his brain – had he imagined Blue Pearl, her terror, shapeshifting as Holly Blue Agate? Dani, her normal arms, her familiar monotone, the slap? Was this real, or was that? Was this all a dream, or a nightmare? What had he imagined, when did the vision end and reality begin? Everything felt almost like the occasions when Garnet had shown him future vision (a memory which made his heart hurt) – so real he could not tell the difference, but yet… what had happened at all?

A moment later, he was whirled away with White Diamond into a cool stream of iridescent light, reflecting blues and whites prettily against the ends of his vision. White Diamond started speaking at him the moment they returned to a solid surface, but he was too overwhelmed to bother with whatever she might be saying.

The sudden awe that enveloped his brain rendered him literally unable to process anything. The moment the air returned from the warp stream, he felt like he could see everything and nothing all at once. They must be very high up, he guessed, their current vantage point looking out for miles and miles until every futuristic-looking building disappeared over the horizon. Everything – _everything_ was white. Buildings, towers, her hand, the ground, the _sky_ had turned white, the stars no longer twinkling above and beyond their heads.

“The Infinity Spire.”

The name was fitting, because it dwarfed absolutely any structure from each zenith of the planet. Steven could not have fathomed such a measureless, ecumenical experience in his wildest imagination – he felt like he had reached the cross in the void of sanity and insanity, teetering dangerously close to collapsing under the sheer limitless weight of this place.

“Homeworld, Steven – it’s better this way, don’t you think? And I have _you_ to thank for it.” she mused, leaning against a pillar taller than even her extraordinary height. They were on the very top of the tower, an open terrace to the world, canopied by a complex, geometric overhead awning supported by Athenian-looking columns.

“I-… b-b-but…” he couldn’t make any sensible words, his entire body shaking. This was not like looking up into the galaxy, wondering what was beyond. Right now, it felt like he _was_ the universe, looking down at reality far, far, _far_ below.

“My subjects are _very_ upset that ‘Rose Quartz’ has gone and shattered not only Pink, but now Yellow and Blue, too.” Her voice feigned remorse, and she clicked her tongue as she looked down at her empire.

“But we know the truth of that, don’t we, Steven?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. Anything felt inadequate to express his feelings right now.

“No? You didn’t think you were just a beck-and-call healer, did you? Oh, no, no. You’re much more valuable than that, Steven. You see, what you’ve given me is not only immortality, but _understanding_. Your experience in the mind of the Cluster really opened my eyes to the sheer power buried in our shards – all I needed was _you_ to awaken it.” He swallowed hard on his throat, horrified and entirely overwhelmed.

“Imagine it. All of the power of thousands of gems, intensified by fusion, restored perfectly by your powers into totally new, stable gems. And I thought – gems turned into fully-formed, compositionally complex gems in their own right? Soldiers, subjects, warriors? Certainly, that’s one application…” She lifted her other hand to her head, cupping her chin as if this conversation was in fact challenging to her in any capacity. It wasn’t.

“This whole world… my subjects here… they no longer simply feel loyalty to me, or their old Diamonds, or their Agates, or their assignments, or their colonies.”

She smiled, her face a model of authority and terror. “I _own_ them, Steven. _I own everything_.”

Turning, she faced away from the skyline and strode around the parapet, a graceful lap in celebration of her victory.

She mused, holding him aloft so he might gaze out upon the white world. “Don’t worry, Steven. You won’t be gone long. There are just a few things I need for you to take care of for me while you’re away.”

 

* * *

 

“ _NO_!” Steven bolted upright again, but this time he immediately regretted it. He flew forward into Dani’s hard chest, smacking his forehead against her stone-cold form.

“Steven – you’re awake. Thank goodness.” She pushed some of his matted hair off his forehead when he winced in pain.

“Oh, forgive me. I was not sure where else to put you; we haven’t much room.”

Rubbing his bruise, Steven looked around – he was in a small pink pod, only a bit larger than the inside of the drill he had shared with Peridot so long ago. This was taller, so Dani was able to sit up in her seat, and to his left was Blue Pearl, curled into a ball and looking out the window, a delicate bubble between her hands.

_The window… Space?_

“No, no, no, no no no this is wrong. _Wrong_. I have to go back – I can’t, I can’t go!” He flipped himself around in her lap so he was facing the controls and desperately he started to press buttons and dials.

“Take me back, you have to take me back – she, White Diamond – it was a trick, she wanted you to – ”

Danburite frowned down at him, disappointed he was still acting like this. Restraining his hands firmly, she turned him around to face her again.

“No, Steven, I told you – I was not about to let you die for us. I am taking you to Earth, where you belong.”

He was so angry he felt tears rise in his eyes, but all he could do was lean into her chest like a child. Balling fists in his eyes, he tried to speak through the pain. “ _No_ , you don’t understand. She came to me while I was asleep. A dream. This… she planned it. _All_ of it. She _let_ you take me.”

Pearl and Dani exchanged a look, disturbed by his sudden announcement.

Slowly, the white gem tried to calm him down. “No, Steven – there were complications along the way, but we managed to escape.”

He said nothing, overcome with helplessness. She really did own everything, didn’t she? How much had she planned, how much did she know? Did she know this whole conversation was going to happen when he woke up? Did she already know where they were going, and when they had left?

How can she know _everything?_

Quietly, he spoke – mostly to himself. “ _Why_ am I going back to Earth?”

The others shared another glance, and Pearl tried her hand this time. “Y-you were the one who said that we would… be safe there.” Her voice was soft, but there were hints of worry and even exhaustion that peaked through.

He groaned, lifting his head up and wiping away his tears. “I mean, why did she _want_ me to go back to Earth? You just don’t understand… this… she’s letting this happen. She said she wanted me to do something there.”

Dani was growing anxious by the way he was talking. “Steven, did she say _what_ she wanted you to do when you arrived?”

“No…”

Not wanting to be patronizing, Dani bit her lip, but just placed a comforting hand on top of his head. Humans, especially post-trauma, were prone to nightmares – night terrors, even. This sounded to her much more like that, even if he could travel through dreams.

They sat in silence for some time after that, Steven sniffling and feeling the puncture mark in his arm that Dani had properly bandaged, then running his hand across the welts on his legs.

He was finally going back to Earth, back to his Dad, to the Gems – he had been trying to deny it, but when Dani smacked him it all came back. Of _course_ he wanted to go back, but now, it didn’t even feel like he should want that… Steven wasn’t going back to Earth on his terms, or even out of defiance of Homeworld’s terrible hierarchy. This was exactly what White Diamond wanted, her same old game. Who was a pawn, a knight, a king or a queen? A bishop, a rook? How do you even compete against someone when you don’t even know which parts have which names?

For some reason, Steven was reminded of a story his Dad told him once, or was it Connie? He wasn’t sure. The one with the boy with wax wings, what was that called? He could remember the way they described it, the reason the story was so sad – the guy in it had come so, _so_ very close to getting what he wanted, but he flew too close to the sun and got burned.

Now, with stars zooming past their tiny pod, Steven felt like he truly understood. He was nearly home, he would get to apologize to the Maheswarans and the Gems and his Dad, but would he get burned? He guessed he would. White Diamond was the sun, and he was the Earth, trapped in her orbit and unable to escape – he would die, or she would explode, but she would never let him go until something changed in the universe. This was just a leash, the furthest apex of his heliocentric existence. He had not escaped, not truly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. We made it. That's it, gang - C&C is over. No more captivity, no more story.
> 
> A huge, huge, huge thank you to everyone who followed along. Please check out the epilogue and the bonus content - I think you'll all really enjoy it! Learn more about my process as a writer, some background on the story, and other such fun details.
> 
> In the words of White Diamond, "Don't worry... You won't be gone long."


	41. Epilogue (Bonus Content)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot changes, deleted passages/scenes, playlist, and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started keeping a more detailed log of plot changes, particularly deleted passages, around chapter 18. So bear in mind this content is slanted towards anything that occurs around/after, but I've tried to include earlier notes if I had them.

**Epilogue**

 

Garnet reclined on a crinkly bale of hay, watching the others start to gather. Peridot and Lapis had just unfused; they had formed Prehnite when Lapis returned. Garnet smirked as they laughed, snorting and giggling when they flew apart – she knew from the start Peridot was going to break the balcony, and that Lapis would be mad, but they would ultimately forgive each other and fuse. Was she controlling fate? Maybe just a little, but she was a fusion embodied by love, how could she resist picking the future in which she could watch a new love start to grow?

She was pleased that Greg decided to join them; most futures dictated that he wouldn’t, but when the van came crawling over the dirt beaten path, the leader was able to breathe a sigh of relief. He hadn’t forgiven them, because he wasn’t necessarily holding a grudge, but she could tell he wasn’t necessarily happy either. It was more out of obligation that he came, she could only guess, but it was still nice to see him.

Pearl would be returning, hopefully, with Amethyst. She had called her from Greg’s cell phone shortly after his arrival and exchanging minimal pleasantries and explained her concerns about the purple gem in the Temple. Pearl agreed to try to track her down in the Temple her and bring her to the barn, baring no unforeseen circumstances.

And that was it, Garnet realized. It made her sadder to see it when Pearl came over the hillside with Amethyst – the purple gem wouldn’t look at the others, but she did greet Peridot warmly, which struck her as odd. This was it: herself, Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis, Peridot, and Connie, who was absent, with her family.

Greg hung back a bit, sitting on the edge of his van about ten feet from the group while the others gathered. The only one to stand was Garnet, and that was only after all the others had settled down.

Frowning, the fusion crossed her arms and looked around. “I’m proud of you, all of you. We accomplished the impossible – infiltrate Homeworld and come back to Earth. I know… I know it is tempting to feel like we’ve failed.” Peridot lowered her head and Lapis clenched her fists, but everyone else’s face remained blank.

“But I don’t. Steven wouldn’t. He wanted us to come home, to defend the Earth, to continue to be free. I may be your leader, but,” she took off her visor, her eyes filled with a certain kindness reserved only for Garnet’s most sincere moments. “ _You_ are the Crystal Gems. I can’t force any of you to do anything – that’s the point of Earth. I wanted to discuss how we might… proceed, given current affairs.”

No one said anything at first, most everyone avoiding each other’s eyes, so the fusion spoke again. “That includes you, Greg. I am glad you came – you see things we are often blind to, as we sometimes get wrapped up in our own world. We need your input, too.”

He gave her a slow nod, processing, thinking. Normally, he didn’t like to get involved with the magic stuff, but he could see the utility in this conversation. Garnet may not be saying it directly, but the questions were clearly there: do we stay, do we go back, should some stay and some go? Who? When? How?

Finally, Pearl was the first to jump in. “Maybe I am biased, but I can’t let this stand. There is no way I can just idly stay on Earth, knowing he’s out there.” She held her head a little straighter, chin a little higher.

“I want to go to war.”

Peridot and Lapis both gawked at her, and even Greg stiffened at her words. Amethyst did not react. Nodding, Garnet said nothing, weighing all options.

“B-but, Pearl, why would you want that?” Peridot began. “Don’t get me wrong, we did a pretty good job for such a small team, but…”

“It’s something I’ve thought long and hard about, Peridot. There’s more of us here than when Rose and I started the revolution; with careful planning, and strategically using the loss of the Diamond’s on Homeworld, I think it’s possible. More than possible, really.”

Lapis flinched. “I can’t believe you, Pearl. It makes me sick that Steven is out there, but _they_ have him. If we just declare war, they have almost nothing to lose. Who knows what they might… do to him.” The blue gem clutched her arms a little tighter.

Garnet weighed in. “I don’t necessarily think they’ll do anything to him directly in response to our actions, Lapis. I’m not saying I’m for Pearl’s suggestion, either, but I doubt White Diamond would just throw away her leverage like that.”

Rubbing her chin, Peridot didn’t sound convinced. “If anything, I say we could try another covert operation, now that we have a better feel for what we can do.”

“Yes, but, think about it – even if we were successful, we know Homeworld has a reason to want to keep him. He’s not just a… hostage.” She eyed Greg warily, trying to measure her words. “White Diamond has _need_ of him. If we just snatch him out from under her watchful eye, she’ll come after us and the Earth immediately.”

To everyone’s surprise, Amethyst was the one to speak up. Her voice was even, dark, and entirely out of character. “I think this is a waste of time. We should just stay here.”

That made them all fall silent for a moment, staring at the purple gem like she had just said an unsavory word.

“How could you say that?” Pearl was immediately indignant, and Lapis looked ready to smack her. Peridot looked down, a sad and knowing frown on her face.

Amethyst stood up, throwing her arms into the air in anger. “Are you all even hearing yourselves? I love Steven, I do. But we all almost _died_ , seriously. He _wanted_ this, you heard him, I heard him, we all heard him.”

She turned away, kicked some hay, and crossed her arms. The others looked around, stunned, save the green gem.

To their surprise, Greg chimed in gently. “Amethyst, what’s gotten into you?”

Hanging her head, Amethyst said nothing but they could hear her stifle a cry. Garnet moved to comfort her, but she shrugged away her hand.

“D-don’t you guys get it? I’m not kidding. I really, almost _died_ out there. Peri’s gem mod… if it hadn’t stopped the blow from that rock when we were Alexandrite, I would be dead. I can’t go back there, I…” She sniffled, looking into the blue sky.

“I’m _scared_. If it hadn’t been me, then it would have just as easily been one of you. I don’t want anyone else to die, and if you think that marching on Homeworld’s doorstep is a good idea after what happened _last_ time…” Amethyst sighed.

“I-I’m sorry.”

It didn’t sound like the apology was intended for any of them.

There was a tense silence that fell that followed, and they all realized why Amethyst had so wanted to be alone. Peridot must have known – at some point on the Roaming Eye, she noticed– but if she hadn’t rigged the tiny, reflexive shield to block direct physical attacks to the gemstone, it would not have triggered, and Amethyst would have been shattered.

Garnet had grown thoughtful and was about to recline back into her tiny throne of hay, but there was a sudden snap in her internal mind’s eye as she felt something. Something… what was that.

“Wait.” Her voice was immediately tight, a familiar sort of apprehension that they all knew to mean something serious.

“Something has entered the atmosphere. But, _no_ … it can’t be.”

 

* * *

 

“I am… sorry, Steven, but we’re almost there now. Nothing you say will change my mind.” Danburite’s cool monotone rang gently in the rattling little pod as Earth came into view.

He mumbled. “I-I know.”

Barely, he resisted the urge to add: _she would get what she wanted anyways.._

Pearl shifted so as to better hold Yellow Pearl, which was at least one little bit of peace he was able to have. She had, apparently, started to corrupt when they found her – that’s what Dani said. Maybe he would be able to fix her, unlike Jasper.

“Um… Steven, where should we…” the soft melody of the blue gem nodded out the window, towards home.

“Oh… right. Delmarva, Beach City, it’s… this way,” he pointed at the little screen in front of them, turning the holographic globe to face his familiar part of the Earth.

After another ten minutes of hurdling through space, the chamber began to grow warm as they moved through Earth’s atmosphere. Not uncomfortable, almost cozy, warmer than he’s felt in so long. He could start to see the outline of the Temple, the large hills that ran up and down the coast, closing in their little ocean town.

Steven felt a little happy, but it was mostly bittersweet. What did White Diamond want him to do here? What if he _didn’t_ do it?

Then the adrenaline of it all kicked in, his heart pumping madly while everything slowed down. They hit the sand, close to the water, and the magnificent stone-carving of the Temple towered over them like White Diamond, maybe even taller. He had never had something to compare it to until now.

Danburite lifted him gently. “Are you ready, Steven?”

He nodded, unsure if he could really form words right now. What was this feeling in his stomach? Regret? Anger? Fear? Happiness? It was hard to tell.

The white gem nodded at Pearl, who moved a finger around the screen and the top of the pod cracked open. There was an infinitesimal moment of pure peace – warm ocean air, salty and bubbling from the shifting tide, the familiar itch of Earth’s air in his throat. It was so beautiful he started to cry.

Then, he heard a voice. No, many voices – so many voices he couldn’t even count them all.

“Steven!”

_“Steven!”_

“Shtu-ball!”

“S-Steven? Is it really you?”

They were almost upon them, running through the sand. He could see Garnet and Amethyst and Pearl, all crying and nearly tripping over themselves to get to him, and Peridot riding on Lapis’ shoulder like a piggy-back ride, and even his Dad was there, sweating and crying but with such a smile on his face Steven couldn’t resist the urge to return the expression.

Danburite gripped him by the underarm, holding him aloft, and turned inward on herself – a little closer, more secure. Pearl had stepped lightly out of the pink pod and held her hands low, standing off to the side.

“W-wait” Dani said, slowing them as they were only a few feet away. Garnet held out a hand in front of the others, many of whom looked piqued, but the fusion trusted this Homeworld gem. She cared for Steven – that much was obvious.

Steven craned his neck to look at her, eyes hidden behind her visor.

“Will you be okay, if I set you down? You still need to rest, and you might get overwhelmed…”

Eyes still filled with tears, he nodded as her face softened slightly. A smile. They were all smiles, right now.

Very carefully, she let him step down into the sand, his bare toes sinking into the grainy warmth. How long has it been since he felt that sensation?

Then, they were holding him, hugging him, passing him around without letting him touch the ground, like he might disappear if one of them wasn’t holding him. To be honest, it was a little nauseating to move so much, but the warmth of love and affection dispelled most of the negativity that pooled in the back of his mind.

At some point, Steven found himself lazing softly in Lapis’ arm, her eyes the brightest blue he’s ever seen them. Peridot and Danburite were having an intense discussion with… his dad, of all people. Garnet was standing behind Lapis, a tear or two still stealing away beneath her visor, but Steven was paying attention to another conversation going on to his left.

“W-White…” Blue Pearl said, bowing in greeting, unsure what else to do. His Pearl said nothing at first, but had a bemused expression on her face.

After a pause, she curtsied gracefully, but threw her arms around the lithe gem in quick hug.

“ _Blue_.” Pearl did not need to say anything else – her being here simply being here expressed more words than they could have ever exchanged in their thousands of years of being apart. She may be a Homeworld gem to the core, but they had been friends, nearly comrades if Pearl could have had her way, and at this moment it was just nice to see that she survived.

Despite his worries, Steven sighed comfortably in Lapis’ arms, and she snuggled him a little closer with a smile on her face. It was a sad sort of smile though – he recognized it now, sporting it at this very moment on his own visage.

Shifting his weight in her arms, the blue gem whispered low to him. “What are you going to do about Connie?”

Steven cringed, not expecting Lapis to be the one to bring it up, but he was glad to address the matter privately. “Oh, gosh. The Maheswarans… I had nearly forgotten.” That was a lie. He just wished he could avoid the conversation a little longer.

“Um,” she said. “I don’t know what that means. Is that code?” She looked a little bemused, but waited patiently for an answer.

“Oh, no – sorry. Maheswaran is Connie’s last name. I was referring to her parents… I need to tell them what happe – Lapis?” He got distracted as understanding spread across her face, followed by a real smile and a brief chortle.

“Steven – oh, I…. Wait, how do I put this?” The blue gem’s pretty face went from beaming to puzzled and quickly back to excited.

“Connie is _alive_ , Steven, we’re not really sure how, but she’s okay. Just, pink now. It was… really weird, actually.” She finished the astonishing, literally physically impossible news, very flatly – perfectly befitting the ocean gem.

He felt like he had been smacked again. “Wait – no, no, you’re…” She wasn’t joking, he could tell by the look on her face – Lapis wasn’t necessarily known for her comedy, most of the time.

A little too loudly, he shouted. “ _I have to see her!”_ Several of the Gems nearby jumped.

Garnet approached him, then, and he lifted his arms up like a child: _pick me up?_ Smiling, she wordlessly complied, but started walking towards the house.

“Wa-wait, I need to see Connie. Also, a lot of crazy things happened, Garnet. I…” Steven started to say, his speech quickly spilling out in a rush, but the fusion shook her head and delicately interrupted.

“Right now, you need to rest. We will call Connie and let her know. I can make a _very_ good guess that she will be here when you wake up.” She smiled that mysterious smile that he missed so much.

They were already crossing the threshold into the house. While he recognized Garnet was only trying to help, that did not necessarily ease his concerns.

_The dream – I need to tell them about the dream._

She was tucking him into bed, and he realized he felt tired. So, so tired, and heavy, and he hadn’t realized how much he missed resting on the softness of a mattress since he had been gone.

“I…” Steven started to explain his concerns, eyes thick with sudden exhaustion, and then his dad was there, sitting next to him like he used to when they would read until he fell asleep.

Gently, he spoke to his son. “Garnet’s right, son. You’re here now, and that’s what’s important, so let’s just take this one step at a time, okay?”

Faintly, he nodded, amazed by the simple comfort of his dad’s voice. It was so kind, so gentle, and it filled him with so much love.

Steven fell asleep in his bed, in his home, on his planet. Things had been so different since the last time he fell asleep here – that was how this all started, in fact. This time when he would wake up, however, it would be with his family and friends in his company.

One step at a time – one move in the game.

His turn, her turn, his turn, her turn – the match was only just beginning.

 

* * *

 

 

**It's Over, Isn't It?**

**(No, it's not)**

  * I **am** planning on writing a second part of C &C that will explore the fall-out once they return to Earth – Steven recovering from the trauma, Connie re-adjusting to, well, being undead, the Crystal Gems as they try to plan for the future, Greg in trusting the Gems with Steven again, Lapis and Peridot now that they’ve, well… “formed Prehnite,” and other such things.
  * I am considering writing a prequel to this, set pre- / mid- Gem War that explores what I theorize happened to Pink Diamond, Rose and Pearl's early relationship with each other and Homeworld, and more. There were some hints in this story, but I haven’t decided if/when I would launch this.



 

* * *

 

 

**Plot Changes/Original Plans**

This is just a random assortment of facts about the story, plot, and characters that were changed as the plot continued to develop.

 

  * The original story was never even supposed to have White Diamond (!!!). The planned antagonist was going to just be Yellow and Blue Diamond, feuding over how to handle Steven. Blue was going to murder Yellow, instead of Yellow murdering White. The degree of publicity on Steven’s capture and execution would have made it impossible (or at least, highly unlikely) for White to stay out of the action. So, she turned into the mastermind, and Blue and Yellow became scheming partners.


  * Danburite’s (Dani) was originally going to be Goshenite (Nicknamed ‘Gosh’ – Steven was going to enjoy using that pun. _“Gosh, you’re so dramatic, Gosh.” “Gosh, aren’t you the quiet one?”_ )


  * The story was supposed to only oscillate between Earth, Pink Diamond’s Zoo, and Blue Diamond’s Arm Ship (could you imagine?! No Homeworld?!)


  * Chapter 28, “The Execution,” was planned to be titled “Yellow’s Parade” – everything that was made to celebrate Pink’s memory was going to be centered around Yellow’s “victory.” Most of the gems in attendance were going to be her subjects, and the crowds were going to be crazed with rage and anger (militarized) rather than commemorative and celebratory (if that make sense?)
  * The Jasper that cut-off Pearl and Lapis before they randomly crossed paths with Steven was supposed to escort them to the execution, so Steven would never have sent them to White Diamond’s throne room because they never would have seen each other. It was supposed to be one of those, “AH YOU JUST MISSED EACH OTHER!” moments for the reader, but I couldn’t pass up angsty Steven pushing them onto the warp pad.


  * Connie’s death was planned very early on, but it was going to be staged as an illusion – by White or Blue Diamond, I couldn’t decide. One of them were going to bring out Holly Blue in front of Steven, ask her to list and shapeshift into each of the people he cared about from Opalite’s memories, and Steven’s reaction to seeing Connie would be enough to tell the Diamond that she was the most important. Then, they were going to “summon her” (like they did with Lar’s in the canon-episode “The Trial”) and murder her in front of Steven – but, the trick was, Connie and the others were going to be watching from a remote location. So you, the reader, would know she was alive, but Steven was going to think she was dead. Later, when they cross paths, he wouldn’t be able to face her, thinking the _real_ Connie was a ghost, illusion, or his imagination.


  * The whole, epic Prehnite moment at the Human Zoo when she takes out all of the Quartz soldiers, plus Danburite’s redemption, were never in the original story. Garnet, Pearl, Lapis, and Peridot were going to travel through space to a nearby Blue Diamond colony, Zyoiton (pronounced “zai-o-tan”) that Sapphire had spent several centuries on before the war, and do another “sneak-in-That-Will-Be-All-style,” but that seemed long and erroneous just to get them back on track to Homeworld. The plan was, they were going to make sure it was safe, then Lapis would return to Amethyst and Connie, escort them to that planets galaxy warp, waltz right into Homeworld, and then be ambushed. Peridot was going to push Lapis out of the way and get poofed and taken away D:


  * Instead of shattering a Rose Quartz, Steven was going to be forced to shatter White Pearl – to reinforce how little value Homeworld attributes to Pearl’s, _and_ their unbelievable obedience (“Pearl, come forward,” … willingly and knowingly waits to be shattered by Steven).


  * I kept a handwritten journal of notes, and almost every page has this written across the top: “Y Diamond – weaponize,” “B Diamond – terrorize,” and “W Diamond – manipulate.”. At first, it was a plan for their intentions on how to use Steven, a three-way power struggle. Then, it became more of a way to keep their personalities separate.


  * The last half of being on Homeworld was supposed to be in White Diamond’s throne room, where Steven first met White Diamond, not in the Kindergarten. The Kindergarten just… felt more eerie, unnatural, and ended up fitting better.


  * Mystery Girl was supposed to be in attendance at the Steven-a-Palazoo, or U.U.U Beach Festival HQ, and she and Pearl were supposed to have a teary goodbye. Buuuuut, the party was more about the people _of_ Beach City – she was too much of an outlier, so it didn’t really work.


  * One of the hardest choices was how to separate the gems when they reached Homeworld – I went through several pairings. Here’s how things started and grew to be the final set-up. Imagine how different things would have been!



_-Amethyst/Lapis/Connie and Pearl/Garnet/Peridot_ – a group of very lost Gems, and Gems who knew how to get around

 _-Pearl/Amethyst/Garnet and Connie/Lapis/Peridot_ – the obvious Crystal Gem and Crystal Temps pairing

 _-Garnet/Connie/Peridot and Pearl/Lapis/Amethyst_ – This was *very very* close to being the final pairing, until I decided Peridot needed to get lost for a while. Then, some moving around…

 _-Connie/Garnet/Amethyst and Pearl/Lapis and Peridot (alone)_.

 

* * *

 

**Deleted Scenes/Passages**

These are more-or-less in chronological order, and only include large chunks of re-written material. For example, a slight sentence change would not be included, but major shifts in dialogue or scene development. Please keep in mind these never underwent the intensive editing process, so expect typos and the occasional poor grammar!

 

_**Early Morning Conversations** : Instead of speaking to himself, Steven was originally going to have a conversation with Danburite about human behavior._

In response to his body’s heightened activity, Danburite walked through the door. It wasn’t the first time it’s happened since he was brought here many hours ago, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. There was some movement in the fingers that Steven recognized as something that would slow his breathing and an oxygen mask was accordingly held to his face but the phantom digits.

After several minutes, he returned to a regular heartbeat, so Danburite made to leave again. Though their interactions were usually scheduled and wordless, Steven liked having a visitor, so he would talk to Danburite even if she wouldn’t respond.

“W-Wait. I had a question.” He bit his lip, thinking of something to make her say.

“It’s, a uh… a medical question!”

At this, she paused, but did not turn around. She said nothing, expecting him to continue.

“Uh, it’s personal, sort of… private?” He indicated towards the open door, where Heliodor was diligently standing.

To his surprise, Danburite turned around and looked at him. Her mouth was a frown, but the rest of her face was hidden, so he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“Very well. I am familiar with the human emotion of shame. Explain.” She lifted a hand and a lone mechanic finger flew towards a panel in the wall, closing the door.

Her sudden agreement was shocking to him, but he didn’t want to lose this opportunity. Now he was feeling pressured, not expecting his lie to work, so now he was quickly trying to come up with something. The beeping monitor revealing his heart rate was not helping.

“I um, I was wondering, if… ah, no, never mind. I just wanted… the others, do their choosenings ever go wrong?” Steven was blushing despite himself, his question stupidly filling the silence. He tried to tell himself it didn’t really matter that he lied for her to stay, he was essentially a war prisoner, Homeworld probably wasn’t going to escalate his punishment him for a stupid question.

“Ah. The hypermasculinity of the human male is making you ashamed of speaking about romance and related biological functions. No, they don’t. Why? You will not be choosened; you will only be here for a few more hours.”

He hadn’t expected a response, figuring she would find his question foolish, let alone for her to turn around and begin questioning him. “Uhh, oh. Just, there’s no choosening on Earth, just similar things, and those go wrong a lot of the time.”

“I know. I have studied your kind for thousands of years. We have designed the choosenings to never fail, so that none of the specimens might experience hurt.”

“But why? Isn’t it important to feel hurt? That’s how you know when things are good.” He hadn’t intended the conversation to go like this, but now Steven was genuinely curious; he only felt so good in the small room because he had gone through so much pain to get here.

“No. They will not hurt each other; it is not their way. That leaves self-inflicted hurt, which is contradictory to your biological instinct to survive.” Her speech was matter-of-fact, and as soon as she finished speaking, she immediately turned on her heel, opened the door and left the room again.

He just stared after her, not sure what to say. He only had a few more hours here, apparently, so he just tried to become as comfortable as he could in his bed, trying to clear his mind and enjoy the small peace he had.

 

_**Gem Arrival** : Yellow Diamond takes Steven from the experiment room, but in this, there is a second Yellow Diamond on a screen in the room announcing his execution._

It was a really bizarre moment, even by the standards of Steven Universe, who arguably had one of the most bizarre realities imaginable.

After a few more seconds of staring dumbly at the two Diamonds at the end of his vision, he realized one of them was looking down at him, speaking. He tried to focus, concentrate on his own world and not the pounding in his head, trying to understand what she was saying to him.

“citizens… Attendance is mandatory with the exception of essential military gems. All others should be present for this great moment in gem history – once and for all, we will eradicate the rebel Rose Quartz – ” Then, she disappeared. Steven realized about halfway through that it wasn’t _actually_ Yellow Diamond that was speaking to him – it was a recording of a message, like the one Peridot had set off on Earth from the communications hub. But, that only got rid of one of them – the other had been the one to stop the screen, and she was staring at him with a crazed, malicious smile on her face.

 

_**Comfort of the In Between** : Heliodor heads off Sugilite and Connie before they explore Blue Diamond’s base, forcing Sugilite to unfuse._

Taking a breath to steady her nerves, Connie yelped when she felt hands grab her, but the shout was lost in behind a cold orange hand. Eyes straining to look up, a tall orange gem with long fingers had grabbed her, snaking away to stand in front of the ruined white wall.

“ _Fusion!_ Stop, or the girl dies.” Connie’s eyes went wide as Sugilite turned, snarling. She did not take well to threats, but…

“What, so you can just kill all of us?” She was furious, but she did not raise her weapon.

The gem behind her ear held her up with one hand and covered her mouth tighter with the other, Connie screaming and trying to kick, but it was no use. Whoever this was had long arms, so long that Connie could not even reach their torso as she was held at full length.

The gem grimaced at that. “Don’t be foolish – look around you. Do you think I would try to take you on alone? I’m not looking for a fight.” Connie wasn’t sure to trust the gems words, her voice coated in malice and stinging the back of her neck like poison.

_Come on, Amethyst, Garnet… Please…_

Sugilite roared in anger, but in a flash she unfused and the two flew apart. Garnet landed gently in a kneeling position while Amethyst rolled unceremoniously away.

Standing up, Garnet spoke. “Unhand her.”

The gem complied, flinging Connie forward. She sprawled on her hands and knees but managed to catch herself.

Amethyst ran forward as Connie staggered towards them, grabbing her protectively and pushing the girl behind her.

“What’s your deal, punk? What do you want?” She was still riled up with aggression from the fusion, practically growling at her.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Her voice was flat, face emotionless.

Mysteriously, the gem jumped up to the beams that Connie had been supported on, Garnet defensively summoning her gauntlets as she gazed up, only for the gem to jumper higher and higher, out through a hole Sugilite had made in the ceiling.

 

_**The Execution** : Steven has a passing thought, but I thought it was too morbid, so I excluded it._

Do Gems even have genocide?

 _Gemocide_? The morbidity of his own joke tempted him to throw himself off of the little platform that displayed him like a living trophy across the gems of Homeworld.

 

 ** _Feeling Blue_ :** _The first version of Steven and Heliodor’s conversation before he was left alone with Danburite, standing on top of the lutetium prison that held the rest of the Crystal Gems. In this, Heliodor has White Diamond’s shards and resurrects her before Yellow and Blue Diamond arrive._

She stood up and turned away from him, her dress billowing lightly in the fog. “Do you remember what I told you when we last departed?”

Feeling a little steadier without her staring at him, Steven racked his brain. Of course he remembered, although it was a little jumbled.

“Yeah, I do. It was… about the color white. It’s nothingness, emptiness, yet it exists without being…seen…” his voice trailed off as she turned back to face him, an orange bubble in her hands, white shards suspended within.

“Is that… are those…?” His voice was weak.

Steven was horrorstruck as the bubble popped, several large fragments of White Diamond’s gemstone clinked gently in Heliodor’s hands.

Shaking as he looked at the shimmering shards, he was reminded of being in the Cluster’s mind again, the voices and the echoes in his own brain… It felt like she was trying to talk to him, trying to pierce him with those eyes again. Instinctively, Steven clutched his navel through the ruined white shirt, feeling nauseous, backing up and tripping over his feet. He slipped, fell backwards on hard metal and gawked at Heliodor as a robonoid climbed up her leg, then her torso and perched on her shoulder.

Goop shot from a little opening in the familiar robot, but the color was all wrong from Steven’s memory. This fluid was orange, coating the shards in a gross sort of way that was sticky and liquescent. Heliodor set the shards down swiftly and backed away, flicking the orange off her hands as more robonoids started to appear from the darkness.

The world stood still as the scene in the Kindergarten unfolded, all of them watching the white shards start to vibrate and glow with beautiful white light. There was a folding sound, like rocks scraping against other rocks as they tumbled around the ground, and in a moment the fragments knit together to form a badly damaged, large shard of white gemstone.

A shard was not the end of it, however, and the white glow started to change and twist through the fog. Soon, the world was washed in a soft pink light as the cracks and fragments fused together, connecting the fractures. Across the surface of the shard, new stone began to grow and metathesize, life rising within the pretty white stone.

It took only another beat of Steven’s heart, but, the air became dark and musty once again. The lights had disappeared, and in its placed was the towering figure of White Diamond, looking down at him with an absolutely terrifying expression on her face.

 

_**Who Lives, and Who Dies** : Sapphire doesn’t warn the others that Steven can’t breathe, and they engulf him in a hug._

His eyes were sparkling with tears and his voice was drowned in disbelief. “W-what? You? – I’m the one who…” but he couldn’t finish the words, because the next thing he knew there were arms around him, holding him tightly but softly. He couldn’t breathe, not from the pressure, but from the enormous guilt. What are they doing?

“W- stop, stop it! What are you…?”

Connie leaned back and looked him straight in the face, and the look in her eyes made him melt. “Steven, you _idiot_.” Then she was holding him again, and they were all holding each other, and it was warm and comforting, but it only made him feel more desperate and confused.

“N-no, I mean, um, I – ” Steven was trying for the words, but his breathing was too intense. He was having a panic attack now, not expecting to be overcome with so much love – they should all hate him right now, not this, he didn’t deserve this.

 

_**Last Waltz:** The Homeworld Peridot had originally been somewhere in the Kindergarten; she had been the one to use Steven’s plasma to regenerate White Diamond from her shards, and was the one to kick the “robonoid-Crystal-Gem-Peridot” into the hole, unknowingly. Originally, White was going to demonstrate Steven’s powers to him by reforming the Rose Quartz gemstone he had shattered in her throne room… but that all seemed really unnecessary, a lot of writing for very little content. But here was how it was going to unfold._

White Diamond turned around and left him floating in front of them, her long strides bringing her to a peak in the surrounding canyon. Steven was still disoriented, but he felt pretty sure  that was where he had been set down initially once all of the chaos had started. He thought it had been Dani who brought him up there…

“Peridot, come forward.”

All of them, gems, human and in between, looked up in surprise, but they were all quickly disappointed. It was _not_ their Peridot, but Steven, Lapis and Pearl all knew this green gem – she had been the one to do the experiments and the trials, that Pearl had seriously considered killing for spite. She stood at attention, her arms raised in a salute, and she was surrounded by little robonoids; it reminded Steven of the first time he had seen their Peridot back on Earth.

White Diamond bent her arm stiffly and raised it to her shoulder – a moment later, a glittery white bubble appeared, pink shards contained within.

It was too far away for the rest of them to see, but the towering figure lowered the bubble into the green gem’s large robotic hands and then immediately sent her away, back into the shadows beyond the fog.

(Later)

White did not fear him escaping or plotting against her – she could tell he was already too far gone. Gliding over to the same cliff-face as before, she summoned her Peridot again, only this time, the green gem was the one to deliver a bubble.

“My Diamond.” She bowed her head and offered the glittery orb, and then hastily backed away.

Gracefully, the ruthless leader turned back around and retrieved Steven in his bubble, lifting him to her height once again.

“I cannot risk you shattering yourself by mistake, so stay very still.” In one hand, she held the Rose Quartz child, and the other, the Rose Quartz gem, both bubbled, and both entirely at her mercy.

 

_**A Tale of Two Cross-Fusions** : Garnet was never going to struggle with her role as a leader, but I wanted to develop her more. Originally, Opalite was going to get “gemnapped” almost immediately after forming, but that didn’t seem right with the pacing of the story. Here’s how it would have happened, though!_

but she was cut-off, her words disrupted by a shout and sudden motion beside her.

It was Garnet, yelling across the valley and flinging Amethyst through the air.

“Lapis, _catch_!” Shaking her head, Lapis barely managed to turn around and grab Amethyst as she was hurdled towards her, and without breaking the momentum, Amethyst flung the end of her whip at Opalite’s leg.

With a yell and a painful yank, the blue fusion was dragged into the air. White Diamond snarled angrily – idly dealing with the insurgents while they caused a racket had not been agreed upon, so she tried to grab the purple and blue gem from the air but Lapis swerve and duck just in time.

“W-what are you doing?” Opalite yelled up at them, hanging upside down as Lapis zoomed as quickly as she could back to the other cliff-face. White Diamond was sending hands up to grab them from below, her anger turning the atmosphere blistering again.

But everything had changed too quickly for them to keep up – Lapis could see Peridot’s silhouette inside the lutetium, where they had made a make-shift pilot seat, and the outlines of Pearl and Garnet beside her, ready to go. Amethyst was exerting all of her fading strength to keep Opalite from falling, not made easier by their struggling, and it was throwing off Lapis’ coordination.

_I’m sorry, Steven, you’ll thank me later..._

The four of them crashed into the pseudo-drill as white hands started to pour inside the open door.

“Now, Peridot!” The green gem had been ready for Garnet’s cue, and immediately she started to lift them into the air.

White Diamond was furious, shouting as boulders crashed over the roof on their head. “You will not escape!” She had the little ship-drill trapped in her ghostly grips, and Peridot was struggling to keep them from going down.

“Lapis, a little help?!” In a flash, the blue gem rushed over to her and they touched foreheads, and with a burst of light, Prehnite took their place. Fully able to guide them now, the lithe fusion concentrated the best she could to bend the metal at their feet, guiding them up and up and away, stretching the alloy a bit thinner to seal off the open door, White Diamond’s echoing shouts reverberating from below.

“Yes!” Prehnite said automatically as the drill starting to force themselves through the upper echelons of the Kindergarten, destroying any earth or mineral that got in their way.

But Pearl shouted simultaneously. “No!”

Their quick escape may have worked on the outside, but they had not been so lucky within. Lapis hadn’t even given the others any notice when she dropped them, flinging herself towards Peridot in her haste, but there had been some serious damage done along the way. Connie’s bubble popped when Amethyst flew into her, causing her to lose her grip on her whip, sending Opalite flying into a wall. The force of the hit, combined with their already unstable fusion and Steven’s weakening life force, broke them apart almost as quickly as they had been tied together.

Steven had been hurt too much – the moment they made impact with the green wall, he had nearly fallen unconscious; the Rose Quartz splintered straight across the face of the gem, and the sudden intensity of pain turned him numb. Luckily, Garnet managed to catch him before he knocked into anything else, while Holly Blue Agate was thrown against the opposite wall, more-or-less unharmed.

Steven blinked sleepily into the din, disoriented by the unraveling madness and the hollow feeling throughout his body.

“G-Garnet?” he managed, feeling two familiar hands wrap around him gently.

“It’s okay, Steven, I’ve got you.”

Pearl had been waiting for this, her blood boiling as she watched Holly Blue start to regain her composure. Gripping her head at the unexpected flux, the blue gem opened her eyes to see Pearl advancing on her, Rose’s sword in her hand, face drawn rigidly with abhorrence.

Unfortunately, the flurry of sounds and shouting and whirring of the drill made Pearl lose her balance as they all lurched, Rose’s sword falling and sliding across the floor.

“You!” said Pearl, furious as Holly Blue rolled after it, her blue face wicked with hostility and pride. The Homeworld gem hadn’t gained her status for nothing, quickly summoning her whip and sent it after the sword, grappling the hilt and swinging it around to make contact with Pearl’s chest; Garnet had already been moving, seeing the attack coming and knocking Pearl out of the way, though the move was less than graceful as the green chamber continued to shake.

Then, as if time itself had stopped, they all watched the dangerous blade zoom through the air, twisting and shimmering under the glowing green light. Steven watched it, too, confused as he followed it, looking down as it made contact with his chest. He felt the warmth of his blood rise up to the surface of his skin, watching his clothes turn red.

Steven looked down, his face entirely unconcerned as he examined the sword buried in his chest as if it were just a little bug that had landed against his shirt.

“Huh,” he said, and then, poof.

Steven was gone.

 

_**The Truth** : Connie was originally going to join Pearl and Garnet to speak with Greg, forcing them to confront what’s bothering them, but I didn’t like the way it was going… It felt forced, so I opted to have Connie stay at the Temple with Amethyst._

Garnet and Pearl were still not speaking, and Connie felt awkward, so she spoke up as they passed the Big Donut; she could see Sadie and Lars inside, arguing while they put on their jackets. It was nearly time for them to close, apparently.

“Will one of you, um, come with me to talk to my parents? I-I don’t think I can face them alone.” Connie said, holding up her hand to her face. It was still pink, but less so.

Garnet grimaced. “Hmm… I don’t know how this… pink-ness, will turn out. If you want, we can wait a few days before seeing them. If it goes away,” she tilted her head thoughtfully. “You can tell them as little or as much as you like.”

Pearl stiffened slightly, although Connie couldn’t tell why, so she nodded her head and they continued in silence. The car wash was coming into view at the end of the street, Mr. Universe’s van parked outside as always. From here, they could see the back door was swung open, but there was no sign of the familiar human.

“W-wait.” Connie said again, stopping. They both stopped a moment later, turning to face her.

Pearl spoke first, coming to her level as the girl hung her head low. “What is it, Connie? Are you feeling alright?”

She bit her lip, but figured it was best to try to face the truth. “I’m fine, but, what is wrong with you?” Pearl’s face turned slightly hostile, but she was always patient with Connie. Garnet’s expression was unreadable as she watched behind Pearl’s shoulder.

“W-what? Nothing is wrong, Connie.” Pearl stumbled over her words slightly, only adding to her suspicion.

“No, really. Think about what we’re about to do. I don’t think I can… I don’t think I can do this if you guys are mad.” Garnet and Pearl looked at each other for the first time, but neither of them spoke for a moment. The fusion approached Pearl’s otherside, but they still tried to skirt around the issue.

“Connie, we’re not mad _at_ you.”

 

* * *

 

**Fun Facts**

  * The story was originally going to be called “I Could Never Be Ready,” or just “Ready” but, I liked C&C more. Don’t know why, really, just always been a fan of names like that follow that convention. (Dungeons & Dragons – D&D, Pride & Prejudice – P&P, etc.)


  * The numbering for “Log Date 20-57-2” is my father’s birthday, rearranged – February 20, 1957.


  * My favorite chapters to write: (15, 24, 30+31, 38) “It’s Over, Isn’t It?” “What Divides Us (or, Confusion)” “Feeling Blue” and “The Truth”


  * I really, really wanted to include Sardonyx at some point – she’s one of my favorite fusions – but it never really worked. ):


  * My computer kept trying to auto-correct “Danburite” as “Danbury,” and I’m still laughing about it.


  * I completed writing “Mourning Star” (13) on my birthday. What a weird way to celebrate.


  * The original chapter plan was (1-10) Steven’s gone, CG on Earth / (11-20) CG head to space/arrive, Steven still in prison / (21-30) Gem’s rescue Steven and go home. The story was supposed to take *no longer* than 30 chapters. Whoops.


  * My visualization of White Diamond, and basically all of “Two Moves Ahead” was derived from artist nic_rii on Instagram’s AMAZING three-panel fan art.



 

  * The valley in the Kindergarten was inspired by the Battle of 1,000 Heartless from Kingdom Hearts 2, except with much taller walls



  * I did not know a single thing about chess when I started writing this story.


  * All of the biology/anatomy mentioned in relation Steven’s healing spit and his differentiated healing tears are founded in real science, but obviously are changed due to magical properties.


  * Heliodor’s body shape and overall presence and attitude were inspired by Slenderman.


  * Broadly speaking, Steven’s growth in this story was modeled after William Blake’s _Songs of Innocence and Songs of Experience_. His struggle with Opalite and Holly Blue Agate were derived from W. B. Yeat’s “Leda and the Swan.”


  * I could not, for the life of me, figure out what I wanted to call Heliodor, which is honestly the reason I waited until Chapter 13 to reveal it. I went around with Amber, Clinohumite, and Beryl. The orange-yellowish variety of Beryl is called Heliodor, named after the sun, so I ended up going with that.


  * Peridot’s reformed outfit was inspired by the bottom-left image from artist “DYN” – I could not find the original post, so please keep in mind that all credit goes to the artist.



  * I visualized a lot of Homeworld, especially anything that belonged to Yellow Diamond, like the Hyperion Hub of Heroism from Borderlands.



 

* * *

 

**Playlist**

https://open.spotify.com/user/12182999981/playlist/15cwsl8tulwS9AWZOMKCCP

Sometimes, I would listen to certain songs on repeat while writing about a specific character, chapter or a scene. Other times, I would generally just play the same few songs to get a “feel” for the story. I've highlighted a few of the songs here, but there are others on the full playlist.

  * This Will End – The Oh Hellos – inspired basically the whole story
  * Everything Stays – Rebecca Sugar/Adventure Time Soundtrack – most scenes involving Pearl or Blue Pearl, also modeled Peridot and Lapis’ conversation when they return to Earth (38)
  * Holland, 1945 – Neutral Milk Hotel – the fight between Ruby and Amethyst in “Fission” (17)
  * Love Like You – Rebecca Sugar/Steven Universe Soundtrack – Peridot’s speech to Lapis in En Masse (19)
  * Fond Farewell – Seth Avett & Jessica Lea Mayfield (originally by Elliot Smith) – basically anything post-Gem Arrival (25) involving Steven
  * Blue Spotted Tail – Fleet Foxes – Crystal Gem’s, particularly Garnet, struggling to accept Steven agreeing to kill them in “Who Lives, Who Dies” (32) and “Last Waltz” (33)
  * Two Headed Boy Part 1 & 2 – Neutral Milk Hotel – trying to capture that nebulous angst post-We Won (35)



 

* * *

 

**Thank you & A Request from Me!**

For those of you who have been here since the beginning to those who jumped in after Chapter 30, I am so happy to have had readers as awesome as you all. As my thanks, accept these scanned images of my *HORRIBLE* writing/planning sketches that went along with the story. I mean it - I am bad, and swallowing my pride like this is a tiny way to demonstrate my thanks.

Special shout-out to a handful of people who were instrumental in writing this, from their support to their criticism: **Jess4400, Agent66, yarajaeger, Oscine_C, rosexwitch, Dawn, Talltree-san, ThePhantasm, Kingshark, Dredd and TheBlade17. You are all awesome.**

 **Request** : as a final, final thought, I just want to ask - did you have any chapters, scenes, or relationships you particularly liked? Connie and Pearl? Steven and Holly Blue (cause why not)? Garnet and Peridot? The fight scene between Alexandrite and White Diamond? All of chapter 28? Anything like that - please, let me know. I want to know what's working so I can try to bring all of my content up to those standards.

 

Now, enjoy my shame. Some images are more cropped than others, cause I might have mentioned a spoiler for what's to come!

 

      

_Early notes - before White Diamond was in the story, "post-FF" after forced fusion  //        Most recent notes on chapter outlines (36-40)_

 

__

_Plan for Gem Arrival //_ _How I mapped out Homeworld in my head (made it easier to write about)  
_

 

__

_Developing plans for split stories on Homeworld. Super messy, helped me map out simultaneous plot progression  
_

 

 


End file.
